Stop Waiting for the Map to Appear Why clarity comes through movement — and why you need a path, not just more information.

Speaker A [00:00:01]:
You're listening to Flaunt. Find your sparkle and create a life you love after Infidelity or Betrayal. A podcast for women who've been betrayed by their intimate partner and want to turn their devastation into an invitation to reclaim themselves and their worth. Tune in weekly so you can start making sense of it all and learn how to be okay on the inside no matter what goes on on the outside. Download your free Betrayal Recovery toolkit at betrayalrecoveryguide.

Speaker B [00:00:35]:
This podcast is sponsored by Better Help. Have you been struggling lately? Relationship issues impact every area of your life. When I found out about my husband's infidelity, I was so devastated I could barely function. Sleeping was impossible because I couldn't shut off my brain. Eating was a challenge because I felt nauseous all the time and for the first month or so, everything felt pointless. Whether you're having trouble sleeping, feeling hopeless, or just just can't focus, BetterHelp is here to help you. BetterHelp offers licensed therapists who are trained to listen and help. You can talk to your therapist in a private online environment at your convenience.

Speaker B [00:01:17]:
There's a broad range of expertise in BetterHelp's 20,000 plus therapist network that gives you access to help that might not be available in your area. Just fill out a questionnaire to help assess your specific needs and then you'll be matched with a therapist in under 24 hours. Then you can schedule secure video and phone sessions, plus you can exchange unlimited messages. And everything you share is completely confidential. I know the confidentiality was important for

Speaker C [00:01:47]:
me, especially early on when I couldn't

Speaker B [00:01:49]:
even get my own mind wrapped around what was happening. And it was so comforting to be able to speak with someone candidly about everything I was going through to validate that what I was feeling and experiencing was completely normal. You can request a new therapist at no additional charge anytime. Join the 2 million plus people who have taken charge of their mental health with an experienced Better Help Therapist special offer to flaunt Create a life you love after Infidelity and Betrayal. Listeners, you get 10% off your first month at better help.com/flaunt that's better help. H E L p.com/flaunt F L A U N T thanks again to BetterHelp

Speaker C [00:02:43]:
for sponsoring this podcast. What is your plan after betrayal? Truly, I want to talk about that during this episode. What is your plan? Because having a plan when it comes to betrayal recovery is truly crucial. There is a huge gap between learning and application and especially in betrayal recovery, but also in Other areas of life in. It's vitally important to do first steps first and then second, and then third, and then fourth and things like that. You've probably had that experience with a recipe or doing something really fun, like building furniture that you've ordered online, where you don't follow the instructions, you don't follow the recipe, and you're like, yeah, this is great. I just screw this in over here. I just mix this in over here.

Speaker C [00:03:48]:
And then you get to some next step, and you're like, oh, oh, I didn't do that. And then it's like you have to unscrew something to make it loose enough to slide over something else. Or you realize, oh, I was supposed to let that bread sit out overnight, or, oh, I was supposed to give this 24 hours. And because you didn't have a plan, you either don't get the outcome that you desired, or you have to go back through and do more work fixing what you already spent so much time and effort doing. Okay, here's how this applies to betrayal recovery. Let's be really stinking honest. After betrayal, I think the only thing we want is for this whole thing to go away, right? Like, after we find it out. It's not like, oh, and I want to do this and I want to do that, and I want to do the other thing.

Speaker C [00:04:46]:
No, we just want it done. You know what I mean? I just wanted it over with, and I didn't really actually know what that meant. I just knew I didn't want to be in pain anymore. I didn't want to be doing this. I did not want to go to a betrayal recovery retreat. I did not want to sit in a Zoom room with other women and talk about this. I didn't want to be listening to, you know, counselors and therapists and having these discussions. I just didn't want to be.

Speaker C [00:05:14]:
Be here. I just wanted to feel better. And on top of that, I honestly wanted a heck of a lot of certainty. I wanted to know that my marriage was going to work out. I wanted to know that if I left, I would be totally set financially. I would be totally set romantically. My kids would be well adjusted. I wanted.

Speaker C [00:05:37]:
I wanted all of the certainty. And I think deeper than that, I. I wanted to know that I wasn't going to regret anything that I did. I wanted to know that I could look back on my life in 10 years and be like, that was the best decision I ever made. That was a horrible time. But, whoa. What came out of it was really, really Good. And not only do I really feel like myself again, but I'm happy.

Speaker C [00:06:01]:
I'm filled with joy, and it was all worth it. Ah. And that's what I wanted. But I didn't know how to get there. So I would do some kind of random things. I would read books, but then I wouldn't necessarily apply the knowledge. I would just give them to my spouse. Hey, honey, I read this book.

