Do you know the difference between resolutions and goals? Make 2025 the year that everything shifts for you. Discover how to set meaningful intentions, show up differently, and break down goals into manageable steps that lead to real transformation.
Top Takeaways:
- Resolutions
- What they are, how to set them, and why they’re especially powerful after experiencing infidelity and betrayal.
- Explore the importance of aligning your resolutions with your deeper intentions.
- Ask yourself: What is my intention for 2025?
- Goal Setting
- Learn how to break your resolutions into specific, actionable steps that are measurable and achievable.
- Uncover strategies to stay consistent and create lasting change through the synergy of goals and resolutions.
- Who Do You Want to Become in 2025?
- The way you spend your days is the way you spend your life.
- Envision the person you want to be and consciously design your daily habits, mindset, and choices to reflect that vision.
Want More?
Join Lora for a FREE Vision Board Workshop in late January! This workshop is free when you purchase and review a copy of her upcoming book, It’s Not Burnout; It’s Betrayal: 5 Steps to FUEL UP and Thrive, Available for Pre-Order on Amazon..
Special Announcement!
Upcoming Book Release
Don’t miss the release of Lora Cheadle’s new book, “It’s Not Burnout, It’s Betrayal: 5 Tools to FUEL UP & Thrive,” on January 21st. This essential guide differentiates between burnout and betrayal, offering five transformative steps to recovery.
Get your free downloadable guide on the “The Top Three Ways You Betray Yourself Every Day, and How to Stop” at www.burnoutorbetrayal.com.
Are you ready to Rise Up & Reign as the creator and queen of your life, let’s talk. I will walk by your side and give you the perspective, permission, and wisdom needed to turn your betrayal experience into something constructive, empowering, and transformative in all the right ways.
Work individually with Lora or complete her online Rise Up & Reign Affair Recovery Program in the privacy of your own home. Learn more at www.AffairRecoveryForWomen.com
About Lora:
Lora Cheadle is an attorney, TEDx speaker, and betrayal recovery coach who helps women turn their devastation into an invitation to rise up and reign. Whether reclaiming what they let go of along the way, rebuilding their identity, or stepping into a stronger sense of self-trust and self-worth, Lora’s expert guidance empowers women to uncover the truth™ of what they are capable of and deserve. After being shattered by her husband’s fifteen years of infidelity, Lora knows firsthand the skills and strategies necessary to stop feeling broken and start living fully and freely.
She is licensed to practice law in California and Colorado, is a trauma-aware coach, clinical hypnotherapist, somatic attachment therapist, advanced integrated energy practitioner, and is certified to teach yoga, mindfulness, group fitness, and personal train. She is the author of the International Book Awards Finalist and Tattered Cover Bestseller, FLAUNT! Drop Your Cover and Reveal Your Smart, Sexy, & Spiritual Self and host of the podcast FLAUNT! Create a Life You Love After Infidelity and Betrayal. She lives in Colorado and loves travel, adventure, and a good book. Learn more at www.loracheadle.com
Get Relief Now!
Download your Sparkle After Betrayal Recovery Guide at www.BetrayalRecoveryGuide.com and start reclaiming yourself and your life today!
Get Relief Now!
Download your Sparkle After Betrayal Recovery Guide at www.BetrayalRecoveryGuide.com and start reclaiming yourself and your life today!
Thank you to BetterHelp for sponsoring this podcast! Take charge of your mental health and get 10% off your first month of therapy at https://BetterHelp.com/FLAUNT
Untangle yourself from the past, reclaim your power, and own your worth so you can create a future you love on your own terms. All with a wink and a smile! Learn more at www.loracheadle.com and follow me across all social!
READY TO START A BETTER CHAPTER? Step into the future you’ve always dreamed of with the power of transformative rituals with the Mindful Subscription Box. Get a monthly box full of crystals, aromatherapy, and other spiritual tools worth $120. You deserve high-quality gems, crystals, oils, and mindfulness tools for self-care that truly work. It’s a monthly dose of self-love delivered right to your door! Go to www.Mindfulsouls.com and use Discount Code LORA30 for 30% off your order!
Purchase Lora’s book, FLAUNT! Drop Your Cover and Reveal Your Smart, Sexy & Spiritual Self on Amazon, IndieBound or wherever books are sold.
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Transcript
Lora Cheadle [00:00:01]:
You’re listening to Flaunt, find your sparkle and create a life you love after infidelity or betrayal. A podcast for women who’ve been betrayed by their intimate partner and want to turn their devastation into an invitation to reclaim them selves and their worth. Tune in weekly so you can start making sense of it all and learn how to be okay on the inside no matter what goes on on the outside. Download your free betrayal recovery toolkit at betrayalrecoveryguide.com.
