Rewriting D-Day After Infidelity: Winter Solstice Ritual to Heal Betrayal Trauma & Stop Obsessive Thoughts

Lora Cheadle [00:00:01]:
You're listening to Flaunt. Find your sparkle and create a life you love after Infidelity or Betrayal. A podcast for women who've been betrayed by their intimate partner and want to turn their devastation into an invitation to reclaim themselves and their worth. Tune in weekly so you can start making sense of it all and learn how to be okay on the inside, no matter what goes on on the outside. Download your free Betrayal Recovery toolkit at betrayalrecoveryguide.

Lora Cheadle [00:00:36]:
There's a moment in every life, the moment where everything changes. Where life as you knew it has completely been shattered. And in that moment, there's a part of you that is desperate to get back to the way things used to be. But there's another part of you that senses the power of what's opening and of what else might be possible for you. That's where my work begins. I help people move through this threshold, through the fear, the fear of the unknown, the shame, the darkness. All of those things that keep them stuck, stuck and into the truest version of themselves. Not the self shaped by expectations and performance, but the self that is powered by soul, by presence and by possibility.

Lora Cheadle [00:01:43]:
If you were in that breaking open moment right now, know that you don't have to walk through it alone. I am here. I have been there too. I can walk with you through that dark night of the soul. I can help you keep your eyes fixed on the horizon, on the possibility of what's next. So you can take the parts of the past that are worth preserving and so you can launch into the bigness, the brightness and the fullest expression of yourself and your Future. Go to introductorysession.com and book your session with me. We can get it all laid out.

Lora Cheadle [00:02:40]:
Figure out the plan that is best for you so you keep moving forward and so you don't stay stuck or fall back. Because there's nothing worse than wasting this pure potential of this moment that is both catastrophic but also cataclysmic in its own way. I can't wait to connect with you and to co create what is next. Introductory session.com I'll see you there. What would it have been like if you would have known the Betrayal was coming up? What would it have been like to have been prepared, to somehow have known that this is coming up next week? You know in a month my world is going to fall apart. Okay, three days to go. Two days to go. Okay, tomorrow is the day.

Lora Cheadle [00:03:45]:
How different would your experience have been if you would have been able to prepare, to prepare your mind, to prepare Your heart. We are coming up on winter solstice, the longest night of the year, the darkest night of the year. And this show is going to lead you right into that darkness. This show is going to lead you right into that darkness. But this time, we are going to be leading you in with preparation, with understanding, and with the knowledge that as soon as the sun rises the day after winter solstice, the light is already returning. The light is already returning. And yes, it's an analogy for your betrayal recovery journey. But this show is going to be so rich and deep and heart centered and soulful that it truly has the potential to change everything for you.

Lora Cheadle [00:05:17]:
So grab a cup of tea if you can, sit back, make yourself comfortable, and let's dive in. All right. Whether your D day was a one time event or was a series of events, trickle truth coming out, piece at a time, piece at a time, or whether you're still in that process, I want you to think about what you would have done, what you could have done to prepare yourself for that kind of news. Right now, as I am recording the show, we are approaching winter solstice. We are approaching the longest night of the year. So my ask for you is to think back and to think about what you could have done to care for yourself, what you could have done to have made this blow, this news more palatable, easier to swallow, or less traumatic in some way. Because here's the thing. I believe on a soul level, there was a part of us that knew that this was coming.

Lora Cheadle [00:06:50]:
There was a part of us that knew all along that this was going to happen. And yes, like me, I was completely blindsided. I'm sure you're saying, no, Lora, I was totally blindsided. Yes, I hear you. I was blindsided too. And yet still, I also believe that part of my soul knew, part of my heart knew. Because when I look back now, I can see some of the subtleties, I can see some of the messages, whether there are messages from spirit or messages from other people that were dropped into my feel of awareness, that sought to soften the blow a little bit, that, no, at the time, I didn't understand at all. But again, looking back, I can see I'm just going to share with you a few of those little nuggets.

