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Narrator [00:00:01]:
You’re listening to Flaunt, find your sparkle and create a life you love after infidelity or betrayal. A podcast for women who’ve been betrayed by their intimate partner and want to turn their devastation into an invitation to reclaim them selves and their worth. Tune in weekly so you can start making sense of it all and learn how to be okay on the inside no matter what goes on on the outside. Download your free betrayal recovery toolkit at betrayalrecoveryguide.com.

Lora Cheadle [00:00:35]:
Life can really knock you down sometimes, especially after a tough breakup or when someone betrays your trust. It’s hard to remember your own value when the people who should have treasured you didn’t. But I’m here to tell you that loving yourself again is possible even after infidelity. It takes time and intentional effort, but it can be done. That’s where the Mindful Souls subscription box comes in. It’s like getting a monthly dose of me time delivered straight to your door. Inside, you’ll find all sorts of goodies, natural crystals, gorgeous gem jewelry, essential oils, and many other pampering tools. It’s a nice little reminder that, hey, you do deserve to feel good.

Lora Cheadle [00:01:22]:
I know that most of you are crazy busy. You’ve got a ton of people counting on you and taking care of yourself usually ends up at the bottom of your to do list. But that’s what’s so great about this subscription. They don’t just deliver everything you need for your self care moments. They also give you real, practical tips on how to make self care work for you no matter how hectic your life gets. I have been a die hard fan of the Mindful Box for a while now, so the Mindful Souls family sent me a special treat for all of you. If you use the discount code Lora 25, you’ll get 25% off your order. That’s l o r a 25.

Lora Cheadle [00:02:05]:
So head over to mindful souls.com and grab your box. Hello, and welcome to FLAUNT!, create a life you love after infidelity or betrayal. I’m Lora Cheadle, and today we are going to zoom out, and we are going to talk about the betrayal journey. We are going to talk about the entire infidelity and betrayal recovery journey as a whole because one of the things that I’ve noticed in working with clients, either individually or 1 on 1, is it’s so easy. It’s so easy to get sucked in, and you can’t see the forest for the trees. And a lot of my shows, we examine the individual tree. We talk about things like obsessive thoughts. We talk about things like, what would it look like if I got a divorce? We talk about things like, how do you decide if you’re gonna stay or go? We talk about things like, is your partner truly changing? We talk about all those individual trees.

Lora Cheadle [00:03:16]:
We talk about all the individual issues, and that’s really important. But I also think it is vitally important sometimes to zoom back out and to look at the journey so you know where you’re at, so you know where you’re going, and so you can start understanding the big picture. Because, oh my god, this is a tough journey. This is one tough journey. It’s emotional. It’s deeply emotional. It shatters your identity, your self confidence, your self worth. It literally pulls the rug out from under you.

Lora Cheadle [00:04:00]:
It changes your memories of the past. It changes your anticipated future. It makes you think, holy cow. What’s wrong with me? Why didn’t I see it? And I think most importantly, it also makes you wonder, why is this even fair? I am a good person. I tried hard. I sacrificed for the marriage. Was I perfect? No. But I really gave it a darn good effort.

Lora Cheadle [00:04:30]:
So why would this happen to me? Why do good things happen to bad people when I loved, I cared, I was faithful, I tried, I sacrificed, I picked up the slack. Those are the questions that hurt, and those are the questions that really disrupt your entire worldview and leave you feeling stunned, Leave you feeling totally disappointed. Leave you feeling like, why would I even bother trying again? Why did I even bother? If I gave all that I could give and this is what I end up with, why would I try again? This is not what I signed up for. And when you have an attitude like that and it’s totally understandable, and trust me, I had an attitude like that for a long time too. But when you have an attitude like that, it’s easy to get stuck in it. And when you’re stuck in it, then you remain bitter and resentful your whole life. And the thing is, how many lives do you get? You get one. Even if you believe in reincarnation, this is the only time through on this life, isn’t it? How are you going to be? How are you going to experience? Are you going to allow your partner and the affair partners to truly take away your happiness for the rest of your life? Oh my gosh.

Lora Cheadle [00:06:00]:
You’re giving away an awful lot if you allow that. And you know what? I work with so many people, both individually and in a group setting. And I work with so many people, and they say to me they literally say these words, Lora, I will never heal I will never get over this. And here’s the thing. You will. You can and you will, and it’s gonna take time, and you will always have this memory, and your view will be changed. Yes. But you will get over it if you want to get over it.

Lora Cheadle [00:06:38]:
It’s a tough journey, but you will get over it. And I think that’s the place that I want to start is by asking you that same question. Do you wanna take your life back? Do you want to be happy again? Do you wanna come back home to yourself? Do you wanna reclaim everything that you wanted but that you let go of along the way? And if there’s even the tiniest fiber in your being that’s like, yeah. Yeah. I let go of a heck of a lot along the way. I sacrificed. I really worked hard, and I kinda wanna reclaim some of that. I do wanna take my life back.

