Resources, Community, & Empowerment – Get the Help You Need!

Narrator [00:00:01]:

You're listening to FLAUNT!, find your sparkle, and create a life you love after infidelity or Have you been betrayed by life, your body, or someone that you love? You're not alone. No matter what you've been through, naked, self worth, helps you regain confidence, joy, and enthusiasm so you can create a life you love, and flourish, tune in weekly, and learn how.

Lora Cheadle [00:00:31]:

Are you ready to break through? and find out what's possible for you on the other side of betrayal. If you were tired of the anguish, the pain, the confusion, the overwhelm or the obsessive thoughts, then reach out. Schedule your one on 1 our long breakthrough call. And together, we will figure out what you need to do to break through and get to the other side of betrayal. During our time together, you can explain what's going on with you. Together, we will figure out what it is that's blocking you, whether it's your partner's stubbornness or inability to move forward on the same page as you. mindset, finances, concern about your kids. Whatever it is together, we will figure out what that block is. and then we will put together a strategy so you can move ahead step by step and get to the other side of betrayal. without overwhelm, without confusion, without being distracted, and losing focus. and wasting time, money, or your valuable energy. Isn't it time for you to get where you want to be? on the other side of this horrific situation, looking back with peace and perspective. When we get together, not only will you have that one on 1 hour long zoom call with me, but we'll also record it. So everything will be memorialized, and you always will have something to go back to so you know your own personalized plan. and you will also receive 30 minutes of follow-up voxer support with me. So you won't lose track, so you won't get derailed. And so if you need something adjusted together, we will be able to adjust it. To schedule your appointment, Go to betrayal recovery guide.com and click on the pop up link or reach out lora@loracheedlel0rachedle.com. and let's get you scheduled. I can't wait to help you step back into your power and reclaim your identity, self worth, and create exactly the kind of life that you love.

Lora Cheadle [00:03:25]:

Hello, and welcome to FLAUNT!. Find your sparkle and create a life you love after infidelity or betrayal. I'm Lora Cheadle, I'm an attorney and betrayal recovery expert, and I believe the betrayal uncovers the truth. It uncovers the truth about all of the things that we have covered and hidden inside of ourselves. It uncovers the truth of all of the things that we finally need to get a handle on. And today, we are going to spend some great time and have some great conversation talking about some of those things that we might need to start managing and getting a handle on after infidelity. Now the topic of today's show is going to be about transitions. Transitions are huge. transitions are huge because they encompass so many different areas of your life. It doesn't matter if you think, well, oh, I'm just getting a divorce. That means your finances are impacted. That means your home is probably impacted. That means your job is impacted. Your identity, like all of these things are impacted. And that's what we're going to do today. Talk about some of those different areas of transition. So you can start making sense of what's happening, understanding what's happening, and putting some of the pieces together so you can go forward in your power. Today, we have got 3 amazing guests. You can read a little bit more about them In the show notes, but Jasmine Rice is an incredible transformation coach. Karen Shalu is a legal liaison And as you know, from listening to the show, oh, yes. There's a lot of legal things that must happen in any transition. and Catherine Shanahan is a certified divorce financial analyst. And again, yeah, finances are important. So with that, welcome to the show ladies.

Jasmine Rice [00:05:31]:

Thank you for -- Thank you.

Lora Cheadle [00:05:34]:

You're welcome. I'd like to start having you introduce yourselves a little bit more formally, a little bit more fully, and talking about what you do in helping poor women in transition. And Jasmine, why don't we start with you?

Jasmine Rice [00:05:51]:

Well, thank you again for having us. I'm excited to be here. I am a transformational coach, also a neurolinguistic programming practitioner, NLP, for short, and also best selling author. I released my book 2 years ago. And I work with women who are navigating transition, should it be a divorce? Maybe it's just a a loss of a long term relationship that wasn't a marriage, but can be equally as challenging. or it could be other challenges that they're navigating in life such as empty nest syndrome, career changes, but helping them look at the future in a different way and get on a path where they're feeling a little stuck and helping them find that direction to move forward.

Lora Cheadle [00:06:39]:

Wonderful. Thank you. Karen, would you like to go next?

Karen Chellew [00:06:43]:

Sure. So my name is Karen Chellew, and I'm one of the co founders is my divorce solution. And, Catherine is my business partner, so she'll, introduce herself next. But We created, a divorce preparation platform, an online platform that allows people a safe environment to connect their finances with the legal requirements so that they can make really good informed decisions when negotiating their divorce or even working with their divorce professionals. So we've been doing this for several years, and and I look forward to talking a little bit more about it.

Lora Cheadle [00:07:22]:

And, Catherine, would you like to go next?

