What is compartmentalization? Is it good or is it bad? Is it something the cheater used to cheat, or is it something you can use to heal? Surprisingly, the answer is both! Here’s what you need to know about both the good and bad sides of compartmentalization.
Top take-a-ways
- Identifying and understanding the difference between healthy compartmentalization and unhealthy compartmentalization.
- How to use compartmentalization to help you categorize and prioritize your thoughts, obligations, and concerns, so you can reduce overwhelm, stop feeling scattered and make meaningful progress.
- Why setting boundaries and prioritizing tasks gives each area of our life the attention it deserves, leading to better decision-making and problem-solving.
Download your Sparkle After Betrayal Recovery Guide at www.BetrayalRecoveryGuide.com, a guide designed to help you take the first steps in feeling better, so you can reclaim your power, own your worth, and start putting yourself, and your life, back together again.
About Lora:
Author, speaker and Burnout & Betrayal Recovery Coach, Lora Cheadle help women rebuild their identity and self-worth so they can find the courage to claim what’s possible on the other side of betrayal.
Untangle yourself from the past, reclaim your power, and own your worth so you can create a future you love on your own terms. All with a wink and a smile! Learn more at www.loracheadle.com and follow me across all social!
Get the support you need to find your footing, begin making sense of it all, and feel better fast. As an attorney, betrayal recovery expert, and survivor of infidelity I can help you find the clarity and confidence to create a life that you love on the other side of betrayal. Book Your Session Here: https://calendly.com/loras-schedule/coaching-session
Here! www.AffairRecoveryForWomen.com
Get the support you need to find your footing, begin making sense of it all, and feel better fast. As an attorney, betrayal recovery expert, and survivor of infidelity I can help you find the clarity and confidence to create a life that you love on the other side of betrayal. Book Your Session Here: https://calendly.com/loras-schedule/coaching-session
Transcript
Narrator [00:00:01]:
You’re listening to FLAUNT!, find your sparkle, and create a life you love after infidelity or betrayal. Have you been betrayed by life your body, or someone that you love, you’re not alone. No matter what you’ve been through, naked self worth helps you regain confidence joy and enthusiasm so you can create a life you love and flourish, tune in weekly, and learn how.
Narrator [00:00:29]:
This podcast is sponsored by Better Help Have you been struggling lately? Relationship issues impact every area of your life. When I found out about my husband’s infidelity, I was so devastated. I could barely function. Sleeping was impossible because I couldn’t shut off my brain. Evening was a challenge because I felt nauseous all the time And for the 1st month or so, everything felt pointless. Whether you’re having trouble sleeping, feeling hopeless, or just can’t focus, better help is here to help you. BetterHelp offers licensed therapists who are trained to listen and help You can talk to your therapist in a private online environment at your convenience. There’s a broad range of expertise in BetterHelp’s 20,000 plus therapist network that gives you access to help that might not be available in your area. Just fill out a questionnaire to help assess your specific needs, and then you’ll be matched with a therapist in under 24 hours. Then you can schedule secure video and phone sessions. Plus, you can exchange unlimited messages, and everything you share is completely confidential. I know that confidentiality was important for me, especially early on when I couldn’t even get my own mind wrapped around what was happening. And it was so comforting to be able to speak with someone candidly about everything I was going through to validate that what I was feeling and experiencing was completely normal. You can request a new therapist at no additional charge anytime. Join the 2,000,000 plus people who have taken charge of their mental health with an experienced better help therapist, special offer, to FLAUNT!, create a life you love after infidelity and betrayal listeners. You get 10% off your 1st month at Better Help dotcom/FLAUNT!. That’s betterhelp.help.com slash slaunt, FLAUNT!.
Lora Cheadle [00:02:35]:
Thanks again to better help for sponsoring this. podcast. Hello, and welcome to flood find your sparkle and create a life you love after infidelity or betrayal. I’m Lora Cheadle, and I’m an attorney and betrayal recovery coach. I believe the betrayal uncovers the truth of who we are and exactly what it is that we need to address within ourselves So we can live fully. So we can become fully embodied women who are able to create exactly the kind of life and situation that they love. I would love to connect with you. I would love to see how I can best support you in your betrayal recovery journey and help you navigate along the way because let me tell you it is a journey. I am 6 years out from finding out about my husband’s betrayal. And you know what? There was a lot that I did right, but there was also a lot that I did wrong. And it truly is my mission in life to help you navigate all that to help you find the clarity. Clarity is super important because if you don’t know what that next step is, If you don’t know what the end game is, if you don’t know who you are or what you want, you can never get there because you are unclear and you end up spinning. So if you feel like you’re spinning, you need clarity. The second thing that I do besides help women find that clarity is I help them find the courage to take those next steps. When I talk about betrayal and covering the truth, I know sometimes that sounds kinda like, wait, what are you saying, Lora? What does that exactly mean? It means that so often we know something. It’s just that we don’t wanna admit it to ourselves because if we admit it to ourselves, then we’ll have to do something about it.