Lora Cheadle [00:07:21]:
Then listen up because I know how to help you do that, and we’re gonna talk about that today. Betrayal, I believe, is an initiation. It’s initiation it’s an initiation that very few of us expect. It’s an initiation that very few of us are prepared for, a very few of us want, but it’s something that, ready or not, when we are called, we get this initiation. And, yeah, you bet. It’s an initiation by fire that burns away all illusion. All illusion. And, yeah, it leaves you stunned.

Lora Cheadle [00:08:09]:
It leaves you shattered. It leaves you stunned. But if you let it, it also leaves you radically clear and confident, and it allows you the opportunity to come back home to yourself and to reclaim everything that you let go of along the way. Because here’s what else I wanna say. We let go of so much along the way. It’s like the proverbial frog in the pot where the temperature keeps getting turned up slowly and the frog doesn’t realize that it’s slowly being boiled to death. That’s unfortunately life for most of us. We get in a relationship and we think it’s good, and slowly some bad behavior happens, and we think, oh, wow.

Lora Cheadle [00:08:56]:
That’s some bad behavior, and we let something go. And then we’re busy, and we’re exhausted, and our partners are busy and exhausted, and we start disconnecting. And then we feel lonely, and then we reach out and try to reconnect, and it doesn’t work. And then we just get disgusted. And then we read some books, and we try to get our partners to change. And maybe we do some marriage counseling, and maybe we have some good moments, and then maybe we don’t. And then we’re just busy. And there’s laundry, and there’s dishes, and there’s work, and there might be kids or animals.

Lora Cheadle [00:09:33]:
And we’re still lonely, but we don’t know what to do about it. Or we read a whole lot, and we understand things, but we don’t really know how to implement it. Or we try to implement something, but then before long we’re triggered and we just go back to our regular behavior and nothing much changes. And then infidelity happens and suddenly we have this look back period and we’re horrified and we’re embarrassed and we’re ashamed and we’re mad because this is not what I signed up for. This is not what I deserve. This is not fair, and why do I have to clean up this mess that he made? And why am I now forced to have been the one that has to make decisions? Why do I have to ruin my family because he did this? And it’s not fair. But that’s your initiation point. Because the truth of the matter is an initiation has to be at a time where we let everything go.

Lora Cheadle [00:10:47]:
Otherwise, it’s just like everything else in your past. Otherwise, it’s just like when you read that book or find that program and you swear things are gonna change, but they don’t. You eat the doughnut. You skip the workout. You start nagging, and pretty soon you’re too tired and just go to bed. You have to, not you personally, one has to Kind of get to that crisis point in order for a real true soul initiation to take place. So was this betrayal a catastrophe? Absolutely. Are you gonna be sad and mad and scared and bitter and ticked off? Absolutely.

Lora Cheadle [00:11:35]:
But it’s also an initiation, and that’s why it’s so important to zoom back out and to look at this overarching structure. What’s going on? I have a long life. Here I am in the middle of my timeline somewhere. What does this mean? It means you’re at the beginning. It means you’re at an initiation point. Now one of my favorite movies is the matrix. I love that whole series, but the original movie is powerful. And if you haven’t seen it for a while, I encourage you to watch it again after listening to this show.

Lora Cheadle [00:12:18]:
At the beginning of the movie, Neo, he’s the main character, he’s Keanu Reeves, and he gets initiated into what’s really going on. If it’s been a while, what it is is machines have taken over the world, and they are keeping humans in pods, and they are, like, entertaining their brains by putting them in this virtual collective matrix. So humans think they’re living this life, but in reality, it’s just a programmed matrix, and their bodies are laying in these pods and they’re being harvested for, I think it was, like, for their bioelectric field, something like that. So the initiation point is when the truth is uncovered to Neo. And that’s what I always say is betrayal uncovers the truth, not just about your partner and what’s been going on, but also about you and what’s about to happen and what you are capable of becoming. So that’s an initiation point. And when Neo gets this call, gets the information, starts learning that this is what’s really true. At first, he thinks, no, I’m not gonna accept this initiation.

Lora Cheadle [00:13:36]:
I’m gonna bury my head in the sand. And he he doesn’t accept the call. He literally there there’s a lot of phone calls going on, but he literally doesn’t accept it. He runs away. And when he wakes up, he thinks it was just a bad dream. He’s had this nightmare where his mouth is stitched together, and they put a bug, like a real life bug in his belly button. And he thinks, oh, wow. I woke up.

Lora Cheadle [00:14:06]:
What a crazy awful dream. And he’s kind of relieved because this dream has gone away, and he doesn’t have to see the truth. He can go back to the illusion. And then he realizes, no, that actually wasn’t a dream. Trinity kidnaps him and pulls the bug out of him, and he starts realizing that wasn’t a dream. That really happened. And I want you to liken that to your betrayal journey, to you finding out about your partner’s infidelity because if you’re anything like me, I would have given my soul to have it not be true. The thing that I wanted more than anything was for it to be a bad dream.

