From Powerless to Sovereign: Reclaiming Your Voice, Intuition, and Financial Power -With Soochen Low

Speaker A [00:00:01]:
You're listening to Flaunt: Find Your Sparkle and Create a Life You Love After Infidelity or Betrayal, a podcast for women who've been betrayed by their intimate partner and want to turn their devastation into an invitation to reclaim themselves and their worth. Tune in weekly so you can start making sense of it all and learn how to be okay on the inside, no matter what goes on on the outside. Download your free betrayal recovery toolkit at betrayalrecoveryguide.com.

Speaker B [00:00:35]:
For years, I was trapped in a false dilemma that I didn't even realize was holding me back. I was convinced that if I wanted to grow my business and make real money, I had to be loud and aggressive or salesy. I thought integrity and profitability were on opposite sides of a fence, and I had to choose one or the other. I was essentially betraying my own power just to fit into what I thought the market wanted. That all changed when I started working with Sue Chen Lo. Her upcoming book, From Servant Girl to Sovereign Queen, was the permission slip I never got. She helped me identify the root of my self-betrayal and showed me how to reclaim my sovereign power without losing my artist soul. If you're tired of having to choose between 2 unavoidable evils, don't just stay stuck.

Speaker B [00:01:23]:
Take action. Check out happypositivesuccessful.com or the link in the show notes to book a Sovereign Wealth Alignment session with Suchin. It was the exact step that helped me turn my middle path into a reality.

Speaker C [00:01:42]:
One of the things that gets lost, that gets stolen from us when we experience infidelity is our sense of sovereignty, our sense of power and control over ourselves and our lives. And part and parcel with that is this extreme financial fear. Oh my gosh, I'm suddenly on my own. I have to take care of everything. And when we are in that place of having, feeling like a victim, everything starts to implode. And then sometimes we just fix in, lock in on like logic. What makes sense? What doesn't make sense? And while as an attorney, I do believe in logic, I also believe in the power of creativity and opening ourselves up. I mean, that's, that's the name of the show, Flaunt.

Speaker C [00:02:37]:
Flaunt is about expansion. It's about joy. It's about growth. And that's what we're going to talk about today. And no matter what stage you're in, if you are new to betrayal and you're still In complete shock, just listen, let these words wash over you. And if you're a little bit further down the line, yeah, let this conversation empower and inspire you to something more. My guest is Sue Chen Lo, and I met her recently and she is pretty incredible. She is all about sovereignty, joy, healing, power.

Speaker C [00:03:23]:
And I also think most importantly, the financial aspect of things. She is about, you know what, you can make money. It's okay. It's not bad to make money. It's good to make money and you're not trapped and you're not limited. So welcome to the show, Suchin. We are going to have one heck of a conversation today.

Sue Chen Lo [00:03:44]:
Thank you, Lora. We sure are. And everything you've raised is just very close to my heart. So I'm very excited.

Speaker C [00:03:51]:
Yeah, yeah. Well, let's start by having you explain a little bit about what you do, because I know you work with entrepreneurs, but you do so much more. You've got such a heart for service, and I'd love for you to share that with our listeners.

Sue Chen Lo [00:04:05]:
Thank you. So I serve creative conscious powerhouses, well, women in particular, and they are mission and legacy powered. They're creative and they're conscious, like healers, coaches, personal transformational experts. And how I'm being of service to them is I'm a creative power business alchemist and a sovereign leadership catalyst. So what that means is that I actually help them to grow their businesses to consistent $10K months without the struggle, the people pleasing, and having to prove themselves. And what we do is we harness their creative power to build what I call the business masterpiece, or a business work of art. And this work of art allows you to still be free, to still express yourself creatively, but helps you to feel safe, grounded, and financially supported. And why are we doing all of this? Ultimately, it's for you to really own your creative power and be in sovereign leadership of your income, your life, and your destiny.

Sue Chen Lo [00:05:11]:
Yeah.

Speaker C [00:05:11]:
Let's talk a little bit more about that. That I think the intersection of sovereignty and creativity, because, you know, sometimes I think we, we tend to mask, make the power be masculine instead of feminine. And I think there's some confusion sometimes in people's hearts and people's souls. How, how can I be feminine and powerful at the same time?

Sue Chen Lo [00:05:36]:
Absolutely. So yeah, thank you for that really great question. Uh, so alongside of what I do, one of my superpowers is that I am a channel of heart wisdom, right? And the heart wisdom is really what I call the wisdom, the sovereign power of being the queen of your life, your income, and your destiny. Um, and funnily enough, as I said to you, Lora, before this interview started, it's on my 50th birthday day, just about 2 weeks ago, the calling came in for me to write my solo book this year. Um, and the title is From Servant Girl to Sovereign Queen. Um, and this book is— just to give you a sneak preview— it's going to be talking about stories. It's about rewriting your story, transform your business, and lead the world. And the stories I'll be addressing is also the universal story.

Sue Chen Lo [00:06:33]:
Because when we think about the queen, um, we all have the picture— I certainly have a picture of the evil stepmother who tries to kill Snow White, right? I don't have many references of a queen who is kind and loving and conscious.

Speaker E [00:06:50]:
Right.

Sue Chen Lo [00:06:51]:
Um, and in a way, what I want to share with people and what I will be really exploring in the book as well is that sovereign queen means that you are a authority or a— yeah, authority or ruler of your own queendom where you are led by your heart. So when you are led by your heart, immediately it bridges this, um, conflict between masculine and feminine.

Speaker C [00:07:18]:
Yes.

