Are you worried about navigating the holiday season after infidelity or betrayal? These six tips will help you navigate the season with ease, so you can find some joy, connection, and grace despite the stress of changing or uncertain times. BONUS! Metaphysical interpretation of the Christmas story and the Virgin Mary and what you can learn about birthing a blessing from a burden.
- Prepare for conversations ahead of time: Having a list of memorized soundbites will help you navigate parties, events, or family questions with confidence.
- Privacy vs. Secrecy: Learn how to keep your private situation private without lying, feeling awkward, or excluding family and friends who are trying to help.
- Don’t over (or under) do it Strike the perfect balance between tradition, festivity, reflection, and the beginning of a new ear.
- Fee your feelings (or not): Find acceptance and peace in whatever you are (or aren’t feeling)
- Gratitude & Grace: How focusing on the small steps and giving yourself and others grace for mistakes and uncertainty will keep you peaceful and sane.
- Get pretty and SPARKLE!: Never underestimate the power of looking good to make you feel good!
BONUS Christmas Story. How the Virgin Mary’s unintended impregnation (total burden!) coupled with the need to travel to pay taxes, while pregnant, achy, tired, and while there was no room at the inn led to the birthing of a blessing that has rippled through eternity. Learn the meaning of the star, frankincense, gold, and myrrh.
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Sparkle After Betrayal Recovery Guide at www.BetrayalRecoveryGuide.com, a guide designed to help you take the first steps in feeling better, so you can reclaim your power, own your worth, and start putting yourself, and your life, back together again. Learn More & Apply Here! www.AffairRecoveryForWomen.com
Attorney, speaker and Burnout & Betrayal Recovery Coach, Lora Cheadle believes that betrayal uncovers the truth of what’s possible when we stop focusing on what was done to us and start showing up unapologetically for ourselves. She helps women rebuild their identity and self-worth after infidelity so they can reclaim (or find for the very first time) their confidence, clarity, and connection to source and create their own kind of happily ever after.
Untangle yourself from the past, reclaim your power, and own your worth so you can create a future you love on your own terms. All with a wink and a smile! Learn more at www.loracheadle.com and follow me across all social!
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You’re listening to FLAUNT!, find your sparkle, and create a life you love after infidelity or Have you been betrayed by life, your body, or someone that you love? You’re not alone. No matter what you’ve been through, naked self worth helps you regain confidence, joy, and enthusiasm so you can create a life you love and flourish. Tune in weekly and learn how.
Lora Cheadle [00:00:30]:
Hello, and welcome to FLONNT. Find your sparkle and create a life you love After infidelity or betrayal. I’m Lora Cheadle. And today, we are going to talk about 6 Tips to navigate the holidays after betrayal. Because if you’re anything like me, It’s a totally different ballgame managing yourself and figuring out how to navigate betrayal versus having to navigate family and extended family and this External pressure to have a really fun holiday season. And I’m recording this in December. Hanukkah’s actually already started, but we have Christmas. We have New Year’s.
Lora Cheadle [00:01:19]:
We have a lot of different things coming up. So I just want to dive right in. But before we do, I am offering my annual 12 days of Christmas sale. And what that means is 12 days before Christmas And 12 days after Christmas, you can book a 1 on 1 session with me an hour Over Zoom for only $97. I know that’s crazy. Right? But the thing is, I’m really passionate about having you have the tools and insights that you need To heal. And New Year’s is a big time for resolutions, and I want you To be able to go into 2024, like, yeah. I know this stuff.
Lora Cheadle [00:02:21]:
So Like I said, 12 days before Christmas and 12 days after Christmas, you can book a session. No. You don’t have to have the session during those times. You can have the session Anytime within the next year, actually. You just need to book it and pay for it either 12 days before or 12 days after. And, yeah, $97. It’s a total steal for a full private hour 1 on 1 with me, And the link is in the show notes. So you’ll be able to do that.
Lora Cheadle [00:02:54]:
You’ll click on the link, you schedule, And then within the scheduling is the payment link. So snap up that deal. It is a smoking deal, And here we go on with the show. We’re gonna go through those 6 tips, And then I’m gonna wrap up the show with a really neat story a really neat story about the Well, it’s the stereotypical Christmas story. And I want you to know, it doesn’t matter what religious faith you are or aren’t. You know the Christmas story. I’m sure you know the Christmas story. If not, I’ll explain it to you.
Lora Cheadle [00:03:34]:
And I just want you to listen to the story for a story’s sake. I’m not asking you To believe or not believe. So no pushback there. It’s just that we learn by stories, and stories are powerful. And we’re going to talk about the story of the Virgin Mary’s difficult birth and remembering the sacredness of the season, Which is really the sacredness of transformation. And as you’ve heard me say a 1000 times before, I believe the betrayal uncovers the truth. I believe the betrayal uncovers the truth of who you are meant to become. Betrayal uncovers the truth of your transformation.