Lora Cheadle [00:14:53]:
And for me to be able to wake up and be like, woah, honey. I had this dream. It was awful. And for it not to be true. And like Neo in the matrix, and like you, and like me, sadly, it was not a bad dream. It was true. And it takes a while to accept that reality. And that is one place you might be on the betrayal recovery journey.

Lora Cheadle [00:15:22]:
You might be in that place where you’re kind of bargaining. I don’t think it was really that bad. Well, it was only physical or it was only emotional or it was only a one night stand or it was only where you’re giving your mind and your body and your heart and your soul time to process and time to come to terms with it. And that’s a normal place to be. And you might be there a while And you might want to go back to that comfort for long periods of time, and that’s okay. But what I want you to know is it’s not a bad dream. It’s real. Give yourself grace and space and time to come to terms with it, But this is your initiation.

Lora Cheadle [00:16:14]:
The truth has been uncovered about your partner, about you, but most importantly, about what’s possible next. Most importantly about now is the time you can come back home to yourself. Now is your fresh start. This is an initiation, and initiations are painful. But we initiate into something higher. Initiations are higher. You don’t initiate into something worse. You have ascended.

Lora Cheadle [00:16:51]:
You have risen. You have moved through things. You have developed the strength and the skill and the tools, and you have resources even if you don’t feel like it. You have the strength and the skill and the resources to handle it right now. Or guess what? This initiation would not have found you. You have the tools and the strength or the skill ready. You can handle this or this initiation would not have found you, and I promise you that. But I also promise that like me, I’m sure you don’t want it.

Lora Cheadle [00:17:34]:
Like me, I’m sure you’re like, no. It’s fine. I will stay in the dark. I will stay comfortable, and it’s gonna be okay. Going back to the Matrix movie, And I know I’m just giving, like, the high level summary. But once Neo accepts, oh my gosh, this is real. He is offered a choice, And it’s the classic choice that I’m sure you have heard about a 1000000 times, the red pill or the blue pill. If you take the red pill, you are firmly entrenched in reality and you know what’s up.

Lora Cheadle [00:18:14]:
And now you get to start creating that reality, working in that reality, rebuilding, taking back who you used to be. Humans used to be active bodies in a real world, not just living in a matrix. So the red pill allows you to come back home to yourself, to take back your body, to take back your life, to take back your future and your feelings and your emotions and all of those things. Or you take the blue pill and you forget what’s real. And you go back into this comfortable, comfortable matrix that’s just a simulation. It’s not real. And your body lays there in a pod being passively fed and kept, and the energy being harvested, and you just live in this simulation in your brain. And that’s the choice.

Lora Cheadle [00:19:07]:
That is the invitation. I like to say betrayal, finding out D Day, is the initiation, the initiation by fire that burns away the illusion. And once you’ve come to terms with that and accepted it, that’s when you get an invitation, The invitation to choose. And choice is important, especially after infidelity because when your partner cheats on you, they take away your choice. They take away your ability to choose because they are keeping from you pertinent information. Information like this relationship is not exclusive. This relationship is not what you think it is. You are living your whole life under false pretenses, and I am gaslighting you.

Lora Cheadle [00:19:58]:
I’m gaslighting you. When your partner cheats, they take away your power of choice because all they’re doing is feeding you illusion and story. So d day happens. It’s the initiation. Once you come to terms with it, you have the invitation to choose, and it’s hard to make choices. I just kinda wanna start there. Choosing is hard. Choosing is really hard because we all have that fear.

Lora Cheadle [00:20:30]:
Well, what if I make the wrong decision? What if I make the wrong decision? And what I wanna say to you is, what if you make the wrong decision? I’ve made a million wrong decisions. You probably have too. What if? Well, choose again. Deal with the consequences. Learn. Is it fun to make the wrong decision? Heck no. Are you going to make the wrong decision? Often. Yes.

Lora Cheadle [00:21:03]:
But when you return home to your heart, when you reconnect to your intuition, when you hire professionals who have been there too to help you, your odds of making a good choice increase exponentially. So just like the Neo in the in the matrix choosing between the red pill and the blue pill, you 2 have a choice. Your choice isn’t just like his, forget or move in, but it’s what am I gonna do with this information? What am I gonna do with this? Am I gonna go on the journey and heal? Am I going to reconstruct my reality around what is instead of what I thought was? Or am I gonna kinda crumple? Am I gonna crumple in? Am I am I going to wither and fade forever, or am I gonna get back into life? Withering and crumpling is totally normal for a while for a while. Just like struggling to come to terms with what is is normal for a while, so is crumpling and shutting down normal for a while. But if you’ve been in that space of shutdown and giving up and crumbling, truly for longer than 6 months, oh my goodness. Please reach out. Please, please, please reach out. We need to get you feeling good again because this is your life.

Lora Cheadle [00:22:43]:
This is your life, and you deserve to feel good. You deserve to have fun. You deserve to enjoy your life. And, yes, grieving is normal, but let’s get back to living. So that’s the invitation. What am I gonna do? Am I gonna stay crumpled and broken forever? If you wanna choose that, fine. But just know what you’re choosing. Zoom out.

