Can science explain the breakdown of relationships after betrayal—and the path to rebuilding love? In this powerful episode, Lora Cheadle sits down with Dr. John Gray, author of Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus, to uncover the biological and emotional dynamics that shape relationships.
Dr. Gray reveals the hidden role of hormones in attraction, trust, and intimacy, explaining why betrayal impacts men and women differently. He shares actionable biohacks to restore connection, reignite passion, and help couples move from survival to sovereignty in their relationships. Whether you’re recovering from infidelity or simply looking to strengthen your partnership, this episode is packed with science-backed strategies to create lasting love.
Top 3 Takeaways:
- Why men and women experience betrayal differently – and how hormonal imbalances fuel emotional disconnection.
- The surprising power of small acts – how daily, five-minute gestures can rebuild trust and intimacy.
- How to ‘biohack’ your relationship – simple techniques to increase testosterone in men and estrogen in women for greater love and desire.
About John Gray:
John Gray is the author of the most well-known and trusted relationship book of all time, Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus. USA Today listed his book as one of the top 10 most influential books of the last quarter century. In hardcover, it was the #1 bestselling book of the 1990s. Dr. Gray’s books are translated into approximately 45 languages in more than 100 countries and continues to be a bestseller.
Dr. Gray has written over 20 books. His most recent book is Beyond Mars and Venus. His Mars/Venus book series has forever changed the way men and women view their relationships.
John helps men and women better understand and respect their differences in both personal and professional relationships. His approach combines specific communication techniques with healthy, nutritional choices that create the brain and body chemistry for lasting health, happiness and romance.
His many books, blogs and free online workshops at MarsVenus.com provide practical insights to improve relationships at all stages of life and love. An advocate of health and optimal brain function, he also provides natural solutions for overcoming depression, anxiety and stress to support increased energy, libido, hormonal balance and better sleep.
He has appeared repeatedly on Oprah, as well as on The Dr. Oz Show, TODAY, CBS This Morning, Good Morning America, and others. He has been profiled in Time, Forbes, USA Today, and People. He was also the subject of a three-hour special hosted by Barbara Walters.
John Gray lives in Northern California, where for 34 years he happily shared his life with his beautiful wife, Bonnie, until her passing in 2018. They have three grown daughters and four grandchildren. He is an avid follower of his own health and relationship advice.
About Lora:
Lora Cheadle is a betrayal recovery coach, attorney, and TEDx speaker who helps women heal from betrayal on an energetic, emotional, and ancestral level—while also providing legal guidance to help them navigate the practical complexities of infidelity and relationship transitions. She empowers women to rise from the ashes, reclaim their identity and self-worth, break free from repeating patterns, and step into their power with confidence, clarity, and grace.
After being shattered by her husband’s fifteen years of infidelity, Lora knows firsthand what it takes to transform devastation into an invitation for healing, freedom, and joy. Her unique approach blends deep emotional healing with tangible legal and life strategies, guiding women beyond betrayal into lives of unapologetic confidence and purpose.
As the founder of Life Choreography Coaching & Advocacy, Lora provides comprehensive legal, emotional, intellectual, and spiritual support on demand. She believes that infidelity doesn’t have to be the end of the dream you poured your heart and soul into—it can be the beginning of a life filled with sovereignty, connection, and joy.
Licensed to practice law in California and Colorado, Lora is also a trauma-aware coach, clinical hypnotherapist, somatic attachment therapist, and advanced integrated energy practitioner. She is certified in yoga, mindfulness, group fitness, and personal training, bringing a holistic perspective to healing.
She is the author of FLAUNT! Drop Your Cover and Reveal Your Smart, Sexy, & Spiritual Self (an International Book Awards Finalist and Tattered Cover Bestseller) and It’s Not Burnout, It’s Betrayal: 5 Tools to FUEL UP & Thrive. She also hosts the podcast FLAUNT! Create a Life You Love After Infidelity and Betrayal.
Based in Colorado, Lora is an adventure-seeker who loves travel, a great book, and saying yes to life’s magic.
Let’s connect! Share your thoughts or questions from this episode with Lora at loracheadle.com. New episodes every week.
Subscribe, like, share, and join Lora Cheadle on your journey to reclaim your sparkle and create a life you love.
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Transcript
Lora Cheadle [00:00:01]:
Tune in next time to flaunt. Find your sparkle and create a life you love after infidelity or betrayal with Lora Cheadle every Wednesday at 7AM and 7PM Eastern Standard Time on syndicated DreamVision seven radio network. Uncover the truth of what’s possible for you on the other side of betrayal and develop the skills and strategies necessary to embrace the future and flourish today. Download your free betrayal recovery toolkit at betrayalrecoveryguide.com.
Lora Cheadle [00:00:35]:
This podcast is sponsored by BetterHelp. Have you been struggling lately? Relationship issues impact every area of your life. When I found out about my husband’s infidelity, I was so devastated. I could barely function. Sleeping was impossible because I couldn’t shut off my brain. Eating was a challenge because I felt nauseous all the time. And for the first month or so, everything felt pointless. Whether you’re having trouble sleeping, feeling hopeless, or just can’t focus, BetterHelp is here to help you.
Lora Cheadle [00:01:07]:
BetterHelp offers licensed therapists who are trained to listen and help. You can talk to your therapist in a private online environment at your convenience. There’s a broad range of expertise
John Gray [00:01:19]:
in
Lora Cheadle [00:01:19]:
BetterHelp’s twenty thousand plus therapist network that gives you access to help that might not be available in your area. Just fill out a questionnaire to help assess your specific needs, and then you’ll be matched with a therapist in under twenty four hours. Then you can schedule secure video and phone sessions, plus you can exchange unlimited messages, and everything you share is completely confidential. I know that confidentiality was important for me, especially early on when I couldn’t even get my own mind wrapped around what was happening. And it was so comforting to be able to speak with someone candidly about everything I was going through, to validate that what I was feeling and experiencing was completely normal. You can request a new therapist at no additional charge anytime. Join the 2,000,000 plus people who have taken charge of their mental health with an experienced BetterHelp therapist. Special offer to flaunt, create a life you love after infidelity and betrayal listeners.
Lora Cheadle [00:02:23]:
You get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/flaunt. That’s betterhelp, h e l p, Com / flaunt, f l a u n t. Thanks again to BetterHelp for sponsoring this podcast.
Lora Cheadle [00:02:50]:
Hello, and welcome to Flaunt, create a life you love after infidelity or betrayal. I’m Lora Cheadle, and today is going to be an incredible show. My guest is John Gray. And for those of you who are like, John Gray? The John Gray? Yes. The John Gray. John is the author of the most well known and trusted relationship book of all time, Men Are From Mars and Women Are From Venus. Now not only has he written that book, but he has written over 20 books on relationships. His most recently being Beyond Mars and Venus, Relationship Skills for Our Complex Modern World.
