Betrayal hurts. But what if it was the medicine your heart needed to transform into the fullness and beauty of who you were meant to be? Today’s guest is the inspiring and creative Alana Fairchild, who will share her divine wisdom on healing the heart after the storm of betrayal. We’ll discuss how to come home to your true self, embrace your divine feminine, and discern between intuition and wishful thinking. Together, we’ll explore the importance of forgiveness, not as a means of condoning, but as a pathway to closure and compassion. Alana will share insights on the divine feminine as heart medicine, a transformative force that fuels our rebirth and personal evolution. We’ll also tackle the tough emotions—anger, grief, bitterness—and how to use them as stepping stones towards a greater, more authentic version of ourselves. Join us as we unpack the complexities of transformation, self-discovery, and the power of embracing all facets of your identity, reinforced through personal stories and profound truths. Whether you’re dealing with the aftermath of infidelity or simply striving for deeper self-awareness, this episode is a guide to fostering patience, self-compassion, and an unshakeable connection with your inner wisdom. Get ready to be inspired, to heal, and to FLAUNT all that you are, because who you are is always more than enough!

Top Take-a-Ways:

• Coming Home to Yourself: Understand the importance of creating spaciousness and introversion as methods of self-nurture. Discover your personal ways to refuel spiritually and emotionally.

• Navigating Change and Growth: Learn how forgiveness and self-compassion are key in evolving from past betrayals. Alana and Lora discuss the non-linear path of healing, emphasizing the courage needed to embrace authenticity.

• Harnessing Your Divine Feminine: Alana shares her insights on the transformative power of the divine feminine. Engage with different goddess energies to explore facets of your identity and expand your self-awareness.

Special offer from Alana Fairchild!

Check out Alana’s monthly program, Community of the Sacred, as well as her open enrollment program, Rose of Venus.

 

About Alana Fairchild

An artist of a different kind, Alana Fairchild is a visionary powerhouse with a gift for soul-nurturing communication. With a loving sense of humor and open nature, Alana weaves magic into the world to uplift, vitalize and comfort. She is a rare and nourishing channel who stimulates spiritual awakening and healing through her very presence. Her energy is a consciousness catalyst for transformation with a gentleness, purity and potency that sets her apart. Alana’s insights promote freedom rather than doctrine in a language of the soul and the heart. Her works are thoughtfully guided for effectiveness and evolution, and are accessible to all individuals, regardless of religious or other beliefs. Alana has devoted her life to creating unique works that deeply heal and encourage wholeness. To explore her special offerings, including online programs, unique in-person experiences and more, you are warmly welcome to visit www.alanafairchild.com

 

 

Need Help Now?

Get the understanding, clarity, & support you deserve today!

Schedule your one-hour breakthrough Zoom session with Lora today. Together we will figure out where you are at, what’s blocking you from being where you want to be and design a clear strategy for how to get you there.

*BONUS!* This session includes 30 minutes of follow-up support. Schedule and pay here: https://calendly.com/loras-schedule/coaching-session

About Lora

Attorney, speaker and Burnout & Betrayal Recovery Coach, Lora Cheadle believes that betrayal uncovers the truth of what’s possible when we stop focusing on what was done to us and start showing up unapologetically for ourselves. She helps women rebuild their identity and self-worth after infidelity so they can reclaim (or find for the very first time) their confidence, clarity, and connection to source and create their own kind of happily ever after.

 

Untangle yourself from the past, reclaim your power, and own your worth so you can create a future you love on your own terms. All with a wink and a smile! Learn more at www.loracheadle.com and follow me across all social!

 

 

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Transcript

 

Narrator [00:00:01]:
You’re listening to flaunt, find your sparkle and create a life you love after infidelity or betrayal. A podcast for women who’ve been betrayed by their intimate partner and want to turn their devastation into an invitation to reclaim themselves and their worth. Tune in weekly so you can start making sense of it all and learn how to be okay on the inside no matter what goes on on the outside. Download your free betrayal recovery toolkit@betrayalrecoveryguide.com.

Lora Cheadle [00:00:35]:
Hello, and welcome to Flaunt. Find your sparkle and create a life you love after infidelity or betrayal. I’m Lora Cheadle, and my guest today is absolutely going to blow you away. We are going to talk about betrayal is the divine feminine heart medicine. And you might be thinking, woah. Woah. Woah. Woah.

Lora Cheadle [00:01:00]:
Wait. Wait. Wait. No. Betrayal is bad. We don’t like betrayal. How can betrayal be divine feminine heart medicine? Well, hang on for this show because it’s going to be everything you need and then some. My guest is Alana Fairchild, and she’s an Australian creative visionary, beloved author, and spiritual artist.

Lora Cheadle [00:01:24]:
Her work is beautiful. It’s visually beautiful. It’s emotionally beautiful. You will love it. She has been described as a publishing phenomenon. Her diverse and original body of work includes over 13 books, 20 oracle decks, and 30 albums of sacred music and meditation across a diverse yet unified range of spiritual topics. Alana channels creative spiritual pathways for practice, including unique modalities for healing the self, others, and the planet offered through a vibrant online community setting where community members generate sacred offerings for global awakenings. You can learn more at alanafairchild.com, and I will put all of her information in the show notes.

Lora Cheadle [00:02:17]:
But for right now, welcome to the show.

Alana Fairchild [00:02:21]:
Hi, Lora. It’s so lovely to be here.

Lora Cheadle [00:02:23]:
It’s so wonderful to have you. Thank you for gracing us with your perspective and your vision and your just emotional energy around betrayal as divine feminine department medicine. Would you say a little bit more about what that even means?

Alana Fairchild [00:02:44]:
Yeah. Of course. I know it’s an unusual perspective, but in my work, I’m very passionate about the divine feminine and her multiplicity. She’s not just one thing. Like women are not just one thing, one aspect. We have all these facets to ourselves. And yet in all of her variety, the divine feminine, whether she’s in her peaceful, romantic lover mode, whether she’s in her fierce passion mode, and even when she’s in her destructive mode to clear away what has been to bring forth something new, there is this unity underneath. And that unity is this intelligence that the divine feminine wisdom has.

