Infidelity and betrayal shatter your soul and leave you feeling broken, empty, and confused. But what if this shattering was an opportunity for the pain, toxicity, and everything that is not yours to escape your body? What if it was an opportunity for us to define who we were, and to come home to ourselves as we most authentically are? This show will shift your heart and your mind and will set you free from the pain, drama, and ruination of your partner’s affair so you can be free to live life your way.
FREE BONUS! Get a free healing practice that helps you to get everything that is not yours out of your body, so you can be free to embody yourself as you are. FREE when you sign up for my newsletter at www.BetrayalRecoveryCoach.com
- How do you come home to yourself when you don’t know who you are? Learn to define yourself authentically.
- Why a dark night of the soul is often the precursor to transformation and how to use your feelings of being broken as a bridge to grounded presence.
- The power of losing yourself so you can find yourself anew.
- How to be free from whatever it is that’s holding you back, so you can be free to do whatever is you most desperately want to do!
Get your Sparkle After Betrayal Recovery Guide and FREE hypnotic meditation, Embody Yourself when you sign up for my newsletter at www.BetrayalRecoveryCoach.com
About Lora: Author, speaker and Burnout & Betrayal Recovery Coach, Lora Cheadle help women rebuild their identity and self-worth so they can find the courage to claim what’s possible on the other side of betrayal.
Thank you to BetterHelp for sponsoring this podcast! Take charge of your mental health and get 10% off your first month of therapy at https://BetterHelp.com/FLAUNT
#Flaunt, Betrayal, Infidelity, Naked Self Worth, Confidence, Joy, Guidance, Recovery, Shattered, Healing, Identity, Self, Foundation, Joy, Satisfaction, Potential, Radio Show, Find Your Sparkle, Dream Vision Seven Radio, Free Guide, Women, Smart, Sexy, Spiritual, Empowerment, Stereotypes, Unshakable Self Worth, True Selves, Assertion
Questions & Answers From this Episode:
- Who is Lora Cheadle and what is her approach to betrayal recovery?
Lora Cheadle is a Betrayal Recovery coach who helps individuals regain their identity and self-worth after experiencing infidelity or betrayal. Her approach focuses on showing up unapologetically for oneself and building a solid foundation of identity and self.
- What is the perspective of “naked self worth” and how can it help in rebuilding oneself after betrayal?
The perspective of naked self-worth is about stripping away societal labels and stereotypes to assert one’s unshakable self-worth. It can help in rebuilding oneself after betrayal by allowing individuals to focus on their true selves and building a foundation of identity and self.
- What is Lora Cheadle’s radio show, and what is its focus?
Lora Cheadle’s radio show is called “Find Your Sparkle” and it airs on the Dream Vision Seven Radio network every Wednesday at 7:00 AM and 7:00 PM Eastern Time. Its focus is to help people who have experienced infidelity or betrayal develop self-worth and regain their confidence and joy.
- How can listeners access a free guide to recovery called the “Sparkle through Betrayal Recovery Guide”?
Listeners can download the “Sparkle through Betrayal Recovery Guide” for free at NakedSelfworth.com.
- Why is it important for women to be seen for who they are, rather than what they do, how they look or how they please others?
It is important for women to be seen for who they are because prevailing beliefs about what makes women worthy need to be disrupted. Women should be empowered to strip away societal labels and stereotypes and assert their own unshakable self-worth.
- What are some of the prevailing beliefs about what makes women worthy that need to be disrupted?
Prevailing beliefs about what makes women worthy include societal pressure to look a certain way, to please others, and to conform to traditional gender roles.
- What does it mean for women to be smart, sexy, and spiritual at the same time?
Being smart, sexy, and spiritual at the same time means that women can embrace their intelligence, their sensuality, and their spiritual beliefs without feeling that they have to choose between them.
- How can women assert their own unshakable self-worth and disrupt judgment and control from others?
Women can assert their own unshakable self-worth by stripping away societal labels and stereotypes and embracing their true selves. This can disrupt judgment and control from others by asserting their own autonomy and worth.
- How can betrayal upend one’s view of themselves and the world?
Betrayal can upend one’s view of themselves and the world by making them question their own worth and trust in others.
- What are some of the opportunities for growth that can arise from experiencing betrayal?
Some of the opportunities for growth that can arise from experiencing betrayal include rebuilding oneself on a solid foundation of identity and self, gaining freedom to heal and embody oneself confidently, and reaching one’s fullest potential.
