Do you feel like you’re losing your mind after discovering your partner’s infidelity? Obsessive thoughts, emotional spirals, feeling unhinged—it’s not you being “crazy,” it’s your nervous system in trauma response. In this powerful episode, Lora Cheadle unpacks why betrayal scrambles your brain, body, and spirit—and how to ground yourself again emotionally, somatically, spiritually, and legally.
Through proven trauma recovery tools and her signature blend of deep wisdom and practical guidance, Lora shares how to interrupt obsessive thought loops, reclaim your clarity, and move from chaos to calm. Whether you’re stuck in fix-it mode, frozen in fear, or spiraling into worthlessness, this episode is your step-by-step guide back to sanity and sovereignty.
This isn’t just about healing—it’s about becoming the woman you were always meant to be.
Top 3 Takeaways:
- You’re Not Crazy—You’re in Trauma.
Betrayal activates your nervous system’s survival mode: fight, flight, freeze, or fix. Your emotional overload is normal, but healing requires more than time—it requires intentional tools and support. - Sanity Starts With Self-Connection.
Use the 5-4-3-2-1 sensory method, deep pressure somatic grounding, and key journaling prompts to return to your body and truth. Ask yourself: What am I feeling? Whose voice is in my head? What do I know to be true? - Legal & Spiritual Clarity Create Emotional Freedom.
Practical steps like documenting information, understanding your legal rights, and avoiding reactionary decisions restore control. Spiritually, betrayal is an initiation—an invitation to rise, reclaim your worth, and live from your soul’s truth.
This is the last episode in a 4-part series on betrayal recovery—be sure to subscribe so you can catch up on past episodes!
Download your FREE Betrayal Recovery Guide now: betrayalrecoveryguide.com
Subscribe, Rate & Review: If this episode spoke to you, share it with a friend and leave a review—it helps other women find the support they need!
Check out this free workshop on Overcoming Obsessive Thoughts on YouTube: https://youtu.be/MwUjcDidWOU?feature=shared
About Lora:
Lora Cheadle is a betrayal recovery coach, attorney, and TEDx speaker who helps women heal from betrayal on an energetic, emotional, and ancestral level—while also providing legal guidance to help them navigate the practical complexities of infidelity and relationship transitions. She empowers women to rise from the ashes, reclaim their identity and self-worth, break free from repeating patterns, and step into their power with confidence, clarity, and grace.
After being shattered by her husband’s fifteen years of infidelity, Lora knows firsthand what it takes to transform devastation into an invitation for healing, freedom, and joy. Her unique approach blends deep emotional healing with tangible legal and life strategies, guiding women beyond betrayal into lives of unapologetic confidence and purpose.
As the founder of Life Choreography Coaching & Advocacy, Lora provides comprehensive legal, emotional, intellectual, and spiritual support on demand. She believes that infidelity doesn’t have to be the end of the dream you poured your heart and soul into—it can be the beginning of a life filled with sovereignty, connection, and joy.
Licensed to practice law in California and Colorado, Lora is also a trauma-aware coach, clinical hypnotherapist, somatic attachment therapist, and advanced integrated energy practitioner. She is certified in yoga, mindfulness, group fitness, and personal training, bringing a holistic perspective to healing.
She is the author of FLAUNT! Drop Your Cover and Reveal Your Smart, Sexy, & Spiritual Self (an International Book Awards Finalist and Tattered Cover Bestseller) and It’s Not Burnout, It’s Betrayal: 5 Tools to FUEL UP & Thrive. She also hosts the podcast FLAUNT! Create a Life You Love After Infidelity and Betrayal.
Based in Colorado, Lora is an adventure-seeker who loves travel, a great book, and saying yes to life’s magic.
Betrayal Recovery Tool Kit
Find Relief, Reclaim Yourself, and Rewrite Your Story
Download your Betrayal Recovery Roadmap & Tool Kit at www.BetrayalRecoveryGuide.com and start reclaiming yourself and your life today!
Let’s connect! Share your thoughts or questions from this episode with Lora at loracheadle.com. New episodes every week.
Subscribe, like, share, and join Lora Cheadle on your journey to reclaim your sparkle and create a life you love.
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Thank you to BetterHelp for sponsoring this podcast! Take charge of your mental health and get 10% off your first month of therapy at https://BetterHelp.com/FLAUNT
Are you ready to Rise, Reclaim, and Reign as the Queen of Your Life? Infidelity may have shaken your world, but it does not define you. You are powerful. You are worthy. And you are more than capable of creating a future filled with confidence, clarity, and joy.
I’m here to walk beside you, giving you the perspective, permission, and proven tools to transform betrayal into your greatest awakening. Whether through one-on-one coaching or my on-demand Affair Recovery Programs, you’ll gain the guidance and support to untangle yourself from the past, reclaim your power, and step boldly into your next chapter.
Your transformation starts now! Learn more at www.AffairRecoveryForWomen.com and visit www.LoraCheadle.com for even more resources and inspiration.
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- International Book Award, Finalist Motivational Self-Help, 2021
- Tattered Cover Bestseller, 2019
Have you spent your life playing by the rules, only to realize those rules weren’t made for you? What if you could break free—from expectations, from betrayal, from the roles you were taught to play—and reclaim your true self?
FLAUNT! is your guide to stripping away societal conditioning, healing from the heartbreak of betrayal, and rediscovering the fierce, confident woman you were born to be. With humor, wisdom, and powerful, actionable steps, Lora Cheadle empowers you to rise above the narratives that have confined you and boldly choreograph a life that is smart, sexy, spiritual, and uniquely your own.
It’s time to stop living for others and start living for you.
Buy Now on Amazon, or wherever books are sold.
