In this episode, we’ll explore the transformative power of positivity and the importance of maintaining hope in the face of adversity. We’ll uncover how negative thinking can hold us back and how embracing a mindset of gratitude and hope can lead to incredible growth and healing, especially after experiencing infidelity or betrayal.
I’ll also share insights on how to navigate the fear of your partner cheating again and how the power of trusting yourself diminishes that fear. Plus, I’ll offer valuable tips on reclaiming yourself, finding joy, and creating the relationships you desire. So, grab your favorite cup of tea and get ready to reignite your inner fire and inspire you to create a life you love.
Top take-a-ways
- Hope is what makes life worth living: Without hope, life can feel dark and hopeless. Yes, life is full of risks, and you will be hurt or disappointed. Would you rather live in fear of how bad things might be, or would you rather live with a sense of gratitude and hope?
- Gratitude breeds positivity: Focusing on gratitude allows us to appreciate the positives in life and attract more positivity. Notice and appreciate the good things, even in the midst of difficult situations and you will be more likely to turn your lemons into lemonaide.
- Break free of negative narratives: Be cautious about consuming narratives that perpetuate bitterness and cynicism. Trust yourself and your journey, and focus on building a healthy, happy relationship with yourself and others.
Sparkle After Betrayal Recovery Guide at www.BetrayalRecoveryGuide.com, a guide designed to help you take the first steps in feeling better, so you can reclaim your power, own your worth, and start putting yourself, and your life, back together again. Learn More & Apply Here! www.AffairRecoveryForWomen.com
About Lora:
Attorney, speaker and Burnout & Betrayal Recovery Coach, Lora Cheadle believes that betrayal uncovers the truth of what’s possible when we stop focusing on what was done to us and start showing up unapologetically for ourselves. She helps women rebuild their identity and self-worth after infidelity so they can reclaim (or find for the very first time) their confidence, clarity, and connection to source and create their own kind of happily ever after.
Thank you to BetterHelp for sponsoring this podcast! Take charge of your mental health and get 10% off your first month of therapy at https://BetterHelp.com/FLAUNT
Untangle yourself from the past, reclaim your power, and own your worth so you can create a future you love on your own terms. All with a wink and a smile! Learn more at www.loracheadle.com and follow me across all social!
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Purchase Lora’s book, FLAUNT! Drop Your Cover and Reveal Your Smart, Sexy & Spiritual Self on Amazon, IndieBound or wherever books are sold.
Transcript
Narrator [00:00:01]:
You’re listening to FLAUNT!, find your sparkle, and create a life you love after infidelity or Have you been betrayed by life, your body, or someone that you love? You’re not alone. No matter what you’ve been through, naked self worth helps you regain confidence, joy, and enthusiasm so you can create a life you love and flourish. Tune in weekly and learn how.
Lora Cheadle [00:00:31]:
Are you ready to breakthrough And find out what’s possible for you on the other side of betrayal? If you were tired of the anguish, The pain, the confusion, the overwhelm, or the obsessive thoughts, Then reach out. Schedule your 1 on 1 hour long breakthrough call, And together, we will figure out what you need to do to break through and get to the other side of betrayal. During our time together, you can explain what’s going on with you. Together, we will figure out what it is that’s blocking you, Whether it’s your partner’s stubbornness or inability to move forward on the same page as you, mindset, Finances, concern about your kids, whatever it is, together, we will figure out what that block is, And then we will put together a strategy so you can move ahead step by step and get to the other side of betrayal Without overwhelm, without confusion, without being distracted and losing focus And wasting time, money, or your valuable energy. Isn’t it time for you to get where you want to be? On the other side of this horrific situation, looking back with peace and perspective. When we get together, not only will you have that 1 on 1 hour long Zoom call with me, but we’ll also record it So everything will be memorialized, and you always will have something to go back to so you know your own personalized plan. And you will also receive 30 minutes of follow-up Voxer support with me so you won’t lose track, So you won’t get derailed. And so if you need something adjusted, together, we will be able to adjust it.
Lora Cheadle [00:02:47]:
To schedule your appointment, go to betrayalrecoveryguide.com and click on the pop up link, Or reach out, Loralora@lora cheadlelora sheadle.com, and let’s get you scheduled. I can’t wait to help you Step back into your power and reclaim your identity, self worth, and create exactly The kind of life that you love. Hello, and welcome to FLAUNT!. Create a life you love After infidelity or betrayal. I’m Lora Cheadle. And today, we are going to talk about the intersection between hope and gratitude and positivity. And at the same time, I really want to make sure we address toxic Positivity because toxic positivity is actually one of the most negative things that is out there. So how this is coming about? First of all, it is coming up on Thanksgiving in the United States, So there’s obviously a lot of discussion around gratitude and thankfulness.