Speaker C [00:06:22]:
Let's read it together. One of the books we read early on was, I think her name was Shirley Glass, Not Just Friends. And I'd read chapters and I'd get all keyed up and then I'd give them to him. And then I'd think that we were going to have this, quote, discussion together and then we would just get fighty and frustrated about it. You know what I mean? I didn't really have a plan as to why, why am I giving him these books? Why are, why are we going through this? What do I hope to accomplish with this? And then I would listen to the podcast and I did some bad betrayal recovery and I did some bad counseling, but I didn't really know why I was doing what I was doing. I was trusting on the professionals to tell me what I needed because, hello, I was traumatized. And I would trust the therapist to dig into my past and I would trust, but I wasn't getting what I really needed. And that became really frustrating.

Speaker C [00:07:22]:
I hadn't created my own plan, nor did I have somebody to help me orient as to what I needed to do this past weekend. You're going to love this story. I was in New York with my mom. It's actually the 10 year anniversary of my podcast. I can't believe I've been podcasting for 10 years. But in celebration, I have been doing some podcasting tours. And one of the podcasts that I was on was in New York. It's a pretty big time one.

Speaker C [00:07:56]:
I can't wait to share it with you. It was, it was very different than anything that I've done before. Audio, video, all that good stuff. But anyway, I've been in New York, so I know New York, but I haven't lived there or been there for so long that I instantly know where I'm at. So every time we would leave the hotel, I would have my little GPS and I would use my Google Map and I would put in where we wanted to go and we'd go out the hotel and the arrow would say, go right? And I'd be like, here we go. And then about two steps In, I would notice that it was spinning. Recalculating, recalculating. And it would give me, like, another right arrow.

Speaker C [00:08:36]:
And I'm like, great. It's telling me to walk into the building. This makes no sense. Or I'd say, ah, we turned wrong, and it's going recalculating, recalculate. And I'd spin left. And I can't tell you how long those first couple days we spent literally standing outside of our building spinning. And I looked like an idiot, and I felt like an idiot because I'm standing here and we're spinning. And every time I'd spin and then I'd show it to her.

Speaker C [00:09:01]:
Look, it's just keep saying recalculating. And look, it's telling me left. Oh, and you know how that little arrow that is you, it just spins. And then I reached my phone out, and I do these big figure eights. And then my mom would say, should I get my phone out? I'd be like, I don't know what's wrong with my phone? I hate this. Well, I finally figured out what I needed to do was move. I needed to take a few steps in one direction or the other in order to get my phone to start calculating correctly. And as soon as we did that, we would just step out of the hotel, we would turn left or right, whatever way we thought it was.

Speaker C [00:09:42]:
We'd start walking. Within about a half a block, that weird recalculating thing would stop. My phone would kick in, and it would be like, ha, I found you. I found you. Here's where you're at, here's where you're walking, and here's where you need to go. And it wasn't. It wasn't that frustrating. You know what I mean? To walk a half a block and to realize you have to turn around was not that frustrating.

Speaker C [00:10:12]:
What was more frustrating was. Was standing in place and spinning and getting frustrated about being frustrated. You know what I mean? Like, those first. I'd say maybe day and a half, maybe two days standing in front of the hotel. I was frustrated. I was mad at my phone. I was mad at myself. I was embarrassed in front of my mom, not that she cared.

Speaker C [00:10:39]:
I was embarrassed in front of all the people on that New York street. Why is this crazy lady standing here spinning? And once I just started walking, it'd be like, I don't know. It wasn't frustrating anymore. It was part of the path. It was part of the plan. The plan now included walking a half a block in order to give My phone, time to acclimate so I could move ahead. And that's what I want you to think about when it comes to yourself in your betrayal recovery journey. Are you frustrated because you try this and you try that and he says this and they do this and you think this and are you spinning? Are you in a spiral and are you frustrated with that? Or are you actually taking steps in what you think might be the right direction and then recalculating and figuring out where you absolutely do need to go? Because direction does not come until you move.

Speaker C [00:11:58]:
Direction does not come until you move, until you try some things out. You know, reading the books with my husband, sometimes things would go well. Listening to podcasts, sometimes things would go well. Working with a therapist, sometimes things would go well, sometimes they just wouldn't. But until I could kind of ascertain, this is what I liked about it, this is what was helpful, this is what was not helpful. I didn't know what else I needed. You know what I mean? You have to try in order to know what you want. I tried one couple's betrayal recovery thing that I thought was going to be very good, and it ended up being way too faith based and way too focused on forgiveness above all else.

