From Wounded to Wise: The Map That Transforms Betrayal Pain into Lasting Peace.

Lora Cheadle [00:00:01]:
You're listening to Flaunt. Find your sparkle and create a life you love after Infidelity or Betrayal. A podcast for women who've been betrayed by their intimate partner and want to turn their devastation into an invitation to reclaim themselves and their worth. Tune in weekly so you can start making sense of it all and learn how to be okay on the inside, no matter what goes on on the outside. Download your free betrayal Recovery toolkit@betrayalrecoveryguide.com.

Lora Cheadle [00:00:35]:
Most women who are trying to recover from infidelity or betrayal are given pieces of the betrayal recovery puzzle. They go to personal therapy, they get marriage counseling, they read self help books, they take a course here or there on rebuilding self, trust, breath work, whatever it is. And here's the truth that nobody will tell you. The truth is that all of those pieces help a little bit. But without the map, without the recipe that helps you integrate and put all of those pieces together, you are never going to feel better. You are never going to feel completely healed, completely transformed. Because here's the truth. I get so many people coming to see me who months later, years later, after D day, after the online courses, after seeing a therapist for a year and a half, after whatever it is, they're like, why am I not over it yet? Why do I still spiral into obsessive thoughts? Why do I still not trust him or trust myself? Why can't I get over it? I hear that all the time.

Lora Cheadle [00:02:08]:
Why can't I get over it? What is wrong with me? And today I really want to break that myth that something is wrong with you, because it's not. What's wrong is that you haven't been given the map. You have all these different pieces, but you've never been given the map how to integrate them and how to put them back together again. And that's exactly what we are going to do today. We're going to talk about that map, we're going to talk about that recipe, that framework, whatever it is. And I'm going to walk you through how these different pieces fit in, but then most importantly, I think how to integrate them so you feel healed, so you feel whole and complete and all of that good stuff. Does that sound good? Does that sound like something that would be useful? Yes, absolutely. I'm glad you're here.

Lora Cheadle [00:03:08]:
For those of you if this is your first time, welcome. I am Lora Cheadle. And yes, I was betrayed by my husband of 23 years. I found out that he had cheated for 15 years. And guess what? We are still together. We are happily still together. And the infidelity and betrayal happened to be one of the most. I never want to say it's the best thing that ever happened to us, because it wasn't.

Lora Cheadle [00:03:38]:
But it was one of the most profound experiences I think that either both of us went through. And it really created a lot of good and a lot of growth. And I'm going to be real with you because I'm never going to lie to you on this show. It wasn't fun, it wasn't easy, it wasn't enjoyable, but it really was profound. I like to say that betrayal uncovers the truth because it does. Not only does it uncover the truth about your partner, but most importantly, it uncovers the truth about yourself. All of those things that we don't want to see, all of those things that we ignore or we say I'll deal with later or our ego traps us in to projection, to blame, to judgment, and we're like, oh, I've just. I just.

Lora Cheadle [00:04:36]:
I'm fine. I'm fine. I don't need to change. Betrayal uncovers all of that. And when we are faced with such a dark night of the soul, it really gives us the opportunity to either crash and burn or to rise and to soar. And that's what this show is about. It's about helping you rise. It's about helping you soar.

Lora Cheadle [00:05:03]:
It's not about helping you get back to what you had before. This is the hard reset. It is getting you back to your soul mission. It's getting you back to your purpose. It's getting you back to living the kind of life that you were meant to live all along. Because if you're anything like me, life gets in the way. And kids and jobs and marriages and all these things and aging grandparents, and it gets in the way and it throws us off track. And then fear and money and a mortgage, and then pretty soon we are just caught up in living this life and we're no longer intentional about who am I and what am I here to do on the planet? And betrayal wakes you up to all of that.

Lora Cheadle [00:06:00]:
It uncovers the truth of your soul. And that's why I'm here. I am here to spread information, to spread light, to spread joy, to spread awareness around these gifts of betrayal. Because whether it's infidelity or another kind of betrayal, betrayal is a wound that all humans have. Have. That all humans have experienced, and yet very few of us understand, know how to integrate or even feel comfortable talking about without shame. So if you have been betrayed, you are in the right place. If you want to heal and have your own hard reset, not just getting back to what was before, but I mean, really getting back to who you are and why you are here, then you are in the right place.