Lora Cheadle [00:04:27]:
And transformation, as you’ll hear in this birth story, is hard and painful and scary and all of that, but what it births is powerful. And no matter what you’re going through, your journey can birth something powerful as well If you intentionally lean into that. So that’s how we’re gonna wrap up the show after We go through these 6 tips. Sound good? Yay. I’m excited for it. Okay. The very, very first tip that I have is to prepare for conversations, both with your partner and with others. And what I mean by that is To actually give some thought ahead of time to what you want to say or what you don’t Want to say, to set some ground rules maybe, to say with your spouse or your partner.
Lora Cheadle [00:05:39]:
You know what? My intention is to have a really nice holiday with the kids, with my family, with whatever. My intention is We’re still going to go to these Christmas parties. We’re still going to go to this New Year’s event. We’re still going to do this Hanukkah celebration. Whatever it is, Prepare for what you want and prepare for the conversations that might come up around that. Because as you know, at events, certain people tend to have certain conversation around certain different things. And if you’re, say, at a church group couples function and your church group couples don’t know what’s going on, You need to prepare ahead of time for the kinds of conversation that you will expect. People might be asking, what are you 2 doing this season? What are your plans for next year? So prepare some answers so you don’t feel caught off guard.
Lora Cheadle [00:06:38]:
You can say some things that are honest but a little bit vague. It’s going to be a transition year for us. I don’t really know. There’s going to be a lot of changes coming up. I can’t really answer your question right now. There’s just a lot going on. Let’s talk about you. I wanna hear what’s going on with you.
Lora Cheadle [00:07:02]:
Things like that. Just prepare Because there’s nothing worse than being caught off guard. Also prepare for things like family coming up and saying, Things things seem a little tense between you guys. Is everything okay? How are you gonna answer that? Are you going to not go into it completely, but maybe say something like, yeah. We’re going through some stuff. I will fill you in later when I’m more comfortable talking about it. Yeah. We’re going through some stuff.
Lora Cheadle [00:07:35]:
Now is not a good time to discuss, But when the time is right, I’ll let you know. Prepare. Write down even some of the answers and Study study them. Memorize them, kind of like you’re memorizing sound bites because that’s what you’re doing. You’re memorizing sound bites to get you through these events. When you have those sound bites memorized and in your pocket, It makes it so you won’t be triggered. Where if somebody says, oh, how are the little lovebirds today? Or what Amazing couple events are you gonna be looking forward to. You’re not suddenly like, oh my god.
Lora Cheadle [00:08:17]:
What do I say? How do I manage this? You are prepared. Part and parcel with that. One of the best ways To navigate the holidays after betrayal is to start getting comfortable with allowing others to have their emotions Without you trying to rescue them. Because how many of you have had that experience Where you confide in somebody and you tell them, oh my gosh. I found out about my partner’s infidelity, blah blah blah blah blah. And what ends up happening Is then they have this rush of emotions, and then they almost hijack the whole conversation, and then they’re mad at your partner, and then they’re telling you about their Ex college boyfriend who blah blah blah blah blah, and then they can’t be nice to your partner, and you’re like, oh my god. I am telling this because I needed support, And now I have to support you? Or where you change your mind about something, where at first you think we’re getting divorced and then you decide to get back together or vice versa, and everybody else starts spewing their opinions. What we tend to do, What a lot of nice people tend to do is we rescue others from feeling uncomfortable emotions.
Lora Cheadle [00:09:40]:
We rescue others from feeling uncomfortable emotions. We take it on, and we make ourselves uncomfortable So they will feel better. But if you start practicing now, If you start thinking now about allowing yourself to sit in that space of discomfort, Take 3 breaths. Smile. Doesn’t have to be a huge smile. It can just be a small closed lip smile. Just breathe and smile and allow other people to feel their emotions. Allow them to process.
Lora Cheadle [00:10:28]:
Don’t try to rescue them by telling them it’s gonna be okay or I’ve got it or Just stop and let them have their emotions. And this is all part of that preparation. If you go into an event preparing that, Yeah. Something might feel a little bit awkward. Somebody is bound to say something that’s gonna make me awkward, but I’ve got these Catchphrases memorized. I’ve got my sound bites memorized, and I’m okay letting people step in it or say something. And I’m I’m okay letting the conversation be awkward for a while because when it’s awkward, we just breathe, and then we move on. So just be prepared.
Lora Cheadle [00:11:13]:
Prepare for conversations with others. Prepare for some uncomfortable emotions, And then you’ll have that confidence going into the holidays knowing you can handle it because you’ve got a whole stack full of sound bites that you have memorized, that you know how you can handle. Okay. The second tip for preparing for the Holidays and for navigating the holidays after betrayal is to understand the difference between privacy And secrecy. There are private things that we just don’t choose to share with people. I mean, There’s a whole bunch of, like, bodily function things that are just private. It’s not that it’s a secret That somebody goes to the bathroom or vomits or does anything like that, that’s not a secret. It’s just that it’s private.