It’s Not Burnout, It’s Betrayal: 5 Tools to FUEL UP & Thrive
Burnout isn’t just exhaustion—it’s a betrayal of your time, energy, and trust. This essential guide redefines burnout, exposing its hidden roots and equipping individuals, teams, and leaders with five powerful tools to reclaim their passion, purpose, and well-being.
If you’re ready to break free from burnout and step into a life of clarity, confidence, and fulfillment, this book is your roadmap.
Available now on Amazon. Download your free guide, BURNOUT UNCOVERED: Fostering Candid Conversations for Teams at www.ItsNotBurnoutItsBetrayal.com.
Transcript:
Lora Cheadle [00:00:16]:
Do you feel totally and absolutely crazy after finding out about your partner’s betrayal? If so, you are not alone. Today, we are going to talk about why you feel crazy and how to reclaim your sanity after betrayal. So stick around because this is going to be a really, really great show. Before we get into it, though, what I really want you to know is if you feel like you’re totally losing your mind right now, like, you’re irrational, you’re overreacting, you’re totally unhinged, you can’t control your thoughts, Like, you’re never gonna be the same again. I really, really want to reassure you from the bottom of my heart that, no, you are not crazy. One of my favorite quotes is an abnormal response to an abnormal situation is normal. And let me tell you, the situation you are in is totally abnormal. It’s not something that we, quote, should ever have to deal with.
Lora Cheadle [00:01:27]:
It’s not something that we can just gracefully float through. You were in trauma And having an abnormal response and feeling absolutely crazy like you’re losing your mind is 100% normal. So take a deep breath in. Breathe in. Breathe out. Realize that what you’re experiencing, what you’re feeling is what you should be experiencing, and it’s what you should be feeling. I’m going to show you how and why trauma impacts your body, your brain, and I think most importantly, your spirit. And we’re gonna talk about how you can stop feeling crazy, how you can start reclaiming clarity and calm on all fronts so you can feel grounded emotionally, spiritually, energetically, but also practically speaking.
Lora Cheadle [00:02:29]:
We’re gonna talk about how to ground you legally as well. Because as you know, the implications of infidelity and betrayal are far reaching, not only on you, but on your family, on your career, on your future. And instead of spiraling up and spiraling out of control, we’re gonna talk about how to ground that and how to get you feeling better fast. So let’s begin. Let’s talk first about what trauma does to the body. And I know that you know some of this, but I’m going to repeat it in a nutshell. I’m gonna summarize it for a couple of reasons. First of all, when we’re in trauma, we forget.
Lora Cheadle [00:03:14]:
Have you ever asked your partner, like, the same question maybe 400 times in a row? I know. I did that too. Because we forget. Because we think, well, maybe maybe I’ll hear it differently the next time. When we’re in a state of trauma, we can’t ground in and remember everything. So we literally feel like we’re losing our mind because we are, and we can’t remember. So that’s why I’m gonna give you this quick little summary so you can remember. And if you wanna take notes, either now or when you’re having a conversation with your partner, I highly recommend it.
Lora Cheadle [00:03:54]:
One of the things that I did going through Infidelity and one of the things that I recommend the women that I coach one on one do is get a journal, either a handwritten journal or something online, and take notes. Even if you take notes during the conversations that you have with your partner, it might seem silly, but it’s so helpful to be like, yep. I wrote this down, and, yes, I can go back to it. So then you’re taking care of yourself by going back to it. You know, you’ve probably seen some courtroom scenes on TV. And one of the objections when you’re in a courtroom and counsel asks a question of opposing counsel, you know, they’re they’re just going through. They’re beating them up. One of the objections is asked and answered.
Lora Cheadle [00:04:47]:
When you’re questioning your client or the, you know, the opposing party, you can’t keep asking and answering the same question. And that’s one of the objections that can be raised is asked and answered. And when you’ve asked and answered the same thing repeatedly, the judge can order you to move on. It’s been asked and answered. And that’s something that I’d like you to keep in mind for you is, has this been asked and answered? Raise objections for yourself. That’s what coaching is about. Whether you’re working with me or somebody else or you’re coaching yourself, you could ask yourself, has this been asked and answered? And if it’s been asked and answered, you know, maybe more than three or four times, it’s enough. You know the answer.
Lora Cheadle [00:05:40]:
It has been asked. It has been answered, and it’s time to move on. And that’s just a good coaching strategy. So anyway, let’s get into a quick breakdown of trauma. Whenever we’re in trauma, it hijacks the nervous system. It sends us either into a state of fight, I’ve gotta fight you. I’m gonna do something. I’m gonna win.
Lora Cheadle [00:06:06]:
Flight, I’m out of here. When I first found out about my partner’s infidelity, he packed a box and was out of here, and I was like, wait. What? You’re just leaving like that? Freeze. Freeze is where you can’t get off the floor. You can’t get out of bed. You can’t imagine getting up and taking a shower. You’re just scrolling on Instagram. You’re scrolling on social media or fix.
Lora Cheadle [00:06:33]:
And fix is a big one. Fix is, I’m gonna figure this out. I’m gonna make sense of it all. I’m gonna tell the story, and I’m gonna figure it out, and it’s gonna get taken care of in two days. And we think we can fix our partner. We think we can fix our marriage. We think we can fix ourselves. Fix, fix, fix, fix.
Lora Cheadle [00:06:50]:
So many of the women that I work with get stuck in that state of fix, desperately, desperately trying to make sense of it all, to repair their marriage, to change themselves, to do anything to stop the pain. And that’s what fixing is about. Fixing is about being uncomfortable, being in pain, and wanting to stop the pain. And again, I don’t blame you. I wanted to stop the pain too. I know what that’s like, but it’s a nervous system response. It’s not that we’re we’re not in our right mind. We’re trying to fight, flight, fix.
