You Thought You Were Confident—Then He Cheated. Now What? Reclaiming Naked Self-Worth® After Infidelity
“He may have broken your heart—but only you get to decide if he breaks your confidence.”
You thought you were confident—until betrayal shattered everything you thought you knew about yourself. In this raw and powerful episode, betrayal recovery coach Lora Cheadle dismantles the myth that confidence comes from being chosen, loved, or successful. Real confidence, she reveals, is born in the aftermath of destruction. It’s Naked Self-Worth®—the kind that remains when everything else is stripped away. If you’ve ever questioned your value, your beauty, or your future after infidelity, this episode will remind you that your worth was never lost. It was buried. And now it’s time to uncover it—for good.
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Top Three Takeaways:
- Confidence after infidelity is not about being better, prettier, or more desirable—it’s about knowing your worth despite the betrayal.
- Naked Self-Worth® means reclaiming your power without needing validation from anyone else. It’s the kind of confidence no one can take away.
- The real you—the joyful, grounded, radiant woman—was never lost. She’s been waiting underneath the roles, waiting for you to choose her again.
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About Lora:
Lora Cheadle is a betrayal recovery coach, attorney, and TEDx speaker who helps women heal from betrayal on an energetic, emotional, and ancestral level—while also providing legal guidance to help them navigate the practical complexities of infidelity and relationship transitions. She empowers women to rise from the ashes, reclaim their identity and self-worth, break free from repeating patterns, and step into their power with confidence, clarity, and grace.
After being shattered by her husband’s fifteen years of infidelity, Lora knows firsthand what it takes to transform devastation into an invitation for healing, freedom, and joy. Her unique approach blends deep emotional healing with tangible legal and life strategies, guiding women beyond betrayal into lives of unapologetic confidence and purpose.
As the founder of Life Choreography Coaching & Advocacy, Lora provides comprehensive legal, emotional, intellectual, and spiritual support on demand. She believes that infidelity doesn’t have to be the end of the dream you poured your heart and soul into—it can be the beginning of a life filled with sovereignty, connection, and joy.
Licensed to practice law in California and Colorado, Lora is also a trauma-aware coach, clinical hypnotherapist, somatic attachment therapist, and advanced integrated energy practitioner. She is certified in yoga, mindfulness, group fitness, and personal training, bringing a holistic perspective to healing.
She is the author of FLAUNT! Drop Your Cover and Reveal Your Smart, Sexy, & Spiritual Self (an International Book Awards Finalist and Tattered Cover Bestseller) and It’s Not Burnout, It’s Betrayal: 5 Tools to FUEL UP & Thrive. She also hosts the podcast FLAUNT! Create a Life You Love After Infidelity and Betrayal.
Based in Colorado, Lora is an adventure-seeker who loves travel, a great book, and saying yes to life’s magic.
Let’s connect! Share your thoughts or questions from this episode with Lora at loracheadle.com. New episodes every week.
Subscribe, like, share, and join Lora Cheadle on your journey to reclaim your sparkle and create a life you love.
Special Offers from Our Sponsors!
Thank you to BetterHelp for sponsoring this podcast! Take charge of your mental health and get 10% off your first month of therapy at https://BetterHelp.com/FLAUNT
Are you ready to Rise, Reclaim, and Reign as the Queen of Your Life? Infidelity may have shaken your world, but it does not define you. You are powerful. You are worthy. And you are more than capable of creating a future filled with confidence, clarity, and joy.
I’m here to walk beside you, giving you the perspective, permission, and proven tools to transform betrayal into your greatest awakening. Whether through one-on-one coaching or my on-demand Affair Recovery Programs, you’ll gain the guidance and support to untangle yourself from the past, reclaim your power, and step boldly into your next chapter.
Your transformation starts now! Learn more at www.AffairRecoveryForWomen.com and visit www.LoraCheadle.com for even more resources and inspiration
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Books By Lora
- International Book Award, Finalist Motivational Self-Help, 2021
- Tattered Cover Bestseller, 2019
Have you spent your life playing by the rules, only to realize those rules weren’t made for you? What if you could break free—from expectations, from betrayal, from the roles you were taught to play—and reclaim your true self?
FLAUNT! is your guide to stripping away societal conditioning, healing from the heartbreak of betrayal, and rediscovering the fierce, confident woman you were born to be. With humor, wisdom, and powerful, actionable steps, Lora Cheadle empowers you to rise above the narratives that have confined you and boldly choreograph a life that is smart, sexy, spiritual, and uniquely your own.
It’s time to stop living for others and start living for you.
Buy Now on Amazon, or wherever books are sold.
It’s Not Burnout, It’s Betrayal: 5 Tools to FUEL UP & Thrive
Burnout isn’t just exhaustion—it’s a betrayal of your time, energy, and trust. This essential guide redefines burnout, exposing its hidden roots and equipping individuals, teams, and leaders with five powerful tools to reclaim their passion, purpose, and well-being.
If you’re ready to break free from burnout and step into a life of clarity, confidence, and fulfillment, this book is your roadmap.
Available now on Amazon. Download your free guide, BURNOUT UNCOVERED: Fostering Candid Conversations for Teams at www.ItsNotBurnoutItsBetrayal.com.
