Stop Saying “I Just Want to Heal” — Define What Healing Means in 2026 (After Infidelity)

Lora Cheadle [00:00:01]:
You're listening to Flaunt. Find your sparkle and create a life you love after Infidelity or Betrayal. A podcast for women who've been betrayed by their intimate partner and want to turn their devastation into an invitation to reclaim themselves and their worth. Tune in weekly so you can start making sense of it all and learn how to be okay on the inside, no matter what goes on on the outside. Download your free Betrayal Recovery toolkit@betrayalrecoveryguide.com.

Lora Cheadle [00:00:31]:
Foreign we start this show, I am going to give you a quick four minute practice that is going to set the stage and really help you be able to go deeper. All right, here is that practice. I want you right now to think about where you are. Whether you're having a terrible day or an amazing day or somewhere in between, just think about where you are and just feel that presence. Feel yourself being in the energy of this day. And now I want you to think about that next level version of who you want to be. And that next level version can be somebody who is not crying all the time. It can be somebody who's very clear about their future.

Lora Cheadle [00:01:27]:
And it can be somebody who is really transcendent and gone or all the way, whatever it is. I just want you to think about yourself, feel you and the energy now and then move yourself gently, energetically, to that next level that is one step up, one step more. What would it feel like? And I want you to just pretend, imagine that you are sitting there with that level of peace, clarity, happiness, whatever it is just that first level. Now, from that first level, what does that person want? What does that next level version of you want? Not what do you want right now, but what is that next level version of you want want? And I want you to put yourself there. First level version might want some peace and clarity, first level version might want herself back, but that first level version, she might want something entirely different. Now that she has her clarity back, now that she feels like herself again, now she's going to want something more. What is that something more that she wants? Maybe that something more is a relationship. Maybe that something more is financial success.

Lora Cheadle [00:03:06]:
Maybe that something more is a place of her own support. And I want you to put yourself into that next level. What would it feel like not to be one step up, but two steps up and feeling that, and I know it feels like quite the stretch, I want you to do it a third time because a third time is a charm. What is that next next level version of you? What does she want? What does that version? Who is successful and financially stable and who has all the support and happy relationships and peace of mind and all of that. What does she want? What does she want? And if you're sitting here thinking too much too soon, that's okay. This is just the practice that I wanted to start this show with. The practice of jumping yourself ahead. Not one, not two, but three versions.

Lora Cheadle [00:04:22]:
Why? Because it paves the way. It smooths the transition, and it helps you to see that what you want is not such a stretch because there is stuff way beyond that. So with that, let's get into the show. What does 2026 have in store for you? And most importantly, what do you want 2026 to have in store for you? If you have ever said anything like, I just want to heal, I just want to feel like myself again, I just want to get back to normal, then this show is for you. Because what do those phrases really even mean? Now tune in to your body. I don't want you to feel attacked when you hear that, like, oh, my gosh, I've done something wrong. I don't know. I don't know what healing means.

Lora Cheadle [00:05:24]:
I don't know what it means to feel good again. I don't know. You're not alone. So many of us don't know exactly what we want because we haven't been taught or conditioned or trained in that fine art of deciding what we want, staking a claim to what we want, and then walking towards that thing that we want. And that's what we're going to work on today. We are going to get very clear on what are you birthing in 2026. What are you birthing in 2026? And we're going to get very clear on that. In service of that, I also have been feeling so called to connect with you all.

Lora Cheadle [00:06:17]:
So what I'm offering is on Saturday, January 10th, from 9 to 11 Mountain, which is 11 to 1 Eastern, 8 to 10 Pacific, I'll give you all the information. I'm hosting 8, a two hour vision board workshop specifically designed to help you figure out what it is you want, what it is you are birthing. And because I've been feeling called to do this so strongly, I'm doing it for only $26. In honor of 2026, of course. And yes, there will be a replay. So if you can't show up that exact day, no worries. Once you sign up, once you pay, you will get the replay. And then you can use this replay year after year after year after year to help you really stayed focused and conscious about what it is you want.

Lora Cheadle [00:07:18]:
So to sign up, go to flourishafterinfidelity.com flourish after infidelity.com, sign up, pay your $26, and then you'll have this video, the meditations, the journaling, the paperwork, all of that stuff forever. So now let's get back to the show and this idea of what are you birthing? What do you want in 2026? And really, what's the difference between not controlling? Because I did a show a couple weeks ago on the difference between controlling and directing. Not controlling, but also being specific. Enough with your desires, with your wants, to get what you want. So let's start. The universe responds to specificity. Our brain responds to specificity. Everything responds to specificity.