Lora Cheadle [00:12:07]:
Nobody really needs to hear about that unless You’re a physician, and you’re going in and talking specifically about bowel movements or vomiting. Those things are just Private. We have all kind of decided as a society that those are just some private things. They’re not secret. Same thing in a relationship. There are private things that couples share. There are private Things that parents and kids share. There are private things that friends have between them in a friendship.
Lora Cheadle [00:12:40]:
It’s okay. It’s normal. It’s healthy to have different boundaries and to have things private. Secrecy is a whole different level. I mean, obviously, the affair. The affair was secret, and that is not okay. So in helping navigate the holidays, I want you to really think about the difference between What is private, and what is the secret? Because even if you haven’t told people in your family and friends circle, What is going to be something that you might consider sharing to certain people in a private context? What is going to remain a secret forever? It’s the whole concept just like with affairs, the windows and the walls. Where are you going to have walls, and where are you going to have windows? And not all people will know the same things.
Lora Cheadle [00:13:42]:
If you’re really close to your parents, they might know something different than your siblings now. Your siblings might know something more than your kids. So it’s important to start figuring out what is private and to who And for how long? And what is something that is just secret? Because when people ask things, It’s important to be able to answer them honestly. I’m not ready to share that yet, But when I feel more stable, I will absolutely let you know what’s going on. What are the things that you can say without overpromising? What are the things that you can say that will still be honest and full of integrity. And just like preparing for conversations, this is another thing that you can prepare for in advance by figuring out who you might tell, when, Where, why, and how much. And it’s not that you have to do it all now, but if you have some of those bounds in your head, you You know what? I’m gonna attend my family holiday function, and people will probably notice be or somebody might say something because I already told this person blah blah blah. Figure out what is going to be private.
Lora Cheadle [00:15:13]:
And then you can also tell people, you know, we’re going through some marital stuff, but it is private. It’s a private marital thing right now, And I don’t feel comfortable sharing it nor probably will I ever because this is something that is private between us. You can tell people that. And when you tell people that something is private versus something is secret, they tend to respect it more. People understand that there’s things that are private within your marriage. We’ve got some stuff that’s going on in our marriage, and it is private. I will let you know some different things later on, but what’s going on is private. And I do appreciate your thoughts or your prayers or your good wishes, But we’re just going through some stuff that is private right now.
Lora Cheadle [00:16:00]:
So that is the 2nd tip for navigating the holidays after betrayal. The 3rd tip is don’t over or underdo it. Okay. We all hear about not overdoing it, and I get that. Like, You’re recovering. You’re dealing with a lot of stuff. There is a limited amount of energy and space, And you might just not be feeling festive either because there’s a lot going on. Hello.
Lora Cheadle [00:16:29]:
So don’t overdo it. Don’t kill yourself. This does not have to be the showiest of all holidays with perfect gifts and cookies and food and all of that. Don’t overdo it. But by the same token, don’t underdo it either. So many people end up not overdoing it, And they scale back, but then they scale back too much. And then come Christmas morning or whatever it is, They’re totally stressed out because it doesn’t feel normal. It doesn’t feel normal.
Lora Cheadle [00:17:04]:
It’s not just like we’re having a light year. It’s like, oh my gosh. This is a different year. Don’t make it different for yourself by underdoing it too much. If you’ve always put up a Christmas tree put up a Christmas tree, you maybe you don’t have to decorate it, But do some of the things that you always do and that you always have done because it marks in your heart, in your head, in your body That there’s consistency, that this thing can change around the affairs, but that there is still consistency within you, within your world, And that’s really, really important. Along those same lines, let’s talk about what to say on the Christmas letter, shall we? Because if you’re one of those people that always does a Christmas letter, yeah, it might feel really weird to suddenly not do one. And, nope, Nobody’s gonna say, hey, this year for Christmas, I’m dealing with infidelity. Now if you wanna say that, be my guest, but I don’t really recommend it.
Lora Cheadle [00:18:18]:
If it’s something that you wanna skip, skip it. But if it’s something that you have always enjoyed, What I really encourage you to do is focus on the things that are true. And then, again, Like, when we were talking about the sound bites, you can prepare something like, we’re having a lot of transition in our marriage this year. We have discovered some things that together, we are going to work on. You can be a little bit vague, But at the same time, you can say something. I know my 1st year’s Christmas letter, it was something about this is what the kids are doing, This is what Lora’s doing. What helped is my book was published that year. Good and bad timing.
Lora Cheadle [00:19:03]:
But, yeah, I found out about the infidelity, And then I got a book contract from a pretty major publisher, and I was under deadline. So during my Christmas letter, I could talk a lot about, hey, my book and my book Contract, and my book’s come out. And then on the marriage front, when I went to Sean, the Christmas letter said something like, Sean is undergoing Sean has had a massive a massive awakening this year and is undergoing some intense transition. So It alluded to the fact that, yeah, a lot of stuff was going on. We didn’t talk about anything marital, and we usually do, But we were honest because just just like I’ve said before with all of these things, what really matters is being honest. And, again, this relates back to that, like, privacy versus secrecy. Yes. You can have privacy around it, but secrecy tends to lead to problems Because secrecy tends to breed lies.
