Free Workshop & Webinar!

Betrayal hurts. But you don’t have to stay in pain. Somatic processing is using the body to process emotions. Whether you are aware of it or not, the body sends and receives energy. Like a wire, when too much energy builds up, it either needs to discharge (in the form of an emotional outburst) or it short circuits and blows out the system (in the form of disease or pain) Somatic processing is a tool you can use to dissipate that build up in energy and emotion healthfully so you don’t do something you regret and hurt other people, or internalize you pain and hurt yourself.

Top Take-a-Ways:

• What is Somatic Processing and how it helps alleviate uncomfortable sensations in the body, both old and new.
• How to tune into the wisdom of your body and feel better fast, no matter what you are going through.
• Exercises and processes you can use now, and every day going forward, to keep yourself more balanced, healthy, and free.

About Lora:

Attorney, speaker and Burnout & Betrayal Recovery Coach, Lora Cheadle believes that betrayal uncovers the truth of what’s possible when we stop focusing on what was done to us and start showing up unapologetically for ourselves. She helps women rebuild their identity and self-worth after infidelity so they can reclaim (or find for the very first time) their confidence, clarity, and connection to source and create their own kind of happily ever after.

Get Relief Now!

Download your Sparkle After Betrayal Recovery Guide at www.BetrayalRecoveryGuide.com and start reclaiming yourself and your life today!

Learn More & Apply Here! www.AffairRecoveryForWomen.com

Untangle yourself from the past, reclaim your power, and own your worth so you can create a future you love on your own terms. All with a wink and a smile!

Learn more at www.loracheadle.com and follow me across all social!

Transcript

Narrator [00:00:01]:
You’re listening to FLAUNT!, find your sparkle and create a life you love after infidelity or betrayal. A podcast for women who’ve been betrayed by their intimate partner and want to turn their devastation into an invitation to reclaim themselves and their worth. Tune in weekly so you can start making sense of it all and learn how to be okay on the inside no matter what goes on on the outside. Download your free betrayal recovery toolkit at betrayalrecoveryguide.com.

Lora Cheadle [00:00:36]:
Hello and welcome to FLAUNT!. Find your sparkle and create a life you love after infidelity or betrayal. I’m Lora Cheadle, and today we are going to take a really fun deep dive into somatic processing. In fact, not only are we going to take a really fun deep dive into it, this is basically going to be an entire workshop for you so you can experience the power of somatic processing. Now you might be thinking, what the heck is somatic processing? What do you know about somatic processing? What do I need to know about somatic processing? Why am I here and why should I keep listening? So let me answer all of those questions for you. As you know, because you are here, I’m Lora Cheadle. I am an infidelity and betrayal recovery coach for women. I am an attorney, so I can give you all the great legal scoop on things.

Lora Cheadle [00:01:36]:
And I am a somatic attachment therapist. Now what that means? What does that mean? Somatics basically means body. It just means your body, and it’s using movement. Now same thing in case you’re thinking, okay, why do I care about movement? Emotions get stuck in the body. Emotions get stuck in our physical body, in our energetic body. An example of that is have you ever felt nauseous when you hear bad news? Or have you ever felt like your throat was closing up? Or have you ever walked into a room and been like, oh, this hurts or yay, this feels so good. We carry emotion in our body. Emotion is just energy.

Lora Cheadle [00:02:30]:
And that energy has the power to make us feel really good or make us feel really bad. And if you don’t process that emotion by moving it through your body, a lot of different bad things can happen. First of all, it can create illness. It can create injury. It can create pain and discomfort. I mean, who wants to really live feeling like, oh, they’re crumpled down and they’re heavy and they’re exhausted and they’re filled with pain? Most of us would rather live being like, oh, I feel good. I feel fluid. I feel flexible.

Lora Cheadle [00:03:10]:
I’m just comfortable in my own body. And I wanna be clear. If you have been walking and you tripped on a curb and you have a sprained ankle, yes, there’s a physical cause for that injury. You tripped, you sprained your ankle. You run into the side of the door and you hurt your shoulder. Of course, there’s a physical cause for that. What I’m talking about when I’m talking about somatic processing is that sensation. Like that sensation of heart break, of nausea, of throat closing, of your eyeballs wanting to pop out of your head, that pressure at the back of your skull.

Lora Cheadle [00:03:49]:
And I’m sure you know the difference, but I just wanted to be clear in explaining that, what I really was talking about because I wouldn’t want anybody to be think to be thinking, you know, elsewise. Yes. There’s physical causes for injury, for bad sensations in their body, but emotions, trauma also leave an impact. And you know what? That’s what actually makes it even harder sometimes to figure out how to manage is because when we trip or we run-in the to the door frame, we can see, we know, oh, there’s a physical breaking here. There’s a physical bruise here. And then we can show other people too. We’re like, oh my gosh. Look at how black and blue my ankle is.