Catherine Shanahan [00:07:25]:

Sure. So I found myself going through a divorce age forty four. I had raised a blended family. I raised for each children under the age of five, and then we had 2 of our own. And after being married to a narcissist for 23 years, I said, you know what? There's gotta be a better solution to the rest of my life here than to take that kind of emotional abuse. So I, you know, have a really comfortable story with Money. I'm a CDFA. I have an accounting degree. my father was an accountant, so I had a good, I had good relationship and meaning I under had good understanding. but I was really scared going through the process. So Karen and I are fortunate enough that we've developed this process and the best way for us to help support women through transition. And I love that you say transition because it's not a finality to your life if you go through the divorce process. It's a part of your story. Right? So you transition or you pivot to another direction. And this platform and our portrait helps you turn that fear into focus, and that focus becomes financial knowledge. And with that financial knowledge, you are really empowered to change whatever you need to change in your life.

Lora Cheadle [00:08:35]:

I love how you talk about the fear and to focus because any transition is scary. It doesn't matter if you want it. if you need it. If you're well prepared for it, if you've got support, it's still scary. And I think it's really important to just acknowledge the fact that, yeah, It is scary. So thank you for saying that. I'd like one of you or both of you to talk a little bit more about this process. So listeners can understand what does that mean to turn the fear into focus? What does that look like in how can they do that?

Catherine Shanahan [00:09:13]:

Well, the first step you take is admitting that you need this patient. Right? So a lot of people are embarrassed or they're afraid to ask the questions, and they just never were provided a space to, feel free to do that. you know, they sign their tax returns, usually, why they're feeding their children, or when they go to a financial planner, they don't usually go. their spouse goes, and brings back and relays any information. So the first thing is to say, you know what? I deserve this information, you know, and you do deserve the information, but before you believe in deserving that you need that information, you're not going anywhere. You you're just not gonna need to get it. So your first step is to get prepared. And that is gathering the information. and when you gather the information, you don't need to know what the stock market's doing today. You don't need to know what your investments are doing and have an understanding at level. You need to know that here's some papers with some numbers on them, and we're gonna gather all the information that has some numbers with the dollar sign. And we'll figure the rest out when we get it, and we'll figure out what's thing. So our platform allows that space to get that financial knowledge together with the documentation. And we also do your budgeting. So when you have an understanding, Alyssa, I hate budgets, and I'm the financial person, and Karen is an expert at budgets. because it starts taking ownership to what your daily life looks like and what it could potentially look like. And then we go through an assessment And so when you get all the documentation in, we sit on there and we review all that documentation, what's missing, how we might be able to get it, And then once that's complete, we go through division scenarios because in divorce, you will compromise. You don't get everything that you want. but you should know what your a scenario is, what your B scenario is, and possibly what a C scenario is. This way, when you go to mediation or you go to your attorney, you're really aware of what you have, what you need, and possibly what you want. and so you're making really smart informed decisions, and all your professionals are working on the same information. So you have a symmetry of knowledge, which will you'll sit a little you'll sit a little higher and you'll speak a little stronger when you have that so you can make really good decisions.

Lora Cheadle [00:11:19]:

I really like the idea of the different scenarios because you're right. you know, having done family a lot, you will compromise. You just will. And court is where things get divided according to the law. Court is not where you punish a spouse. where you play out emotional dramas. And I think sometimes that's one of those pieces that people don't understand And I think that's also why it's really important to have people like you Jasmine that can help manage the emotional impact of divorce. So women aren't sitting there thinking. Yeah. But she did this to me, and he was a narcissist, and you don't know what I put up with. the court doesn't really care. So Jasmine, can you talk a little bit about some of the emotions around not understanding finances. Maybe some of the fear, some of the shame around having been that person who didn't ask questions and doesn't know. And what women can do to manage that fear, manage that shame so they can move ahead powerfully.

Jasmine Rice [00:12:28]:

Well, that was me. And I was going through my divorce. I was married to an accountant. I was not involved in our finances. And although I was very successful in my career and I managed the $3,000,000 budget at work, I wasn't involved in our personal finances. And so I was embarrassed. I really didn't know what to do or who to talk to, and I I wish I would have known Catherine and Karen 5 years ago when I was navigating that because, I think embarrassment and shame were were the feelings that I felt about not knowing these things. I felt like I should have known this, and I didn't wanna ask those questions. And so I went down a route. I wish I wouldn't have gone down. And having known these 2 women then, I think I would be in a very different situation. But when I work with my clients who are navigating these types of feelings and these emotions, they're natural. It's fair natural. I mean, we all know the grieving process. You're gonna bounce back and forth between anger and depression and fear and all of these different emotions that you're going to feel. but actually allowing yourself to feel them is what I do focus on with my clients because when you push them down and you stop thinking about them and you wanna just There's a lot of different things for balance. And you wanna focus on some other things and you're not feeling your emotions and sitting with them and feeling them is really what's gonna help you be able take that next step to be able to make that call to Catherine and Karen or make that call to a coach to work with a coach to help you through and create those steps to to keep moving forward because transition, as as you said, Lora, it's it's ever changing. It's always happening. We're always in transition in life. being able to navigate that a little bit easier by the help of my divorce solution or by the help of a a coach to get you through that next step because you don't have to do it alone.