So it’s easier to ignore it or to pretend that we don’t know it because what we’re lacking is truly the courage to take the step that we know we need to take. I like to think about it even in terms of, like, weight loss and fitness. I don’t think there’s anybody on the planet who doesn’t know some of the right things to do who doesn’t know a lot about nutrition or fitness or anything like that. We all know about fitness. We all know about nutrition. We all know the steps that we’re supposed to take. Oftentimes, it’s not knowledge that is the hard part. It’s having the courage to take that next step because it takes courage to take that step because you know when you take that action, that your life is gonna change. And then when your life changes, there’s a whole lot of other things that then you have to manage. There’s like the fallout from things, even when it’s a positive change.
And so often, it’s just the courage that’s needed to take that step. And once you’ve got that clarity, and clarity also includes education because, yeah, sometimes we don’t know. Once you’ve got that clarity and then once you’ve got that courage to take that next step, it builds confidence. So I like to help women gain clarity, encouraged so they can get the confidence that they need. to truly create the kind of life that they love. So often we have it backwards. We think I need confidence. I need to be confident. I need to have self worth. I need to prioritize myself. And my answer to that is yes. You do need confidence. but you don’t get confidence. What you do is you take courageous action. And when you take courageous action, it leads to confidence. So that’s what we do. We work together. I help you get clear. I help you find the skills that you need to advocate on behalf of yourself, whatever it is, and then I help you take courageous action. And when you take that courageous action, that’s when things start shifting and changing, and that’s when you become confident.
So that is who I am. If you would like to learn more, go to betrayal recovery guide.com, and download your copy of my sparkle after betrayal recovery guide. It’s totally free. And there’s just a guide that will help give you some tips, some tricks on reclaiming your sparkle. and recovering from betrayal because, as we all know, boy, to being betrayed, take it out of you. Does it make you feel ugly and fat and stupid and dumb and foolish and like all of the above? Yeah. It threw me. for a loop. And this guide is just the first step that you can take in reclaiming your sparkle and owning your worth. So with that, let me tell you a little bit about today’s show. Today’s show is all about compartmentalization. And there are two things that I want to talk about in terms of compartmentalization. Why it’s bad when your cheating partner did it? and why it’s good when you do it in your healing journey. So there’s a lot there’s a lot to say around that, like, what is it and when is it good and what? When is it bad? And how do you use it for good? and how do you stop using it for a bad? So we’re gonna break all of that down today.
Let’s start with a definition. Basically, what compartmentalization is is it’s the ability to divide up your thoughts, your emotions, the different parts of your life, and just to put them into different compartments, different segments so you can manage each of them more effectively. I like to think about them as literally buckets. So if you just visualize buckets, you have a bucket that is your job. You have a bucket that is maybe housework, laundry, dishes, things like that. You have a bucket that is family, like your family of origin. You’ve got a bucket that is your partner, your relationship, you’ve got a bucket that is kids. You might have a bucket that is pets. You might have a bucket that is working out. you might have a bucket that is some sort of crafting or marathon running or whatever it is. The buckets are the different areas of your life. Your buckets are the different things that you have going, and we all have different compartments, different buckets in our life. But usually, the way normal life flows, all of those buckets are open. All of those buckets are visual. So if I were to look at your life, I’d be like, look at your 15 buckets. and I would see what they are. And you could look up mine and you could see what mine are. And we would all Okay. Yeah. These are your buckets. You’ve got a lot going on. Where compartmentalization is a problem? is if you were hiding one of those buckets, and I mean really hiding one of those buckets. For instance, intimacy might be a bucket. Most adults have sex. Most adults have some sort of physical contact or physical intimacy between them going on. And, no, it’s not something that you put out there for the whole world to see, but it’s still a bucket. It’s still a container. And if you were to look at me and be like, yeah. Lora’s got a sex life. That’s normal. That’s natural. That’s a compartment, and I’m not hiding it from you per se.
