Feeling lost after infidelity? In this powerful episode, betrayal recovery coach and attorney Lora Cheadle outlines a five-step roadmap to help women move from chaos to clarity after partner betrayal. Lora breaks down exactly why traditional healing methods often fail and shows you how to rebuild your life—your way. Learn to create a personalized healing plan that actually works, reclaim your identity, and ignite a future filled with joy, purpose, and power.

Top Takeaways:

• Sort Your Stuff: Betrayal isn’t one wound—it’s many. Categorize your pain to stop feeling “broken” and start healing strategically.
• Personalized Recovery Plan: One-size-fits-all programs don’t work. You need a custom plan based on your unique history, values, and goals.
• Plan Your Work & Work Your Plan: Accountability and emotional preparedness are key—healing isn’t linear, and derailments are normal.
• Reclaim What Was Lost: Infidelity often follows years of self-betrayal. Reconnect to your joy, power, and purpose.
• Fuel Your Future: Apply what you’ve learned and practiced so you can live fully, speak boldly, and trust yourself again.

This is the third episode in a 4-part series on betrayal recovery—be sure to subscribe so you don’t miss Part 4!

 

Download your FREE Betrayal Recovery Guide now: betrayalrecoveryguide.com

Subscribe, Rate & Review: If this episode spoke to you, share it with a friend and leave a review—it helps other women find the support they need!

 

About Lora:

Lora Cheadle is a betrayal recovery coach, attorney, and TEDx speaker who helps women heal from betrayal on an energetic, emotional, and ancestral level—while also providing legal guidance to help them navigate the practical complexities of infidelity and relationship transitions. She empowers women to rise from the ashes, reclaim their identity and self-worth, break free from repeating patterns, and step into their power with confidence, clarity, and grace.

After being shattered by her husband’s fifteen years of infidelity, Lora knows firsthand what it takes to transform devastation into an invitation for healing, freedom, and joy. Her unique approach blends deep emotional healing with tangible legal and life strategies, guiding women beyond betrayal into lives of unapologetic confidence and purpose.

As the founder of Life Choreography Coaching & Advocacy, Lora provides comprehensive legal, emotional, intellectual, and spiritual support on demand. She believes that infidelity doesn’t have to be the end of the dream you poured your heart and soul into—it can be the beginning of a life filled with sovereignty, connection, and joy.

Licensed to practice law in California and Colorado, Lora is also a trauma-aware coach, clinical hypnotherapist, somatic attachment therapist, and advanced integrated energy practitioner. She is certified in yoga, mindfulness, group fitness, and personal training, bringing a holistic perspective to healing.

She is the author of FLAUNT! Drop Your Cover and Reveal Your Smart, Sexy, & Spiritual Self (an International Book Awards Finalist and Tattered Cover Bestseller) and It’s Not Burnout, It’s Betrayal: 5 Tools to FUEL UP & Thrive. She also hosts the podcast FLAUNT! Create a Life You Love After Infidelity and Betrayal.

Based in Colorado, Lora is an adventure-seeker who loves travel, a great book, and saying yes to life’s magic.

 

 

 

 

Betrayal Recovery Tool Kit

Find Relief, Reclaim Yourself, and Rewrite Your Story

Download your Betrayal Recovery Roadmap & Tool Kit at www.BetrayalRecoveryGuide.com and start reclaiming yourself and your life today!

 

 

Let’s connect! Share your thoughts or questions from this episode with Lora at loracheadle.com. New episodes every week.

Subscribe, like, share, and join Lora Cheadle on your journey to reclaim your sparkle and create a life you love.

 

✨ Special Offers from Our Sponsors! ✨

 

Thank you to BetterHelp for sponsoring this podcast! Take charge of your mental health and get 10% off your first month of therapy at https://BetterHelp.com/FLAUNT

 

Are you ready to Rise, Reclaim, and Reign as the Queen of Your Life? Infidelity may have shaken your world, but it does not define you. You are powerful. You are worthy. And you are more than capable of creating a future filled with confidence, clarity, and joy.

I’m here to walk beside you, giving you the perspective, permission, and proven tools to transform betrayal into your greatest awakening. Whether through one-on-one coaching or my on-demand Affair Recovery Programs, you’ll gain the guidance and support to untangle yourself from the past, reclaim your power, and step boldly into your next chapter.

Your transformation starts now! Learn more at www.AffairRecoveryForWomen.com and visit www.LoraCheadle.com for even more resources and inspiration.

 

 

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• International Book Award, Finalist Motivational Self-Help, 2021
• Tattered Cover Bestseller, 2019

Have you spent your life playing by the rules, only to realize those rules weren’t made for you? What if you could break free—from expectations, from betrayal, from the roles you were taught to play—and reclaim your true self?

FLAUNT! is your guide to stripping away societal conditioning, healing from the heartbreak of betrayal, and rediscovering the fierce, confident woman you were born to be. With humor, wisdom, and powerful, actionable steps, Lora Cheadle empowers you to rise above the narratives that have confined you and boldly choreograph a life that is smart, sexy, spiritual, and uniquely your own.

