In this episode, Lora Cheadle welcomes Dr. Ray Doktor, a life and relationship coach, to explore the deep emotional work required to heal from betrayal. Together, they unpack why men often struggle to express emotions, how women can stop waiting for a partner’s “potential,” and the self-sabotaging patterns that keep people stuck.
Top 3 Takeaways
- Healing Starts with You – Infidelity shakes your sense of self, but recovery begins by turning inward and rebuilding your relationship with yourself.
- Wishful Thinking vs. Reality – Many women hold onto their partner’s “potential,” but true healing comes from accepting who they really are, not who you wish they could be.
- Men and Emotional Avoidance – Many men avoid deep emotional work, opting for quick-fix pleasure (cheating, drinking, distractions) over true healing. A thriving relationship requires both partners to grow together.
Ready to heal your body and mind after betrayal? Download your free Betrayal Recovery Toolkit at BetrayalRecoveryGuide.com and book a complimentary 30-minute consultation with Lora today!
About Dr. Ray Doktor
Dr. Ray Doktor is a best-selling author whose book was published by the team behind the Chicken Soup for the Soul series. With a doctorate in clinical psychology and over 28 years of experience as a life and relationship coach, Dr. Ray has shared stages with some of the most influential voices in personal development, including Marianne Williamson, Bruce Lipton, John Gray, and Eckhart Tolle. His expertise has been featured on the E Channel, HBO, and KCAL 9 Los Angeles, as well as in Psychology Today, Men’s Health, and the Los Angeles Times.
Social Media accounts to share
https://www.allittakesisonebook.com/
https://raydoktor.com/book-a-call/
https://www.instagram.com/drraydoktorcoaching
https://www.facebook.com/raydoktor
https://www.youtube.com/raydoktor
https://www.tiktok.com/@raydoktor
Drop One Big Hidden Belief and Transform Your Life
What if changing just one hidden belief could unlock your full potential? In “All It Takes Is One,” Dr. Ray Doktor, Psy. D., shares the key to a life of happiness and fulfillment, drawing from 30 years of experience and powerful techniques. Ready to transcend your limits? Get your copy here: https://www.allittakesisonebook.com/
About Lora:
Lora Cheadle is a betrayal recovery coach, attorney, and TEDx speaker who helps women heal from betrayal on an energetic, emotional, and ancestral level—while also providing legal guidance to help them navigate the practical complexities of infidelity and relationship transitions. She empowers women to rise from the ashes, reclaim their identity and self-worth, break free from repeating patterns, and step into their power with confidence, clarity, and grace.
After being shattered by her husband’s fifteen years of infidelity, Lora knows firsthand what it takes to transform devastation into an invitation for healing, freedom, and joy. Her unique approach blends deep emotional healing with tangible legal and life strategies, guiding women beyond betrayal into lives of unapologetic confidence and purpose.
As the founder of Life Choreography Coaching & Advocacy, Lora provides comprehensive legal, emotional, intellectual, and spiritual support on demand. She believes that infidelity doesn’t have to be the end of the dream you poured your heart and soul into—it can be the beginning of a life filled with sovereignty, connection, and joy.
Licensed to practice law in California and Colorado, Lora is also a trauma-aware coach, clinical hypnotherapist, somatic attachment therapist, and advanced integrated energy practitioner. She is certified in yoga, mindfulness, group fitness, and personal training, bringing a holistic perspective to healing.
She is the author of FLAUNT! Drop Your Cover and Reveal Your Smart, Sexy, & Spiritual Self (an International Book Awards Finalist and Tattered Cover Bestseller) and It’s Not Burnout, It’s Betrayal: 5 Tools to FUEL UP & Thrive. She also hosts the podcast FLAUNT! Create a Life You Love After Infidelity and Betrayal.
Based in Colorado, Lora is an adventure-seeker who loves travel, a great book, and saying yes to life’s magic.
Betrayal Recovery Tool Kit
Find Relief, Reclaim Yourself, and Rewrite Your Story
Download your Betrayal Recovery Tool Kit at www.BetrayalRecoveryGuide.com and start reclaiming yourself and your life today!
Let’s connect! Share your thoughts or questions from this episode with Lora at loracheadle.com. New episodes every week.
Subscribe, like, share, and join Lora Cheadle on your journey to reclaim your sparkle and create a life you love.
✨ Special Offers from Our Sponsors! ✨
Thank you to BetterHelp for sponsoring this podcast! Take charge of your mental health and get 10% off your first month of therapy at https://BetterHelp.com/FLAUNT
Are you ready to Rise Up, Reclaim Your Story, & Reign as the Queen of your Life? Infidelity may have shaken your world, but it doesn’t define you. You are powerful. You are worthy. And you are capable of creating a future filled with confidence, clarity, and joy. I will walk by your side, giving you the perspective, permission, and wisdom to transform your betrayal into something profoundly empowering. Whether you work with me one-on-one or complete my Affair Recovery Programs from the privacy of your home, you’ll gain the tools to untangle yourself from the past, reclaim your power, and step boldly into your next chapter. Your healing starts now! Learn more at:
www.AffairRecoveryForWomen.com
Visit www.LoraCheadle.com for more resources & inspiration.
READY TO START A BETTER CHAPTER? Step into the future you’ve always dreamed of with the power of transformative rituals with the Mindful Subscription Box. Get a monthly box full of crystals, aromatherapy, and other spiritual tools worth $120. You deserve high-quality gems, crystals, oils, and mindfulness tools for self-care that truly work. It’s a monthly dose of self-love delivered right to your door! Go to www.Mindfulsouls.com and use Discount Code LORA30 for 30% off your order!
- International Book Award, Finalist Motivational Self-Help 2021
• Tattered Cover Bestseller 2019
Are you tired of living a life dictated by others? What if you could break free and be who you are? If you’ve felt trapped by expectations and long to be free, FLAUNT! is the key to unlocking who you are, expressing yourself authentically, and choreographing your life your way.
Unleash the power within and embrace your true self with this transformative guide that empowers you to strip away societal expectations and discover your authentic, smart, sexy, and spiritual self. Through a unique blend of humor, wisdom, and actionable steps, you can uncover your deepest desires and build the confidence to live a life full of passion and purpose.
Buy Now on Amazon, or wherever books are sold.