Alana Fairchild [00:03:25]:
And this is the intelligence in our own hearts. The divine feminine lives in the hearts of all beings. And that intelligence is really about the capacity to transform something that has been profoundly painful, profoundly difficult, profoundly destructive even, and utilise it in such a way that we bring forth a benefit. Now, that’s not always easy. An initiation and the idea of a heart initiation is incredibly difficult. An initiation is it’s a transformation. And sometimes we use that word a little bit lightly, but this kind of transformation is the real deal. It’s when we cannot go back to how we were before because the shattering that occurred through the pain was so great that the only way we can move forward is if we reconstruct, re envision, reform, recreate and rebirth ourselves.

Alana Fairchild [00:04:30]:
And anyone who’s been through a betrayal that is potent enough will understand that that you just simply cannot go back to the person you were before because that person has kind of, in a way, been psychically annihilated. They don’t exist anymore. That’s why it hurts so much. It’s an incredibly shattering experience. But out of that degree of breaking apart and breaking down as we try to process it and go through the healing journey that is required to really begin to rebuild ourselves, what happens is we’re tuning into this divine feminine intelligence in our hearts and choosing we all get to choose this. How do I want to come out of this? And sometimes I don’t know why this is, but sometimes I’ve found in my own journey and in the experiences of working with others that the more significant, the more devastating that betrayal is, the more potential there is for that profound transformation, that meaningful change, change that we wouldn’t necessarily have been able to access without that much painful motivation being available to us. It’s like the initiation part of it is utilising the trauma for fuel and through that fuel, this rebirth. And that is the hallmark of initiation.

Alana Fairchild [00:05:55]:
It’s not just something difficult that we go through and we come out the other side. Initiation is the ending of 1 phase, 1 chapter, 1 identity, one way of being, one sense of self, and on the other side of it, something entirely new. So in that, this idea of the medicine is this sense that there can be healing in this. And sometimes the medicine is bitter as all get out. We don’t like it. It’s awful. Yes. Initiation is It’s not an easy thing.

Alana Fairchild [00:06:26]:
But we come through the other side of it, being able to transform that, and utilise it for the greater good of our own journey, our own happiness, and our own path.

Lora Cheadle [00:06:36]:
I appreciate so much of what you said, and I’d love to break that down a little bit. The first thing that you said is you can’t go back to the person that you were before. And right after that, you said something about you gotta choose. You gotta decide. And there is so much beauty and so much wisdom in that because we can’t go back, and we can choose to be bitter and resentful the rest of our lives, or we can choose to use this as the initiation. And yeah. And and I really appreciate that. And I also want to say, what what can we do? What can women do to help make that choice? Because it is easy to get stuck in that space of, I loved myself before.

Lora Cheadle [00:07:22]:
I was so kind, and I was so good. And look what happened to me, and I didn’t deserve this. And it just spiraled into that. So what can help them make a positive transformation from this pain?

Alana Fairchild [00:07:36]:
I love that. And I think we just need to say upfront, of course, you didn’t deserve it. That’s that’s absolute. So we just assume that. You didn’t deserve it. This is not something that’s a punishment. This is not something that, you know, the universe has given to you, because you’ve been bad in a past life or whatever philosophy. And you might feel like a victim and you might feel angry and bitter and own it.

Alana Fairchild [00:08:03]:
If you feel that, own it. Because if we deny that part of it and try to be spiritual about it, that just gives me the irritants when I think about trying to be spiritual about something because it often the motivation might be good, but it trips us up. So let’s not do that. Let’s really own what we need to own about how we feel. And once we’re able to do that, it gives us permission then to say, okay, I’ve flogged that emotional state until I don’t need it anymore. I’m a bit sick of it. I would like to maybe feel something else. And that in no way suggests that, Oh, well, this was okay that this happened.

Alana Fairchild [00:08:42]:
It’s not okay. No. The question is not is it just. The question is how smart, how creative, how loving are you going to be to yourself? How much are you going to draw upon your own creativity to choose? And from that choice point, then begin to take a slightly different journey. But you definitely have to own all of that stuff. And there was something else you said that I thought was really important about this kind of identity that we can have as good and kind and those are such great qualities. Wonderful. The world needs more of it.

Alana Fairchild [00:09:16]:
But don’t let it become an identity. Just let them be qualities that you have. And sometimes the betrayal, I’ve really found there’s an intelligence in it that’s so excruciating. It’s a little bit like the divine feminine giving you one of those trigger point release massages. Have you ever had those where they, like, get right on the pain point and you’re like, Oh, my god. But it then releases it and you could work around it, but it’s excuse me, it’s never going to really release that point. So with betrayal or, any kind of deep emotional wounding like that, the betrayal is just so laden with anger and grief and fear and loss and so many, you know, complex emotional states. It is like it’s going to get right into the place where we’re stuck.

Alana Fairchild [00:10:02]:
And for each one of us, I truly believe when we go through something that is so psychologically and emotionally shattering and devastating that there is inherent in it always an invitation to find different qualities and expand our sense of identity to kind of loosen it up a little bit and discover other aspects of self. And at first, they may be kinda ugly, which is not something we tend to feel comfortable with, I think, as, especially if we kinda skew towards beauty and we,

Lora Cheadle [00:10:34]:
you know,

Alana Fairchild [00:10:35]:
we appreciate harmony and all of those things. So this is not about abandoning those values, It’s just about understanding that there are methods and energies and wisdoms that we have within us that we need to be able to genuinely cultivate those things because smoothing over something with niceness or kindness when actually what might be needed is a strong discerning boundary or a very respectful, but very, like, no BS truth speaking acknowledgement of this is what is happening factually in the exchanges with someone or in a relationship. Those kinds of qualities, we might call them more the fierce or the wrathful feminine. They’re very important. There’s a reason why the divine feminine depictions throughout various cultures are not only the softness and the joy. There’s often a great deal of strength and a great deal of ferocity that’s very compassionate, but that’s there. And we need that to be able to have the strength to not collapse into the negativity, which is very easy to do in this day and age, it really is. And to find that sense of our inner strength and our belief in our own creative rejuvenating potential.