Transcript
Lora Cheadle [00:00:01]:
You’re listening to Flaunt. Find your sparkle and create a life you love after infidelity or betrayal, A podcast for women who’ve been betrayed by their intimate partner and want to turn their devastation into an invitation to reclaim themselves and their worth. Tune in weekly so you can start making sense of it all and learn how to be okay on the inside no matter what goes on on the outside. Download your free betrayal Recovery toolkit@betrayalrecoveryguide.com.
Lora Cheadle [00:00:37]:
You built a really, really good life. You thought you knew who you were. And then what happened? He cheated, right? He cheated. And now you are left questioning everything. You are questioning your worth. You’re questioning your beauty. You’re questioning your value, your instincts, your. Your gut, your past, your future.
Lora Cheadle [00:01:04]:
You used to feel confident. You truly used to think you had it all together. And it’s been shocking the way infidelity has shattered the foundation that you used to stand on. If that sounds like you, then this is your episode. This episode is called you thought you were confident. Then he cheated, now what? I’m Lora Cheadle. And yes, I have been through the fire, too. My husband cheated on me for 15 years with five different women.
Lora Cheadle [00:01:43]:
And you know what? The whole time I thought, oh, I’m doing the work and I’m confident, and I’ve created this amazing life, and I am so good and I’m so spiritual, and I have evolved and I’ve learned how to communicate, and it’s all amazing. And then when infidelity happened, it crushed my soul. What I didn’t know then that I know now is that infidelity was not the end of my confidence. It was the beginning of something deeper, something unshakable. It was the beginning of the. Of my return back home to myself into what I have later coined the term as being is naked selfworth. And if you’re triggered. Oh, my God.
Lora Cheadle [00:02:41]:
Naked. What are we talking about? Naked. This is a show about infidelity. We can’t talk about naked. What I want to say is naked selfworth is the ability to. For you to be confident in who you are metaphorically stripped naked. Because so often we build our self worth around how we look. I’m really confident I’ve got my body back.
Lora Cheadle [00:03:10]:
I’m really confident. I’ve learned how to do the right makeup. I’ve got a great hairstyle. I’ve got the man, the relationship, the job, the car, the whatever it is my kids are doing. Whatever. We build our confidence around all of those external things. So when something as devastating as infidelity happens, of course it knocks us off of our foundation. What naked self worth is, is the foundation.
Lora Cheadle [00:03:40]:
If I look great on top of this, if I have a home or a job or a family or kids that do something on top of this foundation, it’s icing. But it doesn’t change my sense of self, my innate confidence. That’s what I’m talking about. And that’s what you can develop. And here’s the thing too. Can we develop true confidence? Can we develop that sense of naked selfworth exclusive of some catastrophe happening? You know, possibly. But it’s also really my belief that until we have walked this journey, until we have really been through the fire, I don’t think it’s very probable that we develop this level of self confidence and self worth. What I know from working with hundreds of women around this is that infidelity is usually the start of something better.
Lora Cheadle [00:04:56]:
Whether it’s a better relationship or a better relationship with yourself or a heightened level of confidence and self worth. It is infidelity that is the catalyst that starts that journey of doing that real deep soul work. And that’s what we’re going to lean in today. This episode is truly a soul deep reset for every woman who thought she had it all together until betrayal cracked everything open. And I see you, my heart goes out to you, I feel you, I adore you, I love you. And I respect what you’re going through because of that respect and because I know what it’s like, I want to be very raw, I want to be very honest with you about the identity shifting impact that infidelity has not only on you, but on all of us. And talk about how to rise from the ashes with true, lasting confidence. Because real confidence isn’t about how you look, it isn’t about what you achieve or who chooses you.
Lora Cheadle [00:06:17]:
That’s a big one. Real confidence is born when you are cracked wide open. You are splayed on the floor bleeding, and you still refuse to abandon yourself. So whether you’re still reeling from discovery or you are already beginning to rise, this episode will help you take the first steps towards that new kind of power, that new kind of confidence towards what I like to call your naked self worth. Three things. Infidelity is an identity rupture. Infidelity ruptures your identity. That means your sense of self has been broken, it’s been interrupted, it’s been shattered.
Lora Cheadle [00:07:15]:
Who you think you are, who you always thought you were, the that has been ruptured. And oh my God, that’s painful. But this is your chance to rebuild that identity from a place of truth instead of from a place of performance. And also rebuild in a way where that identity serves you and where you do not become that identity. And I’ll say a little bit more about that later, but what that really means is I identified as the pretty one. I identified as the vivacious, pretty, happy all together one. That was who I was from early on. I was the one that guys chose.
Lora Cheadle [00:08:11]:
I was the one that people liked. I was. That was an identity. And while some of that may have been true, that wasn’t always entirely me. And when my husband chose other women, it shattered that whole belief that, well, I’m the fun one, I’m the pretty one, I’m the one that guys want to be with. And suddenly it was like, if that’s not who I am, then who am I? And how could I have been so raw? So who are you? Are you the one that takes care of everything? Are you the really smart one? Who are you? Are you the perfect one? Because whatever identity you hold, there comes a point in our life where we start performing that identity. It’s more than just being we perform it. It’s not that I take care of everyone and everything because I deeply want to in this moment.