Lora Cheadle [00:07:33]:
We’re trying to do something to make ourselves better. That’s what a nervous system response is, is it’s trying to keep us safe. Whether that’s emotionally safe or physically safe, we’re doing things desperately to try to stop the pain so we can feel safe. And it can manifest so many different ways. It can be intrusive thoughts. It can be hypervigilance. It can be rumination. It can be, I’m gonna fix everything, all of us, you know, in in myself and in my marriage, and I’m gonna go do all of this.
Lora Cheadle [00:08:08]:
It’s a nervous system response, and it’s okay. We all have them. It’s not a personality flaw. We all go into trauma response. And with that, with that little brief summary of the nervous system and what we go into, I also wanna say, and I did a whole episode on this last week, that time does not heal all wounds. Just waiting it out isn’t gonna fix it. Yes. When you wait, you will more than likely go out of fight, flight, freeze, or fix, but it doesn’t just heal you.
Lora Cheadle [00:08:49]:
You need to take active steps to heal. Healing from betrayal is not passive. It’s active. It’s intentional. You need to make intentional choices to rewire your nervous system, to calm and soothe and smooth your nervous system to get back into the thinking portion of your brain. Because when you’re in fight, flight, freeze, or fix, you are in the survival portion of the brain. You are in the amygdala. You are not up in the prefrontal cortex making rational, reasonable decisions because you can’t be, because that’s how our bodies are designed to work.
Lora Cheadle [00:09:37]:
So you need to make intentional choices to soothe, intentional choices to heal. And then going beyond that, intentional choices to reclaim your identity, to make empowered decisions going forward, to make all of this pain worth something. Because to me, that is the biggest part of it. Let’s make this worth something. Let’s not just heal and put a band aid over it and to go back to where we were. Let’s launch. That’s why you’re here. That’s why I have so many followers because so many of us realize the power of betrayal, the power of the catalyst that is betrayal, that lights that fire under us, that gets us out of the ho everyday compressed struggling life that we’ve been into, and it really empowers us to find our greatness.
Lora Cheadle [00:10:51]:
That’s why I’m here, and that’s why I think you are here too. So with that little summary, let’s go into some tools to reclaim your sanity, because we’ve already established that you probably feel crazy, that it’s normal to feel crazy, and that the reason why you feel crazy is because you were in a trauma response. So now let’s figure out the what to do to get you out of that trauma response. I’m going to start with some emotional tools because until we are grounded emotionally, we are not able to start figuring out the legal aspects of things to keep ourselves protected. We’re not able to go into the higher realms and figure out the spiritual lesson. We need to start with the emotions because the emotions are overrunning us right now. We are flooded with emotion right now. Okay.
Lora Cheadle [00:11:53]:
I’m gonna give you two tools, two techniques. One of them is the five four three two one sensory method. And this is just identifying five things that you can see around you. I see a tree. I see my Saint Michael statue. I see my water bottle. I see my Sekhmet statue. I see my camera, and, yes, I see my microphone.
Lora Cheadle [00:12:23]:
So these are five things that I see. When you find you are out of control, when you can’t stop, when you were just that, ground into your senses. You have five senses. What are five things you can see? I always start with sight because well, a couple of different reasons. It’s easy to identify five things. We do tend to see things around us, and the movement of the eyes looking around to find things can really stimulate and trigger the brain, and it can bring you into a sense of calm. So start with the eyes. Our next most common sense that we are used to is sound.
Lora Cheadle [00:13:11]:
And you know what? Let me tell you. This is a harder one. What are four things I can hear? I hear my voice. I hear the there’s the blower on the fireplace behind me. I hear some footsteps. My animals are running around, and I hear some of their footsteps. And then I get a little lost. What is something else that I need? What can I hear? And then I have to do that strain.
Lora Cheadle [00:13:42]:
And that straining is actually really good. It’s like, can I hear my own breath? Can I hear a car on the road? What can I hear? And it gives you that pause. So you start with a vision. You go to the auditory. And then on three, two, one, you don’t the the order on any of these don’t really matter. Don’t get hung up in, oh my gosh. I started with what can I hear and it should’ve been, what can I see? It doesn’t matter. You just know you have five senses.
Lora Cheadle [00:14:17]:
Figure them out. It can be three things that I taste. I’m tasting my coffee. I can taste the cream in that. I’m tasting water. It can be, what do I smell? And the thing is about this, it’s not about necessarily what is there. I keep, and I’m pulling it out if you’re watching the YouTube on this, I keep an essential oil roller next to me. I keep several essential oils next to me.
Lora Cheadle [00:14:46]:
Why? Because I use this sensory method. Because when I need to reground, I reground in myself and in my senses. What can I hear? What can I see? What can I taste? What can I smell? And the other thing is, what can I touch? And this is a really good one too. You can start with this. The texture on my pants, I can touch that. The texture of hand lotion on my hands, that’s a great one because you’ve got the smell of the lotion, and you’ve got the texture. It’s the texture of my skin. I’m actually feeling the back of my hands right now, and they feel really smooth because I did a little sugar scrub this morning.
Lora Cheadle [00:15:30]:
It feels more smooth than usual. So then it sends me into that thought pattern. Oh, my hands are more smooth than usual. And then I can tell the difference of the different skin on my body, and it sends me into a memory of this morning. And it was a bath and body works sugar scrub, and it had a really good smell. So you can see how using those five four three two one sensory method really pulls you back into yourself. What can I see? What can I hear? What can I smell? What can I taste? And what can I touch? And, again, the order doesn’t matter. 54321.