Lora Cheadle [00:08:31]:
And here's what I mean by that. I'm sure you have had an opportunity where you jump online to place an order and you have something in mind, and you're not exactly sure what it is. You're just like, you know what? I need a new blue top to go with that new pair of cream pants that I've got. So I know I need a new blue top. And then you're like, well, is it baby blue? Is it navy blue? Is it sky blue? Is it steel blue? Okay, I've got to figure this out. What shade of blue do I want? Is it a blue green? Is it a blue teal? What shade of blue blue do I want? Well, then you have fabric choice. Do you want a wool or a flannel? Do you want a silk? Do you want a cotton? Do you want a polyester? Okay, do you want a stretchy spandexy fabric? Do you want a turtleneck? Do you want long sleeves? Do you want short sleeves? Do you want it fitted at the waist? Do you want, like, all of these different things? You have to decide. And sometimes you have something very specific in mind.

Lora Cheadle [00:09:41]:
Sometimes you're like, I can totally see it. It's like this steel blue shirt, and it's got these pretty buttons up the side, and I can just totally see something like that. And when you have that visual in mind, that image, then it's easy to start googling, you know, a blouse, a steel blue dress. Blouse with silver accents. And then you can start sorting through the pictures and be like, yes, no, no, no, no, no, no. Yes, yes, yes. Ooh, this is getting close. And then sometimes you see something that's even better than what you wanted, and it's so exciting.

Lora Cheadle [00:10:15]:
And it's like, oh, my gosh, this is wonderful. I'm Going to take this. This is totally what I want. And then there's other times where it's like, none of these are quite it. I can see it in my mind, but why can't I find it? I can totally visualize this. I can totally see it. I'm sure it exists somewhere. I just can't find it.

Lora Cheadle [00:10:37]:
And that's when you start getting more and more specific with your search parameters. Spandex, east shirt, sky blue or you know what I mean. And then you start changing those search parameters until you figure it out. And the reason I bring up that as an example is I have a question for you. How are you doing that in your life? When you talk about I want to heal from infidelity or I want a happy relationship, how specific are you and what are the things that you were willing to be pleasantly surprised about and what are your hard. No boundaries like for me, healing. I did not want obsessive thoughts. I want my mind back.

Lora Cheadle [00:11:34]:
I am very clear that I want my mind back. I want my peace of mind. So what does healing look like? For me, it means peace of mind. Something else that I wanted with healing is self confidence. I want my self confidence not only back to where I was, but I want a new, higher level of self confidence. I want to fully know and understand that the cheating was not about me. And I want to know it and understand it at such a deep, visceral level that my self confidence skyrockets because I'm so clear in who I am and what I'm worth and what value I bring to relationships and to others that nothing can rock my world ever again. So those were two things that I was very clear on with healing.

Lora Cheadle [00:12:30]:
And then early on, I said to my husband, one of the things I really want is for you to fight for us. I want for you to fight for the marriage like you broke this. And I want you to take the lead in healing. I don't exactly know what that means, but I want you to take the lead and I want you to fight for me and I want you to fight for us and you're the man in charge and go. And I gave some of those boundaries. Like, I want you to be in charge of healing and I want you to fight for us. But I didn't say specific. Like, I didn't say, you will do one therapy appointment a week for us and one therapy appointment a week for you, and you will initiate conversation X number of days a week.

Lora Cheadle [00:13:16]:
You will. I didn't have a real clear picture of what all that meant because I never had it before. And so often, until we have had something before, it's hard to figure out what we want because we've never had it. And we don't know what we don't know, and we don't know what is available to us. So that was one of those parameters where, okay, I'm wanting you to fight for us. I don't exactly know what that means. I think it might mean setting appointments and you being in charge of the healing. But then I was open, oh, he's starting to bring me coffee every day in bed.

Lora Cheadle [00:13:59]:
That was something that he decided to do that hadn't crossed my mind. It was glorious and wonderful and amazing because I love to do my journaling and my reading in bed when I first wake up. That was amazing. That's a way to fight for us. That's a way to prioritize me in the marriage. And, oh, my goodness, it's delicious and I love it. So I was open to receiving that, and then I was open to connecting the dots that, aha, this is one of his ways of fighting for me. This is one of his ways of fighting for us.