Lora Cheadle [00:09:27]:
It’s because I have to because that’s what I do. And if I didn’t do what other people wouldn’t do becomes a performance. And when you go through infidelity and you have to rebuild your identity, it’s a beautiful opportunity to start self reflecting on that and to choose what pieces of that identity you want to carry forward and how to do so in an authentic manner. So you’re not performing. So I’m not performing the role of. Of the one who has it all together, of the one that people want to be around because she’s really fun. I’m not performing that. I’m showing up.
Lora Cheadle [00:10:08]:
And when I am that person, because that’s me a lot, I am that person. But also when I am not that person, I’m not that person. And it’s okay too. The second thing that I want to talk about in this episode is confidence after betrayal is not the conditional. Confidence after betrayal is not conditional. It’s not about being better or prettier or smarter than anybody, especially the affair partner. But it’s not about being anything. It’s about knowing your worth.
Lora Cheadle [00:10:51]:
Regardless of what he did, I know I so deeply wanted him to choose me. I wanted to be chosen as I don’t even Know what? I just wanted to be chosen. I wanted to be the one. I wanted to be the one he thought about, the one he pined for, the one he would fight for. I want it to be the one. And when I found out, oh, you hadn’t been the one, it shook my confidence to the core. Because my confidence was conditional. As long as I was chosen and thin and pretty and fit and had a clean house and really did all the things you were supposed to do as a mom, then I could be really confident because I had it all together.
Lora Cheadle [00:11:55]:
The shift from being confident because to being confident was a rough one. Even. Even today. Let me tell you this little story. Oh, my gosh. It’s. It’s. It’s Wednesday.
Lora Cheadle [00:12:10]:
The day I’m recording. This is a Wednesday. Yesterday, I went up to sub a fitness class because I. I teach fitness classes. I have for forever. I’ve l taught since 1988. And I went up to sub a fitness class, and I walk in, I’m like, hey, I’m here to sup. And they’re like, there is no class right now.
Lora Cheadle [00:12:31]:
I came on June 25, and the class I was supposed to sub is July 25. So I was a month off. And why that matters is I had other places to be. And I had made this extraordinary effort to get up and pack my. I was going to a funeral afterwards, so I made this huge effort to, like, pack my makeup and pack my clothes and pack my hair stuff so I could teach my class and then get ready at the gym and then make it to the funeral. And I was on the wrong day, and I was like, oh, boy, Lora, you must be pretty busy. Had the rest of my diet. It was great.
Lora Cheadle [00:13:08]:
Wake up today, check my texts. Nobody’s there. Go to my office, start working. Get this emergency text. Why aren’t you here? Is everything okay? I’m like, where am I supposed to be today? Well, it was a hair appointment. The hair appointment is tomorrow. I thought the hair appointment was tomorrow. It’s really today.
Lora Cheadle [00:13:27]:
I’ve had probably four things like that in the last four days where I am completely off. I am a hot mess right now, and that’s okay. And there was a time where I would really beat myself up for that. And I’m not gonna lie. Part of me is like, oh, my God, Lora, pull it together. What are you thinking? But then the new me, the new confident part of me is like, you know what? People mess up and I mess up, and it doesn’t say anything about me, because my confidence truly is no longer conditional on how I perform, what I do, how I look, what I say. And yes, I’m conscientious. I care.
Lora Cheadle [00:14:13]:
I still try to do a nice job, but it doesn’t impact my confidence. If my husband suddenly chooses another woman, is it going to rock me? Well, of course. But it’s also not going to rock my confidence the way it did before, because I really love me. I really, really, honestly choose myself and love me, and it’s all okay. And I think that goes right into my third point. Naked self worth is your birthright. It’s my birthright. It’s all of our birthright.
Lora Cheadle [00:14:48]:
It’s not just something that is, oh, wow, maybe one day I’ll feel that confident. No, it’s who we are. It is your birthright. And when you strip away all of those expectations, the roles, the scripts, the labels, the what I have to do or say or think or believe, your confidence returns. And that is such a huge gift of betrayal. And that is what I want for you. So before we get into this whole full episode about the shattering, the truth about confidence, naked self worth, how to rebuild from the inside out, and I think, most importantly, why confidence is a choice that you make daily, I want to say a couple things. First, please subscribe.
Lora Cheadle [00:15:42]:
Please like the show, Leave a review so others know what this is about. You know how it is when you’re reaching out and you’re trying to get help and you’re tentative. It’s like you’re dipping your toe in the water and you’re like, I don’t know if this is going to be the person for me. I know there were some communities I dipped my toe into and I’d be like, whoa, negativity here. And others I would dip my toe into and I’d be like, whoa, too much pray it away type stuff. Not quite my vibe. Whoa, too much. You know, whatever it is, it’s really important for people to see your reviews in your words so they know what kind of a vibe it is here.