Lora Cheadle [00:07:06]:
So the framework, the map that I created is the Flaunt framework. And yes, it is a clinically backed framework that integrates the body with somatic processing. The mind, the intellect, the spirit, your identity. And the reason that I created this framework was to help women heal and integrate everything that they were doing so they don't just heal and get over it, but they really know how to alchemize the their wounds into wisdom, into sovereignty, and into a deep embodied sense of freedom and wisdom. The story as to how all of this came about is really interesting because sometimes people are like, so did you just set out to create this framework? And it's like, no, actually the framework found me. And the way it found me was really interesting too, because I developed it before I found out that my husband had been cheating on me all along. And whether you think that was divine intervention or whether you think, well, gosh, inside Lora, maybe you knew this all along. I'm not quite sure.

Lora Cheadle [00:08:36]:
You know, I think maybe it's a little bit of both. So here's what happened. I was a corporate attorney and I really liked it for the most part. And when I had kids, things got busy, as I'm sure you can relate to if you've had your own kids. Not only was it difficult because I had two kids in 22 months and I was practicing law full time, but my husband got a job out of state two weeks out of every month, which meant I was trying to be the single parent managing everything. And that's really hard, especially when your kids are that young. On top of all of that, my company was. It was an international insurance company that I worked for and we were merging with the US based company.

Lora Cheadle [00:09:28]:
So things were really getting busy at work. And three out of four of my grandparents were in some stage of death or dying. Popping in and out of the hospital, getting put on, you know, home hospice, all of this stuff was going on. And also inside I kept feeling like I'm not even having time for anything for myself, for my kids. Like this, this isn't what I planned. I. This isn't the life that I thought I would have. This isn't what I wanted.

Lora Cheadle [00:10:03]:
I want to have more time with my kids. I want to have more time with me. I want to just enjoy life and not always be racing around because death was right there in front of me. And I could look at my grandparents life and it was like time is short and I don't want to lose any of this. So I stepped back from work. I started by going part time. That didn't work so well for me. So I ended up just staying home full time.

Lora Cheadle [00:10:33]:
Now I never wanted to completely just stay home. I always wanted to do something. And I had taught fitness classes since graduating from high school. It was always like my hobby job. And the thing that always rubbed me wrong about fitness was it was based on how you looked, a certain weight, a certain size, you know, how much you could lift. It really wasn't health focused. And I thought that's it, that's what I'm going to do. I'm going to create my own wellness company.

Lora Cheadle [00:11:07]:
I'm going to help people create wellness and health and well being. So I started pivoting into yoga and the mindfulness training. I actually went back and got an associate's degree, a clinical hypnotherapist associate's degree. So I learned how to do hypnotherapy, you know, mindfulness meditation, like all of that stuff. And I took this deep dive into what it meant to be well. And what I really learned about wellness was its integration. You can't just be well because you're working out in, even within working out. It's the integration of cardio and strength and flexibility and functional fitness.

Lora Cheadle [00:11:52]:
It's the integration of all of it that actually makes us healthy. And same thing like diet. It's not just diet, it's what we eat. It's the quality of food that we eat, it's the frequency and the amount of food that we eat. Like you can eat the best food in the world and eat it in such huge quantities that it becomes unhealthy. You can limit unhealthy foods so much that you become miserable because you're never letting yourself have a hamburger or french fries or chocolate. It's this integration. You have to integrate all facets of fitness, all facets of diet.

Lora Cheadle [00:12:36]:
But then it's also mindset and it's joy and it's connecting with nature and it's relationships. Like if you actually look at a lot of the research, what helps with joy and health and wellness and longevity is the quality of relationships. Well then what is holding people back from having relationships? Again, it's a combination of things. Do you know how to communicate? Do you have emotional intelligence? Do you know how to deepen that emotional, emotional intelligence? Do you know how to empathize? Do you know how to communicate that you're empathizing? Do you know how to create healthy boundaries for yourself so you don't get run over? Do you know how to identify red flags? Like, every single thing is multifaceted, multidimensional, multi layered. And it's the integration of all of those things that matters. It's not just one recipe. A cup of sugar, 2 cups of flour, a teaspoon of salt. How you put them together matters.

Lora Cheadle [00:13:48]:
And what I'm thinking about when I say that is I'm based in Colorado. We are at a high altitude. Baking in Colorado at a high altitude is completely different than baking at sea level. And I lived in California for a couple of years, and I had to relearn how to bake. And then when I came back to Colorado, I had to relearn high altitude baking. And here's the thing. You can get all of these cookbooks and you can follow them to the T with intention and love and all of that, and things will go flat because you're at a high altitude. And I really want you to hear that.