Lora Cheadle [00:11:53]:
Mhmm. I really love that you went there. I’m pulling it out, but on my desk, I have, an image or a statue of the goddess Sekhmet. And I love her.

Alana Fairchild [00:12:03]:
Look how many lions you can’t be

Lora Cheadle [00:12:07]:
There you go. Yes. Lions are my thing. I’m gonna

Alana Fairchild [00:12:09]:
there we go. It’s a lion capitan. We’re all feeling the lioness.

Lora Cheadle [00:12:16]:
I love that. But what I appreciate about that so much is, like you said, the strength of the boundary because we have been so culturally conditioned to take care of other people’s feelings, to not make especially men feel bad about themselves, to suck it up ourselves, to abandon ourselves, to keep everybody else happy. And that’s not feminine. That’s not true divine feminine. That is more it’s not a complete collapse, but it’s an abandonment of ourselves, and the divine feminine will not abandon herself.

Alana Fairchild [00:12:51]:
That’s really beautiful and very Sekhmet. I love her, very fierce. I’m assuming most of your listeners know, but if they don’t know much about her, she’s the lion headed, feminine deity from the ancient Egyptian tradition, and she’s very much connected with wrathful or destructive activity, but from a compassionate perspective. So that’s very important to clarify because sometimes, and I’m definitely within this type of psychology, I don’t innately like violence at all. I’m a peaceful person. I value harmony. However, I have this deep love and passion for wrathful deities, Sekhmet, Kalimara. It’s just part of my nature.

Alana Fairchild [00:13:37]:
And I’ve wondered why that is. And I have come to realise that there are certain times when that kind of strong wisdom, strong boundary, ability to cut something off if it’s toxic, without having to judge, we can have compassion and say, I completely understand why this person is behaving this way. It might be we understand their childhood. We understand their struggles to become conscious. We all go through that. It’s difficult. You know, being human is not just a piece of cake. It’s kind of advanced spiritual citizenship.

Alana Fairchild [00:14:07]:
It’s hard. So we can have compassion. But that doesn’t mean that, you know, we say, okay, a shark might bite my arm. I have compassion for that, so I stick my arm in the water. We don’t do that. We have wisdom. We allow ourselves to kind of cut things off if we need to. And Sekhmet is scorched earth.

Alana Fairchild [00:14:24]:
Like, she when she comes in so let’s put it in a very everyday kind of context. This is a bit Sekhmetty. Let’s say you’re recovering from a narcissistic relationship, right? It’s quite toxic. And there’s this tendency with narcissistic relationship. I know I’m laughing because it’s so predictable. But after you come out of that that kind of relationship, there can be this tendency for the narcissist to try and reconnect Usually around the time you finally rebuilt yourself and you have some energy to give, they come back. Now, Sekhmet will just be like, fire breathing. They’re not getting anywhere near you.

Alana Fairchild [00:15:07]:
And it’s not that you have lost you might have thought to be able to have compassion for the narcissist and kinda understand it comes from profoundly traumatic childhood wounding, but you’re still not gonna take any nonsense. So she’s very feel like I’ve gone on a total tangent here. What were we talking about? It’s it’s

Lora Cheadle [00:15:23]:
the perfect tangent because because it’s how because it’s how betrayal gets us in touch with that side of us that has been kind of conditioned out of us, and we don’t realize until that betrayal. I know for me, until I had that betrayal, it was what made me wake up and go, oh, I’m not standing in my fierce feminine, and like you, it’s not about being violent or aggressive. It’s about saying, this is not right. And that narcissist coming back, that might not be right. And I get to discern.

Alana Fairchild [00:15:55]:
Yeah. There’s something beautiful about this. And I think I mean, innately in that sense where the feminine is hugely valuing relationality. And and that is a feminine quality that is very important. So we do need this, but that doesn’t have to become you know, it it can be expressed in a healthy way. It doesn’t have to become dysfunctional to the point where you’re abandoning yourself in order to please and navigate relationships with others. That’s and and eventually it becomes depression, and we feel lost and disconnected from a sense of purpose. We wonder who we are.

Alana Fairchild [00:16:34]:
We’re just an identity that everyone else takes something from. We get exhausted and, you know, this is probably not news to anyone. We probably all have had this. Yeah. But that relationality is absolutely compatible with this wrathful, or, more discerning, even more connected to one’s sovereignty, which is another quality of Sekhmet, this sense of real individuality and being kind of queen of your own castle, your body, your mind, your soul. That’s your castle. You get to rule that baby. You are you are the queen of this human human being, this precious human being.

Alana Fairchild [00:17:11]:
But what happens to the relay relationality is that it just becomes more functional. So it doesn’t have to become angry. I mean, you might be more in touch with your anger, but again, you get to choose how you express that. But what actually starts to happen is that the relationships become more honest. The ones that aren’t right for you, that we’re never going to accept you as a sovereign being and But what But what does start to happen is your relationships become richer and you start to attract and navigate relationships with more respect, and it opens up a whole other dimension of your own being and therefore your ability to really experience yourself in your life with less fear and less anxiety, because you feel like you’re coming home to yourself and you have more stability. And I think in this day and age where there’s so much that in the outer world that is uncertain, if we don’t have that spiritual sense of who we are as human beings and how we come home to kind of ground within the, you know, all of the facets of our being, which are gonna be, probably, if you’re anything like me, very motley, like, very strange assembly to different traits, but but it’s just your home. You know, it’s your eccentric, beautiful, unique home. And if you have access to that, then your ability to be with yourself and kinda choose consciously and creatively how you wanna engage with the world does actually increase, and that’s such a relief.

Lora Cheadle [00:18:42]:
Yeah. It really is. Again, so many things. I feel like we could talk for an hour on, like, 5 different topics here. I want to go down and talk a little bit more about experiencing yourself because so many of us get lost in life. I always talk about pleasing, conforming, and performing. We just lose touch with who we are, and it’s not the betrayal is our fault. It’s never our fault.

Alana Fairchild [00:19:13]:
Great.