Lora Cheadle [00:16:16]:
What are the things that you can sense? That is the first tool. The second tool that really grounds you back into yourself is your body. Cross your arms. Cross your midlife. Give yourself a hug. And you might be rolling your eyes right now being like, Lora, are you kidding me? Give yourself a hug. Blah blah blah blah blah. Yes.
Lora Cheadle [00:16:44]:
Here’s why. Reason one, you’re crossing the midline. Reason two, you’re giving yourself deep pressure. You’re squeezing your arms in at your chest, so you’re feeling that pressure on your chest. You’re giving yourself deep pressure on your arms. Deep pressure calms and soothes the nervous system. My kids had some sensory integration, stuff when they were little. Deep pressure always calmed them.
Lora Cheadle [00:17:18]:
It brings us out from those obsessive thoughts that are swirling all around us, and it brings us into our bodies. So squeeze, hug yourself, move up and down your arms, press your legs, press your hands, press from the crown of your head down, push in with your fingers on the side of your head, Give yourself deep pressure. This self holding, this deep pressure really reminds us that we are a body, that we are an embodied body. We are in our body. We’re not in the future. We’re will they cheat again? Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Lora Cheadle [00:18:01]:
We’re not in the past. Look at what he did. We are in our bodies in this moment. And some people don’t like that deep pressure. Try it. See if it’s calming and soothing, and I mean deep pressure. Squeeze. Squeeze your forearms.
Lora Cheadle [00:18:18]:
Squeeze your upper arms. Hug. Compress. Push your legs. Push gently in your belly. I love that deep grounded pressure in my belly. Squeeze your calf. Just give yourself you know how you do, like, the body scan? Give yourself, instead of a body scan, give yourself a whole deep pressure compression scan.
Lora Cheadle [00:18:43]:
And if you’re like some people and you don’t like that deep pressure, which is fine, some people don’t, do, like, a little fig fingery feathery tapping and just do a little tickle. Tickle the palms of your hands. Tickle the insides of your arms. Tickle your upper arms. Tickle your head. Tickle your cheeks and your face. Tickle down your neck. Tickle across your chest, your belly.
Lora Cheadle [00:19:10]:
I love my inner arms being tickled. Tickle the backs of your knees, tickle your thighs just with that soft pressure. So it’s either that deep grounding to get you out of the ethers and into your body, or it’s that little tickle to lighten what’s going on. If you feel like, oh my gosh, it’s all been compressed, then use that little tickle to lighten. Try one of those. So the first tool is the five four three two one sensory method, and the second tool is some kind of physical stimulation, whether the deep pressure or the light tapping or tickling. So when you’re emotional, try those two things. From there, you can move into a little bit more of the intellectual journaling prompts.
Lora Cheadle [00:20:10]:
I’m big on journaling. And, yes, although I often say write it down, pull out a journal and write it down. If you also just wanna take a walk and think about this prompt as you walk, that’s super powerful too. You don’t actually have to sit down and write something out if you’re not a writer. But I do want you to write down these three journal prompts because I want you to use them going forward. The first one is so simple. It’s what am I feeling right now? Now notice it is what am I feeling, not how am I feeling? There’s a subtle difference there. What am I feeling? Write that down and journal on it, or use it as your mantra and go walk on it, or climb a mountain on it, or sit by the water and stare at the horizon on it.
Lora Cheadle [00:21:11]:
What am I feeling right now? And the reason that I want you to figure out or focus on what is the emotion is not a part of you. You are not your emotion. What am I feeling? I am feeling rage. I am feeling disillusionment. I am feeling despair. I am feeling worthlessness. It’s not I am broken. I am worthless.
Lora Cheadle [00:21:42]:
I am so sad. It’s what am I feeling? Because all emotions are transitory. All emotions are transitory. All emotions come and all emotions go. And just because you are having an emotion flow through you now doesn’t mean you will always have that emotion flow through you. All emotions are transitory. So what am I feeling right now? You’re labeling what you’re feeling, but you’re not attaching to it. The second journal prompt that I want you to write down is whose voice is this in my head? Whose voice is this? Is this your mom’s voice? Is this a friend’s voice who went through this? This is one of the reasons that I am a little wary of support groups.
Lora Cheadle [00:22:46]:
When we’re vulnerable, when we’re in an injured state like this, we seek information from those around us, especially from those around us who have gone through this. Right? And when we’re in a support group and we let other people’s voices come in, sometimes we let their story steal the show. Their story is not your story. Just because their partner cheated again, doesn’t mean yours will. Just because their marriage was saved, doesn’t mean yours will. Just because they, x, y, or z, found a new relationship or never the same again, doesn’t mean that’s the story for you. Whose voice is in your head? Yes. I have a Facebook group.
Lora Cheadle [00:23:36]:
No. I do not have group support because I have found so often we tie into other people’s stories. And I am very crystal clear in my Facebook group. You can tell your story and you can vent and you can talk, but let’s keep the focus on growth. Let’s keep the focus on, yes, and what are you going to do next? If you need some tools because you’re spiraling, let’s talk about it. If you need to share and to vent, let’s share and vent. But we’ve gotta keep the conversation constructive. And there are so many Facebook groups out there or support groups out there where all they talk about is let me hear your story.
Lora Cheadle [00:24:19]:
And, oh my god, this happened to me. And, oh my god, happened to me. And, oh my god, be afraid. Be afraid. What about this? What about that? That is not helpful. That is not helpful. It is not helpful to catastrophize things. Should we be aware of what possibly could be coming? Yes.