Lora Cheadle [00:14:29]:
So I got it and I understood it, and I received that blessing of that gift. So certain things you can be really, really clear on. Certain things you can order from the universe, from your marriage, from spirit, from source, from God, from whatever. And then certain things that's like, I know I want this, and I'm not exactly sure what it looks like, but I'm willing. I'm willing to receive. So surprise me, surprise me. Give me your best shot. It's the surprise party energy.

Lora Cheadle [00:15:01]:
I know it's my birthday coming up, and I know there's going to be a surprise party because I've asked you to plan me one. But I don't know the decor, the theme, the people to invite. All I know is I've asked for a surprise party. So please give me that surprise party. So that is that first thing that I want to talk about, the level of specificity in 2026. We are at the end of the calendar year right now, and New Year's is just the whole big new year, new you. That's such powerful, strong energy, isn't it? And while I don't necessarily think the turning of the calendar from one year to another has any more magic than any other time of a year, it is a symbolic fresh start. And last week I talked about solstice and that dark night of the soul closing out the old.

Lora Cheadle [00:16:03]:
And now we're moving into the light. This is all part of that. What is that light that you are moving into? And I want to caution you against saying, well, I'm moving into the light. What does that mean for you? Because it means something different for you and for me and for everybody else. So I'm challenging you to be very specific about your expectations, about your desires, about your resolutions this year. And I want all of us to go from the goal driven I will never eat sugar again and I'm going to lose ten pounds and I'm going to go to bed every night by whatever like this win lose, success, failure mindset into like a deeply resolved place into this specific I deserve this. I deserve wild success and deep rich love and I deserve fulfilling relationships and I deserve satisfaction in my life. And I want and to start getting very embodied and clear about the things that you want in 2026.

Lora Cheadle [00:17:38]:
I want to heal. And what I mean by that is I have my mind back. I am not hijacked by triggers. When triggers come, I have enough skills and enough tools in my toolbox to know how to manage them. I have a team of people around me that I can lean on and I've perfected my self. I know how to ask for what I want now. I know how to advocate for what I want. I know how to set and hold a boundary.

Lora Cheadle [00:18:15]:
By the end of this year, I want to have done my work, which means learning how to I want to heal, which means it's asking that next level question. I want to be financially abundant. What does that mean? I want to be financially abundant, which means I will be clearing $300,000 a year. I want to be financially abundant, which means I will have invested $30,000 in an IRA, which means I will learn how to invest. I will learn how to manage money. I will take a course and by the end of the year I will be proficient in it's getting clear about what it means. I will start a business. I will look for a new job.

Lora Cheadle [00:19:13]:
I will take the steps to dust off my resume. I will whatever it is for you because you feel the difference in the energy between I'm going to be financially abundant and really, really happy and I'm going to find somebody who finally appreciates me and I'm just going to get over this whole thing. Do you feel the difference in the energy between that and which is kind of the negative. This is what I don't want and this is what I'm leaning into and ugh, I'm not going to be poor anymore. And I'm going to do this versus the energy of what you are birthing. I'm going to become financially literate and I'm going to understand the basics of investment. I'm going to start saving 10% of my paycheck. I am going to know how to control my mind.

Lora Cheadle [00:20:00]:
It's. I am going to have a relationship where even though we are having difficult conversations, we repair quickly. We know how to ask for a break. We know how to speak respectfully. What are you birthing? I don't feel like I need to go into any more examples because I know you get it. I know you get it. And I want to say it's scary. I am so not going to lie.

Lora Cheadle [00:20:31]:
It is scary to think about what you want to birth. And I use the word birth very intentionally for two reasons. First of all, the Christmas season, whether you celebrate Christmas or not is irrelevant. Whether or not you believe Christ was born on December 25 or not is irrelevant. Whether or not you believe he was the son of God or not is totally irrelevant. I want you to go into the myth, the story, the legend of Christmas. It is the birth of Christ. So you're moving into the birth, the birthing of a savior, the birthing of a baby.

Lora Cheadle [00:21:27]:
And if you've had your own birth experience, I want you to think about that too. When we decide to have a baby, we are specific and clear. I want a baby. I don't want a puppy. I don't want a kitten. I don't want a pony. I am birthing a baby. I want to have a baby whether it's a girl, whether it's a boy, whether it's twins or triplets, whether there is some genetic difference that you didn't know, that is something that is dealt with down the line.

Lora Cheadle [00:22:06]:
For right now, it is. I am choosing to have a baby. And that's what I'm asking you to do for 20, 26. What are you birthing you're not getting locked into? It is a little boy with blue eyes and dark brown curly hair who weighs 7 pounds, 3 ounces. This is the clarity of I am choosing to have a baby. What that baby will look like sound like the kind of personality that they have. That's not something that I'm controlling or even dealing with. Now I can have hopes.