It’s time to stop living for others and start living for you.

Buy Now on Amazon, or wherever books are sold.

 

 

It’s Not Burnout, It’s Betrayal: 5 Tools to FUEL UP & Thrive 

Burnout isn’t just exhaustion—it’s a betrayal of your time, energy, and trust. This essential guide redefines burnout, exposing its hidden roots and equipping individuals, teams, and leaders with five powerful tools to reclaim their passion, purpose, and well-being.

If you’re ready to break free from burnout and step into a life of clarity, confidence, and fulfillment, this book is your roadmap.

Available now on Amazon. Download your free guide, BURNOUT UNCOVERED: Fostering Candid Conversations for Teams at www.ItsNotBurnoutItsBetrayal.com.

 

 

 

 

Transcript

 

Lora Cheadle [00:00:01]:
You’re listening to Flaunt, find your sparkle and create a life you love after infidelity or betrayal, a podcast for women who’ve been betrayed by their intimate partner and want to turn their devastation into an invitation to reclaim them selves and their worth. Tune in weekly so you can start making sense of it all and learn how to be okay on the inside no matter what goes on on the outside. Download your free betrayal recovery toolkit at betrayalrecoveryguide.com.

Speaker B [00:00:35]:
If you would like to go from total chaos to clarity after finding out about your partner’s infidelity, then you are in the right place. Today, I am going to give you a five step road map for healing that will help you to move from that state of absolute chaos and feeling broken and not knowing who you are or what’s going on into a sense of clarity. So you can figure out what you want, who you are, and you can feel confident that what you are doing is the right thing to do. As an overview, these five steps, the five steps of the road map are first, sorting your stuff, which is my signature process. Number two, creating a personalized betrayal recovery plan, which is actually a step that gets missed all the time, creating the plan. Step three is planning your work and then working your plan, which includes accountability and figuring out what you need to do and when because it is so possible to get things, put in the wrong order. And then to be like, oh my god. Nothing is working.

Speaker B [00:01:53]:
Well, it’s because you did the wrong order. Step four, going back to before the betrayal and reclaiming yourself, your identity, everything that was let go of along the way. And then the fifth and final step is how to fuel forward, fuel your future, and to move into the kind of next chapter that you want, that you deserve. Because you might know this. I am an attorney, and I’m all about justice. And I firmly believe that you deserve justice after betrayal. And however far down you have gone, you deserve to rise that high. So if you’re anything like me and we’re in the depths of despair, I really feel like you deserve to reclaim yourself, and that the best way to do that, the best way to create that sense of justice is to transform into something that is so much higher, so much better than you ever had before.

Speaker B [00:03:10]:
And that’s what these steps are going to help you do. So welcome. I’m glad you’re here. I’m sorry that you’re here, but I also know that betrayal is the greatest catalyst and that it is because of this pain that you are going to launch into the best possible version of who you are and to the best possible future that you can imagine. And that is my mission to get you into that complete place of complete transformation because you deserve more than just healing. Okay. So let’s start from the top. The first thing to do, the first step in the betrayal recovery road map is to sort your stuff.

Speaker B [00:04:04]:
And you might be like, wait. What? Okay. Tell me if this sounds familiar. You get betrayed, and then you can’t get over it. And then it brings up all of this other stuff. Suddenly, you feel fat and old and ugly and stupid and inept and this and that. That’s because the wound of betrayal is not just the wound of betrayal. The wound of betrayal is about identity.

Speaker B [00:04:33]:
It’s about self worth. It’s about your past. It’s about everything that you thought your marriage was. It’s about who you thought your partner was. It’s about friends and family and who you thought they were and how you thought they would show up for you. It’s about the future. You’ve lost your past. You’ve lost your future.

Speaker B [00:04:52]:
You’ve lost your sense of self. You’ve lost, like, your identity. You have lost so much. One of the things I like to say is that betrayal uncovers the truth. And not only about your partner and who they are, but most importantly about you and who you are and who you thought you were and about all of the things that now, you need to start figuring out about yourself once again. And the reason you’re not healing, the reason you feel broken, the reason that you’re saying to yourself, I just can’t get over this. Why am I not getting over this? It’s because it’s not one thing to get over. If it were one thing to get over, sure, it would be easy.

Speaker B [00:05:43]:
This is not one thing to get over. This is a lot of things to get over. And that’s what I’m talking about when I talk about sorting your stuff. I want you to take a piece of paper, and I want you to draw a bunch of bif different buckets. You can be fancy and you can draw buckets, or you can just be like, dunk, dunk, dunk, and draw three little lines and create a bucket. And on all of those buckets, I want you to write down all of the injuries that you had. Identity, self esteem, self worth, sensuality, sexuality, my view of myself as a woman, my view of myself as a mom, my future as a married woman with an intact family, my past as all of these things. Write down all of the different injuries.