Lora Cheadle [00:00:35]:
Hello and welcome to FLAWNT, create a life you love after infidelity or betrayal. I’m Laurie Cheadle. And today, we are going to talk about resolutions versus goals because it’s the beginning of the year, and so many people make new year’s resolutions. But there’s a big difference between resolutions and goals, particularly after betrayal. So that’s what we’re gonna talk about. Resolutions versus goals after betrayal and how to commit to personal change and achieve results that you love. So buckle up. It is going to be a good one.
Lora Cheadle [00:01:21]:
But before we get into that, I also wanted to share my big exciting news. My big exciting news is my second book. It’s not burnout. It’s betrayal. 5 tools to fuel up and thrive is launching on January 21st on Amazon. So I definitely definitely would love it if you could pick up a copy. You can preorder right now or, that that’s preorder for the Kindle version, you know, the electronic version. But if you’d like to get a paperback copy, you can also do that.
Lora Cheadle [00:02:01]:
And the paperbacks are launching early. They are launching on January 11th because I need a few of you to pick up the paperback and read it early and then submit an Amazon review. Because when the, Kindle version comes out, it’s important that there are already reviews on Amazon. So if you would like to be one of my prereaders, you can do that too. You can pick up a book starting January 11th. Everybody else, you can just order the Kindle version now or pick it up on January 21st. I am just so super excited about the whole thing. And if you’re having troubles finding it, it’s on Amazon.
Lora Cheadle [00:02:47]:
But if you’re having troubles finding it, send me an email. I’m happy to send you the link because sometimes Amazon links get crossed, and then it’s not very fun. So definitely do that. And I have got several different big thank yous for any of you who leave a review. And you know what? If you wanna leave a review on flaunt and or the other the new book that it’s not for not it’s betrayal book, I’m happy to give you these bonuses. These bonuses are truly For anybody who wants to be a pre reader and leave a review, and the bonuses are 2, 2 fold. The first one is a free vision board workshop with me at the end of January. Because it’s really important to get through the holidays before we start, you know, doing all of this stuff.
Lora Cheadle [00:03:42]:
And the second thing is a downloadable, day planner that is based on the moon cycles. Because as you know, I I am really big on following the seasons, following the cycles of the moon. And it’s just a downloadable day planner, and it gives you the moon information. And then it gives you, like, you know, the the top three goals to accomplish every day, every month. It gives you a little worksheet to fill out, for the day. But what I really like the most about it is the way that it ties into the cycles of the moon. So if you would like to be my prereader, if you would like to leave a review, you will get my free vision board workshop, and you will get a copy of the moon day planner. To make sure I don’t miss you, please go to burnoutorbetrayal.com.
Lora Cheadle [00:04:37]:
There’s also some fun fun little downloads, there. And then when you sign up, I’ll automatically send you those things when you send me your review. And if you’re like, no. I don’t wanna sign up for anything. Just shoot me an email, Laura atlaurateeadle.com, and I will send you all the goodies. So I can’t wait. I can’t wait for you to read this book. It’s definitely gonna be helpful.
Lora Cheadle [00:05:00]:
It’s not burnout. It’s betrayal. 5 tools to fuel up and thrive launching in January on Amazon. So whoop whoop whoop. I’m excited for that. So now let’s get into the show. Resolutions versus goals after betrayal and how to commit to personal change so you can achieve results that you love. Okay.
Lora Cheadle [00:05:28]:
Let’s start 1st. I’ve got my notes up on the screen here because I don’t wanna miss anything. First of all, let’s talk about the difference between resolutions and goals because, yes, they are different. A resolution is an intent. It is something that you intend to do. I intend to be happier. I intend to be more disciplined. I intend to eat better.
Lora Cheadle [00:05:56]:
I intend to move more. It’s an intent that you have. It is something that you want to change. Now trick question here. Who can you change? You can change yourself. You can’t change anybody else. You can only change yourself. So that’s why New Year’s resolutions are for you.
Lora Cheadle [00:06:22]:
I can’t make a New Year’s resolution for my spouse or my kids or my friends. My resolution is a statement of what I intend to change for me. It’s something that you can change and start doing. It’s something you can change and stop doing. But a New Year’s resolution is a statement of intent versus a goal. A goal is a commitment. It’s a goal of a statement of what you want to achieve. It is based on achievement.
Lora Cheadle [00:07:02]:
It is based on results. So if you have a new year’s resolution to work out more, to feel better, you intend to do some things that’s a little bit different than setting a goal to work out 3 times a week or to eat within a certain, you know, calorie range or macro range. A goal is very specific. It is an action that you will do. It is a result that you will attain, and it’s something that you will or you will not achieve. So a goal might be running 10 miles, losing £10, reaching out to 10 new friends, reading 10 new books, whatever it is. That is a goal. And it’s easy to check.
Lora Cheadle [00:07:52]:
Yes. No. Did I run 10 miles? Yes. No. That is your goal. That’s not a resolution. Versus the resolution, I intend to work out more. That could be 7 times a week.