Lora Cheadle [00:16:26]:
So they know this is a place where they can be held and accepted, where they can say freaking anything and they can choose to work it out and not be shamed. And then if the point comes where they’re like, and no, I choose to save myself by leaving, then they’re not shamed for that either. This is a place truly, where we have compassion for you, for what you’re going through, but also for the person who cheated on you. Not excusing it away, not, oh, poor you, but Having compassion, that life is really hard and that we’re all in this and that mistakes were made and choices were made. But let’s have some compassion for everybody involved in this situation. Because trust, trust me, there is not a lot of good that can come out of this unless you choose the good. Leave a review. Let people know what kind of a community this is, what kind of a vibe this is, so they can ascertain early on am I in the right place or not? If you can’t figure out how to leave a review, just email me a review that would be helpful as well.
Lora Cheadle [00:17:50]:
Or let me know when I can help you post it. And then the second thing I’m going to say is, it’s so hard and you’re not alone. Getting help truly was the hardest first step I ever, ever made because I thought I was going to be judged. I thought I was going to be like one of those trashy TV couples, you know, from like the show Cheaters or something. And I thought, I thought that’s, that’s what it made me and that’s not who I was. And I didn’t want to reach out and get help and have people judge me and be like, you’re stupid, you’re a loser, you’re, you know, you know what I mean? I was so terrified of getting help, and yet if I hadn’t reached out for help, I don’t know what would have happened. I am your lifeline. I can be your lifeline.
Lora Cheadle [00:18:51]:
I so desperately want to be your lifeline because I’ve been through it. Because I have been through those embarrassing, horrible conversations with people who don’t get it. I have been there and I. It is such my mission and my pleasure and my honor to give you what I wish I would have had to be for you, what I wish I would have had. Because I really don’t think healing happens in like weekly or bi weekly therapy sessions. It happens in the moment. It happens when you wake up, when you have an obsessive thought, when you walk into a place and you run into the other woman. Healing happens in those moments.
Lora Cheadle [00:19:40]:
And that’s why the hallmark of the work that I do is 24,7 Voxer access to me. Not to my team members, but to me. Because that’s where hurt happens. It hurts in the moment. And you need healing in that moment. And you need perspective in that moment. Whether it’s just to cry or to get advice or to get something off your chest, Healing happens in the moment. When you work with me, you can get 24.7voxer access.
Lora Cheadle [00:20:18]:
You can say to me everything that you want to say, everything that you’re going through. I can help you process it. I can help you say what you need to say. I can give you an insight or a resource. And here’s the thing about that too. Yes, one on one sessions are great. Yes, we move forward so quickly. With one on one sessions, we move forward so quickly.
Lora Cheadle [00:20:41]:
This is not something that you need to take years to heal. This is something that wham. We can move through a lot more quickly than you think if you get the right help at the right time. So yes, I love one on one sessions. But you can get that voxer access to me for less than $100 a month. 24.7voxer access to me. Direct lifeline right to me. Less than a hundred dollars a month.
Lora Cheadle [00:21:10]:
It’s such a no brainer. It is such a no brainer. So please leave a review like and subscribe to the show so you can get updates and oh my gosh, reach out. Let’s do this together. Lora cheadle.com L O R A C H E a d l e.com send me an email. Find me on social. I’m everywhere. That is what makes me unique and special.
Lora Cheadle [00:21:47]:
I’m here one on one for you. Been there, done that, found my way through. Let me be your lifeline. So now onto confidence. And before we get into confidence, not joking, I want you to shimmy a little bit. And you’re probably sitting there in your car on your walk thinking, what the heck is she talking about? I am way too broken to shimmy. That’s the point. Shimmy your shoulders.
Lora Cheadle [00:22:14]:
Front, back, front, back. One side, Left, right, left, right. Shimmy those shoulders. Go a little bit faster. I don’t care if you don’t feel it, don’t feel like it, do it anyway. And here’s why. Shimming your shoulders moves your heart. You have been through a major heartbreak.
Lora Cheadle [00:22:34]:
That energy is all around your heart. Shimmy it out. Shimmy that heartbreak away. Shimmy, shimmy, shimmy. Shake, shake, shake. Shimming also stimulates breathing. I am a somatic attachment therapist, which means I use movement to help you process big emotions. When you move your shoulders in a simple shimmy, you stir up that heartbreak and you release it out of your body.
Lora Cheadle [00:23:03]:
Shimmy, shimmy, shimmy. There we go. Big breath. And now let’s go. Okay. Flow with this episode, the shattering the truth about Confidence. Naked Self Worth. How to rebuild from the inside out and why confidence is a choice that you make daily the shattering.
Lora Cheadle [00:23:29]:
The shock of betrayal is. Is so real. I know. My deepest thought was, how could this happen to me? I’m Lora Cheadle. How could this happen to me? This is not something that happens to me. I’m good. I’m really good at relationships. I’m pretty, I’m communicative, I love connection.
Lora Cheadle [00:23:55]:
I. I’m enthusiastic. I do all the things right. How could this happen to me? So that state of disbelief. I’m not a jerk who’s out there cheating on my partner, who’s out there not listening to their requests. I’m not shutting people down. How could this happen to me? Because good things happen to good people and bad things happen to bad people. And this was not my marriage.
Lora Cheadle [00:24:24]:
My husband and I were smart. We’re together, we’re all the things. So that first shock was so real. Not just that the betrayal happened, but how could that happen to me? It’s like a non smoker getting lung cancer. You go, wait, what? How did that happen? That doesn’t make sense. Followed closely by self recrimination. How did I not see this? How could I have been so blind that all of this was going on and I didn’t know it? How could I not see this? Why am I so stupid? Is my intuition broken? Am I being naive? How did I not know it? And if I didn’t know it before, what do. What else do I not know? And then in the future, how am I ever going to trust again? Because clearly I’ve screwed it up already and I can’t trust myself.