Speaker B [00:06:37]:
It’s an injury because suddenly I see my husband as an addict, a bad person, somebody with no integrity. Write down all of these different strands, all of these different categories of the ways that you were injured. Because when you have these categorized and sorted, then it’s easy to start seeing, oh, I’m not broken. It’s just that there are 15 different categories of injury here. It’s not that I can’t get over it. I got over this, and I’m working on that, but I still have this, this, and this. It helps categorize your brain, your emotions to realize what it is you’re getting over. So step one in the road map, it’s sorting your stuff.

Speaker B [00:07:32]:
It’s identifying what are the different injuries. Think about if you got run over by a car, and then you’re saying, I’m just not getting over being run over by a car. Okay. Well, let’s talk about that. There’s the emotional fear of seeing the car coming at you. There’s the shock that the driver is not stopping. There is this, like, internalized belief. Why didn’t they see me? What did I do wrong? What could I have done differently? How can I play this through? Then there’s the road rash.

Speaker B [00:08:04]:
Then there’s the soft tissue injury, then there’s the broken bones, then there’s this, then there’s that. No. You’re not just getting over getting hit by a car because it’s emotional. It’s physical. It might even be spiritual. Why did God let this happen? What did I do wrong? What could I have done differently? That’s how betrayal is. We talk about it as one thing. Oh, I was betrayed.

Speaker B [00:08:29]:
But that’s like saying I was hit by a bus. It’s so much more than that. And that’s why step one is sort your stuff. Another analogy, because I love analogies. It’s like when have you ever cleaned out your closet? Oh my gosh. When you take everything out of your closet and you throw it in a huge pile, and suddenly you’re like, woah. How did all of this fit in there? How did all of this fit in there? There’s no possible way I’m gonna get this back in. And then you realize there’s more than you thought, and it gets overwhelming.

Speaker B [00:09:09]:
And not only is there more than you thought, but then you realize it’s gonna be harder and longer to put back together. And then you also realize too, before I put all this back together, this is a dusty mess in here, and I have to clean, and I have to vacuum, and I have to dust. And, oh my gosh, maybe I have to repaint too. There’s a lot going on when you really clean out your closet. And that’s what’s going on here too. You’re just overwhelmed because you’re seeing all of the stuff that is there. And what’s the best way to clean out your closet? It’s to start sorting it. Here’s the belts.

Speaker B [00:09:48]:
Here’s the shoes. Here’s the sweatpants. Here’s the blazers. That’s the very first thing you need to do with betrayal recovery too. Clean out the emotional closet. Dump it all out there. Sort it in categories. Realize it’s not one injury, bam, betrayal.

Speaker B [00:10:07]:
It’s like getting hit by a bus. It’s a lot of injuries, a lot of different levels. No shame. This is just a way to give you clarity. This is designed to make you feel better that you’re, quote, not getting over it or ashamed that why am I so broken? Because this is everything. This is your past. This is your present. This is your future.

Speaker B [00:10:32]:
This is your version of yourself as a woman. This is huge. This is getting hit by a bus or a car. It’s not just betrayal. So as I’m going to say several times today, if you need help with this, that’s what I’m here for. That’s my job. This is what I do, is I help you break it down. I help you get clarity, and I help you figure out where you’re stuck, where you’re blocked, and how to move through it.

Speaker B [00:11:05]:
So if you need help, let me know. Now after step one, sort your stuff, step two is create a personalized recovery plan. And you might be scratching your head and thinking, but I just sorted my stuff. What’s different between sorting your stuff and creating a personalized recovery plan? And I’m gonna say, I’m so glad you asked. First, notice that it’s a personalized recovery plan. No two people are the same. No two people are the same. There’s some great programs out there that work if they fit for your situation, but you’re probably different.

Speaker B [00:11:48]:
Your relationship is probably different. The reason your partner cheated is probably different. Your economic, political, familial, everything is probably different. So why would you think somebody else’s betrayal recovery plan would work? It might, and it might not. Here’s why I am big on personalized recovery plans. Two reasons. Number one, strategy. We need to do things in the right order.

Speaker B [00:12:23]:
The right order makes a big difference. Some recipes, it doesn’t matter. You can just stick everything in a bowl and whip it all together and poof, it comes out perfectly. But most recipes are not like that. Most recipes, you cannot put in all the ingredients for the cake and for the frosting and for everything and stick it all together and expect it to work. You have to do things in the right order. You can’t bake the flour and the sugar first and then take it out of the oven and then stir it together with the eggs. You have to do things in the right order.

Speaker B [00:13:01]:
So many people that I work with have tried to recover, and that’s one of the questions that I ask on my intake form. What have you tried? Oftentimes, it’s not that the thing that they tried was wrong, it’s that that it was put in in the wrong order. An example of that, when so many people learn about betrayal, they think a counselor or a therapist will fix it, and they reach out to a marriage counselor or a therapist because marriage counselors fix marriages. Right? No. If you if you’re one of those people who doesn’t know what’s going on within you, how can you share what’s going on within you to your partner? Let me walk you through this. If you’ve asked your partner, why did you do this? What were you thinking? And they’re like, I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t know.