Key Topics and Bullets:
– The podcast aims to help people create a life they love after experiencing betrayal or infidelity.
– The host acknowledges that many people have gone through difficult experiences, including betrayal by loved ones or struggles with their own bodies.
– The podcast offers a perspective of “naked self-worth” to help listeners regain confidence and find joy and enthusiasm for life.
– The podcast is aired weekly and promises to provide guidance on how to create a flourishing life.
Topic: Lora Cheadle, Betrayal Recovery coach
– Lora Cheadle offers support for those who have experienced infidelity or betrayal.
– Betrayal can uncover the truth of what’s possible for individuals once they stop focusing on what was done to them and start showing up unapologetically for themselves.
– Lora talks about the feeling of being shattered and how to gain the freedom to heal and embody oneself confidently.
– Losing oneself is normal, but there isn’t enough information out there on how to find oneself again.
– Betrayal can upend one’s view of themselves and the world, but it also offers the opportunity to rebuild everything on a solid foundation of identity and self.
– Building the foundation of who one is essential to achieving joy, satisfaction, and reaching one’s fullest potential.
Topic: “Find Your Sparkle” radio show
– Lora Cheadle hosts a radio show called “Find Your Sparkle” on the Dream Vision Seven Radio network.
– The show airs every Wednesday at 7:00 AM and 7:00 PM Eastern Time.
– The show is focused on helping people who have experienced infidelity or betrayal to develop self-worth and regain their confidence and joy.
– Listeners can download a free guide to recovery called the “Sparkle through Betrayal Recovery Guide” at NakedSelfworth.com.
Topic: Disrupting prevailing beliefs about women’s self-worth
– Women should be seen for who they are, rather than what they do, how they look or how they please others.
– Women can be smart, sexy, and spiritual at the same time.
– Prevailing beliefs about what makes women worthy need to be disrupted, and women should be empowered to strip away societal labels and stereotypes.
– When women flaunt their true selves, they disrupt judgment and control from others, and assert their own unshakable self-worth.
Speaker A [00:00:01]:
You’re listening to Flaunt. Find your sparkle and create a life you love after infidelity or Betrayal. Have you been betrayed by life, your body, or someone that you love? You’re not alone. No matter what you’ve been through. Naked self worth helps you regain confidence, joy, and enthusiasm so you can create a life you love and flourish. Tune in weekly and learn how.
Speaker B [00:00:24]:
Hello and welcome to Flaunt. Find your sparkle and create a life you love after infidelity or Betrayal. I’m Lora Cheadle, attorney and Betrayal Recovery coach, who believes the Betrayal uncovers the truth of what’s possible for us once we stop focusing on what was done to us and start showing up unapologetically for ourselves.
I would love to connect with you and see how I can best support you on your Betrayal recovery journey so you can understand what really happened and you can heal from this trauma faster. And you can heal from this trauma faster. Skipping the mistakes, pain and obsessive thoughts that plagued me during my own Betrayal Recovery journey. Today we are going to talk about being shattered and how to gain the freedom to heal so you can embody yourself confidently as you are despite everything that you’re going through.
And because I feel so strongly about the power of embodying yourself fully and healing fully from Betrayal. If you sign up for my newsletter, not only will you get your sparkle after Betrayal Recovery Guide, but I will also send you a free hypnotic meditation that will take you through a healing practice that will help you heal that feeling of being shattered and will allow you to fully and freely embody yourself without judgment, fear or shame. To sign up and get your guide and your meditation, go to betrayalrecoverycoach.com www.betrayalrecoverycoach.com or DM me on social media and I will get it to you right away.
Okay, so let’s get into the show here. Let’s talk about that feeling of being shattered, embodying yourself and finding the freedom to be who you are if you’re anything like me and how I was. When I found out that my husband had been cheating on me with five different women for a total of 15 years, I felt like my entire heart and soul were shattered and crushed.
I literally had a hard time figuring out what was true, what was not true. I lost trust in myself, in the world, in everything, because everything that I had known to be true, suddenly I was finding out were not really true.
And I didn’t know how I was going to move on. I didn’t know how I was going to take the next breath sometimes, let alone figure out how to navigate a future for myself or for my kids. And since divorce wasn’t on my radar, it was kind of like, oh my gosh, how am I going to figure all of that out? And finances and telling people it was just completely overwhelming. And the sensation that I had was that I fell out of my body. Perhaps you can relate to that. But it was too painful to be in my body. I felt like I needed to escape, to get out, to make it go away. And I was desperate just to be free to be myself again. It wasn’t that I necessarily wanted everything to be back to normal, quote unquote normal, whatever that was.