Lora Cheadle [00:04:34]:
And people are like, I see that. I see that. But when you have a heartbreak and your whole heart hurts, and your whole chest hurts, and your whole being hurts, and the back of your shoulders is stressful, Other people can’t look at that. Other people can’t look at you and be like, oh, I see that you’re heartbroken. I see that. Nobody can see that, and that makes it really hard. It makes it really hard because then sometimes we don’t feel validated in our pain. We don’t feel like we have any right to be sick or sad or hurt because our wounds aren’t visible.

Lora Cheadle [00:05:19]:
So that’s the power of somatics. It allows you to connect with your physical being, both your body and the physicality of your emotions and your emotional body. And by the end of today’s workshop, by the end of today’s podcast, you will have tools and strategies and skills that you can use to flow those emotions through you. So you’re not sitting there feeling like there is an elephant sitting on your chest. You’re not sitting there with stress and pain and a headache. So you’re able to drop into your breath, breathe freely, and move comfortably. Does that sound good? Yes. I think it sounds really, really good.

Lora Cheadle [00:06:08]:
We were already talking a little bit about the body, but what I want you to know is all bodies, whether you know it or not, are both senders and receivers of energy. The way we feel transmits a signal to other people. The way other people feel transmits a signal to us. And you’ve probably had that experience where you’re just not comfortable with somebody and you don’t know why. It’s because your physical body is feeling their transmission. And in a relationship situation, it’s really hard because when we’re close to somebody like our spouse, we attune to them. Just like we attune to our kids. If our something’s going on with our kids, we feel it and we know it, and we tend to meet other people where they’re at.

Lora Cheadle [00:07:02]:
So when you’re doing a fair recovery, it can sometimes be hard to maintain yourself when your spouse is in a dark place. And there’s a fine line between receiving that and acknowledging that and having compassion and understanding that your spouse is in a dark place and allowing yourself to be brought to that dark space as well. And on the flip side, if you’re struggling, if today is one of your struggling days and your partner isn’t, it’s important for them to mirror reflect back some of that so they can attune to you. But your job is not to bring them down. Your job is not to bring everybody in the household down to your level anymore than it’s their job to bring everybody in the household down to their level. We are each responsible for maintaining our own sense of self. So that’s hard. That’s one of the things that I work on when I coach clients.

Lora Cheadle [00:08:04]:
And, yeah, it takes a while. It takes, like, 6 months. That’s why my coaching package is 6 months because it takes time to practice doing that. And when you don’t, when you’re not capable of doing that, here’s what tends to happen. Too much emotion comes out. You’re like this live wire and you end up vomiting your emotion on other people. You yell. You are pouty and inappropriate.

Lora Cheadle [00:08:31]:
And you spew your emotions onto somebody else in this weird hope that, like, hey, maybe they’ll process their they’ll process my emotions for me because it’s too much and I can’t handle it. Or somebody else will do that to you. They will vomit their anger, negativity, fear, shame, whatever onto you And it’s like they’re subconsciously saying, you manage it. You manage it. I can’t. I can’t. You manage it. And that’s not healthy.

Lora Cheadle [00:08:59]:
And a lot of you that I speak with, a lot of you that I work with, that’s what has happened in your relationships for a long time. Your partner has felt whatever it is, afraid, scared, sad, and they come home and they pick fights with you. And then they have this justification for cheating, and you’re like, what just happened? That’s what happens when we don’t somatically process our emotions. We externally project those emotions onto other people. Or on the flip side, we internalize those emotions and we hurt ourselves. We get into that headspace of I’m worthless. I have nothing to offer. I’m fat.

Lora Cheadle [00:09:45]:
I’m ugly. I’m stupid. I’m dumb. I’m a bad person. And we start internalizing and we just suck down into our own depression. Somatic processing is about not sucking down and internalizing, and it’s also not about externalizing. It’s about processing them and flowing them so those emotions don’t hurt anyone. So those emotions are felt fully and so they are released in a constructive and a healthy way.

Lora Cheadle [00:10:18]:
Now what I want you to know is humans know how to do this innately. Humans know how to process their emotions innately. Who here has seen a toddler throw a tantrum? What does that toddler tantrum look like? What does it sound like? How do you think the toddler feels after their tantrum? Yeah. They’re processing that intense emotion. And in a healthy society, we would continue to constructively coach the child on how to process it in a way that allows it to come out instead of telling them to shut up, be quiet, sit down. We would help them learn how to process it. Now have you ever seen people kinda have their hands by their face and do this little shaky thing? Particularly people who are like on the autism spectrum, you’ll see do this little handshake, this little hand flap. Hap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap up by their face.