Lora Cheadle [00:24:40]:
I like to say the train is gonna go by. You have two choices. You can ignore the train that is coming straight at you, or you can look up and see, hey. There’s a train coming straight at me. Maybe I should step off the tracks. It’s important to be aware, but, also, as you’re walking down the tracks, if you’re just hyperfixated on the train that might be coming in front of you, you might ignore that the train is coming from behind you. So how do you have that awareness? And how do you stay grounded? Oh, yeah. Using the five four three two one sensory method.
Lora Cheadle [00:25:19]:
Oh, Oh, yeah. By giving myself deep pressure or by giving the tickling. How do I stay aware? Oh, yeah. By working with a competent trauma certified coach. Oh, yeah. How do I protect myself? By understanding my legal options. How do I move through some of these overwhelming emotions? Oh, yeah. By maybe journaling about it.
Lora Cheadle [00:25:39]:
By identifying the voice in my head. Is this voice in my head somebody else’s? Am I taking their story or their situation, their fear, and making up mine? Or is this voice coming from inside me? Is this my intuition? Is this my higher self speaking? Is this my wise self speaking? Or is this my terrified inner child speaking? Whose voice is this in my head? And just like when you identified what am I feeling right now, not how am I feeling, what am I feeling, when you identify the voice in your head, there’s no judgment around it. I know early on the voice in my head was I was in a Facebook group that was really, really focused on leaving the cheater. The voice in my head was on leaving the cheater. That was not beneficial for me. That was their voice. That was somebody else’s story, somebody else’s experience. That’s not where I was at, and it was hurtful to me.
Lora Cheadle [00:27:08]:
I needed to clarify whose voice I was hearing, and I needed to ground back into my own voice. Now the third thing that I want you to write down, the third journal prompt, walking prompt, lay in bed and ponder prompt, stare at the water prompt is, what do I know to be true? What do I know to be true? Because when you feel crazy, this show is all about when you feel crazy, what do you do to ground back into the truth? You ask yourself, what am I feeling? Whose voice is this in my head? And what do I know to be true? What do I absolutely know to be true? You know what? Even though I feel worthless in this moment because I am having feelings of worthlessness, I know I’m worthy. Really, at a core level, I know I’m worthy. I know I’m kind. I know I’m compassionate. Even if people are misunderstanding me, I know that I try. I know that I’ve got love to give. I know that I’m good in relationships.
Lora Cheadle [00:28:18]:
I know that I’m attractive. I know that people have wanted to be around with me around me and that they have fun hanging out with me. I know that I’m good. I know that I’ve got a sense of integrity. I know that I can be self critical. I know that I can obsess. I know that I can get scattered and disorganized. There’s things that I know about myself, both positive and negative, and it’s powerful to just state these things that you know.
Lora Cheadle [00:28:58]:
Because then that way, you know your own shadow. You know your own strengths. And, again, like, whose voice is this? You know you can stay in your voice, in your truth, in your head. I know my positives. I know my negatives. I know these things to be true. I also know that I’m a survivor. I know that I can get through this.
Lora Cheadle [00:29:22]:
I might not want to get through this, but I can. So those three questions, the reason that I wanted you to write them down is so you have something to come back to so you can remember. What am I feeling right now? Whose voice is this in my head, and what do I know to be true? And, again, that’s why I am not a huge fan of group support because so often we can get into somebody else’s story. Okay. So we are talking about the emotional tools to reclaim your sanity. Five four three two one sensory method, squishing deep pressure or light pressure, journaling prompts, those three. The other one that I really wanna talk about is how to interrupt those loops that we get in in our brains. How do we stop obsessive thoughts? I’ve got a whole workshop on it as well as the somatic processing, worksheet, not a somatic processing.
Lora Cheadle [00:30:23]:
Why am I totally losing the name of the worksheet? I have an amazing workshop on interrupting obsessive thoughts. And it comes with this amazing worksheet that helps you interrupt, obsessive thoughts. And for the life of me, I can’t remember what that worksheet is called. Menopause brain. Right? Trauma brain, menopause brain, whatever you call it. Anyway, I will link it in the show notes. Excuse me. I’ll link it in the show notes below so you can oh, it’s the cognitive reprocessing worksheet.
Lora Cheadle [00:30:59]:
That’s it. Look. I did it. The cognitive reprocessing worksheet. So I’m gonna link that in the show notes, and you can go deeper on this. But the three tips that I’m gonna give you right here, right now on interrupting obsessive thought loops are, number one, name it to tame it. It sounds silly and you will feel silly doing it. But when you’ve got a thought loop going on, when you’re on a crying jag and you can’t stop, name it.
Lora Cheadle [00:31:31]:
I am obsessing over and you might be like, I roll. I know what I’m obsessing over. I know. But when you name it, it breaks you out of the emotion and it moves you back into the thinking part of your brain, and it helps you stop obsessing. I am obsessing over not being young and thin enough. I am obsessing over whether he really loved her, whether he loved her more than me. I am obsessing over. Am I ever gonna get my sanity back? Name it.
Lora Cheadle [00:32:12]:
The second thing, the second part of that is create a mantra that is on the other side of that thought loop. So if I’m obsessing over, I’m not thin and young and pretty enough. I’m obsessing over my body. I’ve got the replays going on in my head of what he thought looking at her, what they looked like together. I have these horrible sex images in my head. I can’t stop it. So you name it. Then what is on the other side of that? What is on the other side of that? What is, what is the goal? Where do you want to be? I want to feel confident and secure enough in my beauty, in my sexuality, in this heart centered connection that I have with my partner.
Lora Cheadle [00:33:11]:
What I want on the other side of that is to feel beautiful and powerful and worthy and sensual. Label what it is that you want, and then you can affirm that for yourself. I I am beautiful. I have incredible spiritual sexual chemistry and connection. I have the ability to have that with somebody. I deserve to be loved. I deserve to be cherished and honored. Move into that highest level, whether you have had it or you believe you were capable of having it in the future.