But it was just that I wanted to have the freedom to not have to deal with everything all at the same time. I just wanted to have the freedom to make dinner, to go to bed, to see clients, to plan my children’s graduation party, to do all of these things. I wanted to be free from the pain so I could be free to live my life. And it’s my guess that you can understand that as well, that you just want to be free from this pain. You want to be free from this nightmare.
You want to be free from all of this stuff, from this whole world so you can get back to being yourself. And that’s what I want to talk about today because when I coach people, one of the things that we start talking about and working with is identity and figuring out who they are. And while it might sound really simplistic, like, well, I am myself, of course.
What do you mean, figuring out who I am? I want to ask you this. Have you ever said or thought, I don’t know what I want to do when I grow up? I don’t really know who I am anymore? Most of us have, and that’s common. The reason we have the whole phrase midlife crisis is because people go through midlife crises. The reason we have the phrase quarter life crisis thank you, John Mayer is because that’s a thing. People have dark nights of the soul. It’s actually a normal and expected precursor to transformation.
So if it’s normal, if a dark night of the soul is an expected and normal precursor to transformation, and it’s normal that we lose ourselves. We lose ourselves in marriage, we lose ourselves in our job, we absolutely lose ourselves in motherhood. If that’s normal, then why isn’t there more information out there on how to find yourself again? Because losing yourself is normal, but somehow finding yourself is something that we don’t honor as a society.
Yes, self help has become more popular, especially among women. Yes, there’s more conversation right now about mental health and things like that, and that’s all good, but the bottom line is throughout the course of a lifetime, we are going to lose ourselves multiple times. And unless we know how to find ourselves, we’re never going to be truly free to thrive unless we find ourselves. And we know the process of finding ourselves and we figure it out. We’re never going to get ahead. We’re never going to thrive and reach our fullest potential because we’re always going to be building an identity on shaky ground. So here’s the thing about betrayal.
When I was saying earlier, the betrayal completely upended my view of myself and the world. It completely pulled the rug out from under me in all ways. That’s devastating. Yes. And because it took everything away, because I lost everything, it also gave me the opportunity to rebuild everything, to rebuild everything on a very solid foundation of identity, a very solid foundation of self. And that’s what all relationships, careers, personal joy, everything that we want is built on a foundation of self. Because I can’t relate to somebody else until I know unequivocally who I am. I can’t lead and excel in my career until I know unequivocally who I am. I can’t parent or be a friend or do anything until I know who I am.
And bottom line is, I also can’t find my own joy and satisfaction until I know who I am. Because otherwise I’m going to waste all of this time and energy reaching and seeking what I think I’m supposed to reach for and what I think I’m supposed to seek. And then what’s going to happen is I’m going to have that sensation that everything’s a little bit disappointing, everything’s a little bit anticlimactic. Have you ever had that experience? Have you ever worked for something and then gotten it and been like, well, that was actually a little bit disappointing.
I remember when I graduated from law school having that sensation. I had worked really hard for three years in law school. I had spent a year before doing the LSAT and applying for law to law school. This was a big endeavor. And I remember the morning of my graduation ceremony thinking, you know, I thought this was going to be more exciting. I thought this was going to feel better, and it was a nice ceremony and I enjoyed it. But I didn’t have that sense of joy, of real internal pride and satisfaction. It it felt a little bit hollow to me. And it’s my guess that you have probably had a similar situation where you just feel a little empty, where you just can’t quite connect, where things just don’t feel the way that you think they should feel.
And if you’ve had that situation, what I want to say to you is, first, you’re totally normal. We all have. And second, that’s because that thing that we were going for, that thing that we were reaching for, was not really something that we authentically wanted for ourselves. It was something that maybe we were doing for others or we were doing because we thought we were supposed to, but it just wasn’t fully, deeply, richly authentically us. And that’s what I’m talking about when I talk about building the foundation of who you are.
When you know exactly who you are, then you can start embodying yourself as you are. And in case you don’t know the word embody. It’s literally just being in your body, having your sense of self be inside your body, not outside your body. And when I was describing how I felt when I found out about my husband’s betrayals, I didn’t feel like I was in my body. There was a part of me that felt like I was seeing it from the outside. I was seeing myself crumble on the floor. My heart, I jumped out of my body. I was in this panic up in my head. It was like I was my thoughts, I was my thoughts, I was my panic, I was my pain, but I was not my body. I was not my breath. I was not grounded presence. And from that state of nervous system activation of panic where I was not present, I could not think, I could not be, I could not solve problems.