Lora Cheadle [00:07:57]:
Maybe nine months before the first D day, I had a gal that I went to for energy work say to me, is Sean cheating? And I was like, I literally laughed. No. Oh my gosh, that's not him at all. He doesn't even flirt with people when I'm around. Absolutely not. That is, that is not who he is. But there was also something in me that listen to that. And even though I really did not think it was even possible, it served kind of as a wake up call.

Lora Cheadle [00:08:43]:
Looking back, this is a really interesting one. Looking back, way back in the early 2000s, when he first began his very first affair. I was cleaning out our basement and do you remember VHS videos? We had a whole rack, we had a VHS video rack and we had all of our big VHS movie tapes on that rack. And I was going through them because we weren't really using VHS at the time. We were moving to dvd. And I was thinking, there's a lot of movies I can get rid of. And one of the movies I had was Fatal Attraction. And you know, when I first saw that movie, I think it was in college, that I first saw was a great movie.

Lora Cheadle [00:09:30]:
You know what I mean? Great drama. Woo. Oh my God, she's a bunny boiler. Drama, drama, drama. And I thought it was a great movie. I have no idea why I ended up with it. I can't imagine that it was a movie that I purchased. But for some reason I had that movie.

Lora Cheadle [00:09:48]:
And it was really interesting because I had a visceral reaction to that movie when I saw it on the shelf in the early 2000s, the same time Sean was starting his first affair. I literally had a visceral reaction and I threw the movie away. I didn't even donate it. I always donate things because I have this weird hang up that I don't want things to end up in a landfill if I can help it. But no, I threw this movie away. And not only did I throw it away, I took it back out of the trash can and I stomped on it so I could break it and pull out some of that tape. I don't know why. Even at the time I thought, wow, you liked this movie.

Lora Cheadle [00:10:30]:
That's kind of odd. I don't know what that was about. But again, looking back on it, it's like, did my soul know? And I really do believe that whether you think it's our energy field or our soul or whatever, I do believe there was a part of me the must have known, otherwise I wouldn't have had that kind of a reaction. My third little nugget that dropped in was around that same time a little bit after. So it maybe would have been one or two years after Sean was having an affair. There was a stay at home dad in our friend circle and a lot of the moms were like how do you even handle a stay at home dad? Is that, how do we approach him? Is this just normal? When you invite kids over for a play date, the mom usually stays and you have coffee and you talk and you walk. How does this work when it's a stay at home dad, if you invite somebody over for a play date, is it just that, that we're inviting somebody over for a play date? Or do we say, no, you're a man, don't stay at my house, or how do we address that? And it was interesting because at the time we were like, I don't even know. Because there was nothing, nothing flirty ever happened, nobody was ever thinking anything wrong, but we were just talking amongst ourselves, like, how do we handle that? Because I don't want somebody to have the wrong idea.

Lora Cheadle [00:12:01]:
I don't want to be in a situation where I am afraid for my safety or where somebody is afraid or where accusations can be made. That's just a little bit awkward. So what we all decided is whenever that family would be included in play dates, there would just be three families. So that way it could be two moms and a dad and there would always be that third person there just to make everybody feel more comfortable. And then as we all got to know each other, it was just totally comfortable anyway. And it ended up not being a problem. But the fact of the matter remains, it was something that we talked about, it was something that was in my field, it was in my energy field. And there are just several different instances like that along the way where affairs would come into my energy field.

Lora Cheadle [00:12:56]:
So was it me prepping myself? Was it my energy field, my soul preparing me? I think the biggest one was when I wrote my first book, Flaunt, drop your cover and reveal your smart, sexy and spiritual self. For those of you who haven't read it, it's a five step process that takes you from compressed and shut down and you know, traumatized and dejected to living fully. And both my agent and the publisher kept saying, this is an amazing framework, but what is this the solution to? Like, is it the solution to, you know, what's, what's the problem? What is the problem that it's solving? And I'd be like, let's just solving that problem of being compressed and shut down. And they kept saying, no, it's gotta be something more specific than that. Like it, is this what survivors of sexual abuse would need? Is this what, you know, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah would need? And I kept, I kept being kind of confused. They kept Saying, why did you write it? What. What is the problem that you're solving? And it's funny, not funny that after I got my book right, at the same time that I was getting my book contract was the time that the betrayal came to light and. And all of a sudden it became clear this flaunt framework is the solution to betrayal Trauma.