Lora Cheadle [00:14:30]:
If you're struggling and if you're thinking, why don't I feel better? Why am I still enraged? Why am I still questioning my decisions? Why can't I let this go? I've done all the right things. And that's what I want to remind you about. You can do all the right things in a recipe, and if you're doing it at high altitude and it's not a high altitude direction, it doesn't matter. Your cookies will be flat. Your bread won't turn out. It's not just the ingredients. It's the integration of how you put them together for you that matters. So I am building this wellness business, and I come up with this flaunt framework, and everybody is like, oh, my gosh, this is amazing.

Lora Cheadle [00:15:29]:
And this helps me so much. And I'm like, I know, right? This is incredible. And then people kind of start asking me, well, what is it for? Like, this flaunt framework is the key. It is the absolute key to joy, to happiness, to sovereignty, to freedom. But what is, like, the problem that it solves? And I was like, wait, what do you mean? What is the problem that it solves? It integrates everything so you feel better. And a bunch of people were like, yeah, I get that. But what is the problem that it solves? And again, I kept saying, well, it's the integration. It solves the problem of doing all these random things.

Lora Cheadle [00:16:13]:
And not having them work, it's the integration. And as I'm having that conversation, you know, in my head with current clients, with my business coach, that's when I found out that my husband had been cheating on me for 15 years with five different women. And I fell apart. I didn't think I could ever get over it. And I'm. I'm being honest with you when I say that, like, I really thought. This is ruining me. I will never be the same again.

Lora Cheadle [00:16:50]:
I will never feel safe in my body. I have zero interest in relationships because I can't trust anybody. This is ruining my kids. This is. I sacrificed all these years, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And now, blah, blah, blah. I mean, you. You know the stories.

Lora Cheadle [00:17:06]:
You know the stories. I catastrophized up one side and down the other. I'd play the scenario out of leaving, and it was awful. I played the scenario out of staying, and it was awful. And it was like I couldn't find peace. Yes, I went to or we went to a marriage counselor. Yes, I saw an individual therapist. Yes, we did an affair recovery retreat.

Lora Cheadle [00:17:35]:
Yes, I read all the books. I googled everything you could ever think of to Google. I read it all. I printed it out. I highlighted things. I gave them to him. Like, I did it all. I mean, I'm a lawyer.

Lora Cheadle [00:17:49]:
I research. I dug deep. I was like, I could write a dissertation on betrayal because I know everything about it clinically from the headspace. I have it figured out. So why am I not feeling better? Why is this not working? Why am I catching glimpses but it's not really working? Why am I asking the same questions over and over and over again? Why can't I feel better? And it was really interesting because all of a sudden, the answer was like, the answer that I. That came from within. Lora, you have been given the framework to integrate this. All you have to do is do your own work.

Lora Cheadle [00:18:43]:
And it was like, oh, oh, I have been given this framework. I have been given this map. I had this amazing idea on how to integrate all kinds of healing. And. And I was given the solution before I had the problem. And I started talking to my friends, and I'm like, could this be the key? Could this be the key to the problem of I've been betrayed and I can't get myself to feel better? I've been betrayed and nothing is working? I can't let go. I can't move on? And everybody was like, well, why don't you try it? And I was like, yeah, why don't I try it? And I tried it, and it worked. And again, it's a clinically backed framework.

Lora Cheadle [00:19:39]:
There were pieces of it along the way. Yes, that I made up, how to put it together, but each piece has got the research behind it. It is clinically backed. And then I thought, well, that worked so well for me. I'm really curious if it would work for other women in the same space having this same problem. And I started testing it out, and sure enough, it helped everyone. It truly allowed everybody to integrate the things that they had learned to finally heal to a level where they could go, ah, this works. And I feel better.

Lora Cheadle [00:20:26]:
Because after all, isn't that what it's about? The actual. The exhalation, the integration, the feeling better? So what. What was a common experience was everybody went from, oh, my God, I'm doing everything right. This isn't working for me, and why don't I feel better and can I let this go and what's wrong with me? To oh, I'm not doing anything wrong. I'm doing it all right. I just have to integrate it. Here's the recipe. I can do the recipe.

Lora Cheadle [00:20:58]:
If the recipe isn't working, let's talk about tweaking it. Oh, there we go. Now I feel better. So that's how this whole framework developed. That's what got me to realize what is missing from the Betrayal Recovery puzzle is integration. And the framework for how to integrate all of the things that you're learning, all of the things that you're doing so you can find peace, so you can let it go, so you can move on. So if you were in the camp of, I am so done doing one more thing, just give me a map, let me put it all together so I can move on. Then this show is for you.