Lora Cheadle [00:14:24]:

Yeah. Yeah. Can you say a little bit more about feeling your feelings? Because I think that something that a lot of people have heard before. Oh, I'm supposed to feel my feelings, but then they don't really know what that means. Does that mean, you know, go drive over to my soon to be his workplace and stand outside of the car and scream at him because I'm so mad. What does that really mean? What does that look like?

Jasmine Rice [00:14:46]:

I would not recommend that. What I would recommend instead, is to journal about that. That would be great if you wanna do that. and anger is a is a net natural emotion. It's actually there are other emotions that you feel, then anger is what you actually are expressing. And and it's natural for you to feel anger, but you need to express that in a positive, healthy way. and that could be that you're just you're writing down your feelings about a situation and then you're able to close the book and then move on. And crying, I have a client that just refused to cry. She's like, I don't cry. I'm too strong. It's weak if I'm I'm crying. And we worked through that because, again, there have been studies that show that when you cry, out of sadness or stress, you're actually releasing that out of your body. It's very, very, healing for you to do so. so sitting with those emotions and then laughter. That's something that we feel like we're not supposed to do when we're going through something as challenging as a divorce or a breakup and finding those people in your life that can help you express that emotion. That's important. So feeling those emotions help you heal yourself.

Catherine Shanahan [00:15:58]:

Yeah. Yeah. But I wanna jump in there for a second because I love that. That's such a great perspective, Jasmine. And then you know what? It really pulls into the financial world because, you know, financial planners as a whole are not giving that perspective to people, right? Because that's the space where you're supposed to be stark, smart, and strong, and you're not you can't let all that out unless you're just gonna throw up on somebody, all your emotions, and their financial people. So you really shouldn't be doing that with them. But our process allows exactly for that because It is really important that you do that. And a lot of people, when they have to get their financial stuff together, they're just so embarrassed, like I said earlier. that it it paralyzes them from making decision that it allows their professionals and their spouse to keep bullying them or making them feel less than or that they should know this information. So, you know, in that same space, in that same vein, I think it's really important to go through our process the way we have it set up because it gives you that space to work with your coworker. It gives you that space to have those feelings and then get the financial knowledge that you really deserve.

Karen Chellew [00:17:04]:

Yeah. That's so true. And part of my role is to help people understand that when they come to the table, embarrassed or frustrated or just completely not in the know, you know, they don't really know what emotion goes with a divorce coach and what emotion goes to their attorney and where to place all that. And one of the beautiful things about building out a financial portrait is the exercise of starting to own the knowledge of your financial estate. So it's not just someone doing it for you. It's you taking the steps one by one to learn for yourself so that you can know and then talk about it further because the diverse world is so confusing because a lot of attorneys will entertain the conversation about. He did this. She said that all of this banter that gets you nowhere until you run out of money and you have zero financial clarity, and then you're being forced to settle or go to trial. And so our process gets in the mix of that and clarifies what's on the divorce side and what's on the trauma or emotional side of disconnecting from your marriage.

Lora Cheadle [00:18:25]:

I love so much of what you said there, Karen. I mean, first of all, having that working knowledge of your finances, because the goal is not just to get divorced. What are you gonna do after divorce? Does this mean you need to find another husband who's gonna take care of finances? No. No. No. No. No. It means that you now are empowered. You now are educated, and you can do this either on your own or with somebody else. It's having the knowledge for the long term, not just having the knowledge to get through the divorce. So first, I really appreciated that you said that. 2nd, as you were talking about the attorneys that will entertain that emotional banter, you should have felt what was going on inside of me. Yes. Those are so many of the reasons that I walked away from the practice of law. Law is law. laws about the rule and the letter of the law and how to equitably apportion the assets and how to achieve the outcome of getting this couple divorced and getting the property divided and getting maintenance or child support or whatever it is. The emotional site is completely different, and both sides need to be addressed. But attorneys are not therapists. and therapists are not attorneys. So thank you so much for all of that.

Catherine Shanahan [00:19:48]:

Of course. Attorneys are not financials either. So I love how you put that. And I think that we should use that because people think that they're going to go to their attorneys to get the financial scenarios and and understanding and clarity And whatever you just said, I I needed to write it down because it was perfect. Good.

Lora Cheadle [00:20:08]:

But it so true. And, you know, coming from the world as a former, divorce attorney, yeah. It's hard. You can't know everything. That was was not my wheelhouse. Your finances is not my wheelhouse. I know what the lies. I know how to apply it, and I know how to advocate. I don't know about your finances, and I don't know about your emotions. And the idea of, yeah, you're gonna pay me now 500 and some an hour to sit and listen to you. Sure. but that is not solving your issue, and that is not getting you divorced. So I love what you do so much.

Karen Chellew [00:20:44]:

Thank you. And, you know, just layer on to that. Your clients coming to you one day saying I want the house. And the next day, Oh, I talked to someone and now I need half the pension, and I don't want the house because I'm confused. And every day, it's something different. And as an attorney, It's your role to advocate for your clients wishes, right, irrespective of what you know, what may be best for them. And so having that knowledge and knowing the financial impact of any of your decisions is helpful to you as a person and to your professional team, to your point.