Lora Cheadle [00:25:34]:
So what’s to become of me? Which leads to this huge loss of confidence. How can I even be enough? How can I even. Not that I had suicidal ideations, but I did have the thought, like, how can I even live? How can I be so stupid and worthless that I even have a right to take up space on this planet? Because how for 15 years could I be so stupid? How could I be so naive? How could I be so arrogant? How could I be so. Whatever it was. And to make matters worse, how could I be betrayed by the one person who I thought had my back? Not only like everything out there was falling apart, but everything inside it was falling apart. And although our partners do not cheat because the affair partner is prettier, hotter, sexy or whatever, we think that that’s the case in our minds because the media and society tells us. They tell us that somehow we have not been chosen because we’re not good enough. So I would look at my husband’s Affair partners who were like, oh, my God, they were so much worse than me.
Lora Cheadle [00:27:04]:
And I think, oh, I must be so bottom of the barrel if he thought that woman was worth cheating on me for. What does she have that I don’t have? What is so magical and amazing about her that I can’t even measure up? And I. And I know some of you have a similar story. And then also some of you have partners who have an affair partner who you’re like, oh, wow. Younger, hotter. No way. That is not me. That is not me.
Lora Cheadle [00:27:48]:
I have never had that kind of a body or that kind of a chest or that kind of whatever. And what I want to say to you is, it doesn’t matter what your affair part, husband’s affair, partner looks like, because whatever it is that they look like, you’re going to compare yourself and you’re going to be confused and you’re going to find yourself lacking in some way. Whether you’re like, well, I know what I’m lacking there, or whether you’re like, I have no idea, but clearly I’m lacking. You’re going to start playing that game with yourself. And it’s a game that you can never win because that’s not what it’s about. Are you ready for a truth bomb? Because I’m going to give you a truth bomb. When your partner cheats, they’re finding somebody who is, like, validating them. It’s not that they have this true connection.
Lora Cheadle [00:28:36]:
They found somebody who won’t question them. They have found somebody who’s like, yes, you’re wonderful. Yes, you’re amazing. Yes. And they’re like, duh. It’s not connection. They have found somebody who lies in the same way that they lie. And it feels so snuggly good that they have found someone willing to join them in their delusion, because it is a delusion.
Lora Cheadle [00:29:03]:
They have found someone who will lie to them, and they have found someone who will join them in their delusion that this is amazing, because what kind of a person helps somebody cheat? Affair partners will trash you. They will trash your family. They will tell and affirm the affair partner. Oh, my God, you’re going to be so much happier with me, you poor thing. You put up with what? Oh, my gosh, she doesn’t even get you. I get you. They create lies. Your partner is creating lies.
Lora Cheadle [00:29:38]:
The affair partner is creating lies. They join each other in this delusion and they have this little happy deluded party that’s not going to last because it’s a foundation of Lies. So we’re comparing ourselves to somebody who’s lying. We’re comparing ourselves to is to somebody who is colluding in denial. Whoa. There is no comparison, sweetheart. There is no comparison. I don’t care who you are or what you look like, there is no comparison.
Lora Cheadle [00:30:10]:
Hands down, that should increase your confidence. And that kind of goes into the second flow that I want to talk about the truth, the truth about confidence, because we’re talking about the truth here. Confidence isn’t a feeling. Confidence is a frequency. Confidence isn’t a feeling. Confidence is a frequency. And the reason that I kind of told the story about the other woman is because there’s some frequency and there’s some confidence in that that I want to explain and I want you to tap into. How many of you have thought, I can’t believe the other woman was so bold.
Lora Cheadle [00:30:55]:
I can’t believe my partner was so bold. Who are they to lean in to do all of this really bad hurtful stuff? That’s a level of confidence. That’s that frequency of I can do this, I can do this. I can do this. It’s a frequency of confidence that is built on lies and delusion. But look how far it carried them. Look how far it carried them. Now, I want you to think about what that power could be done, used for good.
Lora Cheadle [00:31:36]:
What can that confidence power create? What can that frequency of being unstoppable and deserving, what can that do for you? How can you tap into that frequency of knowing of goodness, of worth that is not conditional? Because as I said earlier, confidence is unconditional. Confidence is unconditional. If somebody chooses you or doesn’t choose you, how can your level of confidence be the same if you look amazing or awful, if you were at absolutely your goal weight, or if you’re 50 pounds heavy, if you were in great shape and can flex those biceps, or if you haven’t set foot in a gym in a hundred years and you really don’t feel strong, how can you tap into that frequency of confidence, that frequency of knowing that you are good enough? That frequency of feeling like you have been chosen because you have chosen yourself. Now, earlier I said, shimmy your shoulders. Move that around. Now what I want you to do is pull those shoulders down and back and I want you to rotate those arms in. You can reach out where your palms are facing up and then just shift your arms back a little bit, really opening your chest and your heart, but more importantly, lifting your solar plexus. The solar plexus is that little triangle region between your ribs, and you might touch it there, and it’s delicate, it’s.