Speaker B [00:14:06]:
And inside you’re thinking, are you stupid? Are you lying to me? How can you not know what you were thinking? How can you not know this? What I wanna say to you is chances are they don’t know because they haven’t self reflected because they’re not there yet, and they’re not capable of figuring it out. So waltzing into a couple’s therapist or a marriage counselor and having the counselor then say to them, what were you thinking? What were you doing? Probably isn’t going to help because the answer is, I don’t know, Because they haven’t done the individual work first. Typically, you have to do the individual work first, so you can do the couple’s work, so you can answer your partner’s question. What were you thinking? Well, you gotta figure that out on yourself. What was broken in you? They gotta figure that out for themselves. Similarly, with you, there are probably parts of in you that you don’t know, that you don’t understand, that you haven’t figured out yet. You need to do your work. Your partner needs to do their work.

Speaker B [00:15:27]:
Then you can come together with a professional to help bring that all together. This is what I’m talking about when I talk about doing things in the right order. Here’s another biggie. So many people rush to forgiveness. I’ve gotta learn about forgiveness. I’ve gotta figure out how to forgive. No. That is the last step.

Speaker B [00:15:48]:
That is not the first step. Do you know how many people I talk to that say, I just can’t forgive this? Well, no. You’re not supposed to because you haven’t done step a, b, c, d, e, f, g, h, I, j, k, l, m, n, o, p first. Forgiveness is step z. If you think about forgiving first, if you think that’s where you need to begin, you’re setting yourself up for failure, and you will fail because that’s not the right order. Forgiveness is not where to start. It’s where you end. So creating a personalized betrayal recovery plan is about figuring out all of those pieces.

Speaker B [00:16:31]:
You’ve sorted, so you’ve got the buckets. So now you know this is the individual. This is the family. This is the couples. This is the childhood trauma. This is the overcoming past domestic abuse or sexual abuse. This is, like, this is figuring out those buckets, looking at those buckets, and creating a personalized plan, a plan that is personalized to you, to your situation that will be in the right order so you don’t waste time, so you don’t waste money. Recovering from betrayal is expensive.

Speaker B [00:17:08]:
Getting a divorce is incredibly expensive. Did you know the average divorce is 10 to 15,000 for each party? That’s a lot of money. Don’t waste money. Don’t waste time. Spend the money. Spend the time creating a personalized recovery plan first before you launch into doing things that might not give you the biggest bang for your buck. The other thing that I wanna talk about, because I said there were two reasons why I was really passionate about creating a recovery plan first. The first is because of the right order and the right strategy.

Speaker B [00:17:46]:
But the second thing is there are different domains of healing. Healing is not just healing with little sparkles around it. I healed. What does that even mean? That’s another question I ask on my intake form. What does it even mean to heal? I healed. Going back to being hit by the bus, what healed? Your arm, your road rash, your internal injuries, your psyche, your fear, what has healed and what does healing mean? Because often it’s not just the physical wound that healed. It’s so much deeper than that. In the betrayal trauma space, yeah, there’s the betrayal trauma, but there’s the legal aspect of things.

Speaker B [00:18:36]:
There’s the emotional aspect of things. There’s the physical aspect of things. There’s the mental aspect of things, and there’s the spiritual aspect of things. How do you heal the trauma that’s locked in your body? How do you use somatic processing to identify those feelings and figure out what they’re trying to say to you and to move and breathe and let them flow? How do you heal on an ancestral or a soul level? How do you tackle those soul contracts? How do you untangle whether it’s like twin flames or soulmates? How do you figure out the whole spirituality of this? How do you get back to trusting God, trusting the universe after such a big breach? Intellectually, how do you create and understand the narrative of what happened for you, what happened for your partner, what happened for you as individuals as well as what happened for you as a couple and as a family. How do you heal legally? How do you get what you’re entitled to? How do you set up marital contracts to protect yourself in the future? How do you best advocate for yourself in the event of a divorce or a separation? How do you do all of this? How do you do the emotional healing? Healing is huge. Just like in step one where I was saying, I was betrayed, how it’s really so much more. It’s like saying, I was hit by a bus. Same thing with healing.

Speaker B [00:20:15]:
What do you mean I was healed? Legally, emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually? How? So that’s the other reason I am really passionate about setting up a personalized betrayal recovery plan in which areas and in which order. Order matters. You don’t wanna go to therapy and get retraumatized because your past sexual abuse or your college boyfriend who cheated on you, all of a sudden that’s coming up and retraumatizing you, and it makes things worse. Knowing yourself, knowing what you need, knowing how you have been injured helps you create your betrayal recovery plan and also knowing what healing means to you. We all have different standards. This is about you. And then once again, if you’re unsure what healing looks like, if you don’t know what order, if you’re getting confused and overwhelmed and you’re like, I don’t know the modalities and somebody said EMDR, but it doesn’t really work, let’s talk. Let’s figure it out.