Lora Cheadle [00:20:06]:
And if you’re going to be secretive that you’re going through this affair, That means you’re gonna start covering it up with lies. Yes, we’re doing great, blah blah blah blah blah, and then it comes back and bites you. Truly, anything that you try to keep secret always comes back and bites you. It really, really does. So, yeah, you can be private about things, but please don’t be secretive about things. Because when you’re secretive about things, it means you’re lying. Don’t overdo it. Don’t underdo it.
Lora Cheadle [00:20:41]:
And no matter what, don’t lie about it. Claim your privacy, but don’t lie. Alright. Let’s roll on to tip number 4. And tip number 4 is to either feel it or not. This is kind of like with the Overdoing overdoing and underdoing. Don’t do it either way. If you’re feeling something, feel it.
Lora Cheadle [00:21:11]:
I mean, by all means, don’t shove it down. If you’re feeling it, feel it. You know me. I’m huge into the somatic processing. Dance it out. Rock it out. Twirl it out. Shimmy it out.
Lora Cheadle [00:21:26]:
Bounce it out. If you’re not already on my YouTube channel, hop on my YouTube channel. If you just look for Lora Cheadle, l o r a c h e a d l e. I think my YouTube is actually under Lora Cheadle, life choreographer. But you can just look Lora Cheadle to YouTube. I have probably 200 Fitness, movement, dance, somatic processing type videos. Anything that you’re feeling, You can do on your own, or you can hop on my YouTube channel and look for inspiration. Feel it.
Lora Cheadle [00:22:08]:
Process it. Don’t shove it down. If you’re on your way to an event, a function, and you just feel like breaking down and crying, give yourself the opportunity to break down and cry. If you need to scream in the car, go scream in the car. If you need to do anything, Feel it. This is a transition year, and holidays have all of these external expectations false. External expectations, but nonetheless. That was a hard word to say.
Lora Cheadle [00:22:45]:
So go ahead and feel whatever you’re feeling. And then by the same token, if you’re not feeling anything, That’s okay too. If you’re like, I am just going through the motions and it doesn’t even feel like the holidays And I don’t even care? Then don’t care. Don’t feel it. Nobody says you have to be joyful and happy Around the holidays, if you’re not feeling anything, don’t feel it. That’s okay. So often, I’ll be working with people and they’re like, I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I don’t feel anything.
Lora Cheadle [00:23:26]:
And it’s like, you know what? Your body sometimes does not have the capacity to feel everything because it would take it would rip too many defenses off, And you’re not prepared for that right now. The body is wise. The mind is wise. We are a self preserving organism. And if you’re not feeling something, maybe you truly are over it. Yay. That’s awesome. And also maybe now was just not the time for you and your body to feel it, so be with it.
Lora Cheadle [00:24:01]:
It’s fine. Whether you’re just enjoying it and everything feels normal or you’re numb. Numb is okay too. Feeling numb is okay too, Especially the 1st year, especially around holidays. Just be where you’re at. Be where you’re at. Let yourself cry or not. The whole point around this, though, is just not judging, Just letting you be where you’re at, letting you feel what you feel or don’t feel and just be like, yeah.
Lora Cheadle [00:24:38]:
This is me now. Whatever. With so many of these tips, that’s really what it’s about. It’s about releasing that judgment on yourself. Because what are you supposed to be like around the holidays navigating betrayal? Oh my god. Nobody knows that. Are you gonna make mistakes? Of course. Are you gonna say the wrong thing? Of course.
Lora Cheadle [00:25:04]:
Are you gonna have some inappropriate reactions? Of course. Let yourself have them. It’s normal. One of my favorite quotes is an abnormal response to abnormal stimuli, to abnormal situations is normal. It’s totally normal to do crazy things when your life has fallen apart. And, of course, you wanna do your best. You don’t wanna create lasting damage, but what I want you to know is you’re normal. You’re normal.
Lora Cheadle [00:25:42]:
Wherever you’re at is normal. And just having that reassurance sometimes that You know what? The way I feel is normal. Other people feel the same way I do. The things that I’m doing are normal. That is hugely validating to know you are normal. So, yeah, Are you afraid of having conversations with others? Are you afraid to show up? Are you afraid of how you’re gonna feel? Are you perfectly normal. Here’s how to navigate it without judgment and with compassion. And that leads right into the 5th tip, Which is to focus on gratitude and grace.
Lora Cheadle [00:26:30]:
And, you know, we’ve talked about gratitude on the show before, And I really, really, really, really love, believe in, practice gratitude. And what I love about gratitude practice and how I do mine a little bit differently than some people is I really think it’s powerful when we just notice the small things, because It’s easy to be grateful for the big things. And when you start off on these gratitude lists, they can be so lofty. And especially when you’re going through betrayal, I think it’s important to be grateful for getting up off the floor. I think it’s important to be grateful For not crying for 6 hours, for only crying for 4. I know I was hugely grateful when I would have a day where I wouldn’t cry Because I cried every day for months, And I just became grateful sometimes for being able to stand there in the shower And to let the water hit me and just to kinda have that moment of reprieve where I wasn’t doing anything. I was just in the shower. I was grateful for every single time I would have a positive conversation with my partner.