Lora Cheadle [00:23:11]:
I am choosing to spend the rest of my life bitter and hate filled and being a man hater and being resentful and telling everybody my story of how I was wronged and how the world is not fair and how I gave everything up for them, and they didn’t appreciate me at all. That’s fine if that’s what you wanna choose. Just be aware that you’re choosing it. And if you’re like, that’s actually really not what I want to choose for my life, then you’re my people because I didn’t wanna choose that either. Yeah. I spent quite a long time being sad and mad, and I can still slip into that. We all can. But the invitation to reclaim myself, to start creating my life was what I wanted.

Lora Cheadle [00:24:00]:
And that’s my next question for you. What do you choose? Is it the red pill and moving forward, moving into a beautiful life that you can find joy and happiness and satisfaction in, maybe into good relationships? Or do you just choose to stay stuck? And then even more specifically, once you choose life, because you are choosing life, you are choosing energy and happiness and positivity. What are you gonna do with that? Because that’s where a lot of the goodness starts. That’s where it gets really good because you’re like, oh, there’s so much here. There is so much here. How do I come back home to myself? What did I let go of along the way? What is a time to bring back in and to create? And that’s where things get really, really fun. Now, before we move on, I wanna say something that I am passionate about. I don’t care if you stay or go in your relationship.

Lora Cheadle [00:25:12]:
It doesn’t matter to me what you choose. But what I need you to know is that divorcing does not get rid of the problem. Leaving your partner does not get rid of the problem. Once you have been betrayed, it’s this initiation. It’s this whole new worldview. Walking away doesn’t heal things. I work with quite a few people who had a betrayal many years ago, and they left, which is fine, which is appropriate, which is good, but they’re still not healed. And that’s one of the biggest frustrations that I have with a lot of people working in the betrayal recovery space.

Lora Cheadle [00:25:57]:
If leaving is appropriate, leaving is appropriate, but it doesn’t heal the betrayal wound. Divorce does not heal the betrayal wound. Leaving does not heal the betrayal wound. Whether you stay or whether you go, you need to heal the betrayal wound. Walking away does not heal it. Walking away might not make it hurt in the short run, but it doesn’t heal the wound. And I wanna be clear. You are going to do betrayal recovery work whether you are in partnership or whether you are alone.

Lora Cheadle [00:26:38]:
And if you don’t heal that wound, let me tell you some of the things that will happen. Future relationships will be compromised, not only with future romantic partners, but business, personal, kids, family, because it’s festering. And there is that fear of betrayal, and there is that bitter resentful belief that, yeah, I can be the total good girl, perfect wife, perfect mom, perfect employee, and they’re gonna burn me anyway. Going forward with that attitude sabotages relationships. Physically, within your own body, if you don’t heal the betrayal wound, you are also setting yourself up for physical problems, whether it’s disease or whether it’s just aches and pains. When you have that much of an emotional charge that is in your body, it very much is like sending too much power through an appliance. It short circuits the wires. It short circuits the appliance.

Lora Cheadle [00:27:53]:
I don’t know about you, but when I found out, it was such an enormous shock to my physical body. So many people throw up. I physically yelled, screamed, fell to the floor, and started gagging. I had a super strong physiological response because that was too much to take in. I was in shock, and most of the women that I talk to have a similar type response. You have to process that energy through the body in a healthy way, or it can continue to circulate and cause issues. Mentally, emotionally, you might always feel, like your head needs to be on a swivel and you have to guard and you have to protect. You’re always in a subtle state of fight, flight, freeze, or even fawn because you’ve been hurt.

Lora Cheadle [00:28:53]:
You’re alert. You’re not gonna let it happen again. Nobody is gonna pull anything over on me. I’m hyper aware. Spiritually, you might feel like, yeah. God betrayed me. I did everything I was supposed to do, and look what it got me, a big fat nothing. It’s essential.

Lora Cheadle [00:29:16]:
It is essential that you do the work to heal that betrayal wound whether you stay or whether you go. Because what matters is moving forward with that wound healed. Again, it doesn’t matter if you stay. It doesn’t matter if you go. What matters is that you do the work. A question that I get a lot is, is it easier together or is it easier apart? And really the answer is it depends because it’s hard in different ways. And my partner and I have walked through a lot together. And you know what? There’s times where I am enormously grateful that we have done this together, and I think, yeah, this is easier.

Lora Cheadle [00:30:08]:
This is better. And there’s times where I think, good lord. I wish I wasn’t dealing with your stuff. I wish I only had my stuff to deal with. It would be easier apart. So I really think it depends. And I also really think in either situation, you’re gonna have thoughts either way. If you divorce, you’re going to have second thoughts saying, what if I would have stayed? Maybe that would have been better.

Lora Cheadle [00:30:33]:
If you stay, of course, you’re gonna have second thoughts. Oh my gosh. Maybe I should have left. Please know that all of that is normal. Now, zooming back out to this overview. Here’s your life, birth to death. Long timeline. Bam.