Sue Chen Lo [00:07:19]:
Because all of us have masculine and feminine qualities, right? It's not a gender thing, it's just, um, an energy thing. And so how do we bridge these two to say, oh, how do I be powerful but not be too masculine? The pathway is really through your heart, because when it's through your heart, you will in a way see both masculine and feminine in equanimity and almost like a neutral, balanced approach to say, well, I'm just going to rise above stories of too female or too masculine. And it's just say, well, what is aligned at this stage, right? What is aligned? what does my heart call me forward to? And when you lead from that place, the heart wisdom, it always serves you well. And I have found this certainly when I left my 10-year abusive marriage, when logic and finances and the world has just broken down, the whole world has collapsed, and really not knowing where to start, my heart was really that north star that led me through every decision. It's like, where do I live? What do I do about money? Do I start a business? Do I go back and get a job? Like, all of this is like, when you lead from the heart, the heart leads you to a place where the mind has no ability to see because the mind is struggling with the chaos, right? The chaos, the betrayal, the trauma of having just left a marriage or being betrayed. So the heart is really the pathway to really, in a way, lead you forward. Yeah.

Speaker E [00:08:58]:
Yeah.

Speaker C [00:08:59]:
And I appreciate all of that so much, both the heart wisdom and the queen, because that's what I do with my women too. How do we get back to the heart, especially when the heart has been broken, when the heart has been hurt? And I think one of the first problems or blocks that people face is, I can't trust my own heart anymore. I thought I picked this great relationship. same thing with you. None of us pick a partner thinking, oh, I'm sure they're going to abuse me or betray me or hurt me. You know what I mean? So sometimes it becomes hard to trust our own heart. And that's, that's kind of where I want to start this next question with. How, how do you trust your heart when your heart has been shattered?

Speaker E [00:09:47]:
Yeah.

Sue Chen Lo [00:09:48]:
Wow. What a great question. Um, you know, funnily enough, or not so funnily enough, when I left that marriage, obviously I've been, you know, the coach that I am, I would sort of self-reflect and go, okay, what happened? Why the hell am I here? I thought I picked the right guy.

Speaker E [00:10:04]:
Yeah.

Sue Chen Lo [00:10:04]:
Because one of the promises I made myself was I'm never gonna get married until I make sure that the person I marry would be someone I truly love. That was the promise I made myself. So you can imagine when I left this 10-year marriage and I'm sitting there all alone thinking, oh shit, I made this promise. I think I broke my promise to myself.

Speaker C [00:10:26]:
Yeah.

Sue Chen Lo [00:10:26]:
So not only was it a betrayal of the partner, but also a self-betrayal to say, Suchen, you promised we were only going to get married to the person that we felt was true love. What the hell is this, right? And so when I kind of, in a way, rewind and think about how did I get here, um, one of the pivotal moments when I first met the ex-husband, when I first met him, and it was at a dancing event, dancing for couples, I saw him and this idea or this thought just dropped in to say he is not my type and I will never end up with someone like him, right?

Speaker E [00:11:07]:
Hmm.

Sue Chen Lo [00:11:07]:
Now That was my heart speaking to me at the time very clearly, but unfortunately I was too young and certainly did not know how to honor my heart or my intuition to hear what is this thing. I just went, that was weird, right? And then, um, because the ex-husband was a narcissist, so, you know, they're very convincing and very persuasive, so I fell under spell and in a way went against what my heart saw very from the very beginning. And it took me 10 years to come to this point to agree with what my heart said. So I think when I came to this kind of, um, reconciled point to say, ah, no, my heart never let me down, I just didn't know or didn't know how to listen to it. So in a way, I found the means to forgive myself, to say, okay, well, Duchenne, it's okay. You, you didn't understand. You heard it, you heard it, but you did the best you could. And I mean, gosh, yes, so you believed in true love, and well, you got it wrong.

Sue Chen Lo [00:12:20]:
We make mistakes all the time. It's almost like the forgiveness to say, no, the heart did not betray me, right?

Speaker E [00:12:26]:
Yes.

Sue Chen Lo [00:12:26]:
And in a way Um, I didn't betray myself. I just didn't know any better. And well, hallelujah, it took me 10 years, not 20, not 30, 10 years to really discover, okay, I get it. I get why my heart said this person is not my type.

Speaker E [00:12:43]:
Mm-hmm.

Sue Chen Lo [00:12:44]:
Now I get it. Um, so I think in that space of, you know, making peace with, no, my heart didn't let me down, I didn't let myself down, I was too young to know any better. But yes, I get it now after 10 years. And because I get it, I've decided I've honored my promise to say, oh yeah, he's not my type. Okay, so we're not going to stay a single second longer. We're gonna go now, you know. So I think in that space, I almost, you know, where my pieces or the pieces could be put together. Yes.

Speaker C [00:13:16]:
Yeah. And what I appreciate that too is, you know, talking about the, the sovereign queen It's not like queens have to be perfect. None of us are perfect. It's the power. I think that is what is more powerful is realizing, oh, this is what happened and forgiving, accepting, being at peace with that and learning from that because it's not about perfection. And when we hold that up as the standard, we are going to disappoint ourselves all the time. Yeah.

Sue Chen Lo [00:13:51]:
Absolutely. And just to, you know, add on to the perfection idea, if we remember again the evil stepmother, what was she doing? She was looking in the mirror to be the most beautiful of all the worlds throughout the kingdom, and that's what she was aspiring to— perfection. And, and well, that led to her demise because she didn't end well. Um, so no, perfection is not a standard. I mean, I think, yeah, that's just not even a realistic thing. Because we all have imperfections, and it's through our imperfections that we grow. So, you know, if you're perfect, there's no room for growth. That would be really boring.

Sue Chen Lo [00:14:26]:
Um, so, so yeah, exactly right. So no, it's not perfection. It's an evolution. It is a growth and expansion.

Speaker C [00:14:34]:
Yeah. And that evolution piece, that's powerful too. You had that story where you were saying, my heart said no. Interestingly, and my listeners know this too, when I saw my husband, I was engaged to somebody else. I was not looking for a relationship. And I heard in my soul, in my heart, that's the man you're going to marry. And I thought, well, that's interesting because I'm getting married to somebody else in a year. And that was something also that stuck with me.