Lora Cheadle [00:21:18]:

Mhmm. Yeah. And you're absolutely right. The attorney's job is to zealously advocate on behalf of their client. It's not to give I mean, you can give legal counsel and legal advice, but it's not for me to tell you, you know what? If you let that go, This is how it's going to impact you 10 years down the road, 20 years down the road. This is how social security benefits work. If you get remarried, you are not going to get your first spouse's benefits. That's something to think about. That's something to know about. You can educate, but you're right. Attorneys advocate on behalf of their clients and what their clients want. And oftentimes clients wants are not necessarily in their best interest.

Catherine Shanahan [00:22:03]:

or they don't have the data to support it. So it's not going to happen.

Jasmine Rice [00:22:07]:

Yeah.

Lora Cheadle [00:22:08]:

Yeah. Absolutely. Data to support. I mean, isn't that isn't that kind of the kicker? Because we have this idea of how it should be or what it could look like. And as we all know, life is not fair and things don't turn out the way we anticipate it. I mean, just look at the way the world shook up during the COVID pandemic.

Catherine Shanahan [00:22:31]:

Oh, boy. That's a whole another podcast.

Lora Cheadle [00:22:35]:

This wasn't it. Well, I would like to talk a little bit about, the power of me who who wants to talk about the power of me conference that is coming up?

Jasmine Rice [00:22:49]:

I would love to to start because I was actually inspired to have my event last year that was similar because of an event that Catherine and Karen had put on called misses to me. When I was going through my divorce, I am a, I like solutions. I want to feel better. I wanted to stop hurting. I wanted everything to start just moving forward. So I'm googling how to get over a divorce. I am reading every book there is to read, and I want to attend every conference there is. And I thought there has to be a a conference for divorce women. And I found the Missus Tami conference, and I Registration had closed. I was very bummed, and that was the first time I had heard about my divorce solution. And my divorce also was almost my meal at that point. And again, I wish I would have known about their services prior to that. So life goes on. I start my business. I, in addition to being a coach, I have an event background, and I always knew I wanted to host an event for women after divorce, women empowerment event. And so last year, I did. I hosted a very successful event here in Denver, and, Catherine and Karen had reached out to me after my event. And we talked and discussed on how we could join forces and have a even bigger and better women empowerment event that would help women going through divorce do they want a divorce, life after divorce? Maybe it's just a career change. Maybe they've lost themselves in motherhood, whatever that might be, to bring these women together to feel empowered as they are building the next chapter of their lives.

Lora Cheadle [00:24:36]:

I love that. And I that it all kind of boils down to empowerment because isn't that the truth. It really doesn't matter what we choose as long as we feel empowered to make those decisions. And as long as we are able to step into our power and to do the thing that we need to do to get what we want. And I really like that because as somebody who does a lot of work in the betrayal recovery space, when you find out you've been betrayed by your intimate partner, You've got a lot of decisions to make. Am I staying? Am I going being the first one? And just being empowered to say, you know what? even though people are telling me to leave, I wanna stay. Or even though people are telling me to stay, I wanna leave. just finding that nugget of power, being able to tune into yourself, in your truth, in your identity, and to know this is what I want, and my heart is telling me this. And I can get help, but the choice is mine. So just boiling all down to empowerment, I think, is so powerful.

Catherine Shanahan [00:25:44]:

Yeah. And I think it goes a little beyond that as well. you know, because even, you know, when when the message to me was my Twitter name, actually. And when I went through my divorce, You you were almost, like, looked at, like, you had the plague when you went out by yourself, or you were out to pick somebody up as a Like, you can't just go to a bar or a restaurant by yourself without everyone looking or either other women looking at you, like, you're coming to take their husbands. Right? but men can do that. Men can go out by themselves, and nobody says anything. So for me, it was where is the space to go to be around? Like, minded women because I'm a I I'm pretty confident a type of personality, but to go on trips by myself is never something I would do. I would never just go, and I always admire that people could do that. And when you meet me, you think I'll go anywhere and you think I'll do anything because you could tell by me talking. I just I'm not really shy. But where is an event where you can go who women have had the same experience? because you never really truly understand until you go through some thing. Right? So when, when Karen and I started that event, we did have the challenge of women feeling confident to go there. And but we stuck too. We were going to do this. We wanted to have this place, but we felt like someone were just too intimidated to come by themselves. or some didn't wanna be seen because they were in that thinking about it phase. So when we met Jasmine, we thought, oh, this is fantastic because We can just provide an event where they can have a divorce component to it, but but there's still people who are thinking about it or their moms are transitioning from empty thing. And then we had a lot of wither warriors come to Mrs. to me. And we also had people who were not divorced, but their children got divorced. So the grandparenting differently. So the tracks that we have really cover everything and it still provides that space because some times to empower yourself, you you need a little crutch. And the best little crutch is another woman who is not going to judge you, who's gonna space. It's not a place to come and cry and complain and bitch and moan. Although we do have cryers there, it's more of a healing cry or if it's more of a supportive cry And it's really a place to find your next step. Like, what is your next step going to be? because we're only as good as our next step. Right? That's what I believe anyway. So, yeah, I'm really excited about the event, and I don't feel like you should feel like you don't you're not powerful enough to come by your because you certainly are. I can guarantee you that you'll leave with at least 4 friends where we're all sitting right here. at or you're gonna leave with something something that you're going to share with somebody else or your children or yourself or family or friend. And I I look forward to that. That's That's what keeps me a little motivated, to do what we do every single day.