Lora Cheadle [00:11:23]:
Yeah. That’s another way to reregulate the nervous system to let emotions flow and come out. And oftentimes why you see people especially like on the autism spectrum doing that is because the part of their brain that cares about socially appropriate isn’t as activated as it is for us. So when we do that, when they do that, it’s processing emotions somatically, and it’s the correct thing to do. Again, it’s just been trained out of us. Don’t do that. Get your hands down. Quit quit bouncing your leg.

Lora Cheadle [00:11:56]:
Quit tapping your pen. Quit doing that. Sit down. Don’t move. When in reality, those little ticks, those little bounces, those little movements are really, really hopeful. Another example of how we know how to somatically process, it just gets trained out of us, is who here has ever seen, like, a cute puppy or a cute baby and has gone, oh, and put their hands on their chest. Oh, that’s so sweet. That is a somatic processing right there.

Lora Cheadle [00:12:33]:
We are touching our heart. We are emitting the vibration of sound. We are somatically processing our feeling of cuteness. Who here has also ever put their hands on their forehead, like the heel of their hands on their forehead and gone, I am so stupid. I can’t believe I do that. Like tap their forehead and be like, why can’t I figure this out? That too is somatic processing because we are tapping the brain. We are tapping the 3rd eye. We are tapping the head, and we are expressing, what’s wrong with me? Why can’t I think about this? And we’re trying to stimulate and shake out those thoughts by tapping the brain.

Lora Cheadle [00:13:16]:
Those are all healthy ways that we somatically process. They’re examples of how we have instinctively known how to use our body, how to touch our body, how to flow and process emotions, whether frustration like, why can’t I think that? Or, oh, that is so cute. We know how to process trauma. We know how to process all of those big emotions. But a lot of those big emotions take big motions and that’s been trained out of us because we’ve been trained to sit down and be still. Especially just like, you know, being in the school system, we’re taught to sit down. So we create ourselves as floating heads. Our culture values knowledge over physicality.

Lora Cheadle [00:14:04]:
Our vol our culture values knowledge over emotions, over sensitivity. So we have been really learned and trained to cut ourselves off at the neck and to think things through. To figure it out and not to feel it and to process it. And as a result, we’re just hurting ourselves and we wonder why I’m so anxious. Why can’t I get over this? Well, maybe you can’t get over it because you’re not processing it on a somatic level. Why don’t I feel emotionally connected? Well, maybe because you’re cut off and you’re not processing it on a somatic level. So with that, my goal for you today is for you to start becoming aware of the things that you innately do to process emotions so you can lean into it, so you can do more of that. And then also to give you some new tools that you can use to identify and process emotions that come up for you, whether it’s fear of money, whether it’s not being able to move on, whether it’s processing the trauma of infidelity, whatever it is, I will give you some tools that you can use to process them so you don’t stay stuck, so you don’t stay congested or feeling like you are in pain.

Lora Cheadle [00:15:25]:
Alright. Does that sound good? I think that sounds good. We’re gonna start with a very gentle grounding and movement exercise. So if you’re gonna do some movement, begin by being aware of what’s around you so you don’t suddenly, like, reach your arm up and knock over a lamp. And if you’re driving or walking or running or whatever, you can still listen to this. You can just do this moving, but just remain conscious and aware of where you are at. Okay. Begin by grounding.

Lora Cheadle [00:16:04]:
If you are in a safe space and want to close your eyes or cast your gaze down, you can. And if not, you absolutely do not have to. I just want you to take a few breaths and start noticing the way your body moves as you breathe. And unlike traditional forms of meditation, this is not about being still. This is about moving as you breathe. It’s about moving into relaxation. So often we talk about moving forward, but we don’t move. We talk about moving into relaxation or moving into peace, but we’re not moving.

Lora Cheadle [00:16:49]:
And if you wanna move somewhere, you have to move. Start making your awareness move throughout your body starting from your head to your shoulders, chest, back, hips, arms, legs, and feet. And I want you to feel the weight of your feet, whether both feet are on the floor or whether you’re moving and you’re feeling the weight one foot at a time. Become aware of your feet and the connection that they are making to the earth. And if you can kind of scuff your foot back and forth a little bit so you can really, really feel it. And as you do, imagine, visualize, or even pretend that you feel roots growing out of your toes. The arches, the heels, the balls of your feet, and those roots are reaching down into the earth, anchoring you securely and comfortably into the ground, into the earth, into the planet. And as you breathe and continue to move your body gently, I want you to cast your fingers and your arms down and feel those roots drop from your fingers into the earth and feel the roots from your elbows and your shoulders and the base of the tailbone.