It’s Not Burnout, It’s Betrayal: 5 Tools to FUEL UP & Thrive, is the essential guide for burnout and betrayal relief. Packed with insight and practical tools, this book is a must-have for individuals, teams, and leaders alike. Available on Amazon. Learn more at www.itsnotburnoutitsbetrayal.com
#HealingAfterBetrayal #InfidelitySupport #BetrayalTraumaRecovery #SelfWorthAfterBetrayal #EmpoweredHealing #RiseAndReclaim #HeartbreakToHealing #RebuildingTrust #MindBodyHealing
#EnergyHealingForBetrayal #SelfLoveJourney #BreakFreeFromBetrayal #YouAreNotAlone MindsetShift #VisionFor2025 #FreeWorkshop #VisionBoard2025 #LoraCheadle #NewBookRelease
#PreOrderNow
Transcript
Lora Cheadle [00:00:01]:
You’re listening to Flaunt, find your sparkle and create a life you love after infidelity or betrayal. A podcast for women who’ve been betrayed by their intimate partner and want to turn their devastation into an invitation to reclaim them selves and their worth. Tune in weekly so you can start making sense of it all and learn how to be okay on the inside no matter what goes on on the outside. Download your free betrayal recovery toolkit at betrayalrecoveryguide.com. This podcast is sponsored by BetterHelp. Have you been struggling lately? Relationship issues impact every area of your life. When I found out about my husband’s infidelity, I was so devastated. I could barely function.
Lora Cheadle [00:00:49]:
Sleeping was impossible because I couldn’t shut off my brain. Eating was a challenge because I felt nauseous all the time. And for the first month or so, everything felt pointless. Whether you’re having trouble sleeping, feeling hopeless, or just can’t focus, BetterHelp is here to help you. BetterHelp offers licensed therapists who are trained to listen and help. You can talk to your therapist in a private online environment at your convenience. There’s a broad range of expertise in BetterHelp’s twenty thousand plus therapist network that gives you access to help that might not be available in your area. Just fill out a questionnaire to help assess your specific needs, and then you’ll be matched with a therapist in under twenty four hours.
Lora Cheadle [00:01:35]:
Then you can schedule secure video and phone sessions. Plus, you can exchange unlimited messages, and everything you share is completely confidential. I know that confidentiality was important for me, especially early on when I couldn’t even get my own mind wrapped around what was happening. And it was so comforting to be able to speak with someone candidly about everything I was going through to validate that what I was feeling and experiencing was completely normal. You can request a new therapist at no additional charge anytime. Join the 2,000,000 plus people who have taken charge of their mental health with an experienced BetterHelp therapist. Special offer to flaunt, create a life you love after infidelity and betrayal listeners. You get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/flaunt.
Lora Cheadle [00:02:30]:
That’s better help, h e l p, dot com slash flaunt, f l a u n t. Thanks again to BetterHelp for sponsoring this podcast.
Lora Cheadle [00:02:50]:
Before we get into today’s episode, I want you to know a couple of things. I am currently on vacation. I am in Florida celebrating the release of my book, It’s Not Burnout, It’s Betrayal, five Tools to Fuel Up and Thrive. Releasing a book is a ton of work, and, yay, it hit number one on Amazon. So lots to celebrate as well. If you haven’t picked up your copy, pick up your copy. You can get a paper back, or you can download the Kindle edition. And please, please, please leave me a review.
Lora Cheadle [00:03:26]:
Reviews on Amazon and Goodreads make a huge difference. So whether it’s for it’s not burnout, it’s betrayal, or it’s whether it’s for my old book, Flaunt, please, pretty, pretty, please wish to go on top, leave me a review. Anyway, back to what I was saying. I’m gone these next couple weeks, and what I decided to do was prerecord a couple of shows with men because I want you to have the male point of view on some things. Now just like with any guest, just like with me, I want you to listen, and I want you to be open to hearing a different perspective about things. But I never want you to feel threatened or attacked or, like, suddenly the things that you thought were wrong. Discernment is important. It’s important for us to hear all points of view, even things that make us go, what? I what? That doesn’t make sense to me.
Lora Cheadle [00:04:29]:
Listen to it. Run it through the filters of your body, your mind, your gut gut check. If something feels good, take it as information. And if something feels like, this doesn’t feel valid for me or this doesn’t seem right, let it go. That’s why I want to bring some men on the show with different points of view so you can just understand, oh, people see things differently. Oh, this might work for me. It might not work for me. So enjoy my male guests for the next couple weeks while I am getting some much needed R and R in Florida.
Lora Cheadle [00:05:07]:
And I will be back in two weeks with some more live shows. Bye. Hello, and welcome to Flaunt. Create a life you love after infidelity or betrayal. I’m Laura Cheadle. And today, I have, oh, a man on the show. Not only a man, but his name is doctor Ray. And he is a best selling author, and he is a life and relationship coach.
Lora Cheadle [00:05:32]:
And what I really liked about looking at his website and going through his work is it mirrored so much of mine. You know how I always talk about the first step is, reveal, revealing yourself. He also has a lot about revealing yourself, about moving through that one limiting belief. So today, we’re gonna talk a lot about we’re gonna talk about a lot of things. We’re gonna have a really good conversation, but my intention for this show is to give you information, to give you inspiration, and also to have a man, a smart man, validate some of the things that you might be wondering or thinking. So welcome to the show, doctor Ray.
Lora Cheadle [00:06:17]:
Thank you. This will be fun, and I hope I can really help your audience really move into that space of knowing that it’s not about them. Yeah. Absolutely. Absolutely. Let’s start with a little bit of
Dr. Ray Doktor [00:06:30]:
a background on you. I know you’re a relationship coach, but what does that mean? A lot of people might be going, I’m not exactly sure what that means. So talk a little bit about that, please.
Lora Cheadle [00:06:42]:
Well, when most people hear that I’m a life and relationship coach, they might automatically think I focus on couples or a relationship with another human being, which is true. However, where my work always goes is the relationship with ourselves when, say, as an example, your husband cheats on you. Well, in that moment, you might turn around on yourself such as, was I not attractive enough to, was there was there something I did wrong? So in that process, it’s your own consciousness kind of turn around and asking these questions. And if you have a negative relationship with yourself, such as it’s typically more negative, then there’s a good chance that you will create even more negative narratives of about his behaviors and actions as it’s something that you did, you created, and therefore, you turn around, you go into the space of self deprecation, and and feel worse. And so with every client, we always turn it around inward so that person can recognize that, wait a minute, that if it is how I relate to myself and how I feel right now doesn’t feel good right now, then if I learn can learn some tools and I can reframe what had happened, then maybe I’ll start having more positive talk about myself and therefore start to feel better and move past this regardless if, you know, he cheated on me. Mhmm. Regardless if we’re going to get a divorce, regardless if I am divorced, that life moves forward and I better start having a better relationship with myself anyway.
Dr. Ray Doktor [00:08:30]:
Yeah. And I love that, and that is so powerful because at the end of the day, it is all about you anyway. Even if you work it out, your partner could pass away unexpectedly. I mean, I hate to say that, but it is about you. You have to find peace with yourself no matter what.