Lora Cheadle [00:22:51]:
I can say I really hope I have a little girl. Wow. It's a boy. That's okay. I can adjust. Wow. I have a friend who had triplets. That was a big shock.

Lora Cheadle [00:23:02]:
In no way shape or form. Had she ever anticipated that? It was very difficult to come to terms with in that moment because it shifted her idea of what motherhood was going to look like, what her family structure was going to look like, what her marriage was going to look like. It changed so many different things, but that intent was clear. I am going to have a baby. So as not to overwhelm you, what are you birthing in 2026? What we're going to do at the Vision Board workshop is break it down into four main areas. It can be self relationship, career, finances. It can be more specific, like health and wellness relationship with this person. It can be any four categories.

Lora Cheadle [00:24:04]:
But in general it's going to be self, finances, career. But you get a pick because having truly more than four main things to focus on in a year can be counterproductive. And again, these are main topics. So on the self side, if I am choosing to focus on health and wellness, I'm not really focusing on mental well being this year. I'm really going to focus on physical wellbeing. Okay, that encompasses diet, exercise, supplements, water, sleep, cardio, weight, stretching. Like that encompasses a lot. But the main focus is physical wellbeing.

Lora Cheadle [00:24:57]:
That might look like a number on the scale. That might look like a body fat percentage. That might look like the ability to lift a certain number of pounds of weight. That might look like being able to run a certain distance or sustain for a certain length of time. Yes, there's markers around that that are indicative of the physical fitness. And that's what I'm going to want you to get clear about. This year's focus is on physical body. It is on this percentage of weight.

Lora Cheadle [00:25:36]:
It is on my ability to work out at a sustained level for X number of moments, Things like that. We're going to get very specific so you can know if you're going in the right direction or not. Your focus might be mental wellbeing and it might be by the end of this year, my mental well being. I want to have my own thoughts. I want to completely manage obsessive thoughts. I want to be in control of my mind again. I want to sleep again. I want to know how to break out of that loop.

Lora Cheadle [00:26:13]:
And I don't want that loop showing up hardly ever. Maybe once a month I would be okay with, but I would know that I would have the tools to shut it down. That's how specific we are going to get at this Vision Board workshop. And I also want to be kind and loving because I understand it's so frustrating and Hard sometimes when we don't know. And it can feel, well, it can feel embarrassing, but I can also feel threatening. Like, have you ever been in a situation where people are asking you, well, do you know what you want? Well, what about. And you're like, oh my God, I don't know. I don't know.

Lora Cheadle [00:26:56]:
I am focusing on survival right now. I don't know. I am focusing on putting one foot in front of the frickin other right now. I can't tell you about home decor right now. I am focusing on not crying. I am focusing on pulling my marriage together. I am focusing on figuring out the whole rest of my life because it looks like, wow, I'm going to be single. Like, I understand that there are pressing concerns and that a vision board can be such a high idealized concept.

Lora Cheadle [00:27:32]:
But my intention for our event is to bridge that gap. If you were in that place of All I want to do is get through the next day. That is what you are aspiring to now. What do you need at the end of quarter one? What do you need? Where do you hope to be halfway through the year? So where do you Hope to be 3/4 through the year? You can still have the hope and that clarity. I know early on I laid on the floor and I sobbed. I couldn't quit crying. I had never had that experience before where I couldn't literally not cry. I would wake up at night and I would be overcome and overwhelmed with tears, with grief, with disbelief.

Lora Cheadle [00:28:28]:
And I wish I would have had somebody wise enough to say to me, yes, you are here now. Feel it all, breathe it all, grieve it, mourn it, be in it. And also, where do you think you might want to be next year? Because even in that state, that opens up a loop in your mind. That would have opened up a loop in my mind and I could have been like, oh, you're right, I. I don't want to be here next year. I don't want to be on the floor, I don't want to be devastated. And whether I'm together with my partner or apart from my partner, whether I'm living here or whether I'm living somewhere else, what I know for sure is by next year I don't want to be in this kind of devastation. By next year I want to feel happy again, I want to have friends.