Lora Cheadle [00:27:58]:
I was grateful when I could eat again without being nauseous. I was nauseous for so long, so long. Be grateful for those really small things. Look at the Christmas lights in your neighborhood. Look at the snow if you’re in the part of the country where there’s snow. Look at the moon. Look at happy people around you. Look at whatever it is that makes you feel a little bit of gratitude and just notice.
Lora Cheadle [00:28:29]:
And even if you’re not used to feeling gratitude because that’s a big part of it. Because, again, so many of us get these lofty ideas. I will be grateful when I make $1,000,000. I will be grateful when I lose £20 and have the body of my dreams. I will be grateful. Oh my gosh. Those big milestones? Great. But let’s celebrate the small stuff.
Lora Cheadle [00:28:53]:
Let’s be grateful for those little tiny things because Those small steps are what get you moving forward. So have a gratitude practice. You know what? I got through this family event, and I only had to excuse myself to the bathroom to bang my head on the wall twice. Woo hoo. Whatever it is, practice that tiny, tiny, tiny, tiny pieces of gratitude. And then grace, gratitude and grace. Grace, again, is one of my favorite words. Because what does grace embody to you? What does grace mean to you? Think about that.
Lora Cheadle [00:29:41]:
What is a graceful person? What is a graceful woman? What is you know, they say, god is grace. Okay. What does that really mean? Is it giving somebody a free pass? Not really. Is it giving somebody the benefit of the doubt? Possibly. Is it just letting people know that, hey, I know you’re human, And I know mistakes happen, and I will help hold you in that space of shame or embarrassment Because we all feel that too. Because to me, that’s what grace really is. It’s Knowing that we’re all imperfect, it’s knowing that we all have shame and embarrassment and fears, and We’re all afraid. And to me, grace is the ability to just stand with that And to be like, yeah.
Lora Cheadle [00:30:48]:
I am doing the best that I can. And even when I haven’t done the best that I can, That’s okay. I do have grace and compassion for myself. Because let me tell you, I do a great job So often, and then I lose it, and I do something really stupid. I’m sure you can relate to that. You know, there’s moments as a mom. There is moments at when I was in my corporate job. There is moments in my marriage where I look back on it, and I think, oh my lord.
Lora Cheadle [00:31:22]:
Lora, you knew better, and I did know better. And for some reason in that moment, none of my skills were there. I messed it up. 100% own that I messed it up. And it sucks. Totally sucks. But the thing is, That’s part of being human. And having grace, especially around the holidays, is important for you to give yourself grace because you’re gonna lose it.
Lora Cheadle [00:31:53]:
You’re gonna do stupid things, trust me, but also to have grace for other people. Yes. Your partner, but also all of those people around you that you are doing holidays with, Whether it’s coworkers or family members, whether they know or don’t know what’s going on. Let’s just say this. Infidelity impacts everybody, and it’s awkward for everybody because pretty much Everybody has been cheated on in one form or another. I’m not saying everybody has had their partner have an affair, although There are many, many, many, many people who have been through that, but just about everybody has had A parent, a grandparent who is cheated on their partner, a boyfriend, girlfriend who has cheated on them, They have been cheated on, whether it’s same thing, marriage or, like, a college or a high school relationship. And whether it’s not even when it’s not a sexual thing, we have had people betray us. We have had people betray us.
Lora Cheadle [00:33:05]:
Everybody has been betrayed. Betrayal is a common human phenomenon. So when somebody else finds out You have been betrayed. It brings up all of their wounding too, and they say stupid things they just do. They make it all about them. They say stupid things about you or your partner. They just do. Because once again, we’re not trained how to handle that.
Lora Cheadle [00:33:29]:
Just like we don’t have the class in high school or college, how to navigate betrayal, we also don’t have the class in high school or college. Sadly, How to help others in difficult circumstances? Most people don’t know how to hold space for other people. Most people don’t know how to not make it all about them. Most people launch into a story about them. Give them grace too. Give them grace. Ask for what you need. Thank you for sharing that.
Lora Cheadle [00:34:02]:
What I really need from you is notice I didn’t say but, because when you say but, it invalidates them. So it’s not thanks for sharing, but what I really need is. It’s thanks for sharing that, and you can kinda cut them off too. Thank you for sharing that. I am going through this right now. What I really need from you is and then you can name what you need. I just need someone to hang out with. I need someone to have my back.
Lora Cheadle [00:34:32]:
I need someone to talk to me during this function Because I’m just feeling like I really don’t wanna go be social, so can you just hang out with me for a while? Ask for what you need. And, again, that loops all the way back to tip number 1. What I love about all these tips is they interrelate so well. But But tip number 1 was preparing for conversations preparing for conversations with others, and part of that also is Figuring out what it is you need and then preparing to ask for that. If you don’t wanna be left alone at a function, Talk to a few people. Who are your go to people where you can say, I don’t wanna be left alone at this function? I’m not in that Conversational holiday sparkly mood, can you please just keep checking in with me? Maybe you could just bring me some drinks every 20 minutes. Maybe not alcoholic, but just bring me a drink, check-in, ask how I’m doing. That would be helpful for me.