Lora Cheadle [00:08:04]:
That could be 3 times a week. It could be different every single week. It’s just your intention to do better and to prioritize fitness more. So does that make sense? Resolution is the intent. The goal is the action, the commitment to change and to achieve something. Similar, but definitely very different. Okay. So why is this distinction essential for anybody, but especially to those of us who are recovering from infidelity and from betrayal? Betrayal recovery is a whole different animal and healing after infidelity is one of those things that you can have an intend.
Lora Cheadle [00:08:56]:
I intend to heal, but you can’t necessarily have the goal to heal because then you’re setting yourself up for failure. So in 2025, you might say, I intend to heal from betrayal. I intend to heal after infidelity. I intend to have a certain level of personal growth. I intend to do these different things, and then you will take action that supports that intention versus a goal of saying, I will, you know, I will get my spouse to committed to therapy. Wait a minute. First of all, it’s your spouse. It’s not you.
Lora Cheadle [00:09:37]:
Second of all, what does that really mean? Committed to therapy. Are you intending that they will heal? Are you intending that they will change? Are you intending? What does that really mean? So as you’re looking at your resolutions this year, as you’re looking about looking at your goals for 2025, I want you to be really realistic and also really kind to yourself. What is it that you intend to do? And then what are those goals that you hope to achieve? Because what I like to do is I like to have those goals that I want to achieve. I want to. Whatever it is, see a certain number of clients per year, take a certain number of vacation days per year, make a certain amount of money, lose a certain amount of weight, commit to all these different things. Like, I can take those goals because those are the things that tell me if I am achieving, if I am keeping myself on track. And then I look at what it takes to get there. One of my goals this year is to lower my body fat percentage.
Lora Cheadle [00:10:51]:
And I’m gonna get that nailed out. I’m gonna test it, and then I’m gonna see where I need to be. And then my intentions help support that goal. My goal is to have my body fat percentage at a certain percentage. So that’s a goal. There’s a hard, fast number there. The intentions that will get me there, eating better, working out more, taking better care of my body, lifting weights, drinking water. There’s a whole kind of mish mishmash of things that I intend to do differently in service of helping me achieve that goal.
Lora Cheadle [00:11:33]:
And the reason that I like to do it that way is for my personality, it’s easy to get lost in the minutia sometimes. And if I break down my goal of lowering my body fat percentage and I get too hung up on, I have to eat this many calories per day and I have to work out this many minutes per day. Oh my gosh. Y’all I lose it. I am just not that focused. I am not that structured. I am much more of a flow person. So if at the end of the day, it’s getting late and I can look and say my intention was to be healthier, then my brain starts kicking it.
Lora Cheadle [00:12:15]:
Oh, what are the different things that I can do to be healthier? I can stop right now and I can take a walk. I can commit to just a 30 minute exercise video. I can I’m I’m about to have dinner. I can do salad. I can do a chicken breast. I can do something a little bit healthier. I cannot have that dessert or that glass of wine that I was thinking I was going to have. My intention helps me figure out what I can do in that moment versus for me when I have a goal that I’m gonna work out however many many minutes a day, and then it gets to be the end of the day, and I haven’t hit it, I can go into a shame spiral.
Lora Cheadle [00:12:56]:
I can be like, oh my gosh. There’s no time to work out 15 minutes. I can’t get in 15 minutes. It’s already 9 o’clock. Okay. So if I work out for 15 minutes, then it’s gonna be 10 o’clock and then it’s blah, blah, blah. And then it’s not beneficial. And I don’t get what I wanted.
Lora Cheadle [00:13:12]:
And then I end up shaming myself, and then it’s easier to quit. Because that’s the other thing. Goals are easier to quit. Because when you’re setting those goals along the way, life gets busy. Life gets in the way, and sometimes the best laid plans just don’t happen. So that’s why I like my overarching goal, but then my intentions to help me get there. And that’s so important, like I said, when it comes to healing after infidelity and things like that. First of all, what does healing even mean to you? What does it look like? What does it mean? That’s a hard goal to have.
Lora Cheadle [00:13:56]:
Like saying, I intend to grow personally this year. Okay. This is gonna be my year of self development or spiritual growth or, you know, betrayal recovery or whatever it is. Great. What does that mean? Is that true? Is that something you can make a goal? Because I can’t because I don’t really know what it means. But that can be my resolution. That can be my intention. I resolve to heal.
Lora Cheadle [00:14:27]:
I resolve to recover. I resolve to develop and transform. I resolve to feel more joy. I resolve to leaning into freedom and fun. Those resolutions are intentions. They’re more intangible, but you can lean into them and thus feel more positive because you feel like you were on the road to success. When I resolve that this will be the year I heal and put it all behind me, that’s my intention. And every step that I take proactively brings me closer to that even if it doesn’t necessarily pan out.