Lora Cheadle [00:19:13]:
But it’s also such the wake up call to all of the ways I haven’t come home to myself. All of the ways I haven’t expressed and experienced and felt and become all of who I am. And thank you for acknowledging that it can be scary because yes, things that are inauthentic will fall away. And it’s not that you trip right into that next level of, woo hoo. I let go of them on Tuesday, and on Wednesday, my soulmate came in.

Alana Fairchild [00:19:45]:
I mean, it might, but it’s not been my experience, but it might.

Lora Cheadle [00:19:48]:
Exactly. But it might not.

Alana Fairchild [00:19:49]:
It might not.

Lora Cheadle [00:19:51]:
What do you have to say about riding that void of just being in that empty space for a while and finding comfort?

Alana Fairchild [00:20:01]:
I love that question. The spaciousness is, for me, I think probably the most important antidote to people pleasing and loss of self. The feeling that you don’t know who you are or you’ve you’ve lost your energy. And if we just think about all the things that happen in the in between moments, from one perspective, there there are only in between moments. You know, everything else is kind of an illusion, but having some sense of permission to have a little bit of room for yourself and whatever that looks like for you is probably gonna vary from what it looks like for me or someone else. But for me, at least, it’s an opportunity to really kinda, I I mean, I use introvert as a verb, you know, introverting. I I kinda I need to take that time to introvert because that’s what nourishes me. And then when I’m ready, I have that energy.

Alana Fairchild [00:20:51]:
I want to kind of be more extroverted and engage with the world. But I have always given myself permission for that because I am actually a skew towards introversion very heavily. If I don’t take that, I get very sick. So for me, it’s a survival mechanism. But for some people who have the ability to be able to kind of force their way through, it’s not always a great strength to cultivate. Sometimes you might need to apply it. Sometimes I need to apply it. We just deal with it, but it’s not a way to live permanently.

Alana Fairchild [00:21:20]:
So I would say one of the the probably the first steps is to find a way to, in your own mind, figure out what might your spaciousness look like. Is that half an hour every 2 days in your garden where if you have a family, this is, you know, this is mom’s space, her secret woman cave. You are not allowed to talk to me unless the house is on fire, you know, or whatever it is. Or it might be that you turn off all of your devices, and you spend time looking at the stars and you do a spiritual date with yourself for 25 minutes every weekend, or it might be meditation for 20 minutes every morning or whatever it is for you that you feel you could manage. And sometimes with permission, priorities really become relevant because we have to kind of think of ourselves as we wanna be the well that never runs dry. It’s possible if we give ourselves chance to refuel and any kind of spiritual practice, what I’ve described now, those are forms they can be forms of spiritual practice if you have that intention. By that, I just mean the intention to connect with something that’s vaster than yourself and yet feels very personal and loving and supportive to you. That’s kinda it.

Alana Fairchild [00:22:33]:
And then any kind of extra details you want to put around that, you do. So that’s one thing. The other thing I just want to say here, and it’s just something that occurred to me when I was listening to you, Lora, From my perspective, and I’m interested to know if you feel the same around this. If we are in this mode, like this kind of abandoning ourselves or pleasing others or kinda getting lost in these things, I think it’s very important to not think that we’ve done something wrong. We should be ashamed and, like, we oh, I I should be more empowered or I should be, don’t don’t turn this into yet another, like, you know, nail on the cross, so to speak. Don’t do that to yourself. It’s not necessary. Just give yourself credit for, first of all, having self awareness.

Alana Fairchild [00:23:19]:
That’s such a win. So first of all, being able to see things that you might not like, that you might feel a little bit like, I feel a bit embarrassed or whatever, feel those feelings around it, but know that you’ve not done anything wrong. And then secondly, what tends to follow self awareness is the opening of, do I wanna grow here? And if you do, if you have that intention of, you know, I would like to not be in these patterns or I would like to come out of this betrayal experience and feel that I am frigging thriving, you know, full bloom to the point where if anyone in that old pattern tried to connect with me again, I’d be scrunching my nose out of going, what? Are you kidding? Like, it just doesn’t even resonate. If you have that desire, that’s wonderful. That’s a sign that you are willing to kinda unlearn one way and evolve gently, fiercely, patiently into a new way like this kind of, you know, beautiful exquisite evolving creature that you are. I think that’s wonderful. So I just want to say that.

Lora Cheadle [00:24:21]:
Yeah. And thank you. Thank you for saying that because I do feel like with so many other things, whether it’s spirituality or recovering after infidelity, it can become yet another mission. And, you know, it’s like, yeah, now I’m gonna lose 5 more pounds and I’m gonna and it’s like, no, that’s not what it’s about. And thank you for just honoring the decision point because what I always say is betrayal uncovers the truth. And when that truth is uncovered, it does give us a choice and we can choose to move slowly. We can choose to move quickly. We can choose to move backwards.

Lora Cheadle [00:24:58]:
I mean, if that’s what we want, we can, and there’s no judgment there. It’s our path, but it’s being the with the awareness. It’s being where you want to be and realizing this is where I choose to be. And that’s fine.

Alana Fairchild [00:25:12]:
Yeah. I love that. And I think sometimes too, we we choose to go back and we might be I had a girlfriend that was going through this recently, and her friends were, like, at first going, what are you doing? You know, I was going back into a relationship dynamic that wasn’t that great. And I said to her, you know, are you doing this to lose the taste for it? You know, it just kind of occurred to me and she said, you know, I think I am because I’m starting to see it differently. So instead of it having to be an act active will where she’s still half of her wanted to be there, and half of her felt she should need to get out, she was kind of it’s it’s tricky to do it this way.

Lora Cheadle [00:25:46]:
That’s interesting, though. It makes sense.

Alana Fairchild [00:25:49]:
Yeah. And and she has, kind of, progressed quite a lot through that. Now that works for her. It’s not gonna work for everyone. Sometimes we just need to, you know, cold turkey, work through the withdrawal, and kind of bring ourselves around, especially if it’s an abusive relation issue that’s, you know, very difficult. But sometimes we are in something we know we need to leave. We’re just kind of developing the capacity to do it because the the intention and the capacity do not always coincide. And I think it’s important that we don’t criticise ourselves for that because that can undermine our energy.