Lora Cheadle [00:18:49]:
Even feel like your hair is growing down and connecting you securely and safely to the earth. And as you’re doing this, notice if you want to touch your body in any way, You might wanna put your hands up in your hair and gently massage your scalp or pull your hair a little bit. You might wanna rub the insides of your arms with gentle tickles. You might wanna rub your legs or your belly or your waist. You might wanna even rub right up the center of the chest and around the throat and the back of the neck. Just drop into that body, becoming aware of the different points in your body as you do. And if you start feeling anxiety, like I’m doing it wrong, am I doing it wrong? Please know that there is no wrong because we all store things in our body at different places and at different times. There’s no kind of touch that’s better or worse.

Lora Cheadle [00:20:07]:
There’s no kind of movement that won’t work. It’s finding your flow, finding your movement for you. Find your gut. You might want to circle your hips or distend and then compress your belly, But breathe and just make a connection with your gut. And then move your hand up to your heart, and you might want to do rib circles or just expansion. Notice what kind of movement feels good when you touch and think about your heart. And then your throat, whether you’re moving your shoulders or gently raising your head, just notice what kind of movement feels good in the throat. And lastly, moving your attention back to your feet, to those roots from your tailbone, your fingers, your feet, and staying connected to your body, come back to me.

Lora Cheadle [00:21:17]:
Whether that’s opening your eyes or focusing on me again, stay connected to your body. And I want you to think about you can write this down if you want to write it down. You can draw like an outline of a body, and you can mark where you feel stuff in your body. Or you can just think it through like, wow, the back of my neck was really tense. Or you can draw like it feels like there’s compression around my head. And if you’re really creative, you could even get colored pencils and shade it in. Like it feels green ickiness around my knees and it feels, you know, black spots are in my head and, oh my gosh. I I feel like sutures are closing my heart shut.

Lora Cheadle [00:22:13]:
I want you to just take a few moments, and I want you to try to identify and label what you might feel in your body. And it can be positive or negative too. You might be like, I feel expansion. I feel freedom. But, oh, I can’t quite open my heart. So just notice what it is that you feel right now. And after you do that, I want you to very gently think about from your head, think about a situation that is stressing you out or causing you pain. Fear about money.

Lora Cheadle [00:23:00]:
Fear that he’s gonna cheat again. Fear of breaking up your family. Fear of whatever it is. Fear that you’re gonna make the wrong decision. Think about that in your head. Identify the situation that is really causing you the most angst right now. And now gently notice your body again. When you have that thought, where does it trigger in your body? If I think about a situation, does it constrict my throat? If I think about money fears, does it make my hands ache? If I think about breaking up my family, does the back of my neck feel like or the back of my head feel like it’s gonna explode? When you have that thought, where do you feel it in your body? And go ahead and draw that or mark that down.

Lora Cheadle [00:24:03]:
And as you’re thinking about it, I don’t want to move you into, like, a full place of trauma. I just want you to gently think about where it is that you feel that so you can identify it. Okay. I’m giving you some time to kind of process that. Because I want you to have a very clear understanding of money stress creates a headache. Breaking up my family creates, like, stress in my forehead. Thinking about infidelity hurts my heart. Trying to figure out the next step shuts my throat down.

Lora Cheadle [00:24:45]:
So you’ve got a very clear identity or idea of what it is that’s your problem and where it is causing the pain. Alright. Now before we move into the tools and skills to address the situation that you brought up, I’m gonna ask you a question. What are the 2 things that you need to know in order to use a GPS? 2 things. Yes. You need to know your destination, where you’re going, and you also need to know your location, where you’re at. If you don’t know where you’re at, it makes it really hard to get to the destination because the directions are meaningless. And if you know where you’re at but you don’t know where you’re going, it’s also totally meaningless.

Lora Cheadle [00:25:33]:
You need to know those two things. So that’s what we’re going to work on now. Because oftentimes, we get so focused on the destination that we forget to accept where we’re at right now. We forget to identify this is where I am at. And then we get all frustrated, like, I can’t get there. It’s not working. This program doesn’t work. These people don’t work.

Lora Cheadle [00:25:58]:
I am a total loser. And we create more stress and more trauma for ourselves. So that’s what we’re gonna do right now. We’re going to figure out both our desired destination and our location. So when we somatically process, we know where we’re at and where we are moving to. Okay. So thinking about that situation that you brought up, I want you to identify you kind of did this, identify what it is you’re feeling and where. And try to be as specific as you can in identifying what it is.