Lora Cheadle [00:21:47]:
Because flaunt is not another piece of the puzzle. It's the framework that makes all of those individual pieces work together. And I think what's really genius about it then is it'll also let you know if a piece is missing. Because sometimes we haven't tackled something, sometimes we have ignored the body piece or the mind piece or the soul piece. And then we're like, why is not this not working? Well, you haven't brought your body into it. You haven't processed physically, or I have been so caught up in my head and my body that I haven't brought the spiritual piece in. So that is what we are going to do today. The problem with Piece by Peace healing is it feels endless.

Lora Cheadle [00:22:45]:
There is no Clear finish line. And what I will be giving you today is a clear finish line. The finish line is, I feel at peace. I feel complete. I feel like I can go forward in life. Sure, there's going to be some discomfort or there's going to be some hard times, but the chapter is closed. The book is closed. It's put back on the shelf.

Lora Cheadle [00:23:11]:
I no longer need to open the book on infidelity and betrayal and revisit it. I'm done. There is a finish line and I think all of us want a finish line. The other problem with piece by piece healing is it really overloads the nervous system. Raise your hand if you have ever felt like betrayal. Recovery is two steps forward and one step back. I know. Raise your hand if you have ever felt like, I can't take any more of this.

Lora Cheadle [00:23:46]:
I need a break from healing. I need a break from therapy. I need a break from talking about it. I need a break piece by piece healing with no clear finish line puts you in this loop of there's always something more to learn, there's always something more to do. There's always something more to process. There's always something more. And when we don't have that time to step back and to integrate and to allow our bodies to integrate, our minds to integrate and to start doing things differently. It puts our nervous system on overdrive and it's like we're constantly being chased by a little slow moving tiger.

Lora Cheadle [00:24:30]:
Well, if we don't have this conversation, the marriage is going to fall apart. If I don't find out this information, he might do it again. If I don't get this figured out, my divorce will be awful. It's that constant underlying tension that I need to figure one more thing out. I need to do one more thing. If we don't do it, it's going to be a problem. And then when we're on overload, we can't integrate and become differently. Instead, we become hyper vigilant again.

Lora Cheadle [00:24:58]:
Raise your hand if you've ever been hyper vigilant. Hyper vigilant is that drive to check his phone, that drive to check his computer search the browsing history. It's that drive that, oh, I got to lose this weight. I got it. It's that drive to always be doing and checking and more, more, more, more, more, more, more. So if you find that you are in that overload state, it's because you're doing this piece by piece healing and it's time to stop with the pieces and to integrate. The last problem with the piece by piece healing method is it misses some crucial categories. A lot of healing out there is focused on the mind.

Lora Cheadle [00:25:43]:
It's focused on talk therapy, it's focused on couples therapy. It's focused on how do we communicate better? How do we. What was the problem in my childhood? What's my attachment style? What, you know, is a red flag. Why did I miss that? It's very therapeutic and we need that. We need to put together some pieces because our brain, our brain makes meaning out of all situations. Humans are meaning making machines. And when we think of in a situation like infidelity, where we can't understand it, we're like, how did this even happen to me? How could he, how could he do this? How could he not think this is going to, you know, matter to me? How could he not think how, how, how, how, how, why, why, why, why, why? We need to address it in the brain so the brain can settle down and we can calm down. But the problem is when we stop addressing it at that mental level and we're like, well, I got the answers.

Lora Cheadle [00:26:44]:
I've, you know, dove into my childhood. He's dealt with his trauma. We've learned communication skills. Why do I not feel better? Did you bring in the body? Did you bring in the spirit? Did you bring in ancestral healing? Did you bring in all these other pieces? The mind gets attention, but the body, the sense of safety, the sense of joy in your body, the spiritual understanding, why did this happen to me? Let me tell you. What does it mean? When did we have a soul contract? What am I learning from this? What is the greater good from this experience? You need all of those pieces in order to heal. And when you do that piece by piece healing, a lot of it tends to get missed. And you know, to be fair, even if you just move into like all physical stuff and you don't have the mental peace, your mind is never going to be at peace. If you move into the spiritual side only and you don't deal with the human pain and the human trauma, the.