Alana Fairchild [00:26:20]:
We can just acknowledge, you know what, I’m developing the capacity, whatever that is. For someone, it might be emotional strength and psychological readiness. For someone else, it might be those things and or financial support or, a place to live or, you know, knowing that you’ve got someone that you can rely on to help you. So there can be different facets in the process, and I think we really need to acknowledge, I guess, 2 things. 1, the courage in that and that it’s a process. And 2, we have the intelligence in our hearts to kind of know how to do so much more than what we probably give ourselves credit for. We just sort of do it intuitively, sometimes, I think.

Lora Cheadle [00:26:58]:
That’s really powerful. And something that I I recently got your Medicine Heart Journal, which is absolutely beautiful. And one of the things that I love about it is the way that you use the seasons. Because I am such a big proponent of following the wisdom of the seasons. And when you talked about the intention and the capacity, maybe not coinciding in that moment. Yes, that’s like spring. You’re planting these, you know, seeds. They might not come up right away.

Lora Cheadle [00:27:26]:
You need to cultivate them. You need patience. You need time. Sometimes you need to go through a whole other season because you’re not ready to plant yet. You’re just gonna watch and see what other people do. And then you’re gonna see how other people harvest, and then you’re gonna have winter, and you’re gonna rest, and you’re going to nurture and nourish yourself. And then maybe the next spring, you’ll be like, alright. I’m gonna plant this seed, but not the other one.

Lora Cheadle [00:27:48]:
And that’s all okay. It’s all okay. Yeah.

Alana Fairchild [00:27:53]:
I love that. And I think the readiness to plant the seed is important because if you don’t plant any seeds, nothing’s gonna grow. So we don’t underestimate the the power of those planting of intentions. You know, it seems so small, but it is actually essential and very, very potent in the long run.

Lora Cheadle [00:28:11]:
Mhmm. Mhmm. That’s amazing. So you do a lot of work with the goddesses. And I know some of my listeners, many of my listeners, most of my listeners understand divine feminine. They understand the wisdom of the goddesses. But for those who might be thinking, you were talking about divine feminine and feminine wisdom and goddesses. What does that really mean, and is that religious, or is that what is that? Could you could you give us a brief rewind as to what this is all about? Yeah.

Lora Cheadle [00:28:43]:
Absolutely. I mean, to me, the divine feminine is this universal principle,

Alana Fairchild [00:28:49]:
and she exists as this kind of primordial love, and she’s in everything. She’s in the gardens that grow, and she’s in different spiritual traditions as different goddesses. She’s in different religions in different ways. She’s also available to us in any way that we want to connect because we’re her divine child, right? So if you love gardening and you experience a sense of coming home to your heart when you’re in the garden, then you can find the goddess there. And it might be a sense of the Earth Goddess or it might be something more abstract, like just the ability of plants to flower or or the beauty of a rose or whatever it is that really speaks to you. For another, it might be a connection to music or art or even fashion, you know, whatever it is that really is cooking, you know, anything that really takes you into that sense of communing with these kind of aspects of the feminine, which to me really relate to how we show up in the material dimension in the world, in our bodies, in our physical lives and create a type of expression that honours our heart values. The divine feminine is very much about the values of the heart. So whatever that is for you, the way that you are living in integrity with that in your physical life, which sounds sort of simple and is often kind of difficult.

Alana Fairchild [00:30:09]:
And that whole journey to being able to have integrity in how you are inside, knowing what your values are, knowing who you are, knowing how you really feel, and then being able to also bring that into expression in the world. Well, those are 2 steps, 2 different steps. And the connection with various goddesses and all of the different forms that I like to play with in my work, it’s about helping us in those two steps. First of all, figuring out, coming home to ourselves, recognizing who we are, what we want, what we’re about

Lora Cheadle [00:30:41]:
Mhmm.

Alana Fairchild [00:30:42]:
The purpose, you know, we have in our hearts, and then how we wanna live it.

Lora Cheadle [00:30:46]:
Yeah. And that is all about coming home to ourselves. And for me, when I look at the different goddesses, I will resonate with different ones for different seasons of my life. And that’s what’s so powerful to me because so many times people will say to me, like, I don’t even know who I am anymore. Of course, we all lose touch with who we are, but sometimes just reading about the energy of the different goddess, it reminds us, oh, that is me. That’s a facet of my personality that I haven’t connected with in so long. And it just reminds you of who you are, And then you can come back home to that peace. So it’s beautiful.

Lora Cheadle [00:31:23]:
And then you can express it differently. And in the betrayal journey, expressing ourselves is important because, like you said, it can bring up a lot of anger, and we don’t wanna burn people down in a toxic way. But at the same time, we also wanna express powerfully. And sometimes for me, looking at the goddesses is a great guide of how do I do that? How do I do that?

Alana Fairchild [00:31:53]:
Yeah. Absolutely. I love what you said there too, that you have, people sometimes saying, I don’t know who I am who I am anymore. If if you’re in that, don’t panic. First of all, that’s temporary, but that’s like a very fertile soil. Like that’s the garden where the soil’s being tilled and and you’re waiting like that. So the question to ask yourself then might just simply be, well, who might I be now? And be curious and be willing to kind of you’re not going to go anywhere. Like, you’re there.

Alana Fairchild [00:32:25]:
Your real self is there. Just a little bit of space. Who might I be here? What might be different? And you’re listening then, listening to yourself and trusting that there will be this inner dialogue of feeling or words or you’ll you’ll figure out what your language is, your own soul language, but, you know, this might sound very esoteric, but it’s very lived. It’s just based on how you experience yourself in your life. So there’s no right way of doing this. You know, you’re not going to screw it up. You’re just figuring it out. Your your own method, your own wisdom.

Lora Cheadle [00:32:58]:
That I love that. And I love just the word wisdom. You’ve used that word so many different times. The connection with the heart, the wisdom of the heart, the allowing, the asking yourself. There is a lot of wisdom around that. And there’s the difference between the wisdom in the head and the wisdom of the heart. And earlier you said something about yourself is such a collection of identities and pieces. And I feel like isn’t that the truth for so many of us and just like the divine feminine you said, connects cultures and experiences.