Lora Cheadle [00:08:47]:
Yep. Sure.
Dr. Ray Doktor [00:08:48]:
Yeah. One of the things you mentioned, and I’m big on tools too, is tools to help move from that state of grief, shock, oh my gosh, it’s all about me, to reclaiming your brain so you can start giving yourself some of that positive self talk. And what I mean, I’m just gonna give a little example before I come in with your answer. I have always had very positive self regard. I’ve got higher self esteem. I’ve got a lot of confidence. And yet still, when I found out my husband had cheated on me for fifteen years with five women who were really nasty, gross women. Let me tell you all of the horrible thoughts that went through my mind.
Dr. Ray Doktor [00:09:30]:
Let me tell you all of the grief that I went through. And it took a while, and it took some tools for me to get back to who I was before. So that’s the frame that I would like to put around your answer. What are some of these tools? How can you get back to who you were before? And if who you were before could have used a little bit of brushing up, how can you increase your self esteem, self worth, self regard?
Lora Cheadle [00:09:56]:
I really like that segue because you you mentioned if the former self of you was ignoring the red flags. Yep. Right. The former self of you was had this idea that, the relationship was completely safe, therefore, there’s nothing to be concerned about, then, of course, you you might, you know, recognize that or have started having the thoughts of maybe I could have done it better. It doesn’t mean that it would prevented him from cheating, but that maybe this is about me, the the new better version of myself. Mhmm. Because oftentimes, the shock is this, and it’s that we had an attachment to something never changing. We had an attachment that, we’re gonna trust his words and who he is over our own self trust.
Dr. Ray Doktor [00:10:51]:
Yes.
Lora Cheadle [00:10:52]:
Right? Right?
Dr. Ray Doktor [00:10:53]:
Yes.
Lora Cheadle [00:10:54]:
That that we gave up a lot of our power in that relationship. Therefore, a big part of why we might feel this way being cheated on is that we knew something. Our intuition was correct five, ten, fifteen years ago and ignore the red flags. And so it’s not about backpedaling going, I screwed up and this is why this happened. It’s more that it did happen and therefore, what was it that I could have done better back then?
Lora Cheadle [00:11:24]:
Mhmm.
Lora Cheadle [00:11:26]:
What part of me is still not being authentic right now? And what version of myself do I do I wanna become from this? How do I gather the higher learning? So if you’re actually asking for a tool, some of the tools are like this. If a person says, wow. I sensed he was going to do this. Or when we stop having sex for a year or two years, I didn’t I didn’t remain curious. What was that about me? And not about me as a screwed up individual, but more what was going on in my life? Why was I ignoring this? Like, what what is it about this that I didn’t wanna lean into? And that person might say, wow. I’m I was afraid of leaning into conflict to there might have been a secondary game that I was afraid to be alone. And therefore, I was willing to just take bread crumbs, you know, from this relationship. We start recognizing and taking accountability of, like, how we showed up and whether we showed up as full as we can be.
Lora Cheadle [00:12:31]:
Again, I do wanna emphasize that the cause and effect thing. Never should we, like, blame ourselves for a partner’s coping mechanism, whether it’s cheating, gambling, doing drugs, or whatever. Okay?
Dr. Ray Doktor [00:12:46]:
Right.
Lora Cheadle [00:12:46]:
However, what we could get from that anyway is how we can participate better in that relationship or future relationship, and that’s most important. The only time maybe you are at fault, it’d be where he’s in couples therapy with you. He’s saying I’m interested in another woman. And because we don’t have a relationship, I’m finding interest. You know? Rarely does that happen. No. Then then you might go, hey. Wait a minute.
Lora Cheadle [00:13:13]:
I thought it was just a feeling. I thought it was a a metaphor, then, of course. But most of the time, that doesn’t happen. No. Does not happen. How by the way, I wanna bring this up. Yeah. I did see a woman who started having an affair, and it was with she had a husband who wasn’t doing anything with her, wasn’t taking her out.
Lora Cheadle [00:13:36]:
He was really frugal, always putting all his eggs into the basket of the future such as we can’t do this because we’re trying to pay off this condo, just making excuses.
Dr. Ray Doktor [00:13:49]:
Right.
Lora Cheadle [00:13:50]:
Or she felt this disconnect. She met met, a friend, originally a tennis coach, of course.
Dr. Ray Doktor [00:13:57]:
Of course.
Lora Cheadle [00:13:57]:
And And and here he was present with her, talking to her. They were hanging out as friends, and she even brought him home to the house as a friend. And her husband started saying, yeah. Go out with so and so. Go hiking with him. It was, like, basically, give him permission. So year went by, and she developed feelings for him.
Lora Cheadle [00:14:19]:
Yep.
Lora Cheadle [00:14:19]:
And what was interesting about this is that, because she felt bad about it and she didn’t know what to do was when her husband still was shocked by what had happened.
Dr. Ray Doktor [00:14:31]:
Wow.
Lora Cheadle [00:14:32]:
Yes. Shocked. Like and so sometimes, you know, we you know, I’m not saying that women listening to this are gonna go, that was me. But, you know, I do know that all of us yearn to feels to feel be seen.
Dr. Ray Doktor [00:14:47]:
Yeah.
Lora Cheadle [00:14:48]:
To feel loved, to feel that connection. And that just because we’re married doesn’t mean that we we don’t have to keep relating every day. Exactly. Because we’re married, it doesn’t mean that he’s not having his own life experiences, his own judgments about himself, his own problems, and so forth. So the best we can do is to show up presently as ourselves, to be as authentic as we can be, lean into conflict, and just hopefully the relationship has good communication skills so both people can feel they could be transparent. And that’s how you grow and expand, and that’s how you rediscover, each other every day. But I do know that I’m kinda segue into something else is that that’s that’s an issue with a lot of men.
Dr. Ray Doktor [00:15:33]:
Yes.
Lora Cheadle [00:15:34]:
Is that they won’t open up. They don’t share. They create hidden transgressions in which women could have fixed, you know, earlier on. Mhmm. That they kinda go into their own little world and try to do it themselves, to they’re just not speaking up of things that they wish that would show up in the relationship a a little bit better. And so they kinda create this their this reality experience that, you know, it’s just never gonna happen in my relationship. They don’t wanna talk.
Dr. Ray Doktor [00:16:03]:
Mhmm.
Lora Cheadle [00:16:04]:
And I I know more. It’s a generalization. Women have a tendency to to really wanna get their husk get to know their husbands.
Dr. Ray Doktor [00:16:11]:
Yeah.