Lora Cheadle [00:03:36]:
He helps men and women better understand and respect their differences in both personal and professional relationships. And his approach, which I really appreciate, combines specific communication techniques with healthy nutritional choices that create better brain and body chemistry for lasting health, happiness, and romance. So welcome, John. I’m really looking forward to our conversation.
John Gray [00:04:06]:
Well, thank you so much. I am too.
Lora Cheadle [00:04:08]:
Good. Let’s start off by talking about honoring and respecting differences between partners when those differences have in part led to infidelity?
John Gray [00:04:24]:
It’s a big subject, but the the simple part of it, I start out with hard to respect someone if we don’t understand how they’re different. Okay? So you have to understand people’s sensitivities. Now this is, of course, obvious if you have a child, you don’t demand things to that child which are not appropriate. Well, men and women without an understanding of how we’re different, we tend to expect our partners to be a certain way, react a certain way, respond a certain way that maybe we would respond. So you feel that’s normal, but not normal for them. And so we unknowingly sabotage our relationships.
Lora Cheadle [00:05:00]:
Yeah. And thank you for drawing that distinction between children and adults because we don’t expect our kids to respond like we were, but we sure do expect our partners to ex respond like we would.
John Gray [00:05:13]:
Right. You know you know, with our kids, we have a greater sense of unconditional love because there is a big part of at least for your young children, unconditional. Anyway, my older kids, it’s unconditional. No matter what, they come to me. Me. I always do my best to be for them for them. But with your partner, you try to have a sense of unconditional love, but it is very transactional. You know, it’s like my wife says, well, you always love me.
John Gray [00:05:35]:
I said, I’ve always loved you. I mean, if you’re trying to be an axe murderer, I can’t I I love you at a distance. Okay? I wish you well. Okay. So, there there has to be a give and take that works for both people. And so many people I’ve counseled where the women often feel I’ve done so much more. And men don’t understand that. They said, but look what I provide.
John Gray [00:05:55]:
Look what I provide. But what he provides is something that he values most, that he thinks he should get credit for. And he doesn’t understand what most significant for her. So and also for women, they if I’m doing all these things for him and some men would say, I’d rather you not. I’d rather you not do all those things for you and just be happy. Because women don’t realize, their happiness is their greatest power. Okay? Women often give a lot to get back rather than giving a lot, doing a lot, for him, allow him to do more for you. And when he can do more for you, then you will feel appreciative, trusting, or accepting, or happy.
John Gray [00:06:33]:
That is the gift that women give to men. The gift that men can give to women that’s most significant is action and thought and behavior that is validating to her, that’s respectful of her, that’s sensitive to her emotions. And today, I put that in at some point, we’ll get into it. I put it all in just in terms of hormones. If I can do things that raise her estrogen, she feels more supported. Whenever women are happy, their estrogen levels will be higher than what they are when they’re when she’s not happy. And for men, when men are, caring and motivated and more empathetic towards women, their testosterone levels are very high. And when men are grumpy, irritable, angry, passive, their testosterone levels are low.
John Gray [00:07:15]:
So if we can have a fix in relationships is to realize what do we do that knocks down our partner’s hormones that are healthy for them and what we can do to elevate that. It puts a whole another spin on not only how we can make our relationships better, but also a greater understanding which can lead to forgiveness of the recognition of how I have unknowingly and, again, it’s unknowingly sabotage the relationship. And then forgiveness and letting go and moving forward, is easier.
Lora Cheadle [00:07:46]:
Yeah. I love how you just said unknowingly sabotaged because isn’t that the truth? Like, I think I’m doing the best thing ever and really I’m ticking my partner off. I’m emasculating him. I’m doing all of this stuff, and I just think I’m being really, really helpful. So Yes. Yeah. So how do you start this conversation with your partner? How do you maybe bridge that gap and get them to see, I am trying, and I know you’re trying, but we don’t see each other. How do you start this conversation?
John Gray [00:08:21]:
Well, I’ll I’ll say an easy way. I sound self promotional. Get Men Are From Mars and say, let’s read this book together. Yes. And Oh my gosh. Do I do that? Do I do that? You know, couples tell me all the time that they elbow each other. Even to start a conversation could be is go online to my TED talk. It’s very funny.
John Gray [00:08:43]:
Look at all of the reviews. The reviews give it validation. I mean, hundreds, I think, thousands of views. You know, wow. This is great. He’s talking about my wife. He’s talking about my husband. And then there’s some, you know, there’s always some people who go, I hate men, you know.
John Gray [00:08:56]:
Yeah. Or I hate women. Those people will sort of throw in there but the huge amount of positive responses to just having me playfully and that talk is very playful. I talk about how we misinterpret each other, how we react in ways that with a little wisdom, we don’t react that way. We can we can have more love. I’m thinking of writing a book which is called, Let Them Be. Let them just let them be. Now you would think letting someone be themselves if they’re not if you’re not getting what you want, I’m a speak for women.
John Gray [00:09:30]:
Just let him be a guy. And first of all, learn what it is to be a guy. I don’t want your help. Don’t get the advice. And, you know, if you want something from me, ask. Don’t expect me to know. And so it’s just let him let him be a a guy, but it can seem like you first have to know what does it mean when a guy is healthy. You know, that there’s there’s so many experts that will say, oh, you should always look in his eyes, and you you should always be together, and you should never let go of that feeling of connection.
John Gray [00:10:01]:
No. Men need to feel on their own. They need to feel space. They need to feel distance. You cannot be a man and be attracted to your partner unless there’s a space that you have to cross to get there. Mhmm. You know, it it’s distance. It’s an old saying.
John Gray [00:10:18]:
Distance makes the heart grow stronger. Particularly, it replies to men. It can apply to women. Although when I’ve traveled for if I’m away from my wife too long, she does not feel happy with me.
Lora Cheadle [00:10:30]:
Right.
John Gray [00:10:32]:
When I go away, I’m I’m ready to come back. I miss you so much. I wanna come back. See, that’s the the the attraction increases when there is distance. And part of the practicality of that is you might call this polarity. It’s not just distance, but it’s when she’s more feminine and I’m more masculine. It’s like the positive and negative pull of a magnet. They attract each other.
John Gray [00:10:52]:
And, you know, at at 73, for example, I have great sex. I mean, it’s just it’s better than it’s ever been in my life, but it’s not like when I was a younger man. And I like to put out this distinction because we’re talking to people maybe over 50 years old. Mhmm. Hormones change, you know. Women’s estrogen levels after she’s gone through menopause do not go as high. When a woman’s estrogen goes up, we men have a little thing in our nose, little flap that smells that and it raises our testosterone up and it creates attraction. So, you know, part of all romance, which is selecting certain times where a man does certain things that will help raise a woman’s estrogen.