Speaker B [00:21:31]:
Let’s try some things. Let’s build a personal plan together so ultimately, you save time, you save money, you save energy, and you get the results that you desire. Now moving on to step three in the roadmap from chaos to clarity. This step is plan your work and work your plan. And just like with step two, you might be like, we keep talking about the plan, and now we’re talking about the plan again. Why do we keep talking about the plan, and why are we breaking down the plan and all these different steps? Because they’re very different steps, and a lot of people miss that. K. Step one, we sorted.

Speaker B [00:22:12]:
It’s like cleaning out your closet. The belts, the shoes, the pants, the skirts, all of that stuff, we’ve sorted. Step two, we figured out the order. What do we need to put in first? What do we need to put in second? What do we need to put in third? We might need to paint the walls. We might need to dust and vacuum first before we put the clothing in. If you put in all the clothing and then paint the walls afterwards, it’s not gonna work. So that’s step two. That’s the order.

Speaker B [00:22:42]:
Step three is different. It’s planning your work and working your plan. It’s planning how you are going to do the work. How are you going to paint the proverbial closet? When are you going to do it? How long are you going to let the paint dry? Are you going to single coat or double coat? It’s about planning the work. When you have sorted and you’ve got all these buckets, some of the buckets you’re gonna be like, easy peasy. I’m gonna do this. I know exactly what to do to get through that. Other buckets you’re gonna look at, you’re gonna be like, I don’t know.

Speaker B [00:23:22]:
I don’t know how I’m gonna get through that. I don’t know how long that’s gonna take, and I don’t know what it means. But this is why it’s important to plan your work and to be realistic about it. You can’t look at those buckets and be like, I will deal with my childhood abuse on Monday. And then on Tuesday, I am going to figure out, my will. And on Wednesday, I’m going to meet an a different attorney, and I’m gonna draft a legal contract, that’s going to protect me in the event that he cheats again. And then on Friday, like, what is realistic? How do you plan your work? When you think about painting, we need a drop cloth. We need to go to the store and we need to get paint.

Speaker B [00:24:06]:
We need to select the color. We need to stir the paint. We need to figure out, are we cutting in first or are we rolling first and then cutting in second? Do I need what kind of paintbrushes do I need? What kind of rollers do I need? Do I need to take down the rods in the closet, or can I reach around behind them? Do I need to unscrew different hardware? Do I need masking tape to mask things off? This is planning the work. You don’t just whip open any can of paint and randomly start painting. You have to prepare your workspace. Same thing with recovering from infidelity. You’ve got the buckets. You’ve got the plan.

Speaker B [00:24:42]:
Now let’s plan how we’re gonna do that work. Do I need a coach? Do I need a therapist? Do I need to set time out of my day? Do I need a new calendar system? Do I need what do I need? Can I use my HSA, my health savings account? Do I need all these different things? This is about planning what you’re gonna do and then how long you’re going to do it for. And that’s a big one. One of the things that I say a lot is you cannot think your way out of trauma. You have to feel your way out of trauma. I wish we could think our way out of trauma. I wish we could just break it down and write it down and be like, check, check, check, check, check, but that’s not how it works. We feel our way through trauma.

Speaker B [00:25:37]:
We go through highs. We go through lows. We go through feeling empowered. We go through feeling awful. We have to feel our way through trauma. Yes. Some of the healing, it could be a check mark. You can check mark through a divorce.

Speaker B [00:25:53]:
You can check mark through, I need to figure out this contract. I need to figure out trial support. I need to figure out maintenance. There are certain things you can check, check, check, but you have to feel your way through. It’s one here’s another story. I hate to even give a percentage. A lot of my clients stay together with their partners, but there are many that get divorced as well. I’d say maybe a fourth end up getting divorced.

Speaker B [00:26:27]:
And they feel good, and they feel confident about it. And it’s for the right reasons. And they don’t have regrets. They know they’ve done everything. And they feel confident and clear, and then they get divorced, and then they’re rocked emotionally. And they’re always like, why am I so rocked emotionally? Did I make a mistake? When you have the plan, you can look through everything. You can see your thinking, and you’re like, no. I didn’t make a mistake.

Speaker B [00:26:51]:
But this is one of those things you still have to feel the feelings. The feelings will come even when it’s the right decision. The feelings will come because you’re human and because we have emotions and we have to feel our way through the feelings. So this is part of planning your work. If you’re going to give your partner an ultimatum, if you are going to separate temporarily, if you’re going to divorce permanently plan for emotional upheaval. Anniversaries, whether it’s a wedding anniversary or the anniversary of D Day plan. There will be an emotional upheaval on those times. I promise you.

Speaker B [00:27:38]:
I can help you see those pitfalls. I can help you plan for them, but plan. We’re only blindsided when we don’t look ahead and plan. So this is why this is a different step. We have to plan for the emotions. We have to plan for the derailment. We have to plan for the emotional upheaval. And then we work our plan.