Lora Cheadle [00:16:11]:
Is is that crazy? Like, I wanna know you to even if it hurts my feelings, tell me that you’re mad at me. You You know, even though it hurts my feelings, please trust that I will deal with whatever you you share with me, you know, no matter what because, yes, many of these women might even be independent where they’re like they’re like, well, whether you stay or not, give me as much information so I can work with that. So I can participate. And that’s usually what comes up when they’re blindsided by their husband cheating when they’re, like, throughout the relationship, what’s going on? How are you feeling? And then the husband’s like, don’t worry about it. I’m fine. I’m fine. I’m fine. Uh-huh.
Dr. Ray Doktor [00:16:54]:
Yeah. And that happens a lot, for a lot of the listeners of the show. Some of the things that I hear often is I was completely blindsided. I do all the work. I read all the books. I’m very self aware. I do all this stuff. He is not participating.
Dr. Ray Doktor [00:17:10]:
He is not he’s not answering the questions. He’s not engaging with me. So relationship skills. I mean, a relationship is two, whether it’s you and yourself or you and another person. How do you handle the situation where you are the one doing the work, and you are the one saying, I’m being authentic. I’m being vulnerable. My feelings are hurt. I’m having needs here.
Dr. Ray Doktor [00:17:31]:
I would like to go deeper. And your partner either stonewalls or gets defensive or just has no interest in the skills.
Lora Cheadle [00:17:41]:
Well, so first off, if your partner is not doing the work, more than likely, you both are gonna have a different level of consciousness and awareness. Therefore, in a way, if you are reading self help books to you’re just more curious and you have surrounded yourself with friends who are also expanding their awareness, then the person you’re married to is this like also like maybe he matches your former self, but he’s not connected to who you’re becoming. No. And that’s what women want more than anything else. It’s just please keep up with me.
Dr. Ray Doktor [00:18:22]:
Yes.
Lora Cheadle [00:18:22]:
Please keep up with me. Yes. We met in college, but I’m not that person anymore. I was insecure. Right. I felt embarrassed about how I looked when I shouldn’t have. I’ve worked through that and, like, you still dwell in that space. And I can see, you know, you’re you’re not, like, motivated to better yourself.
Lora Cheadle [00:18:42]:
You seem to, like what’s more as far as set in stone versus, inviting change. And I want you to keep up with me. Yes. Yes.
Dr. Ray Doktor [00:18:55]:
So this leads right into the concept of self sabotage, and I know you do a lot of work around self sabotage. I am seeing two different sides of the coin on this. The man who is not keeping up is sabotaging themselves in a lot of ways. The man who cheats, totally sabotaging themselves, but also the woman who settles. Mhmm. And I’m not saying the woman who keeps trying until she realizes that it’s not gonna work. I’m speaking to the woman who’s like, I guess I just have to deal with it. So talk about self sabotage on both sides of that coin, please.
Lora Cheadle [00:19:30]:
Well, there’s a lot of women out there who use their feelings over his actions.
Dr. Ray Doktor [00:19:40]:
Yes.
Lora Cheadle [00:19:40]:
There’s a lot of women who wait for their partner’s potentiality rather than accept where he’s at right now and use that information, including before they got married. Like, a lot of men will show up, and that’s what you get. And I witnessed it in real time and say, like, I was working with a couple, and the man was 47. She was 34, and she still wanted to have a child. And they’ve been together for fifteen years, and he said, I’m just not really interested in having a child. And he also said to her in front of both of us that, his career was more important, that making money, that whole getting all the ducks in place scenario that you often will hear from a lot of men. And she says, well, you would make a real good father. I know, you know
Dr. Ray Doktor [00:20:42]:
It’s it’s it’s so weird.
Lora Cheadle [00:20:44]:
Yeah. And and I and I and then he even said, did you hear that? Did you hear that? Like, she’s she thinks she doesn’t hear that they don’t wanna have a child.
Dr. Ray Doktor [00:20:55]:
Right.
Lora Cheadle [00:20:56]:
But still, she she was overriding, you know, whatever he said with wishful thinking. Mhmm. So I’ve seen it to that degree.
Dr. Ray Doktor [00:21:06]:
Mhmm.
Lora Cheadle [00:21:06]:
And so it’s it’s really important to listen to a man’s words, but also watch his actions. So the next thing I asked was, how long has he been saying that? Like, he’s trying to get his career together since I met him. Okay. I said, well, what if he doesn’t get there for the rest of his life?
Dr. Ray Doktor [00:21:26]:
Yes.
Lora Cheadle [00:21:27]:
Like like, I mean, you’re are you, like, betting on his potentiality? And so now I’ll go to answer the question about the self sabotage. It’s it looks like this. First off, it could be a situation where, actually, he is a good man. He’s sharing truths, and you get triggered, and you start creating a negative negative projections onto him, and you might send out a negative text message. You might come off needy. Well, that’s coming within. That’s that’s a way you can sabotage, say, the communication in that way. But the self sabotage also, whether he’s a jerk or not, looks like this.
Lora Cheadle [00:22:12]:
It’s that there are moments where you think about the the better version of your life you’d wanna move in a direction towards.
Dr. Ray Doktor [00:22:22]:
Mhmm.
Lora Cheadle [00:22:22]:
But you recognize that he has lied to you so many times.
Dr. Ray Doktor [00:22:28]:
Mhmm.
Lora Cheadle [00:22:29]:
And then you expect something different. You expect some type of change. So, therefore, when he cheats again or you have that conversation again and he gaslights you, you feel disappointed. It is because you showed up in a way not honoring how you truly feel and and trusting your consciousness and trusting your intuition. Therefore, you keep participating and say his problems or his lack in communication to only, like, say, experience that negativity again and even be blamed for this. Mhmm. And so I’m just giving you a couple versions of Sabbath self sabotaging, but there’s other ways also. I I hope that help explain some of this.
Dr. Ray Doktor [00:23:14]:
Yeah. It does. And let’s start go back. What is the definition of self sabotage? Because some listeners might be thinking, well, I kinda get what you’re meaning, but I don’t really know what that is.
Lora Cheadle [00:23:26]:
It is where you have an expectation
Dr. Ray Doktor [00:23:32]:
Mhmm.
Lora Cheadle [00:23:32]:
Of things to be different. And then when it doesn’t work out that way, you turn it in and feel bad about it again and again. That’s a form of self sabotage.
Lora Cheadle [00:23:42]:
Mhmm.
Lora Cheadle [00:23:42]:
It could be where, you know what the right decision is to do, but you’re afraid to move into that conflict. There might be a secondary gain for you that you’re not admitting.
Dr. Ray Doktor [00:23:53]:
Mhmm.