I’m keeping it private because it’s my business. but I’m not hiding the fact that I have it. Whereas something that is unhealthy like an affair is a bucket that somebody has, but that they are hiding. So when somebody is cheating, they’ve got a hole a fair bucket. And instead of having that bucket, out their front and center that they realize and that everybody else realizes they’re dealing with, it’s something that they keep hidden away. And that’s not healthy. It’s not healthy to hide everything. from the people who are close to you and in your life. No. You might not show your boss. or your coworkers or your mom, all of your buckets. Because that’s kind of a normal thing to keep certain areas of your life just under wraps. But to those closest to you, you show them who you are. This is part of intimacy, really. And I don’t mean by that, like, physical intimacy. I mean, relationship intimacy. It’s part of vulnerability. It’s a part of authenticity. It’s showing yourself for who you are and for what you’ve got going on. So that’s what compartmentalization is in broad strokes, and that’s why it’s healthy in broad strokes too because when you’re sitting at work, all of a sudden you can’t be obsessing about your pets and house plants. When you’re working out, It’s not really healthy to be thinking about your kids. When you’re with your kids, it’s not the greatest to be not present in the moment and to be thinking about work. We’ve got all those buckets, but it’s normal to move in 1 and out of 1 and back to another one when you were playing with your animals, play with your animals.
When you’re doing yoga, do yoga. When you were with a partner or a friend or your kids be present there, When you’re at work, engage and do work. And when you’re a home, even when you’re just, like, resting, engage fully in resting. That right there is a whole other topic for a show. what it means to actually rest. Because so many of us think we’re resting when we’re scrolling on Instagram, or when we’re zoning out to Netflix. And in reality, that is a distraction that is not rest. If you really need to rest, you actually have to engage in rest. And like I said, that’s a whole other topic for another show. but I just wanna drop that little nugget here for you to think about. If you need rest, rest. Disraction is not rest. I’m gonna say that again. Distraction is not rest. So, anyway, compartmentalization can be healthy when you use it in moderation. You use it with awareness. If you go to work, you might need to compartmentalize the fact that your personal life is completely falling apart. You need to compartmentalize. You need show up at work, you need to do what you need to do. If you’re taking care of your kids or your parents or somebody like that, you need to compartmentalize. You need to let other things go and you need to focus on that. That is healthy if you’re aware that you’re doing it. And If you were able to return to the bucket that is causing you stress, spend some time in the bucket. that is causing you stress and manage it.
Whether that is through self reflection. Whether it’s journaling, whether it’s active breathing, just like I talked about with active rest, We need to actively grieve too, and that does mean sometimes we need to lean into it. we need to feel how it feels to feel what we’re feeling. We need to notice where the sadness is in our body. We need to look at the stages of grief and self reflect and identify where we’re at. We need to use movement or breath to flow that grief out of our body. We need to see a counselor or a therapist or a coach, and we need to vent and we need to You don’t just say I need to process this and then you’re like, yep. Check done. I processed. Process is a process. process is a process. So compartmentalization is healthy when you continue the process. When you allow yourself to return to all of those buckets in a time that is appropriate and for a length of time that is appropriate. and you start working with it. If you think about those compartments, those buckets as buckets, Think about something that might be going on with the water in that bucket.
Do you need to stir it? Do you need to add? Do you need subtract? Do you need to you need to spend that time in each bucket, and you need to do so with awareness and with consciousness. So that’s when compartmentalization is unhealthy. Like I said, it’s unhealthy when you’re hiding a bucket and not acknowledging to other people that it’s there. People that it’s appropriate to acknowledge to people that love you that care about you that are close to you. But another way that it becomes unhealthy is when you refuse. To go into those other buckets that are causing you stress and you refuse to address the root cause of what is causing you problems. They call that a spiritual bypass or false positivity. They call it a lot of different things. There’s a lot of things, but it’s when you absolutely refuse. You just hide. You pretend that it’s not there. You stick your head in the sand and you’re like, nope. It’s totally fine that my partner cheated on me and that my life is falling apart. I got this. and totally got this. Yep. Car accident, house fire, major flood, earthquake. It’s all fun. I got it. I just was really positive and I did my gratitude list and and I’m fine. No. You’re not. No. You’re not. compartmentalization to get through something is fine. Compartmentalization to lie to yourself is not fine. hence, the tag line, the through line of all of my work betrayal uncovers the truth.