Lora Cheadle [00:33:38]:
Is that what connects you to yourself? How do you find cohesion with all facets of who you are?

Alana Fairchild [00:33:46]:
That is the feminine spaciousness because she’s very inclusive. And I think for all of us, you know, one of the hardest things to let go of is the constructed fantasy self, who we think we wanna be and are supposed to be as human beings. There’s a lot of pressure in that. There’s a lot of societal conditioning in that. It gets really manipulated by the kind of sources of, images and words and subtle messages and not so subtle messages that we receive through media and all sorts and family and friends and all sorts of things. So that’s a kind of collective dreaming. It’s not super healthy or conscious at the moment. That’s okay.

Alana Fairchild [00:34:24]:
That’s where humanity’s at, but we don’t have to collapse into that. We can actually decide rather than being controlled by that, we can contribute to it based on our own values. That’s not an easy dance to take. We’ll get a lot of pushback from it. But if we give ourselves permission to say, I wanna really know who I am, and I wanna know in a way that is gonna be healthy for me and beneficial and maybe even beautiful and kinda trust that there is that inner intelligence because the same way a plant knows how to grow or a garden knows how to bloom, it has this instinct for seasons and this instinct for, you know, how does the cicada know that what’s cicada? I think you got it in North America. But how how does that little being know when it’s time to push above the soil? Could wait for 12 years, 20 years sometimes, and then it just knows, boom, and it’s out. That intelligence is in you. It’s natural.

Alana Fairchild [00:35:16]:
So there’s a part of you that knows which facets you’re gonna tune into and when. So spaciousness, we’ve talked about permission, choice. Yeah. But it’s in there.

Lora Cheadle [00:35:26]:
Yeah. Yeah. So how do you handle that pushback? Because it’s one thing to be in your bed at night and to meditate and to think, yes, this is who I am and this is how I’m gonna do it, and this is how I’m gonna be. And then you get up and your neighbor says, I can’t believe you did that, and your neighbor says, I raised you better than that, and you go, uh-huh. How do you handle that pushback?

Alana Fairchild [00:35:52]:
Yeah. It’s so important to just recognize that’s the training. It’s, you know, and it’s it’s okay to stumble. That’s where we kinda learn. I remember someone saying to me once, it’s not something I really thought about, but you’re saying you have this great creative ability because you’ve already done something that was so profoundly difficult, and you kept going and you kept trying until you could do it. And and I was like, what is that thing? And she goes, you learn how to walk. And I was like, my god, that’s true. That was a really difficult thing.

Alana Fairchild [00:36:24]:
So when we’re wanting to birth a new facet of self, we’re learning how to walk on different legs really in a different way, and you’re gonna stumble a bit. And that’s okay. But the important thing is to just give yourself a minute when it happens to notice your response and talk to yourself about it. How did that go? What did that feel like? Don’t judge yourself. Don’t beat yourself out. You notice where do I collapse? Where do I still feel that I’m, you know, wounded? Where do I need to be able to say to myself, hey, you’re enough, Missy, like, you’re right. And where can I as I start to take my own wounding out of the equation and kinda nurture it over here in my sacred inner practice and spaciousness when I’m in the garden and when I’m cooking good food for myself and when I’m meditating, you know, you nurture it there? Then over here, where the other stuff is happening in the world, you can start to recognize, the reactiveness is kind of starts to diminish because you’re dealing with the pain over here, and you start to recognize, oh, these are expressions of fear. That neighbor’s afraid because you’re doing something that they would love to do and are not.

Alana Fairchild [00:37:34]:
Your, you know, parent or whoever it was that’s saying, oh, you’re mother. I didn’t raise you that way, you know, without being too sassy or cruel about it. You can just privately to yourself think, well, I’m changing. I’m I’m raising myself in a different way. Like, I know you did your best, and thank you, but this is what’s working for me. And you you get to have response rather than reaction, but it takes time. You’re pulling apart the tendencies and it, you know, it sounds like a lot of work and at times it is, but it’s so strengthening and so loving in such a meaningful way that yields change. You feel happier and then you start to have all these beautiful spill on effects where other things happen that have to do with something else and you feel more confident to be able to be who you are and deal with it in a different way.

Alana Fairchild [00:38:29]:
It just it brings you a sense of being able to connect and feel supported from within that is beneficial on every level. And then just in terms of how you are in the world, you kind of have a different presence about you and that in turn can change the way people respond to you. But it takes time. Like that garden that’s blooming, it doesn’t just kind of go like that. It needs to have a process and we need to stick with it.

Lora Cheadle [00:38:55]:
Yeah. Yes. Because it’s important to have that gentle change. And a word that you have said a few times is connection. And I love connection because I think, especially as women, we, we want connection. We want connected hearts with our sisters. We want connected hearts with our partners. Like, we we tend and befriend.

Lora Cheadle [00:39:13]:
We do that. We want that connection. And so often what gets overlooked is that connection with ourself, with the connection with the divine feminine within, with who we are. And I appreciate when you said have a conversation with yourself. Be gentle with yourself, realize you’re walking on new legs. That’s that’s so beautiful to realize even if people are judging you, that’s okay. Connect with yourself. Even if you’re losing your partner of so many years, that’s okay.

Lora Cheadle [00:39:46]:
Connect with yourself. And then that level of trust, like you were talking about the way that you show up differently shifts the energy, and it changes everything. And that’s powerful.

Alana Fairchild [00:40:02]:
It is. And and change is probably a keyword for the Divine Feminine Intelligence in us, in our hearts, and I always know when I’m traveling deeply with her because I feel very uncertain about what I’m doing. And I I on one level, I know I need to do something. I feel intuitively guided, but, typically, it’s unfamiliar. It’s approaching something differently. It’s taking on a task that in the past I probably wouldn’t have felt that I was able to do. I am putting myself in situations where I’m out of my comfort zone, and I’m not doing it from some headstrong place of I will conquer or anything like that. It’s actually coming from a different state of I don’t really know what on earth I’m doing, but this feels true.