Lora Cheadle [00:34:01]:
Have a mantra of what it is. I am worthy of spiritual sacred sexual union. I am worthy of being cherished and beautiful and loved. Another thing to do is to have the mantra of, I can’t control the past. I can’t control the future, but I can control my thoughts now. And now I choose to think about the beauty that I am, the connection that I have with my friends, with a sibling, with my children, and to focus on all of the things that you do have right now. I can’t control the past. I can’t control the future.
Lora Cheadle [00:35:00]:
What can I do to feel beautiful right now? What can I do to feel worthy right now? What can I do to increase my own spiritual power awareness? How can I feel desired by myself? How can I feel worthy? What can I learn? What can I lean into? What can I do to cultivate all that I want in the future? And, yeah, I’m not gonna lie. So many of us are like, I’ve gotta change my body. I’ve gotta change my body. Oh my god. I’ve gotta lose a thousand pounds and tighten up and sure. Maybe this is a catalyst to start honoring your body more. Maybe this is a catalyst to lean in to sexuality in a beautiful way, in a spiritual way, in a divine sacred union way. Maybe you’ve always been interested in that, but you’ve never really known what that meant.
Lora Cheadle [00:36:09]:
Maybe now is the time to honor, honor the goddess within whatever it is for you. Maybe it’s about learning about yourself and your sensuality and your sexuality. And let me say, sensuality and sexuality are different. So interrupting those thought loops by doing something instructive for yourself. What can I learn more about? What can I do to make myself feel more comfortable in my body? It’s not about the external male gaze looking at you and saying, I’m younger now and I’m thinner and I’m prettier and I’m doing Botox. It’s not about that. It’s about what do you need to do to make yourself feel better. Maybe Botox will make you feel better.
Lora Cheadle [00:36:53]:
Maybe losing 10 pounds will make you feel better. Maybe getting stronger will make you feel better. Do it. I started taking better care of myself afterwards because I had let not that I let myself go, but I had put myself on the back burner, and I had not prioritized things that made me feel good. What makes you feel good and beautiful and powerful? Do it. And that leads me into something really, really important to talk about, and that’s that layer of what I like to call secondary betrayal. When we have obsessive thought loops going on, oftentimes, they are looping because they are reminding us of the secondary betrayal. They are reminding us of the ways that we betrayed ourselves in the past by doing those things that I just said, by not prioritizing our health, our well-being, our happiness, by just thinking, yeah, I’ll deal with that later.
Lora Cheadle [00:38:00]:
Yeah. I’ve got other things that are more important. I’ll work out later. I’ll take care of myself later. I’ll enjoy my life later. That secondary betrayal, the way we betrayed ourself is now coming to the surface. That’s one of the gifts of betrayal. It brings to light all of the things that we let go of along the way, all of the ways we betrayed ourselves along the way.
Lora Cheadle [00:38:32]:
So when you have obsessive thoughts, what is it saying about you? Not what is it saying about him, but what is it saying about you? And those journal prompts were kind of designed to get you there too. What is this saying about you? Yeah. And that’s the deep work that I passionately love doing one on one with my clients, helping them see what is this really about. You know this. I love to say betrayal and covers the truth, not only about your partner, but about yourself, about all the things you let go of along the way, about all the ways you didn’t prioritize and love and lean into your self. I know. I know. I know.
Lora Cheadle [00:39:36]:
I know. And then the very last tool that I wanna talk about that you can use to reclaim your sanity. We did the grounding techniques. We did the journaling. I’ve got the interrupting thought loops. The last one is doing something somatic. Yes. Thinking is helpful.
Lora Cheadle [00:39:58]:
Yes. It’s very helpful, but so is doing. Doing something is healing, especially if you’re in that fight or that fix mode. When we’re in the fix mode, we wanna do something. We think if we Google obsessively, if we listen to every podcast, if we read every book, if we show up to every therapist, I can fix it. I can fix it. I can fix it. Fixed energy wants motion.
Lora Cheadle [00:40:26]:
Fixed energy wants motion. And you can’t fix this in a day or a week or a month or sometimes even a year. So what do you do with that extra energy? It wants motion. Move your body. Move. You know I’m big on dancing, sacred dancing, somatic processing. But shake, dance, move, cry, yell. Yell into a pillow, close your windows and yell.
Lora Cheadle [00:40:55]:
Get it out of your head. Move. Do something. Cook. Clean. Cleaning is a great way to move energy. When I work with people one on one, I they have access to me twenty four seven through the Voxer app, which is like a walkie talkie app. And I’m always telling them, when you wake up in the middle of the night with obsessive thoughts, get on your phone and start sending me a message.
Lora Cheadle [00:41:20]:
Get it out. Get it out. Get it out. When you’re speaking it out, not only is it coming out of you in the form of words, but you’re also hearing it. So then you can kinda check yourself and be like, oh, that’s interesting. Oh, that makes sense. Oh, that makes no sense at all. What’s going on? So do something.
Lora Cheadle [00:41:42]:
Clean, cook, organize, run, destroy something. It’s okay to destroy something. Tear something up. Smash something up. Wear goggles if you’re gonna smash something. Go to a rage room. Go bowling and hook the bowling ball around. Like, there are so many things to do.
Lora Cheadle [00:42:05]:
Bow and arrows. That’s fun. Sports. Smash a pickleball. Do something. And those are my best tools for you to use when you find yourself feeling crazy. Because the energy of crazy is this tangled up mess, and it’s about untangling it and creating something, creating a straight line so you can go from crazy to sane. So you can go from chaotic to calm.