Lora Cheadle [00:15:13]:
Because I don’t know if you’ve experienced this, but so many of my clients experience this and I experienced it too. Sometimes we think we found the answer. We’re like, this is it. And we try it, and it disappoints because it’s not exactly the answer. We think once I lose £10, everything is gonna shift. But once I get a new job, everything is gonna change. Once I learn how to meditate, everything is gonna change, and then it doesn’t. So with the intention, with the resolution, even when things don’t turn out, we’re like, oh, it is still my resolution to heal.
Lora Cheadle [00:15:53]:
It’s still my resolution to own my power. It’s still my resolution to whatever it is. And even if this didn’t work out, it’s okay. I learned 5,000 things that didn’t work. I’m still finding things that do. So the kindness, the stick to itiveness, all of that has really helped when you truly do create a resolution and you back away a little bit from goals and just lean more into the intention of some of these intangible things. Because did you know? Did you know that 60 to 65% of people make the same new year’s resolution year after year after year after year? Because by the end of January, they have stopped. They’ve given up.
Lora Cheadle [00:16:44]:
People will resolve to go to the gym every day, which isn’t a resolution. That’s a goal. And then they don’t. They skip a Saturday. They skip a whatever. And then they’re like, well, might as well quit. So what do you resolve this year? I wanna take a moment in silence to let you think about the power of resolutions and what you resolve for yourself. What are you committing to change about yourself? Resolutions focus on who you want to become.
Lora Cheadle [00:17:30]:
Not about what you want to achieve, but who you want to become. I want to be happy. I want to let go of bitterness. I have this personal commitment to change. I am resolving to transform myself personally. I resolve to rebuild trust after betrayal, either trust with myself or trust with my partner. And here’s the thing. When you have a resolution that involves somebody else like that, I resolve to rebuild trust after my relationship.
Lora Cheadle [00:18:10]:
And I may interest with my partner. You have to be aware. Are you doing the steps? Yes. I resolve to do that. If they back out, you still did it. You still resolve to bill build trust with your partner. Maybe they walked away. Maybe they’re doing everything right, but are you doing your part? Because resolutions are absolutely important for you, and they are absolutely unique to you.
Lora Cheadle [00:18:42]:
So what do you resolve? What do you resolve to become in 2025? And if you are one of my early readers, if you will be if you leave, a review on Amazon, we will do this a lot in the vision board workshop. So this is a really good precursor to that because I want you to be very clear about who you want to become, how you want to show up, how you want to feel, and then commit to that resolution because it is committing for your highest good. Okay. So take a moment and think about how you want to be in 2025. I want to be a little less frazzled. I want to be in my mastery. I want to be in my power. I want to have a quicker recovery when I lose it because I’m giving myself the grace and space to lose it, to get stressed, to be tired, to be hangry, to be whatever.
Lora Cheadle [00:19:59]:
But my resolution is to become quicker at recovery. Take some notes if you need to take some notes. And be sure to come back to this after the show too because, again, vision board workshop, you’re gonna need to know this stuff. And this is another reason why I like doing my vision board stuff at the end of January, sometimes even the big beginning of February. It takes time. It takes time to plan our year. And the truth of the matter is November December are just really busy months to try to plan our next year. They’re really busy months to try to settle in and think about what what we would want for our new year’s resolutions.
Lora Cheadle [00:20:50]:
So don’t spit something out because it sounds good. Oh, I wanna lose weight. Oh, I just wanna be happy. I want you to really think about it because this is a commitment. A resolution is a personal commitment to change. When I used to do hypnotherapy, I still do hypnotherapy. I still bring it into just about every single one of my coaching sessions. But when I was doing just general hypnotherapy, like stop smoking, weight loss, all of nail biting, all those different things.
Lora Cheadle [00:21:25]:
One of the things that I would really push people on before they booked a session was how much they wanted to change. Were they committed to change, or they were they really wanting me to motivate them to want change? Because those are 2 very different things. I can use hypnos hypnotherapy to make you want to change, But if you already want to change, I can use hypnotherapy to help you complete that change, to help you stay more committed to that resolution. And if you really, really don’t wanna change, if there’s a part of you that’s like, no. I really wanna hang on to some of this bitterness because it’s punishing my partner. I really wanna hang on to some of this because it’s giving me finally an excuse to drop out of to say no and to give my own self a break. Be honest about what you’re committed to because commitments take work. Commitments mean doing things that you don’t want to do.
Lora Cheadle [00:22:33]:
Think about when people say getting an animal is a commitment. It is a commitment. You gotta walk that dog whether it’s raining or snowing or if you’re tired or sore or whatever. You gotta walk the dog. You have to commit to it. You have to commit to feeding them. You have to commit to giving them fresh water. You have to commit to playing with them.