Speaker C [00:12:52]:
And it was like, I. Okay, I tried because I thought this was going to be a fit, and it's not. But it gave me the clarity to know I like the spiritual side of things. But what I don't like is being told to spiritually bypass and to just lean into forgiveness. So then I had more working knowledge of what to do. And that's what I'm kind of challenging you to do during this episode to start getting a handle on. What do you know, what do you like, what do you dislike, and how can you verbalize what it is that you want and need? And the other thing I really want to push you on in this episode is to understand how standing still does not always create clarity. Movement is what creates clarity.

Speaker C [00:13:54]:
You know, I'm a big proponent of taking time, taking space, and yet still some movement needs to happen. Some action needs to take place in order for you to get that clarity. You know, it's. It's that balance. I need to learn some things. I need to process it. Then I need somebody who is going to help me stay accountable. I need somebody who's going to help me implement these changes.

Speaker C [00:14:29]:
I need somebody who is going to help me see my own blind spots and to lovingly guide me in to that next step. The other thing that I did in New York. It was such a fun trip, let me tell you. We went to a couple of Broadway shows. We went and saw Stranger Things. If you're a fan of the tv, the play is amazing. I have not seen all the TV stuff, and the play was still amazing. My mom has never seen a Stranger Things episode in her life, and the play was still amazing.

Speaker C [00:15:03]:
And we also did an immersive fandom of the opera experience called Masquerade, where you dress up and you walk through the theater with the actors singing and dancing. And it's not that they make you a part of the show, but you were in the show with them, and it was. It was an incredible, incredible experience. But what I noticed about that, too, is that immersion. It's such a different experience with watching the play like we watched Stranger Things than it was being immersed in the play, which is what we did for Masquerade. It's. It's a different experience. It's an entirely different journey.

Speaker C [00:15:53]:
And the thing is, it's not that one journey is right or one journey is wrong or one journey is good or one journey is bad. If it's just that awareness that this is a different journey. And it's different when you are younger and more naive, when you hear about cheating and you think, well, I would never do this, and I would always do that. And then when it happens to you, you're immersed in it, and suddenly you're like, I don't know what I would do. I don't know what my plan is. And that is okay. And you still need to take steps forward, which is what I'm going to tie you tie into yet another Broadway play, Wicked and wizard of Oz. Maybe it was just being in New York, seeing the Wicked banners, the Broadway energy, all of that.

Speaker C [00:16:59]:
But I spent so much time thinking about both wizard of Oz and Wicked and all these stories, you know, where the heroine has to cross this big threshold before anything changes. But again, tying it into my own rerouting, rerouting thing. The story doesn't advance if the heroine stands still and waits for the map. Like wizard of Oz, Dorothy does not get home by standing in Munchkin Land and waiting for Glinda the Good or whatever to walk her along the entire Yellow Brick Road. She knows she wants to go home. Home is her destination. Glinda the Good is like, here's the Yellow Brick Road. We walk on it and you gotta move.

Speaker C [00:17:53]:
And along the way, she had to readjust, but she started moving. She didn't just sit there and say, I don't know where this thing ends. I don't know how if it's going to work or not. It's just that I had to move. It's that trust, it's that leap of faith that I need to take action and that through my action, it will eventually get me there. And I don't want to underplay how challenging it can be to take that leap of faith to just start, because we feel like we need the whole map. We feel like we need to figure all of it out. And again, yes, we need a plan.

Speaker C [00:18:40]:
My six month coaching is a trademarked betrayal recovery process that is tested and proven and it will get you there. Sometimes people say, but I don't know how. And it's like, you don't necessarily need to understand how. Here are the steps. And the steps work. You need to trust the process, but you also need to take action and just trust that it's going to get you there. Like Dorothy in the yellow brick Road, she didn't say, will I cross a poppy field? Will I meet people along the way? Will there be flying monkeys? She trusted the process. Somebody told her, walk this path, take the yellow brick road all the way to the Emerald City.

Speaker C [00:19:25]:
Perfect. The wizard will help. Perfect. She trusted it and she moved. And at some point she starts realizing and learning and growing and she realizes that the wizard is the fraud and that she had the power all along. But it was because of her journey that she was able to utilize that power. If she would have just clicked her heels together three times at the very beginning, she wouldn't have grown. And I think I see that often in people when they say, well, I just kicked him.

Speaker C [00:20:09]:
I kicked him out. Okay, great. And what's next? What are you doing to heal? What is your yellow brick road? Who are you going to meet along the way? And how is that going to grow you to the place that you now own your power, own your resilience, own this journey. And it was the same way with Elphaba in Wicked. You all know if you've done any of my first of the year vision board workshops, one of my favorite songs is Defying Gravity from Wicked. If you don't know it, go listen to it. But she talks about, can I defy gravity? Well, you can't tell if you're going to defy gravity until you get yourself off the ground. So do you think your marriage is going to work? Do you want your marriage to work? Do you want to save this whole thing? You've got to take that leap of faith in order to see if you can defy gravity.