Alana Fairchild [00:40:51]:
I feel like I need to do this thing. So there’s a huge amount of uncertainty around what’s gonna happen, how I’m gonna handle it, what I’m actually doing, and yet I feel this sense, this recurring guidance kind of pops through my mind. I’ve been feeling it a lot because I’ve been working with the goddess Isis a lot Yeah. In this past couple of months in particular. And I feel her, and she is the kind of reconstructive intelligence. That’s what she is. So I know it’s good what’s happening because I’ve been going through this. And this phrase that keeps running through my head is I need to trust where I’m being led.

Alana Fairchild [00:41:23]:
And and I think it’s the same for all of us when we’re really in this space of kind of going through the potential transformation of pain into fertiliser. Right? And from that evolving into something new, we’re not gonna really know what we’re doing, but there will be some kind of non logical maybe and yet still very valid intuitive instinct that’s kind of saying I need to do this. Today I need to do that, or I need to follow this path or read this book or whatever it is. Have this conversation and trust it. You know, there is this intelligence within that’s not always conscious completely. We don’t always understand what it’s up to until sometimes later. In hindsight, you can say, oh, yeah. Wow.

Alana Fairchild [00:42:08]:
That really was important, but it didn’t seem to be anything other than just a strange thing my intuition was urging me to do at the time that I didn’t really understand. But I did it anyway.

Lora Cheadle [00:42:18]:
I’m just lighting up as you say that I’m like, because that unfamiliar feeling, that I don’t know why I’m here. I think so many people resist that, and we feel like we’re wrong. And I just know for me as you were talking about that, when I found out that my partner cheated on me, most of my listeners know we’d been married 23 years. He had cheated for 15 years with 5 women. I had no clue. I was devastated, and somehow I knew we weren’t done. I knew this was the beginning. I knew it was not the ending.

Lora Cheadle [00:42:53]:
Even though my conscious logical mind was like, take him for all his worth. Get out of here. Show him. I knew, and I don’t know how I knew, and I don’t know why I knew, but I knew the story was not done. And it felt really weird to say, I know I’m not done, and I don’t know what I’m doing with this. But the transformation in me is something I am grateful for every day, and I never saw it coming. The transformation in him has blown everybody away. The transformation in us, I didn’t know a relationship could be like this.

Lora Cheadle [00:43:37]:
So the intention was not to save my marriage. The intention was to listen, to feel, to go where I was being led. And I think that’s really powerful too, and I like how you talk about there’s the choice, there’s the intention. We have to set that, but we also have to listen and flow. And it’s hard to know the difference sometimes between what’s an intention, what’s wishful thinking, what’s being led, what’s putting on blinders. Do you have any wisdom around that discernment?

Alana Fairchild [00:44:20]:
Between intuition and wishful thinking in particular is something that comes up quite a bit for people, I think. The thing that I notice, even with wishful thinking, there’s often a seed in there. There’s often a kernel of something that resonates. And this is where having that sense of connection to our own body and our own sense of our heart and our feelings and our ability to be with ourselves is so important because the instrument that we have to discern between something that is right for us as opposed to something that maybe sounds right, generally speaking, but it’s not really right for us. And the difference between a thought that might take you know, that’s really kind of maybe has something in it that feels intriguing, but it’s not much more than a massive path of distraction that that’s going to lead us on, as opposed to an intuition that really is gonna help us take the next step on our life path. Like, the the way that we distinguish those things is really through this resonator of the body and how it actually feels. And it’s such a subtle thing, but you can feel the distinction of it by how it lands. And it’s a little bit like, say you’re having a conversation with someone, you might know them well or not, but often if we’re really listening, you know when that person’s talking the truth or when they’re trying to spin something.

Alana Fairchild [00:45:52]:
If you’re listening, if you’re not in your head around this is what I want, I I want that to be the truth or whatever. So sometimes it’s easier with people you don’t know that well because you don’t have the expectations. You’ve not woven yourself into a story that you want to preserve, you’re just really very present and quite neutral. You can hear the difference between a truth and something that is more contaminated. And it’s the same with our own sense of intuition and thought. If we’re really connected to that body, to that sense of presence in the here and now, and in that, if we’re able to have the willingness to know, I think this is important, We have to be willing to know the truth. Sometimes we don’t wanna risk it. I think we should just acknowledge that when we’re in those spaces.

Alana Fairchild [00:46:37]:
I’m not quite ready to know the truth in case it’s not what I want. I’m not quite ready to deal with the pain of that. That’s okay. It’s okay. Yeah. Just acknowledge it. And then when you’re ready and you’re ready to have that knowledge of the truth, then you’ll you’ll have it and you’ll feel it and you’ll know. Mhmm.

Lora Cheadle [00:46:54]:
That’s really powerful. I’m I’m glad that you said that because so often people will beat themselves up. Why didn’t I know? I’m such an intuitive person. Why didn’t I know? And what’s wrong with me? And maybe it was not that that right divine timing, and maybe you just weren’t equipped, and that’s okay too.

Alana Fairchild [00:47:18]:
It is. And also, there’s an element of trust. If you you have to be willing to kind of suspend and give people a bit of the benefit of the doubt and relax into that trust if there’s going to be a relationship. Like, that’s a risk. Sometimes it doesn’t work, but I don’t know if you could really have a relationship without it. It doesn’t mean you abandon all intuition. But if you are needing to be in, you know, very very consistent sense of neutral observational kind of almost vigilance in the relationship, then that’s probably going to prevent the kind of dropping into a relaxed kind of intimacy that is necessary if you’re going to go deeper at some stage. So I don’t think you can really blame yourself for not seeing something.

Alana Fairchild [00:48:07]:
I don’t think that’s a realistic assessment. I think that’s a little bit unfair to to feel, you know, that you should have seen something when you were giving that person the benefit of trust because you were in a relationship and you made a commitment. So, yeah, I think we we need to be a bit kind to the, you know, the complexity and messiness of what it is to be human and to have relationships too, I feel.