Lora Cheadle [00:29:35]:
I want to feel more empowered and in control of my finances. I don't want to feel vulnerable again. I wish I would have had somebody say to me, but what happens in a year? And that's what I want to do for you. I want to open that loop in your brain and ask you what's possible for you. Where might you like to be by this time next year? When you are setting up for New Year's Eve, New Year's Eve 2027, and you're looking back on everything that happened in 2026, what would make you feel the most proud, the most accomplished? What would you say was your greatest gain, your biggest learning? How did you deepen? What skills did you acquire? What mindset shifts did you have? Think about all of that proactively. Right now going into 2026, you've got some time because the vision board workshop isn't until January 10th. You've got some time to ponder. And that's why I'm releasing this show now, because I want you to take that time to ponder.

Lora Cheadle [00:31:24]:
I want you to really claim something for yourself. You're not just along for the ride. You are not supporting cast. You are not supporting cast. This is your life, and you are the main character in your life. And I want to break that down a little bit, too. If you were the main character in your life and your role and your identity is that of a support person, you can be support person energy, you can be sidekick energy, you can be that holder upper energy, but you are still the main character in your life because you are choosing that role which is absolutely different than playing the martyr. Oh, my God.

Lora Cheadle [00:32:22]:
I do everything for everybody. That's a shift I went through myself personally every. Not every time, but many times. When I would be supporting my family or supporting my kids or supporting my husband, I would do it from a more disempowered state. That's all right. I didn't need to work out. That's okay. I didn't need to choose the restaurant.

Lora Cheadle [00:32:53]:
That's okay. I didn't need this all day. It for you because I love you, because I care for you. And even when I was happy to serve, I still did it from that icky, disempowered martyrdom energy versus now when I serve, I serve you with my full heart and soul. My son right now, he is an adult, but he's sick and he's nauseous and he's got a cold and flu and all of this stuff. And he asked if I would go grocery shopping and bring him some things to eat because he's. He's been sick in the past, before I healed, before I got specific, before I realized the Lora that needed to be birthed and that was calling on to be birthed. It would have been like, all right, I'll get that done.

Lora Cheadle [00:33:46]:
I'll put off this client. And I'll do that. And I'll do that. Cause I am here for you and I'm your mom. Versus today. My last session ends at one. And I am really happy to go to the store for you. And not only did I buy his list, but I put in some of my things and I talked to some of the other people at Natural Grocers about what might be a good option for him.

Lora Cheadle [00:34:09]:
And I did it from this place of loving whole service and I delivered it to his house. And I am in integrity with it and I feel good with it because I didn't erode my own boundaries. I didn't change my own schedule. I did it from a place, place of that empowered service. And same thing with the way I support my husband and my marriage. Now it's a place from. I want to support you and I want to be here to support you. This is a good one.

Lora Cheadle [00:34:41]:
Do you want to know the story that's coming up? Oh, I'll have to do a show on it at the end. Okay. My husband's 15 year affair partner was somebody that he went to high school with. And I want to be clear when I say 15 year affair partner, it's not like they had this ongoing relationship for 15 years. He would go back to his hometown and he would run into her and that's when they started the affair. And they slept together. And then a year went by and he came back and again they slept together. And then again a year went by and he didn't tell her he was coming into town, but he went into town anyway and they only were together.

Lora Cheadle [00:35:29]:
I can't remember if it was seven or eight times, but it was only a handful of times. And there's so much to say about that. But they texted, they talked, they emailed, but they were only physically intimate seven or eight times over the course of those 15 years. So to say it was a 15 year affair can sound different. It was. I sleep with this person periodically when I actually do tell her I'm in town. But half the time I don't even tell her I'm in town. And I just kind of play this little game.

Lora Cheadle [00:36:04]:
So sad, pathetic situation, Sad, pathetic behavior on behalf of my husband and sad, pathetic behavior on the part of this woman who put her own life on hold for somebody that gave her that little of attention. So that tells you what she's thinking about herself. And her worth. Right. Anyway, I digress. Somebody in his hometown passed away. That was very important to him. And it's been a very difficult death to manage.

Lora Cheadle [00:36:38]:
The funeral is coming up and I want to go to support my husband. I want to go to support Sean. This is a tough situation. He needs support. This person was important to him. I want to support him. Guess who is going to be at that funeral? You got it. 15 year affair partner.

Lora Cheadle [00:36:59]:
Does that feel good? No, it feels kind of icky. It doesn't feel. It doesn't feel as bad as it would have felt early on. It doesn't feel threatening. It doesn't feel. It doesn't feel. It's hard to put words around. It doesn't feel threatening.