Lora Cheadle [00:14:35]:
Would have never been able to label that before, but wow, that came into my awareness before I knew. So those are some of the things I think were given to me to prepare me, to pave the way to make it so that even though I will tell you I was totally blindsided, I think they prepared me a little bit. So taking it one step further, what are the things that you could have done for yourself to prepare? Maybe I would have taken better care of myself. Maybe I would have slept more if I knew this was coming. If I knew I only had one month left in my current reality, you know, three weeks left in my current reality, two weeks left in my current reality, what are the things I would have appreciated more? What are the things I would have slowed down and savored? How would I have let other people manage themselves? And how would I have stepped up on my own self care? Would I have gotten support? Would I have hired a coach? Would I have done some work leading up to it? I need to be prepared. Teach me all the ways to regulate my nervous system. Teach me all the tricks and tools that you know to calm the body, to calm the mind so I can have a good night's sleep. Take care of all of these other things so I'm not distracted by them when I'm dealing with all of this.

Lora Cheadle [00:16:19]:
Think about that for yourself. And as we approach winter solstice, I'd like you to lean in and start doing some of those things. It's like giving yourself a do over. It doesn't matter when your actual D day was. We are going to pretend Winter solstice is your D day. And if you're listening to the show after winter Solstice, not a problem. Pick your day, but I want you to have time leading up to a certain day. But this time you're preparing yourself so this time you are ready.

Lora Cheadle [00:17:11]:
So whether you're making an actual physical list, you know what I would have, yeah, I would have learned about the nervous system. I would have learned. I would have learned to meditate. I would have scheduled less for other people and taken more time for me. I would be in the middle of a really good book. I would have a playlist Ready? I would create that list of things that you would do to support yourself and start doing those things as you approach solstice. For those of you who have had a baby, who did some of the childbirth classes, the hospital that I was at offered Lamaze classes, and then I also did a Bradley Method childbirth class. And it's my guess that if you had a baby, you two did some sort of class on preparing for labor.

Lora Cheadle [00:18:10]:
Okay, so what are some of the things that they do when you're preparing for labor? Well, they tell you about it, right? They say the contractions are going to start being further spaced apart. They're going to get closer and closer together. They're going to start being less intense, then they're going to be more and more intense. And then you're going to go into this phase called transition. And transition is just really hard, and it's really awful. And you think it's going to be the worst, and you think that you can't get through it. And then all of a sudden, it gets easier and you go into the pushing phase and transition. You might shake, you might sweat, you might.

Lora Cheadle [00:18:47]:
Like they tell you all these things to do. So you know the map, you know the journey. Okay? Contractions start off easy, then they get hard. We go into transition. It's a nightmare. Then we go into the pushing phase. That can wear you out, but it's less dramatic because you're already dilated, you're already a face. So you've got the roadmap, right? And then you're supposed to pack your bag early.

Lora Cheadle [00:19:13]:
You're supposed to get your massage balls, your essential oils, your playlist, your happy fuzzy socks. Like, you get all of these things together because you are preparing for this difficult journey. So many places even have you write out your birth plan. I want this, and I want to save the cord blood, and I want dad to cut the umbilical cord. Like, you have all of these plans, and you go to a doctor, and you might hire a birthing coach, and then you have this whole plan. I'm going to do a water birth, and I want this music playing. Like, think about all of the things that you do to prepare for your comfort and even enjoyment of that experience, right? So that's what I'm having you do right here, right now, is to imagine, visualize, or pretend that you are preparing for D Day. And in case you're wondering why, for the love of God, do I want to relive all of this? Lora, why are we doing this? This is why you Might know.