Lora Cheadle [00:35:34]:
Maybe your partner spouse is there, and you don’t wanna interact with them. And maybe you can talk to somebody else and say, you know what? Could you please engage my partner in a conversation? Because I don’t want that FaceTime with them right now. That’s all part of preparing the conversations is figuring out what you are going to need In advance or in the moment. Instead of sitting there and stewing that other people aren’t helping you and this isn’t going the way that you want, Who is that person you can ask? And that’s part of preparing for the conversation. Who is the person that you can connect to ahead of time? You could let your sister know. Hey. Again, privacy versus secrecy. I’ve got some private stuff going on, and it’s really hard for me right now.
Lora Cheadle [00:36:21]:
During this big holiday family function, I’m really afraid that I’m going to lose it, that I’m going to fall apart. Here’s what I need from you. Corporate function, whatever, prepare by asking for what you need. And then the very last tip, tip number 6, is to get pretty and sparkle. And while that might sound superficial, oh my gosh, it’s not. When you look good, you feel good. Truly, when you look good, you feel good. I know so many of the days that I spent crying on the floor, I’d look in the mirror and it would be like, And then that would make me feel worse.
Lora Cheadle [00:37:08]:
It would be like, I look miserable. I am miserable. Getting up every day and putting on makeup and doing my hair And putting on real clothes was huge. It was huge for a lot of different reasons, And here are some of those reasons. Because even if you don’t normally put on makeup or do something with your hair or Wear real clothes. These are all the reasons that you should. First of all, putting on makeup means you are in the mirror and you are looking at yourself, And that’s FaceTime, and that is loving you time, and that is really seeing you Time. Putting on makeup is you being focused on you.
Lora Cheadle [00:38:05]:
Doing your hair is you looking at you. Don’t Underestimate the power of seeing yourself. One of the modules in my coaching program is called Mirror Mirror, and that module is all about looking at yourself in the mirror And saying things to yourself. One of the things that I have people do is play a song that is really powerful that they wish somebody would say to them And to just gaze into their eyes throughout the song, sending the energy of that song to themselves. And let me tell you, everybody cries. If people don’t know a song, the song I always recommend is Peter Gabriel’s In Your Eyes. And I really recommend that you do that. Play Peter Gabriel’s In Your Eyes.
Lora Cheadle [00:39:12]:
It’s a long song. Go to your bathroom, gaze at yourself in the mirror as you listen to that song and say those words to yourself. And it’ll break you down in the best way possible. Seeing yourself is powerful because you can’t expect others To see the things inside of you that you can’t see in yourself. You can’t expect others to see in you What you can’t see in yourself. Some of the things my coaching clients always say to me is, why wasn’t I enough? Why wasn’t I enough? And while I am not saying that you caused the affair because you never, never, never, never, ever caused the affair unless you held a gun to your husband’s head or your partner’s head and said, you must cheat. If you did that, you caused the affair. Anything else, you did not cause the affair.
Lora Cheadle [00:40:16]:
However, It’s important for you to see in yourself what you want others to see in you. So if you’re feeling like, why wasn’t I enough? My question to you is, how can you be more enough to yourself? If you’re expecting your partner To value you, you have to value yourself. If you’re expecting your partner To see how worthy you are, you have to feel that worthy in yourself because other people can’t see more than you see. And that’s why that mirror exercise is so, so powerful. And that’s why putting on makeup and doing your hair is really good for self worth. Sometimes people think, like, I don’t wanna put on makeup, but I do don’t wanna do my hair because that’s just a mask, and that’s a false fraud and yes. And it can be. It can be.
Lora Cheadle [00:41:23]:
If you totally are so insecure without your makeup and without your hair that you can’t Go to the grocery store, go work out, whatever, because you really don’t think you’re worthy, that’s a different issue. But it’s important for you to have that time with yourself taking care of your body. Rubbing lotion on your body slowly is enormously powerful. Get a scent that you like. Put on your lotion, rub it in. That self touch, that self love, looking at your beautiful eyes as you put on makeup, Stroking your hair. Brushing your hair feels so good. Brush your hair.
Lora Cheadle [00:42:12]:
Feel it. Give yourself that gift. Not only are you going to look better And have time with yourself, but you’re also going to feel better because every time you catch sight of yourself, whether it’s a reflection or a mirror, You’re gonna feel like, yeah. I am awesome. And it’s really good validation. It’s really good reassurance that you are pretty and that you are worthy and that you have time for yourself. Now same thing with clothing, with shoes, with jewelry. Yes.