John Gray [00:11:32]:
When her estrogen goes up, then he can begin to feel his love and his attraction for her more. It’s hard for women to for men to be attractive attracted to their partners when their wife has a list of complaints why she loves him but can’t love him because he has to change. That’s sort of a a little loop we get in, which is, oh, I love him, but, you know, only if he would do this and this, then I could really love him. Well, it’s it’s like, love is allowing what is. And but you can’t continue to allow what is until you understand that I can still get what I need. And so the whole thing is we need each other for certain things. And primarily, you know, I summarize in my book what women need on an emotional level. You know, once a woman can support herself to a great degree and has maturity, does it need a guy to guide her in life or anything? You know, you you got your life together.
John Gray [00:12:24]:
That’s great. Well, what do you need now? Why do you need a man in your life? Well, it turns out this is Maslow, hundred years ago, talked about the hierarchy of needs. Right. When your survival is taken care of, you’re you have security. What happens? You another need emerges. And what that need is is the need for emotional validation, emotional support. And men have no training on how to give that emotional support, and women have no training on how to get a man to give you that emotional support. Mhmm.
John Gray [00:12:57]:
The thought is, well, he did it in the beginning. Why did he stop? And then we have another biological reason for that, which is in the beginning of relationships, there’s some sex involved, romantic feelings are there, and you’re new and different. And when there’s new and different and sex involved, there’s a huge amount of dopamine that gets produced. I don’t have to spend much time talking about dopamine. People know there’s a excitement, it’s pleasure, it’s motivation, it’s reward. So, you know, when there there that newness of a relationship comes about, automatically, you get this. It’s like a drug, dopamine. And when dopamine goes really high, that’s what drugs, cocaine will do or ADD drugs they give the kids.
John Gray [00:13:37]:
It raises the dopamine. So temporarily, while that dopamine is up, it has a hormonal effect on men and women. It raises a man’s testosterone very high. It raises a woman’s estrogen very high. And in that dynamic of, more estrogen and hurt more testosterone in him, that’s the magnetic polarity. So there’s a lot of attraction and he just wants to get in there. He wants to get close. Those magnets wanna come together.
John Gray [00:14:06]:
And then once they’re together, then it kinda stops. He needs to pull back away and then that attraction will increase. He pulls in again. And while he pulls away, women say, well, what am I supposed to do when he’s ignoring me or he’s there? Go do something that makes you happy. Something else other than him, he can’t be the source of everything. You’re the right. This is you gotta find your many places to find your biological happiness. It’s not all dependent on a man.
John Gray [00:14:35]:
I I remember one time giving a talk to a bunch of, I I will have to say, unhappy women. And it was, you know, you can see you got a group of people who don’t like men. Somehow I end up there. And, and I said, you know, one of the greatest secrets is to learn how to be happy without a man. And they all went, yes. And but that is the foundation is how to be happy then use a man to become happier. And literally, happier is a hormonal experience of your estrogen levels going to a peak place.
Lora Cheadle [00:15:08]:
Two things. First of all, I appreciate that so much that you said that because so many of the women that I work with, so many of the women listening to this show say, I don’t wanna be bitter. I have this horrible experience in my relationship. I want to use it as a catalyst to get better. I want to be happy. I don’t wanna be a bitter man hating woman for the rest of my life. I want to be better. So I really appreciate that you said that.
Lora Cheadle [00:15:35]:
Find places to make yourself better. Find ways to make yourself better better. It’s not the man’s job to do it. And when you feel better, it can make the whole relationship better. So I love that you went there on that one. And then the second thing that I wanted to say is I’m sure a question that is in some of the listeners’ minds is, well, if it’s all about estrogen and testosterone, why can’t we just go get supplements? Why can’t he just get testosterone pellets and I just use more estrogen cream? Won’t that solve all of our problems?
John Gray [00:16:10]:
You know, some people tell me it has solved a lot of problems. If you get just the right balance at the right time of the month, it might help. Okay. So but you haven’t learned how to generate it yourself. And there’s a lot of failures when it comes to that. Alright? But I won’t discount it prescribe the right amount of testosterone, estrogen, and so forth. I was just talking to a one of my friends. I’m in the whole field of holistic health.
John Gray [00:16:40]:
And he says, oh, I’ve saved so many marriages by giving men, the testosterone injections and whatever. And they get a boost in testosterone, and they feel fantastic. We don’t know the long term effect of that. Okay? So, you know, you go to your doctor, he gives you some boost, the man’s gonna feel really, really good. You don’t know down the line what goes on in the relationship. What I know is that when a woman feels that it’s her that raises a man’s testosterone, her estrogen will go higher. And the beginning, you could be fooled. He’s taking something to raise his testosterone up.
John Gray [00:17:16]:
And you you without you knowing that he’s doing that, you think you’re doing it. So a lot of it is imagination can have a big effect on our hormones without a doubt. We actually we imagine our partner doesn’t love us. That’s what really crashes our hormones. So interpretation and so forth. But over time, what I know to be the case is making love and sexual attraction, and it’s all about energy. It’s an energy of her feminine energy just awakens my masculine energy. My masculine energy increases her estrogen energy.
John Gray [00:17:47]:
And that’s the whole point of it is that we have that polarity. Not that it has to be all the time, you know. And my wife’s working. She’s in a different space. But part of having romantic skills is my assisting her and finding her female side again. Yeah. I never minimize any woman who wants to be produce a strong masculine side. And and that’s what happens.
John Gray [00:18:08]:
There’s some research showing that, you know, when women live alone, that, all of these good qualities develop in terms of creative intelligence, solving problems, motivation, goal orientation, but they don’t show that her stress levels go down. What what we see is that, what she’s doing is when she’s living alone, she’s becoming self sufficient, which is a good thing. But then that then leads to being independent and and being on your own. When you feel that you’re on your own, your estrogen levels will go down. When you feel self sufficient, that means go out and make your life good. That’s good. You’re women who live alone, they they have time without catering to man’s needs to do things for themselves. But at a certain point, once you get to that place of I’m self sufficient, I can make myself happy.
John Gray [00:19:00]:
If you don’t have intimacy, at least I’ll say for many women, you’re not gonna be happy. Right. It’s like, if I’m I I’ve never used this example. Let’s see if it comes out. It just popped in my mind. But if I’m a guy and I wanna make money, I’m gonna make a lot of money. That’s gonna make me happy. I can make money on my own.