Speaker C [00:21:16]:
You can't just stay firmly anchored on the ground and say, I'm not going to do it until I know it's going to turn out. You don't know if it's going to turn out. You have to take that leap of faith and take action. So why is it when we read stories and we know clearly the heroine does not move a story forward by waiting until she feels ready? That doesn't make a good story. Why do we think maybe waiting would be good for us? You know what I mean? Because at some point, all heroines will cross. Cross the threshold. They will cross that threshold into growth, into development, into joy, into that next adventure, through movement. And that movement is usually not because they have the entire plan in front of them and they have the entire thing and they know how it's going to turn out.

Speaker C [00:22:10]:
It's because they see that there is a path there and they're going to take it. They don't know where it's going to turn. They don't know where it's going to end. They don't know what will they encounter along the way, but they know there's the path, there's the yellow brick road. I'm going to take it. Here are, like for me, my five step betrayal recovery process. I'm going to take it. And people take it because they're ready to leap.

Speaker C [00:22:35]:
They've got enough faith, they've got enough commitment to their own happiness that they don't need to know exactly how the story ends. I don't know if your marriage will survive. I don't know if you will be happy or divorced. I don't know who you're going to meet at the end of the day. But I do know that because you have taken this journey, you will be happier and healthier and stronger because of it. I do know that at the end of the day, you're going to love yourself more. You're going to have more confidence, more resilience, more of an ability to face whatever challenges, whatever obstacles are in your face. I know that for a fact.

Speaker C [00:23:26]:
I don't know your particular obstacles. You don't know your particular obstacles. So let's talk about that leap. Are you ready to leap or not? What is your betrayal recovery plan? And a plan is not just listening to podcasts until I figure it out. Let's be honest. Maybe my plan is to wait and see what he decides. Be honest about it. Maybe my plan is to wait until the kids are 18.

Speaker C [00:23:56]:
Okay, let's just be honest about it. And if you're not ready to take action, if you're not ready to leave, name that too. But also challenge yourself to put a deadline on it. Not a harsh deadline, but a soft deadline. I'm not going to decide anything for three months. I'm not going to decide anything for six months. But what you don't want to be is that woman who two years later, three years later, is still in pain, who is still telling the same story. I do get a lot of clients.

Speaker C [00:24:41]:
A large majority of my clients are people who are like, I'm five years out and I still feel horrible. I still can't process this. Because their plan was, we'll figure it out along the way. That's not a plan. Their plan was, I'm reading the books, I'm listening to the podcasts, I'm doing downloading some little exercises online. I'm giving these books and shows to my partner. That's not a plan. That's gathering information.

Speaker C [00:25:08]:
Listening to podcasts is gathering information. It's not having a plan. Reading books is learning more things and gathering information. It's not having a plan. People come to me when they are ready to move forward, when they are ready to cross the threshold into peace, into joy, into not being in pain anymore, when they're ready to move this dang story forward and to get to a different chapter again. Not because they have the whole plan, not because they have a guarantee what's how the story's gonna turn out. Not they feel fearless and ready, but because life has become too painful, because they feel too crushed in, too dishonest about themselves and it's too costly to stay standing still. That's when you're ready to take a leap.

Speaker C [00:26:02]:
When your mind is twisted and you're like, this is awful and I hate it. And I know that after betrayal, the leap can feel impossible. Because you're not just choosing a direction. You're choosing what while your heart is broken. You're choosing why your life is in turmoil. You're choosing why your nervous system is on fire. You are choosing while the person and the life that you trusted the most while this whole relationship is still unclear and feels really unsafe. And while you're defensive and they're defensive and they're remorseful, and then you're avoidant.

Speaker C [00:26:34]:
And then, oh, we're loving and we're bonding. And then that's confused, like it's all of the above. So of course you want the map for first. But just like what happened to me In New York, the map does not come first. Taking the next steps is what gives you the information you need to figure out where you are going to go. I had mentioned this earlier, but this month is the 10 year anniversary of podcasting for me. And I keep thinking along these same lines, kind of how ironic that is, because when I started this podcast, when I started this show, I thought it was about leaping into transformation. I thought it was about growth and development and positivity and all of these things.

Speaker C [00:27:31]:
Like, I was leaping into podcasting and I was going to share my message and I was going to be visible and I was going to teach everybody what I knew and I was going to help people flow, want the fullness of who they were. Like, I had no inkling that this would ever be about betrayal recovery, because I had no idea my husband had been cheating. I was talking about wellness and confidence and spirituality and embodiment and self trust and like all of this amazing personal transformation stuff. And I was ironically talking about what it meant to stop being crushed by life. And I felt kind of smug about that, I'm not gonna lie. But life very clearly had other plans. It was life's job to crush me and to be like, you know, Lora, if you're gonna teach this, I think you better need to know if it's gonna work or not. Because right now you were just, in theory, right now you were just telling people you think this works because you've used it to overcome all these little small things.