Speaker C [00:15:07]:
Like, Why, why was my heart saying that? Because this is my journey, because this is my path for my growth and whatever it is, whether you feel like I didn't listen to my heart and it didn't turn out, or I did listen to my heart and I, and it didn't turn out. I think the question really is, you know what I mean? So what can I do with this? And I do think the wisdom of my heart knew best. I do think this journey, as horrific as it was, was exactly the journey that I needed to find my creativity, to step back into my power, to become the sovereign queen instead of living the way I was, which was powerful. Yes, I was a lawyer. I was educated. I did that. And yet still, I wasn't fully myself.

Sue Chen Lo [00:16:01]:
Um, yeah, and I think, wow, it's just saluting you in, in your journey. That, that's so interesting that, yeah, listening— some people think, oh, if you listen to it, it would lead you to the nice place and everything will work out beautifully. And oh, oh, you know, and it's so interesting that you share with us that contrast. Yeah, because, you know, it's about growth and evolution. It's not about what's the nice place to go to? And again, the nice place that your mind comes up with isn't really aligned to your growth and your expansion. And a lot of people do ask me, do you hate your ex-husband? Um, you know, and I say no. In fact, when every time I think about him and what I've been through, I am grateful and I recognize the, the purpose of it. Because without going through those 10 years, I wouldn't be here today.

Sue Chen Lo [00:16:56]:
talking about these really deep topics that you really need to experience. Like, you know, you would never know what it feels like to be divorced, to be in a minimizing relationship, unless you've been there. And I certainly feel that even though I always thought I was a very empathic and very compassionate person, now it allows me to really connect with my clients and just people that I meet all the time with way more compassion. Because it's like, you never know the story that someone is having in the background. Like, on the surface they look like they got it all together, but you just never know what pain and what trauma they're suffering. So I think this level of compassion, because of what I've been through, really helps me to connect deeper to people. So, so yeah, I'm grateful. And obviously the wisdom, the wisdom that I've gained.

Sue Chen Lo [00:17:48]:
And the thing that wisdom has to be lived, you know. Theoretically, we know concepts, but we really have to walk every step to actually say, you know what, that was just a theory. I've been through it and I'm here to tell you that that wasn't really accurate. You know, this is the real thing.

Speaker E [00:18:05]:
Yeah.

Speaker C [00:18:05]:
Yeah.

Sue Chen Lo [00:18:05]:
So, yeah.

Speaker C [00:18:07]:
Lived experience makes a big difference. And what you said about being able to relate to people in different stages, here's my big question for you. You are a very empowered woman. You have, you have, you own yourself. You are creative. You listen to your heart. You are there. And yet it is my guess that it's not that you just came out of the womb this way and every moment was just fine.

Speaker C [00:18:33]:
That there were moments where you questioned yourselves. You have built an incredibly successful business. And yet I'm sure there were times where you thought, I don't know why I'm here, or I need to stop doing this. This was a horrible idea. And I'd love for you to talk a little bit about your journey from disempowerment to empowerment, to leaning into creativity, to leaning into the heart, and then to having those moments where you felt wounded, you felt ashamed, you felt sad, you felt like you were not enough and that you did need to prove yourself to be worthy.

Speaker E [00:19:12]:
Hmm.

Sue Chen Lo [00:19:13]:
Yes. Wow, what a, you know, great question. Deep.

Speaker E [00:19:16]:
Deep.

Sue Chen Lo [00:19:16]:
It's deep, and I could talk about that forever. Um, but yeah, I think no, I certainly did not come out of the womb like this at all, because I came out of the womb and needing to really knowing how to earn love and approval. So I'm somebody who, um, can't see my own worth and can't see how amazing I am. Um, but my ex-husband did see that and saw my creative power and financial power as, you know, a meal ticket, really. He saw me as a literal gold mine. But I didn't see that because, you know, I was always ready to prove myself and turning myself into a pretzel just to tick people's boxes. So I had that wound, and I was, um, well, then I— so I'm ready to earn love and approval, and so attracted somebody who wanted supply of love and approval. So here we go, perfect match, me and the ex-husband, right? And there we go.

Sue Chen Lo [00:20:12]:
So is that— was that a mistake? No. I mean, I attracted it. Was it my fault? Well, no, because I had that trauma and that wound of earning my love and approval. So naturally it would unfold in that way.

Speaker C [00:20:26]:
Yes.

Sue Chen Lo [00:20:27]:
So, um, so in the 10 years that I was with, um, the ex-husband, as I said, it very much always feeling not good enough, and money was the topic on the table that he said I was not contributing enough. Now logically, because I'm a very business-minded— it never made sense to me to say no. I mean, the consulting business is a 7-figure business, my coaching was 6 figures, there's plenty of money running around. I don't understand why I'm not contributing enough. So from the logic sense It just didn't make sense, right? But because we have this person in our life that we put on a pedestal, and I certainly put him on the pedestal, um, because it's like, well, if he loved me, then I would be worthy, you know? If he loved me, my world would be perfect. So when he said, you're not contributing enough, I just took it as gospel, just because we learned from a young age from our parents that we need to listen to other people, right?

Speaker E [00:21:24]:
Yes.

Sue Chen Lo [00:21:24]:
Um, and so it was always about, okay, I'm not good enough, so, oh, I'm still not enough, still not enough. So I would just find all sorts of ways to try to keep ticking those boxes. So for women out there who, um, you know, are struggling with the idea of you can't make money or whatever, I'm somebody who made lots of money and still was thinking not good enough, right? So it's really not about do you have money or not. It's about how you think about it and who— whose story you believed. And obviously I believed my, uh, the ex-husband's and not mine. Um, so I have been in a way for 10 years constantly in that, that, um, rabbit hole of feeling not good enough, trying to prove myself. And once I felt that I could come up for air a little bit, then chaos would happen because that was a tactic he used to make sure that I was always kept small, that I couldn't speak up. I was always doubting myself just so I could work really hard and keep supplying him with all of that.