Speaker B [00:28:05]:
Whether you, like, love alarms on your phone and you set an alarm on your phone every day to give yourself thirty minutes of work time or processing time, or whether you send yourself calendar invites with, like, go listen to this podcast, go read a chapter of Lora’s book, go talk to your spouse. Whether you plan on your own or whether you need somebody to keep you accountable, like a coach, like a counselor, like a friend, like your partner. How do you keep yourself accountable in moving forward? Because the truth of the matter is life gets in the way all the time. There will always be bills to pay. There will always be somebody who is sick or needy. There will always be a celebration. There will always be exhaustion. There will always be a dog that pukes on the floor.

Speaker B [00:28:56]:
There will always be a car accident. There will always be, whatever it is, political upheaval. You name it. There will always be something that derails you. So how are you going to stay accountable to work your plan? Because as we know, it is all too easy to just let things go, to think I’ll deal with it next time, to sweep something under the rug, and that you deserve more. I mean, that is not fair to you. Now is your chance. Now your life has been disrupted.

Speaker B [00:29:39]:
Stay with the disruption and create something glorious. Some of you might know this, but I’ve taught fitness since 1988. Yes. I totally love teaching, but the big reason that I teach is accountability. When I have a class waiting for me, I show up and I go to the gym and I work out. When I don’t have a class waiting for me, I love working out. I know I feel better working out. And yet still, I will be like, oh, I’m just gonna get these emails done.

Speaker B [00:30:14]:
Oh, I’m just gonna go play with the dog. Oh, I’m just gonna scroll on social media. And I don’t get it done. It’s not about willpower. It’s not about me being a failure. It’s that I’m a human and so are you. And accountability is hard. It just is.

Speaker B [00:30:35]:
So I set up structures for myself. So even if nothing else happens, I teach three days a week. I will get in three workouts a week because I teach because I set that up for myself. Same thing, like, with appointments. If I have an appointment, I’ve paid, I’ve connected, I’ve committed, I will show up. But it’s so easy to be like, nope. I’m just gonna go read for fun. Nope.

Speaker B [00:31:02]:
I’m just gonna not gonna do that. I need that external accountability. I know that about myself. What do you know about yourself? Yes. We’re all internally motivated on certain things, and we’re all externally motivated on certain things. This is a big one. Do not let yourself down. How can you commit to healing? How can you commit to working your plan even when it’s ugly and you’re uncomfortable, and you’re like, I don’t want to think about this.

Speaker B [00:31:39]:
How can you stay accountable? A big thing around accountability too, I think a lot of you know I am a clinical hypnotherapist. And hypnotherapy is great because it reaches the subconscious portion of the mind. The subconscious portion of the mind is where those subconscious blocks live. Those blocks that create self sabotage, that create limiting beliefs, that create resistance. Spoiler alert, you will feel resistance. Spoiler alert, you will not feel like doing this work. Spoiler alert, there will be so many times when you’re gonna be like, forget it. I don’t wanna do it.

Speaker B [00:32:23]:
How do you show up for yourself even when it’s difficult? How do you figure out what those subconscious blocks are? How do you push through resistance? How do you stop self sabotaging? This is what step three is about. You’ve planned your work, and now you’re working your plan. And who are you going to get for help? And what kind of help are you going to get? This goes back to step two when I talk about the personalized approach. When I coach people, there are so many options. I send weekly emails to some people. I have weekly sessions with some people. I have monthly sessions with some people. I have daily Voxer contact with people.

Speaker B [00:33:13]:
Different people need different levels of accountability. And that’s that back and forth. When people are having a hard time, I can ask, what kind of accountability is going to help? Do you need a daily message? Do you need an email? Do you need to be left alone for a week or two to process? And then we pick that back up. It’s that back and forth accountability that helps you work your plan. Now before we move into step four, which is reclaiming what was lost before, and step five, moving into your future, I want to invite you to download the betrayal recovery guide. The betrayal recovery guide is free. You go to betrayalrecoveryguide.com. Very easy.

Speaker B [00:34:05]:
Put in your email, and you can instantly download the guide. This guide is brilliant because it gives you tools. Tools that you can use right now every day that’s going to help you knock down and combat some of these pain points. There’s a guided meditation, a journal prompt, somatic processing, which is using the body. There’s a whole lot of information and tools. It’s tools. It’s very tool driven for you to use, and it’s brand new. So if you have my old one, you will definitely want to redownload this one.

Speaker B [00:34:50]:
I created this because I know how it feels. It feels like the ground’s been ripped out from under you. You can’t eat. You can’t sleep. Your mind is spinning. Thoughts like, how could you do this to me? Who am I? Am I ever gonna get over it? That’s why I created this guide. It’s to give you a clear path forward. It’s to give you easily accessible tools, tools that I wish I would have had going through this.

Speaker B [00:35:26]:
Meditation journal, somatic processing, all of the good ones. So if you are done letting their actions define your story, then go on over betrayalrecoveryguide.com. Download your betrayal recovery guide and start feeling better today, right now. So you can create your own roadmap. These are the tools that will give you that peace and that nervous system regulation. So you can create the plan that we are talking about today. Okay. So now let’s move on to step four.