Speaker C [00:28:32]:
We're gonna give you the biggest dang thing in the world, and then you tell us if you still believe in your. And yeah, it gave me this betrayal. And yes, I worked the process and suddenly everything changed for me because what I was teaching was no longer theory. It was no longer just inspiration. It was no longer something nice to see into the microphone. It was so much more than platitudes, you know what I mean? I became the work that I had to live. And it was hard, but eventually I healed. And I do think I became more real because of it.

Speaker C [00:29:27]:
Because I'm not happy, because I'm a happy person. I'm not happy because, yeah, I overcame this and it was really hard trusting me. I really overcame 15 years of infidelity with multiple women. Like, are you kidding me? Yeah. So my podcast over these last 10 years has changed dramatically because I have changed dramatically. I'm really proud of this show because it's become a place where we can talk honestly about what betrayal is really like, what it does to our minds. Our bodies, our hearts, our identities, what it does to a marriage, how, yes, it can break a marriage, but it can also make it much stronger. I feel so honored that I can incorporate the whole legal reality, you know, that I can talk about that.

Speaker C [00:30:26]:
We can talk about our future, our soul. We can talk about where we do really good things and where we mess things up because we're human. So to me, as I have been thinking about and celebrating this 10 year anniversary, it's not really just an anniversary about podcasting. To me, it's about proof. Not proof that my trademark system works, but proof that the story can change and that the new change can be good. You know what I mean? Because this was not my plan. I never planned on becoming a betrayal recovery expert. This is not what I planned.

Speaker C [00:31:11]:
The story changed so drastically and it ended up being better than I could have planned it myself. This 10 year anniversary is proof that the story can change and that sometimes the universe does no better. Not sometimes, Always. The universe knows better. This anniversary is proof that what looks like an ending is really a turning point into something that is right. I remember, and I've said this on the show before, but crying, sobbing to a friend that all of my work was a joke, that once I found this out, nobody was ever going to want to talk to me. Trust me, what did I ever have to share? Because I'm talking about being positive and resilient and a good person and karma. And then this happens to me.

Speaker C [00:32:08]:
And that he was very clear that, no, no, no, no, no. This makes you real. And you can show people what healing is like because you've walked it yourself. You're not just saying, do these five steps. You're saying, yeah, this is where I cycled through and this is what didn't work for me. And this is where it did work for me. It is proof that the thing that you think might ruin you can really become the place where you reclaim yourself. Proof that you can move, you can take action before you have the whole map and you can still find your way.

Speaker C [00:32:49]:
It's funny because I was talking about, you know, paths in the yellow brick road earlier. I thought podcasting was my path. I thought that's all I had to do, was get on this path and start, you know, walking my way down the yellow brick road and that I would become successful in this whole health and wellness space. But what podcasting did for me was it trained me to walk without the whole map. It trained me to show up and say what was on my heart instead of having A perfectly scripted show. And it trained me that pivoting is okay, going deeper is okay. Losing audience members because I'm not talking about just like positivity and hype, but now I'm going deep into things is okay. Things that will help you, things that will help you get on this path and walk this path without the whole map are truly listening, listening to your heart, but listening to what others have to say too.

Speaker C [00:34:03]:
You know, showing up in support groups, listening to podcasts, reading books, therapy, friends, information, like all of that helps listen, gather information and think about it. That is a step on the path, but that is not the path. And I meet far too many people who think that is the path. I'll, I'll do more studying, but eventually you have to ask yourself, when do I move away from this? When do I move through just seeing my therapist every couple weeks? When do I move through just talking to my friends, listening to podcasts, like I've gotten the information. What is the next step plan? Do I know what I'm working towards? Do I know what I'm working towards? Or am I just listening and waiting and reacting and a hoping clarity appears? Or hoping my partner makes a decision, or hoping. Because healing requires more than just information and insight. It requires movement, it requires structure, it requires a path, it requires a plan. One of the things, and this is sad and it's hard and I get it, but people will say, I don't know if my partner is truly making amends and changing or if they're just gaslighting me.

Speaker C [00:35:36]:
Well, sadly, you don't know until you walk that path with them a little bit. Just like me in New York. I didn't know which way to go until I walked a half a block. And then I realized, aha, I gotta turn around or woo hoo. I chose right this time. And there's no shame in that. But oftentimes that's what you have to do if you're thinking you are going to trust a partner again, you have to walk a half a block with them. You have to see if they say they're sorry.