Lora Cheadle [00:20:24]:
I'm a clinical hypnotherapist. Did you know that? The subconscious mind really controls the show. It controls the way we think, perceive, react. It controls all of those thoughts that we have. 90% of the thoughts that we think are recycled thoughts from the day before and the day before and the day before. 90% of the way that we act and feel and think and believe comes from the subconscious programming. So what happens in a betrayal type of experience is your conscious mind gets completely overloaded and overwhelmed with the trauma. All trauma kicks you into the subconscious state.

Lora Cheadle [00:21:12]:
All trauma takes the conscious mind takes it offline and you go into that survival mode. Survival mode is subconscious processing, okay? So you create this new pattern to get through the trauma of your actual D day. You are in fight, flight, or freeze. You are in some sort of trauma. And then that trauma gets locked in. The trauma is locked in to your subconscious mind, to your physical body, to the cells. And then you say, betrayal changed me. I'm totally ruminating.

Lora Cheadle [00:21:53]:
I've got obsessive thoughts. Betrayal changed me. I'm broken. I'll never be the same again. I can't stop thinking about it. It's been two and a half years and I still can't get those images out of my mind. And what I say is, that's because it's locked into the subconscious. You can't, using the 10% of your conscious mind, just will yourself to not think about it.

Lora Cheadle [00:22:17]:
You cannot just will yourself to get better. You cannot just decide to stop ruminating. And that's one of the biggest reasons that I do what I do, is I know how to target the subconscious. I understand those patterns. And you don't have to stay stuck, nor do you have to spend 10 years or 5 years doing weekly therapy. You can unstick yourself in a relatively short period of time when you target the subconscious mind. And this is one of the ways to do it. Because, you see, the subconscious mind doesn't know the difference between fantasy and reality.

Lora Cheadle [00:23:02]:
That's why, like, you dream at night and you dream that you're slipping on ice. And what happens? Your body jerks, or you dream something is happening and you start twitching and moving. Dogs do that when they dream. It's like you can see their little paws running. That's because the subconscious mind, which is where dreams happen, doesn't know the difference between reality and fantasy. So if your mind is saying, I'm slipping on ice, your body is going to respond. So that's what this podcast is about. That's why we are taking the solstice season, which is energetically, spiritually, the dark night of the soul.

Lora Cheadle [00:23:48]:
And we are walking you step by step into your dark night of the soul. But this time you are doing it with preparation. This time you are doing it with knowledge and awareness. And this time it's not going to feel as traumatic because this time you have control. So it's going to change your memory of the event. It's not that you will forget what really happened. It. You're smart, you got a brain, you know what happened.

Lora Cheadle [00:24:26]:
What it's going to do is it's going to change the way you feel about that event. How many of you can think back to D day and still feel like you're going to throw up? How many of you still feel flushed or all of a sudden get shaky or have that feeling in your gut or your heart? That's what this is going to change. It's going to change the way you experience and feel about D day. Okay? So as we walk towards winter solstice, as we walk towards the darkest night of the year, as we walk towards that worst thing that ever happened to us, we are prepared. You are prepared. I don't care if you were taking a full week. I don't care if you're taking a couple of days. What are the things that you would do to prepare this time, do that.

Lora Cheadle [00:25:33]:
Maybe you can even just take a weekend off. Maybe you can rent a room, go away somewhere. Maybe you want to be with people that you love. Maybe you want to spend that time in gratitude, naming and feeling the things that you loved about your life before everything came crashing down. There's no right, there's no wrong. Just walk yourself through this experience. And then on the night of the solstice, wherever you're at, I want you to allow yourself to feel, to feel fully the darkness, the despair, the emptiness of it all. And the reason that I want you to go there is because when you allow yourself to go there, you see that you can bear it.