Lora Cheadle [00:27:58]:
That's the spiritual bypass, you know, that's being like, it's all for the greater good. God wanted me to do this, and I'm just being tested. And the universe said, well, you're not going to feel peace that way either. I just love, I just have to pop in. I just love the whole play on words around peace and peace, like a piece of the puzzle. And when you have all the pieces of the puzzle, then you have the integration and then you find peace. So it's from peace P, I, E, C, E to peace, P, E, A, C, E. Let's just pause for a moment on how awesome that is, because I think that's really awesome.

Lora Cheadle [00:28:41]:
So we've got all the pieces of the puzzle, and it's like when you do the jigsaw puzzle, if you just dump all the pieces out there and you don't know what the image is that you're making, it makes it really hard to figure out where all the pieces go. That's why they have the image on the COVID of the box. So you can be like, oh, there's a sky over here. Oh, there's a sunset over there. Oh, there's a waterfall over here. That's what I do is I give you that image on the box. I help you create that vision. The vision is the image on the box.

Lora Cheadle [00:29:22]:
Then and only then, when you have that vision, can you start putting all of those pieces together. Then and only then, can you integrate all of this work that you have done. So let's pause with that. I am not just a coach. I show you, I help you, I guide you. I can say, look at all of these pieces. Let's spread all the pieces out on the proverbial kitchen table. Let's all turn them upright so we can see what they are.

Lora Cheadle [00:29:59]:
And now let's find that image of what it is we're building. And now let me help you. Let's put all the blue pieces over here. Let's put all the straight edge pieces over here. Let's put all the green grass pieces over here. I coach you in the integration of all of this wisdom. I help you weave it together. And what that does is it turns this information into transformation.

Lora Cheadle [00:30:32]:
And that is a piece that also gets overlooked so much, we think if we stuff ourselves with wisdom, it's all going to be better. It's not the information that matters. It's the transformation that matters. It's my guess that just about every one of you listening to the podcast is an expert on betrayal in some way or another. Because you've read so much, because you've talked so much, because you have listened to so many podcasts, you have so much information on betrayal. So my question is, where is the transformation? It's not about the information. It's about the transformation. I love the word alchemy, because alchemy is about turning lead into gold.

Lora Cheadle [00:31:33]:
It's about taking the blah icky base material, and it's about turning it into something precious and powerful. And for our purposes, it's truly about taking that wound and it's about turning it into wisdom. It's about becoming embodying the version of yourself that you were always meant to be. It's that hard reset, the letting go of anything that is weighing you down in service of being and feeling that transformation of being so rock solid in yourself that nothing can ever disrupt your peace again. And I mean permanently disrupted, I mean long term disrupted. If you get in a car accident, of course your peace is going to be momentarily disrupted. But it's that kind of peace where you no longer perseverate. You no longer stay awake at night thinking about every bad thing that you've ever done and everything that you should have said.

Lora Cheadle [00:32:45]:
It's about really finding that peace within yourself, that things happen and it doesn't change who I am. People can judge me as positive or negative and it says nothing about who I am. And I really feel okay with that. I'm not just pretending, oh, your words can't hurt me. I really don't care because I know I will be fine no matter what. People will often say to me, like, are you pro marriage or pro divorce? And it's like, I'm pro neither. I am pro. How can you be so solid in yourself that it doesn't matter if you're married or divorced? It matters that you are peaceful, that you are in your own power, that you're owning your power, that you are not living your life according to somebody else's standards, that you are fully embodied and fully self expressed.

Lora Cheadle [00:33:41]:
That's what I am proud. I want you to be fully embodied with whatever emotions you want to embody and rock solid in who you are. So that the judgment of others will not impact you. So that that inner critic, that voice in your head is no longer judging you either. And that when you do hear it pop up, because it will pop up, you know how to put it in place in a loving, kind way, you know, thank you for being concerned about me, but I've got this. So that is the role of an integrator. That is the role of an alchemist. That is what I do for you.

Lora Cheadle [00:34:29]:
The Flaunt framework is the map that helps us take that journey. It is the map through the dark night of the soul. It is a map through this horrible valley of the shadow of death. And it leads you to the other side. And it leads you to the other side in that strong, powerful way. Not to the other side of well, yeah, I survived, but I'm bitter. Yeah, I survived, but I'm Hateful. Yeah, I survived, but I'm broken.

Lora Cheadle [00:35:04]:
And I'm still thinking about this 45 years later. It leads you to the other side, where you are fully in your power and your joy, and you're stronger and happier than you ever were before. So let's talk about that flaunt framework a little bit, shall we? Yep, we shall. Okay. Flaunt, as I'm sure you know, is an acronym, and it stands for find your fetish, laugh out loud, accept unconditionally, navigate the negative, and trust in your truth. And you might be scratching your head and thinking, so how do all of those betrayal recovery pieces fit into this framework? And I will say, I am so glad you asked. Let me walk you through that. Here's another untruth that's out there.