Lora Cheadle [00:04:12]:
And I really think gratitude is important, and I really think being thankful is important because It allows us to look in the direction that we want to go. Yes. It’s really important to acknowledge what you have And to be happy with what you have, because when you have things that you like, you take care of them. When you have things that you like, you enjoy them, and it’s really important to take care of things because when you take care of them, chances are they multiply, and it’s also really important to enjoy things. But I think the most important part about gratitude and being thankful is it really focuses your attention on what it is that you want to look And when it comes to healing from infidelity or betrayal, I think it’s super, super important to make sure you know the direction that you’re going in. Now I said that the first thing that kinda brought this up was the fact We’ve got American Thanksgiving coming up soon. But more importantly, what really Brought this topic to light was I have just gotten done reading the book, cheating in a nutshell. And, of course, I’m losing the author’s name right now, but it’s it’s a good book.
Lora Cheadle [00:05:48]:
It’s kind of a compilation of letters that people have written into some people who did a self help column. And then it’s how those people put together these categories of letters around infidelity, And then they have their advice. Now there’s some great advice in there. There’s some great Statistics in there, but it’s also very cynical. And it is very skewed, I believe, towards Walk away. Protect yourself. Oh my gosh. Once a cheater, always a cheater.
Lora Cheadle [00:06:30]:
And one of the things that they do is they Talk about cheating in terms of it being almost like a violent Act and it is a violent act. I’m not gonna lie about that. But then they talk about it in terms of you wouldn’t have Somebody who assaults you physically or beats you or rapes you, you wouldn’t ask the victim To then go forward and live with their attacker. And while I understand the point. You wouldn’t have a victim go make nice and forgive the attacker and take care of the attacker and And do all of this stuff, and you wouldn’t expect the victim to just be totally, yep, everything’s perfect and wonderful, and I’m so happy. There’s just so much in that book that was missed. And, again, this is to my way of thinking. I think it’s really valuable to ground yourself in a reality.
Lora Cheadle [00:07:34]:
And I feel like that book is a big dose of reality. It’s a big dose of statistics that are not very favorable. But you know what? Look at the world. If you wanna look at statistics, we live in a really high risk world. There’s a lot of really bad stuff that, statistically speaking, probably is gonna happen, Whether it’s a car accident or, you know, some sort of financial ruin or losing people that you love or losing a job or, You know, dying of cancer or having some horrible, you know, heart disease or some other disease take you out, The chances of people, like, outliving their money and being broken and crippled and destitute, I mean, there’s, like, so much bad stuff that’s out there. The chances of just people getting divorced, the chances of people never finding someone, the chances of A baby being born stillborn or a view miscarrying or like, if you really just look at all of the high risk statistics, Oh my god. Who would ever wanna live this life? Who would wanna come into an Earth where, you know, the climate is changing and we’re having all of these natural disasters. And we’ve had 1 pandemic, and they say, oh, now, you know, chances are there’s gonna be another pandemic, and, oh, we’re on the brink of a world war.
Lora Cheadle [00:09:06]:
And, oh, I mean, like, oh my god. This is really negative, isn’t it? And while it’s important To not bury our heads in the sand, it’s also so easy to get mired down in how awful it is And what could happen? And I feel like, especially for those of us who have been through Infidelity? We have to be really, really careful about balancing our intake of information. When I first found out about my husband’s infidelity, I did what so many of us do. I started googling things, And then I started finding Facebook groups and communities and things like that. And while it can be really helpful, It can also be really hurtful. And there were some communities that I would be, like Facebook communities, where they were really negative. And you could tell the people writing the comments We’re bitter, and we’re cynical and had had a horrible experience And that they were hurting. And the fact of the matter is hurt people hurt people, and they were not posting comments Like, once a cheater, always a cheater, but, of course, that can really not be true too.
Lora Cheadle [00:10:39]:
They’re posting Really hateful negative comments. You know, you’re stupid if you stay. You know, it’s gonna happen again. Why are you setting yourself up? Oh, the man, he’s cheating, and he’s gonna have his cake and eat it too. And there’s some really negative stuff. And when you’re in a vulnerable state, When you’re in any state, but especially when you’re in a vulnerable state, it’s really easy to go down that rabbit hole of fear Because the bottom line is that’s what it is. It’s fear. It’s this huge rabbit hole of fear and all of these what ifs.