Lora Cheadle [00:42:42]:
So you can do it’s that whole from and to, and you want to make sure you are doing that. So these are the tools that you can use. Okay. So we’ve summarized why you feel crazy. Hello. Because you you’re in trauma. We have given you some tools to use to make you not feel crazy. And now what I wanna go into for this third part is I wanna talk about legal, logistical, logical grounding.
Lora Cheadle [00:43:13]:
I wanna talk about the things that you can be doing and should be doing, quite frankly, to help you not feel crazy. Part of the reason that you feel crazy is because you don’t know the future. And I know we can’t predict the future, and it’s very unfair that we can’t predict the future. But there are things that we can do in the here, in the now, that will make logical legal sense. And before we go into that, I want to stop and give a little plug for my betrayal recovery guide. When you download the betrayal recovery guide at betrayalrecoveryguide.com, you also have the option to download my, betrayal recovery toolkit. And in the toolkit and, yes, that is a paid upgrade. It’s only 47, $47.
Lora Cheadle [00:44:07]:
But what is in that paid upgrade is your essential legal and financial checklist, And you will want this legal and financial checklist because it’s a checklist of all of the things that you need to know and think about and do financially and legally to protect yourself going forward. And what I wanna say is it doesn’t matter if you stay together or if you get divorced. This legal and financial checklist is something that you are going to need. It’ll help you reorganize your finances. Because if you’re anything like us, finances sometimes gets brushed aside because you’re dealing with all of this trauma. And all of a sudden, you’re in this panic state, and you’re not making rational decisions, and then extra money gets spent. And coaching take cost money, and attorneys cost money, and therapists cost money. And let me tell you, divorce costs a lot of money.
Lora Cheadle [00:45:13]:
In The United States, the average divorce is 10 to 15,000 for each side. If it’s contentious, it’s worse. If there’s a lot of custody issues, if there’s financial accounting, it’s worse. So, yes, you’re spending some money now. You’re spending $47 on the upgraded toolkit. But what might you be saving on a forensic accountant? What might you be saving in a divorce? What might you be saving if you can save your marriage? And that’s why I often will tell people, like, yes. Coaching costs money. Yes.
Lora Cheadle [00:45:54]:
Working with me costs money. But you know what you might be saving? You might save your whole marriage. You might save tens of thousands of dollars on the other side, getting some advice, getting some clarity now, and not making mistakes that will cost you big time. So go to betrayalrecoveryguide.com. Download your betrayal recovery guide. Move through it. It’s got a bunch more tools that’ll help you not feel crazy and not feel psycho as you get through this. It’s got five tools.
Lora Cheadle [00:46:30]:
It goes through the five steps of healing. And then do the upgrade. Do the 47 tool kit upgrade and get your legal and financial checklist. What we’re doing today is a start, but you will want that checklist so you can check it off, keep yourself calm, and make sure you’re not making any really big costly mistakes. Because when you’re in the fog of betrayal, trust me, mistakes get made. Ask me how I know. Yeah. Because I made a lot of them.
Lora Cheadle [00:47:04]:
So that’s why clarity matters before taking any action, but especially any major action. Things not to do early on. Don’t delete messages. Oh my goodness. Do not delete messages. Don’t go through and start deleting things. You can’t get things back. Here’s a big one.
Lora Cheadle [00:47:26]:
Don’t confront the other woman. Sure. Maybe you can later on, but don’t do it right off the bat. Don’t talk to her husband. Don’t talk to her. Don’t take any revenge action against her. Just don’t. Again, I’m not saying that you can’t later, but for now, don’t do it.
Lora Cheadle [00:47:45]:
The third thing, do not engage at any revenge cheating or any revenge spending or anything like that. Do not engage in anything revengeful right now. You will regret it. Don’t sign any legal documents. That includes, like, a lease. Don’t sign anything legal. Don’t make ultimatums. Don’t do anything right now when you’re in this fog, when you’re in this chaos, when you feel crazy.
Lora Cheadle [00:48:17]:
When you feel crazy, you are crazy. You are crazy because you’re in trauma. So don’t do anything legally. Don’t get rid of anything you can’t get back. Don’t tear things up. Don’t confront other people. Don’t engage in any revenge, speed, cheating, spending, anything like that. Don’t sign any contracts or documents.
Lora Cheadle [00:48:36]:
Be calm and give yourself time. Now I wanna talk about documenting things because so many people are curious about that. I really think it’s important to document things, but to document them from a state of not being in a state of panic. Yes. If you wanna print phone records. Yes. If you wanna screenshot texts. Yes.
Lora Cheadle [00:49:00]:
If you wanna save emails. Please do all of that. Please do that because you’re collecting evidence. But can you do it without panic? Can you do it from that headspace of, hey. I am collecting evidence and not from that space of, oh my god. I have to do it. You’re making powerful moves and you’re collecting things. You are not in a victim state when you do this, though.
Lora Cheadle [00:49:27]:
You are the investigator. You are the attorney. You are in charge. You are doing this without panic. Empowerment begins the moment you stop reacting and you start responding. Empowerment begins the moment you stop reacting and you start responding. Even one small act of legal clarity can restore a sense of control. One small act of legal clarity can restore your sense of grounded control.
Lora Cheadle [00:50:10]:
Reach out. Have an appointment with an attorney in your area once. It’ll give you it’ll give you what you need to know. Reach out to me. Book one appointment. One. Let’s talk about what might be possible for you. Let’s talk about what you need to do to protect yourself.
Lora Cheadle [00:50:30]:
One appointment. Do you wanna move forward? That would be great. But if you just do one appointment, it is you taking action. Especially if you’re afraid to commit to the appointment, that is all the more reason that you need to commit to the appointment. If you’re afraid, lean into that. Talk to somebody. Do you know how often I have people sign up for calls, and the first words out of their mouth are, I thought about not showing up? You’re not alone if you were terrified. I was terrified.