Lora Cheadle [00:22:52]:
It’s like having a child. When you have a child, you have to commit to doing things that you don’t wanna do because it’s a commitment. And that’s what it means to have a commitment. It means to do things that you don’t wanna do. So if a resolution is a commitment to change, it does mean doing some things that you don’t wanna do. I feel awkward sometimes reaching out to people. I feel scared writing letters or doing blogs sometimes because I’m sharing something that is deeply personal, and I hope it resonates. You know? I hope people aren’t like, I just don’t get what she’s trying to say.
Lora Cheadle [00:23:34]:
It’s a commitment, and it’s uncomfortable, and sometimes it fails. But I am committed. I have resolved. I have resolved to sharing my story in service of others. I have resolved to elevate and empower women everywhere to get through this. That is my commitment. That is my resolution. I have resolved to start talking about a topic that nobody wants to talk about.
Lora Cheadle [00:24:07]:
It’s my mission. It’s my resolution. It’s my commitment. And, yeah, there’s times I don’t want to. There’s times that blows up in my face, but it’s still my deepest, most sacred mission in life. I am resolved to doing this. What are you resolved to doing? What is something that you want so bad? It doesn’t matter if you’re cold or hungry or tired or busy or angry or feeling like a victim or crying that you will still do. That is what I want your resolution to be this year.
Lora Cheadle [00:24:59]:
Okay. Now we’re gonna talk about now that I’ve got you all hyped up and resolutions. We are gonna talk about the goal piece of that. Because like I was saying, you can commit. You can have a resolution. You can resolve to heal, but you can’t necessarily make that a goal. But you do need goals. Here’s the role of goals in betrayal recovery.
Lora Cheadle [00:25:30]:
You get the goals have a place in every single resolution, but here are the role the role of goals, that’s hard to say, specifically in betrayal recovery. Define what you want in some specific and measurable outcomes. One of the reasons people don’t heal from betrayal is because they don’t know what that means. When you reach out and do a session with me, the first thing I always ask people, it’s on my intake form, is what does healing from betrayal mean to you? Because what it means to me and what it means to you might be different. What it means today versus what it means for you in 3 months, in 6 months, a year might be different. So what does it mean? Explain in specific measurable terms what it means. It means very infrequent, obsessive thoughts. Okay.
Lora Cheadle [00:26:38]:
Let’s push that down. What does that exactly mean? Does that mean only 1 or 2 incidences a week? Does it mean 1 of 2 incidences a month? Does it mean maybe a couple times a year? What does that mean? Does it mean feeling good in your body? I know I am healed when I feel, like, openness breath in my body, when I have relaxed shoulders, when I’m not having a headache. What does healing from betrayal mean to you? Does it mean getting through the divorce and having everything separate? What does it mean? Does it mean your partner saying they’re sorry? Wait. Who’s in control of that one? Can you force that? Nope. Does it mean closure? What does closure mean? Who who else is involved in that? If it means the affair partner and your your partner doing something, then that’s not a goal. That’s not something you can control. So what does it mean for you? Letting it go even if there’s no closure. Letting it go even if there’s no apology.
Lora Cheadle [00:27:53]:
Moving into forgiveness, you can’t say I, my goal is forgiveness. The ultimate goal can be forgiveness. What are the steps that can get you there? Hiring a coach, seeing a counselor, reading books, doing more podcasts. Those are your goals. My goal is to read one personal development book a month. My goal is to read 5 pages a day. Those are goals in service of healing, in service of forgiving. So specific, measurable outcomes for those goals.
Lora Cheadle [00:28:34]:
What are the things you need to do in order to achieve recovery? Because those are your action steps. The example that I gave earlier was when I was saying my big intention versus my daily my or my big goal versus my daily intention. And how for me, if it’s getting close to the end of the day and my intention was physical wellness and health, then my brain is like, Hey, I can walk. I can run. I can do some yoga. I can walk the dog. I can do some sit ups. And my brain opens up into all of the different things that are possible for me.
Lora Cheadle [00:29:14]:
And it lights me up and it gets me excited. Most of the time. There also are times when that overwhelms me, when I’m too busy and I’m like, short circuit, short circuit. I can’t figure out what I wanna do. I don’t know what I wanna do. That’s when it’s really helpful to have a list of specific, measurable, actionable things that you can do. Do 50 jumping jacks. Walk the dog around the block.
Lora Cheadle [00:29:46]:
Turn on a song and dance. And, again, those are like fitness examples. But that way, when it’s coming to the end of the day, I have not followed up on my commitment. My resolutions are falling apart, and I’m getting overwhelmed, I can literally pull out my sheet of paper and be like, oh, here are some of the things that I can do. These are specific, measurable, actionable items that I can do. And I have those for my business things too because it’s easy to be like, oh, I can work I can write another blog post. I can work on my website. I can update my email sequence.