Lora Cheadle [00:37:20]:
I'm not afraid Sean's going to cheat again. I don't think he's going to see her and fall madly in love. I don't think she's probably going to say anything to him. I. I'm hoping that there are so many people that if anybody sees anybody, we can just kind of move on our own way. And yet there's that ickiness, right? There's that icky feeling. And yet I still know I want to support Sean. I don't want to tell him, you have to miss this funeral because during a fair recovery, that was one of the parameters that we set, that we talked about since this was a person from high school.

Lora Cheadle [00:37:58]:
Class reunions are now off the table. Sorry, but you know, you play stupid games, you win stupid prizes, and no more class reunions. We're done. Deal. We didn't really talk about funerals. Who knew that this would come up? Does it really kind of fall into the parameter of a class reunion? Well, in a way, because we're going to see this person, but it's really important that he goes to this funeral. And I want him to go and I want to support him. And that's what I'm clear about.

Lora Cheadle [00:38:38]:
That's what I am birthing. I am birthing the empowered stance of how do we go? How do we talk about this in advance? How do we set up rules to keep both of us safe, him safe, me safe, and our union safe. How do we set up rules where he can grieve and I can support, and yet we can both be happy, satisfied, safe, and remain connected through this experience. We are very clearly birthing that. We're not just hoping and praying. We're not just showing up and hoping that it works. Well, we are being very clear about what are we birthing, how Are we birthing it? What do we want it to look like? We have talked about not. Not quite role played, but we have talked through scenarios.

Lora Cheadle [00:39:39]:
What happens if we are in a group of people and she comes over? What happens if somebody else calls her into our group of people because they don't. What happens if she does approach? What happens if he sees her? What happens like we have walked through it? This is what I want from you. This is what I don't want from you. This is what I will give you. I'm not going to go psycho and go seek her out if she approaches me. This is what I am going. I am consciously crafting and creating the situation. So I've already practiced it.

Lora Cheadle [00:40:19]:
I've had the trial run in my mind. We've had the dress rehearsal together and we know how we want to feel. We booked a really, really pretty bed and breakfast. We're only gonna be gone one night. We booked a really, really pretty bed and breakfast. We're gonna go in a little bit early the day before and we're gonna connect with each other and we're going to have a really romantic getaway because we want to feel loving and connected. The next day we do the funeral and then we fly out that evening. So we're planning it.

Lora Cheadle [00:40:53]:
I know the experience that I'm birthing and I'm setting myself up for success. He knows the experience we are birthing and he is setting himself up for success. So that's the micro. What do you want in 2026 in those four areas? In your four areas, what are the things that you want and how are you setting yourself up for success? What do you want and how are you setting yourself up for success? Sit with that question journal. Talk to your friends, your partner, your co workers. Talk to people about it. Get curious. It's more than setting an.

Lora Cheadle [00:41:56]:
Setting a resolution. My New year's resolution is it's that deeply resolved. This is really, really what I desire. I really desire to make a difference in the lives of others. I really desire, like, I really desire to feel good in my body and my spirit. I want to play and relax. I really desire money. And what I mean by money is this dollar amount to pay my bills, this dollar amount to save, this dollar amount to have fun with.

Lora Cheadle [00:42:47]:
I want to treat myself. I want to have a good relationship with money. And by that I mean it's setting yourself up for success. And you know, it's not your fault, it's not my fault, it's none of our fault. Nobody teaches us how to set ourselves up for success. They really don't. We get education, we read self help books, we listen to podcasts, we see a therapist or a coach and we get nuggets of information. But very rarely are we taught how to apply that information.

Lora Cheadle [00:43:36]:
Okay, wonderful. You have taught me what a boundary is and you have taught me how to set a boundary and you have taught me I statements and you have taught me all these different things. How do I apply that? What does that look like when. What does that look like when my partner's been drinking, I've been drinking, emotions are high, we're in each other's faces, we're at each other's throats, it's the holiday, my mother in law is here. Like nobody tells you how to apply it. In those moments where things go off the rails, so many couples communication skills go out the window when people get stressed. How do you apply things when things are going wrong? Everybody can apply things. When things are going right, everybody can be positive and have a happy mindset when they've slept enough and they're not having a blood sugar drop.

Lora Cheadle [00:44:42]:
In the good times, it's all good. What matters is how do you apply it in the bad times? And that's what this vision workshop is about. How do I, if I say I'm going to make $300,000 this year, I'm going to make it. It's one thing to say, okay, how would I do that? This is part of it. You have to structure it. How would I do it? What kind of a job would would pay me $300,000 a year? Am I including benefits? Am I including total comp? Or is that just like what my paycheck is? Okay, what would it take to get that? Do I need more than one job? First of all, do I need a different skill? How many clients do I need? You have to break that down to see how it's possible because otherwise it's pie in the sky. If you're saying I really, really want that and your profession does not pay that. You're an accountant, you're a whatever and you don't.