Lora Cheadle [00:28:32]:

I'm glad that you just called it out, that you called out that intimidation factor because that is something that we all feel. And you're absolutely right. Whether it's divorce, or talk about infidelity. You know, when I started coming coming out when I started letting people know, yeah, my husband cheated on me. for 15 years with 5 women, and I had no clue. You know? Yeah. There are some people that say, why were you so stupid? How did you not know? What did you do wrong? Yes. There's some outliers that say things like that. but you would be shocked at the numbers of people that came to me and would be like, this happened to me too. Thank you for talking about it. I don't feel like such a freak now. I always thought you were normal, and it happened to you too. So maybe I'm normal too.

Jasmine Rice [00:29:26]:

Mhmm. The connection piece, I think, is extremely important for me. I mean, I I'm not like Catherine and, talker. I'm a very introverted, pretty shy person. And going through my divorce, I locked us, the many friends and, I mean, the very few friends I had, I I, I realized they didn't either know how to support me or, they just didn't they didn't like, me talking about my divorce a lot. And that's what I needed to talk about at that time. So I lost 2 very dear friends to me going through the divorce and I felt very alone and the I wish I would have had an event like this to attend. The connection is, you're gonna walk in there even if you don't know anyone at all and you are going to leave with friends. You are going to leave with those connections. And, I just talked to one of the attendees she'll be coming this year. And she's so excited about that piece of it specifically. I mean, she's excited about the speakers, but she said, I wanna leave with friends. I wanna leave with that connection. I think anyone who attends this event will definitely be feeling that they have a new network of friends.

Catherine Shanahan [00:30:37]:

You're like me cry. Yeah. I'm gonna meet that attendant. Yeah. I love it.

Karen Chellew [00:30:45]:

That's so wonderful. and I was sitting here thinking that too, the the introverts, in all of us, you know, this place is welcoming for for that personality type as well. I'm very much an introvert. And when honestly, when I hear the word power or heard, I'm I'm coming along, It was I almost felt like that word meant it was was to the detriment of someone else just by my upbringing, how I was taught about power that I had no business being in that arena owning any kind of power. It took me a while to reconcile that word. into a place where I felt confident owning it and understood that it didn't mean I meant ill will towards anyone else. I just needed it to become a whole being for myself. And in that and from that, making connections where you do feel support of confidence and power. so I know that this event is going to bring all of that to the table for those personality types who just need that extra support as well.

Lora Cheadle [00:31:49]:

And I'm glad you mentioned that because power isn't about becoming an extrovert. it's not about, you know, putting on a badge and a crown and, like, yeah, I got this and and ruling. It's about being who you are. and being more comfortable in who you are and what you're going through. And I'm glad that you mentioned that as well too because You know, there's even sometimes religious connotations around power and societal conditioning around what a good, why is or what a good woman is around power. And you're right. It's it's not that, hey. Let's all go be get together and get each other riled up and go be man haters. It's about being who we are and being able to advocate for what we want. And, you know, that's like a big piece of my platform is helping women how to learn how to advocate for that. And, yes, some of us advocate more loudly Some of us advocate more quietly, but it's all about knowing who we are and how we can best embody ourselves.

Speaker G [00:32:54]:

So -- And

Catherine Shanahan [00:32:55]:

you don't have to be somebody else. Right? So that's so good.

Lora Cheadle [00:32:58]:

No. No. So what are some of the educational such that women can expect in a conference like this because we've talked about connection. We've talked about support. Well, what are some of the other things that they will learn about that they can do in an experience like this.

Jasmine Rice [00:33:17]:

We have the 3 different track that we're offering in addition to our keynote speakers, you can mix and match them depending on what resonates with you. So we I loved the misses to me, so we kept that as one of the tracks. So the misses to me, and it doesn't necessarily have to be for women who are divorced. It could be should I stay or should I go? As you said, Lora, that's actually the title of one of the presentations and just figuring out what, what you want your relationship to look like or your next relationship. We have the mom to me, and that is, women learning about other women who have faced these unique challenges and obstacles of being a mom, a new mom, emptyness syndrome, losing themselves as a mother. And then we have the me 2.0. I am a bad ass and I am ready to move into this next chapter of my life. and that could be career focused. Maybe you're scared to make a change in your career or you wanna start a business, Or again, like, what are some of those those fears that are holding you back from taking that next step to being that that version of yourself. So so many amazing speakers, and you can mix and match and just go to whatever session really resonates with you.