I couldn’t come home to myself. And you can’t come home to yourself if you don’t know who you are. How am I supposed to come home to myself when I don’t know who I am? And in that moment that was okay. It was okay to dissociate. It was okay. I’m laughing because I’m struggling how to say it? It was okay to have my nervous system activated, let’s put it that way. Because it was because we can’t control our bodies and our nervous systems all the time. We are going to be frightened by something. A bear is going to run at us, a car is going to run a red light. Somebody is going to say something shocking. We are going to learn about the death of somebody and our nervous systems respond because that’s what they’re there for.
They are there to respond. They are there to put us into fight so we can survive flight, so we can run and survive, freeze, so we can freeze and hide and survive. So the goal is not to control your nervous system at all times because the nervous system kicks in before conscious thought kicks in, so we can stay alive. So the goal is to recognize and honor that in that discovery moment, in that discovery time frame, it is completely normal and expected to be activated and panicked and out of body. Because who wants to feel all of that pain in their body? Not me. Not you. Nobody wants to do that. But the goal is to return to grounded presence.
A when it is safe to do so and b when we are comfortable and capable of doing that, so we can continue to build our lives, so we can continue to find joy and feel good and so we can be free to be ourselves. It’s all about that freedom to be ourselves in a non activated, non panic state. So we are free to be in grounded presence because grounded presence is where the joy is at. Grounded presence is where the joy is at. It’s where you connect with your kids, your animals, your friends, your family, your loved one, your partner. It’s where you have those AHA moments and things click into place either professionally or personally.
Grounded presence is how you feel after taking a walk on the beach, a hike through the woods, after a really good yoga session. Grounded presence is where it’s all at. And how you get grounded presence is by being free to embody yourself. You get grounded presence by being free to embody yourself. And when you’re in a nervous system activation state, when you’re in panic, when you’re in trauma, when you’re in fight, flight or free, you can’t embody yourself. And that’s what this show is going to be about, is being free from that pain, that trauma, that activation.
So you can be free to embody yourself. Invite in grounded presence and feel the joy and the connection that you crave, that you deserve. So you can come home to yourself, because you know yourself. So you can figure out who you are and what you want. So you can feel that joy in moments both big and small and not always be struggling to get things done, struggling to manage, struggling to maintain, surviving but not thriving.
And I mentioned shattering, we’re going to come back to that, but I want you to hold that. So this is a lot, but it’s also vitally important to joy. So let’s start from where you’re at now. Because where you’re at now is truly the only place that you can be.
I invite you to scan yourself. It doesn’t matter if you’re driving or operating heavy machinery, you can stay present with what you’re doing. But I also invite you just to scan yourself and just to notice where your attention is, where your presence is. Do you feel like you’re in your head? You’re in driving mode, you’re in heavy machinery operation mode. You’re in your head, you’re focused, you’re learning, you’re thinking, you’re writing, you’re doing.
Or are you in your body? Are you in a running mode or a walking mode? Are you feeling something in your body? Are your pants too tight? Are your heels too high? Are you feeling something in your body? Are you in body mode? Are you in heart mode? Are you feeling, do you feel like this soft wave of stuff around you? Where are you? And your answer might be, you know what, there’s a part of me that’s in my head.
There’s definitely a little piece of me that’s in my low back right now because that hurts and I’m thinking about my new puppy. So there’s a piece of me that’s in my heart. That’s great. We can be in more than one place at the same time. The purpose of asking you to do this is just to get you used to identifying and feeling the difference of where you’re at. And sometimes you might be far, far away, you might be like, wow, I feel like I’m on the ceiling. I feel like I’m over there in that tree kind of looking in on things. I feel very disconnected. I feel very dissociated from myself. I’m talking to people, and I can’t really even process what they’re saying. I’m just responding on autopilot.
How are you? Fine. Great. Whatever. I’m lost in thoughts or I’m lost in somewhere, but I’m not really here. And I know you’ve had that experience because we all have where we’re here, but we’re not really here. So once you’ve identified where you’re at, I invite you to notice if it feels safe to come back into your body a little bit. It might not feel safe to come back into your body, and that’s okay. It might feel like I am so broken and shattered right now that if I come back into my body, I’m going to want to die. It feels that bad. Not literally, metaphorically. I don’t feel good. I don’t feel like I want to be in my body. It feels too painful to be in my body. Just notice it doesn’t feel safe to go back into my body right now because it feels too painful.