Lora Cheadle [00:23:53]:
That was why you stay in a relationship and you allow yourself to get hurt again and therefore, that’s a form of self sabotaging. It is also where you, go out on a date with your partner and your jealousy gets kicked up. You know, you think he’s looking at a waitress, but he’s not. You start an argument. And there’s a pattern of you starting arguments a lot when you go out. Therefore, you don’t have a good evening because you just now self sabotage because you haven’t healed that, say, unhealed trauma when your father cheated on your mother. Right. You know, these are different forms of self sabotage to just even this.
Lora Cheadle [00:24:33]:
It’s where you, you deep inside, you feel really insecure, like you’re gonna strike out. You know, usually I share this scenario with men who like baseball, but, and you go on that job interview, and all you do is have, like, thoughts about how you’re not good enough, and therefore, you botch it, you know, during that interview.
Dr. Ray Doktor [00:24:55]:
Mhmm.
Lora Cheadle [00:24:55]:
Self sabotage. I could give giving you examples, but that’s what self sabotage is.
Dr. Ray Doktor [00:25:00]:
Right. So I
Lora Cheadle [00:25:00]:
didn’t really give you a definition. I gave you more examples.
Dr. Ray Doktor [00:25:04]:
Right. Right. No. That makes sense. You’ve used this phrase a couple of times, afraid to move into conflict. And I wanna have a conversation around that. Because sometimes sometimes we’re wisely afraid of conflict. Sometimes it is not the time to address something.
Dr. Ray Doktor [00:25:23]:
Sometimes there are legitimate reasons to just let something go and move on. And yet still, that can become a very damaging negative habit. So how do you know if you were really afraid to move into conflict or if you were just being wise and giving your partner grace and keeping the peace to keep everybody safe.
Lora Cheadle [00:25:47]:
Well, first off, you’re right. You you you are an attorney. Listen to everything I say. That’s why I started smiling when you said, you’ve said, avoiding conflict a few times, which is really great.
Dr. Ray Doktor [00:26:02]:
You got it. Yeah.
Lora Cheadle [00:26:03]:
I know exactly. I’m like, oh, alright. The attorney’s coming up.
Dr. Ray Doktor [00:26:07]:
It is. The the definitions and
Lora Cheadle [00:26:10]:
Yeah.
Dr. Ray Doktor [00:26:11]:
All of that. Old habits.
Lora Cheadle [00:26:12]:
I love it. Yeah. Yeah. You do you’re really good at these questions. Okay. So I’m gonna give you example.
Dr. Ray Doktor [00:26:17]:
Yes.
Lora Cheadle [00:26:17]:
I and I like to give examples because it gives a bigger picture, and I I feel it’s more relatable because it’s it’s also happening in real time right now. So, my co partner or not co partner. My girlfriend, she has a co partner. Yeah. And she has a child with this man. And she had a meeting with him yesterday, and it did not go very well at all. And he gaslights. Mhmm.
Lora Cheadle [00:26:41]:
He makes the conversation about himself. He, avoids these meetings, so therefore, it could take her a month to have this meeting. And, so when the meeting happens, typically it’s not just one topic, it’s several to discuss things that have to do with, say, improving their co parenting arrangements or things that can help their son. Okay?
Dr. Ray Doktor [00:27:05]:
Right.
Lora Cheadle [00:27:05]:
And so she has this idea that the relationship has gotten better because ten years ago, he left for a year. He has you know, he wasn’t paying any help for her child to he had even once spit it on her. Oh. Okay. Yes. So, so it went from that to where they can communicate now a little bit. It’s where now that there is respectful in some ways communication. Mhmm.
Lora Cheadle [00:27:40]:
However, when you step back from it, nothing’s really changed, and it’s this. She has to always wait when it’s the perfect time for him. And so the relationship revolves around him to when she writes stuff to get things done, she’ll always send those messages to me to see what I think or has it corrected to make it even softer on chat g b t because it gets defensive.
Dr. Ray Doktor [00:28:08]:
Yeah.
Lora Cheadle [00:28:09]:
She constantly is walking on eggshells so he can receive information and does not get defensive. And so so much of where they are right now is because she’s afraid of that conflict. Mhmm. And so she’s the one who directs the relationship. She’s the one who does everything. And almost every time they make a decision, whether it’s changing a school or doing something to improve their son’s life, like get a tutor, and it is always worked out, but he always has resistance. He always has to feel like he’s a part of it, and he really doesn’t have that much to say. So she’s always she’s holding so much of this.
Dr. Ray Doktor [00:28:52]:
Yes.
Lora Cheadle [00:28:53]:
Where he’s she’s like, in a way, she has to hold space for this man who acts like an immature child.
Dr. Ray Doktor [00:29:00]:
Yes.
Lora Cheadle [00:29:01]:
K? And so I’m sharing this because they’re also where they’re at right now is because this was still happening three years after they got past the whole, like, when it was really aggressive. Five years after that, it’s still been that way because she’s trying to wait when it’s the perfect timing. Right. And this man has a history of wrecking relationships. This man has a history of creating problems and gaslighting and so forth. So in a way, it’s like she’s trying to avoid something that’s not avoidable. And then it keeps piling up and piling up. And so this whole idea of leaning to conflict, I hear it, and there’s this idea there’s gonna be a better timing.
Lora Cheadle [00:29:46]:
Sometimes there is such as if your partner parent just passed away, and you’re not gonna go, hey, are we gonna be looking at, you know, a new home anytime soon? Not the best timing. If your partner’s been drinking and you’ve also, not good timing. K? If, it’s the idea that, you have an expectation for him to receive you in a way you want Mhmm. That, by the way, can sabotage yourself as well. So, therefore, you try to find the perfect timing to show that information in a way you’re playing god. Yes. You have to allow him to react. You have to allow him to be himself.
Lora Cheadle [00:30:33]:
In other words, you I I think so many women out there become like natural caregivers.
Lora Cheadle [00:30:39]:
Mhmm.
Lora Cheadle [00:30:40]:
They get into the people pleasing, syndrome where they’re trying to keep everyone happy. And within themselves and their nervous systems, I get it because maybe unconsciously, they’re afraid the man can actually hit them.
Dr. Ray Doktor [00:30:54]:
Exactly.
Lora Cheadle [00:30:55]:
That happens. To they’re afraid of their reputation. They’re afraid of how the community might look at them and so forth. And so they’re the ones keeping all this peace at the home and trying to avoid that conflict. But here’s the thing to really take into your body when you hear this. You are at conflict every moment, every minute thinking about how you have to navigate who your authentic self is with him. That doesn’t feel good.
Dr. Ray Doktor [00:31:26]:
No. That’s exhausting.
Lora Cheadle [00:31:27]:
Oh, absolutely. In a man, if he keeps getting, reactive, that’s on him to go see a coach or therapist. Mhmm. You know, you’re not to be his coach or therapist.