Lora Cheadle [00:30:23]:
I can post some things on social media. There’s, like, all of these things that I could do, but do those things move me towards my goal? If my goal is to serve more of you, how is that helping? Maybe writing another blog is helping because it’s putting more information out there that then more people can find and then they can connect with me. So that’s why sometimes it’s really important to have that list of things. What are the things that I can do to increase my reach? Write a blog is one of them. Is sending another email to my current list increasing my reach? Probably not. It’s sharing information with you, people who are already in my world. So if my goal is to have more contact and love on you more than that can be a good goal. So for yourself, we just talked about, what do you want to become? Who do you want to become? How do you want to feel? What is that overarching resolution or intention? Now what I want you to think about are what are some of the goals? What are some of those steps? What are some of those specific, measurable, actionable steps that you can do in service of those intentions? If it’s healing from betrayal, hire a coach, listen to a podcast, commit to a certain number of books, do some journaling.
Lora Cheadle [00:31:58]:
What can you do to make your body feel better? What can you do to make your heart feel better? What can you do to make your mind feel better? Write those down. So top of your page, you’ve got your resolutions. Underneath those, you have those goals that you can do in service of those resolutions. Because the goals break down the big picture into actionable steps that you can do every day, every week, however you want to break it down. Okay? So I’m gonna give you a moment to think about that. Breathe. And I want you to think about things like goal setting for personal growth, goal setting for business. They may sound like they’re vastly different things, but, really, it’s the same.
Lora Cheadle [00:33:02]:
Goal setting for personal growth, goal setting for business. How how is your level of commitment different in those? This is one of those things that my new book, it’s not burnout. It’s betrayal. Five tools to fuel up and thrive addresses. So many of us, we take our own goals, like goal setting for personal transformation, achieving results after infidelity, measurable outcomes and personal healing. And we don’t give them that same level of oomph. We don’t give them that same level of commitment than we would if it was, like, goal setting for business, achieving, you know, results in retirement. When it’s, like, somebody else focused, when it’s work focused, when it’s something else focused that is not just personal us, all too often, we take that more seriously.
Lora Cheadle [00:34:06]:
And at the end of the day, who who are you left with? Are you left with your job, or are you left with yourself? Are you left with serving random other people, or are you left with your friends and family? And are you left with your relationship and your integrity? So often we move that focus off of us and onto other people, and we’re like, well, I’ll do the business piece because it’s more important. I’ll do the kid piece because it’s more important. I’ll do all of these other things because it’s more important. What you’re really saying is because it’s more important than me. Woah. Think about that. Of all of the resolutions, of all of the goals, shouldn’t the most important one be the goal for you, for your own personal transformation, for your own personal growth? Because at the end of the day, you have you. You might or might not have the relationships you’ve cultivated.
Lora Cheadle [00:35:20]:
But the most important relationship, the only one that you’ll always have is the one with yourself. The only relationship you could ever guarantee is the one that you have with yourself. So if you’re not prioritizing that, why not? Why not? Because, really, that is self betrayal. That is self betrayal. That is abandoning us in service of doing something for everybody else. So as you are going through your resolutions, as you are going through those goals, it’s fine if you have a personal one and a professional one and a family one and all the different things. But please prioritize yourself first. I am not saying that you or me or any of us caused our partner’s affair because we never did.
Lora Cheadle [00:36:33]:
Unless we hold a gun to our partner’s head and said, you will go cheat right now, we did not cause the affair. So I wanna get that straight right off the bat. But what I am going to say is our level of respect, our level of showing up for ourselves, that matters. That matters. How can you respect yourself and your personal transformation and your personal growth and your peace of mind and your enjoyment of this life and your flow and your energy? How can you respect that more? How can you show up for that the most? That’s what I’m talking about. Stop abandoning yourself. Stop betraying yourself. Stop putting everybody else first and start prioritizing you.
Lora Cheadle [00:37:37]:
Because I said this at the very beginning of the show, who can you change? You can only change yourself. I know. Darn it. You can only change yourself. So when you really, really focus on yourself and changing your reactions and your responses and the way that you think and the way that you show up and the way that you live. I, I am so focused on respect to this year, personal respect. Respect for my body. Why would I trash my body with bad food? Why would I trash my body sitting all day and not having good exercise? Why would I trash my mind watching bad TV or things that are a negative influence? Why would I not respect my home more by organizing it and cleaning it more? Why would I not respect my business more by organizing and getting help and using using tools and hiring people to support me? Why would I disrespect myself by not taking care of myself? And that’s really, really my big focus this year is that whole respect for self, respect for environment, respect for my friends and family, respect for relationships, business, just a higher level of respect in everything that I do.
Lora Cheadle [00:39:16]:
Because I can’t change anybody else, but I can have a higher level of respect for me. And I can choose to keep myself peaceful and calm and happy, and I can choose to keep myself organized and managed and well fed. I can keep myself energized. If I’m tired, it’s nobody’s fault except my own. I don’t have little kids at home. I need to parent myself better. So thinking about resolutions, thinking about goals, thinking about yourself, thinking about that concept of self betrayal, how can you show up for yourself at a higher level next year? How can you love yourself more, respect yourself more, show up for yourself more, regardless of what anybody does or doesn’t do. And I know it’s hard, but just think about that.