My heart is broken. My soul is shattered, and I don’t want to be there. I need to compartmentalize. I need to get to work. I need to take care of my kids, and I need to figure this out. I need to compartmentalize, and I need to move on. Wonderful. It’s about having the awareness. Or you might feel safe enough to come back into your body right now. Or you might want to come back to this podcast again after you’ve listened to the whole show and then go through it and try to come into your body.
And if and when it feels safe to come into your body, feel what that feels like to come home to you, to let your presence move within, to feel what it is that you’re feeling and to embody yourself. And as you embody yourself, you will start noticing where it feels right and where there’s some dissonance, where you’re like, this isn’t quite working. This isn’t quite right. Something is off. Have you ever worn jeans? They’re a little too small. Have you ever put those jeans on after the summer and been like, whoa, what happened? That feeling of being squeezed or maybe put on shoes that suddenly don’t fit, that’s the feeling you get when you try to embody yourself with somebody else’s energy.
When I was practicing law, I had this idea of what a lawyer was, what a lawyer looked like, about how a lawyer should act, and about how a really intelligent person who knew what they were doing should act. And there were times where I would embody somebody else. It’s the epitome of faking it until you make it. I’d be like, I don’t really know that, but I’m going to act like somebody who knows and I would fake it.
There were times, there are still times where I walk into a situation and it feels really awkward and I don’t know what to do with my arms or my face or my body. And it’s like you shift and you kind of grab your purse and you move over here, and then it’s like, oh, I’m just going to check my phone. Those fidgety moments of where we’re not sure how we’re supposed to be, those are times, again, when we are not really fully embodied.
We’re trying to embody a persona that is not who we are. We’re trying to embody an identity that doesn’t fit. We’re trying to embody somebody else’s idea of who we are, what we’re supposed to be. And that’s what creates impostor syndrome. Instead of being an elementary school teacher, being the elementary school we think being instead of I’m recording, I’ll come up when I’m done. Oh, okay. Instead of being the elementary school teacher we are, we try to be the elementary school teacher we think we should be. Instead of being the attorney I was, I tried to be the attorney that I thought that I should be. And then when we do that, we never are free to really find that grounded presence and to be who we are. We’re not free to be comfortable.
We’re not free to be confident. Confidence is something that so many of us want and we struggle with and we strive for. And here’s the thing. When we embody who we are, we’re confident. When we’re trying to be somebody we’re not, we’re not confident.
Confidence has very little to do with skills and abilities and all of that stuff. And it has everything to do with embodiment and presence and embodying who we are. And when we don’t know who we are, how do we know how to embody it so that’s that rebuilding of that identity. And like I said earlier, I think the key to everything is learning how to figure out who you are, learning how to recreate your identity time and time and time again.
Because we will lose our selves. And once we develop the skill of finding ourselves and rebuilding ourselves, it doesn’t matter how many times we get knocked over, we know how to pick ourselves back up. And isn’t that really the key? I mean, think about the big fear of, if I try to work things out with my partner, what if they cheat again? What you’re really saying is, can I pick myself up again? Of course. We don’t want that to happen.
Oh, my God. Nobody wants to. But what I want for you is the knowledge that no matter what happens, you can find yourself again. That no matter what happens, you have the freedom to embody yourself as you are. So you can feel that joy and that presence all the time, whenever you want it. So you always can come home to yourself. Knowing full well that who we are changes because we grow, we develop, we mature. I have a chapter in my book.
My book is called Flaunt. Drop your Cover and Reveal your smart, Sexy and spiritual self. And I absolutely think you should get it, by the way, because it’s going to help you. It’s just flat out going to help you. But I have a chapter in there called Evolving Avatars, and it’s about the progression of life and how we mature and we grow and we develop and we change the way we think and we change the way we believe. But we’re all evolving and we’re all keeping pieces of who we are going forward, and we’re always shedding layers going forward and how there is so much stress and tension that comes from this belief that we can never change, that we have become something that that is it.
And it’s really like saying, I had this great outfit when I was six and I am going to wear it forevermore because it really felt like me. It felt like you in the moment. But we grow, we change. We need new clothes. We need new shoes. Our bodies change, styles change, our preferences change, our comfort level changes. And it’s how to evolve and keep all the important pieces and let go of the pieces that need letting go of because otherwise it is very similar to just keeping somebody just piling outfits on.