Lora Cheadle [00:30:54]:
Here you are at d day. D day is the initiation. The initiation that burns away all illusion and tells you you have been living in the matrix. Here’s reality. What are you gonna do about it? Here’s your invitation. Red pill, you’re gonna face this. You’re gonna heal. You are gonna come back home to yourself, and you are gonna reclaim everything you let go of along the way.

Lora Cheadle [00:31:19]:
Or you’re gonna take this blue pill, and you’re just gonna cut and run. You’re gonna do pretend normal. That’s another thing. Sometimes people cut and run, and then they wonder why it didn’t work. And then the other extreme is people are like, we’re just gonna put this behind us. We have agreed that we are going to stay together, and we are just going to put this behind us. No. You can’t just go back to normal.

Lora Cheadle [00:31:44]:
It doesn’t work that way. You can, but it’s not going to work. You don’t just get over it. You don’t just talk about it. Your partner doesn’t just promise to fix things. If you’re going to stay together, you need to work both as cup as an individual and, I’m saying this wrong, both as a couple and as individuals. Staying together requires work, separating requires work. You cannot just put a band aid over a broken leg and be like, yep, it’s all good.

Lora Cheadle [00:32:25]:
I’m holding it together. Doesn’t work that way. So you have this invitation to do the work and to heal. The invitation is to do the work and to heal either alone or together. It doesn’t matter. Or the blue pill is to just cut and run, just to do pretend normal and just ignore it and face the consequences down the line. I don’t know about you, but I am a firm believer that the red pill is the right choice. The red pill is the right choice.

Lora Cheadle [00:32:55]:
Facing the truth now that you’ve seen it, keeping your head out of the sand, and doing the work to heal is the right choice. Like I’ve said, doesn’t matter if you’re together or apart. It’s doing the work. That’s what matters. So this doing the work, this is pretty much what Neo and Trinity and all the characters in the matrix do for the entire movie. They’re doing the work. They’re fighting the machines. They’re learning new skills.

Lora Cheadle [00:33:23]:
They get plugged into these different programs, and they learn all of these different things. That’s the betrayal recovery journey. It’s your training ground. You are now out of the matrix. You are learning how to fight the machine. You are learning how to use your body that has not been used before. You are flexing your muscle of choice. You are making decisions.

Lora Cheadle [00:33:49]:
Your eyes are open, and you are learning. And learning is hard. Learning is awkward. When we learn, we make mistakes. Learning is painful. Think about all the adventures that they have in the movie. And there’s so much violence in the movie, and I don’t necessarily want to like your betrayal recovery journey to fight scenes. But there’s fight scenes that go really well, and there’s fight scenes that don’t go so well.

Lora Cheadle [00:34:21]:
They are constantly searching for the oracle, and the oracle is going to give them the information that they need. And my question to you around that is, what is this mystical oracle that you were looking forward to? What is what is that piece of information that you’re looking for? And I love it in the matrix because they have to go to the oracle to see, is Neo the one? And the one, I just love because isn’t that what we’re wanting to know? Like, is my current partner the one, or is there a new partner coming in who is the one? Or am I gonna find a therapist who is the one who transforms us in our journey? Or can I find a betrayal recovery coach, and she is the one, and she does this for me? Or can I find the book or the podcast or the website? What is that piece of information that will unlock and then will be the key to everything? And, suddenly, everything will fall into place, and I will understand. And I will be like, oh, this is why my partner did it, and this is exactly how we’re gonna fix it. And this is what I need to say, and this is what he needs to do, and then suddenly we’ll be like, it’s all perfect because it was the one. And I really want you to think about that because we all think that there is that one thing out there that will change everything. I will get the job, the partner. I will be at the weight or the salary. I will find the house or the car.

Lora Cheadle [00:36:02]:
This book will change everything, this podcast. I mean, truly think about that. And then as you’re thinking about that, please smile and laugh a little bit because it’s such magical fairy tale thinking. And wouldn’t it be wonderful if we could just read the book and be done with it? Or have the therapist come into our partner and say one thing, and our partner goes, oh my gosh. You’re totally right. I never saw it like that. Holy cow. I am changed.

Lora Cheadle [00:36:33]:
Thing. Wouldn’t that be nice? And I hate to break it to you. It’s not like that, sadly. Sadly, it is not like that. There are many ones. You will find a therapist that works for you. Maybe after seeing 10 therapists who don’t. You might find a paragraph of this book and a chapter of that book and a podcast episode here and something else there, and it will all come together, and then you will start coalescing and figuring things out.

Lora Cheadle [00:37:13]:
And what I wanna say, why I started doing betrayal recovery coaching as a result of my own journey and what I strive to do for you when I work with you is to help you pull together all of those different pieces. Because I am wise enough to know it’s not just one thing. It’s a lot of different things. And, there are many different keys and locks and tumblers. And, once you understand a few things, then other things will be within your reach. And then once you understand those things, then there’ll be other things that you need to transition into. And after you’ve had some time and your partner has had some time and maybe you’re divorcing and maybe you’re not, things evolve. And I want you to think about evolution.