Speaker C [00:36:09]:
I mean, anybody can say anything. If they say they're going to change, you got to walk a half a block with them. Are they changing? Did they change? The only way you're going to know is by walking a little bit with them. And then just like the gps, if they, if you're going the right way, yay, you can keep going. But there's no shame in all of a sudden being like and nope, that's not it. Gotta get out of here. So walk your half block, figure out where you're at, but have the structure to know I'm walking half a block until I get recalculated. Not I'm going to walk with them 10 more years.

Speaker C [00:36:54]:
And even though the arrow keeps spinning and it keeps telling me I'm going the wrong way, I'm still going to stick to it. It's having the plan and the path that, yeah, I'm going to do this for six months. I'm going to do this for three months. I'm going to give it however long until I feel. When I was in college, way back when. This is kind of funny, you might not know this, but I sold Mary Kay cosmetics for a while, and it was really fun. It was a great learning opportunity. It really was.

Speaker C [00:37:24]:
And Mary Kay herself, as a woman, was an amazing businesswoman with lots of information to share. But one of the things that she always said was, plan your work and work your plan. Not in like a rigid hustle culture way that I'm doing my top 10 things and I can't go to bed and I can't, you know, not like that, but plan your work and work your plan. And that plan for her included faith, family, and your business that you have to plan all of it in or you're not going to get it in. And there is so much wisdom in that because our lives are too precious and too short to keep circling this pain forever. You know what I mean? Like, oh, my gosh, why would we spend five years telling the same dang story? Why would we spend two years being in pain over this plan? Your work on how to get that understanding and then work your plan. A path is not listening to my show weekly and hoping something finally clicks. A plan is not watching him to see what he does forever.

Speaker C [00:38:46]:
A plan is not waiting for him to decide and then figuring it out. A plan is not staying frozen until the marriage or the truth or the future becomes obvious. The plan is taking the next steps so that the GPS arrow can find you. I know that standing still might feel safe, but sometimes standing still is where your boundaries truly start eroding. It's where your confidence keeps shrinking. It's where your body stays braced for that next attack. It's where your mind keeps looping. It's where your life stays on hold while you wait for something to become clear.

Speaker C [00:39:42]:
And your life is way too precious for that. Your joy is too important for that. Think about me whenever you feel stuck literally standing outside of my Hotel room in Manhattan, phone in hand, little GPS things spinning. Recalculating, recalculating, recalculating. I could have stayed there forever and nothing would have changed. The only thing that helped me find my direction was me moving my own two feet one way or the other so the direction could find me. And I think this is also why the Oz. The wizard of Oz metaphor truly does feel so alive to me right now.

Speaker C [00:40:31]:
Because Dorothy does not walk the path alone. She starts off that way. Sure, she's like, okay, Glinda told her to walk and she starts walking. But she also started walking because that's where the direction Glinda pointed her in. And along the way, she gathers what she needs. The Tin man who needed a heart. The Scarecrow who needed a brain. The Cowardly lion who needed his courage.

Speaker C [00:41:03]:
And I love the whole head and the heart and the courage. Because isn't that all about betrayal, recovery? Your heart has been broken. It's either hardened or guarded or even frozen. Your head is spinning, it's foggy, it's obsessive, it's overwhelmed. Your courage feels like it disappeared the moment your world blew up, and you're afraid. Or maybe your bitterness has started to feel like armor that is turning you into somebody that you don't recognize anymore. Maybe your boundaries have eroded because you're trying so hard to keep the peace and to just put on that happy face and to power through that. You're not taking care of yourself.

Speaker C [00:42:00]:
And maybe if you're like so many others of us, you don't even know what you want anymore because everything has been hijacked by them and what they did and what they might do or what they might not do. And who are they talking to? And what are they. Who are they texting? And are they telling the truth? And can you ever tell the truth again? And is the marriage going to survive? And am I going to be okay on my own? And like, oh, my gosh. So, no, you truly don't need more random information. You need a path. You need a plan. You need support. And it just feels so much better to walk the path with other people.

Speaker C [00:42:40]:
Because when you think about Dorothy and the Tin man and the Scarecrow and the Cowardly lion, like, they all. They all needed something, but they also gave each other something. You know what I mean? When the Cowardly lion was too afraid, they would hold him up. When the Scarecrow got too confused, the other people would point the way. When the Tin man would cry and rest himself, Dorothy would oil him like they helped each other along the way. And I think that is so important, especially in betrayal recovery. We need people walking the path with us. And when we offer other people support, it heals us too.