Dr. Ray Doktor [00:31:39]:
No. And I’m glad you said that because so many women and I know I was guilty of it too. I can take care of this. I can fix this. Let me just tell you what you need to do. Let me just explain the impact that that had on me. And then we start becoming almost overbearing because we’re so desperately trying to seed information, to seed that this is what you should do, and it’s toxic. I’d love to hear from your point of view as a man what it’s like when a woman does that.
Lora Cheadle [00:32:13]:
Take over and lead? Yes. First off, I, as a man, have never had that happen because I’m pretty masculine.
Dr. Ray Doktor [00:32:22]:
Mhmm.
Lora Cheadle [00:32:22]:
And I’m a take charge type of person, and my father raised me that way who was in the marines for thirty years, fought in World War two, the Korean War, and three tours in Vietnam, and lived through 400 battles. So he he had a hats have some really good leadership. And so, therefore, I have not had experience. However, some relationships that did not work out were those types of women who, whether it was conscious or not, felt more comfortable being in control because of, say, trust issues. And therefore, the sexual polarity fizzled out. My one of my best friends is that person. She’s this, godmother of my son. She calls me sweetie pie still.
Lora Cheadle [00:33:13]:
And when we dated fifteen, sixteen years ago, there are moments where because her mother was very controlled and also, really bossy, that form of communication never really felt good for me, so it turned me off. There’s moments I I would say I felt like a little boy, but being spoken down to you like a little boy did not feel good.
Dr. Ray Doktor [00:33:35]:
Yes.
Lora Cheadle [00:33:36]:
But how most men, feel with that is this. It’s that if you tell him you statements, he’s gonna experience you like his mother. If he hears you in a way where you’re telling him what to do, he can it could feel like you’re trying to be his boss. And if he really wants to be that masculine person and you’re moving into that motherly type of communication, it will turn him off. Women will say, well, how do I go about this? And it’d be this. I’ll give you example. When, I’m just using use this example because it just happened. My my girlfriend.
Lora Cheadle [00:34:16]:
So let’s just say she because we brought this example anyway. What if she were to say, you’re so irresponsible. You’re arrogant, you know, and, like, it’s about our son, and you always make it about yourself. Now, of course, he’s gonna get defensive. Right. A better way might be this. I don’t feel safe to have these conversations with you. I feel like you go off topic, and therefore, we don’t get things you know, we don’t move into a a place where there’s harmony, and I would like to improve this.
Lora Cheadle [00:34:51]:
What do you think or feel about this? Right. Because because in that exchange, when she say if she were to attack him, she’s coming from that place of feeling afraid or whatever it is. The only thing that she can own is how she’s feeling in that raw moment.
Dr. Ray Doktor [00:35:09]:
Mhmm.
Lora Cheadle [00:35:10]:
And let him respond with how he might respond. Now I know women will go, well, he gets defensive anyway to he just looks at you and doesn’t respond with anything. Well, that’s your feedback. That’s your feedback. He’s he’s not ready. So you might take this conversation into a a therapist’s office or you might recognize that he’s not mature enough or that you might suggest, you know, other things. Like, you might say, I don’t need a perfect answer. I just want us to feel like there’s some togetherness.
Lora Cheadle [00:35:43]:
I don’t need you to and because sometimes a lot of times men will go, you know, I do this for you. They start talking about their efforts, and they don’t feel appreciated.
Dr. Ray Doktor [00:35:54]:
Right.
Lora Cheadle [00:35:54]:
Therefore, there could be some truth in that. Mhmm. So it might be when you start the conversation off, it’s it’s first begins with this. I know you’re doing your best. I really appreciate your efforts. I really like the ways in which you’re showing up. I would love to improve some things. Hear that? That I think you can make it better.
Lora Cheadle [00:36:17]:
So there’d be that bridge where he hears this as, oh, I might get benefits from here. I have a happier wife. I have a more essential wife. Yes. I have a wife who’s appreciating me. And again, this doesn’t always work because there’s a lot of men out there who have avoided looking at their true emotions. They create these, like, these, narratives that are not even true about their partner. And then oftentimes, they’ll take really poor actions on that.
Dr. Ray Doktor [00:36:46]:
Yes.
Lora Cheadle [00:36:47]:
Such as cheating.
Dr. Ray Doktor [00:36:48]:
Yes. And and that’s just what I was gonna say. I love because we talk about this a lot in the show too, the narratives that get created. And then the man cheats based on some story in his head, and the women are are going, wait. What? Why did you even think that about me? It doesn’t make sense.
Lora Cheadle [00:37:07]:
Yes. Yes. Absolutely. Yeah. It’s it’s, you know what? I’ve I have well, here’s something to share and this can really trigger women and it’s this. I have worked with women who felt like the intimacy was lacking And sometimes it was because they let themselves go.
Lora Cheadle [00:37:29]:
Mhmm.
Lora Cheadle [00:37:29]:
Like, they really did. And that led to it wasn’t just their body that they actually became very depressed. Maybe even feeling more about bad about their body than their husband. Okay? And I have seen these couples show up, and he doesn’t wanna say anything. He’s afraid. And when he has, she’s gotten defensive such as, you know, two years ago, I lost my father. That actually happened to my business. It it you know, my my business failed.
Lora Cheadle [00:38:00]:
Well, you know, and I know that life is filled with a lot of failures. It’s what you do with it. Mhmm. And so whether it’s a man or woman, if we let ourselves go, whether it’s our physical body, whether it’s our happiness, whether it’s our own attraction to ourselves, because if we’re not attracted to ourselves and how we live our life, we’re not gonna be interested in having sex or interested or attracted to our partner. It shows up that way. And that’s a really challenging conversation to have because more often people take that personally. So and I don’t want women to think here think because they can just take this out of context and go, so what you’re saying it’s my fault or what you’re saying is Right. Is I always have to look beautiful and beyond.
Lora Cheadle [00:38:42]:
I’m not saying that. I’m saying that oftentimes we participate in a certain way and we’re not open to receiving that feedback.
Dr. Ray Doktor [00:38:51]:
Mhmm.
Lora Cheadle [00:38:52]:
And so a person might start to shut down. I don’t think that partner should cheat on their wife, but it’s owning that part where he could not communicate. And those are situations where it leads to the conversation of of I try to tell her, but she shut me down. Mhmm. I try to share with her how I liked what it what how we were really more connected ten years ago when she was thriving and feeling happy. Mhmm. I would you know, it’s like, that’s why we’re in this intimate relationship. This is why we create these sacred containers so we can grow and and help up level each other because we’re not always going to be on.
Dr. Ray Doktor [00:39:33]:
Right. Right. And what you said also applies to the man’s relationship with himself.