Lora Cheadle [00:40:17]:
Because my goal for you, what I want for you is to really embrace your agency and to take charge of the journey that is your life. Because far too many of us I’m like, so on my soapbox on this one. Far too many of us really give that power to our partners, our kids, our career. We abdicate power. Well, he didn’t let me do this. Well, they didn’t let me do this. Well, I couldn’t do this. Holy heck.
Lora Cheadle [00:40:55]:
How can you reclaim your agency? How can you take better care of yourself? I know it’s scary. I know people might not like you. I know the fear of not being nice. I know that, oh my gosh. Don’t be difficult. Ugh. I know. I feel that.
Lora Cheadle [00:41:14]:
I hear that. I wanna be nice. I want people to like me. I don’t wanna be difficult, but who is suffering? Me. And here’s what I’m gonna tell you because I’ve been on this journey for a long time and I’m a lot better, but I’m not perfect because we live in a patriarchal world, and it’s really hard to undo many years of conditioning. When people don’t like me, I really don’t care. And, honestly, the people who have not liked me, they probably don’t need to be in my life anyway. And most people have actually liked me more.
Lora Cheadle [00:41:49]:
And when I’m being difficult, it’s not my problem. I am not difficult. Somebody else is just insecure. Reframe that one right away. You are not difficult. The other person is just insecure. You’re not too much. The other person is just intimidated.
Lora Cheadle [00:42:06]:
Whatever you are being accused of being, it’s not about you. It’s what the other person can’t rise and meet. And that is a huge gold nugget right there. That is a huge gold nugget right there. So reclaim your power. Reclaim your agency, and take charge of the rest of your journey. Okay. This has been a lot and a lot of a in in in a lot of really good stuff, a lot of good ways.
Lora Cheadle [00:42:47]:
And the reason again that I’m doing this show now and I’m doing the vision board workshop at the end of January is because it takes time. This pre work is the most important work you will do. I don’t think there’s many of us who spend the time to really sit down and ponder how it is that we’re showing up and then ponder how we would like to show up and then break down what are the things that we need to do differently in order to get there. But that’s where the magic happens. People are always telling me, oh my gosh, you’re such an amazing manifester. Yes. And it’s because I do things like this. And then people are saying you’re achieving all of this stuff.
Lora Cheadle [00:43:34]:
You’re amazing. You know, I I wish I had the energy that you have. How do you do it all? By breaking it down and not doing the stuff that I don’t need to do. So I’m gonna walk you through kind of a little bit of a meditation. So circle your shoulders. Get comfortable. If you’re walking, you can keep walking. That’s fine.
Lora Cheadle [00:43:59]:
Just breathe. Let your breath drop in. And I want you to think about the phrase, how you spend your days is how you spend your life, How you spend your days is how you spend your life. How are you spending your days? How are you feeling every day? Not necessarily what are you doing. You’re getting up. You’re making breakfast. You’re driving to work. You’re taking care of kids.
Lora Cheadle [00:44:39]:
You’re cleaning. Not necessarily the what, but how do you spend your days feeling inside your body? Do you have peace? Do you feel joy? Do you have enthusiasm for what’s happening? If you’re in the middle of a divorce, if this is a new infidelity discovery, that’s a little bit different. Yes. Overall, how have you spent your days in a state of flow, in a state of play, in a state of angst, in a state of stress, in a state of victimhood, in a state of service to others? Those are your days. Those days will become your life. How do you want your life to feel? You’re laying on your deathbed family around you, friends around you. You are comfortable. You’re peaceful.
Lora Cheadle [00:45:58]:
You know, it’s the end and you’re having some time to process and to look back through the chapters, the pages, the events of your life, the good and the bad. How did you feel in your life? How did you spend your life? It was fun. It was a good life. I had a lot of pleasure. I had a lot of laughs or I was angry all the time. I was always searching for something more. I was frustrated. I was shut down.
Lora Cheadle [00:46:46]:
I was inhibited. What were you? Now is the time to decide how you want to spend your life, how you want to spend your days, how you want to feel and be and who you want to become. Anchor in that feeling that this was a good life. This was a really good life. Anchor that in 3. Now, what do you need to do to get there? What are those small specific goals? I need to be free. I need to walk. I need to eat better.
Lora Cheadle [00:47:41]:
I need, I need a new partner. I need to learn how to communicate better. What are those things that you need to do to become and transform and take agency over the rest of your life and fully take charge of this journey. Jot down some notes. Think about it. It’s okay if you go into a little bit of sadness, like, oh my gosh. None of this was what I wanted. I’ve had those moments too where you look back and you’re like, what did I do? How did I mess that up so bad? Why didn’t I know? Let that grief move through you.