Lora Cheadle [00:26:54]:
It's not something that you have to push away. It's not something that you have to distract yourself from. It's something you can bear. Just like childbirth, when you know it's coming, when you've packed your bag, you've taken your birthing classes, you've got all of those tools, you know you can bear it. And then you also know if it gets to the point that you can't bear it, you know what some of the alternatives are. You know that there's an epidural you know that there's all these different options, but allow yourself to feel it, because you know it's going to end. You know the sun will rise again. You know that baby will be born.

Lora Cheadle [00:27:53]:
And you know that you won't be stuck forever in this place. Whether it's a literal cesarean section or just a metaphoric one, you will get through this. And there's so much magic, there's so much wisdom and power and allowing yourself to just be in that state and to walk yourself there with preparation, with intention. So on that winter solstice, just walk yourself there and treat your experience with reverence. Because this experience, while, yes, it changed your life, it changed your identity, it might have changed your whole family structure, it changed your belief about love and the world and people, it's also a catalyst. And it's holy. It's holy. So how can you approach it with reverence instead of pushing it away, instead of saying, I wish it never would have happened, if only it wouldn't have happened, but to embrace it fully, because you know it's here and you know this time you are prepared.

Lora Cheadle [00:29:37]:
So after allowing yourself to sit, to be in that darkness, not to run from it, not to push it down, but just to be there and to feel it. The sadness, the despair, the grief, the rage, whatever it is, you know the sun will come up the next day, and you know that each and every day from that point forward until summer solstice, each day will be getting a little bit longer and a little bit brighter. And the thing is, it's an imperceptible change. It's not like we wake up the day after the solstice and say, wow, things are definitely rosier in my world. No, we still think it's dark, it's cold, but it is getting lighter. And same thing. Two days after, we don't notice a difference. And three days after, we don't notice the difference.

Lora Cheadle [00:30:44]:
And oftentimes, as we're living it day after day after day, we don't notice the difference. It's just that all of a sudden, we drive home or we drive to our fitness class or whatever it is, and we go, whoa, it's not pitch black right now. Oh, my gosh, my lights didn't go on. It's totally getting lighter. That healing happens. The joy happens, the love happens, the light happens. And the thing is, we don't even have to try. Sometimes it just happens.

Lora Cheadle [00:31:25]:
And when we focus on it not happening fast enough, that's where we get in trouble when we want to Go from the dark night of the soul all of a sudden into peak joy and sunniness. It doesn't work. It's too big of a jump. It's too big of a gap. So what happens? We get defeated. We're like, I'm so depressed. I can't believe this happened to me. I'm totally broken.

Lora Cheadle [00:31:58]:
I'm going to try to. I know I'm going to talk myself into feeling better with this 10% of my conscious brain. I'm going to say, I get over it. I see what the problem is, and he's out of here. And I'm going to make myself better. I'm going to go and I'm going to go out on Friday and it's going to be an amazing day. And then we get ourselves all hyped up and we go out Friday and we don't have an amazing day. And then it confirms that we're broken.

Lora Cheadle [00:32:24]:
Then we come home and we say that, well, that was awful and I didn't mean anybody. And men suck and the world sucks and I'm too old and I don't look good and I don't even remember how to have a conversation with anybody. And we confirm for ourselves that we're really, really, really broken. We rarely extend that compassion for ourselves, that that's too much too soon. Healing happens in small increments. Yes, we have to decide to get better. Yes, we have to face the sun. But healing happens in those slow increments.

Lora Cheadle [00:33:04]:
How many times have you thought, this is it. I bought this program, I saw this person, I just did this thing. And then you beat up on yourself. What's wrong with me? I didn't complete it. I didn't have a huge aha moment. I've been talking to the same counselor for six months and nothing has changed. How many of you give yourself compassion? Wow. Think about these small micro steps.

Lora Cheadle [00:33:32]:
I am feeling better. I'm crying less often. I did laugh the other day, legitimately and honestly. Wow. I did have a good night's sleep last night. I didn't even realize that versus still not sleeping. I still don't know what I want. Oh, my God, the holidays are coming and now I have to deal with walk yourself to the dark night of the soul and then walk yourself out of the dark night of the soul more slowly, yet more consistently than you might imagine.