Sue Chen Lo [00:22:29]:
So when I made the decision at the tail end of the 10 years to go, oh, wow, no amount of money is actually going to change this conversation. Because I landed a $20K client.

Speaker C [00:22:40]:
Yeah.

Sue Chen Lo [00:22:41]:
In the coaching world, we all know $20K is not a small amount, right? And I thought he would be excited, but he wasn't. He actually said, Oh, $20K, they're gonna pay you that much money? Uh, well, they must be crazy because I would never pay you that much.

Speaker E [00:22:54]:
Wow.

Sue Chen Lo [00:22:54]:
Uh, so, you know, I know, I know. So that hurt in all the places, but it also was a very big light bulb to say, oh, it's actually not about the money, and actually it's not about me. Um, so very liberating, but obviously a bit sad because I think if I thought that it was still me, at least I would stay in the marriage and I could still keep working on it, right? But then to realize, oh, I've done everything within my power in this marriage to really give it a good go and it hasn't worked.

Speaker B [00:23:25]:
Not enough.

Sue Chen Lo [00:23:25]:
It's not going to work. It will continue to become worse as long as I stay here. Um, so that's when the time to then— if I felt disempowered in a disempowering marriage, The time to walk out, you would kind of go, aren't you just going to go way rock bottom now? I mean, you're already at rock bottom. You're going to walk out, you're going to have nothing. Not another place to live, no money, nothing. The whole identity, your whole world is just shot to pieces. Wouldn't you be at rock bottom? But I actually found it to be a place of liberation because I thought, okay, you know what, right, going to be homeless. Okay.

Speaker E [00:24:05]:
Yeah.

Sue Chen Lo [00:24:05]:
not going to have money. Okay. And I thought, you know what, that's going to be actually better than what I'm going through now. So it was almost at that point of 10 years of disempowerment and going even lower to rise to say, okay, I'm going. And the moment I left, you know, a week later— and I shared this with you, Lora, through our coffee chat— it was like the, the universe really said to you're in the right place because a 6-figure client called me over the phone. Never in the history of the 10 years in my marriage— I always prayed to God and I said, could you just please send me the money? If you send me the money, this would be solved. And in hindsight, if, if I received the money in that marriage, no, it wouldn't have been solved. I would be trapped forever because then it would prove to me that, oh, the money will keep me safe.

Sue Chen Lo [00:24:57]:
No, it wouldn't. So when I left the marriage, that's when the 6-figure client came through, um, and that changed my company. And, you know, I reestablished my company, my finances went from red to black, and just really living on my own terms for 4 years now. And like I said, 2 weeks ago I turned 50. Now when I reflect on this 50, 50 is a milestone by any means, but I actually thought if I never made that decision to walk out 4 years ago, I don't think I would be here to see this 50. And I, I don't think I'm exaggerating, uh, just because, you know, I think I would have probably received a cancer diagnosis one day, you know, um, just because of everything I've suffered. So, so yeah, I'm just saying that, you know, and look, even recreating my company from scratch, even though it seemed like such a magical transformation, wasn't easy because I had to do the healing, you know. There were days where I would be triggered by something and I'll be so scared, my whole system would be tense, and I'll be wondering, what the hell, I'm not there anymore, why am I still so scared? Um, and then I will have to obviously do the therapy on myself and work out what the hell happened.

Sue Chen Lo [00:26:10]:
And 4 years was like that, you know. Sometimes I would wake up from a nightmare because I would just dream of the ex-husband all over again. Um, sometimes there would be— it would be raining and I would be getting scared and really hypervigilant. I'm thinking, what the hell? And it was because, um, rain was one of the spells that he cast on me. Because he said— when I first met him, I said to him, um, I don't like rain. And he said, oh really? He said, I think rain is romantic. And that was one of the spells he cast, because every time it rained, I had the story, oh, rain is romantic. when I left the marriage and it started raining, I had this like visceral tension in my body, and I'm thinking, what the hell just happened?

Speaker E [00:26:52]:
Right.

Sue Chen Lo [00:26:53]:
And it was because that spell has been broken, because no, I never believed rain was romantic. And I almost had to create a new spell for myself, so to speak, to say, no, rain is a blessing. So now every time rain comes, I will go, rain is a blessing. So I have to recondition my mind and my whole system to adopt the new story. So it's like, you know, and there will be days where getting out of bed was like sick. That was the only thing I did, and thank God I could just get out of bed. Um, so yeah, I had to coach myself through all the pain, the trauma, the healing, and slowly spend money. And yes, I didn't have much money, even though I had the 6-figure client come in.

Sue Chen Lo [00:27:33]:
Um, I had to pay rent, I had to reinvest in my business. I had lots of debts to pay. Um, so yeah, it's just lead one step at a time. And like I said earlier, it's about the queen, the heart wisdom, at every micro step to say, what do I do now? Because I was prone to panic. Because, you know, when your whole world just collapsed and nothing has been established, you just feel like every decision is just so pivotal. It's like, no, no, no, if I make the wrong step, the whole thing would collapse all over again, right?

Speaker C [00:28:08]:
Yeah.

Sue Chen Lo [00:28:08]:
Um, but the heart was really the pathway for me to just come out of all of that. Yeah. Step by step. Yeah.

Speaker C [00:28:16]:
And you, you said something, and it, it's so important, that when you're at rock bottom, we have this fear of like being at rock bottom. Oh no, I'm gonna be there. Oh no. Oh no. But you're right. That is that liberation point. That is the point that sets us free because we faced our biggest fear. And I know a lot of the women on the show here will reach out to me, whether we're coaching or in a group or just send an email.

Speaker C [00:28:42]:
And they'll be like, what if I get it wrong? And what if I'm alone for the rest of my life? And what if, and what if? And it's like, I get it. We have all been afraid for finances, relationships, you name it. And it's hard to tell people, it's okay, just face it. But so often when we do face that fear, we realize it's not as big of a fear as we thought it was.