Lora Cheadle [00:48:42]:
Go cry if you need to cry. Go yell. Go punch a pillow. Go run up a mountain. Feel the grief, feel the regret. Regret is not fun, but feel it and let it flow out of you. Because the biggest regret would be having these moments of awareness, having these moments of clarity right here right now and not doing anything about it. That’s what you would regret.
Lora Cheadle [00:49:14]:
When you didn’t know better, you didn’t know better. There is no shame there. You didn’t know better. Now you do. Now you know who you wanna be and how you wanna feel and what your life should be like in a way that would service you and make you happy. Now you know the steps, those specific goals to get you there. Now is your chance to implement. Now is your chance to implement.
Lora Cheadle [00:49:47]:
One of the reasons that coaching is so powerful. One of the reasons that I went into coaching is because it’s a very powerful form of accountability As your coach, I will call you out on your stuff in a loving and kind way. I will ask you questions that will help you get to the bottom of how you want to feel and who you want to be and what transformation means to you. I will push you on what does it mean to recover and how will you know when you’re recovered? I will be there every single day in your ear, in your inbox, helping you achieve what you want to achieve. So you can become who you want to become. So you can have that life. That at the end of the day, you will look back on with pleasure, with satisfaction. So you can legitimately say and feel it was a really, really good life.
Lora Cheadle [00:50:52]:
Of course, there were ups and downs. Of course, there were highs and lows, but it was a really good life. And I honored myself and I respected myself and I showed up for myself even when I didn’t want to, because I am the most important. I am the only one who can show up for me. And that’s really a big part of the magic of why I do what I do and why I believe coaching is the number one most powerful way to change and transform and to become somebody completely different than somebody more authentic and in touch and fully self expressed because of that honesty, because of that raw honesty and accountability. Anytime you wanna work with me, please reach out. We can have a free 30 minute conversation, see if we’re a good fit. If not, I will absolutely line you up with somebody who is a better fit.
Lora Cheadle [00:52:00]:
It’s not about me necessarily. It’s about you and finding the best fit for you and finding the person that you can listen to and that you can trust and who’s been where you have been and who is right now where you want to be as well. That’s what matters. So when the time comes that you’re interested in that, and I am gonna say when, because it’s not an if, it’s a when. When you’re ready, you’ll know. You’ll know you’re tired of tolerating. You’re tired of making the same new year’s resolution year after year after year after year after year. You’re tired of being in the same relationship year after year.
Lora Cheadle [00:52:40]:
You’re tired of having the same fight time after time. When you’re ready, you’ll know. People come to me sometimes years later. I’ve been listening to you for years. I took a break. I knew it was time. I’m back. When you’re ready, reach out.
Lora Cheadle [00:52:58]:
I will be here because this is my resolution. This is my commitment, not only to you, but to me too. Working with you reminds me about the work that I need to do for myself as well. It shows me where I have gotten off track. We build each other up. That’s why at the end of all of my emails, I say together we rise because we do. And it’s not only about the infidelity. It’s about so much more than that.
Lora Cheadle [00:53:33]:
It’s about fairness. It’s about bias. It’s about sexism, racism. It’s about all of those things that can bring us down. It’s about joining together, calling out each other, calling out ourselves, becoming better, respecting ourselves more, stepping fully into our agency, owning our sovereignty and taking control of the narratives and our lives truly forevermore. Not only for us, but for our ancestors, for our kids, for our grandkids, because it matters Being fully in your power matters. Okay. Before we sign off, I just wanna remind you.
Lora Cheadle [00:54:24]:
My new book, it’s not burned out. It’s betrayal. Five tools to fuel up and thrive is coming. January 21st for the ebook. You can preorder that now. And if you wanna be one of my prereaders, you can order the paperback on January 11th and then post an am an Amazon review. Anybody who posts an Amazon review on either of my books gets free access to my vision board workshop in January and gets the moon and astrology downloadable planner. To sign up to make sure you’re on the list, go to burnoutorbetrayal.com.burnoutorbetrayal.com so you can get all of your goodies.
Lora Cheadle [00:55:09]:
So I’m going to officially do the closeout for the podcast, and then I’m gonna spend a few more minutes for those of you on Zoom walking you through another couple of things. So podcasters, remember please to subscribe, to like, to share so other women can get this knowledge. And if you wanna know what I’m going to say, hop on my YouTube channel, and you can watch the rest of this show there. So as usual, have an amazing week and always remember to flaunt exactly who you are because who you are is always more than enough.
Lora Cheadle [00:55:51]:
Tune in next time to flaunt, find your sparkle and create a life you love after infidelity or betrayal with Laura Cheadle every Wednesday at 7 AM and 7 PM Eastern Standard Time on syndicated DreamVision 7 Radio Network. Uncover the truth of what’s possible for you on the other side of betrayal and develop the skills and strategies necessary to embrace the future and flourish today. Download your free betrayal recovery toolkit at betrayalrecoveryguide.com.