There’s been a lot of death around me lately. Not only the shooting in Uvalde, Texas or in the news, but around me personally as well. Not that I “like” death, but I appreciate the clarity and perspective it can bring.
If you had one month to live, how would you live? And by that, I mean, not what would you do, but how would you be?
Would you hold onto your judgments, grievances, resentment, and pain or would you lay them down, let go, and allow yourself to enjoy the time you had left?
I know it can sometimes feel like a violation of boundaries or values to let go and enjoy when someone has hurt you, but is it really? As the saying goes, could you be cutting off your nose to spite your face?
Too many of us live a life that is locked down by judgment, grievance, resentment, and pain and we don’t allow ourselves to be free, have fun and enjoy ourselves where we can. And the one we end up hurting is our self.
Here’s how that showed up for me in my affair recovery journey and what you can ask yourself when you aren’t enjoying life as much as you’d like.
The first few months after finding out about my husband’s affairs were multiple school events. Including my son’s high school graduation. I did not enjoy many of those events . Why? Because I was too traumatized, reactive, angry, and in shock. But as time wore on, I found myself continuing to not enjoy life. So again, I asked myself, why?
Often the answer would be something along the lines of:
- “Because I’m royally ticked off and I want him to see how badly he destroyed me, our family, and our lives!” or
- “How dare I give him the benefit of any fun or lightness with me! Nothing about this is okay and I don’t want him to ever think that I approve or condone any of this, ever!”
Which fueled my righteous anger, my prideful justifications, and kept me propped up (in my own mind) as “the good one” who had “quality” standards and virtues.
But before long, a different question started swirling around in my brain.
What purpose do your actions serve, Lora?
What good is being created from your response and is this course of action helping you or anyone around you?
Gulp.
When I was honest about my intentions, it was clear that the true purpose of my actions was to wound someone who had wounded me. Or to show my rightness and his wrongness. To somehow prove how bad his actions and choices were.
In truth, none of those “reasons” helped. Me or anyone. In fact, they only served to make me feel like more like a victim, more like a bitter old lady, and more like the kind of angry and hate-filled human than I didn’t want to be!
So, I decided to make it all about me. Instead of using my energy to “punish” or “show” another, I chose to do exactly what made me feel the best in every single moment. The end. Instead of doing anything I became who I wanted to be.
I wanted to be a happy, healthy, and powerful force for good in the world. And to do that, I needed to make myself happy, healthy, and empowered. Which meant letting go. Of anything that did not serve me.
What about you? If you had one month to live, how would you spend that month being?
What might you be holding on to that isn’t allowing you to be the way you want to be?
What would it be like to choose actions or behaviors that supported you in being exactly who you wanted to be? Imagine what all could be possible for you if you did!
Because that vision, is where your fresh start is born!
XXOO,
Lora
PS – If you need help in either creating the vision of how you want to feel and be, or in keeping yourself healthy and accountable for your actions, then reach out! My six-month coaching package may be exactly what you’ve been looking for! Plus, it’s on sale for only $333 a month until June 21st!