Lora Cheadle [00:51:08]:
Even though I’m an attorney, I still went and saw an attorney because I knew I needed that clarity, and I was terrified. Let me tell you, the attorney is not gonna force you into anything. They’re there to give you advice. I am here to give you advice and clarity. I’m not gonna talk you into anything. Oh my goodness. If you were afraid to reach out, reach out. That’s the biggest thing I’m gonna say because you don’t need to figure it all out today.
Lora Cheadle [00:51:37]:
But what you do need to do is empower yourself to do something that’s outside of your comfort zone. And sometimes, not sometimes, most often that is the most powerful step, is making that first appointment. I offer actually, my first appointment, I offered a hugely discounted rate of $97 because of that. Because I want you to get used to overcoming your own blocks. I want you to get used to empowering yourself. I want you to get used to learning, growing, grounding yourself, realizing you don’t need to figure it all out today, but what you do need to do is take a step. Take that first step. Start with the betrayal recovery guide guide.
Lora Cheadle [00:52:26]:
Download it. Use the tools. Upgrade to the toolkit. Get your legal checklist. Figure it out. Book an appointment with me. Let’s talk. You are taking consistent steps.
Lora Cheadle [00:52:41]:
Because here’s the thing about betrayal recovery. You are 100% in charge of betrayal recovery. And so many people say, and this is so not true, but so many people say, I have to wait and see what my partner is doing. I don’t know. Is my partner gonna choose? Sure. That can be a part of it, but you are 100% in charge of this for you. With that, I wanna move into the fourth and final segment of this, and this is that spiritual peace. Your soul feels shattered, I know, but your soul has not been shattered.
Lora Cheadle [00:53:19]:
Your soul is growing. Your soul has a lesson. Your soul is transforming. This is spiritual transformation. I gave you some journal prompts earlier, but I want you to go deeper. What is the soul lesson in all of this? What are you being called to remember or reclaim? What is this healing about? What can it reawaken in you, but also in the world? Betrayal is an initiation. Betrayal is a sacred initiation into some deep spiritual growth and transformation. It’s not a breakdown.
Lora Cheadle [00:54:12]:
It is a breakthrough, not only for you, but for every woman who came before you and for every woman who is going to come after you. So what are the deeper questions? What is the deeper meaning of betrayal? Why were you betrayed? So many women ask that question. Why me? Why me in that victim y state? And what I’m asking you to do is flip it. Flip that question. Why me? Why is my soul receiving this lesson? What am I being called to step into? What do I get to reclaim? What am I remembering about my soul, my higher self, the greater good of the planet? What am I stepping into? Why me? Why was I chosen for this sacred initiation? And that reframe is going to carry the day. That reframe is going to carry you. And that is the power, and that is where it is all about. Now before we close out the show, I want to tell you what I feel the most powerful about.
Lora Cheadle [00:56:01]:
I really feel that the tragedy of betrayal, the real tragedy of betrayal isn’t the cheating itself. It’s not the betrayal. It’s when we let that betrayal define us instead of redefining us, instead of letting that betrayal refine who we are at that soul at that spiritual level. It’s when we survive instead of moving into that next level and rising. The tragedy of betrayal is survival, not raising ourselves because betrayal will shake us to our core. It will absolutely break you open. But in that being broken open, that’s the invitation. That’s the invitation to come back home to yourself.
Lora Cheadle [00:56:59]:
Not the self that you were before, not the marriage that you were before. This is coming home to your soul, to your truth, to the version of you that you were always meant to be, to the self that carries the wisdom forward from this wounding, from these wounds. Betrayal is asking you to stand in your presence, in the sovereignty of your own soul, and to transform who you truly are. It’s not just, oh, I’m bouncing back. This is elevating and rising anew, rising above, going beyond all of that. This is making you wiser and stronger and softer and more self honoring than ever before. We talked about that self betrayal. This is about coming home to how wise and beautiful and sacred you are and what you deserve because you deserve so much more than just healing from betrayal.
Lora Cheadle [00:58:05]:
You are here to rise, to reign fully and freely and powerfully in your own sacred self. This is about going from that compressed into the flaunt. It’s all about the energy of flaunt, the expansion, the sparkle, the joy. So what are you going to choose? Are you just going to heal from betrayal, or are you going to heed the call? Are you going to flaunt? Are you going to get stuck in the why me, or are you going to elevate into the why me? Why me? What do I have? What do I receive from all of this? I want to remind you one last time, you’re not crazy. You’re not broken. You’re not alone. You are becoming. You are heeding the call.
Lora Cheadle [00:59:11]:
You are making that choice right now. Do I just heal, or do I move into the fullest expression of everything that I am capable of being? Do I own this? Do I use this as a catalyst and rise? Start with the betrayal recovery guide, betrayalrecoveryguide.com. Upgrade to the toolkit, and then reach out and let’s connect. Let’s connect. Let’s let’s talk about what is on the other side. Let’s talk about the why you. Why were you blessed with this? Why were you initiated into this? You don’t have to fix it all today. You just have to take one step, and then the next step, and then the next step.
Lora Cheadle [01:00:03]:
And when you get stuck on what is that next step, I’m here. Betrayal may have broken you open, but it’s in the breaking that you are birthed into the highest version of who you are. So as usual, always remember to flaunt. Even when you’re feeling crumpled, always remember to flaunt. That is your birthright, to flaunt who you are, to flaunt how you are, to step into that joy, to step into that power, and to always flaunt your truth. Because who you are is always more not enough.