Lora Cheadle [00:34:35]:

I love that. I love that. Because you're right. In the moment, something just might be speaking to you and something might be calling you. And I'm also so happy that you have sessions around deciding because some of the deciding is dipping your toe into this, like, whole divorce world because we get this perception sometimes built up in our mind about what being divorced is like. And then when you can be around other people, you're like, oh, it's not like anything else. It's just it's just a continuation of who I am, and this is how I do it. And I also just wanna call out for the listeners, the MC of the conference. Do you wanna know who the MC of this whole conference is?

Jasmine Rice [00:35:16]:

Tada. It's busy.

Catherine Shanahan [00:35:21]:

And the crowd goes wild. We're so excited to have you.

Lora Cheadle [00:35:28]:

Oh, I am so excited to be there. and what I love about being the MC for this conference and what why I hope you attend is because it's the connection. It's the connection point not only of people, but of knowledge. And I feel like as someone who has gone through so much of this, and has experienced some really, really, really bad, horrible, painful, awful stuff, I am so honored to be able to meet you. to sit with you. To be able to help you decide sometimes like, yeah. This session might be really good for you. This track is something that's important for you to lean into. Yes. Here are some wonderful people and to just hold that space and to guide you through. So, yes, I wholeheartedly know that this event is going to be worthwhile and nurturing and fulfilling for you. Now where can people learn a little bit more about this event, read about the speakers, find out the details, all of that good stuff.

Jasmine Rice [00:36:42]:

The power of me dot co. And that's not dot com. It's dot co.

Lora Cheadle [00:36:49]:

Perfect. And I can put that link in the show notes as well. So the power of me dot co as in come on.

Catherine Shanahan [00:37:01]:

Exactly.

Lora Cheadle [00:37:04]:

What I would like to do to kind of round out and close-up the show is take some time with each of you and have you share your one best tip for women facing transition, whether that transition is divorce or being widowed or deciding or job or career or whatever, your one best tip for them.

Jasmine Rice [00:37:37]:

That's a lot. Pleasure, Lora. Wow. I have so many tips I'd wanna share, but that was one that came to me. So I'll I'll go with that even though have so many I would wanna share, but I would say get comfortable being uncomfortable. And back to the title of this podcast, you know, transition and transition is forever. We are always going transitions in our lives, and there are going to be times when it's uncomfortable. In marriages, we will often stay because it's comfortable. It's easy. It's not bad enough. And so we we stay there. We stay in situations in our life, but Get comfortable being uncomfortable. I believe helps prepare you for those bumps in the road that are always going to happen. They're just going too. They're we're always gonna have ups and downs in life. And when you're a little more comfortable with those challenging times, it makes you good get through them a little bit easier.

Lora Cheadle [00:38:40]:

Yeah. I'm gonna put you on the spot a little bit. How? How do we get comfortable being uncomfortable?

Karen Chellew [00:38:49]:

Oh, okay. I would tell

Jasmine Rice [00:38:50]:

you something that just happened to me the other day. There's a lot of things that I went through during my divorce, but I went to a hot yoga class. And I I love to move my body. Like, I am not someone who can sit and meditate and just be still on a Saturday, I have to be doing a 1,000,000,000 different things. I'm just not that person who can just sit down and and stay still. So in hot yoga, I love it because it's constantly flowing and you're moving your body. And every time I've been going to hot yoga for 10 years, I hear the instructors say It's okay if you need to just stay in child's pose because maybe that's where you're at today. I've never been able to do it because in my mind, no. I have to move my body is I'm too uncomfortable staying down in child's pose. And last week was a really challenging week for me, and I went to hot yoga I was down in child's pose and she said it, of course, and I almost got up and started doing the flows, but I stayed. I stayed down. and it was really hard at that moment, but it got more comfortable at the longer I stay down there. So for me, that's, I mean, that's an easy way to practice it. And then as bigger challenges happen in your life, I think that's when you can apply that.

Lora Cheadle [00:40:00]:

Yeah. I like that. Just try it. and keep trying it.

Jasmine Rice [00:40:04]:

Exactly.

Lora Cheadle [00:40:05]:

Yeah. Thank you. That that's super helpful. Listeners. Be comfortable. being uncomfortable and start and just be and try it and feel your emotions. I mean, that ties right back into the feeling of your emotions. I feel uncomfortable, and I'm okay. Thank you. Who wants to go next?