Lora Cheadle [00:34:13]:
And what I want you to do is on this journey from December 21st to the summer solstice, I want you to stay focused on some of these micro steps. Mark in Your calendar, mark it weekly. Set yourself a Sunday night plan or a Monday morning plan of just focusing on where you're going to be at the end of the week, realizing that you've got six months to do this. This is not an overnight thing. Where do you want to be by summer solstice? Where do you want to be in that fullness of your radiance and the fullness of your joy? And then what are those micro steps that you will take along the way? What will you pack in this bag to support you on this journey? Because just like I am having you pack the metaphoric bag to walk you into the dark night of the soul, I also want you to pack that metaphoric bag to walk you to the fullness of. Of who you are. What skills do you need? What people do you need? What support do you need? How do you need to show up differently for yourself? What are some boundaries that you need? And when I talk about boundaries, I really like to focus on micro boundaries. So many of us get all pumped up with boundaries, and we, like, do way too big of boundaries.

Lora Cheadle [00:35:56]:
So small boundaries. Here's a. Here's a way that I take care of myself. I sleep seven to eight hours a night. Set an alarm that reminds you you got to go to bed in an hour and then honor yourself. Set an alarm to get up a little bit early to read something that nourishes you, or to journal, join a gym or a Pilates studio, stream a workout. Set aside 20 minutes to take a walk. Whatever it is, these are the things that you are packing in your metaphoric bag that will help you on your journey from the dark night of the soul to the fullness of that warmth and joy and love.

Lora Cheadle [00:36:51]:
Again, going slowly and confirming yourself and confirming your progress along the way. So by summer solstice, so six months from now, you will be significantly different with and without your conscious help. You will be significantly different. What do you mean, Lora? With and without your conscious help. I'm so glad you asked. Let's talk about that. Okay? We are consciously right now walking you towards D day. Right? We're consciously preparing.

Lora Cheadle [00:37:38]:
You're going into it. You're sitting with it. You are feeling it fully. But this time, you have the knowledge that the sun will rise tomorrow and that things will be a little bit better. But you also have the conscious knowledge that you've got six months. You have got six months, and that healing will happen in such small increments that you might not notice it along the way. But looking back, that's when you'll notice it. So consciously you are choosing, this is how I want to feel and be and experience life in six months.

Lora Cheadle [00:38:17]:
That's the conscious part. The conscious part is packing the bag, creating the plan. I am really bad with accountability, so I am getting some help. I'm hiring a coach, I'm using timers on my phone, I'm connecting with my best friend and I'm going to set up a support group. Whatever it is, I know I need accountability. I know I need a plan. Plan your work. Work your plan.

Lora Cheadle [00:38:47]:
You are creating this path over the next six months and you know where you're going to go. So that is the conscious part. The conscious part is staying on track. Now, the subconscious part, when I said with or without your help. This is the without your help part. You don't need to try all the time. Once you get the habits in place, the habits start running themselves. Once you get those microhabits going, your life just becomes different.

Lora Cheadle [00:39:18]:
You start healing without consciously thinking, I am going to now journal for 10 minutes so I can heal. You just have that flow. You journal automatically. You slip into a meditative state. You do some of your breath work, you stand up and do a couple of conscious stretches. You have better sleep, you have better eating habits, you have better fitness. You have a routine appointment. Every Monday I talk to Lora.

Lora Cheadle [00:39:44]:
Every other week, I do this. You have those structures in place so the healing happens without your conscious input because you've set the structure. So then when you look back three months at a time, six months at a time, then you're like, whoa, it's light when I'm driving home. When did that happen? It's light until 9 o' clock at night. When did that happen? It happened when you were busy living. It happened when you were busy enjoying life. And that's the miracle of the healing season. And that's what I want you so desperately.