Lora Cheadle [00:42:57]:
It’s fine to hang out in sweats all day. Yes. It’s fine if you’re gonna have a grieving trash can day. But by and large, try to put on clothing, try to put on jewelry. It just makes you feel like more of a real person. Again, it’s that time with yourself, and it’s that respect with yourself, and it just pulls you together. And if you look like you’re sparkling and pulled together, you’re going to feel more sparkly. And when you feel more sparkly, you’re gonna feel more powerful.
Lora Cheadle [00:43:29]:
And when you feel more powerful, you’re gonna feel more capable. And when you feel more capable, you’re gonna be more confident. And when you’re more confident, you’re gonna feel more courageous. And when you’re feeling more courageous, you’re going to take the steps necessary for you to move forward. So, yeah, put on your makeup, do your hair, Put on some real clothes or put some clothes and shoes that make you feel powerful. Put on some heels if you like heels. I don’t care if you’re not going anywhere. Walk around the kitchen in your heels, strut around the kitchen.
Lora Cheadle [00:44:06]:
You own you. Start feeling better. And again, if you’re pushing back, being like, that’s superficial. Maybe it is, but, hey, own it. If it’s gonna make you feel better, who cares if it’s superficial? Do what you need to do To feel better. So that concludes my amazing Six tips to better navigate the holidays after betrayal. And now I wanna go into my Christmas story. Because, again, stories are powerful, and I believe that we learn from stories.
Lora Cheadle [00:44:51]:
And that we oftentimes learn from stories more than we learn from, like, direct lessons. I mean, great. I’ve given you these 6 tips. Wonderful. But do you remember them all? In story format, it’s easier to remember them because stories have beginnings. They have middles. They have ends, and it’s easier to remember them. Now like I said at the beginning, this is not like you have to be Christian because we’re talking about the Bible story, the Christmas story.
Lora Cheadle [00:45:25]:
Think about this as a story. Your religious beliefs do not matter. If you think about the Christmas story, Mary As a young woman, she is a virgin in a time where marital purity really matters. And an angel of the lord comes down and tells her she is going to have she’s going to be a mother. She is impregnated. Wow. I mean, let’s talk about a huge shock there. Betrayal is a shock.
Lora Cheadle [00:46:00]:
I’m not saying her being impregnated was a betrayal, But it’s a certainly big shock because now what? She has to explain that really? Who’s gonna believe that an angel came down and impregnated her. Wow. Virgin birth, that’s a stretch. Think about her shock In that moment, think about the way that you felt when you found out about the betrayal. If you’re anything like me, it was like, I can’t I can’t even hear this. I want this to go away. I don’t even know how to start processing this. I No.
Lora Cheadle [00:46:37]:
And I was so resistive. I wanted it to go away because it was too big, And I felt like I couldn’t handle it. And even in those moments where I thought I could handle it, I didn’t want to handle it. Who wants To deal like, oh my god. I was thinking divorce at the time. I’m thinking it was too much. It was just too much. And I want you to think about how Mary would have felt in that moment, and I think it’s probably similar.
Lora Cheadle [00:47:09]:
This is too much. This is too big of a burden. And then she had 9 months. She had 9 months to deal with this burden that she was given. And I am gonna say burden because it really doesn’t become a blessing until later. Here’s this young woman not married, impregnated by an angel. Are you kidding? This is a lot. On top of all of that, she has to travel To Bethlehem.
Lora Cheadle [00:47:48]:
To pay taxes. None of those things are very convenient. Great. So now I’m pregnant, and I’m gonna have to have this baby. And now I have to travel, and I know I have to pay taxes. And, oh, guess what? There’s no room at the inn. Oh, wonderful. We’re gonna go stay in a freaking stable.
Lora Cheadle [00:48:11]:
I mean, this poor woman had a lot of things stacked against her. She was being tasked with a lot. And on top of that all, she was pregnant. She was really pregnant. She probably had to go to the bathroom every 2 minutes. She probably had a lot of heartburn. Her back probably ached. Her feet ached.
Lora Cheadle [00:48:32]:
I mean, this whole thing, this is not fun. This is not convenient. And I want you to think about your betrayal story. Because what happens to so many people is once all of the cards start fall, all of the cards start to fall. And just like having to travel and pay taxes and no room at the inn and all of these things, doesn’t it sometimes feel like, are you kidding? I’m going through this worst period in my life. Can everything else just go okay? Really? I have to have heartburn and pee and sore feet and a sore back too? Are you kidding me? And at the same time, she is growing this baby inside, this baby that one day will be a blessing, But for all intents and purposes, it’s probably still feeling like a pretty big burden Because it makes travel harder. It makes her body ache. It makes staying in the stables way less convenient, way less comfortable.
Lora Cheadle [00:49:39]:
Then she has the baby. Yay. This is great. There is the star. There’s the 3 wise men. Everything is good. She has the baby. Woo.
Lora Cheadle [00:49:51]:
All of a sudden, that is where it starts becoming a blessing Because she has birthed something positive. She has birthed something into the world. And that’s my challenge to you. What are you going to birth into the world? What are you going to birth of this painful journey. What are you going to birth? What are you growing? What are you growing inside you that you are going to birth into the world? And my challenge is for you to name that. And if you’re like, oh my god. I hear what you’re saying, but I don’t know. That’s what My 12 days of Christmas, 1 on 1 $97 Zoom session could really help you do.