Lora Cheadle [00:11:14]:
And, you know, statistics are important, but like with anything else, Oh my gosh. Let’s not hang our hat only on statistics. People with stage 4 cancer sometimes survive. People with very low odds of success sometimes succeed, You know, and vice versa, people that should never have anything horrible happen, statistically speaking, sometimes do. I had a client years ago who passed away from lung cancer, and she was a nonsmoker. And it was really, really Ironic to me because at the time, I had a friend who was also a seriously heavy smoker, And he was an older gentleman, and he was not dying of lung cancer. And I kept thinking, really? This 30 year old beautiful woman is dying of lung Cancer, and she’s a lifelong nonsmoker who has never been around smoke in her entire life. And the 78 year old gentleman Is chugging along, still smoking his 2 to 3 packs a day? Like, wow.
Lora Cheadle [00:12:26]:
So I think my whole point around that is, Okay. Look at the statistics. You know, use them use them in a way that benefits you. Use them to stay educated and to stay aware, but you still have to choose what you look at, And you still have to choose your path. And I’ve said this a lot, and I will continue to see it in the future. You can’t control anybody else’s choices. You can’t control anybody else’s actions or behaviors or decisions. So When you think about whether you’re going to save your marriage or whether or not your partner is not going to cheat again or whether or not they’re gonna rise to the occasion, Okay.
Lora Cheadle [00:13:10]:
You can’t choose their behavior, but at the same time, you can influence and impact What other people choose and what other people believe and what other people think. And when you are Looking at all of the negative, you are going to spread a lot of negativity. And when you’re looking at a lot of the positive, you’re also going to spread a lot of positivity. And by saying this, I I said at the beginning, I I don’t wanna go down the rabbit hole of being toxic positive. Like, you can do it. You can create anything you believe. All you have to do is just manifest and believe harder, and it will all work out because sometimes it doesn’t. But you have a much greater chance of achieving success or of achieving your dreams when you are Looking in the right direction.
Lora Cheadle [00:14:11]:
When you are taking the steps that you need to take to up your odds, When you were doing the work for yourself, when you were really staying elevated and strong and positive, Your chances of success, whatever success means for you, are just higher. And a lot of that is around gratitude and hope. And, you know, I started the show saying I wanna talk about the intersection of gratitude and hope because they’re very Similar, yet they’re very different. Gratitude is really seeing and appreciating The things that bring you joy, the things that you want, the efforts taken by others. Gratitude is just noticing, and it’s not that it has to be anything huge. Notice the small things. Maybe you’re trying to reconcile with your partner, and maybe they have done 3 things that are just kind of not exactly what you want. But the 4th thing is what you want.
Lora Cheadle [00:15:24]:
Just notice that 4th thing and be grateful for it. Don’t focus on the fact that they argued, they stonewalled, and they didn’t do the reading that you wanted. Focus on the fact that for the first time ever, maybe they took accountability for something and took steps towards making amends. Even if it wasn’t the way that you wanted them to make amends, just notice that they tried. Oh my gosh. Notice that they tried And appreciate it. Notice and appreciate it. It’s like Saying if somebody brings you coffee and it has a little bit too much cream, it’s about just complaining about that it has a little bit too much cream.
Lora Cheadle [00:16:11]:
Oh Oh my gosh. Can you notice and appreciate that somebody just brought you too much coffee? Later on, maybe we can address the cream issue if necessary. Maybe it was just a little accident. Maybe they just poured it too quickly. Just notice what’s positive and appreciate that. And noticing it is about you is not even necessarily about the other person. It’s about you noticing it for your benefit. It’s about you saying, oh, wow.
Lora Cheadle [00:16:41]:
That was them making amends. It was them being accountable. That was coffee being delivered in my hands, and I really like that. That makes me feel wanted. That makes me feel appreciated. That makes me feel, and that gives me hope. That gives me hope, and that’s kinda where hope comes in. When you things it gives you a hope that things are going to keep moving in that direction because all of life is a journey.
Lora Cheadle [00:17:19]:
All of life is a journey from birth until death. Talk about a cynical view, but that’s what it is. Life is a journey from birth to death. We’ve if we’re all here if we’re if we’re here, we’ve all been born. If we’re born, we’re all gonna die. Life is a journey from birth to death. So what are you noticing along the way? Are you in fear, and are you noticing this disastrous climate change and drunk drivers and Disease and political unrest. And, are you noticing all of that and totally focusing on it, Or are you aware? Aware is not focusing.
Lora Cheadle [00:18:03]:
Are you aware? Yeah. There’s a lot of problems going on. Okay. We’ve got some big problems with terrorists and Hamas and Israel, and we’ve viruses and like, we’ve got a lot of Stuff going on. I I’m aware of that, but I’m not focusing on it. I am focusing on the things that I can control. Oh, I am focusing on the things that I could appreciate. I am focused on the things that I am grateful for.