Lora Cheadle [00:40:30]:
I want want you to experience this so together going into the solstice, pack your bag, feel it fully, and then together coming into the light, name your direction, pack your bag, set the structure, work your plan. Get the accountability in place to get that plan functioning. And then once that structure is in place, sit back, live your life and let the healing happen. So by this time next summer, you can look back on this whole experience and be like, well, wow, that was amazing. And then on that summer solstice, don't worry, I'll do another show. You'll know that it's coming, but that's where I want you and Us to celebrate where I want us to dance in the literal and the metaphoric sun, that, hey, I did this. I am free from obsessive thoughts. I do know who I am and what I deserve.

Lora Cheadle [00:41:46]:
Wow. I can communicate and advocate much better than I ever have. Whether you're with your partner or happily separate, you know who you are and you are at peace because you know you made the right decision for the right reason, because you've planned the work. You've worked the plan, and the healing has become you. And I can't say enough about how important it is to celebrate. You know, I talk about sitting in the holiness of the dark night of the soul, but it's also sitting in the holiness of the joy, because it's about the all. We can't have the highs without the lows. They are the ends of the polarity, the ends of the stick.

Lora Cheadle [00:42:49]:
And the lower we go, the higher we go. So think how far down you went. That's how far you can go up and you can feel it all and you can hold it all, and it's not going to break you or destroy you. I've said this a lot, but I really believe the real tragedy is betrayal, is not the betrayal itself. The real tragedy of the betrayal is the failure to rise up after the betrayal, to reclaim your heart, your soul, your identity, and to rise into the fullness of who you are. That's the tragedy of betrayal. Season, cycle, life cycles, going back to the labor, even the contractions cycle. Everything cycles.

Lora Cheadle [00:44:05]:
Birth, death, light, dark, love, fear. It's all a cycle. And when we can detach in a healthy way, detach enough to know that this is not the end of the story. Detach enough to know that this narrative doesn't have to define us and at the same time lean in enough to feel it all, to experience it all. That's when we become more attuned to the nuances, when we can trust life again. We can trust that the sun rises and sets. We can trust that the seasons change. We can trust that just because we're in the darkness of winter that spring will indeed come, and then summer and then fall, and that we can go through this whole thing again.

Lora Cheadle [00:45:17]:
I think one of the reasons healing from betrayal is so hard is we don't have the map. Nobody told us it's not like a Lamaze birth class. We don't get married and instantly have the class on what to do when there's infidelity. It's. It's like death. We avoid talking about it because we kind of act like if I don't talk about it, it's never going to happen to me. Or we're weirdly arrogant that that happens to other people, that doesn't happen to me. Or I would know if it would happen and I would never.

Lora Cheadle [00:45:54]:
There's all these stories, right? And then we get this weird narrative about what infidelity is and that it's about lust and passion and all of these things, and it's usually not. Or that it's about the woman letting herself go and leaning too much into her kids and ignoring her poor man. And that the marriage is already broken. And in reality, it's usually not. So we don't have the map. We don't know what the journey really looks like. We don't know the tough parts. We don't know success stories.

Lora Cheadle [00:46:32]:
That's another pet peeve of mine. There's not a lot of success stories. And by success story, I don't mean just getting back together with your partner. That's one way to have success. But it's also a success story if you can reclaim your identity. It's also a success story if you decide to separate from a toxic partner who will never do the work. It's also a success story if you can find some sort of forgiveness in your heart and move on, but also completely block them. Look at the map.

Lora Cheadle [00:47:11]:
What does this journey look like? And what are the tools that you need along the way to comfort yourself? What are the options? Just like an epidural is an option, a water birth is an option, a standing birth is an option, a birth coach is an option, a doula is an option. Like, know your options. Pack your bag. Create the kind of structure and support just like you would write a birth plan. Let's get together and write your betrayal recovery plan, shall we? Because quite honestly, how are you going to know you're healed if you don't have a plan? What does that even look like for you? My idea of healing is different than yours, and it's different than everybody else's. So your job is to start getting really clear on that. What is your healing plan? What do you need to comfort yourself in these various stages? Here's the journey. Here's what the journey looks like.