Lora Cheadle [00:39:40]:
Yes.
Dr. Ray Doktor [00:39:40]:
Because I know in my case, and I know it was so many of the women that I’ve worked with too, the man is facing their own depression, their own career career failures, their own life failures. And then they’re they’re the ones that are not reaching out. And then the cheating is the coping mechanism to make themselves feel better. Oh, I didn’t get my promotion at work. Cheating will give me that validation. And it’s the man’s dysfunctional relationship with himself that is leading into cheating as a coping mechanism to hopefully make himself feel better.
Lora Cheadle [00:40:16]:
Yeah. I’m gonna piggyback off of that one.
Lora Cheadle [00:40:19]:
Please.
Lora Cheadle [00:40:19]:
Yes. So some women might not be able to draw the connection to sex. Okay? But it can look like this. So first off, imagine, more likely, this hasn’t been going on for a while.
Dr. Ray Doktor [00:40:33]:
Mhmm.
Lora Cheadle [00:40:33]:
For the last three years, you’ve been, say, on his butt. And you might have valid valid points a feel to feel this way. But if you’re speaking with him in that way where you’re telling him what he’s not doing and whether or not he deserves it or not, like, what if he’s really, like, just sitting on the couch and drinking beers and just always watching sports? I get this. So but imagine where you’re kind of sharing with him that he’s not enough for you in that moment. He doesn’t hear that you want him to improve himself. He’s not taking personal responsibility as far as to take those steps, like go to the gym or, change his job or whatever it is. And then all of a sudden, he has some younger woman at work texting him because he’s in that position of being the boss. In that moment for the younger girl or the, say, inferior person that he is something, he starts to feel this pseudo, confidence to where, at least in that moment, this girl is looking up to him, which I know sucks, and it’s not really true.
Lora Cheadle [00:41:45]:
It’s within that context. So even if she, say, is not educated, she’s a hot mess, at least in that moment, he can feel maybe that he’s respected or like a man. And I’ve seen this happen countless times where, yes, he is actually with he’d married this woman who was an attractive eating therapist.
Lora Cheadle [00:42:11]:
Mhmm.
Lora Cheadle [00:42:11]:
She’s a really good mother. She’s doing everything. Yes. Doing everything. And deep inside, he doesn’t feel enough, but he won’t do anything about it. And so he takes the either unconscious or easy easy path. Well, this other person respects me. This other person likes me for who I am.
Lora Cheadle [00:42:30]:
And, you know, the wife would probably say, of course, she does. She doesn’t freaking know you.
Dr. Ray Doktor [00:42:34]:
Exactly. She doesn’t
Lora Cheadle [00:42:35]:
she doesn’t witness how you drink a lot. She doesn’t witness how you actually avoid conflict. She doesn’t witness how you’re a horrible parent.
Dr. Ray Doktor [00:42:45]:
Mhmm.
Lora Cheadle [00:42:45]:
And so, of course. And so men have a tendency, both men and women, but I would say, win men will lean more into pleasure Yes.
Dr. Ray Doktor [00:42:55]:
Over
Lora Cheadle [00:42:55]:
processing and and doing the work. They’ll just go to the next thing, the next thing.
Dr. Ray Doktor [00:43:02]:
And I’m glad that you I’m writing that down, the pleasure over processing, because that is so true. And that’s something that a lot of the women who listen to this show have had a concern about that, okay. We’re gonna try to work it out. He’s working on himself. I’m working on myself. We’re seeing a couple’s therapist together. Oh my gosh. What if he does it again? And what I’ve been talking to them a lot about is even if he doesn’t cheat again, if you just replace cheating with drinking, gambling Yeah.
Dr. Ray Doktor [00:43:33]:
It doesn’t really matter. It’s just a replacement. Even if it’s scrolling on your phone, any maladaptive coping mechanism is maladaptive. So how do you address that with a man? What words of advice do you have on getting people to identify that or move through that?
Lora Cheadle [00:43:52]:
Well, first off, if you are pushing your husband to go see a coach such as you have to coerce him, he’s not ready.
Dr. Ray Doktor [00:44:02]:
No.
Lora Cheadle [00:44:03]:
So bottom line. And if you presented that to him many times and he’s still not saying yes to it, that’s what you’re working with. So the next way to go about it is no matter what, then you go to improve yourself. So you model the version that you’d be in a happy marriage anyway. Mhmm. Because these are things that can happen is that he’s curious of why you’re glowing and your body’s looking better anyway. Mhmm. He can also go to a place where he actually feels insecure about it and will throw things at you to bring you back to his misery.
Lora Cheadle [00:44:35]:
Mhmm. But over you’re aware of that and don’t play that game. Three, he recognizes that because of that new well-being, he actually is feeling less resistance with you, and then he becomes curious about seeing a coach or therapist. Okay?
Dr. Ray Doktor [00:44:51]:
Yes.
Lora Cheadle [00:44:51]:
And so that’s the best that we can do. However, if you are, like, looking for, like, literal things that you can say to a man to get him into therapy or coaching is that he needs to know what the benefits are. Bottom line.
Dr. Ray Doktor [00:45:05]:
I like that. Yes.
Lora Cheadle [00:45:07]:
Yeah. So if he hears it as, oh, god, and we’re talking about my childhood where my dad was always, like, on my ass, or or he might go, you know, I there’s just a lot of talking in, like, I don’t wanna leave there feeling bad to I don’t wanna have to admit that, like, I have unhealed trauma. The if you go about it that way, he might go, this is a lot of work. I don’t know how this is gonna make me feel better. So it might be becoming aware of how he’s living his life as far as how he shows up with his friends at work. You know, most women know that, you know, however he is with you, he’s shown up that way everywhere everywhere else as well. Right. So it might be kind of moving it from what’s happening with the marriage to, like, let’s say his name is Steve.
Lora Cheadle [00:45:54]:
You know, Steve, I feel in my body sometimes when, you know, you’re not really moving in that direction you want that it must not feel good. I I wish I can do something. Like, I just know that sometimes people really feel a lot better when they see a coach to you know I know I hear, Steve, it sounds like heavy work, but what if you’re carrying that every every day anyway and just with a couple of sessions, maybe you can lighten your load. And and, you know, if it lighten your load, you know, maybe we can go out and have, you know, better times. It’s like kinda like maybe draw on that bridge that it’s gonna move in a direction to create the life he wants, even like get a promotion.
Dr. Ray Doktor [00:46:35]:
Right. Right. Because you’re right. As you show up in one area of life, you also show up in other areas of life. And that’s what I loved when you were talking about, you know, you’re a life and relationship coach. They each have things to do with the other. It’s not just in isolation.
Lora Cheadle [00:46:50]:
Yes.