Lora Cheadle [00:18:32]:
I’m grateful for really good weather. I’m grateful for an opportunity to travel and visit family over Thanksgiving. I’m grateful for my health. I’m grateful for health care. I’m grateful for connections and friends and groups that I’m a part of. I’m grateful for time with my partner so we can continue to have conversations, even difficult conversations, Because now he’s up to having them much more readily than he ever was before this entire insane affair journey. Like, just notice them. It’s not that I’m in this completely toxic place that, like, oh my god.
Lora Cheadle [00:19:19]:
The affair was the best thing that ever happened to our marriage, and I’m just, like, so grateful. I mean, I am, but I really wish it hadn’t have happened. So I don’t wanna be totally toxically positive that you were so lucky that your partner cheated on you because now you really gotta do all of this great stuff that you never would have done otherwise. Okay. The fair is a really great catalyst. It really is. And you can make lemonades from these lemons, But let’s not lose sight of the fact that they’re lemons. Yes.
Lora Cheadle [00:19:52]:
You can make something good from it, But, oh my god, let’s not ignore the fact that what happened was not good. Just be grateful for the tender mercies along the way. Be grateful for the things that give you joy and light and hope. Because without hope, Life I don’t think would really be very worth living. Like I said, cynical view is life is a journey from cradle to grave. Okay. Kind of a cynical journey or cynical thought, but it’s true. So why are we doing it? I mean, Right now, I want you to look at your life, look back over your life.
Lora Cheadle [00:20:44]:
This is really negative too, just as a warning. And look at all the horrible things that have happened and that you have been through. If someone were to tell you early on, Maybe age 10 because you’re a little bit more aware at age 10 that you know what? You’re gonna grow up and you’re gonna Lose your brother and you’re gonna, you know, be horribly maimed in this accident, and then you’re gonna go through this cancer journey. And then, you know, your parents are gonna have this, that, and the other thing happen, and then you’re gonna lose a job. And then you’re gonna spend this money on an education, but then you’re never gonna actually end up making thing from of it. And you’re gonna miscarry, and then you’re gonna end up having a child that has got this severe medical thing, and you’re never really gonna make a lot of like, Think about all the horrible things that have happened in your life. If you were given the preview that, hey, guess what? This is your life. Nobody’s gonna wanna live that life.
Lora Cheadle [00:21:41]:
Nobody’s gonna wanna live that. They’re just not. They’re gonna be like, oh, that stinks. I Is there a way to opt out? Because I’d rather opt out of this one. But it’s the hope that makes life worth living. It just is. We have to have hope That we can do something good from the bad. We have to hope that we can make lemonade from the lemons.
Lora Cheadle [00:22:12]:
We have to hope that humanity will pull itself together. We have to hope that people can connect To their common humanity and to each other, and to bridge gaps and to bridge divides, And come together with plans that will benefit everyone. Like, we just have to have that hope that someday we will Get the job, that someday we will get the relationship. We will find the person. We have to live with hope. Otherwise, life just isn’t fun. It’s not worth living. And when people start living from a place of no hope and no gratitude, It just continues to spiral down, and down, and down.
Lora Cheadle [00:23:06]:
And then it really sucks you into a state of fear, where life becomes defensive, where everything is coming at you, where you always have to protect yourself, Where everybody is out to get you. And it’s just heavy, and it’s dark, and it’s not fun. And truly, that’s the bottom line. It’s just not fun. Because look at it this way, Life is gonna knock you down anyway. It just is. We all get knocked down. It’s not personal you are gonna get knocked down.
Lora Cheadle [00:23:44]:
It’s all of us. The pandemic knocked us all down. It just did. So taking the pandemic as an example, Life is gonna knock you down. Would you rather have hope and be happy and thinking about all the positive things And then have your expectations a little bit dashed and have life knock you down. But you know what? You lived in hope for a bunch of years before that, Or would you rather live in misery expecting the other shoe to drop, expecting all this bad stuff to happen? And then when life knocks you down, be like, yeah. I was right all along. Because I’d rather be wrong.