Lora Cheadle [00:36:05]:
People think recovering from betrayal is about the relationship. People think it's about your partner. It's about you. I know you didn't do anything wrong. One of the things I hear all the time is, why do I have to go to therapy? I didn't do anything wrong. Nope, you didn't. The reason that betrayal recovery is about you is because, first and foremost, you are the only person that you can control. And second of all, things happen for a reason.

Lora Cheadle [00:36:41]:
Things happen for a reason. Things happen to serve us. Things don't happen to destroy us. Things happen to help us grow, to give us something that we needed. And when you start with F, find your fetish, it puts the spotlight back on you. Nope, I didn't do anything wrong at all. But what could this betrayal uncover about me? Finding your fetish is about what I've talked about earlier, that hard reset. Who am I on a soul level? Why am I here? What is my purpose in life? What am I here to do? What lights me up from the inside out? If I were to die in a week, what would I be leaning into in this week to make sure I got done? What do I want on my tombstone? She was here, too.

Lora Cheadle [00:37:55]:
Spread love, spread light. What is your soul mission? Not what is your ego mission? Not to have an Instagram perfect life. But why are you here? I feel like my sole mission is really around truth. It's around truth. It's around justice. It's around beauty. It's around. I'm going to speak into all of the difficult things that people don't want to speak about.

Lora Cheadle [00:38:31]:
And I'm going to help balance the shadow and the light. Without judging the shadow was bad or the light is good. I'm going to speak the truth that we all have shadow that we all have light. And they are just what they are. And I'm going to speak about that. And I'm going to create something beautiful because of that. And that is me. That is my fetish.

Lora Cheadle [00:38:57]:
That is me finding my mission. That is, if I wake up every day, continue to spread this message, this wisdom, I know I'm on track. It's not, oh, I want to make a certain amount of money or oh, I want to be famous or oh, I want to do this and have this kind of a house or this kind of a car. It's that deep soul mission. I have to do this. I feel compelled to do this work. What is that for you? I've been working with one woman who's like, I am the light in my family. I know that I am this light.

Lora Cheadle [00:39:40]:
And I feel like I can impact my kids and my grandkids and my nieces and my like, I feel like I am this light of strength and of love and of wisdom and. And this has knocked that out of me. And I want to get back to being that. And like she was sharing the other day during one of our voxer conversations, not only does she feel like she has gotten knocked out of that role, but she felt like she was performing it. I will be the one where everybody comes to her house. I will be the one where. And she kind of lost touch with her mission because she was so busy performing her mission, having the right matching dishes, having the right recipes. Her stuff is incredible.

Lora Cheadle [00:40:27]:
It's like over the top incredible. And yes, she gets joy out of creating the beautiful things, but she's like, I lost touch with the heart centered mission of being this anchor and being this light in my family. And I had gotten lost in the showy offiness of it. And what betrayal has brought her was back home to herself, back home to her soul's mission. To be the love in her family, in the world, in her community, and to stop showing off and to stop performing, but just to drop in and to be that love. So that's why we start with the F in flaunt. Find your fetish. It's finding that sole purpose.

Lora Cheadle [00:41:16]:
The L in flaunt is for Laugh out loud. And again, such an often overlooked piece of integration is betrayal recovery work. You bet your booty it's work. But nothing is ever accomplished outside of joy. Nothing is ever accomplished outside of joy. We can do small things with great love when we are doing things with love, with laughter, with light, with joy. It carries us forward and it anchors it into our being when we're doing things we dread when we're doing things, we hate when we're doing things because it's so serious. It's not anchored and it's not embodied.

Lora Cheadle [00:42:05]:
It does not become us. So the L is remembering that laughter. Not only does it calm and re regulate the nervous system that's scientifically backed, but it helps us anchor in and it keeps us going. It keeps us going. There was a study, it's a great study about there's not not a real hill. But it's like these interviewers would go up to people on a college campus and they would say, if I were to give you a backpack, half the weight of your body and you had to walk up a hill again, it's not like it's a real hill. It's not like they're being asked to do it. How hard do you think that would be? Hard, Painful, Awful.