Okay, these shorts work, but now I’m going to put the yoga pants on over that. And now it’s winter, so now I’m going to put a sweater on and now I need a coat. But now it’s summer, so I’m going to put the swim trunks on over the yoga pants. And it doesn’t work that way. We need to shed layers. We need to evolve with the seasons.
We need to evolve, keep the parts of us that are us and let the rest go. And yes, that can feel scary, but it’s also incredibly empowering because suddenly you will start feeling free. You will start feeling comfortable. You will start feeling confident. You will no longer have that feeling of, am I doing the right thing? Am I wearing the right thing? Am I saying the right thing? Because you’re comfortable with who you are, and you are free just to be you, unapologetically, without shame. Oh my gosh, my partner cheated on me. What are people going to think about me? Without fear, without judgment. And living like that, let me just tell you, is truly what it’s all about. So I had said at the beginning of the show, and
I’m going to say it again right now, that when you sign up for my newsletter, not only will you get your sparkle after Betrayal recovery guide, but you are also going to get a free meditation, a hypnotic meditation that will guide you through the healing practice of embodying yourself. And that practice, I’ll walk you through it now and then you can listen to it once you download it. And how you do that is you go to betrayalrecoverycoach.com. So betrayalrecoverycoach.com put in your name and address. You’ll get the guide immediately and then I will shoot you an email sending you this downloadable hypnotic meditation on how to embody yourself. But here’s how the practice goes. Just so you know what you are signing up for and you know how good it is.
What it is, is it walks you through this visualization of seeing yourself as a glass shell. A glass shell that is completely see through because it’s empty. So it’s like you’re a glass bottle in the shape of you. And then as you breathe, you are going to start thinking about all of your attributes, all of your beliefs, all of your ideals, everything that makes you you. And as you breathe those in, you start filling yourself up with who you are. And that is how we embody ourselves. That is how we fill ourselves up with who you are. So you are going to breathe in all of those things.
And here’s where it gets interesting. Some of those things that you think are you aren’t really you. Spoiler alert. They have come from society, your family beliefs that somebody else has given you. And when all of a sudden you start breathing in the idea of whatever it is, it’s not going to fit in you because it’s not yours. And either it’s like the puzzle piece that doesn’t fit. You’re going to be breathing in something, but the vessel that is you won’t allow it.
So either it won’t go in or when it comes in, it pokes out of you and it doesn’t look right. It’s poking out. And as you do that process, you will start realizing and seeing, yeah, this is me, this is not me. This used to be me. That whole evolving Avatars concept from that chapter in my book, this is who I used to be, but it’s no longer who I am. You’ll start seeing this religion no longer fits. This job no longer fits. This belief, this ideology no longer fits. It’s interesting because there is so much talk in the media and in the world right now about culture change, both with a positive spin and with a negative spin. We talk about culture change within an organization and that’s positive.
Like okay, we’re going to change the culture, we’re going to bring in a better work life balance, blah blah, blah, blah blah. But then there’s also people on the other side of that who are like no it’s not going to work. And the idea around that is how are people going to fit into this system? We’ve created this system where everybody works nine to five, Monday through Friday and that’s the system and we fit into it. And there’s not a lot of integration with work life. It’s you do your time you get your paycheck, blah, blah, blah. And now there’s these new ideas, like a four day work week, or a flex time, or unlimited PTO, or working from home. And everybody goes, how is that going to work? And what they’re really asking is, how is that going to fit? Because the vessel of the system was not designed for that.
So either we can’t change anything because the vessel of the system is what it is, we have to change that vessel a little bit to allow things to fit. And that’s what you will be doing during this meditation. You’re bringing things in and you’re like, this doesn’t quite fit anymore. I need to adjust it around if I’m going to bring this belief in, what do I need to let go of?
Because the vessel that is my body, it’s not fitting. And that’s a process that can be done in the moment and it can also be done again and again and again over time. And then once you do that, once you start releasing what’s not fitting, the next step is identifying and seeing where those cracks are. Either cracks that have come from shoving something in that doesn’t fit, or cracks that have come from darts that have been thrown at you. Painful words that have been shot at you. Betrayal is a stab in the back. Your energetic vessel probably has stab marks up the back because you were stabbed in the back. Your heart area is probably shattered. Your head probably has shatters. And it’s literally as if your body were a glass vessel and things were thrown at you. Softballs on the shoulder, darts to the heart, stabs in the back, and it shattered that vessel.