Lora Cheadle [00:26:35]:
What color is it? What quality does it have? How does it vibrate? How does it smell? How does it taste? I want you to feel all of that. And then I want you to figure out how does that sensation move. If you were a cartoon character, how would you embody that sensation? If it’s shut down, if it’s anxiety, if it’s grief, if it’s heartbreak, if you had to embody heartbreak, how would you do that? And we’re gonna play a little bit of a game around that. On the count of 3, I’m going to have you embody it and hold that embodiment. No rights, no wrong. I just want you to embody heartbreak, grief, pain, whatever it is. And yes, whether yeah, hopefully you’re alone. If not, you can you can make this a little bit smaller.

Lora Cheadle [00:27:47]:
But embody it and make it as big as you can. Be as bold as you can. So on the count of 3, how would you embody that negative emotion? And just like we talked about earlier when you go, ah, and put your hands on your heart, it could be something small like that, or when you put your hands on your forehead and go, I am so frustrated. It can be something small like that, but it can also be big and goofy. So that negative emotion, that stuck feeling, what is it? On the count of 3, you’re gonna embody it. 123. Hold it. Hold it.

Lora Cheadle [00:28:29]:
Notice what’s going on in the embodiment of that emotion. If you’re closed, if you’re shut down, if you’re collapsed, notice the quality of that embodiment. This is your location. This is where you’re at now, so notice. And you can move it a little bit Or whatever it is. Notice what it is. Alright. Shake that off.

Lora Cheadle [00:29:02]:
We got the first piece done, where you’re at. Now the second piece is where you wanna be. So what is the opposite of that? What is the opposite of heartbreak? Is it in love? Is it joyful? Is it peace? It’s gonna be different for all of us. What is the opposite of shut down? If you feel dismissed, if you feel shut down, what is the opposite of that? Is the opposite heard or set free? What is the opposite of broken? If you’re like, I just feel broken, and this is how I am body broken. What is the opposite of that? Whole, healed? Where is it that you want to be with regards to this situation? If the situation is money stress, do you wanna fill money power? Where do you want to be in that situation? And I want you to write that down, and we’re gonna do that same game. On the count of 3, I’m gonna have you embody what that feels like, what that looks like, what it feels like to be free, what it feels like to be running down the mountain in the Alps twirling. What it feels like to be powerful. What it feels like to be heard or cherished or adored or loved.

Lora Cheadle [00:30:32]:
What does it feel like for you, and how can you embody it? So ready? On the count of 3, same thing. Hold it. 1, 2, 3. Hold that. Breathe. Feel that. Feel your body. Amazing.

Lora Cheadle [00:30:57]:
Now relax. Now you’ll have your destination. So now what we’re going to do is we are going to take this journey because we know where we are at with things stuck. We know where we want to be. And I also wanna say this. If you’re like, I’m not exactly sure where I want to be, that’s okay too. Just pick something that’s better. It might be too big of a stretch to be like free and cherished and in love.

Lora Cheadle [00:31:29]:
So pick something that’s smaller and move into something smaller. That is okay too. Now before we begin this movement, I got a couple questions. Do you ever get self conscious around moving around other people? Mhmm. It’s a pretty common experience. So I’m gonna start by giving you some ideas for movements. The point is not to get locked in to mimicking movements, but I know how it feels for somebody to be like, sing a song, and you’re like, I don’t know what song to sing. Or for somebody to be like, go dance, and you’re like, I don’t know where to start.

Lora Cheadle [00:32:10]:
I don’t know how to move. And I wanna make you feel safe, and I wanna break down some of those fears, some of those insecurities by giving you some movements. And in exploring movements, I want you to think to indigenous cultures. To the videos, the TV things, the series that you have seen of indigenous cultures dancing. There’s the rain dance, the marriage dance, the, you know, ceremonial war dance, there’s the stomping, there’s the reaching. They’re moving. Is it like a choreographed dance? No. They’re moving.

Lora Cheadle [00:32:47]:
Dancing, movement, it’s all the same. So don’t get stuck in, like, I don’t dance. I don’t move. Yes. You do. You’re a human. You have a body. You are moving.

Lora Cheadle [00:32:58]:
Okay. Shake. I want you to shake. Shake is one way that we can move. You can shake your shoulders, you can shake your hands, you can shake your ankle, you can shake your foot, just shake. Perfect. Circles. You can make circles with your head, your ribs, your hips, your wrist, pretty much every joint, your ankle, you can circle.