Lora Cheadle [00:45:51]:
Your profession doesn't make that, then that's not a very realistic goal or expect. What are you going to do to get to that dollar amount? And is that realistic for what it is that you want to accomplish? Is it realistic to work part time in a bookstore and make $300,000 a year? No, it's not. Is it realistic to start a business and make $300,000 a year? I don't know. It really depends on the business you tell me. But what I want is for you to be able to show me not absolute control over. I will close this much business and I will sell this many items that I like. Think about real estate. You can make a killing in real estate and you can struggle in real estate.

Lora Cheadle [00:46:44]:
It depends. It all depends. But is it possible? You bet it's possible. But you have to break it down. Okay. In order to make that in real estate, I'm going to have to sell this many houses. My rate of selling a house means I'm going to have to list this many houses, which means I'm going to have to prospect and get how many people to sign up with me. Like you have to back it up.

Lora Cheadle [00:47:10]:
Okay. I need 30 new contacts a month in order to get 30 new contacts. That means I might get 10 new listings. But how do I get 30 new contacts a month? Okay. That's a lot of networking. That's a lot of whatever it is. I want you to have the rough plan. Not all the specifics, but the rough plan of, yeah, I see how this is going to work.

Lora Cheadle [00:47:33]:
I'm going to sell this many properties. I'm going to make this much money. Because you have to believe what you're birthing. You have to believe that it's possible and the way we believe it is by having some context. Otherwise, it's just wishful thinking. So have that context in mind. Yes. I go to three networking events a day.

Lora Cheadle [00:47:59]:
It is totally realistic. I understand how to do that. I know it's a stretch goal, but I can absolutely do it. And other people in my industry have done it too. And this is what it takes. So that's what I'm birthing. I know the steps that I need to take. I know how to set myself up for success by doing that.

Lora Cheadle [00:48:20]:
It gets harder sometimes when it's more elusive. Concepts like, I just want to be happy. I just want to feel like myself again. I just want to heal. I just. I just don't want to feel this way anymore. I. I just want peace.

Lora Cheadle [00:48:33]:
I just want to be happy. Let's break that down. What does that mean? How do you get there? What can you do to set yourself up? If you just want to have peace and feel happy and feel like yourself again, do you think you're going to get there if you don't have a support circle around you? Are you really relying on your mom and your sister and your two best friends to pull you up? What if something happens to them? What's the professional support you can get? What if somebody else has their own drama along the way? What are the things that you can do to keep your self supported, regardless of what goes on in their life? Sometimes it feels like I'm being mean and picking on people a little bit, doesn't it? And I don't mean that at all. You know, like, I've been like, you gotta get clear. Not doing that to be mean. How are you gonna support yourself? Not doing that to be mean. What do you do to set yourself up for success? Not doing it to be mean. How are you rehearsing it? How are you keeping yourself accountable? Like, not to be mean, but to really be honest.

Lora Cheadle [00:49:46]:
I often go to physicalized examples just because it's easier to see. But if you really are going to lose 10 pounds, gain 5 pounds of muscle and run a marathon, you need support. You might need a dietitian. You might need a personal trainer. You might need a running coach. You might need a team. You might need some friends. You might need a running partner.

Lora Cheadle [00:50:13]:
You're going to need some good shoes. You're going to need a water bottle. You might need some electrolyte powder. Like, there's all of those things that you need. And when that structure is in place, in a way, you can't help but succeed because the structure is in place. And that's why my vision board workshops are a little bit different. It's all about creating the structure. By the end of our time together on January 10, you will have the structure for success.

Lora Cheadle [00:50:40]:
And if you have the structure for success, you kind of can't help but succeed. Think about a college curriculum. They tell you you need so many general ed classes. These are required for your major. These are the optional classes. These are. This is what you do. The plan is laid out.

Lora Cheadle [00:50:57]:
Plan your work and then work your plan. And then like in college, you know that traditionally you have four years and you're supposed to do 15 credits a semester. So when you follow the plan and then you have your advisor, and your advisor's like, okay, you're behind here, you're ahead here. If we bump up and do 16 credits this semester and this semester, it'll ease things off. So then you can do student teaching this last semester or whatever it is. Vision boarding is about creating the plan to birth what it is that you want. Creating the plan so you can birth the thing that you want. And yes, it's symbiotic.