We all compartmentalize. And we all have a tendency to sometimes just want to put the past behind us and just move on. because it’s really painful to deal with. And when we’re out of that crisis moment, when we’re able to knock scream and cry and rage again. We’re like, yep. I’ve I’ve found my footing again, and I am not going back there. But the thing is you’ve gotta go back there. You don’t have to live there. You shouldn’t live there. You shouldn’t go back there. any more often than you need, but you do need to go back there. You need to calm the seas in that bucket. You need to do whatever is necessary to manage that bucket and to clear it out. So that’s when it’s unhealthy. When you pretend it’s not there and when you refuse to acknowledge and you’re calling it something that it’s not. Yep. My relationship is fine. Yep. Everything’s great with my family. The kids are doing great I love my job. I feel so healthy and happy in my body and everything is perfect. I bet it’s not. because that’s just sadly not how life works. Now take a deep breath with me. I don’t wanna trigger you by saying this.
But as I tell you this story, I want you to self reflect and see if you see yourself or any part of yourself or your relationships in me. I thought I had a pretty perfect marriage. I really, really did. And then I found out what was really going on. And this whole infidelity thing was revealed. 5th teen years worth of infidelity with 5 women, and it completely felt like a sucker punch. I had not seen it coming. I was not expecting it. It made no sense, and yet still. hindsight is
Narrator [00:21:31]:
2020.
Lora Cheadle [00:21:33]:
And when I started learning the truth, When my husband started exploring his emotions and doing the work and we started having conversation, Wow. I was able to look back at a lot of different things. that I swept under the rug. And here’s the thing about that. You know, you’re busy. I had kids. We had events. We had families. Crisis comes up. No. You cannot stop Christmas dinner with everybody there and be like, you know what? We need to go figure this out. So you compartmentalize and you’re like, alright, even though I am so angry, I wanna flap you over the head with this turkey. just to go on. You go on. And then you don’t get back to it. or you might get back to it a little bit, but things are going good again so you don’t wanna rock the boat again. So you just let it pass by. Or there was a stressful time. Often, my husband would pick a fight with me before he would go cheat. That’s a whole other story, but that was his excuse because that way, well, we’re fighting and she’s a witch, and I’m justified in doing this.
So a fight would be picked. He’d be traveling. I’d be mad. Then all of a sudden, He’s coming back, and we have back to school night. And we’ve got the neighborhood potluck, and we’ve got all these things going on. And, again, you don’t just stop then and take the time and say, you know, 4 days ago, you picked a fight for me and that was awful and that was completely unfair. And if you do, you never really get anywhere with it. You kind of address it, and you kind of resolve, but maybe kind of but mostly you just move on. And that’s really hard because, isn’t it nice to move on? Isn’t it nice to let bygones be bygones? Isn’t it nice just to sometimes give people grace and to go on with the flow? Yes. It is. So where is that fine line then between going with the flow and moving it on and putting it behind us and going back and dealing with things? Sadly, I can’t just give you a solid answer and a solid formula, but what I wanna do is to make you aware of that. and again without triggering you. I do want you tonight today. when you’ve got some quiet time. To think back over your own life and to think about the times you just took the high road. You just didn’t wanna rock the boat, so you didn’t say anything. You just let it slide. You let it pass. You moved on for the greater good. And just think about those times and what needed addressing that was never addressed. What needed addressing The truly was never addressed. And, yeah, it can be in your marriage, but it can also be within you. within your life. I know for me, I let a lot of stuff go. It was so exhausting to stand up for myself. It was so exhausting to put into words exactly what I felt and what I wanted and what I expected. and how I wanted somebody else to treat me. It was so hard sometimes.
And sometimes I would try But then I wouldn’t get the response that I needed because here’s a big one. Some people are committed to misunderstanding you. Yeah. Some people are committed to misunderstanding you. And sometimes it makes you feel like it’s you. Like, I can’t communicate. I can’t figure myself out. I’m so broken. I just can’t figure myself what’s wrong with me? And, yeah, sometimes it is important to learn how to self advocate. Yes. Sometimes it is important to figure yourself out. but oftentimes, it’s not you. It’s that the other person hears you But if they acknowledge that they hear you and that they understand you and that they’re taking it in, it means that they have to change. and change is hard, which is why we cover things. which is why we don’t do what we know we need to do because we know it’ll lead to a big change. And we know that change. Feel scary or hard or difficult. So sometimes people become committed to misunderstanding us so they can maintain the status quo. And when we maintain the status quo, things never get better.