So you can be shattered from the outside by people throwing things and doing things to you. And you can be shattered from the inside out by horrible things you say or believe about yourself. By continuing to shove in a belief or a thought that no longer serves who you are. You can shatter yourself from the inside out, and people can shatter you from the outside in. And this might come as a shock. Sit with us. The shattering is not the problem.
The shattering is not the problem. You are a vessel made of glass because you’re supposed to shatter and you’re supposed to break. And here is why. When you shatter, when you break, when you crack, think about all of those phrases that we say in everyday life. I’m about to crack. When you crack, it lets the poison seep out. When you break, it allows space for things to fall out that no longer need to be there.
People keep saying, I don’t want to break, I don’t want to crack. Oh, my God. Please break. Please break. Please open up and let that stuff go. Please crack so the poison can seep out, so the toxins can leave your body. If you were unbreakable that stuff. Would stay in. That stuff that you’ve created with your mind would stay in. Please break, please shatter, please crack and please let it go. Spend some time letting that flow out of you, restoring yourself to perfect balance, to a place where you are healthy and you are whole and you are complete and you are free from toxins, free from all that no longer serves your best interest and highest good, free from other people’s judgments, free from your own insecurity and stress and pain.
Free from all of that stuff that has been put on us as women, by the patriarchy, by society, by schools, by churches, by government, by people, by whatever it is. Oh my gosh, break yourself free from your narcissistic partner, from the wounds of others. What do you need to be free from when you were broken and shattered? That is your chance.
Being shattered is a gift. Being shattered is an invitation. It’s an invitation to reclaim your confidence, to rebuild your identity and to remember your worth. Being shattered is an invitation. Are you going to accept that invitation?
Are you going to reclaim your confidence so you can move forward with the freedom to enjoy and express and build the kind of life and relationships that you want? So you can feel fully connected and present and joyful all the time, even when something disrupts you, because you know how to rebuild yourself. Because you know that any dark night of the soul is just the precursor to transformation. Are you going to rebuild that identity? Are you going to reclaim your worth? Or are you going to let the person who betrayed you win? I mean, that’s the other side of the equation. That is the non talked about other side of the equation.
Are you going to do it for you or are you going to let them win? Because if you let them win, I mean, first of all, I, as a lawyer, really like the idea of justice. And if harm was done to me, I want to be compensated and I want to be better off. At the end of the day, in legal terms, it’s damages. I want damages. If I was harmed, I want damages because I want to make myself whole. And because of the pain and suffering that I went through, I want to be a little bit more than whole too. I get pain and suffering. I get damages for that.
And as a betrayal recovery coach, that’s what I want for you too. You’ve been damaged. I want you made whole. I want you to be compensated for this pain and suffering by becoming more, by becoming better, by really finally owning it, by being able to reclaim your confidence, rebuild your identity, remember your self worth. I want you to embody yourself because that’s the big prize at the end of the day here, is learning how to embody yourself so you can be free to be you so you no longer have to dance around and pretend and smile and put up with things. So you don’t have to tolerate anymore. You don’t have to tolerate a bad marriage or an unfaithful partner or that disappointment. Who here has felt that disappointment? That this isn’t what I signed up for.
That’s What I want for you is for you to be free. To move beyond that, for you to be free to claim what you want, for you to be free to claim who you are. For you to be free. To come home to exactly who you are and to live with that uninhibited freedom and joy now and always, no matter what comes your way.
Definitely download this healing practice. I’ve walked you through the basic steps about what we will do but it is really powerful to gift yourself the time and the space to do it. To turn off your phone. To find a comfortable space where you can just sit back and relax and allow me to take you by the hand and lead you through this journey of embodiment, where you can visualize the toxins and the pain and all of that stuff, seeping out of those cracks of those wounds.
So you can visualize yourself breathing in more of who you are and embodying yourself and becoming who you are. It’s truly a powerful gift and I urge you, I really urge you to take it. Betrayalrecoverycoach.com www.betrayalrecoverycoach.com not only will you get the sparkle after Betrayal Recovery Guide, but you will also get this meditation. And yes, it is for a limited time and you will not want to miss it.
And here’s really the beautiful thing too that I want to leave you with around embodying yourself in confidence and identity and the word flaunt. Because as you know, everything that I do is centered around the five steps of flaunt. And sometimes people have the idea that flaunt is like being boastful and putting it in your face and not caring what other people think because I am going to do it. And what I want to say is, to me, flaunting is about truly embodying yourself and being confident and comfortable in that. And that when people are boasting and bragging and in your face and yeah, you don’t like it, I can do what I want.