Sue Chen Lo [00:29:11]:
Absolutely. You know, I always remind myself because, you know, I would get afraid of the teeniest things, like I said. And then I remember, oh no, no, we survived that thing. Nothing can be as bad as that. And we're still alive. We managed to walk out. So it's okay, it's okay. So I almost have to parent myself.

Speaker E [00:29:29]:
Yeah.

Sue Chen Lo [00:29:30]:
Yeah, through the triggers, because they feel real to the body, because we went through that for 10 years. So there will be a— there will be time where it slowly integrates again. Um, but yeah, I say that to people. I mean, if you think about all the things that you went through, the times you thought you died and you thought, okay, I'm not going to wake up tomorrow, that this is it. This is it. Yeah, the sun rises and you do, you do get out of bed and you still keep walking. So it's like, um, yeah, it's always on the other end. And like I said, when, when I walked out, I thought, okay, you know what, I could crack.

Sue Chen Lo [00:30:05]:
I think I'm going to crash and burn. I'm just going to leave. I'm going to crash and burn. But I didn't. I discovered I had wings, that I can actually fly. And this is so true for every woman out there. You know, I've spoken to so many women through my work Um, that you do this, you will be astounded by what women can withstand and rise from. It's just, oh, it just boggles the mind.

Sue Chen Lo [00:30:28]:
But we just, we're tough, we're tough, and we can handle anything, really, anything.

Speaker C [00:30:33]:
Oh, oh, I agree fully. And I think that's where the creativity piece comes in. It's not about always doing things by the book. It's not about proving yourself. It's about where are my gifts? What is my wisdom? What can I do next? Because you're right, women have created something out of nothing for all eternity, and it is our superpower. We are creators. We are divine creators, and we can create whatever it is that we want. And sometimes that's really hard to believe.

Sue Chen Lo [00:31:09]:
It sure is. I mean, if we take the example not that I'm minimizing the men in any way, but it's like we were gifted the, the responsibility or the privilege to give birth to new life.

Speaker E [00:31:23]:
Yes.

Sue Chen Lo [00:31:23]:
We are the only gender that has this gift, right? Um, so if we can do that, and you know, obviously I didn't have the, uh, the gift of having children go through me, but in this next stage of my life, I work with, you know, 500 weeks kids a week.

Speaker B [00:31:38]:
Yes.

Sue Chen Lo [00:31:38]:
Which is 80,000 children now. So I think as women, if we can go through childbirth and really birth a life, really, I mean, we carry that, that, that soul for that time. And, you know, like, um, people, you know, sometimes when men have just an iota of the period pain that we go through, they're like, oh my gosh, how do you guys go through this every month for X amount of years, right? because they wouldn't put up with it. And we do this through childbirth, through, through the fact that maybe we could die. There's a high risk that we could die from this thing. And then we have— we were like, no, I don't care. I don't care what the risk is. I'm still going to birth this baby.

Sue Chen Lo [00:32:20]:
I mean, all of that takes, uh, so much— is infinite amount of love and courage and resilience and everything, all the things. that I feel like if women out there are underestimating themselves or just thinking, I can't do this, that's a big fat lie. I mean, this is a huge lie. If you just think about just whatever you've done, this is not possible. It's not possible. It's just about leaning into that creative power because we are the creative source, right? We create lives. So if we are the creator, there's nothing that we can't do. But I think, as said, Lora, if we fall into the victim to say, oh, they did it to me, this happened to me, then of course you wouldn't have your power.

Sue Chen Lo [00:33:04]:
But if you realize that this is what I said, that's why I brought it back to my heart wisdom speaking to me, to say, yeah, my heart did say it to me. I wasn't a victim. I just didn't understand what it was saying. I didn't know what it meant.

Speaker E [00:33:17]:
Right.

Sue Chen Lo [00:33:18]:
But it said it to me, right? So therefore, our power is always there. Maybe we haven't recognized it, maybe we haven't claimed it, maybe we don't know how to, but that doesn't mean it doesn't exist. It's there. So it's about knowing how to or coming to terms with it to do something with it.

Speaker C [00:33:38]:
Yes. And I, I love the word underestimate because you're right, so many women underestimate themselves. And also, and this does sound stereotypical, but I hear this a lot. Well, I can create around the home, I can create around the family, I can create like a supplemental income, but sometimes just that mental hook for people. You, if you can create your little part-time supplemental income, you can create truly millions. You can create a very successful business. And just sometimes making that leap between creating something small and creating something big. I think sometimes that's difficult for people too, because I don't want to feel selfish because I am a giver.

Sue Chen Lo [00:34:24]:
Right.

Speaker C [00:34:25]:
And I would just love your thoughts on, on that empowerment, that queen level, that money is not bad. Creating great finances creates great power. And like you were talking about the youth that you serve, it's my guess that you have the ability to serve that many youth because you are financially well off and you're not trying to work 3 and 4 jobs just to get by.

Sue Chen Lo [00:34:55]:
Yeah, no, definitely. I think money and women— I mean, money and really humans— we've had this long-standing story. Um, but what I want to speak to, it was probably one of the stories that I will speak to in the book that I'm writing, is this idea about women being the giver or the supporter, right? Yes. I think before we went into— I think it was the Industrial Revolution, and then men became providers and all of that. I mean, we as queens, we were warriors. We were like leaders of like civilizations. We were fighting, right? We were skilled in all the arts. We were hunters and gatherers as well, and we were, we were nurturers as well.

Sue Chen Lo [00:35:36]:
We did it all, right?

Speaker C [00:35:38]:
Yes.