Lora Cheadle [00:50:56]:
It can help you name what you’re birthing. It can help you name what you are going to create and birth into the world, that is a blessing. So your burden can be transformed Into a blessing. So again, the link is in the show notes. You can reach out to me. $97 for an hour. Amazing deal. Anyway, she births this beautiful blessing into the world under a star, And there are 3 wise men that come to celebrate.
Lora Cheadle [00:51:34]:
And those 3 wise men bring gifts of gold, Frankincense and myrrh. And here’s what I really love about the star that came out to mark the birth of Christ and the gifts of gold, frankincense, and myrrh. The star is really about intuition. And this star didn’t come out until the Christ child was born. And make no mistake, it was Mary that pushed out that baby. It was Mary that incubated that baby. And when Mary pushed that baby out, pushed that beautiful burden, turned into a blessing out, That’s when the star came out to mark medication, and that represents intuition. And our intuition is really honed by going through a difficult journey, By having the shock of impregnation, this really tough 9 months.
Lora Cheadle [00:52:46]:
What about you? How much more intuitive are you now? How much more intuitive can you become through this journey? Because through this journey, you are really given the gift of sight. The blinders are off, baby. The star represents your intuition, your knowing. Your knowing and your intuition is your ability to trust yourself. Without fail, everybody always tells me, how can I trust him again? How can I trust them again? You can only trust them again when you trust yourself again. You can never trust somebody else. Let’s Be honest. The only person you can fully trust is yourself.
Lora Cheadle [00:53:36]:
And let’s also be honest, how often do we let ourselves down? Until you develop the ability to have your own back, to trust yourself, You can’t trust anybody else. Otherwise, you are always relying on people. You are always subject to what they will do, and other people will let you down. I don’t care how much they love you or need you or want you. Other people will always let you down. So sorry to burst your bubble on that. You are the only person that can have your own back. And like so many people, we let ourselves down.
Lora Cheadle [00:54:16]:
We say we’re gonna do something and we don’t do it. Have your own back. That could be the benefit that you’re birthing is the ability to really trust yourself, To trust yourself to handle it no matter what happens. That’s your intuition and that self trust. Now the gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh, gold is a gold is about riches. When you go through this betrayal journey, when you can turn this burden into a blessing, you get all the riches of the world. And riches, sure, they can be monetary, but they’re everything else too. The richness of trusting yourself, The richness of knowing the truth, the richness of uncovering who you were meant to become.
Lora Cheadle [00:55:15]:
This betrayal journey gives you intuition, and it gives you riches. You have the richness of connection. You know who is there for you. You know how to trust yourself. You know how to create, how to grieve, how to process, how to move things through your body, How to set goals for yourself. Think about all these amazing things that you will learn that will serve you in every regard. The gift of frankincense represents beauty. This journey at the end of the day can create beauty.
Lora Cheadle [00:56:01]:
It can create a more beautiful relationship between you and your current partner. It can create a new relationship between an entirely new partner and yourself. It can cause you to really, really own your worth. It can help you create a beautiful identity. It can help you be so comfortable in who you are and what you were worth that nothing can ever change that again. This journey can create so much beauty if you let it. And going back to the tip about gratitude and grace, it’s about noticing that beauty that has been created because of this. And the gift of myrrh is about eternity.
Lora Cheadle [00:56:57]:
And what I love about the concept of eternity And the gift of eternity is the impact that you have with your choices Truly does affect all of eternity. Not only for your kids, for your family, but For your grandkids and great grandkids, for womankind, truly, for the rest of eternity. Because when you look back over the history of womanhood, women have been abused and treated as a commodity and devalued For eons. And the more of us that stand up and own our worth, And dig deep and refuse to betray ourselves ever again. The impact that we are creating on womanhood, On humankind, on the earth going forward, truly has ripples that move into all eternity. Just like when Mary birthed the Christ child, the impact of Christ has rippled throughout eternity and will continue to ripple. This one birth from this one difficult, shocking circumstance has had the power to change the entire World. And the impact is still rippling.
Lora Cheadle [00:58:29]:
So don’t underestimate what good and what power can come from your situation. What you do has the power to ripple throughout all eternity. So birth something beautiful. Birth yourself a blessing. Birth all of humankind and humankind a blessing. I know it’s hard. I know it’s difficult. It will continue to be difficult.
Lora Cheadle [00:59:08]:
Get the support you need. Reach out, book your $97 session. Oh my gosh. That is so much less than anything you could ever get. Commit to yourself that you will never betray yourself again, that you will always have your own back and that you will be a fierce Advocate for yourself and that you will stand up for yourself and turn this burden Into the most powerful blessing of beauty, of riches, and of intuition that will ripple throughout eternity forevermore. Have an amazing week. And as usual, Always remember to FLAUNT! exactly who you are, because who you are is always more than enough.