So that’s when compartmentalization becomes a net healthy. And, yes, We all do it. It’s not that you will personally have a character flaw. We all do it. We’ve all been trained to do it. It’s part of our culture to do it. And it’s also a brain thing. I think you know this, but I am also a certified hypnotherapist, and I use hypnotherapy in my work with people. And the reason why that is so powerful is because it rewires the brain. It changes the way that you think. and it helps you become more confident, aware, and adept at managing circumstances like this where you go, oh my gosh. This is big. I need to change, and they need to change, and we need to address things. And this just all feels hard. Now let’s move back to some of the benefits of compartmentalization because we’ve spent quite a bit of time on the downside and when it’s unhealthy and why we don’t wanna do it. compartmentalization is one of the best ways to help you heal from infidelity. or from any kind of betrayal. And here’s why. Infidelity impacts every area of your life. It impacts your view of yourself. It impacts your view of the world. It changes everything. because everything you thought to be true is no longer true. All the promises you thought people had made to you have been broken. Your whole view of marriage and relationships might be broken.
You’re you don’t feel safe. It’s financial. It’s emotional. It’s sexual. It’s intellectual. It’s everything. So when you find this out, it completely tears the fabric of your reality. And there you are standing. with your entire world upside down. And you have to put it all back together again. And let me tell you, that is stressful, and that is overwhelming. because it’s not just like saying, okay. Now I have to fix my kitchen. or now I have to rework my one job. Or now I need to figure out this one thing with my one kid. It’s everything. Parenting, relationships, partnerships, your future four zero one ks, maintenance, house. Where are you gonna live? Where can you afford to live? Do I divorce? Do I not divorce? Do we work it out It’s everything. And when you’re standing there and your whole world has been turned upside down, you don’t even know where to begin. So what you do is you start spinning because you’re trying to survey the scene. You’re trying to survey the carnage and to see what is there that I need to pull out? What is there that I need to rescue first? It’s triage.
So you start looking around. You’re looking at your kids. You’re looking at your partner. You’re looking at yourself. You’re looking at your house. And at some point, you just keep spinning because the answer is I don’t know. I don’t know how my kids are doing. I don’t know. I’m doing I don’t know how my family is doing. I don’t know how my friend, you don’t know, so you start spinning. And the more you spin, the more you see. And the more you see, the more overwhelmed you become, and the more you go into a state of fight, flight, or freeze. I know you have heard about fight flight or freeze, but what it does is it takes you out of the prefrontal cortex, and it moves you back. to the reptilian portion of your brain, which is all about survival, which is an amazing thing if a saber tooth tiger is chasing you. but it is not an amazing thing if you’re trying to put yourself in your life and your entire world back together again. because you can’t be rational. You can’t be logical. You can’t manage when you’re back there in the reptilian portion of your brain. And the more stressed you become, it becomes a vicious cycle.
The more into fight flight or freeze you go, the more irrational you become, The worst decisions you make, the more stressed you become, blah blah blah blah blah. So when you consciously use compartmentalization as a tool, it can help you reduce stress. It can help you reduce stress because it allows you to only deal with one thing at a time and it lets you let the rest go. It helps you with your focus. It helps you with your productivity. because you’re like, okay. This is one thing I need to deal with instead of
Lora Cheadle [00:32:35]:
So when you’re more focused, when you’re more productive, when you’re less stressed out, you get out of that fight flight or freeze. You move back into the prefrontal cortex. So the rational logical part of your brain is working, and then guess what happens? You make better decisions. You move more quickly. You are able to process better. everything starts looking up, and then also, emotionally, you see the progress you’re making. Because one of the most frustrating things is when you spend all day working and the end of the day goes around rolls around and you’re I don’t know what I did. What did I do all day? That to me is one of the most frustrating things because then I start beating myself up. You are so worthless, Lora. You can never get this day back. And, oh my god, all this stuff happened. Again, kicking kicking me into fight flight or freeze and repeating the cycle for the next day. So here is how I want you to use compartmentalization consciously in your healing journey. I want you to literally take out pieces of paper. Several ways you can do this, or if you’ve got a journal, you can do it that too.