Lora Cheadle [00:42:52]:
Easy. Not so bad. The people who were walking alone, who were serious, who were grouchy, all said it would be awful, it would be hard, it would be horrible. The people who were walking with other people estimated that it wouldn't be that bad. And the people who were walking with dear friends estimated that no, it wouldn't be bad at all. It'll be fine. I can totally do that. Our perception matters.

Lora Cheadle [00:43:20]:
Our perception shapes reality. Had those people been given the exact same backpack, the people who were alone would have perceived that task, would have felt that task, would have embodied that task is something awful. And the ones who are with their friends laughing and having fun would have popped up the hill and perceived it as, yeah, I did it. Sure it got heavy, but it's not a big deal. That's that power of laughter. That's why it's on the map. You have to figure out who you are and what you want. You have to create that picture on the outside of the jigsaw puzzle box.

Lora Cheadle [00:43:57]:
And then you have to laugh your way it. If you don't enjoy the jigsaw puzzle, you're never going to sit down and put it together, right? But if you've got friends and you're laughing and you're joking and you know you're standing up and you're taking a break and you're looking out the window, then it's more fun. The next piece of the flaunt framework is au except unconditionally. Unconditionally is such a powerful word. We cannot change the past. We cannot change other people. We can lie to ourselves. Think about those three things you Cannot change the past.

Lora Cheadle [00:44:41]:
Okay, well, how much energy are you pouring into perseverating on the past that you cannot change? We cannot change other people. Okay, so how much energy or are you pouring into trying to change other people? I'm going to buy him this program and I'm going to get him this book, and we're going to get him this thing. And then once I explain this to him, and then with ourselves, we can lie to ourselves. How often are you not seeing things because you don't want to see them? One of the most powerful things that comes up in sessions all the time is when we get to the point where people will say to me, oh, I don't like that choice. I don't like either choice. And I love that position because it's the truth, because it's admitting to ourselves, I don't like either choice. I don't care if there's two choices or 10. I don't like them.

Lora Cheadle [00:45:50]:
But I'm not a victim anymore. I am not trapped. These are all my choices to make, and it's okay that I don't like them. And that's really that unconditional acceptance. Like I said earlier, I would play out getting divorced, and I didn't want that. And then it would play out staying married, and I didn't want that because it felt scary. What if he does the work? What if he doesn't do the work? What if he does the work and then stops doing the work? What if I give him another chance and it fails? What if? What if? What if? But that kept me in a victim stance, away from my power. So my question for you right here.

Lora Cheadle [00:46:39]:
Do you feel like your next move is contingent on somebody else's behavior? Do you feel like your next move is contingent on somebody else's behavior? I really want you to think about that. Because if the answer is, well, yes, I have to wait for the kids to get older. I have to wait to see if he does better with the therapy. I am going to wait until he gets a new job and gets away from her. Anytime there's a condition, it's not unconditional. It's sitting with what is and realizing. I am choosing to stay. I am taking a risk.

Lora Cheadle [00:47:27]:
I am choosing to leave. I am taking that risk. Or I am choosing not to decide right now because I don't like any of my options. I'm choosing to gather more information. I'm choosing to wait until. It's owning your power, it's owning your choices, and it's allowing yourself to Be unconditional. It's not. We're waiting to see what he does.

Lora Cheadle [00:47:53]:
It's not I'm waiting to see what he decides. It's this is what I am doing for me right now, and it's unconditional. I knew the story with my husband wasn't done. I kept feeling that it wasn't done. And yes, I have all the same fears you do. I have all the same concerns you do. And I really wanted it to be that he had the power to choose. Well, once he decides if he's going to.

Lora Cheadle [00:48:22]:
Well, once if he, uh. I had to accept unconditionally that all the choices were mine. And that's my hope for you. I want you to accept unconditionally that every single choice is yours. I want you to accept unconditionally that you have 100% control over the next chapter of your life because all the choices are yours to make. No, you might not like them, but they are yours to make. Yes, you might make a choice and it goes bad or wrong or not as anticipated, it's still your choice to make. Yes, somebody could betray you again.

Lora Cheadle [00:49:13]:
Somebody could lie to you. Somebody could make a different choice that you weren't anticipating. It only sets up new choices for you to make. And when you can kind of zoom out, pull back and look at it in terms of it's making these choices, it helps. The last two pieces of the Flaunt framework are N for navigate. Navigate the negative. And that's just what I was talking about with these choices. It's the constant navigation of I've made this choice now it opens up these two choices now I've made this choice, now it opens up six more choices now.