Lora Cheadle [00:38:01]:
I want you to go back to middle school or high school science, and I want you to think about the concept of evolution, how evolution takes place over 1000000 of years. We don’t just ding develop a new species on a Thursday. I just got back from driving in the mountains, and I was driving in a canyon. And there was this sign along the canyon that talked about the water that has run through that canyon for 1000000 of years that carved it out. It’s not one thing. It’s a series of one thing. It’s a series of one thing here and one thing there over time that changes things. And as your coach, I will always be brutally honest about that.

Lora Cheadle [00:38:48]:
I will always help you find the other things that help you. And I will never, never give you false hope that this is it, and this is gonna take care of it because I think there is nothing more cruel than false hope. Is there hope? Yes. Can you be happier than you have ever been before? Yes. Can you create a better life than before? Hands down. Can you have a better relationship? Absolutely. Yes. Is it gonna be easy? Nah.

Lora Cheadle [00:39:21]:
Not necessarily. It’s gonna take a lot of time. You know what? Nothing that is worth fighting for is not worth fighting for. Like, it’s worth it. It’s absolutely worth it. Reclaiming yourself is worth it. Stepping back into your power is worth it. It.

Lora Cheadle [00:39:38]:
Realizing that you control the narrative and you control the story, and you gotta create the next chapter of your life on your terms, realizing that you are connected to your intuition, that you were the divine sovereign queen of your life, Like, there is nothing better than that. You don’t need the mystical magical one. Do not spend $10,000 on programs. Do not spend all of this time and effort in getting your hopes up thinking this one thing is the is the one thing that’s gonna cure it all because it’s not. Keep reaching out. Keep connecting. Keep trying. Let’s have a talk.

Lora Cheadle [00:40:19]:
Let’s have a talk. Reach out to me, Lora@lauracheadle.com.lora@lorecadeled.com. Go to my website, lauracheadle.com. Click on the affair recovery programs. You can work with me. The best option, hands down, is my 6 month program because that is the journey, and I walk with you literally 247. You have 247 access to me. So everything that you need along the way, you send me a box, I give you an answer.

Lora Cheadle [00:40:51]:
We get together once a month. You get weekly emails. I walk next to you. It’s the whole footprints in the sand thing. We can be walking side by side. If you need me to carry you, I’m carrying you. When you’re ready, come back down. It’s not one thing.

Lora Cheadle [00:41:07]:
It’s a 6 month process. So often people are like, why do you wanna do work together for 6 months? I just wanna get this thing over with. You can’t just get things over with. It takes time, and you have to learn, and then you have to apply what you’re learning. And if you don’t apply what you’re learning, then nothing changes. And I am so big on application. You can learn the concepts, but how do you apply them? How does your partner apply it? How do you show up differently every day? And that takes time. And that’s why my number one way of working with you is for 6 months.

Lora Cheadle [00:41:39]:
Yes. I also have a 90 day program, and that’s an excellent start. Yes. You can also work with me in a one off, and that’s wonderful too. You can get all of that on my website, lordtiedel.com. But if you really, really want to accept this invitation and move ahead, it’s 6 months because we’re changing everything. We’re changing your beliefs. We’re changing your thoughts.

Lora Cheadle [00:42:05]:
We’re chain your reality has been shattered. We’re building up a new reality. We’re teaching you how to do things. It’s physical therapy. If you were in a horrible car accident and your spine was shattered, do you think in 90 days you could be up playing volleyball again? No. It’s gonna take time. Your spine is like the center. It’s the backbone of your body, literally and metaphorically.

Lora Cheadle [00:42:33]:
Betrayal shatters your center. It takes time to rebuild. Anybody who tells you elsewise just is giving false hope. So important to be realistic. Your world has shattered. It’s going to take 6 months to start putting it back together. Lora@laurateattle.com. We can do this together.

Lora Cheadle [00:42:58]:
I am not the one, but I will help you find all of the ones. Anyway, back to the matrix. During all of this stuff where they’re downloading new programs, where they’re getting their bodies back in shape, where they’re visiting the Oracle and finding where’s the one. And I love how she’s always like, Nope. Nope. Do you believe it? Do you believe it? Do you believe it? Because it all really hinges on what you believe. Do you want to come back home to yourself? Do you think you are worthy? That’s a big sticking point that so many of us hit. We suffer through the initiation.

Lora Cheadle [00:43:42]:
We take that invitation. Yes. I choose me. And we’re like, I’m coming back home to myself. I’m reclaiming all of this. And then do you know what happens? This voice inside that says, am I really worthy? Can I really do this? Am I really good enough? Maybe. Maybe my partner cheated because I’m not good enough. Maybe I’m being falsely empowered.

Lora Cheadle [00:44:05]:
Maybe this isn’t gonna work for me. And we get discouraged. And you know what happened in the matrix movie at that discouraged point? The one guy on their team, I think his name was cipher. I think it was cipher. 1 guy on the team got discouraged. 1 guy on the team got discouraged and he betrayed everybody else on that team. And he made a deal that he could go back into the matrix and live a comfortable life where he just forgot everything because he was discouraged because it was hard because he didn’t think he was worthy or capable of doing it. So what did he do? He brought everybody else down because of his own lack of self worth, lack of ability to choose himself and to claim, you know what? I am worth it.