Speaker B [00:36:10]:
As a refresher, step one was creating those buckets and sorting out the different buckets. Step two was creating a personalized betrayal recovery plan where things are in the right sync and order. Step three is planning your work and working your plan, planning out the time, getting the accountability. Step four is reclaiming what was lost before the betrayal. And you might be thinking, what? Okay. Infidelity doesn’t just, poof, happen out of the blue. There’s a lot of things that go on that lead up to the infidelity. And one of those things, it happened to me, it has happened to pretty much every woman I think that I have coached, is we slowly let go of ourselves.

Speaker B [00:37:03]:
We become wives. We become moms. We get busy, and we change. We prioritize everybody else first. We kinda get a little self sacrificial, a little bit martyred because we’re the one carrying the emotional labor. We’re the ones carrying the emotional load. We’re the ones pulling everything together at our own expense. We let go of some of that joy, some of our fullness, and we just let life kind of crush our spirit.

Speaker B [00:37:41]:
We don’t rock the boat. We zip it. We just kinda let that disappointment and bitterness creep in. And I’m not saying there aren’t times where it is better just to bite our tongue and move on because it really doesn’t matter. But after a lifetime of biting our tongue, it shuts our soul down, and we get sucked dry. And that’s what I’m talking about in step four. It’s really reclaiming all of that. It’s it’s about self betrayal.

Speaker B [00:38:20]:
It’s about the ways we betrayed ourselves along the way, and it’s about coming back home to ourselves at our joy and our values and our desires. And it’s about claiming what we deserve. Not just like in our head, but really, really claiming what we deserve. It’s about sovereignty. It’s about global womanhood. I mean, I’m not gonna lie. It’s about what are we creating for everybody. My coaching program, one of my coaching programs, is called Rise and Reign.

Speaker B [00:38:56]:
And the reason I chose that is because I felt like so many betrayal recovery programs talking about rising from the ashes and rising up. Yes. Let’s rise up. But what are we gonna do once we’ve risen up? Are we gonna slowly let ourselves get crushed again? No. We are going to reign. We are going to reign sovereign as divine queens of our own lives. In our benevolence, in our passion, women will save the world. I’m telling you, we would take care of others.

Speaker B [00:39:28]:
We create. We are sustainable. We are glorious. We have that empathy. We have we see the beauty. We create. This is about all of that. I mean, this is macro and micro.

Speaker B [00:39:45]:
This is how do we set our sisters free? How do we stand in our power? And this is that fourth step. It’s realizing that this was not only done for our benefit, but this this happened for the goodness of all humankind. This is what sets women free. It’s not a coincidence that mostly women get betrayed. It’s because this is our power source, And we are using this as a catalyst to say no more, and to learn how to speak our truths, and to learn how to set boundaries. This is about reclaiming our power and our passion, not only for our own good and for the good of our families and our children, but for the good of everyone. This is about coming home to your true self, And this is what really gets me excited. If you’re like, yeah.

Speaker B [00:40:52]:
I feel that. I’m not quite ready for that, but I feel that, and I want that so badly for myself, for my daughters, for my sisters, for the world. Hang on to that feeling. Grab a copy of my first book called Flaunt. Drop your cover and reveal your smart, sexy, and spiritual self because that book has a lot of prompts and a lot of questions that’ll help you hang on to this energy. I also have a TEDx called uncovering bias in gender and women’s sexuality. And even though the audio on that is terrible video is pretty terrible, but the audio is just not great. The message is there.

Speaker B [00:41:36]:
The message will have you standing strong and flaunting everything that you are, and it will help you truly do this to create the kind of world that you desire for yourself and for others. And that is the gift of betrayal right there, my friend. Right there. And then the last step in the road map that’ll take you from feelings of chaos into clarity is fueling your future, fueling forward, creating this next chapter. And there’s a few things that I wanna say about that. This is about application. When we talk about healing, and like I say, the betrayal recovery guide has tools, how often do you, do any of us learn a bunch of tools, but then we don’t know how to apply the tools? Or we get all excited about the tools, but then we never stick with it because we don’t apply them consistently enough and they don’t become us. I mean, I learned French in high school.

Speaker B [00:42:45]:
Do you think I speak French? No. Because I don’t apply what I learned consistently daily. How many times have you read amazing books and gotten excited, but then suddenly, it’s three months later and you’re back to doing the same old things you’ve always done? You’re not alone. But this last step is about application. One of the things so many of us work on is trusting our intuition, developing our intuition, boundaries, self advocacy. So when I work with people, we talk about all that. We work on boundaries. I role play with you how to set a boundary, what to say.

Speaker B [00:43:31]:
I role play with you how to advocate on behalf of yourself, how to say hard things in a way where you still look kind and will still be perceived as kind and where you still feel strong and not, like, selfish and weird. Like, we role play these things. So they become you. So it’s not just I read about boundaries, and I read about advocacy, and I read about all these things, and now I’m in a fight with my partner, and I’m coming unhinged, and I don’t know what to say. We practice it. We practice it so it becomes second nature. We practice it in context. You can fail with me.