Sue Chen Lo [00:35:38]:
But something happened through this whole evolution of the humans, um, and then the, the men just thought, well, something happened and the men rose. and then women became this, uh, supporter role. Uh, now I'm not saying there's anything wrong with that, but I think we need to recognize that what happened if we were leaders and warriors at one stage, then why did we stop? When did we stop? Um, and my take on it is that there was a shift, um, and we call it the Dark Ages. There was a shift where I feel that the patriarchal leadership came into the forefront, and they needed to in a way market a story so that the women would, well, willingly become the supporters, right? Because they realized that if women continue to be in power, then where would the men be, you know? And obviously they didn't know what to do with themselves, so they had to sell the story to say, oh no, you're just good for bringing babies into the life, and you're just good for being the wives, and the men are going to be the the breadwinner and all of that, just so that we would willingly fall into that role. But that's not the truth, and it doesn't have to be your truth. It's just the truth that's been marketed to us for centuries. Um, but we have the— well, the, the, the willpower, certainly the right to actually say, you know what, okay, that worked before, but it's not going to work for my story, right? My story— I'm rewriting my story. I'm saying that I get to do it all.

Sue Chen Lo [00:37:08]:
So yeah, if I could make this income as a supplementary, how about just turn it over to the primary? I mean, money is money, right? Money is money. So, um, and it's interesting because in my story, I was always the one who, like I said, he was trying to tell me, you're not contributing enough. So it's almost like his was the primary income and mine was the supplementary. And yet I knew that he could only be the primary because I was actually, like, in a way focusing all my energies to make his the primary, right?

Speaker E [00:37:44]:
Yes.

Sue Chen Lo [00:37:44]:
Problem was he didn't want to give me credit for any of that. Obviously we know why now. But then it's like, that doesn't change the fact that it is what it is, that a woman's power, when she channels her energy, her love, and her focus to a particular area, whether it's a husband or project or business, it thrives, it flourishes, right?

Speaker C [00:38:07]:
Yes.

Sue Chen Lo [00:38:08]:
So, so if you want to match energy for dollar, dollar for energy, there it is. You have the capacity to make money. And, you know, again, money is another thing that we've also put on the pedestal because we're all made to feel bad and wrong. Because imagine if women were in power and had lots of money, oh dear, what we're going to do with them, right? So it's like, how are we going to control them? So therefore, another story, oh, money is bad, you can't have too much of it, just so that women will feel guilty and ashamed for having it and selfish so that they could stay in their little spots. Um, and I'm trying to say that energy is money, money is energy. So if you're somebody who's really loving and very giving, well, there you go.

Speaker E [00:38:53]:
Yeah.

Sue Chen Lo [00:38:53]:
that's just money. You're loving with money, giving with money. And if you're a giver, it means you're a receiver too, because a lot of women I hear say, oh, I love to give but I can't receive, as if there's something wrong with that. I'm saying it's the same energy. So if you love to give, receiving is an energy too, which means you must love to receive too, right?

Speaker E [00:39:14]:
Yes.

Sue Chen Lo [00:39:15]:
So, um, so yeah, so I think— and I always say, Mai, well, money is an amplifier of your creative power. The problem is a lot of people wait for money to tell them where to go. Oh, show me the money and then I'll do this. And I'm saying, no, no, no, you've got to say, oh money, I'm going here, so follow me, kind of thing, right? And when you move, money will show up. And I discovered that all the time from rebuilding my life from negative, really negative, and then up to where I am now. Yeah. So, yes.

Speaker C [00:39:50]:
I love that directive to move. When you move, you'll have to move. If you move in a direction and then you realize that's not exactly what I wanted, you can shift it. But that's that agency. That's the sovereignty. Just move. Just move.

Speaker B [00:40:02]:
Yeah.

Sue Chen Lo [00:40:03]:
Yeah, exactly. And I think, yeah, so for people who are in that decision paralysis to say, oh, what if I get it wrong? I always see, because of what has happened to me, I see it as a liberation because when I was in the marriage, I couldn't make my own decisions. Like, he was controlling everything, had an opinion and a judgment about everything, whether it was right or wrong. Now in my new life, if I made a mistake, I'm like, yay, I get to make this mistake. I made it and I get to own it. I don't have anybody else telling me whether it's right or wrong or whatever. So I find it liberating even in the mistakes. So okay, you, you did something not quite right, just change.

Sue Chen Lo [00:40:45]:
That's the thing, you have the liberation, the freedom to change course. When I was in the marriage again, I didn't have a liberation. If I want to change my mind, I almost was made to feel bad about it, like I was made to feel like a crazy person just because I changed my mind. Again, in your— as the sovereign queen, you get to do whatever you want. You want to change the next second, Do it. You want to change it next month? Do it.

Speaker C [00:41:09]:
Who cares?

Sue Chen Lo [00:41:10]:
I mean, you're the queen. I mean, you get to call the shots. That's the beauty of it.

Speaker E [00:41:14]:
Yes.

Speaker C [00:41:14]:
Yes. And it's not about being static. It's not about I set up my life this one way and now it's going to be the same way every single day for the rest of my life.

Sue Chen Lo [00:41:22]:
No, no, no, no, no.

Speaker C [00:41:25]:
Exactly. Now, you, you coach people. I coach people. And I thought it was really interesting to when you were talking about your journey, you were talking about all the times that you self-coached. And I really loved that because, again, I believe a queen self-coaches. Yes, we get input from other people. People need you. People need me because we can channel some of this wisdom.

Speaker C [00:41:53]:
But then it's not about becoming dependent on you or becoming dependent on me. It's learning enough But then we have to constantly self-coach. We have to constantly guide ourselves through things. And I would just love some of your thoughts about that. Like, how do you get wisdom from other people and then continuously apply it to yourself when times get hard?

Sue Chen Lo [00:42:17]:
What a great question.