Lora Cheadle [00:45:19]:
And that’s a place that a lot of us get to, and a lot of you will get there if you haven’t been there. And what I wanna say is it’s okay. It’s okay to get discouraged. It’s normal and natural to get discouraged. It’s totally acceptable, and it’s totally human. Just about 2 weeks ago, I called some of my friends and I’m like, I am having a self loathing day. And here’s all the things that I’m hating about myself, and here’s all the things that I’m embarrassed, and here’s all the things that I think I messed up. And, you know, my friends call and they, again, pump me up, tell me I’m great, but then they also share their self loathing moments.

Lora Cheadle [00:46:01]:
And it helps. It helps to know that we all question if we’re worthy. We all question if we’re capable. We’re all questioning. Is this gonna work out for me? Especially after you’ve been betrayed, especially after you’ve given it your all and you’ve been burned. Like, of course, you’re gonna question it. You would be kind of crazy not to question it. It’s normal to question it and it’s smart to question it.

Lora Cheadle [00:46:35]:
But what I want you to know is when you’re in that place, allow yourself those feelings, but don’t make any decisions. Don’t make any decisions when you’re feeling low. Just wait. Talk to friends. Talk to your coach. That’s why I do 247 Voxer access because I want people to have access to me in those moments where they’re like, oh my gosh. I think I’ve just made the biggest mistake of my life, and I’m feeling horrible, and I just got this call or I just found out something new. It’s okay.

Lora Cheadle [00:47:09]:
Just don’t make decisions from that place. Think about think it was Cypher. In the movie, you don’t take everybody else down because you’re having a bad day. Give it some time. Get help, and you too can be stronger and more powerful and more clear. And I’ve used the word powerful a few times, and I wanna define what that means in terms of you. It’s not power over. It is power to choose.

Lora Cheadle [00:47:53]:
It’s power to make your own decisions. It’s power to understand who you are and what you want and what you deserve. It’s power to make a move even when you don’t wanna make a move. But one of the biggest things is people say to me, I want my partner to change. I can’t get him to understand. What am I gonna do to help him come to the party? He’s so stubborn, and it’s really frustrating sometimes to know this. But when we’re waiting for our partners to change, we are the ones. We are the ones who are in a fixed position.

Lora Cheadle [00:48:34]:
When I am standing in the same position saying, you need to change, you need to change. I’m waiting for you to change. You’ve gotta pull it together. I’m not moving either. And we’re the only person that we can control. And absolutely. Can you ask for what you want? Absolutely. Absolutely.

Lora Cheadle [00:48:53]:
You can ask your partner to do therapy or do something like that. But if they don’t do it, it’s up to you to change. It’s up to you to make a choice. And that’s what I mean when I talk about power, the ability to perceive that, to be aware of that, and to make choices, even choices that you don’t want to make. Like, I didn’t want to go through a lot of things that I have gone through. I didn’t wanna do it. I didn’t want to have to do all of this stuff from infidelity. It wasn’t my fault.

Lora Cheadle [00:49:33]:
It wasn’t my choice. I didn’t do it. Why do I have to do this? Because he made a bad choice. That’s what I mean when I talk about power. It’s the ability to yep. It’s up to me and to do it. And to do it, putting yourself front and center in your decisions. And I’m not talking about harming other people, but I’m talking about protecting yourself.

Lora Cheadle [00:50:01]:
I have to do this for me. I’m making a decision for me. I’m not making it because I’m a martyr. I’m not making it even though I don’t want to because I know it’s gonna be meaningful to you. It’s putting yourself. It’s growing up, and it’s taking action. And that’s what I mean when I talk about power, the ability to grow up and take action and to live with the consequences because you’ve thought it through and you know you can handle whatever happens. Now back to the matrix because this is one of my favorite parts of the movie.

Lora Cheadle [00:50:42]:
And this is one of the ways or one of the reasons it is so closely aligned with the betrayal recovery journey. After this whole big betrayal and fight and all of this stuff, Trinity says that she is in love with Neo. And the oracle told her she will fall in love with the one. So even though Neo did not have enough confidence and self worth to claim himself as the one, once Trinity says to him, you are the one because I fell in love with you, it shifts things for him. This is the difference between internal and external validation. The internal validation is Neo claiming for himself, I am the one. I think I’m the one, and I feel it. I and I am the one.

Lora Cheadle [00:51:34]:
That’s internal validation. He couldn’t do it. And most of us can’t. Most of us can’t. But when Trinity tells him the oracle told me I will fall in love with the one, that is external validation. Somebody else claimed him as the one, and that changed everything for him. And that happens to us all the time. We need that external validation.