John Gray [00:19:19]:
I’ve got a job. I can do that. But at a certain point when I made enough money, I’m empty. I’m alone. I need love. I need a woman’s love. If I’m heterosexual, I need a woman’s love. Right.
John Gray [00:19:31]:
And I can’t live without it. And this is what happens with men is, you know, we we know many of the women who are listening, their husbands have cheated. It’s something was in the marriage and the relationship where his need to feel loved wasn’t there. And it’s easy to go find a new person that stimulates massive dopamine, which raises his testosterone because his relationship isn’t raising his testosterone. And Yes. And and and just a little added, and it’s inevitable without this new knowledge of how to provide emotional support to women and how to motivate men and educate men how to provide that emotional support for her. Her estrogen levels are not gonna go up in his presence. That’s called familiarity.
John Gray [00:20:15]:
Now every I mean, this is a simple the simple picture of romance and relationships and sexual attraction. Newness is the big dopamine stimulator. His testosterone goes up, and if she feels safe, her estrogen levels go up. Now that newness will go away. That’s called familiarity. We want that familiar this is my wife. I’m comfortable. I don’t have to impress her.
John Gray [00:20:36]:
She didn’t have to put on makeup for me. You know, we’re just we love each other. That’s the comfort level. But what the comfort level is for a man and a woman is typically then you’re for a man, his testosterone goes down and her estrogen levels go down because you don’t have the skills to keep them up when you’re living with a partner. And one of those skills is how and what I’m teaching people is what those skills are without having to have a new partner. The new partner will stimulate the hormones and then there’s the attraction. For a man, that newness goes away, but he can he can go online and suddenly his testosterone will shoot up because it’s new and it’s different and it’s a fantasy. See, fantasy is a big dopamine stimulator.
John Gray [00:21:19]:
You don’t really know that, and it’s destructive to a relationship. It’s very sad, if men don’t have education that they’re losing their life force by using sex without love. When you just have sex online, it feels really, really good. You get a surge of testosterone, but it crashes down again. And now it’s like any drug. You know, cocaine makes you feel really good then you crash down and you have to have cocaine. You have to have that new stimulation for a man to get his his testosterone up. He loses his aliveness.
John Gray [00:21:51]:
For women, there’s a lot of things that stimulate estrogen. But one of the things that ironically, anything that’s emotional, anytime you have emotion, love, happiness, joy, enthusiasm, that produces estrogen. Also, sadness, disappointment, frustration, anger, angst, all any emotion produces estrogen. So women can go complain. You can go complain to your therapist, complain to your friends. And while you’re complaining, your your emotions are coming up. You will increase your estrogen, but they don’t come right back down. Yeah.
John Gray [00:22:25]:
This the thing about complaining, like, it’s like a man going doing his porn to get a surge of testosterone and the woman who’s always telling stories about how bad she feels and whatever. And I’m not against women sharing. I just think that we have to, you know, learn how to share our pain in a way that produces estrogen from sharing negative emotion and then the positive emotion. Mhmm. Emotion is key. If you’re just sharing emotion to get attention and affection and feel like a victim, while you’re doing that, your estrogen goes up and it come right back down because you’re not you’re not coming back to your authentic self. See, negative emotion is authentic self, but love, forgiveness, happiness, joy, trust, these are all parts of our authentic self. And so women are not trained and and Norman.
John Gray [00:23:14]:
But in how to when you’re feeling negative emotions to move those emotions back to what it is you’re really wanting and then feel gratitude and feel happy for what you do have. Yeah. You can think about how do we find happiness in an in an imperfect world? How can you be happy in an imperfect relationship? There’s no perfect relationship. Nobody’s perfect. You know? If you have these hopeful expectations and whatever and and one day your partner is exactly that. Another day they’re having a bad day and they’re not that. So how do we weather that? Well, one picture of that is and and I I saw marriage. I’ll tell you how I came to this realization.
John Gray [00:23:54]:
And they’re all my experiences are from counseling people and not reading books, but counseling people in my own marriage. And I was we were doing hugs. And one day, I was practicing hugs. We do four hugs a day no matter what. Always. And I initiate them. That’s another biohack. It raises our estrogen if I pursue a hug.
John Gray [00:24:12]:
If and it’s just six to eight seconds is scientifically proven to raise the hormones, nonsexual hugs. And so I initiate it. I’m providing something for her, and she enjoys it. And over time, I learned to really enjoy it, so I miss it if I’m not getting those giving those hugs. But I’m giving this hug one day and she’s kinda like grumpy and I went and gave her a hug and eight eight to ten second hug and I just held my arms around her. Oh, let me give you a hug, honey. And I gave her a hug. And she’s always open to hugs, but she said and after that, this is what she told me.
John Gray [00:24:42]:
She said, you know, in the beginning of the hug, I didn’t wanna hug you because I was frustrated because you forgot this and you forgot that. But then I started to I, like, took a breath and I realized I’m forgetting all the good things you do for me. I feel better. Now she told me that and I reflected on, yeah. I was given the hug and you were like a stone and you took a breath and then you relax and you were soft and that felt really good. So she told me the internal dialogue that went on and I really learned from that and that when women are, stressed Mhmm. They reflect on what’s not working. K.
John Gray [00:25:16]:
So and this is also a biological thing. If you produce stress hormones, your brain has a bias to look at what’s wrong. You know, if you’re in danger, you have to go, what’s the problem? What’s the problem? So her brain was sort of holding on to he didn’t do this, he forgot this, forgot that. But as the hormones began to change and they’ve proven to change, a nonsexual eight second hug has been proven to raise oxytocin to relax her body so she can then begin to think about the good things I can depend on him for, and that raises the estrogen. So it was just swim. Then I started remembering all the nice things you did, you do for me. And that’s that’s how you find happiness is you’re able to acknowledge the negative and then acknowledge the positive and that neutralizes it as opposed to just focusing over and over on the negative. But your brain, particularly women, women are known for ruminating.
John Gray [00:26:08]:
This is very common. Women will go over and over and over. What men do typically is they forget everything. You know, there’s research showing that
Lora Cheadle [00:26:15]:
Partmentalize. Yeah.
John Gray [00:26:17]:
Yeah. We compartmentalize it. Okay. I’m just gonna leave that and just watch TV or do my hobby or I’m not afraid to get it. It’s it’s something hard for men to understand when there’s been infidelity on his part why she can’t let it go. There’s just he doesn’t have the empathy or compassion to go, hey. We just let it go. Why can’t you let it go? Because he could put that oh, some men many men can.