That’s a cover for a lack of confidence. That is a cover for something else that’s going on. Because when you’re truly confident, you’re serene. When you’re truly flaunting who you are, you have respect for others and you act with decorum because you understand appropriateness. And that cohesion. I cuss in my everyday life, I would not go to a preschool and cuss. I would not go into a courtroom and cuss. I would not go into a business meeting and cuss because I understand context and because I’m comfortable.
I’m comfortable making myself appropriate for the situation while also embodying who I am. I know who I am. I know when I’m at home or when I’m with friends, I can relax and drop an F bomb if it’s appropriate for the situation. I’m not doing it. Sometimes how, like, a teenager will start cussing by, like they’re in your face and every other word is the F word and you’re like, oh, my God, pull all this together. Why are you acting this way? They’re acting that way because it’s a persona, it’s a facade. It’s something they’re putting on to act cool, and they’re not embodying it.
And that’s the distinction that I wanted to draw for you around the word flaunt and embodiment and what this practice is about. It’s about being so comfortable who you are that you can be somebody else, too, if the need arises. And what I mean by that is I am so comfortable being myself that I can be extra sweet and kind and patient at a preschool. It’s about being so comfortable with who I am as myself that I can be more restrained and dignified in court or in a business meeting because I have no problem stepping back and allowing other people to take the lead. It’s about being so comfortable and confident in myself that I can get up and teach a fitness or a yoga class, which I do with or without makeup. It doesn’t matter for me. I’m comfortable. It means that I can get up on stage and give a corporate keynote, and I can also get up on stage and do a burlesque number because I’m so comfortable and confident in myself that I can straddle all extremes because I know how to embody those extremes in a way that is comfortable for me.
And that’s what I want for you, is for you to be so comfortable and confident in yourself that you also know how to embody all extremes. Because you know how to do it, because it doesn’t threaten who you are, because you know who you are and because you know that nobody else has the right to define who you are. Nobody else has the right to define who you are. But the flip side of that is you’ve got to define who you are. And unless and until you begin defining who you are, you do leave yourself subject to other people coming in and thinking they know better.
And then because we like to be liked, we like to be nice, then we let other people do that, and then we lose our freedom. So like I said, this show has been all about freedom. The freedom to define ourselves, the freedom to embody ourselves, the freedom to shatter ourselves and to allow ourselves to be shattered, and the freedom to release that toxin, that poison that is within, and to recreate ourselves over and over and over again.
I can’t wait for you to do this guided hypnotic meditation. It is powerful, and it will help you define exactly who you are Betrayalrecoverycoach.com sign up. You will get the guided meditation and you will get the Sparkle After Betrayal Recovery Guide so you can be free to define yourself as you most authentically are in this moment and in every moment to come. Have an amazing week and as usual, always remember to flaunt exactly who you are, because who you are is always more than enough.
Speaker C [00:55:23]:
I believe that women deserve to be seen for who they are, not for what they do, what they look like, what they sacrifice, how well they please, or who they are in relation to others. I believe that being smart, sexy and spiritual are not mutually exclusive concepts and that women everywhere are tired of pretending that they are. I believe that it is time to disrupt our prevailing beliefs around what makes women worthy. It is time to empower all women to strip out of the labels, roles, scripts, judgments and stereotypes that have been thrust upon them by a patriarchal society. Imagine a world where every woman has naked self worth and validates values and shows herself without fear or shame for who she is, instead of striving to be who she thinks she should be. Imagine how unstoppable beautiful and free our world could be.
Imagine being free to live life on your own terms, waking up every day with enthusiasm for what’s to come, experiencing joy in spite of any external circumstance, and falling into bed at night with the rich satisfaction of a life well lived. When we flaunt, we disrupt the silence around judgment, stereotypes, and the way others control us through the intentional mischaracterization of who we really are and what we value. When we flaunt, we are clear that the judgment of others says everything about the quality of their character and nothing about the worthiness of our own. When we flaunt, we are no longer complicit in any untruth and we stand clear in our identity and powerful in our own unshakable naked self worth.
Speaker A [00:58:00]:
Tune in next time to flaunt. Find your sparkle and create a life you love after Infidelity or Betrayal with radio host and live choreographer Lora Cheadle every Wednesday at 07:00 A.m. And 07:00 p.m.. Eastern Time on syndicated Dream Vision Seven Radio network. Develop naked self worth and reclaim your confidence, enthusiasm and joy so you can create a life you love and embrace who you are today. Download your free sparkle through Betrayal recovery Guide at Naked Selfworth.com.