Lora Cheadle [00:33:24]:
Bounces. Bounces go straight up and down. Think about bouncing a baby. Bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce. Bouncing is great. It gets the lymphs lymph nodes going. Bouncing is great. You can stretch.

Lora Cheadle [00:33:38]:
Think about animals every morning. Oh, dogs get up and stretch. Cats get up and stretch. Humans, we stumble to our phone and we don’t stretch. Oh, stretch your back. Stretch your neck. Stretch your hips. Stretch your legs.

Lora Cheadle [00:33:55]:
Stretching is a form of movement. Another form of movement is a sweep. Whoosh. You can sweep your arms around above your head like you’re batting away cobwebs. You can sweep things away like you’re brushing something off your legs or your hips. Sweeping is a clearing motion. You can brush off your shoulders, your chest, your back. Speaking of, like, sweeping, you can also bat things away like a ping pong ball is coming out.

Lora Cheadle [00:34:24]:
You and you don’t have a paddle, you could be like, nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. You can deflect and bat things away. You can also do reaches. You can reach, grab, and pull it into your chest.

Lora Cheadle [00:34:36]:
You can reach, grab it, and pull it into your head. You can reach, grab it, pull it in like if you were reaching out and grabbing somebody to snuggle them. Reaching is a form of movement. One of my favorites is also tapping. Like, if you had a bottle of ketchup and you turn it upside down and it was stuck, you’d go tap, tap, tap, tap, tap to release. You can tap to release your heartbreak. You can tap to release your confusion. You can tap to release your stress.

Lora Cheadle [00:35:07]:
Tapping is huge. Now what else can you think of? There are so many other forms of motion. Stomping, scraping. Think about all of the things that you can do. And don’t get stuck in whether it’s right or wrong because this is you. This is your emotion. Okay. So what I’m gonna do now is I’m actually gonna turn on some music.

Lora Cheadle [00:35:38]:
And if you are able to stand up and move, I want you to stand up and move. If you’re not able to stand up and move, that’s okay. You can move in your head. You can imagine, visualize, or pretend that you’re dancing. You can do that mental rehearsal, or you can just listen to my voice because I’m gonna give you prompts throughout this whole experience. And you can just listen and you can process things. And this is something I want you to come back to. You can come back to this any time.

Lora Cheadle [00:36:12]:
Because like I said, today I had you think about one thing. It’s my guess that there’s more than one thing that is weighing on your mind. It’s my guess that there is more than one emotion you need to process. And the point of learning somatic processing is to have a tool that you can use in the future that helps you process whatever it is that is coming up. So now that I have got my music ready, just listen. Just follow along. Again, there is no right. There is no wrong.

Lora Cheadle [00:36:50]:
All right. As we do this, I want you to not think. I want you to just be in your body and feel the music. Whether it’s rocking, tapping, circling. Even if you’re not, like, feeling the love of the music, because it’s always hard to find, like, music that resonates with everybody. I just want you to move. Just connect to that movement, to that music, to that beat in some way. Now be where you’re at.

Lora Cheadle [00:37:32]:
If you feel a little awkward, feel a little awkward. It’s all fine. Just be there. Breathe. Find the rhythm. Awesome. Now we’re gonna start going into whatever it is that is stuck. Whatever it is that is heavy.

Lora Cheadle [00:37:58]:
We’re gonna start going into that thing that you want to process somatically. So just like we did earlier, when I was like, embody stuckness, embody fear. I want you to move as you would move if you were fear. Maybe it’s stomp. Maybe it’s angry. Maybe it’s resentment. How would resentment move? You might have your muscles clenched. You might be heading things away.

Lora Cheadle [00:38:29]:
You might be pulling things in. You might be cowering down or collapsing. You might have slower movements. It doesn’t matter. Just move how that negative emotion would move and embody it and honor it. Most importantly, honor it. This is how it feels to be angry, ticked off, frustrated, broken, embrace. Your head might be hanging.

Lora Cheadle [00:39:06]:
I don’t know. You do you. Feel it. Feel it. If you feel like making noise, do it. If you feel like yelling, do it. Just fully embody it. Now, ask yourself, what are these sensations trying to tell me? What are they trying to tone me? Is there anything I can do to listen more fully? Is there anything I can do to honor them more? And as you listen, I want you to start visualizing off in the distance your desired destination.

Lora Cheadle [00:40:07]:
Free breath. Free peace. Free movement. And, start shaking off a little bit of these uncomfortable emotions. Oh. Shake it. Drop it down. Sometimes it’s easy to let go of.

