self-care after infidelity or betrayal

Sure, self- care is a great way to recover after infidelity or betrayal, but to be your best, to feel good, live fully, and have the energy to connect or take care of others, you must take care of yourself first! Here are ideas on how to do that.

Top take-a-ways
  • Developing the habit of self-care, feeling good, and asking yourself what you want.
  • Investing in yourself as a way to stay accountable to your own growth and development.
  • Tips on sleep, nutrition, vitamins, and wellness for you to try.
  • Living in alignment with the seasons and how to stay grounded, connected, and feeling good all year. Join me at SparkleAllSeason.com and learn how.

 

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About Lora

Attorney, speaker and Burnout & Betrayal Recovery Coach, Lora Cheadle believes that betrayal uncovers the truth of what’s possible when we stop focusing on what was done to us and start showing up unapologetically for ourselves. She helps women rebuild their identity and self-worth after infidelity so they can reclaim (or find for the very first time) their confidence, clarity, and connection to source and create their own kind of happily ever after.

 

Thank you to BetterHelp for sponsoring this podcast! Take charge of your mental health and get 10% off your first month of therapy at https://BetterHelp.com/FLAUNT

 

Untangle yourself from the past, reclaim your power, and own your worth so you can create a future you love on your own terms. All with a wink and a smile! Learn more at www.loracheadle.com and follow me across all social!

 

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FLAUNT!: Drop Your Cover and Reveal Your Smart, Sexy & Spiritual Self, author Lora Cheadle

 

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Take the Lead in the Dance of Life, Strip out of the Past, and Choreograph Your Future Today!

Transcript

Narrator A [00:00:01]:

You’re listening to FLAUNT!, find your sparkle, and create a life you love after infidelity or Have you been betrayed by life, your body, or someone that you love? You’re not alone. No matter what you’ve been through, naked self worth helps you regain confidence, joy, and enthusiasm so you can create a life you love and flourish. Tune in weekly and learn how.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:00:30]:

This podcast is sponsored by BetterHelp. Have you been struggling lately? Relationship issues impact every area of your life. When I found out about my husband’s infidelity, I was so devastated. I could barely function. Sleeping was impossible because I couldn’t shut off my brain. Eating was a challenge because I felt nauseous all the time. And for the 1st month or so, everything felt pointless. Whether you’re having trouble sleeping, feeling hopeless, or just can’t focus, BetterHelp is here to help you.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:01:02]:

BetterHelp offers Licensed therapists who are trained to listen and help. You can talk to your therapist in a private online environment at your convenience.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:01:12]:

There’s a broad Range of expertise in BetterHelp’s 20,000 plus therapist network that gives you access to help that might not be available in your area. Just fill out a questionnaire to help assess your specific needs, and then you’ll be matched with a therapist in under 24 hours. Then you can schedule secure video and phone sessions. Plus, you can exchange unlimited messages, and everything you share is completely confidential. I know the confidentiality was important for me, especially early on when I couldn’t even get my own mind wrapped around what was happening. And it was so comforting To be able to speak with someone candidly about everything I was going through, to validate that what I was feeling and experiencing was completely normal. You can request a new therapist at no additional charge anytime. Join the 2,000,000 plus people who have Taking charge of their mental health with an experienced BetterHelp therapist.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:02:11]:

Special offer to FLAUNT!. Create a life you love after infidelity and betrayal listeners. You get 10% off your 1st month at better help .com/FLAUNT!. That’s better help, h e l p, .com, Slash FLAUNT!, f l a u n t. Thanks again to BetterHelp for sponsoring this podcast.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:02:46]:

Hello, and welcome to FLAUNT!. Find your sparkle and create a life you love after infidelity or betrayal. I’m Lora Cheadle, and today, we are going to talk about self care. You know, self care is one of those things that’s important any time, but it is especially important After infidelity or betrayal. And here’s why. It’s not just a luxury. It is important because You want your nervous system calm. You want your brain Functioning because you’ve got some really big decisions to make.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:03:30]:

You’ve got a lot of things to figure Out. You are in crisis. Like, the rug has been pulled out from under you on Every different level, and self care is the mechanism that is going to get you back In the prefrontal cortex, which is the rational, reasonable thinking portion of your brain, so you’re not in a state of fight, flight, or freeze. So you can actually start making some of the decisions that you need to make in a rational way. So all of a sudden you don’t come to 3 weeks later and go, oh my gosh. What about this? And what about that? And what have I done? Also, self care is really important because it helps you feel better. And if you’re anything like I was, you felt Whirlpool. You felt nauseous.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:04:30]:

You felt achy. Your eyes hurt from crying. Your throat hurt from crying. Things like eating and sleeping were impossible because you had all of these racing thoughts. When I found out about my husband’s infidelity, it was a spiral down. You know, it’s not like you find out and then suddenly, Oh, okay. Great. I found out.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:05:00]:

So good to know. No. You find out, and then you start thinking about things. And then you start remembering things. And then you start putting 2 and 2 together. And then you start having more questions. And then Some of the questions you get answered, and then they raise more questions, and it’s miserable. And then you can’t sleep, and then you can’t eat, and then You can’t think, and then you feel crazy, and then you start thinking you are crazy, And it just spirals down horribly.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:05:35]:

And I also thought I looked horrible. And that might sound funny, but I’d look in the mirror and I’d be like, who is that person? Oh my god. Her eyes are bloodshot and swollen. Her face, like, is so grief stricken. Who is that person? And then I started feeling worse about myself Because I look so bad. And even when I think, okay, I’m gonna go to a program at school. I’m gonna put myself together, I’d still look in the mirror, and I’d be like, I’m just haggard. And then you just feel worse.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:06:14]:

So self care is important, practically speaking, because it helps you stay in the prefrontal cortex so you can think, But emotionally, it also helps you feel better about yourself and take positive action. And then the other thing is too, it just helps you feel better. And when you’re dealing with something this heavy and this dark and this Scary and this depressing. Oh my gosh. Feel better. Just feel better. Do whatever it takes to make yourself feel better because feeling better Makes you feel better. So let’s talk about self care.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:06:57]:

I have truly an exhaustive list Because self care is one of those things that often gets misunderstood. So often people think self care is something that they do, Like I just said, when they’re down, when times are tough, when they’re facing infidelity, when they have been go, go, go, go, go through the holidays, Self care, yes, can be a corrective measure, but truly self care is a way of life. And again, if you’re anything like me, as a woman, I got really, really good at taking care of everybody else. I’m really good at nurturing. I’m really good at predicting people’s needs and taking care of things. I’m really good at just doing it because so often whether it was at home or at work, it would just be like, it’s just easier for me to do it than to fight with other people about doing it. It’s so much easier for me to do it than to explain to somebody else how they should do it. As we know, statistically speaking, women do carry the brunt of the emotional labor.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:08:15]:

We also do more of the work at home, whether it’s cleaning or organizing schedules. We know we’re overworked. We live in a culture where we’re actually taught to overwork because we’re not supposed to be selfish. Women are supposed to be kind and giving, and my challenge to you is to look at yourself and to think, what is Your definition of a really good woman. This is one of the activities that, I have people do when I’m working with them 1 on 1. We take a deep dive into what does being a woman mean to you. Because when you really start going through those messages, what makes a good woman, It is somebody who is selfless. It is somebody who takes care of everybody else.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:09:06]:

Nobody says a good woman as somebody who takes excellent care of her yourself. Nobody. I have been doing this work in one form or another since 2017. I’ve actually been doing it since 2007 in a different format, but really 2017, In this regard, in not once, not ever, have I ever had somebody say a good woman is somebody who takes excellent care of herself first. A good woman is somebody who always puts on her own oxygen mask and make sure her tank is on full So she can take care of everybody else. Nobody’s ever said that because it’s not something that we believe. So self care, we do it because it feels good. We do it because it makes us a better thinker.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:09:57]:

We do it because we deserve it. But we also do it because it does help us take care of other people. It does help us show up for our family, for our friends, in our career. And it’s not something that is a corrective action. It’s something that really, really needs to be done along the way consistently. So let’s just dive into that. And then, if you need some help with your own consistent Self care? Go to sparkle all season.com, www.sparkle all season.com, Anne, you can join my quarterly group. It is based on the wisdom of the seasons.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:10:44]:

We’re of Just wrapping up the wisdom of the fall. We’re moving into winter. Then we’ll do spring and summer, and then we’ll just keep doing it all over again. That group is only $47 for the quarter, so, really, it’s a no brainer. And what it is is it’s a support group of people who are committed to taking those small steps day at a time to nurture themselves, To fill themselves up, to live in harmony with the seasons so they’re always present With themselves. They’re always present with themselves, so they never end up Giving away too much of themselves again so they never end up getting depleted. Suffering from adrenal fatigue, I did that one, Feeling resentful, bitter. So they always have themselves first On their own priority to do list.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:11:47]:

So www.sparkle all season.com, you can learn more, Or you can just sign up. It’s $47 for a quarter. It truly is a no brainer. Okay. Let’s start from the beginning. Let’s start Kind of from the very basics. If you were taking care of another living being, whether it’s a child or an animal or even a plant, The things that you would start off with, the most basic things are food, water, and sleep. And that’s where I really want you to start with yourself, especially if you feel like you are really falling apart, food, water, and sleep.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:12:27]:

We all know that we’re supposed to drink enough water. Drink water. Put some cucumber slices in it. Put some strawberries in it. Put some lemon in it. Put something in it if you’re like, I don’t like water, but just drink water. One of the things that I’ve realized about myself is I don’t like really cold water. I like hot water.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:12:50]:

I like warm water. So I will fill myself sometimes just

 

Speaker B [00:12:55]:

a mug of hot water.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:12:57]:

Sometimes I put tea in it. I love tea. But sometimes I’ll just do hot water, Sometimes hot water with lemon. Just figure out what you like. Experiment with the different flavors. Experiment with the different temperatures, And just drink water. Because when you’re hydrated, you feel better and your brain works better. Now food.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:13:22]:

Food is another big thing. And, yes, I could sit here and I could tell you about nutrition, and I could tell you about Fruits and vegetables and clean proteins and blah blah blah blah blah blah. But here’s the bottom line on that. I feel like you probably know that. I feel like most of us know that eating fruits is good. Eating vegetables is good. Eating clean sources of protein is good. Too much salt is bad.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:13:51]:

I feel like we know a lot of these basic things, And I don’t even want to spend the time talking about that because if you wanna know more about nutrition, you can Google it. At this point, I just want you to take care of yourself by eating, by eating foods that feel pretty healthy, Whatever that means for you. I also want you to not underestimate the power of comfort food. If mac and cheese or pizza is a comfort food and it’s gonna bring you some comfort, eat it. Make it, buy it, have it delivered. I don’t care. Now is not the time to totally Start counting your macros and denying yourself, you know, things that you like because of health reasons. Eat what feels good to you.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:14:46]:

Yes. Be mindful. If you’re gonna indulge in a huge thing of mac and cheese, you know it’s probably a calorie bomb, And you probably don’t wanna do that 3 meals a day for 6 weeks on end, but ask yourself what you want. Ask yourself what feels good. If you had parents that would cook you something that was comforting to you and that’s what you’re craving, Make it for yourself. Or if your parents are around, ask them if they’ll make it for you. Ask yourself what you want, And then nurture yourself by giving it to yourself. If it’s your kid’s birthday, how many of you would do the special birthday meal? What do you want? And then you make whatever the kids want.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:15:37]:

This is the time to do that for you. Take care of yourself by feeding yourself what you want. Yes. Be mindful of what you need, but Also give yourself what you want. It will make you feel better. Now sleep. Sleep is Other big thing, and I know oh my god. I know how hard it is when you can’t sleep.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:16:02]:

And then when you can’t sleep, everything hurts, And you can’t think because you’re all blurry. And then you’re sleeping in the day, and it’s miserable. One of my favorite tips on sleeping is, it’s Doctor. Teals is the brand, and it’s a lavender bubble bath with melatonin in it. And when I fill my tub with that, the lavender scent, the bubbles, and then the melatonin, I sleep really, really well. Play around. Get some different bath salts. You can just try Epsom salts, or you can try that doctor Teal’s bath salts that I recommend too.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:16:41]:

But having a hot bath and then letting your body cool will induce sleep. Because when you sleep, your body starts Getting naturally cooler. So when you give yourself that heat followed by that cool of getting out of the tub and you have your temperature drop, it can make you sleepy. Reading. Reading can really help you sleep because your eyes are doing that back and forth side to side that mimics the REM cycle. So take a hot bath. I have used some melatonin as well. I know there’s different brands.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:17:17]:

I’m not recommending any brand on that one, And sometimes you can use it for a week, a month, something like that. Read the directions. But melatonin really has helped me get back in that sleep cycle. Other things that help besides the bath, in reading, in melatonin is doing some gentle stretching before bed. Nothing that revs me up, but just using a foam roller, doing a little bit of self massage, Stretching, putting my phone away so I don’t have electronics for, like, an hour before bed, that helps. And then with the obsessive thoughts, writing them down, journaling, keeping that pen and paper by my bed, and just writing things down, that helps too. And then also just allowing myself the grace and space of when I can’t sleep, I can’t sleep. Because how many times have you been more keyed up and nervous over the fact that you can’t sleep than actually not sleeping? Sometimes just letting that go is actually really helpful as well.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:18:26]:

Another great tip for self care is taking vitamins. Again, I’m not, like, diagnosing or treating or recommending anything, but here’s what I do know. Most people could use a good multivitamin. A good multivitamin is is just an assurance. It’s just an assurance that if you’re missing something, that you’re getting it. So a good multivitamin is not going to hurt most people. I also know that when you’re stressed, your body burns B vitamins. When you’re stressed, your body burns B vitamins.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:19:03]:

So when I’m stressed, when I’m going through a lot of stuff, I supplement with a b complex. Now be sure not to take a b complex Sorry. Any kind of a bee on an empty stomach because one of the bees can make you really nauseous if you take it on an empty stomach. Vitamin d, I also know, is really, really important for depression and mood. And I know that many people are low on vitamin d, Especially because a lot of us, and rightfully so, but use sunscreen. And then when we don’t have that sun hitting our skin, we’re not Producing the amount of vitamin d that we need, and

 

Speaker B [00:19:42]:

that can lead to a

 

Lora Cheadle [00:19:42]:

whole host of issues including depression and not feeling good. So B vitamins and vitamin D are 2 that I often recommend looking into or supplementing when you’re going through something. And then lastly, on the vitamin end, probiotics are always a good idea. Probiotics are always a good idea, but they’re especially a good idea if you’re already feeling a little nauseous because of emotional reasons And if you’re having a hard time eating and eating good quality food, take yourself some probiotics. So those are the basics. That’s really what I wanted to start, eating, sleeping, and drinking water. And again, like I said, yes, these are things that you can do to repair and to make yourself feel better, but these are So it’s just the basic level things that you should be doing along the way for maintenance being a human. Now some other, quote, higher level self care activities, again, are things that are really useful when You need to make yourself feel better, but they’re also the things that just make life worth living.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:21:00]:

They’re the yum factor. They’re the, oh, boy, wasn’t my life amazing factor. These are the memories that you will have that will keep you warm on a cold night. These are the things that your mind will go back to, and these are the things that, yes, I want you to lean into now because you’re dealing with a lot of drama. But also going forward, I want you to promise that you will start implementing on a more consistent regular daily basis. And these include connecting with nature. Even if you’re not a quote nature lover, Connect with nature. We are of the Earth.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:21:44]:

As humans, we are of the Earth. Like it or not, we are in sync with the cycles of the moon. Think about when you have your period, that is done in the cycles of the moon. We sleep and wake with the cycles of the sun rising and setting. Our bodies naturally get more tired in the winter, and we have more energy in the summer. You can say I’m not really into nature all you want, But your body is nature. Your body is of this planet and your body and your mind and your spirit are all connected to the cycles of the season. So start learning a little bit about the cycles of the season.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:22:28]:

That’s what Sparkle All Season is really, really good at. Is helping you tune in to what is normal and natural for this season. What should my body be doing in this season? What should my mind be doing in that season? Put your feet on the ground. Put your tush on the ground. Sit in the grass. Touch a tree. Hug a tree. Look at nature.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:22:53]:

Take a walk. Hear the water, Whether it’s an ocean or a river, listen to animals. Let yourself be in the wind or the rain or the snow. Connect to nature because it makes you feel like you’re a part of something bigger because guess what? You are a part of something bigger. Books. Read books. Listen to books. Not only is it Fun to lose yourself in a story because it takes your head out of your own problems, but it can also be a great way to help you solve problems because you read something and you’re like, Oh, that makes sense, and it’s fun.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:23:40]:

If you’re not into books, Either reading them or listening, what about music? Music changes your frequency. It changes your vibration. It makes you feel a certain way. If you wanna listen to sad, horrible music to help you grieve, do it. But then follow it up by listening to more joyful music. You can use music to help you sleep. You can use music to help energize you. You can use music to keep you going.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:24:11]:

Bounce. Feel it in your body. And music leads right to dance. Dance music, they’re uniquely human. We clap in rhythm, we bounce to the beat. When we bounce, when we clap, when we sing, we are releasing pent up Energy, we are releasing toxic emotion. Move. Sing.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:24:42]:

Let yourself experience the joy of song and dance. Think about art. If you’re not into singing or dancing or nature, what about art? You don’t have to be the best watercolor or pastel person in the world. You can just doodle. Grab some fun markers. There is sometimes nothing more fun than a fresh notebook and a fresh thing of crayons or markers. Go to the store, Walmart, Target, something like that, And just play in their office supply aisles. Pick yourself up some markers and doodle and draw.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:25:24]:

You can grab an adult coloring book, Or you can just create things on your own. Never underestimate the power of crafting. You can go to one of those ceramic stores. You can go to a fabric store. You can pick up a kid on knitting. Learning something new is powerful. Again, whether it’s arts or crafts or music or how to do a dance. Learning something is hugely powerful.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:25:57]:

Again, when I work with my people, We focus on learning new skills and learning new strategies because it challenges you to grow, And it builds up that self trust muscle because you’re like, yeah. I can decide I wanna do something, I can commit to it, and I can learn it. And that feels amazing, and it builds confidence. And then you do have a new skill. Baking can be a skill. Teach yourself a new recipe. Did you play an instrument when you were a kid? Hop on YouTube. Take some lessons.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:26:39]:

Sign up for something at the rec center. Go on meetup. Look for groups of people doing things that you’re interested in, climbing, exploring, whatever it is. And that kinda leads to that next thing, which is people. Whether you’re a people person or not, Being around people can really help. Whether you’re in community, like, at a church And you’ve got that fellowship or whether you were just coming to one of my monthly support groups. Meeting with people who are going through what you were going through makes you feel normal again. Connect with people Even if even if it’s to be like, I don’t really like people, go to a networking group.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:27:33]:

Find out what’s Happening in your community. Go to a Chamber of Commerce meeting. Google the local optimist clubs, the Kiwanis Clubs. Just show up. Get yourself out of your comfort zone. See what’s around you. One of the organizations I had reached out to early on was Polkadot Powerhouse. Polkadot Powerhouse is a networking group for women, But it’s really based on connection, not only business.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:28:04]:

So there’s things like coffees. And last week In my community, women went out to a dance class and did a salsa dance class. Reach out to the different organizations and just see if you like it or Not. Connection, creativity, and people can really be balm for the soul. Again, even if they’re the kind of people that you don’t necessarily like, it helps you clarify what you do like. One of my pet peeves is in self care. We have this belief that I tried it and I didn’t like it, so I quit and it’s not for me. There’s that Einstein quote about he didn’t fail.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:28:48]:

He just came up with, like, 700 different ways that a light bulb didn’t work, And that’s true. And that’s my challenge to you to do self care. Come up with as many things as possible that you don’t like. Because the bigger list of things that you have that you don’t like, the closer you are to finding out the things that you do like. 2 of the activities in my book, are really kind of based on this concept. One of them, I have you go to a thrift store, And I have you just literally go up and down every single aisle in the thrift store because thrift stores are treasure troves of all of these random things, Whether it’s toys or housewares or things like that, when you’re in a thrift store, you really get those creative juices going. You’re like, oh, look, prom dresses. Oh, look, you know, this kind of a paint by number set.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:29:45]:

Oh, look, photo Oh, look. It helps you start thinking about all of these different things, and it just gets you outside of yourself. And what I ask you to do in my book, my book is FLAUNT!, drop your cover and reveal your smart, sexy, and spiritual self, As I ask you to purchase an outfit or at least try on an outfit that is you outside of your comfort zone, If you’ve always wanted an executive career and you’ve just never had it, find a suit that personifies executive career. If you’ve always wanted to be, like, sexy and daring and bold, Find an outfit that’s sexy and daring and bold. Put it on. Take a picture of yourself. Purchase it. Give yourself the visceral, tangible connection With who and how you want to be.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:30:51]:

That’s self care. And it sounds so funny to say going to a thrift Storm walking around on the aisles and looking at things is self care, but it is. Because you’re gonna find something that reminds you of your great aunt so and so. You’re gonna find something that reminds you of your grandma or your friend. You’re gonna find something and you’d be like, I’ve always want one of these. This is so cool. Look, rainbow roller blades. That is self care, is just giving yourself the chance to be, to wonder, To look at things and to allow yourself to be reminded.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:31:28]:

As you know, I’m a huge proponent of intentionality and being intentional And deciding who you wanna be and deciding how you wanna be and reverse engineering and going into that blah blah blah blah blah. And yet at the same time, There is huge joy in just allowing yourself to be surprised, in wandering around a strange city, In going on a hot drive and not really knowing where you’re going and in going to a thrift store and just Wandering around and letting yourself be totally surprised. And, yes, it does have to be a thrift store, and here’s why. We all know what to expect in Target. We all know what to expect in Kohl’s. We all know what to expect in just about every single mainstream store. And when you go to a thrift store, it’s just different, and it just shakes up your brain. And that’s why I always recommend Going to a thrift store and just walking around as self care.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:32:26]:

Buying yourself something that you love, something that is silly is also self care because we’re so used to judging things and grading things and deciding if something is worth it or not worth it. And when you’re at a thrift store and it’s, like, $20, it doesn’t matter. It’s worth it. You can buy it just because it’s fun or just because it reminds you of something. The other activity that I recommend in my book that is a Huge form of self care is spending extra time in the morning getting ready, Buying products that you love, whether it’s shampoo and conditioner that just makes your hair extra soft or Soap or shampoo that smells so good or getting yourself a fancy toothbrush. Create time and space for yourself. When you get ready in the morning and when you get ready for bed at night, Create that time to be with yourself, to touch yourself, to love yourself, To make yourself fancy, whether making yourself fancy is just rubbing on hand lotion, Or brushing your hair. Or putting on perfume that you like.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:33:54]:

Or doing a makeup tutorial. It’s just time for you. It’s not about anybody else. It’s not about Like, sometimes people will say, that’s gonna make me less less self confident because then I’m gonna feel like I have to do these. It’s not about Having to do anything. It’s about honoring yourself with the time and the space to play around with yourself. What looks good on my eyes? Oh, let’s try a new hairstyle and see what works. It’s just honoring yourself with time, time to dink around, Time to see what makes you feel better or look better.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:34:40]:

And there is truly nothing wrong with looking better because when you look better, You do feel better. I had downloaded from Instagram one of those face exercise things When I was going through betrayal recovery, and I would spend the 10 minutes a day doing my little face exercises, and it was fun. It was fun because, first, I was learning something. Second of all, I felt like I was doing something good for myself. Again, it’s not about, like, I have to be gorgeous or I can’t age. It was just Act of doing something for myself that I enjoyed. I like working out, and I like fitness, and I’m like, oh, face exercises? Let’s try it. Get yourself a book on face yoga.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:35:28]:

Buy one of those fun little beauty devices. Play around with it because it’s you treating you. And it doesn’t matter how you treat you, whether it’s just getting a teeth whitening kit and putting on your little strips, do something that treats you. It’s fun, and it is not superficial. Do your hair. Get a haircut. You can buy a box of dye at Walgreens. Do something that’s fun and that it makes you feel good.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:36:03]:

Along these same lines, doing things for yourself, I want you to honor yourself by investing in yourself. Tell me if this sounds familiar. I can’t do that because I have no idea what’s going on, and I have no idea if I’m gonna be needing to Save money and if I’m gonna need to be moving out on my own or what a divorce is gonna cost or blah blah blah blah blah blah. Oh my god. Now is the time to invest in yourself. Now more than any other time is the time to invest in yourself. Is your future up in the air? Of course. But you know what? You’re gonna create a better future for yourself if you have invested in yourself.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:36:44]:

Do you need a class on how to handle money? Invest in it. Do you need therapy because you’re in a Severe trauma state and you need to really unpack your childhood? Invest in it. Are you, like, totally upset Because of the infidelity and you have no idea what it means and you can’t sleep and you feel not nauseous all the time, hire me. You need a coach. You need someone to give you the strategy and the skills to get through this faster and more efficiently than doing it on your own. Do you need lessons? Guitar lessons? Piano lessons? I would say that you do. I would say that now is a really good time to invest in you. You have been cut down.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:37:32]:

You have had the rug pulled out from under you. Your ego is probably suffering. Your self worth is probably suffering. Now is the time to invest in yourself. And let me say this too because this is something that I hear people say. They say, I can do it on my own. I’m actually feeling better and I’ve been listening to your podcast and I understand things differently and I can totally do this on my own. And what I say is, of course, you can do things on your own, but it’s also gonna take longer because you don’t see your own blind spots.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:38:07]:

Hire someone. Let them help you get there further faster. Let them help you. When I work month to month with people, it’s $349 a month. That is less than $100 a week For having somebody by your side nonstop in your ear 20 47, helping you through. I make such progress with people in 1 month that they grow by leaps and bounds. They have decisions that have been made. They are clear about their future.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:38:46]:

They are confident that the steps they are taking are the right steps. They know if they’re gonna stay or go or if they’re gonna wait and how long they’re going to wait. That’s invaluable. Do you wanna know that now? Pay your $348 and you can know that now, And then you can move on or do it on your own, and 3 months later, you still might be going, I’m just not sure. I’m just not sure. So whatever it is that you need, whether it’s guitar lessons because you just Really, really need to do something that you love. Whether it’s financial literacy classes, Whether it’s hiring an attorney and getting the divorce started, whether it’s hiring me and having me walk by your side for 1 month, 2 months, 3 months, 6 months, whatever you need, you’re gonna go further and faster with support than you’re Ever going to go on your own because you’re gonna have that accountability, and I don’t want you to ever underestimate accountability. Having somebody there saying, you know what? I’m calling you next Tuesday.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:39:58]:

We’re getting together on Friday. Have you read this? Have you done this? It helps. It helps focus your mind. It helps give you direction, Give yourself direction. It could be a personal trainer. It could be a personal chef. You could just sign up for Zumba classes. Invest in yourself.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:40:22]:

Give yourself somewhere to go, something to do Now, especially. But also going forward, there should always, I’m a firm believer in all of us, should have something that we’re paying for for ourselves at all times, and I do mean that. It Could just be. I’ve got a lot of people who do, I’m forgetting what it’s called, but it’s like this email that comes in and you get discounts on books. My readers will use that email, and they invest in books for themselves. People do invest in different lessons or courses or classes. I have invested in Rebel Fit. That’s a fun online dance thing.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:41:07]:

I do a lot of the Tracy Anderson workouts online. You can invest in one of those massage places. Elements, I think is the name of it. And there’s another one that I’m losing. But it’s like you can get these massage memberships. There’s places where you can get beauty memberships, and you can go on and you can get a facial once a month. I really think everybody should be investing in something for themselves because it gives you that accountability, and it also gives you that outside perspective. And It’s you putting your stake in the ground and declaring yourself as worth it.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:41:47]:

You do lessons for your kids. I’m guessing your spouse has done things like golf memberships or car things or whatever it is, But by and large, women don’t invest in themselves. Energy work, therapy, coaching, You should always have something that you are investing in yourself. Another great way to do self care is to go away, truly to go away by yourself. It could be just going away in your own town, Renting an Airbnb or a hotel, or it could be taking a major trip, but leaving, going away, getting out of your environment is Valuable. We’ve got a retreat coming up in, the end of beginning of March, But think about different retreats, different ways to get away. If you can travel, I really do recommend that because, again, it’s a new perspective. It’s new food.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:42:53]:

It’s new sounds. It’s new smells. It’s new cultures. Anything to nurture you and nourish you by creating some change. Journaling. Journaling is a great form of self care. Learning breath work. One of my favorite breath work techniques, And I’ll just do that with you right now is breathing in for a count of 4, holding for a count of 7, And then exhaling for a count of 8.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:43:27]:

Whenever the exhalation is longer than the inhalation, It creates a relaxing effect. And because 478 is a little bit harder to think about, It really engages your whole mind because you’re like, I have to count. I have to think. I have to feel this. And the breath, The hold and the exhalation are long enough that you really have to try, and if you do 4 rounds of this breath, It’s gonna change the way you feel. It’s a great, great technique. And let’s just do it once together. 4, 7, 8.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:44:03]:

In for 4, hold for 7, exhale for 8. Are you ready? Okay. In for 4, Hold for 7, Out for 8. One more time. In for 43, 21. Hold. 7, six, five, 4, 321. Exhale.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:44:52]:

8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. How do you feel? Doing 2 more rounds of that Takes what? Seconds? And again, feel how you feel just doing it twice. It’s already a shift. EFT tapping. You can learn EFT tapping online. There’s just little tapping points on your body That helps calm you. That’s a self care technique, something that I teach people too. Affirmations, Positive affirmations I am statements.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:45:36]:

I am calm. I am peace. I am beautiful. I am worth it. Really, really working with affirmations is powerful. We’ve already talked about, like, movement, dance, things like that, but also exercise, yoga, Doing things routinely and regularly for your body. If you’re the kind of person that loves things like essential oils, Investments in essential oils. Learn about them.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:46:09]:

Again, I’ve said learning is a good thing. Learn about the different oils, what they do. Lavender, eucalyptus. Play around with them. Light candles. Find scents that you like. Light candles. Look at the flame.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:46:26]:

Meditate. Look at the flame. Don’t consciously meditate, but just Look at your candle. Set a ritual space for yourself where when you come home, Maybe you change, you light a candle, you pour yourself a beautiful glass of water. Get yourself a glass that you really, really like. Do some stretching. Rule your shoulders. Do some breath work.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:46:54]:

Create that outer space right in your journal. Just create something beautiful for you. Take a bath. Put on some beautiful pajamas. Rub yourself with some lotion. Get yourself something delicious to eat. There are All of these different things that you can do. Call friends.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:47:22]:

Find some music or meditations on YouTube that you like. The bottom line With the self care, and I’ve gone through so many different examples though. But the bottom line is asking yourself what you want in the moment. If I could have anything, what would I want right now? And it might be to talk to somebody, and it might be to just play around, And it might be to sleep, and it might be to watch a movie. The goal is to ask yourself what you want And to give yourself what you want because self care is taking care of yourself. And all of the things that you would do for another person are the things that I really want you to start getting in the habit of doing for yourself. When your kids came home from school, you’d say, are you hungry? Are you thirsty? Do you wanna tell me about your day? Do you wanna go play a video game? Do you wanna go play with kids? Do Do you wanna do this? Do you wanna do that? It’s that process of inquiry. And we actually lose that process of inquiry as we grow up Because we start thinking that we have things to do and that we have to do those things first, and then we can take care of ourselves later, and then we have kids and spouses and animals and all that.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:48:44]:

And again, we do all of those things for other people because, yeah, maybe our kids can’t feed themselves. No. The animals can’t feed themselves. And it’s not that I’m advocating that we neglect others, not. It’s just that I’m advocating asking yourself what you need first. Or if it can’t be first because the dog needs to go out because the dog’s been home alone all day, I get that. But ask yourself second, don’t neglect yourself because there have been far too many days in my life Where I just never get around to doing what I wanna do. I never get around to having a beauty day and to making a, you know, make a face mask.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:49:26]:

I used to make them out of, like, oatmeal and do that stuff. I never get around to it because I’m busy with other things. I never get around to reading because I’m so busy with other things. I never actually get around to signing up for that ballet class or that guitar class because I don’t want to spend the money or take the time away from my family. And self care is just about making the time. Because here’s the thing, you will be better off After you have taken care of yourself, and others will be better off too because you will be nurtured and nourished and able to give them more, but you’re also setting a really, really good example. Because here’s my question for you. Do you want your kids Treating themselves the way you treat yourself? Do you want your daughter running herself ragged at everybody else’s expense? No.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:50:28]:

We really want better for others, but we’re not willing to give it to ourselves. And then the other part of this is when other people witness you taking care excellent care of yourself, they will start taking excellent care of you too. And I am not saying that you caused the infidelity. I am not saying that if you would have taken better care of yourself, your partner would’ve would not have cheated. I’m not saying that. But what I am saying is we do teach people how to treat us. We teach people how to treat us by the way we treat ourselves. And if I will not lower myself, other people are less likely to lower me too.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:51:15]:

And if I take better care of myself, other people are more inclined to take better care of me too Because they know my standards, and I know my standards. And I’m less likely to tolerate Bad behavior because I know my standards. And standards is something that, Again, we don’t talk about like, we’re getting better at it. But for most of us growing up, People didn’t talk about what are the standards you hold for yourself. And when they did, it was kind of done and, that’s not really realistic. What are the standards you hold for yourself? I want a life of beauty, of peace, of time, of pleasure, of growth, of fun, of feeling good, And if walking through a thrift store and then getting a chocolate malt And then go hanging out in nature and taking off my shoes and sticking my feet in the lake. Make me feel good? There’s nothing wrong with that, and there’s everything right with that. So that’s what I want you to think about is what you can do right now to make yourself feel better, But also what you can do going forward in the future on a pretty much daily basis that is going to make you feel good.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:52:53]:

Start by asking yourself, what do you want right now? I just wanna sit down. I want a nap. Ask yourself what you need, And give yourself what you need. And if you want support, www. Sparkle all season.com. $47 for a quarter, and you can really start taking a deep dive into How to take care of you. Have an amazing week, and always remember to FLAUNT! exactly who you are, Because who you are is always more than enough.

 

Speaker B [00:53:33]:

Wait a minute. Before you go on, I’ve got something for you that you are going to love. It’s the sparkle After betrayal recovery guide, a downloadable guide that shows you exactly how to untangle yourself from the past, Powerfully reclaim your sexy and rechoreograph your future one step at a time. The best part? It’s free, and downloading it gives you access to our monthly support calls as well. What are you waiting for? Break out of the pain and get your sparkle on today. Go to naked self worth.com. That’s www.nakedselfworth.com, And get your guide today.

 

Narrator [00:54:31]:

Tune in next time to FLAUNT!. Find your sparkle and create a life you love after infidelity or betrayal with radio host and live choreographer, Lora every Wednesday at 7 AM and 7 PM EST on syndicated DreamVision 7 Radio Network. Develop naked self worth and reclaim your confidence, enthusiasm, and joy so you can create a life you love and embrace who you are today. Download your free sparkle through betrayal recovery guide at naked self worth.com.