Dr. Ray Doktor [00:46:50]:
Yeah. Absolutely. The very last thing that I wanted to talk about and unpack a little bit more was that concept of wishful thinking. And it’s come up kind of a couple times tangentially and also, you know, by talking about wishful thinking. I think it’s important to have hope. I think it’s important to see to see our partner’s potential and to see the best in each other. But it’s also important to know when to draw the line and when to be like, I’m really sad. I’m there is potential in this person, and they’re not interested, and they’re not living up to it.
Dr. Ray Doktor [00:47:28]:
And all I can do is come back to my own potential and leaning into that. Do you have any words of wisdom around how much how much is too much, and how to circle back around to yourself, and to not get lost in living your life based on your partner’s possible potential?
Lora Cheadle [00:47:50]:
Well, particularly where I live, Ashland, Oregon, This is a community that’s more interested in processing rather than progress. And what I mean by that is they have a tendency to, like, always wanna talk about feelings, to if you share feedback, they might tell you how your feedback made them feel versus whether or not will help them or not. K? I’m bringing this up because traditional therapy is not so much about solutions. It’s about processing. That’s it. So a lot of times people will see me because I kinda give them a combination of the both where I’ll go into why a woman would remain in a relationship even though she knows that it’s going nowhere.
Dr. Ray Doktor [00:48:39]:
Mhmm.
Lora Cheadle [00:48:39]:
But to her learning that she kind of has she had, like, poor role models growing up and that, therefore, all she has known is men who are disconnected. But there’s gotta be a solution. And what I mean solution is that every woman needs to give themselves permission to have some timeline Mhmm. And become okay with that. As an example, you might say, I’m gonna give Tom six more months. You don’t have to tell Tom that.
Dr. Ray Doktor [00:49:13]:
No. And
Lora Cheadle [00:49:14]:
maybe that timeline will be a little flexible, but it’s where I recognize I need to work on myself first.
Dr. Ray Doktor [00:49:22]:
Yes.
Lora Cheadle [00:49:23]:
And because we’re we have kids, to whatever it is that you’ve built together, and I still like Tom as a friend. Right. So in the meantime, I recognize I will not allow myself to feel like a victim in this.
Dr. Ray Doktor [00:49:39]:
Yes.
Lora Cheadle [00:49:39]:
I will continue to do yoga, take walks, eat well, and I’ll trust that as I do coaching or I read more self help books and I take walks that I may have the better version of myself anyway. And as you continue to grow in increments, you’ll continue to, of course, look at your partner in different ways. You’ll have different opinions about it. And it might become more positive and you recognize more of that with your own. But if you recognize that, wait a minute. No. Even if it were my stuff or not, I’m not sure if I met Tom today, I would even date him.
Dr. Ray Doktor [00:50:15]:
Right.
Lora Cheadle [00:50:16]:
To, you know, what is it about me that will not accept him? And you recognize, wait a minute. Those are actual deal breakers to me today.
Lora Cheadle [00:50:24]:
Yes.
Lora Cheadle [00:50:24]:
Then you start recognizing, oh, he’s never I can I’m never gonna be able to get this cat to bark. Right. I’m never gonna be able to get this cat to bark. And then from that, you might go, okay. I think it’s time to end this. It’s just not working.
Dr. Ray Doktor [00:50:40]:
Yes. Yes. And I love the idea of a timeline because that does give you enough time to do the processing, but then to stop the processing at some point when you have enough information.
Lora Cheadle [00:50:54]:
Mhmm.
Dr. Ray Doktor [00:50:54]:
So where can listeners learn more about you?
Lora Cheadle [00:50:59]:
Well, they can learn more about me, go to by going to my website at rayd0kt0r. So it’s my last name, pronounced doctor, ray at ray doctor dot com. And from there, you can navigate to get to my book that’s called All It Takes Is One, drop your one big hidden belief and master your life, which is all about what we talked about. It there it’s kind of like a workbook as well where the there’s questions in there that will be very revealing for you to recognize, oh, this is why I maybe remain stuck. And when you drop that one big hidden belief, you’ll be able to move forward. You’ll have a different perspective. You’ll stop the self sabotaging. So that’s what it’s all about.
Lora Cheadle [00:51:48]:
And then I have so many videos on YouTube as well, and you can navigate there there as well, through my website or, you know, I’m sure you’ll maybe provide some of these links down below.
Dr. Ray Doktor [00:51:58]:
Yeah. Absolutely. Absolutely. All of his information will be below linked to his website, all of that stuff. So thank you so much for your time and your wisdom today. I think it was definitely appreciated by me, and I think the listeners are going to get a lot out of it as well.
Lora Cheadle [00:52:15]:
Thank you very much. I actually I just noticed your fireplace there.
Dr. Ray Doktor [00:52:18]:
Yeah. I love it. It’s a little chilly today, so I I gotta I gotta keep it warm. Yes. Yeah. Well, thank you listeners. Definitely check him out. Check out his book, his website, all that good stuff.
Dr. Ray Doktor [00:52:32]:
Have an amazing week. And as usual, always remember to flaunt exactly who you are because who you are is always more than enough.
Lora Cheadle [00:52:42]:
Life can really knock you down sometimes, especially after a tough breakup or when someone betrays your trust. It’s hard to remember your own value when the people who should have treasured you didn’t. But I’m here to tell you that loving yourself again is possible even after infidelity. It takes time and intentional effort, but it can be done. That’s where the mindful souls subscription box comes in. It’s like getting a monthly dose of me time delivered straight to your door. Inside, you’ll find all sorts of goodies, natural crystals, gorgeous gem jewelry, essential oils, and many other pampering tools. It’s a nice little reminder that, hey, you do deserve to feel good.
Lora Cheadle [00:53:29]:
I know that most of you are crazy busy. You’ve got a ton of people counting on you and taking care of yourself usually ends up at the bottom of your to do list, but that’s, what’s so great about this subscription. They don’t just deliver everything you need for your self care moments. They also give you real practical tips on how to make self care work for you no matter how hectic your life gets. I’ve been a diehard fan of the mindful box for a while now, so the mindful souls family sent me a special treat for all of you. If you use the discount code Laura twenty five, you’ll get 25% off your order. That’s l o r a 25. So head over to mindfulsouls.com and grab your box.
Lora Cheadle [00:54:18]:
Tune in next time to flaunt, find your sparkle, and create a life you love after infidelity or betrayal with Laura Cheadle every Wednesday at 7AM and 7PM Eastern Standard Time on syndicated DreamVision seven radio network. Uncover the truth of what’s possible for you on the other side of betrayal and develop the skills and strategies necessary to embrace the future and flourish today. Download your free betrayal recovery toolkit at betrayalrecoveryguide.com.