Lora Cheadle [00:51:44]:
I need to know what I want and I need to know the plan. I Need both parts. I can't just throw something out there, even if it's specific. I mean, it's. It's. There's so many different layers. Yes, I have to be specific. Healing means X, Y and Z.

Lora Cheadle [00:52:02]:
And here's what I need to do to support me in that. And then I need to be flexible. And I need to track it along the way, too. Roughly each quarter, roughly each month, roughly each week. Some goals need to be tracked daily. Some need to be done weekly. Some need to do be done monthly. Not in this weird, obsessive way.

Lora Cheadle [00:52:27]:
I'm not saying all of 2026 is going to be about tracking your entire year. You're going to be tracking everything. No, no, no. But we're going to be monitoring certain things. At the end of the month, I want you to be able to look back on each month and see how far you have come, because that's another part of it. I love the book the Gap and the Gain. Because the concept about the gap and the gain is so often we focus on how we're falling short, what we didn't accomplish. Oh, my God.

Lora Cheadle [00:52:59]:
My bank account is empty. Oh, my God. The scale is still showing that I'm £20 up. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. And then we fail to look at how far we have come and we fail to look at those positive things. So then we get discouraged and we stop doing it.

Lora Cheadle [00:53:19]:
I can eat really, really, really healthy and work out every day at a really new, intense level and not see a change on the scale for like two weeks. And then sometimes I give up and I eat terrible and I jump on the scale and I'm like, really? I just lost three pounds overnight, miraculously, by eating chips and chocolate and wine. That doesn't make sense. It's focusing on the behaviors, on that structure. I have eaten healthy, I have worked out. I'm following my plan and I'm doing it. And that's trusting that then those results will come. I'm having healthier conversations with my partner and having this, that, and the other thing, but it's that accountability piece and focusing on all the good things that you're doing.

Lora Cheadle [00:54:09]:
I've met with my counselor, I've worked with my coach, because then comes the discernment. I am not loving this counselor. I'm not loving this therapist. All it feels like I'm doing is bitching and complaining. That's not the support that I need. The support that I need is more trauma aware. Aha. I'm going to find a new therapist that focuses on emdr.

Lora Cheadle [00:54:34]:
Okay, I have cleared out my childhood. That went faster than I thought. I need to shift into some coaching now. I need that forward momentum. I need that positive accountability. I need to learn new tools and skills. I need a new coach now. It's that discernment along the way and the tracking along the way so you can figure out what you need.

Lora Cheadle [00:55:00]:
You can say, I really want to be in a happy marriage by the end of 2026, and I want my partner and I to figure this out. And halfway through they bail or suddenly become a gambling addict or a porn addict out of the blue that you didn't see coming and you're like, whoop, not doing that, not doing that. And you can change. But then that end goal instead of a happy marriage is how am I going to be happy at the end of the day when I work with people, my favorite way to work with people is in a six month package. And that's why, because we can flux and flow along the way. Life ebbs and flows. We pivot, we roll, we change. Just like if we're having a baby and we say, I intend a baby and we find out we're having triplets, we go, ah.

Lora Cheadle [00:55:54]:
And we have to pivot and roll and change. Just like if we find out our baby has any number of different things, we pivot, we roll, we change. That's that container. Plan your work. Work your plan. I will say more, but for now go to flourishafterinfidelity.com Sign up. It's only $26. In honor of 2026.

Lora Cheadle [00:56:25]:
We get two hours together. We get to go deep. We get to plan the structure, we get to plan the outcome. We get to do it all. And you'll have the video that you can use year after year after year. FlourishAfterInfidelity.com and in the meantime, between now and the vision board workshop, keep thinking about some of this stuff. Keep pondering it, keep chewing on it. Who are you? What do you want? What kind of structure and support do you need? Have an amazing week.

Lora Cheadle [00:57:06]:
And as usual, always remember to flaunt exactly who you are. Because who you are is always more than enough.

Wendi [00:57:16]:
Tune in next time to flaunt, find your sparkle and create a life you love. After Infidelity or Betrayal with Lora Cheadle every Wednesday at 7am and 7pm Eastern Standard Time on syndicated DreamVision 7 radio network. Uncover the true of what's possible for you on the other side of betrayal. And develop the skills and strategies necessary to embrace the future and flourish today. Download your free Betrayal Recovery toolkit@betrayalrecoveryguide.com.