Lora Cheadle [00:33:30]:
It’s sensitive. Like, if you push in, you’re like, oh, that kind of hurts. And that’s the place that if you were to get punched, you. Your diaphragm would lock up and you wouldn’t be able to breathe for a while. If you’ve ever had the wind knocked out of you, that’s your power center. Stretch your arms out. Sit up tall. Lift that power center.
Lora Cheadle [00:33:51]:
It’s not about lifting our chest, by the way. It’s about lifting that power center. If you want to put a hand on your power center and just kind of tap it so you feel it, that’s great. And then keeping that carriage of the ribs, keeping that upper body carriage, that lifting of that power center. Drop your arms and take a couple of breaths. And I want you to feel what it’s like to be the chosen one, whatever that means for you. Maybe the chosen one goes back to childhood, when you were the chosen sibling or the chosen one in a dance competition or the chosen one in a sporting event. Or maybe you weren’t the chosen one, but you really wanted to be it go all the way back to childhood, move into high school or college or wherever you started dating.
Lora Cheadle [00:34:54]:
Feel how it felt to be chosen by somebody, to be approached by somebody. And notice sometimes there’s this weird ambivalence. Sometimes it’s like, oh, that’s not the person that I wanted to choose me. Oh, my God, now they’re a stalker. Feel how it felt, though, to be chosen by the person that you wanted to choose you. Where you’re like, ooh, that feels amazing. Feel how it feels, feels to be chosen at work, to be chosen in whatever area feels good for you. Like, yeah, feel how good it feels just to be out in public and have somebody smile at you or to give you a compliment.
Lora Cheadle [00:35:53]:
Feel how special it feels. Sometimes it’s like the energy of being in love, Whether it’s with a partner, whether it’s being in love with your child or an animal. Feel that zhuzhi in love feeling and let it fill you. Not only could that be the frequency of love or whatever, but it is the frequency of confidence. Because you know that something special has just happened to you. You know that something special. You know that other people are seeing inside of you, what you know is there. Other people have deemed you worthy.
Lora Cheadle [00:36:47]:
Other people have seen you. This is about that deep level of seeing. Somebody has seen the goodness in my heart. Somebody has seen the goodness in My soul. Somebody has seen how hard I try and how worthy I am and what a blessing I could be to them and their life. There is such a myth that when we’re chosen, it makes us worthy. When we’re promoted, it makes us worthy when what ever. When in truth, we’re the ones that need to choose ourselves because other people can’t see in us what we can’t see in ourselves.
Lora Cheadle [00:37:37]:
Other people can’t love us more than we love ourselves. Other people can’t choose us more than we choose ourselves. And that’s what naked self worth is about. It’s a sense of worth that is generated inside you because you know who you are, not because somebody has chosen you, not because somebody else has seen it, but because of who you are. It is completely unconditional. And it can feel so triggering. And once you move through that trigger, it is also the most liberating thing that can ever happen to you. And I do mean that.
Lora Cheadle [00:38:38]:
Here’s why it’s triggering one. The word naked can be very triggering, especially to people who have gone through infidelity. I know there was a part of me that was like, urge breaks on. I, I can’t think about sex, I can’t think about nudity. I can’t like, I can’t think about any of that right now. Naked self worth is about you and you. It’s about loving and honoring and respecting and cherishing yourself. It can also be so triggering because people are like, well, yeah, I’ll just get lazy if none of it matters, I’ll just get lazy.
Lora Cheadle [00:39:26]:
No you won’t. Oh my gosh, no you won’t. Because you have so much self worth, you know what you’re capable of. You will actually do more. It’s like that Marianne Williamson quote about, our real fear is not that we’re not enough. Our real fear is of being powerful, is of understanding and realizing how powerful we are, how able we are to create our lives, our realities, how much change we can create in those around us. That is our real fear is of how powerful we are. And that’s what naked self worth is about.
Lora Cheadle [00:40:14]:
It’s not that you’re going to get lazy because, yeah, I love myself no matter what I look like. It’s that we realize how much is inside of us and how much worth we have. And that in this one short life, oh my gosh, we need to lean in. There is no time for victimization in this life. There is no time for pain and resentment and shutdown and fear. I have all of this inside and it’s got to come out and it deserves to come out. And I am going to let it flow out. And because of that I’m going to even be better.
Lora Cheadle [00:40:54]:
I’m going to be better than I ever was. Because now I’m working, because I get to now I’m creating because there is nothing left for me to do but create. Instead of constantly hustling to prove my worth. I am not seeking to prove anything to anyone anymore. I am just dropping into me and I am letting it flow. And that’s power. And you can only get to that place of power when you truly embrace that naked self worth and when you see yourself as the divine spark that you are. The other day we, Sean, my husband and I went on a hike and then we stopped by a sandwich place for lunch after which was great.
Lora Cheadle [00:41:39]:
And I saw this man and this woman sitting on a patio and. And he had a tank top on that said faithful follower. And I kept looking at it and something was stirring inside. And it took me a while to put it together. And finally I turned to Sean and I said, oh my gosh, this tank top is cracking me up. Because that phrase is so misunderstood. Sean’s like, what are you talking about? And I said, faithful follower. That has been interpreted to, to mean I need to be a faithful follower of Jesus.