John Gray [00:26:40]:
But there are some men who will say more on their female side and they will grip on and they will hold on forever. I’ve seen that, but it’s not the most common thing. And the solution for a man who’s gripping on is different than a woman gripping on. The solution for a man is to strengthen his masculinity. His masculinity has just been destroyed by that. And until he finds his masculinity again, producing more male hormones, learning how to do that, he’s gonna be stuck forever. She will get stuck forever if she doesn’t know how to reflect on the emotions. It has happened many, many times going from the feelings of hurt, to sad, to being afraid, to mistrusting, to doubting.
John Gray [00:27:18]:
These are all emotions that come up. And you explore those emotions and you write them out or you do therapy, but even writing is better. Yes. Also, counselor, all my clients, I help them do this. They think I’m a miracle worker. And I say, you know, I won’t continue counseling you forever. Every week, they have to send me, to have me as a counselor. They have to write out this feeling letter technique, and I read it.
John Gray [00:27:41]:
And I I have to stay on top of it. I’m not here just to, you know, fix your problems every time. Yeah. I need you. You know, I’m here to teach you how to do it for yourself. Okay? So then for women, emotions, being able to talk about your emotions and feelings is an art. Learning how to go from I’m frustrated about something to what am I disappointed about? Say, I’m angry about something, but I feel hurt and then I feel sad. You gotta turn your hurt into feeling sad and and and afraid.
John Gray [00:28:09]:
And so what am I afraid of? And then the big one that you can get stuck in anger, sadness, and fear, if you can’t also get to regret. And the best thing to get to regret is how I contributed to the problem. What’s my role in this? Not that I easy to regret I married the wrong guy. Okay. How’s that gonna help? But it’s to realize, oh, I realized in that situation, I was part of the problem. And I’m mainly looking at women here because women do give more. They they care more about relationships. They buy the relationship books.
John Gray [00:28:43]:
They’ve tried everything. And it’s much easier for me to get men to feel regret because men kinda I’m very logical with men. I said, well, don’t you see you didn’t do this, you didn’t do this, you didn’t do this. You thought you were doing the right thing, but it’s the wrong thing. So men get very logical with it and they can let it go. But women have to feel the emotions and feel heard and understood. And then the but the deepest one is the feeling of I’m sorry or I feel ashamed or I feel regret. I feel guilty because what did I do to contribute to this problem? So that’s sort of the completes the loop.
John Gray [00:29:14]:
And unless you can, you know, see that you’re part of the problem, it’s very hard to forgive somebody else.
Lora Cheadle [00:29:20]:
Yeah. What I love about this loop, as you were talking about this, stories are going through my mind. You know how you said it’s you speak to things that you’ve experienced or that you’ve worked with other clients. So many of the men that I work with cheat as a way to save their own relationship, which makes no sense to the women. They’re like
John Gray [00:29:43]:
The woman. Right.
Lora Cheadle [00:29:44]:
Yeah. And the men are like, no. It’s this weird way of trying to make myself better so I can stay in this relationship because I do love you. And you can just see this whole cycle as you’re talking about this. They’re not feeling happy. They’re not they need this dopamine hit. It goes beyond just porn. It goes into an affair.
Lora Cheadle [00:30:05]:
They think this is making me bigger and stronger and now I can be in this marriage. And most of the men want to stay in their marriage. Most of the women want to be wanted, but then the woman gets more and more negative and more and more hurt and they just get further and further apart. And what you’re talking about, which I love, is skills that will work that will a skills.
John Gray [00:30:38]:
These Skills. It takes skills to get through this stuff. You know, some people in other cultures that they didn’t teach skills and still were learning skills. They feel that once you’re hurt, you’ll be hurt forever. You know, I mean, this is just, oh, you can’t love again. You can’t love again. And yes, you can love again. We all are loving, but we have to rebuild particularly for a woman and man has cheated.
John Gray [00:30:57]:
She has to rebuild her trust. And a big part of it in rebuilding trust is trusting him, but it’s more also about trusting yourself. Oh, yeah. I I thought he would always she’s shocked because she I can’t even imagine him doing that if she’s the type of woman who would never do that. See a lot of women there are women who cheat, but there’s some women who don’t cheat. And they’re the ones who hurt the most because they’re in shock. How could you how could you be turned on to somebody else? Because I’m not turned on to anybody and I’m only turned on when you when you do nice things for me. And so and then that’s because I love you.
John Gray [00:31:32]:
Well, if you could be turned on by another woman even act that out. It’s shocking to me. And do I mean nothing to you? Am I not special to you? And, you know, on a on another note to help men understand is that one of the biggest benefits of marriage or being in a committed relationship is that as a man, I get more out of that because I’m gonna give her something that she can’t get from anybody else except her children, but it’s in a different way. She gets to feel special. Mhmm. When you feel special, when somebody does something for you, it feels so good for women because it’s romantic. Okay? It’s it’s like and and there is a hurdle for women to go over as I talk about all my my biohacks that help raise her estrogen. If a woman if a man does something for a woman and she doesn’t have to ask and he just does it, oh my gosh.
John Gray [00:32:22]:
That just means he loves her so much. Yeah. That then becomes this huge hurdle. If she has to ask, then she goes, well, I had to ask. You know, he should just do it. He should just automatically do it. And that is not reality. Mhmm.
John Gray [00:32:38]:
Reality and a bigger estrogen producer, once you get to realize that it’s just not real. Men don’t wear a mask, something on their head, telling them all, what do women need? What do I do so I can do it automatically? And some women say, well, he did in the beginning. And that’s because in the beginning, he had this huge dopamine hit. So he’s, like, motivated. He was horny. He was wanting to what can I do? How do I do this? You know. And then once the new the newness is gone, he doesn’t get that free fuel. His testosterone levels aren’t gonna just automatically go up in your presence unless he knows how to do things for her that will raise her estrogen and that will raise his testosterone.
John Gray [00:33:16]:
So sometimes I don’t wanna do something for my wife, but in my mind, I go, let me do it right away for her. She’ll be happy, testosterone. See, if once because we’re all, particularly as men, as we get older, testosterone levels drop and Right. And they drop the most in married men, by the way. There’s studies showing that at every time, married men, by the way. There’s studies showing that at every age group now these are and this is good for people to know. Yeah. Every every age group, men’s testosterone levels go down one or 2%.
John Gray [00:33:50]:
K. This is this is the the studied. Now that’s not the way it has to be. I’m 73. My estrogen my testosterone is what is it? It’s 50% higher. It’s 50% higher than when I was a young man and it was tested. Oh, wow. Oh, it doesn’t have to go down.