You can either draw buckets on that piece of paper. You can divide it into quadrants, or if you’ve got a lot going on. you can use one sheet of paper for every area of your life. To keep things abundantly clear, what I want you to do is give each sheet of paper, or each quadrant or each buckle bucket, not buckle, bucket, a title. title your bucket, title your quadrant, or title your piece of paper. And I mean specific titles. Not just navigating betrayal way too big. of a bucket, way too big of a compartment. I want it to be specific like finances, house, car, job, school, kids, Family, partner, marriage, my health, My body, my mind, all of the specific things, animals, yard work, fitness, all of the things, literally All of the things that are taking a space in your mind. And you can keep adding to it. And once you have those sheets of paper or those buckets, or those quadrants, then if you want to write some notes around them, like job, Will this job pay enough for me to live on my own? Do I like my work? Might I want to go back to school and pivot my career full time or part time.
On the kids one, you might say, custody, schooling, visitation, kids’ mental health, family time, all of the different things. It’s a bucket It’s a holding place. It’s a catching place for all of your thoughts, for all of your concerns around that area of your life. This is especially helpful if you have obsessive thoughts. if you can’t sleep because every time you relax, everything comes up, and your mind is like, deal with it now. Deal with it now. Writing it down doesn’t always help. Writing it down in the right bucket and putting it where it belongs helps most of the time. As you start getting lists, Then it’s more easy to prioritize. Which bucket do you need to manage first? Which bucket is overflowing and you need to keep the level down. Which bucket only has 1 or 2 things in it. and you can resolve those a
nd then put that bucket to bed. Look at your different buckets. Which buckets are going to require a lot of effort? Which buckets are easily managed? Here’s a big one. Which buckets do you have the mental, emotional capacity to deal with right now. That is such a huge one. I can’t even tell you. so many of us, me included, have this belief that, like, I have to do it because I said I was gonna do it and Thursday is the day. And even though I woke up with a sore throat and a heartache and a blah blah, I said I’m gonna do and I’m gonna do Okay. Let’s talk about that. Yes. Sometimes it’s really important to lean in. and to challenge yourself to take courageous action. And sometimes it’s also really important to be wise to hold grace and space for yourself and to ask yourself lovingly with compassion, Lora, my dear, My dear sweet, Lora, is today the right day to deal with this? Do you have the mental emotional capacity right now? Or is there something else that you can do today that would better honor where you are at? Because if you don’t have the mental emotional capacity to deal with something, the decisions that you make the choices that you make, the energy that you put into it is not going to be your best. And you know, the whole computer programming thing garbage in, garbage out? Yeah. That applies. that totally applies here. So deal with the bucket that you have the energy to deal with. If you think about a bucket filled with water, some days you have a really big ladle. and you can ladle out that water and empty that bucket.
Some days, you might have a little tiny teaspoon. Do you really want to empty that biggest bucket with your little tiny teaspoon, or might it be better to wait? and to start emptying that bucket on a day that you have a ladle. Notice where you’re at. Notice what your buckets require. And that’s why it is so good to have them on paper so you can physically see it. So it’s not just you in your own head getting all stuck. Like, oh, what is it? What is it? You can look at it and you can be like, you know what? Yeah. There really are only 4 things that I’m concerned about here, but over here, there’s a 124 things that I’m concerned about. So manage your energy, manage your capacity, and choose one thing at a time to deal with. And, yeah, There is some entanglement sometimes that happens, but your job is to do what you can do to not let that happen. If you’re dealing with finances, deal with finances. Yes. I’m fully aware that You might need a different job to better manage your finances and that there’s that entanglement. There’s that touch point that’s that intersection. But here’s how you do that.
You’re like, every time those thoughts come up, you’re like, yes. I understand that this is a piece of it, but that’s not what I’m doing right now. Right now, I’m balancing my budget. Right now, I’m figuring out what I need to live on. Right now, I’m figuring out what our expenses are. Right now, I’m figuring out these other things. I’ll move to the job category later. But right now, I’m doing finances. and you can time yourself. You can give yourself project based goals. You can give yourself time based goals. And then when you’re done with that, Then you have permission to move to another bucket. Put that sheet of paper away. Pull out the different compartment and work on that. Do not ever have more than 2 sheets out at a time. Both physically, or energetically. Yes. You can have a couple things out just to see how they kind of, like, interplay and intertwine. Then put something over to the side and work on one thing at a time. We all hear about boundaries. I love boundaries. I’ve got some shows on boundaries. I do so much boundaries work with my clients because as simple as it sounds, like, yikes.