Speaker E [00:42:19]:
And I love what you're saying because, and I say this to my clients all the time, that my job is to, in a way, I think help them to reclaim the powers that they already had within them, right? I'm not really teaching them anything new. I'm just helping them to kind of point to say, oh, have you looked at this? Did you know you have this? Did you know you can do this? Did you know you're this amazing, powerful person? Really, that's really what I'm doing through my methodology. Um, so, and I feel like if anybody tries to tell you that they have some secrets and they're teaching you and you, you don't have it, then I think that's a— that's— it's a lie because we all came without gifts. So we are all powerhouses in our own right. So if anybody tries to make you feel like you're dependent on them and without them you just don't know anything, that's just, um, somebody trying to in a way abuse their power over you. Um, so when we recognize that, okay, we have it within us, then I would say to my clients that my job is to make sure that after our time together, you are independent of me. Otherwise, I wouldn't have done a great job, right? Because if you're still coming back to me and going, oh, Sujan, I don't know what to do. Tell me what to do.

Speaker E [00:43:39]:
I was like, uh-oh, no, I haven't been a great coach at all.

Speaker C [00:43:42]:
Yes.

Speaker E [00:43:42]:
Um, yeah, because I'm here to help you to be sovereign. Right? So, so that, you know, you have all the tools, all the skills, and all the wisdom to know that you can keep walking your journey in your sovereignty. So therefore, for me as a coach, um, what I do is I often reflect and watch other people's experiences. I will observe. Um, and, you know, fun fact, I love, um, dramas like, um, Chinese dramas, Korean dramas, Japanese dramas.

Sue Chen Lo [00:44:13]:
Yes.

Speaker E [00:44:14]:
Just, just because I think I'm an introvert and for me, yeah, I might not seem like an introvert, but, you know, I can— I am an introvert extrovert. I can be an extrovert when I need to, but then I need to recharge after seeing people, lots of people for, for big chunks of time. So therefore, a way for me to, in a way, understand people's different situations is through these dramas, because I get to observe when I see characters. I'm going, okay, she did this and why did she pick this guy over that guy? And oh, that guy looks like a narcissist in disguise. And, you know, I'm doing all of this because I get this benefit of, in a way, reflecting on other people's experiences and then using that as a way to reflect on myself, to actually say, okay, she did this. Wow, I really love that she did that. Now, why didn't I do that when I was her age? You know, so I would do, do it like this. Because I, in a way, as a coach, I feel like you're always honing your craft.

Speaker E [00:45:12]:
Um, because to be of service to my clients, I really need to be from a position of where are they at, right?

Sue Chen Lo [00:45:20]:
Exactly.

Speaker E [00:45:21]:
And I cannot be, right, I can't be empathic and compassionate if I keep thinking that everybody should have already gotten it. Well, no, people don't get it. That's why there's a coach, right? So it's, yeah. And then instead of me imposing my ideas on people, this is my way of, in a way, being able to reflect on people's experiences without having to, say, talk to girlfriends and talk to too many people because I'm an introvert. I just can't handle all of that energy. So it's like, then if I watch it through a screen, well, then I get, you know, this, this massive tutorial, um, for different people's experiences. But yeah, I'm constantly kind of questioning myself to say, Huh, that's really inspiring. And what is it that makes their relationship work? And why didn't it work in mine? And then of course sometimes it might get me into a rabbit hole to say, oh dear, that wasn't a great decision that I made.

Speaker E [00:46:16]:
And then, you know, I grow and I rise from it. Um, and then from, from there I am able to serve my clients even better because I kind of get to say, oh, you've been there, you've done that. Yeah, me too. I've made that mistake.

Sue Chen Lo [00:46:28]:
Yeah.

Speaker E [00:46:28]:
state too. Um, and that helps them to— me to connect to them, and they feel the authenticity in what I teach because I've, I've been there. I'm not preaching, right? I'm not preaching some, some idealistic concept. Uh, I've been through it. I've been through it, and I've risen from and come up the other side. So I, I feel like, yeah, self-coaching is definitely really critical. A lot of coaches, I feel like they know what to say to you, but they're not living it. Um, and because we as women, we can feel this.

Speaker E [00:47:02]:
We feel when the vibe is off.

Speaker C [00:47:04]:
Yeah.

Speaker E [00:47:05]:
We feel like, yeah, we feel like, okay, I hear her, she sounds really professional, but something's not quite right. I don't know what it is, right? And there we go. That's listening to your heart when somebody, um, tells you something. Um, and I have to tell you a fun story, just while we're talking about it. intuition. So what happened was, I have, ever since I left my marriage, like I said, I've been so good to listen to my heart that whether it's picking, you know, do I go here, do I go there, do I stop, do I, do I just don't do anything for the day, every little thing I've learned to guide myself to trust my heart and my intuition.

Sue Chen Lo [00:47:41]:
Yes.

Speaker E [00:47:41]:
And I've done it to a fact, I think, to a point where it's almost become autopilot. That I didn't— I don't even think about it. Then the other day, I would— I was ordering a pair of shoes online, um, and, you know, I wanted it in a different color. So I thought, okay, so I looked at my old pair of shoes for the sizing, and I thought, okay, well, if I just ordered the same number, I should be good. And this voice comes and tells me, uh, why don't you call the store just to make sure that the size you're ordering is actually the right thing to order, that you're going to get the same thing? And I actually, I haven't done this for a long time, but I actually said, nah, I should be fine. I mean, it's 7.5, says 7.5 on the shoe, 7.5 on the website. I should be good, right? So I ordered it and then the shoes came and it's too small.

Sue Chen Lo [00:48:30]:
Oh.

Speaker E [00:48:30]:
And then, I know, too small. And I call the store and of course she says to me, oh, you needed to have ordered this size because this is a unisex your sex size, so you needed to order it in the men's 7.5. And I thought to myself, this is exactly what my intuition was saying to me. If I had just taken that step, listened to it, and just made the call, now the shoes would be perfect, right?

Speaker C [00:48:57]:
Yes.

Speaker E [00:48:57]:
But, but then there was a very little lesson, but to in a way remind me of, wow, my life has been so smooth and easy not because it's just lucky, but because I have been intentional to follow the intuition. And when I didn't, um, this is what happens. Now I have to return the shoes and I got to do the whole thing. And, and then another funny thing, what happened was with these shoes, I had to actually rip out the inner lining just because I've got funny feet. I've got to have extra roomy shoes. And I was just about to rip the inner lining and I heard the voice to say, Hmm. Uh, you might want to call them first before you rip this thing. And I actually listened.