John Gray [00:34:09]:
My testosterone is not going down. My libido is greater than ever was, particularly because I have a little bit of extra time because I got my life managed now. And and, you know, I’m not doing eight hours a day working with somebody else. I have more time for me and I have more time for my marriage and my relationship. So it it can go up for men if you have the knowledge of the ways men lose testosterone and the women their estrogen levels don’t go higher as she gets older because there’s a biological thing. When she runs out of eggs, the estrogen doesn’t come from her ovaries, but it can come from her adrenal gland. And it won’t ever go as high. It doesn’t have to go as high.
John Gray [00:34:47]:
It just has to go up in his presence. And that’s and have the right balance between her estrogen levels and her testosterone levels. So for the menopausal women, big women beyond menopause, you’ll never have for most women, you’ll never get close to the estrogen levels you had before. However, if you keep that in balance with your male side, it’s you have great sex. I mean, I have women in their in their late seventies, at least that’s as far as I know with with my friends. That’s my age group who do understand the dynamics of romance and sex and so forth. And they have great sex. They have orgasms, they have sex regularly.
John Gray [00:35:25]:
The guys have to understand the skills for it. There’s very important skills to keep a woman’s estrogen up.
Lora Cheadle [00:35:30]:
Right.
John Gray [00:35:31]:
For, you know, it it you have to become as a man, testosterone whenever testosterone goes high in a man, you’re willing to give your life up for somebody. You’re selfless completely. Okay? It’s just this is our fireman, down in LA right now. He’s just the fireman everybody everybody loves fireman. Women love fireman. I know I learned this with my daughter when our house burned down and a fireman when it was burning down, he went back into the fire in order to save her computer. It went it was in the newspaper. This guy became a hero because he went it’s like going back in to save the baby.
John Gray [00:36:05]:
You know, my wife my daughter was crying. Oh, my computer’s in there. I’m writing a book. It’s all gonna be gone. So it’s like we love the heroes who are willing to put their, you know, their life on the line. That’s selflessness. And Right. My wife thinks I’m just the most selfless person and I’m balanced.
John Gray [00:36:23]:
I say, look, honey. I know I’m so selfless too. And I am selfless. I I do for her what everything I can. Right. I I tell her I’m very selfish. I I’m selfish because I know I want a happy wife and I know how to make a happy wife. I want money.
John Gray [00:36:40]:
I’ve learned how to make money. I wanna help the world and teach and write books. I’ve learned how to do that. I have a wife. What do I want there? I don’t want money. I want a happy wife, and and I wanna have lasting great sex. It’s a very important thing for longevity and health for men. Not that every man has to have that and some people can’t, but but to me, that’s what I want.
John Gray [00:37:01]:
I can produce it. I know how to do it. I can keep her estrogen levels higher. And, I know the secrets for doing it. And those same secrets, if I I the behaviors in me that can raise their estrogen are the behaviors that keep my testosterone high.
Lora Cheadle [00:37:14]:
Yeah. And it’s empowering. What you’re saying is empowering. It’s not just you’re lucky if you get a good relationship or you’re lucky lucky if you get a good partner. You gotta pick what you want and you gotta learn the skills to create what you want.
John Gray [00:37:28]:
What I know is my wife says, you know, she’s not really in the mood. Sometimes, say, okay. We don’t have to have sex. We let’s just lie in bed and cuddle. Let me hold you in my arms and tell you how much I love you. And then she will start to respond sexually and they will have makeup, not every time. But the cuddling is very important as a pattern interrupt. It’s what happens is women are, like, all the time on their male side, solving problems, fixing things, feeling we have to do more here, we don’t have enough there.
John Gray [00:37:54]:
It’s kinda like their CEO of the house or CEO of the business, whatever it is. How to get back to her female hormones to the estrogen level? The first thing she needs is oxytocin which is physical touch. Mhmm. So that’s cuddling. So, well, let’s just hang on, Ben. Just cuddle. I love you. And then you do a little cuddling.
John Gray [00:38:14]:
You do a little, connecting in that way. And what I do is I don’t get sexual at all. I I contain any sexual part of me. I just said, don’t go there, John. Don’t go there. Men can do that. Just don’t go there. Even though I might wanna have sex, I just don’t go there because that’s me wanting sex when she doesn’t want sex.
John Gray [00:38:31]:
It’s kinda disgusting. It’s the same same thing as I have to throw this in here. One of the terrible things that goes on in marriages today because of modern psychology is women are always asking men what they feel. And they’re asking men to express feeling and then he starts talking about his day and then he starts complaining about his day. And now his estrogen is going up. And after a while, in the beginning, she’s excited. I know what’s going on inside. I know it’s not me he’s upset about.
John Gray [00:38:56]:
But then it’s like, oh my god. I created a monster. He’s always complaining about work. He’s down. He feels bad. He talks about it’s such a turn off to women when men go off to their female side. Big part of of sex is a man needs to understand women need validation that they are loved, that they are special, that they are important. And he just doesn’t have that same need.
John Gray [00:39:20]:
All he needs is if she’s happy, he feels validated. But women need words and actions to validate that that she’s special. And so I have biohacks for that and how to a woman to go, how do you get your guy to do this? I wanna mention that there is this book called Beyond Mars and Venus filled with these ideas about hormones and what how a man can do this, what she can do for him. One is a simple thing. And and we’re dealing with women who’ve been hurt through Yes. But they wanna they wanna make it work. Okay. How do you make it work? Okay.
John Gray [00:39:53]:
The way you make it work, there’s a tendency that sabotage is to keep going over telling him how much he hurt you. Okay? It it it doesn’t serve you or him to keep going. Oh, he can’t hear that. But what you have to do is to realize that there’s a place where you have to hurt as you don’t see me, therefore, I can’t trust you. If you don’t see me and respect me, I can’t trust you. So you need many, many experiences of him seeing you and being there for you, which softens all the hormone, heals that hurt. So it means he has to provide a unique kind of support, which he can provide if you ask and you teach as one. Mhmm.
John Gray [00:40:32]:
But he will if you keep going over, you hurt me, therefore, I can’t open up to you. He can’t do those things. Okay? It’s it’s he’s always feeling rejected. It’s guilt, shame, rejection. He’s gonna go down. So, yes, you you do some talking in the beginning, yes, about, you know, what you feel and so forth. And then you talk to your therapist about it. You talk to your coach about it.
John Gray [00:40:51]:
If you feel you need to talk that story over and over, you do it with through writing. But once again, you don’t just stay in the pain. When it if you feel hurt, you need to feel anger. You need to feel sadness of the loss. You need to feel afraid of trusting again. And you need to feel, as I mentioned, I’m so sorry that I didn’t see it. I didn’t do it. I didn’t know, and I did this.
John Gray [00:41:12]:
I’m a part of the problem too. Right. Then that’s the four levels of healing. Then you get in touch always after that with what is it I want. So I want to be close to you. I want to love you. I want the outcome to be there. I wanna outcome to be there.