Yeah. I know about boundaries. It’s not simple, and it’s hard. It just is. So when you’re thinking about boundaries, I also want you to think about boundaries for yourself. Yes. When we set boundaries, it helps protect our space where other people are concerned, but it also helps us protect space where we are concerned. What I mean by that is I know my tendency to get distracted. I know my love of shiny objects. I know that if a squirrel runs past, I’m like, what? squirrel. I have to set boundaries with myself because otherwise I’m running on 10 different track at the same time. And then even though I’m making progress in 10 different areas, it’s so minuscule that it’s frustrating, and then I feel like I’m not getting anything done. So I have to set those boundaries with myself. These are the top three things you’re working on today, Lora. If you have time and the capacity later, you can consider moving to something else or adding something else in. But today, these are your top three things, and I have to boundary myself. I’m going to record my podcast today.
I am the only one that can record this podcast. Podcasting is my bucket. I can’t pause mid stream and then go upstairs and throw the ball for the dog and then come back and record a few sentences and then hop on my banking app and check my bank balances and see if payments are coming through the way they should. and then hop back on and record another couple of sentences and then go do a workout because I haven’t gotten my workout in. and then go record another couple sentences and then go back and give my husband some words of affirmation and then record another sentence or 2 and then call my kids and see how their day in school was. Even to hear me say that sounds ridiculous. because consciously none of us would live that way, right, because it makes no sense.
Yet what do we allow our minds to do all day? We allow our minds to jump from topic to topic from subject to subject. You know, the yoga monkey mind. I’m gonna look on this. Oh, I’m gonna do this. Oh, I’m gonna do that. Yeah. Again, it’s not a character flaw. It’s not a personality flaw. It’s the way that we’re kind of wired to be constantly scanning our environment looking for threats. But those are those internal boundaries, those discipline practices that we have to set and commit to ourselves. So we can start managing each bucket. So slowly, we can start putting each bucket to bed. It’s It’s not always that every single bucket will be there. A fair recovery is going to end. Let me tell you a fair recovery is going to end. I know. I’ve ended mine. There’s things that still come into that bucket sometimes, and then I deal with it. but it’s not this overflowing bucket anymore. Finances. Yes. Things come in and you have to manage that. It’s not like the bucket goes away. But when things get added in there, then it’s like, oh, I can deal with this because it’s just a drop in the bucket.
My body, my health, my physicality, Yeah. Things will come up. Oops. I’ve gained £10. I have, and I’m not happy about it. But, yeah, now you manage it. My husband’s blood sugar is suddenly an issue. Okay. Now he can manage it. But it’s keeping abreast of these things that are coming up and having an empty bucket so you can deal with it when something does come up. because if we keep those buckets just barely not overflowing, When something happens, it is going to throw us completely for a loop, and it’s gonna trash us. You want your betrayal recovery bucket fairly empty. So when things come up, you can deal with it. That’s why you have to set boundaries for yourself. You can’t just throw a sheet over the bucket and pretend that it doesn’t exist. You can’t just move the bucket around behind the house or behind your back and pretend it doesn’t exist. Set the boundaries for yourself so you can manage different things in each. bucket along the way and then only deal with what is in that bucket. What is on that sheet of paper?