Speaker C [00:43:28]:
Healing is something that happens as you journey along the way. Your heart begins to heal. Your head starts getting clear. When you tell other. When you hear other people's stories, it makes your head clearer. Your bitterness truly does begin to thaw. Your courage returns. Your boundaries start strengthening.

Speaker C [00:43:50]:
You learn, oh, my gosh, they're doing it this way. Maybe I could try that too. Your body starts settling down because all of a sudden you're in a place where you don't have to perform. You are safe, you are held. You are among people who have been there. And slowly and steadily, you do start feeling like yourself again because you're moving on a designated path with other people, people who you can support and people who are supporting you. And I really want you to think about that and just sit with that. Even if you want to Google the hero's journey or the heroine's journey and kind of think about it in terms of yourself.

Speaker C [00:44:40]:
Healing is a journey. Journeys require action. I want you also to think about this. What is it that you want? What does healing mean to you? Because let's be honest, there's a lot of vague healing language out there. And when we can name it, we can claim it. I want the pain to stop. I want the drama to end. I want to know how to stop the spiral.

Speaker C [00:45:26]:
I want to stop caving in on my own boundaries. I want to stop betraying myself to keep the peace. I want to have needs, and I want my needs to be met. I want my bucket to be filled up. I want to stop being impacted by somebody else's bad choices. I want to know what you want. I want to get what I deserve, and I want to know what you think you deserve. I want to feel like myself again.

Speaker C [00:46:02]:
I want to have a clear head. I want my heart to heal. I want to love. I want to be safe. I don't want to be bitter is something that I hear a lot. But what's on the other side of that? If you don't want to be bitter, if you don't want to be angry, if you don't want to do. But what is it that you do want? I want to be soft. I want to be trusting.

Speaker C [00:46:28]:
I want to be. Name what it is you want, because that is claiming your destination. Like Dorothy. I want to go home. The Cowardly Lion. I want courage. The Tin man, the Scarecrow. I want a heart and I want my brain.

Speaker C [00:46:51]:
Name the things you want so you can go in search of those things. I think I can sum it up clearly when I just say I think we want a life that is not ruled by betrayal anymore. Right? I want to live where being the betrayed wife is not the main story. I want to live again. I want to get to my destination so I can live without thinking about this all the time. Because it's exhausting, it's expensive, and it hurts. And that does not happen standing still, waiting for the map to appear. It happens by taking the path.

Speaker C [00:47:37]:
And I know. I don't know. I assume. I assume you've probably been burned by some stuff before. I assume you've probably been to a therapy session where you leave feeling worse than before. I assume you've probably hired people where you're like, well, that didn't work so well. And truly, what I want to say is congratulations. Congratulations.

Speaker C [00:48:04]:
Another thing that we did when we were in New York was saw Seth Meyers getting taped, which was really fun. But one of his guests, I'm totally forgetting her name, she used to be a joke writer on his show. And one of the things that she shared was when you were a joke writer, something ridiculous. Like, only.01% of your jokes ever get selected. And most of them bomb. And how she had to have this entire reframe in her mind about failure, because she said, you can write all day, you can write all night. You think you've got this brilliant stretch or thread of jokes. You take them in, and people are like, nope, and they get rid of them.

Speaker C [00:48:52]:
And she told this story about being early on the job, and she wrote 11 pages of jokes. And she said, in those days, they were having test audiences come in, and the comedian or the talk show host would read the jokes to the audience. And she said, usually the first joke is the joke that goes the best. And then from there, there's lower and lower laughs because your first joke is always the best. And she said, in this case, it was Seth Meyers told the joke and the audience was dead. And he went through, like, jokes two and three. And she said, dead, like, not a snigger, not a comment, nada. And all she could think of was every single one of her jokes bombed.

Speaker C [00:49:33]:
And then again, the head writer came in and it was like, no, that is absolutely not the case. Like, most of your jokes will never even get put in front of the talent. And even the jokes that do get put in front of the talent, most of them Won't have the reaction you think. So this was not a failure. This was a huge success. You had 11 pages that were actually given to the talent. And the fact that they all bombed is normal. So she said her reframe was that pitching was this win.

Speaker C [00:50:06]:
Pitching and writing the joke was the win. The win was writing the joke. And she said there are times where you have so many pages of jokes or sketches or anything like that to write. The win is just writing it. The win is not having it selected. And it's not that you're doing a bad job, of course you're trying. But the win is in taking the action and writing the joke. And that's the reframe that I want you to have with this, too.

Speaker C [00:50:33]:
It's not that I don't care if you hire a counselor and he gaslights you too. It's not. It's not bad. I want things to go well for you. But the win is taking action. So if you do somebody's, you know, 90 day program and you don't like it, if you do somebody's couples retreat and you don't like it, if you've seen a therapist for six months and you don't feel like you're getting anywhere, the win was in doing something truly. The win was in taking action. The win was in taking that next step.