John Gray [00:41:23]:
I wanna be close again. I want our marriage to work again. And you could fully feel it because you’re feeling your negative emotions while you do that. And when you’re expressing them either on paper or to a therapist, your estrogen is going higher. Mhmm. Then feel when your estrogen goes high, then you can feel we could call esoterically your soul’s desire, what you really want. When you’re mad, I want you out of my life, you
Lora Cheadle [00:41:44]:
know. Yes. And then more regret.
John Gray [00:41:47]:
And then more regret. Exactly. So when your estrogen goes up through expressing the negative emotion, then ask what you’re wanting, and what you’re wanting comes from the soul. It’s more what what I want is to make up, to forgive, to let go. That’s my goal. I wanna feel that way. Way. I wanna make love with you again.
John Gray [00:42:02]:
How would that look? So that’s what I have women start talking about. What what is it really wanting? And how would it look? And how would it feel? Just to bring those feelings back again and then look at what you’re grateful for. Always what you want and then what you’re grateful for. You know, I was Oprah’s coach for, what, six years. And her big thing was always, you know, feeling grateful, feeling grateful. You have to feel grateful. It’s a big estrogen stimulator. Because what are you basically saying when you’re feeling grateful is you’re looking at what do I have? The support I have.
John Gray [00:42:33]:
The support I have. I’m grateful for this. I’m grateful for that. Because the biggest estrogen stimulators triggers is when you feel I depend on something and I can get it. I can depend on something and I can get it. And so to open your heart with your husband again is basically lots of exercises to keep raising your estrogen, coming back to what you want, and then recognizing, alright. I wasn’t I didn’t know what to do correctly. You didn’t know what to do correctly.
John Gray [00:42:58]:
You did what a lot of people do and they don’t know better. And you kinda really beautifully said in the beginning, which is there’s something that happens in a man, which is pretty weird from a woman’s point of view. But if you’re with a woman, a new and different woman that you don’t really love, but the newness stimulates your testosterone. And when your testosterone goes up really high, then you can feel your love. You don’t really love her, but you actually can feel love. So I just want women don’t understand that men are handicapped in our ability to feel love without a woman, without sex. It sounds so superficial. But if you think about it, a man’s sexuality is the one part of his body that he cannot control.
John Gray [00:43:42]:
He’s most sensitive there. And if you look at actually the science of a man’s erection is that his testosterone has to go up, which always will happen with a new and different woman. Testosterone goes up and then he needs to connect with a female and his estrogen goes up through her happiness to interact with him in some way. So he could be paying the woman even. She’s grateful for that or so another woman out there looking for a man. So she’s in her fantasy of estrogen going up. So suddenly, he gets to be in the situation where I’m testosterone’s up, my estrogen goes up in her presence. And now he he feels it.
John Gray [00:44:15]:
He feels just what he felt before. His heart opens and he’s not in love with her. It’s very important for women to understand. He’s in love. He’s just feeling love. It’s kinda like when I eat ice cream, it bumps my dopamine and I love ice cream. But I want a relationship with ice ice cream and nothing. But it’s something that’s making me feel grateful and appreciative and I haven’t felt that.
John Gray [00:44:36]:
It it’s life force energy. And we go to women for that. And if a woman’s estrogen levels aren’t high enough, we can’t get it. And it’s not all her fault. It’s like we need to, as men, do things to help keep her estrogen up. And she needs to also know how to communicate in a way that gets him to do the things that she needs for estrogen to go up. Yeah. So that’s the that’s the big picture.
John Gray [00:44:59]:
But now, well, I wanna cover a few hacks if that sounds like a good idea.
Lora Cheadle [00:45:03]:
Yeah. That’s exactly where I wanted to go because the understanding is one thing. But having that knowledge, having those those biohacking abilities to know, it’s not personal, but what I can do is
John Gray [00:45:15]:
Well, first of all, the number one thing to create a healthy relationship, and we will all make mistakes until you learn it. I’ve learned it. I got it down. I never talk if there’s any negative emotion inside of me. If I’m angry, I do not talk, and I have many choices to do. I can say, help me understand that better. I mean, I don’t talk about what I’m feeling. Right.
John Gray [00:45:37]:
Right. Understand that better. I can say, tell me more. What else? I stay out of this concept that men are now being taught that you should always express your feelings. You know, she talks for ten minutes, you know, well, I should get my ten minutes. No. Don’t take it. Just if she’s upset and she do you feel better now? Do you feel heard? And she says, yes.
John Gray [00:45:55]:
Then you give her a hug and you walk away and you go, I feel better because I didn’t get in an argument with her. Yes. What men don’t know is anger is not masculinity. K. Whenever you have any emotion, you’re on your female side. And if you have a negative emotion, it’s a symptom of a biological symptom of estrogen being too high and testosterone being too low. Interesting. And Simone, nobody knows that.
John Gray [00:46:20]:
Okay? But even common sense besides biology is when a man loses confidence, it’s the only what is the most masculine thing? I’m a can do guy. I got the solution, right? I’m cool, calm and collected. That’s power. I am powerful person. You can’t shake me. Right. So here I’m in my power position. I’m cool, calm, and collected.
John Gray [00:46:40]:
Now suddenly, it does whatever I’m saying doesn’t seem to be making it work. I don’t feel appreciated. I don’t feel she’s liking me. So now my testosterone is going down. My confidence, I’m losing confidence. And now I’m feeling like, what? You don’t appreciate me? Now I’m feeling hurt. I’m on my female side. I’m on an emotional side.
John Gray [00:46:56]:
Okay. And so if she’s angry, I’ll I’ll get angry back. I if she’s angry, I have a right to be angry. No. It’s stupidity. All this no. Men don’t get training. You know, historically, one of the biggest themes of being a man is that men don’t cry and they don’t get angry.
John Gray [00:47:13]:
Now, certainly in movies, I cry. I feel I’ve cry in compassion. I’ve always feel those feelings. But I know I mean, I watch watch the seven part movie and people were dying all the time. Right. I know why, you know, death. You know, the Chinese have a saying that a man should never cry unless his heart is broken. You know, life and death, big things happen.
John Gray [00:47:30]:
We’re designed to go way over to our female side because we feel powerless. When you’re powerless, your testosterone goes down, your estrogen goes up. Yes. Crying and being upset, but never, you know, get angry. Anger is such a shutdown to women. A woman’s estrogen cannot go up and it takes time to recover it. Okay? I just have to have to experience many, many times of this man not being angry, somebody I can trust again. And any any so much of the time when people don’t have these skills, women are now walking on eggshells.
John Gray [00:48:01]:
I can’t say this. I can’t say this. I can’t say this.