Speaker B [00:44:15]:
It’s all good. That’s where change takes place. That is about moving and fueling your future. That’s about becoming who you want to be, not just doing it in your head. Not just doing it in your heart and thinking, I really, really want this. But this is the where the rubber meets the road. And even though I have this as step five, because that’s where it belongs, it’s one of those things that we do along the way. Because like so much of this work, it’s a process.

Speaker B [00:44:52]:
So we’re talking about boundaries. We’re talking about advocacy. We’re talking about whatever. Okay. So we’re talking about that. You get these little practices along the way. How do I create a boundary around my own healing time? How do I create a boundary around time that I wanna set aside to work out? How do I create a boundary around? How do I advocate when I’m talking to a therapist with my husband and this is coming up and I’m feeling flooded? When I really need to reach out to my partner and he really needs to separate, how do I advocate without getting triggered? These are things we do along the way. And then as we sort, as we get a healing plan, as we move through this, you’ve had little little chunks of practice.

Speaker B [00:45:40]:
And then you’ve reclaimed yourself, and now it’s like, Anne, how do I live fully now? How do I live from this fully enlightened, enlivened, healed place? How do I stay in joy? How do I stay living on purpose? That’s what this is all about. So this this this this is the road map. This is the road map that will move you from chaos to clarity. It’s a lot of information here. Doing these steps, it’s not like a check the box, move from one to the other, and have it all done in an hour. Sort your stuff. That can take a month. That can take a week.

Speaker B [00:46:30]:
Let me know if you’re stuck. Step two, create a personalized betrayal recovery plan. Make sure you’re doing it in the right order. Step three, plan your work. Prepare for upset. Prepare for emotional upheaval. And then work your plan. Get the accountability that you need.

Speaker B [00:46:53]:
Step four. Reclaim what was lost. Go back. Reclaim your identity. Move into the fullest version of who you were and who you were designed to be. And then step five, application, application, application. Fuel your future. Move forward as the person you know that you want to be claiming those desires, claiming your power.

Speaker B [00:47:28]:
Like I’ve said before, reach out, not if you need help, when you need help. I think that’s one of those flaws, and I’m putting flaws in air quote, of womanhood. We think we can do it ourselves. We live in community. Relationship is important. Go to your wise elders. Go to your smart big sister. Go to the people who have been there before.

Speaker B [00:47:53]:
Go to the people who are trauma informed. Go to the people who are open, who will hold space for you and get the help that you need. Save time, save money, save heartbreak, save pain, and save yourself. I’m here. I’m here for anything, whether it’s the accountability piece, whether it’s the planning piece, whether it’s the healing and self sabotage piece, whether it’s the reclaiming your identity, or whether it’s figuring out how to apply all of these things that you have learned. Download your betrayal recovery guide at betrayalrecoveryguide.com. Reach out. I’m here.

Speaker B [00:48:47]:
And as usual, always remember to flaunt exactly who you are because who you are is always more than enough. This podcast is sponsored by BetterHelp. Have you been struggling lately? Relationship issues impact every area of your life. When I found out about my husband’s infidelity, I was so devastated. I could barely function. Sleeping was impossible because I couldn’t shut off my brain. Eating was a challenge because I felt nauseous all the time. And for the first month or so, everything felt pointless.

Speaker B [00:49:22]:
Whether you’re having trouble sleeping, feeling hopeless, or just can’t focus, BetterHelp is here to help you. BetterHelp offers licensed therapists who are trained to listen and help. You can talk to your therapist in a private online environment at your convenience. There’s a broad range of expertise in Better Help’s twenty thousand plus therapist network that gives you access to help that might not be available in your area. Just fill out a questionnaire to help assess your specific needs, and then you’ll be matched with a therapist in under twenty four hours. Then you can schedule secure video and phone sessions. Plus, you can exchange unlimited messages, and everything you share is completely confidential. I know that confidentiality was important for me, especially early on when I couldn’t even get my own mind wrapped around what was happening.

Speaker B [00:50:14]:
And it was so comforting to be able to speak with someone candidly about everything I was going through, to validate that what I was feeling and experiencing was completely normal. You can request a new therapist at no additional charge anytime. Join the 2,000,000 plus people who have taken charge of their mental health with an experienced BetterHelp therapist. Special offer to flaunt, create a life you love after infidelity and betrayal listeners. You get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/flaunt. That’s betterhelp, h e l p, Com / flaunt, f l a u n t. Thanks again to BetterHelp for sponsoring this podcast.

Lora Cheadle [00:51:15]:
Tune in next time to Flaunt, find your sparkle and create a life you love after infidelity or betrayal with Lora Cheadle every Wednesday at 7AM and 7PM Eastern Standard Time on syndicated DreamVision seven radio network. Uncover the truth of what’s possible for you on the other side of betrayal and develop the skills and strategies necessary to embrace the future and flourish today. Download your free betrayal recovery toolkit at betrayalrecoveryguide.com.