Speaker C [00:49:39]:
Good.

Speaker E [00:49:40]:
Because if I had, if I had ripped it out, that means I would have wasted— I would have spent $220 and I wouldn't be able to use it. Couldn't have used it. Yeah. So there you go. I mean, this is a very small example, but almost like a reminder to say, listen to your intuition. It is not an accident. It is not a thing. It's not a funny random thing.

Speaker E [00:50:00]:
It is a real thing. It's an intentional thing that makes your life so much easier.

Sue Chen Lo [00:50:06]:
So much easier.

Speaker C [00:50:08]:
Yeah, so much easier. And same thing, you know, in the infidelity space, I listened to my heart. And even though everybody told me, you leave him, he is horrible, this is a jerk, you're done, aren't you? There was something my heart, my heart said, this story isn't done. And you know what? Do you know what I learned from staying around and staying present? Everything. And if I would have listened to the external people saying, just leave, just leave, cut them out, be done, file for divorce, I wouldn't be where I was at.

Sue Chen Lo [00:50:45]:
Mm-hmm.

Speaker C [00:50:46]:
And even though sometimes our intuition, I think, is against conventional wisdom, taking that breath and dropping in. And again, staying present. It's not that my heart told me this and now I'm going to stay present for 10 more years of abuse. It's not that. It's continuously staying present and continuously checking in with your intuition. So I really like that story.

Speaker E [00:51:12]:
I know, because when that happened, I'm like, uh-oh. Oh my gosh. Yeah. But, um, yeah. So, and as I, when I returned the shoes and all of that, I'm like, okay. This is, this is a good lesson. This is a good lesson. I'm going to earn this thing.

Speaker E [00:51:26]:
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker C [00:51:26]:
Good reminder.

Speaker E [00:51:27]:
So yeah. And I think a good sign that your intuition is talking to you when you want to, your instinct, your reaction is no, no, no. Right. You know, you've hit on something when you go, nah, no, can't be. You know, you've hit on something because it always comes in from left field. It always does.

Speaker C [00:51:46]:
It does. It does. Well, where can people learn more about you and your work and all of that good stuff?

Speaker E [00:51:56]:
Yeah, sure. So they can go to my website, www.happypositivesuccessful.com. Uh, I think just Google me, you'll find me on LinkedIn, Facebook, and all those social media channels. Um, yeah, that, that would be how they learn about me. And then obviously other podcasts that I've done and interviews. Yes.

Speaker C [00:52:13]:
Yeah, absolutely. And I'll put those in the show notes, but that was the other thing that I appreciate so much about you. Happy, positive, and successful. Because sometimes, again, talk about those beliefs. Oh, well, if you're successful, you can't be happy. Oh, well, if you know, and yes, being happy, being positive, and being successful, that's all the same thing. You don't have to work too hard. You don't have to sacrifice your health.

Speaker C [00:52:40]:
You don't have to prove yourself. You can be happy, positive, and successful.

Speaker A [00:52:45]:
No.

Speaker E [00:52:46]:
No matter what, you can have it all, have it all. And if anybody tells you differently, then you just go, you know what? I'm sure there's a way. There's a way because there's an infinite possibilities universe. So, you know, every possibility exists. It's just about finding the way to bring it in. So if anybody says no, well, I'm somebody when somebody says no, I'll go, I'll show you.

Speaker A [00:53:08]:
Exactly.

Speaker E [00:53:08]:
That's just who I am. Exactly.

Speaker C [00:53:10]:
But that's that creativity piece because you're right. All possibilities exist. So how, how do we get there? And sometimes it's not worth the cost to get there for us. And that can be a choice that we make, but knowing that still the possibility is there, the possibility is there to do just about anything, but I might not choose that. I choose something else.

Speaker E [00:53:31]:
Exactly. And that's perfectly great. That's what being a queen is about. You get to choose. Yes. And nobody can say anything because you're the queen.

Sue Chen Lo [00:53:39]:
Absolutely.

Speaker C [00:53:41]:
Well, thank you so much for this conversation, for your vulnerability, for your willingness to share, and really for your wisdom around sovereignty, around joy, around positivity, around creating money and abundance. I really appreciate it. Listeners, have an incredible week. Reach out to Sue Chen. She is just such a positive light in the world. And always, always remember to flaunt Exactly who you are, because who you are is always more than enough.

Speaker B [00:54:12]:
For years, I was trapped in a false dilemma that I didn't even realize was holding me back. I was convinced that if I wanted to grow my business and make real money, I had to be loud and aggressive or salesy. I thought integrity and profitability were on opposite sides of a fence, and I had to choose one or the other. I was essentially betraying my own power just to fit into what I thought the market wanted. That all changed when I started working with Sue Chen Lo. Her upcoming book, From Servant Girl to Sovereign Queen, was the permission slip I never got. She helped me identify the root of my self-betrayal and showed me how to reclaim my sovereign power without losing my artist soul. If you're tired of having to choose between 2 unavoidable evils, Don't just stay stuck.

Speaker B [00:54:59]:
Take action. Check out happypositivesuccessful.com or the link in the show notes to book a Sovereign Wealth Alignment session with Suchin. It was the exact step that helped me turn my middle path into a reality.

Speaker A [00:55:20]:
Tune in next time to flaunt, find your sparkle, and create a life you love after infidelity or betrayal. With Lora Cheadle, every Wednesday at 7:00 AM and 7:00 PM Eastern Standard Time on syndicated Dream Vision 7 Radio Network. Uncover the truth of what's possible for you on the other side of betrayal and develop the skills and strategies necessary to embrace the future and flourish today. Download your free betrayal recovery toolkit at betrayalrecoveryguide.com.