Catherine Shanahan [00:40:33]:

Well, let me piggyback back off of that. I love that because I do not yoga, and I tend to stay in child pose too long because I'm so uncomfortable with all the other moves but that that that was something I resonated with me because I couldn't actually visualize it. I'm such a visual person. So if I could use your -- analogy Jasmine. I would love to bring it into the financial world. You know, put all those papers in front of you. Go through the preparation platform. It does matter how you start And just believe, if I could challenge you to believe that you deserve to be uncomfortable asking for some of this information or looking at this information, it's okay. because when you go through the process, you will and and you're holding your portrait, you will feel comfortable knowing what you have what you need and what you want. and that will be life changing for you. That'll be a way for you to move forward because it doesn't matter. At the end of the day, every professional goes home. Your friends go home to their families. Everyone goes home. It's just you who's dealing with the rest of your life, and you can make it the best of your life. There are tons of resources for you to do that. So be uncomfortable with the the gathering of the information. asking the questions and then really enjoy being comfortable with making your own smart decisions.

Lora Cheadle [00:41:52]:

I wrote down when you said it does matter how you start. I really like that because it does require a clear decision And then you said, you can make it the best. There are resources available. And I want a foot stomp that because it's so easy to get stuck in that mindset of I'm the only one that's ever gone through this. This is so hard. I don't know how I can do it. I'm totally on my own. And I just really appreciate that you said naturally no. There are resources. There are a lot of resources. Look at you. You're a resource. Look at all of us. We're all resources. Look at Google. You know, even Google is a resource. If you're too afraid to reach out to somebody quite yet, and it does matter how you start. So get the help that you need, reach out to professionals who have been there, done that, and who are comfortable doing what you're not comfortable doing. And then, yeah, start creating that future that you want. Thank you.

Karen Chellew [00:43:04]:

That's awesome. So my little tip is pretty constant and consistent. I always say, guess what? You don't have to figure it all out today. You've you know, when you're going through a transition. It's all right there in front of you. Just dumped. And sometimes it's there than you are. But one of the things we all have to remember is All we have to do every day is get up, wake up, and take the step that's right in front of us. And the path seems to just become a parent as you keep taking each step. And so that helps me with my clients just helping them know that with all of these decisions that are eventually gonna be made. First of all, a lot of them don't even need to be a part of your day today. But you know they're there, but all you need to do today is just take the next step and know that eventually if all of your decisions will be right in front of you at the exact time you need to make that decision.

Lora Cheadle [00:44:11]:

I so appreciate that. And sometimes, the only thing you might have to figure out is do I stay in child's pose, or do I stand up?

Jasmine Rice [00:44:22]:

Exactly.

Lora Cheadle [00:44:23]:

And that's enough. And, you know, I really appreciate that too because Through my infidelity journey, where I'm at now 6 years later, I could have never seen back then. Never seen. Never anticipated. This is all completely new. and this is exactly where I need to be. And if I would have tried to figure it out in that 1st week or that 1st month or quite frankly, even in that 1st year, I think I would have hurt myself. I don't think I would feel as comfortable in who I am. I don't think I would feel as powerful as and as strong as I do now. I know I wouldn't have learned and applied to that knowledge to myself and my life because I would have rushed the process. So I really appreciate you saying you don't have to figure it out right now because chances are you don't have the insight or the awareness or the knowledge. that you need to make any of those decisions anyway. And when the time is right, you'll know it. And then you'll make the decision, and then you'll feel comfortable in that decision.

Jasmine Rice [00:45:42]:

It's so true. Yeah. And I tried to rush it, Lora. I did. I'm not a patient person, and I wanna to run, and I had nowhere to run because I didn't start with just taking that step by step. So I had to force myself to slow down which was really, really hard to do, but you're absolutely right. You just have to, you know, as Karen said, it's just one day at a time. You just face that day. That's all you can do.

Karen Chellew [00:46:11]:

And there's so much fear in the early moments of transition and and trauma people giving advice and not knowing what advice you should take and just feeling really unclear. And so, you know, really recognizing that you can take that in and decide what you wanna do about it and not make decisions based on fear and anxiety and vulnerability. It's important.

Jasmine Rice [00:46:37]:

Yeah. And, you

Lora Cheadle [00:46:39]:

know, Karen, you said another word, the trauma word. You know, trauma is real. Transition is one thing. Trauma is a whole another animal. And trauma does change your brain. It does change the way you perceive. It does change the way you react and respond. and working with somebody who is a trained trauma therapist who is trauma informed can also be life changing. Because when you're in the state of trauma, you think you're making really good decisions. And then as that trauma heals later on, that's when you look back and go, oh, Oh. Oh.