Lora Cheadle [00:42:13]:
I need to be humbled and on my knees and saying, tell me what to do, tell me what to do. Lead me, lead me, lead me. And that is such a mischaracterization. Being a faithful follower means act as Jesus acted. Do what he did. God is a creator. God created us as creators. I don’t care if you don’t like the word God use universe.
Lora Cheadle [00:42:38]:
We were created as creators. Being a faithful follower means to create. Being a faithful follower means to go out and build and do and flow. It doesn’t mean to say, I don’t know, I don’t know. You tell me. I don’t know. You tell me. When God created the world, did he she say, tell me what to create.
Lora Cheadle [00:43:05]:
I don’t know what to create. Oceans, seas, lands, animals. You tell me. I don’t know. I’m the creator, but you tell me. No, no, no, no, no. It’s created from the creative being. You are that creative being.
Lora Cheadle [00:43:20]:
What are you going to create? Be the faithful follower by following in his footsteps, which is being a creator, which is creating the world. Of course you can ask for directions if you want, but lean in and be the faithful follower and walk in his footsteps by creating by making it up yourself, by leaning in and then adjusting if you don’t like what you have created. And that’s really that process of owning your naked self worth, being like, yeah, it is me and I can be the creator. It’s stripping away that illusion that somebody else knows better. It’s stripping away the illusion that I am being led somewhere and I don’t want it, but I can do this. It’s stripping away all of those limitations and it’s stepping back into your divinity. Whatever that means to you is letting go of that external and it’s moving to that internal, that knowingness, that power, that creation. I don’t know what it looks like to create a world, but I’m going to do it in six days.
Lora Cheadle [00:44:38]:
And doing it. That’s what naked self worth is about. It’s about that knowingness. How you rebuild your confidence after infidelity is from the inside out. You might need the mental realization. That’s why I’ve given you several ideas and examples, like be the faithful follower. By creating, by going out. It might be the movement, like the shimmy and the sitting up tall and lifting our solar plexus.
Lora Cheadle [00:45:12]:
It might be by speaking and by using our voice. I have talked a lot. I’ve got a couple different shows on this. I’ve talked a lot about sacred rage and the power of rage. And one of the things that I don’t talk enough about, but we’re going to lean into next, over the next few episodes, is that sacred joy. Sacred rage and sacred joy are both strong, big emotions. It’s just that they’re on different ends of the spectrum. And I want you to think about the image of somebody screaming, crying out in rage, and that open throat, open chest, voice to the sky roar that comes out.
Lora Cheadle [00:46:07]:
And then I want you to think about that sacred joy. Arms out, chest to the sky, laughter, whoop. Whatever it is. For sacred joy, it’s a very similar body position. It’s that and it’s that. It’s a similar body position. Somatically, it’s similar. Creating that noise in the back of the throat stimulates the vagus nerve, which means it stimulates your anatomic nervous system.
Lora Cheadle [00:46:41]:
So it can help regulate you. It can help flow some of that energy and get it directed towards what you want. Whether you’re in a state of rage still and you need to let some of that out, in which case, do. Or whether you feel like so much of that is out. I’ve cried to the point that I don’t think I can cry anymore. I have screamed, I have collapsed, I have done all that. Then it might be time to lean into that sacred joy. And oh, my gosh, I get that sometimes it’s hard to lean into that joy because we feel afraid.
Lora Cheadle [00:47:22]:
We feel afraid that if I get too happy, it might be taken away from me, and that’s terrifying. But over the next few weeks, we are going to talk about that sacred joy and how to move into that sacred joy, which is rebuilding you on the inside, rebuilding you on the inside, allowing space for rage, a space for sadness within that container of joy. Because I think that’s one of the things that is a misnomer. We think when I’m rebuilding myself that I. I’m only selecting the bricks that I want. I’m going to rebuild a happy life. We also have to rebuild with a room for joy and a room for sadness, with a room for rage and a room for grief. I am rebuilding myself as a fully functional human, which means I have space for all the emotions that I also don’t want to feel.
Lora Cheadle [00:48:40]:
It’s just that those emotions that I don’t want to feel will no longer completely consume me and knock me down. Because I have rebuilt myself with this structure of confidence, of power, of serenity, of peace, of joy. And I can run the fear through me and let it go. I can run the shame and the grief and the rage through me and let it go. Because confidence is a choice that we make every day. You’ve probably heard about mirror work, and there’s some really powerful things about mirror work. A simple thing. A simple thing to do is to look in the mirror, look at yourself, make high contact, and just say, I choose me.
Lora Cheadle [00:49:30]:
I choose you. Oh, my gosh, I choose me. Consciously choosing yourself a choice, even if you don’t have a lot of emotion behind it, and you’re like, yeah, no, say it. I choose myself. Think that when you’re tasked with making a decision, oh, my gosh. Making a decision is hard, isn’t it? Before you make that decision, say, I choose myself, and then lean into the pro cons of that decision. Another thing that’s huge is reclaiming joy without guilt. As women, we have been conditioned that we have to do the work first, right? We don’t have to do the work first.