Lora Cheadle [00:49:52]:
I've made this choice now. It's that constant navigation. It's. You know, earlier I said the piece by piece healing really has. One of the problems is there's no finishing point. And when you use the framework, there is more of a finishing point. But at the same time, it opens up all future decisions and allows you to see that it is just a flow of navigation, that no matter what happens, you are in your power to choose that next best step. It's not about getting through the valley of the shadow of death.

Lora Cheadle [00:50:32]:
It's about do I go on this path or that path? Do I go over the rock or around the tree? Do I rest now and get up again in the sunlight or. Or do I keep working all through the dark night? And that's that navigation piece. And then the very, very last piece of the flaunt framework is T for trust in your truth, trust in your worth, trust in your ability to get the help that you need to ask for, the assistance that you need to be able to find peace in your body, in your mind, in your spirit. Trust that if you pray, those prayers will be answered. Trust that if you are leaning into a manifestation, it'll be this or something better. Because the thing is, when you don't integrate, when you don't use this flop framework, when you don't have the image on the outside of the puzzle box, you can't trust yourself. You can't navigate, you can't accept unconditionally because you're always going, over here, oh, I think I'm building a fence, I'm building a tree, I'm building grass. You chase every new healing trend and nothing ever feels done.

Lora Cheadle [00:51:49]:
Triggers stay alive longer. Small things knock you down. He doesn't call, and suddenly you're off to the races in your mind with this story. Something happens with somebody else and you're catastrophizing it. You live in reaction mode, always managing the crisis instead of creating a future, always being slightly victimized. Well, it's what they choose. Well, it's what he wants. Well, the kids want this when he wants that.

Lora Cheadle [00:52:18]:
My parents want this and my job wants that. And literally, you waste years trying to move on while your wound keeps running the show. And I do mean you waste years trying to move on. You've got insomnia, anxiety, loss of joy, distrust, feeling just disconnected from your joy. And if you want to live that way, I mean, by all means, go. But when you use this flop map to integrate all of those pieces to create that vision of where you want to be, you get that sense of deep, internalized calm, clarity, joy. You trust yourself again, and you actually have fun in the process because you're now, now, it's not this random jigsaw puzzle. You're like, I'm building the fence this week.

Lora Cheadle [00:53:11]:
Wow. Doing this blue sky in the clouds. It's hard. But I've got the pieces sorted. It's not put together yet, but the pieces are sorted. I recognize some of these pieces aren't going to go over there, but at least I've got a place to start. So wherever you're at right now, I want you to stop. I want you to take a breath, and I want you to imagine, visualize, or pretend that there is a jigsaw puzzle in front of you.

Lora Cheadle [00:53:47]:
The pieces that are scattered all over the floor, and I want you to think about. What is that first step you would do? Would you randomly start digging through the pile and hoping you could create connections or would you turn them all upright? Would you start sorting the edges? Would you start sorting them by color? Your first step is to decide how you want to integrate. Spread the pieces out, turn them upright so you can see what you have got and then think about that flop framework. Find your fetish. What is that? Joy in your soul. Why are you here? Laugh. Accept. Unconditionally.

Lora Cheadle [00:54:46]:
Navigate choice by choice by choice. And above all, trust in your truth. Trust in your ability to create the vision for the life that you want to create. Reach out. I am always here. I have got a new monthly community called the Sanctuary of the soul. It's only $47 a month. We start September 13th.

Lora Cheadle [00:55:19]:
You get a two hour group coaching call. You get a channeled message from the librarians. You get somatic processing. You get the sisterhood support that you never knew you needed but somehow are all of a sudden like oh my God, I can't live without this. You get me in your back pocket. Helping you create that vision. Helping you go from compressed and wounded to flaunting and free. From wounded to wise.

Lora Cheadle [00:55:51]:
Learn more by going to Sparkle Allseason.com because I want you to sparkle all season, every day feeling the best that you can possibly feel. Have an amazing week. Integrate, integrate, integrate. Stop focusing on the pieces and move into peace. Have an amazing week. And as usual, always remember to flaunt exactly who you are. Because who you are is always more than enough.

Speaker A [00:56:31]:
Tune in next time to flaunt, find your sparkle and create a life you love. After Infidelity or Betrayal with Lora Cheadle every Wednesday at 7am and 7pm Eastern Standard Time on syndicated DreamVision 7 radio network. Uncover the truth of what's possible for you on the other side of betrayal and develop the skills and strategies necessary to embrace the future and flourish. Success today. Download your free Betrayal Recovery toolkit@betrayalrecoveryguide.com.