Lora Cheadle [00:51:56]:
I think you know I do, readings. I don’t really love the term psychic readings, but I read I channel a group of entities called the librarians, and they hold the records for souls on Earth. And I do 1 on 1 readings for people. When I work with clients, I also do readings for them, which really, really helps getting that internal perspective. And the reason people love that that service, that part of the coaching that I do is because it provides them the external validation. It’s not always the external validation that they think, but being able to have that external perspective from the librarians telling you, you know what? The energy around this says and then something that you knew inside suddenly you’re like, oh, you’re right. It solidified. I am capable.

Lora Cheadle [00:52:49]:
I am the one. And even though I love getting to the point that internal validation is enough, I do recognize that that external validation sure does feel good. And in the movie, once he gets that external validation from Trinity that he is the one, everything changes because he believes it. And the next fight scene, he’s doing all of the super, super human stuff. Like, it was always superhuman, but this is beyond the matrix. And suddenly, he is of this whole other level. Why? Because he believes it. Because he is fully entrenched in reality, and he is making choices.

Lora Cheadle [00:53:38]:
He was initiated. He said yes to the invitation, and now he said yes to himself. Everything changed. And he perceives the matrix differently, and he is capable of doing so much more. And then the ending of the movie, I think this is the best part. Again, there’s a phone call, and he calls the machines. And he basically tells them, I am letting everybody know that more is possible. I am letting everybody know that there’s this world out here where you can create exactly what you want.

Lora Cheadle [00:54:17]:
And that to me is just such a goosebunk moment because that is the betrayal recovery journey. That is what I mean by coming back home to yourself. When I talk about coming back home to yourself, I mean it’s having that recognition both internally and externally that I am the one. I am the one for me. Here are the things that I want. I am capable of it. I am operating on a whole other level and things that used to stump me or stymie me are no longer slowing me down. This is coming back home to yourself and realizing I am capable.

Lora Cheadle [00:54:59]:
And when you do that, that’s when you create the life you love. I talk so much about creating a life you love, about creating the next chapter on your own terms, about reclaiming everything you let go of along the way. And it’s about that belief. I no longer have to sacrifice this, that, and the other thing. I get a partner who will hold space for me. I get to feel loved and cherished. I get time for family and friends and myself. I get to take care of me in the deepest, most spiritual way possible.

Lora Cheadle [00:55:34]:
Betrayal is an invitation to set things right, to claim what’s yours, to step fully into this creative feminine power. So you can enter the state of flow knowing that you’re the one, knowing that you’re worthy because you’re the one, because you are creating your life. Things aren’t happening to you. You are happening to your life, and that’s powerful. And does it hurt? Yes. And is this what you wanted? Nope. But it is an initiation, and it’s an initiation into something more. And it’s an initiation into knowing you’re the one, and to knowing that you have power, and to knowing that you matter, that you are worthy, that you are worth it, and that you create it for yourself.

Lora Cheadle [00:56:34]:
So congratulations. Congratulations. You are betrayed. Not what we wanted to wake up to ever. But I want you to think about the soul magic that is coming from this. I want you to think about the potential. Where are you on this journey? Birth to death. That initiation point happened.

Lora Cheadle [00:57:03]:
What happened with the invitation? What happened? Grow, learn, become, claim yourself as the one. I will help claim you as the one too, if you will let me. Reach out, Lora atlauracedle.com. Go to my website, lauracedle.com. Click on a fair recovery and select one of the program options. In the meantime, be sure to subscribe, rate, and review this podcast so other people can find it. And as usual, have an amazing week and always remember to FLAUNT! exactly who you are because who you are is always more than enough. Life can really knock you down sometimes, especially after a tough breakup or when someone betrays your trust.

Lora Cheadle [00:58:04]:
It’s hard to remember your own value when the people who should have treasured you didn’t. But I’m here to tell you that loving yourself again is possible even after infidelity. It takes time and intentional effort, but it can be done. That’s where the mindful souls subscription box comes in. It’s like getting a monthly dose of me time delivered straight to your door. Inside, you’ll find all sorts of goodies, natural crystals, gorgeous gem jewelry, essential oils, and many other pampering tools. It’s a nice little reminder that, hey, you do deserve to feel good. I know that most of you are crazy busy.

Lora Cheadle [00:58:47]:
You’ve got a ton of people counting on you, and taking care of yourself usually ends up at the bottom of your to do list. But that’s what’s so great about this subscription. They don’t just deliver everything you need for your self care moments. They also give you real practical tips on how to make self care work for you no matter how hectic your life gets. I’ve been a die hard fan of the Mindful Box for a while now, so the Mindful Souls family sent me a special treat for all of you. If you use the discount code Lora 25, you’ll get 25% off your order. That’s l o r a 25. So head over to mindful souls.com and grab your box.

Narrator [00:59:34]:
Tune in next time to FLAUNT!, find your sparkle, and create a life you love after infidelity or betrayal with Lora Cheadle every Wednesday at 7 AM and 7 PM Eastern Standard Time on syndicated DreamVision 7 Radio Network. Uncover the truth of what’s possible for you on the other side of betrayal and develop the skills and strategies necessary to embrace the future and flourish today. Download your free betrayal recovery toolkit at betrayalrecoveryguide.com.