Lora Cheadle [00:48:15]:
I can tell you that contractions are getting closer together. We're moving into transition, and now we've got the pushing phase. I can give you that map. What do you need for each stage? What are the areas that you need support in? What are the tools that you need? Pack your bag and let's set off on this journey together. I love, love, love, love, love, love talking about this. I love, love, love, love, love the ritual around the seasons. In my group coaching program, Sanctuary of the Soul, I do a ritual every month because it is so important to stop and to assess where you're at along the way. And I firmly believe it doesn't matter if it's betrayal, recovery or something else, that it's essential for us to pause and assess where we're at on the journey.

Lora Cheadle [00:49:21]:
Whether this is the journey of your whole life, the journey of betrayal, recovery, the journey of whatever it is, you've got to set the plan for you. You've got to have that conscious awareness of what you want and how to get there. And then you need to take stock and pause along the way because otherwise it's going to be one of those situations where this happened 10 years ago and I'm still bitter. This happened 20 years ago and I'm still telling that story. Okay, I'm in a new relationship, but my heart's a little bit closed and I'm not really sure if this is going to work. I'm still impacted every time I see a movie that's got infidelity. I want you to be free. I want you to be free.

Lora Cheadle [00:50:22]:
So whether you follow the exact cycle of the seasons and lean into the actual winter solstice, which is coming up December 21st, and then move into the summer solstice, or whether you are listening to this at some other time, pick those times. Pick that six month mark. Set your plan. Get yourself structure. Get yourself accountability. Plan your work. Work your plan and then just let it flow. If you need help, you know that I'm here.

Lora Cheadle [00:50:56]:
My introductory Sessions are only 97. Go to introductory session.com and get scheduled. Then after that you can book with me one on one. You can book with me as a couple or on your own anytime that you want. Or if you are absolutely committed to pure transformation, join me in my Rise and Rain program. That is that six month container that takes you from the dark night of the soul to the light. This transforms every area of your mind, your soul and your being. We focus on ancestral healing so your kids don't carry this legacy forward.

Lora Cheadle [00:51:38]:
We do it all. Not only do we create the plan, but you have me by your side in your ear as often as you want to talk with me daily, multiple times daily. If that works for you, it doesn't matter because you have access to me via an app. So we just talk along the way, getting you set up, getting you structured. And then I'll help you look back so you can see how much healing you have done. So whether it's pure transformation in my Rise and Rain program or it's the introductory session followed by weekly sessions or monthly sessions, it doesn't matter. Get yourself some help. Learn the structure, learn the map and get the tools that will assist you along the way.

Lora Cheadle [00:52:31]:
Wherever you're at in the world, this winter season is really special. I hope you have the opportunity to lean into some of the darkness, some of the generative powers of stepping back, of relaxing, of sleeping more even if you're sick. I know so many people have the flu or bad colds right now. How can you actually relish that time away? How can you nurture the body and just relax more and enjoy the fact that you kind of have an excuse not to participate or engage anymore because you're sick? Lean into that, enjoy the quiet, celebrate in a way that is meaningful to you. And just like I talked about a few shows back, if you can, I really challenge you to drop the performance and instead to lean into that full presence with whatever you believe. Feel that presence, feel yourself, feel the magic of the season, feel the divine support that's all around you and just allow yourself to bear witness to the world, to your friends, to your family, but most importantly to yourself. How you're showing up, how you are feeling and being. Nourish yourself, Sleep well, have an amazing week.

Lora Cheadle [00:54:28]:
And as usual, always remember to flaunt exactly who you are. Because who you are is always more than that. Enough.

Lora Cheadle [00:54:40]:
Tune in next time to flaunt, find your sparkle and create a life you love after Infidelity or betrayal with Lora Cheadle every Wednesday at 7am and 7pm Eastern Standard Time on syndicated DreamVision 7 radio network. Uncover the truth of what's possible for you on the other side of betrayal and develop the skills and strategies necessary to embrace the future and flourish today. Download your free Betrayal Recovery toolkit@betrayalrecoveryguide.com.