Lora Cheadle [00:40:28]:
Sometimes you have to brush, sweep, tap it off. Sometimes you have to pull it out of your body. And wherever you’re at, it’s not like you have to be perfect, but start dancing towards your desired place. So, if you’re desiring freedom, you might have more flowy movement movements. It might not be perfect, but you just are doing more. More movement, more openness. Extend your spine longer. And explore what it feels like to flirt with it.

Lora Cheadle [00:41:14]:
To tease. Get big and strong, and then relax if you need to. Bring in more flow. Change the quality of the motion. Circle, sweep, flow. Extend to reach those arms up and again, touch your own body. Feel those arms. Touch your chest, your throat, your neck.

Lora Cheadle [00:41:45]:
You can rub your shoulders a bit. Get your hands and your hair really feel luxurious, almost sensual as you move and breathe. What would it feel like to be free? Wiggle those fingers, cast a spell, pull something in, grab something, move it, Get saucy. Get sexy. Whatever feels good. What would it feel like to be a little more flirty, a little more playful? Ask yourself, what’s stopping me from bliss? What’s stopping me from joy? What’s stopping me? If something comes up, if there’s a block, dance with it. Don’t squash it. If what’s stopping you is fear of making a mistake, oh invite that mistake in, dance with that mistake.

Lora Cheadle [00:43:00]:
If what’s stopping you? Is somebody else? Bring them to the party too. Shimmy shake. Open it up, dance with them. Start twirling, start turning, start looking somewhere else. Get those arms up and move. It’s not about rejection. It’s about integrating and dancing with those fears. What would that feel like? How do I play with it? Now, start slowly bringing it down, knowing that the answers are within you.

Lora Cheadle [00:43:46]:
Knowing that this flow is within you. Knowing that all you have to do before you sit down at your laptop, before you have a conversation with an attorney, with a financial planner, with your partner, with your kids, is flow. Move that body. Open up the energy fields, move that spine, bring a little bit of energy in, and that the conversation will go better, the interaction will go better. And if it doesn’t, because sometimes that happens. When you’re done, you don’t need to sit in that space of darkness and regret. What should I have said? What should I have done? You can just drop it down and flow it out of your body. Flowing it out.

Lora Cheadle [00:44:39]:
And as you bring it down, reach your fingers to the floor, reach your roots from your feet down and drain. Drain that darkness, drain that negativity, drain that heaviness, drain the pain, the congestion, whatever it is. Out through those roots. Because just like we are senders and receivers of energy, so too are our roots senders and receivers. We can receive good energy and we can drain bad energy. We can drain what we don’t want. So come to a still spot, draining, releasing, breathing. And I want you to end by placing one hand on your heart.

Lora Cheadle [00:45:34]:
If you can, and one hand on your belly. Focus on the hand that’s on your heart and what does your heart say? What does your heart say about this situation? What does your heart say about you? What does your heart say? Don’t think. Just notice it and if you can, write it down. My heart says I deserve love. Whatever it is. My heart says yes. My heart says not now. Release that hand and press into the belly.

Lora Cheadle [00:46:12]:
Feel that gut. What does your gut say? What is the message that your gut has for you? Breathe. Don’t think. Just write it down and listen. My gut says time. My gut says green. Whatever it is. And now reaching both arms up, bring them on your head, massage that scalp, get those fingers in.

Lora Cheadle [00:46:45]:
Ruffle up your hair. It’s okay. And then press those fingers into your head. What does your head say now? Now that your head is connected to

Narrator [00:46:56]:
your body, to your heart, to your gut, what does your head say? Maybe.

Lora Cheadle [00:47:01]:
Could be. Take time. You’re enough. Whatever it is, breathe into that. Write it down. And taking one more deep, slow breath. And return. Now.

Lora Cheadle [00:47:19]:
Before we complete this integration, I want you to look or think about what you just wrote down, what your gut said, what your heart said, and what your head said. This is where we find alignment. You hear about alignment so often, but what does it really mean? What it really means is this. Finding congruence and alignment between the wisdom of our head, the wisdom of our heart, the wisdom of our gut. And this is a tool, a skill, a strategy that you can use whenever you’re making big decisions. Do I stay? Do I go? How much time do I give? Your body knows. Your heart knows. And just so often we override with the head.

Lora Cheadle [00:48:11]:
So use this often to help you make decisions that are truly right for you. Now this tends to be a pretty profound experience for everyone. So if you were able, sit with it now. Just sit quietly even for 30 seconds. Notice the changes in how you feel and how you think. Touch your body. You can just move something. It’s not like you need a 20 minute dance.