Speaker C [00:51:08]:
Part of the reason that I offer my introductory session is because I want you to understand that is the win. Most people who have the introductory session with me go into my full six month rise and rain program because they understand this is not about just six months of random coaching. This is a curriculum. It is a betrayal recovery curriculum for women who are ready to take action because they want to feel better and they want to get there. We use my trademarked flaunt process. We move step by step through the emotional, the legal, the somatic, like the relational. That's the path, but we walk it together. And that's where I want to be clear.

Speaker C [00:51:54]:
I'm not Glinda sending Dorothy off alone with her pair of sparkly shoes and vague instructions. Just follow the yellow brick road. The wizard will take care of it. No, no, no. We link arms and we walk down the path together. We work the plan so your heart will heal, so your head will clear, so the bitterness will thaw, so your courage will return, so your boundaries will strengthen, so your body will settle, so your desires will matter again, so your standards come back online, so you can stop spiraling, you can stop eroding your own boundaries, you can stop Betraying yourself to keep the peace. Like, you can stop waiting for somebody else to become clear so you can just reclaim yourself in your life and be done with this whole dang thing. So you can remember what you want, what you deserve, who you are.

Speaker C [00:52:47]:
Like, all of that. I mean, that's. That's the whole point. It's about taking action. It's not about forcing decisions before you're ready. But it's also about not letting betrayal freeze you in place. And I think that's why when people work with me, they do the introductory session with me. Then they're like, oh, I totally get it.

Speaker C [00:53:09]:
I totally get where I'm at. I get why I'm stuck. I get what worked. I can now articulate what I want. And now I'm ready to take those steps. Well, I'm maybe not totally ready, but. But I'm willing. Because you don't have to be ready, because you're never going to be ready.

Speaker C [00:53:28]:
You just have to be willing. You just have to be done being in pain. So are you done? Are you done being in pain? Are you done feeling hijacked by betrayal? Because if you're done, then you're ready. If you want to get together so we can talk. Like, what is that? Next grounded. Stop. And then the next. And then the next reach out introductory session.com, and we'll figure it out.

Speaker C [00:54:06]:
I just want you to walk away knowing you can't. You can't stop and wait and see. That's me standing outside the hotel room with the endless recalculating icons swirling around. The map will not appear until you move. You. You. You alone have to decide whether to move, but you don't have to keep walking along the journey alone. That's what I'm here for.

Speaker C [00:54:34]:
So if you're ready to stop, stop waiting, stop wasting time. If you're ready to just start doing it, all rise and rain is absolutely for you. I. Let's get together introductory session dot com, and we'll just get it figured out. And if for some reason you're like, no, that is actually not what I need. Great. Do you want me to help you find somebody who might be a better fit for you? I'm great. I know everybody in the space.

Speaker C [00:55:00]:
I can help you. In closing, I want you to remember that standing still gives you nothing. Standing still gave me nothing in New York. It was the moving that gave me information. And maybe this is what you need to hear today, that you don't need to know the whole route. You. You don't need to be fearless. You don't need to decide the entire future and your entire marriage today.

Speaker C [00:55:32]:
You just need a plan. And that plan is to move, to move into the direction of what you want. I want a heart, a brain, courage, a home. And then you need the support and the plan and the direction to get you there. Truly, I love, love that you listen to my podcast. Oh my gosh, I miss you all so much. And like this week it was like, well, I gotta get home from New York because I want to talk to you. I want to talk.

Speaker C [00:56:07]:
I I love being here, but I also really want to call you out. Like, healing is not just listening every week. That's a part of it, but how are you applying it? Don't just listen. Do walk, do. You don't have to wait for what somebody else wants you to do. You get to do. So I'm going to ask you one last time. What do you want? And do you have the plan to get there or are you standing still waiting for something to appear? It doesn't matter if your marriage survives or not.

Speaker C [00:56:52]:
It matters if you survive. You are what matters. Take the path and be ready. Have an amazing week. I really look forward to connecting with you. Introductorysession.com have a beautiful, beautiful week. Think about this hard and as usual, always remember to flaunt exactly who you are, because who you are is always more than enough.

Speaker A [00:57:28]:
Tune in next time to flaunt, find your sparkle and create a life you love. After Infidelity or Betrayal with Lora Cheadle every Wednesday at 7am and 7pm Eastern Standard Time on syndicated Dream Vision 7 radio network. Uncover the the truth of what's possible for you on the other side of betrayal and develop the skills and strategies necessary to embrace the future and flourish today. Download your free Betrayal Recovery toolkit@betrayalrecoveryguide.com.