Lora Cheadle [00:48:33]:
Yeah. And you know, that leads right into the concept of forgiveness. Do you talk a little bit about forgiveness? Because that’s, that’s hard and it’s okay to be angry, but then how do you move into forgiveness and how do you bridge some of those gaps?

Alana Fairchild [00:48:51]:
I think that’s such an important question. And I think it’s important to, first of all, note what forgiveness is not. It’s not saying that something was okay. It’s not saying that you’re alright to go back and go through the whole thing again. And it’s not saying that you, you know, just feel like you’re not deserving of having your thoughts and your feelings about something. So it’s not those things. What it is is an energetic state that we naturally get to where there’s closure and release. And for me, at least, an incredibly important part of that is to develop compassion for myself and for the person or people that have been involved in something.

Alana Fairchild [00:49:35]:
Now that doesn’t happen overnight, typically. It’s usually a process. So we experience the more difficult and messy and painful emotional states first, anger, you know, incredulity, shock. You know, if something has been a big shock, especially like a long term relationship where there’s betrayal or where you really did not see it coming, there were no signs at all and just come out of the blue. They can be shock even when maybe we look back and think, oh, she probably could have seen it more readily, but for whatever reason, I didn’t.

Lora Cheadle [00:50:06]:
Mhmm.

Narrator [00:50:07]:
But

Alana Fairchild [00:50:07]:
when there’s that deep shock, it takes a while to just get through that to then be able to realise what we’re feeling. So the feeling process, healing process involves all of those feelings. Forgiveness can’t be contrived. I’ve seen people try to do that and I don’t think it works. I think it’s a natural state that happens when we come through everything, we’ve processed our feelings. We come to a place of acceptance that the thing happened, a sense of realisation about what we wanna do with it. We probably become philosophical about the experience, like just sometimes bad things happen, you know? Everyone’s a bit wounded. We trespass on each other, we may or may not have had the intention to do that, some people are really wounded and they’re meant to, but most people don’t.

Alana Fairchild [00:50:54]:
And then we come to this place of, I’m kind of ready to be done with this. I would like a new vision for myself. You know? I I don’t wanna be replaying this one. I’m sort of getting to that point where I think I’ve got my head around it. I’ve understood it as much as I can. I’ve unpacked if I had past trauma that was triggered by this, and I’ve worked with it intelligently, and I’m ready to kind of be reborn. And then forgiveness is this, I wanna let this go. I hope that person heals.

Alana Fairchild [00:51:23]:
You know? You may or may not have an ongoing relationship with them, which is not based on vengeance or trying to show them anything. It’s based on this is what feels true and healthy and authentic for you, and you’re at this space. And then forgiveness is you you kinda let yourself off the hook. No more judgment of yourself. No more criticism. No more wishing that it could have been different. You just accept it. You’re done.

Alana Fairchild [00:51:48]:
You wish them all the best whether or not they’re in your life anymore, and you’re ready for something new. It’s the closure. It’s powerful.

Lora Cheadle [00:51:56]:
Yeah. I really, I wrote it down. I would like a new vision for myself. Getting to the point of being able to say, I would like a new vision for myself. I mean, that right there is that divine heart medicine. I want a new vision. That is the evolution. That’s leaning into what’s next.

Lora Cheadle [00:52:17]:
That this isn’t the highest and best. There’s more. There’s always more to come. And how powerful to think that when we are at our rock bottom, we can choose a new vision for ourselves. That’s so beautiful.

Alana Fairchild [00:52:33]:
Yeah. We are creative beings. And I think too, this might be getting a bit esoteric, but I do feel to say it, sometimes I think our consciousness is playing catch up with our heart. It’s like those people you see, they’re so called walking their dogs down the street, but the dog’s really walking there. Maybe you’ve seen that. Like, they kind of drag behind the lead and the dog’s having a wonderful time. Sometimes the heart is like that animal that we think we’re in control of, but really the heart’s kind of ruling the show and it has this desire to become the fullness of what we are. That’s kind of encoded in there.

Alana Fairchild [00:53:11]:
That’s what it wants to do, that’s that deep love. And the mind sometimes is playing catch up. It only understands later. So we’re thinking, oh, I want a new vision, and we might think that we’re imagining it, but it’s kind of being fed to us from within. We’re we’re always being kind of grown and nurtured and sometimes pushed that heart intelligence. So it is there. And I think there’s something beautiful about that because the heart magnetic field is very strong. So the other thing that it does is it attracts in situations and circumstances that are gonna be of benefit and help us grow.

Alana Fairchild [00:53:54]:
And my wish always is that, you know, everyone has that in the most merciful and positive and beautiful way, but sometimes it’s the more difficult things that really push us to grow the

Lora Cheadle [00:54:03]:
most. Oh, that I think that is so right on. It’s the magnetic attraction for the experiences that we need in order to be become who our heart knows we need to be. And, you know, do I love my betrayal journey? No. Do I have enormous gratitude for it every day? Yes. And was it painful? Yes. It was the worst thing I ever went through, but I would never trade it for the world. And I think that is my biggest wish for everybody listening to this show, to find that place of gratitude and peace and forgiveness to allow their heart to do just what you said, to lead the way so they can become everything that they most authentically are.

Lora Cheadle [00:54:54]:
So thank you for saying that that was spot on And listeners, I know you’re going to love this show. I know you are going to wanna find some of Alana’s beautiful work, her cards, her books, her website. I will put a link to her website in the show notes, alanafairchild.com. She’s got an amazing community. Check her out. Connect to her. If you have any questions, let me know. Thank you so much for being here.

Lora Cheadle [00:55:29]:
I truly appreciate it. And listeners, as usual, always remember to flaunt exactly who you are because who you are is always more than enough.

Narrator [00:55:42]:
Tune in next time to flaunt, find your sparkle, and create a life you love after infidelity or betrayal with Lora Cheadle every Wednesday at 7 AM and 7 PM Eastern Standard Time on syndicated DreamVision 7 Radio Network. Uncover the truth of what’s possible for you on the other side of betrayal and develop the skills and strategies necessary to embrace the future and flourish today. Download your free betrayal recovery toolkit at betrayalrecoveryguide.com.