Lora Cheadle [00:48:48]:
You can just shake your shoulders or move it. And just reflect on how this felt for you. Reflect on the clarity of knowing both where you’re at and how that feels and where you want to be and how that feels. Because it’s how it feels that matters. Going forward, like I said, use this, this 3 point check anytime you need to ensure that the decisions you are making are right. Now as you know, if you’ve reached out to me, one of my favorite things in the whole world is talking to you. Human to human, survivor to survivor, woman to woman. I love talking to you.

Lora Cheadle [00:49:43]:
I love hearing your experience, your wisdom, your questions. And I would love to hear what came up for you during this experience, whether you did it physically or just in your mind. So reach out, laura@lauracheadle.com, and it’s loracheadle, and let me know what happened. Let me know how you feel now. And also if you have any questions around it, you can ask, like, what happens when or what happens if or this was a sensation that I had. And if you’re interested in more, if you’re interested in having more of these tools, more access to me, then I absolutely have the best program for you. It’s the After the Affair program, and it’s a 90 day program that helps you return back home to yourself, to your heart, and to your body. In particular, so you can quell obsessive thoughts and so you can start feeling better in your body, so you can start feeling heartsick and in pain.

Lora Cheadle [00:51:08]:
It’s 90 days. And in those 90 days, you will have a series of journal prompts. You will have a series of 2 minute meditations. You will have 5 minute exercise slash movement videos. But most importantly, you will have 30 emotion specific somatic processing videos. And what is just brilliant about that is if you’re feeling rage, you open up the rage video, and I walk you through a dance, a process, a movement experience that’s like 5 minutes or under, unprocessing rage. If you’re feeling overwhelming sadness and grief, you look at the emotions list. You open up that video, and together, we process your overwhelming grief, your overwhelming sadness.

Lora Cheadle [00:52:06]:
Thirty, emotions. What’s also really powerful about having that video list is sometimes we don’t know how we feel. Sometimes we’re like, I’m just crushed. I’m overwhelmed. And it’s so helpful to open up that list and be like, oh, it’s despair. I’m feeling despair. Or, oh, what I’m feeling is alone. I’m really feeling fearful and alone.

Lora Cheadle [00:52:38]:
And then you can do as many of those videos as you need, as many of those videos as you want. And what’s even better about it is after you’ve done them for the 90 days, you were adept at doing it on your own. You’ve done this for 90 days, so it doesn’t matter what comes up. Whether it’s dealing with the aftermath of a divorce or co parenting or dealing with difficult family members or a difficult boss or difficult employees. Once you have these skills, the skills stay with you for a lifetime. So forevermore, you will know how to use somatic processing. So wherever that angst is, whatever is causing it, you will know exactly how to flow it out of your body in the moment so it doesn’t stay stuck and cause problems down the line. So if you are interested, I would absolutely love to connect with you.

Lora Cheadle [00:53:44]:
I would love to connect with you. I’d love to talk to you about this program in particular because of the somatic processing, but about anything else too. And you know me. I’m not like this crazy stupid high pressure person. I just wanna talk to you. I wanna see what would meet your needs because I’ve been through this, and I couldn’t find things that helped me. And truly my mission is to give you the tools, the skills, the support, the access to things that will help you feel better so you can make more quality decisions and so you don’t have to be stuck in this place of pain for the long haul. If you wanna find out more about this program, go to Affair Recovery For Women.

Lora Cheadle [00:54:25]:
Affair Recovery For Women.com. I’ve got 3 programs there. It is the first of the 3 programs. If you wanna check out the other 3, check them out. The other programs include this program. So if you’re like, yes, this is enough, but I want more. I want Laurie in my life, in my ear, walking me by my side because I really deserve to get through this quickly after everything he’s put me through. Check out those other programs because they include the 90 day.

Lora Cheadle [00:54:54]:
The 90 day is my base level. All my other packages include this 90 day because this is ideally where I want everyone to start. I want everyone to have these tools all of the time so they never have to feel in pain or stressed or agitated again. So affairrecoveryforwomen.com. Let me know your experience. Have an amazing week. And as usual, always remember to FLAUNT! exactly who you are because who you are is always more than enough.

Narrator [00:55:33]:
Tune in next time to FLAUNT!, find your sparkle and create a life you love after infidelity or betrayal with Lora Cheadle every Wednesday at 7 AM and 7 PM Eastern Standard Time on syndicated DreamVision 7 Radio Network. Uncover the truth of what’s possible for you on the other side of betrayal and develop the skills and strategies necessary to embrace the future and flourish today. Download your free betrayal recovery toolkit at betrayalrecoveryguide.com.