Lora Cheadle [00:50:21]:
We get to do the joy first, and we can do the work afterwards. How often do you put joy first? This is a practice shift that I’d like you to start integrating in your life. Put the joy first. Trust me, there’s Going to be time for the work. There’s always time for the work. Put the joy first. Now, I’m not necessarily saying go to Disneyland all day long and then come home and wonder why you didn’t get things done. But what I am saying is, what are those joyful moments that you can create? Is it a walk? Is it reading a chapter? Is it calling a friend? Is it getting some really nice lotions that you love the smell of? Is it investing in a beauty routine that just feels good? Getting a massage, having a facial? What are those things that you can invest in that bring you joy? Sometimes in my sessions with people, we just do some like, joy rampages.
Lora Cheadle [00:51:25]:
Because people just get stagnant and, and they get stuck and they’re like, I’ve worked so hard. And it’s like, well, then let’s just have a little joy rampage, shall we? Let’s laugh, let’s dance. Let’s rampage on the joy and get that energy flowing. Because when that frequency is high, when it’s in that state of joy, you can create worlds. You can make decisions that are in alignment with your highest good. And where did that guilt come from anyway? Where did that guilt come from anyway? It came from a society that benefited when we put ourselves last. If somebody else benefits when you put yourself last, then they’re going to train that guilt into you to keep you behaving a certain way. Oh, my gosh, let’s break that one down.
Lora Cheadle [00:52:19]:
You feeling good is your first priority. Nobody else is going to take care of you. There should be no guilt in taking care of yourself and choosing joy because you deserve it, because that is your birthright. And if you need a little extra twisting the knife motivation. Do you think your partner, when they were cheating, felt into guilt or into entitlement? They probably moved into that sense of entitlement. We are not talking about entitlement here. We are talking about grounded birthright joy. If you have that scale, guilt, grounded birthright joy, entitlement.
Lora Cheadle [00:53:08]:
Where do you think the affair fell in? It fell into the entitlement realm. That is not the realm you are going to. You are going into that birthright realm. It had your partner gone into that realm, what different decisions do you think they would have made? If they were feeling really bad about themselves and they were healthy and they were confident, do you think they would have cheated? Heck no. Because they would have valued themselves so much more. They would have realized they were worthy of so much more. Had they had true confidence and they would be feeling this way, they would have reached out to you, to a coach, to a therapist, to somebody to get support so they could feel better because they realized, wow, I deserve to feel healthy. I deserve more than this.
Lora Cheadle [00:53:59]:
There’s something wrong with me. I need to work on my childhood issues, alcoholism, career failures. I need to work on expressing myself. So think about that scale. You’re not moving into entitlement. You finding joy. You taking it a morning off. You taking 20 minutes to go outside in bare feet.
Lora Cheadle [00:54:24]:
You calling me and having a session and having a joy rampage. You spending some time on social media, finding something fun and funny. Nothing to feel guilty about. Let confidence become your anchor, not your outcome. Let confidence be your anchor, not your outcome. Because when you live from a sense of I am worthy, when you live from a place of confidence, the things that you do are in alignment with that. And you don’t make poor choices. You don’t make poor choices because you know you’re worthy.
Lora Cheadle [00:55:08]:
You have chosen yourself and you have let that frequency of I am powerful, I am worthy permeate everything that you do. And you are going to heal with more integrity and you are going to be able to hold space better with your your partner because you’re not triggered anymore, because you’ve chosen yourself. And you know that you don’t need to be triggered anymore because you know that their decisions can impact you anyway. You’re going to be a better parent, a better friend. You’re going to be a better human being when you run that frequency of confidence, of naked self worth through everything that you do. So look in the mirror and say, I choose me. Before you make any decisions, whether it’s what to have for dinner or where you’re going on vacation, or whether or not you think you want to work things out with your partner. Say I choose myself.
Lora Cheadle [00:56:16]:
I choose myself. And then think about the decision that you’re going to make. Think about the things that you have relied on in the past to build your confidence and work on releasing those, Just releasing them move into your soul as the divine Creator, as a faithful follower in creation, Enjoy in beauty. You thought you were confident, he cheated. And now what? Now you get to move into what authentic confidence looks like. Now you get to let go of all of those external markers of confidence and move into real confidence. Ah, it’s been such an honor to spend this time with you. This is not easy, but it’s very simple.
Lora Cheadle [00:57:21]:
It’s a process with steps. Reach out. We’ll go through the FL process together and we’ll start rebuilding your confidence, your sense of naked self worth. I can’t wait for the next few shows with you because we’re going to lean fully into Joy. We’re going to lean fully into how to rebuild this. Today was a huge overview. We’re going to get way more into the how tos. Have an amazing week, and as usual, always remember to flaunt exactly who you are, because who you are is always more than enough.
Laura Cheadle [00:58:03]:
Tune in next time to flaunt, find your sparkle and create a life you love after Infidelity or Betrayal. Betrayal with Lora Cheadle every Wednesday at 7am and 7pm Eastern Standard Time on syndicated DreamVision 7 radio network. Uncover the truth of what’s possible for you on the other side of betrayal, and develop the skills and strategies necessary to embrace the future and flourish today. Download your free Betrayal Recovery toolkit@betrayalrecoveryguide.com.