Lora Cheadle [00:48:03]:
Yes.
John Gray [00:48:04]:
There are things you can’t say to a man without a doubt, but it shouldn’t be all over the place. It should be a simple wisdom is if there’s something I can’t say to my partner, I can say to my friends, I can say to my therapist, I can process that and come back to what I want and don’t find forgiveness and gratitude and appreciation. That’s a power women need to find within themselves without this place where women are stuck without this knowledge of I I want more, I need more in my relationship. And I can’t get more unless my partner changes. They’ve gotta change. Right. So the primitive part of our brain uses negative emotions and complaining in order to create change. But what if you didn’t complain? What if you just let him be a man? Just let him let him be them.
John Gray [00:48:51]:
Don’t try to change him in any way. Well, if you did that, and your mind will go, well, if I did that, I’ll never get what I want. You know? I want someone to take me on a date, be affectionate, listen to my feelings, be kind and considerate, you know, raise my estrogen, do these biohacks. Well, if I just let him be himself, how’s he ever gonna do that? He needs to learn. So complaining does not teach. Punishing does not teach. Shaming does not teach. Although, primitive brain, that’s how it works.
Lora Cheadle [00:49:17]:
Right.
John Gray [00:49:18]:
So advanced brain, if you want emotional support, you have to give emotional support. So how do you give a man what you the support he needs to give you what you need just as I have to know how to give my wife the support she needs to get the support I need. So the thing here, this is a mind wrap for women. The way you give him what he needs is stop giving him anything other than opportunities to make you happy. Mhmm. That’s what you do. You give him opportunities. And the only way you give him opportunities is to let him know what would be important to you.
John Gray [00:49:52]:
Ask for help. Ask for help. Ask for help. A s k. If you know a s k, you know, g e t. You don’t get. And you have to ask at the right time. It’s an art.
John Gray [00:50:04]:
Okay? And for how much? If you ask for too much, you get too much annoyance. You wanna learn how to ask for the right amount that he could do without resenting. Okay? It’s just now that’s hard because you don’t know how far a man can go. So another one is the five fingers. Okay. Now we I we don’t do five fingers now because we already developed the the channel for this. But it’s, the beginning of it is for a couple and just is every day at some point in her day when he’s there, she raises five fingers, which means she’s about to make a request for him to do something that is within the realm of five minutes, and he has completed it. All he needs is five any man can stop anything if it’s just five minutes.
John Gray [00:50:48]:
I’ll do whatever you need. If it’s a once a day and it’s five minutes and and you ask for it, then she can ask for that thing knowing there’s gonna be no grumble, but the opposite of her go right away. Happy to do it. Get up off the couch. Get to this. And that’s good for me too. But see, most men don’t get up off the couch. There’s a big fire.
John Gray [00:51:06]:
But here, I know five minute I’m gonna get the same amount of points in her happiness under estrogen. If I made a hundred dot $5,000 or something, you know, just it’s the little things that make women happy. That’s what we have to understand. The basics of that is estrogen goes up. I can give her 50 roses, estrogen goes up. I give her one rose, estrogen goes up the same amount. Okay. It’s it’s it’s emotional support, not the physical support.
John Gray [00:51:29]:
It’s the emotional. So she asked me, she says, John, would you get me a glass of warm water? This is what she does at least three times a week. She gets into bed. I’m already in bed and as she’s getting into bed, she goes, oh, would you give me a glass of warm water? I I know this is my five minute window. We haven’t done it. I get out of bed. Who wants to get out of bed once you’re in bed? But happily do it because I know this is gonna raise her Esther a bit. This is what she needs.
John Gray [00:51:53]:
It’s like reassuring that she’s number one. It’s not all the time. Men do not want women telling you what to do all the time nor do women want to be telling men what to do all the time. No. You’re talking about a short thing. It’s a five minute window where she feels like this guy is always ready to be there for me. That’s a whole essence. I can depend on him.
John Gray [00:52:11]:
It’s a feeling I can depend. She’ll be watching TV. She’ll just say, oh, would you clean up the kitchen? As much as I can do in five minutes, I will do. And I’m pretty fast at it. But if I can’t, I’ll finish at five minutes and she’ll be happy. It’s good enough. It’s great. Would you make me a would you make me an orange juice? Oh, I get to cut orange.
John Gray [00:52:29]:
I put in the machine. I do it all. It’s all five minute thing and delivered to This feels so good. It’s providing for a woman particularly something she could do for herself is really big estrogen stimulator. I’m gonna do something for you that you don’t have to do for yourself And I’ll do for you. Now what that is, it takes away this, pattern in women of of feelings. I think I’m overtime. Am I overtime?
Lora Cheadle [00:52:56]:
We are overtime.
John Gray [00:52:57]:
We went way overtime with the thing. But anyway, I have a client that’s waiting for me right now, so I probably should be go.
Lora Cheadle [00:53:04]:
But that was so good. And and I love your point. Doing something that you can do for yourself, that’s extra special.
John Gray [00:53:10]:
That’s extra special. That’s it. I got this idea with opening the car door thing. I think when we can open the car door, my wife said to me, John, I can open the car door. And I came up with the phrase, and it just came out of me. Honey, you do so much for me and everybody. Let me do everything for you tonight. Do you see how romantic that is? The afternoon is dimming.
John Gray [00:53:28]:
It’s doing little things. And for women, they they when they’re on their male side too much, it’s like a snowball that it gets bigger and bigger and bigger. If I have to, I have to, I have to. And just as we caught a pattern interrupt allows the snowball to stop and the momentum is gone and she’s able to start coming back to the other part of her. And this is what happens. And this is you you know, I love the work that you’re doing helping men and women understand that we’re all flawed. We make mistakes. Okay.
John Gray [00:53:55]:
And we wanna find forgiveness to open our hearts again. We wanna let go of the past. But the way we let go of the past is to start filling in the holes in the present. And these are the ways we can just build up the hormone as long as we have the intention that we wanna find forgiveness and create the relationship. So that was a relationship that did wasn’t working for him, wasn’t working for her. Now let’s create something of what we both want.
Lora Cheadle [00:54:18]:
Yeah. Wonderful. Wonderful tools, wonderful And as usual, always remember to flaunt exactly who you are because who you are is always more than enough.
Lora Cheadle [00:54:47]:
Tune in next time to flaunt. Find your sparkle, and create a life you love after infidelity or betrayal with Lora Cheadle every Wednesday at 7AM and 7PM Eastern Standard Time on syndicated DreamVision seven radio network. Uncover the truth of what’s possible for you on the other side of betrayal and develop the skills and strategies necessary to embrace the future and flourish today. Download your free betrayal recovery toolkit at betrayalrecoveryguide.com.