I would love to help you with any of this. Love love love to help you with any of this. I do lives in my Facebook group where I answer questions. I do a weekly ask me anything. So if you are a Facebook person, go to a fair recovery for women, betrayed to brilliant, You’ll see my little smiley face right there. A fair recovery for women betrayed 2 brilliant on Facebook and hop in the Facebook group. We are a fairly quiet group, but I’d like to get some more conversation going. But, yeah, I do go live and I am here to support you in any way that I can. And I also really dearly would love to invite you to consider working with me. I promise I’m not scary. I promise it helps. It helps to connect with somebody who has been where you’re at And it also really helps to connect with somebody who is at where you wanna be. It doesn’t matter if you want to stay with your partner if you to leave your partner. If you have no idea, you just want all of this to go away or where you’re at. I’ve been all of the places. So please reach out and connect. We can work together
Lora Cheadle [00:49:24]:
on 1, just for one session, we can work together 1 on 1 for a few sessions, or you can do the whole 9 yards, and you can work with me as a coaching package. I am making my 6 month coaching package. I am turning it into a 1 year coaching package for the same price. Yes. 12 months of support for me for the same price as 6 months. Unbelievable. Right? The reason that I’m doing that is because my 6 month coaching package includes 6 monthly coaching sessions. But sometimes that’s hard to get through in 6 months because sometimes you need more time than that to grieve. Sometimes you need more time to come to terms with things. Sometimes you need time to send your kids off to college or figure out yourself and your career. Sometimes you need time for marriage counseling. Sometimes you need time for, oh, any number of things. And sometimes you just need space to sit with something that you know, but you’re not quite really ready to admit or to take action on because that courage just isn’t quite there. So because of that, I am extending my 6 month coaching package into a 12 month coaching package. So you’ve got an entire year to let things settle and shake down. And then what’s also nice about that is I can be there to help support you more fully in the building backup process. to help you find out where things should be arranged and how they best fit. Again, for the same price is the 6th month.
So it is truly a killer deal. Less than therapy, less than you might think. So reach out betrayal recoverycoach.com.betrayalrecoach.com to get the information and to schedule your 1 on 1. No obligation discovery call with me so we can figure out if we are the right pair. if we are the best fit for each other and working together. So I really, really look forward to connecting with you. In the meantime, really use this idea of compartmentalization, to help you heal. to help you get through the days so you can have some joy along the way because that’s the thing with betrayal recovery. It’s not like life stops and you figure it out and then being life starts up again.
Life is going on. life keeps moving on opportunities for joy and happiness. For memories to be made, they keep happening. And I don’t want you to miss it, and you don’t wanna miss it either. So compartmentalize. Allow yourself joy. Allow yourself connection. Allow yourself fun. Allow yourself to be filled up and energized. because when you allow yourself to be filled up and energized, then it gives you more energy to manage all the itchy things that are going in your life. When you fill yourself up, when you’re more positive, it keeps you out of fight flight or freeze. So you’re smarter and you make better decisions. So please compartmentalize. Use this as a tool to help you heal. Just remember to go back and scoop out some of those buckets along the way to feel your feelings. And again, I can help you with any of that. Have an amazing week. I really look forward to connecting with you one on 1. Relationships and people. My thing really holding you, supporting you, and holding space for this truly incredibly transformative journey. is what I’m here to do. This is I’m convinced this is why I am here on this planet at this time. So reach out. and always remember to FLAUNT! exactly who you are because who you are is always more. Not enough.
Are you ready to break through and find out what’s possible for you on the other side of betrayal? If you were tired of the anguish, the pain, the confusion, the overwhelm or the obsessive thoughts, then reach out. Schedule your one on 1 our long breakthrough call. And together, we will figure out what you need to do to break through and get to the other side of betrayal. During our time together, you can explain what’s going on with you. Together, we will figure out what it is that’s blocking you, whether it’s your partner’s stubbornness or inability to move forward on the same page as you. mindset, finances, concern about your kids. Whatever it is together, we will figure out what that block is. And then we will put together a strategy so you can move ahead step by step and get to the other side of betrayal without overwhelm without confusion, without being distracted, and losing focus and wasting time, money, or your valuable energy. isn’t it time for you to get where you want to be? On the other side of this horrific situation, looking back with peace and perspective. When we get together, not only will you have that one on 1 hour long zoom call with me, but we’ll also record it. So everything will be memorialized, and you always will have something to go back to so you know your own personalized plan. And you will also receive 30 minutes of follow-up voxer support with me. so you won’t lose track, so you won’t get derailed. And so if you need something adjusted, together, we will be able to adjust it. To schedule your appointment, go to betrayal recovery guide.com and click on the pop up link, or reach out Lora, l o r a, at Lora Cheetle, loracheadele.com, and let’s get you scheduled. I can’t wait to help you step back into your power and reclaim your identity, self worth and create exactly the kind of life that you love.
Narrator [00:56:45]:
Tune in next time to FLAUNT!, find your sparkle, and create a life you love after infidelity or betrayal. with radio host and live choreographer, Lora Cheetle, every Wednesday at 7 AM and 7 PM EST, unsindicated Dreamvision 7 radio network. develop naked self worth and reclaim your confidence, enthusiasm, and joy so you can create a life you love and embrace who you are today. download your free sparkle through betrayal recovery guide at nakedselfworth.com.