Catherine Shanahan [00:47:21]:

Well, what happens a lot because we know divorce comes down to family your kids and your if you have them and finances. And so someone who's had a trauma filled relationship, they don't give themselves enough time to heal. And so what they do is they find and they don't have financial clarity. So they're letting someone else dictate to them what's happening, but they end up finding an attorney who also bullies them, because they're used to that, or they have a friend, you know, women our narcissists also. They have a friend who might have some narcissistic traits who then tell them what to do. And so if you don't heal your trauma and that's not division, of course, it's your division, your risk division. But if you don't give yourself the opportunity to do that, those decisions that you make, like equitable distribution, they are you can't undo them. Once you do them, you do them. And we we've been on full phone calls, as a matter of fact, this week, where attorneys are really mean to their clients. And the clients are just sitting there because they've never healed It's also the reason why divorce rates are higher the second time around. There are almost 70% the second time around. It's because you marry the same type of personality in most cases. So, yes, take the take the advice of everything you hear and take the time you need and and heal yourself. And it and, you know, I can remember people saying to me, oh my god, you're so happy. You're you're away from him and you're not gonna be talked to like that anymore, but, you know, it took me two and a half years to heal that. You know, it's you don't you don't undo a 23 year relationship overnight just because he was an asshole. Right? Excuse my French. But, but, you know, you you need to take that time to develop that healing process the way it's gonna work for you. And that's what when friends say. Oh, you're just so much better off. Oh, yeah. Okay. I know, but I still need to cry now. You know, I too lost friends. But you know what? That losing those friends was part of the best healing process because they weren't really friends at the end of the day. Mhmm.

Lora Cheadle [00:49:24]:

But you're right. It's that it's that transition. It's that process, and it's it's just that awareness that I can't heal overnight. Just having that moment, oh, I am married to a narcissist. Oh, my partner is cheating. Oh, I'm not happy. You don't just miraculously then say, Oh, and now everything has shifted, and I figured it all out. And I think that's part of that connection that's so powerful with this conference too, because you're right. Our friends get tired of hearing about it. Our friends get tired of this external processing. If they haven't been there, they don't know. And Yeah. Some of their unhealthy gunk might also come up and get in the way, but being able to sit with other women who are going through maybe not the same thing, but something similar and to be able to just connect that, you know, none of us are broken. We're all fully functional formed human beings, we're just going through a really tough spot, and part of figuring it out is talking about it. and part of figuring it out is trying different scenarios in our brains. And part of figuring it out is getting help, and part of figuring it out is healing that trauma. So, yeah, another good reason that this is a good place to be.

Jasmine Rice [00:50:34]:

Something that I heard quite often when I was going through the divorce in the play stages so that, you know, time heals, time heals, just give it time. And, I mean, the reality is, yes, the the more time passes, you will start to reflect in in life happens, but it doesn't heal if you don't heal yourself. you will stay stuck. I mean, time does pass, but you can stay stuck or you can move along with time. And that's one of the things that I do with my my clients is I do teach them that how to take those steps because so many times when you're going through something traumatizing and in divorce, whether or not you wanted to leave the marriage or not, It's it's challenging and we can get stuck in the past. And how do we start moving forward from that? And I think that's something that women will get in this conference absolutely is learning from other people's experiences on how to take those steps to keep moving forward.

Lora Cheadle [00:51:30]:

Yeah. And I appreciate that you said that too because I I do some similar things in my work. I let people know because they all say, well, how do I get through betrayal? you get through it based on what you choose it's going to be. And sometimes we don't know what that choice is going to be and see other people and how they have chosen to move through it gives us the inspiration. Oh, I can be victimized and not be a victim. Oh, I can be happy again. This is how it looks, and it's really important for us to have that image of who we can be so we can make that choice because otherwise, who can I be? Gosh, I don't know. It feels really bad. I guess I'm broken for the rest of my life.

Catherine Shanahan [00:52:16]:

You know, that's really probably a good send off here because everyone listening or I know a lot of people that call or come to the conference, they'll say, oh, Lora, I wish I was you. Oh, Jasmine. I wish I was just like you. Oh, Karen. Oh my god. I can't believe you. so good. Oh, Catherine, how are you? So strong. But what they don't know is they don't know me 12 years ago. You know, they don't know you, I guess, 6 years ago, and Jasmine a few years ago and Karen, 19 years ago, they don't know us then. And the fact is we were exactly where you are sitting right now. off your listening. And so now we're, again, the resources and how we're able to put this together for you so that you can move through it a little bit faster that probably we did.

Lora Cheadle [00:52:58]:

Yes. Absolutely. So, yeah, listeners absolutely use us as inspiration. see how we have chosen. We have all made this choice to ride out this storm, to become who we wanted to be. But at the same time, hold yourself in that love, that compassionate space that where you are is the exact right space for where you are right now, You don't need to change it all by tomorrow. However long it takes you is however long it takes you, and there are resources out there. Thank you so much for being here, ladies. Thank you listeners for being here, for listening to the show. I really hope to see you add a future conference, have an amazing week, and always remember to FLAUNT! exactly who you are because who you are is always more. van enough.

Speaker G [00:53:54]:

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Narrator [00:57:08]:

Tune in next time to FLAUNT!, find your sparkle, and create a life you love after infidelity or betrayal. With radio host and live choreographer, Lora Cheedle, every Wednesday at 7 AM and 7 PM Eastern Time, unsindicated Dreamvision 7 radio network. develop naked self worth and reclaim your confidence, enthusiasm, and joy so you can create a life you love and embrace who you are today. download your free sparkle through betrayal recovery guide at naked self worth.com.