Lora Cheadle [00:24:32]:
I’d rather to have I’d rather have life knock me down, But to have spent a lot of time being hopeful and positive and happy, then have life knocked me down anyway And have wasted a lot of time being cynical and bitter and grouchy. I’d rather have life knock me down And have been happy, then have life knocked me down and have been sad. Because if it’s gonna happen anyway, Why not enjoy it beforehand? And, again, knowing how energy works, knowing about, you know, law of attraction. Like does attract like, and chances are the more positive you are anyway, The less the negative thing is going to impact you and the more positive you are going to be in the long run. Have you ever wondered why sometimes the same thing can happen to different people and they can respond totally different? 2 people can be in the same car during an accident. It can change 1 person’s life for the better, And it can change 1 person’s life for the worse. So much of it is attitude and mindset and all of those things that I think a lot of us, you know, believe in, so to speak. I I hate to even say believe in because it’s like saying, I believe in sun.
Lora Cheadle [00:26:14]:
I believe in gravity. Good for you. We all do. Even if you don’t believe it, it’s still gonna impact you. If you don’t believe in gravity, it’s still gonna impact you. If you don’t believe it’s gonna be a bad winter or a hot summer or whatever it is that you don’t believe in, doesn’t matter. It’s still gonna impact you. When you believe that things are going to turn out, you see more possibilities.
Lora Cheadle [00:26:42]:
It’s not just woo woo energetic stuff. If you believe you can make it work, you’ll find a way to make it work. Because here’s the way the brain works. Whenever you pose a question to your brain, it opens up a loop in your brain, and your brain starts scanning the environment, Scanning your memory, scanning your knowledge banks to try to find a solution. So when you’re looking at the world and you’re seeing, like, These good things and you’re looking for solutions, your brain will find them. When you’re looking at the world and you’re seeing a hopelessness and no solutions, No loops have been opened up and your brain is not going to be scanning the environment looking for anything. It’s like, close deal, movie over. Screenplay done.
Lora Cheadle [00:27:27]:
Book over. Closed book, put back on shelf. Being positive, being in a state of gratitude gives you hope, but it also gives you solutions. Being in a state of gratitude gives you solutions because you’re like, oh, I’m really happy for this, and I’m really happy for that. And what I really wish for next is or what I really want to change is. And then I believe that change can happen, and I believe I will find this. And I’m in fact, I am scanning the environment looking for it now. Okay.
Lora Cheadle [00:28:08]:
Now let’s ground some of this in infidelity because isn’t that why we’re here? Sadly, yes. What is the biggest fear for those of us who have been cheated on? I think the biggest fear for most of us is, will will it happen again? Am I being gaslit? Am I gonna go down this primrose path Thinking that we are in this recovery together and that things are working out only to be blindsided again. And it’s terrifying. There’s so much talk about, like, how can I trust again? What if he does it again? How will I know? I didn’t know he was lying last time. How will I know he’s lying the next time? How can I trust? Will he do it again? And here’s what I wanna say around that. Be careful where you look Because there’s stories on every single side and then some. Hang with the people who are where you want to be. Be aware, But don’t buy in to anybody else’s narrative except your own.
Lora Cheadle [00:29:43]:
I am aware The many cheaters continue to cheat. I am also aware that many don’t. I am aware that hurt people hurt people, And I am aware that healing is possible. I am aware That my husband, your husband, anybody’s husband can cheat again. And I’m also aware that I know how to handle it if they do. And it’s just kind of that balancing Of all aspects of that, I am aware, but I am not putting negative energy towards what are you doing? What doing? What are you doing? What are you doing? I will trust, and I will verify. I will trust, and I will remain positive. And I will remain open, and I will remain trusting and loving.
Lora Cheadle [00:30:42]:
Because, truly, the best way to create a healthy, happy relationship is by being healthy and happy. So I will do everything in my power to be healthy and happy, and then I will appreciate that because I know what appreciates grows. And then will appreciate the insights that I’ve had about myself, and then will appreciate My willingness and awareness to have hard conversations and to learn how to apologize and to learn how to be a better partner. And I will also appreciate when my husband does really good things And will sit there and answer my questions for the 100000th time. And when he goes to therapy and when he has insights and when he heals His trauma. And I will appreciate him too when I see him in a state of fear And he says things like, I don’t know if I could stay married if that’s something that you decide. I will appreciate when he says things like, Sometimes I think that sometimes he’ll say to me, sometimes I think that you are faking this and that you’re just gonna come out and, you know, like, leave me in the end. Sometimes I feel like I’m the one that’s being gaslit now.
Lora Cheadle [00:32:01]:
Okay. I can appreciate that. And I’m still gonna look towards the positive, And I’m still gonna be open and truthful and vulnerable because that’s the future that I want. I want a future with hope. I want to be hopeful that he can heal his trauma. More than that, I’m hopeful that he can heal his entire ancestral line of trauma. I am hopeful that the work that he’s done will impact not only our marriage, But the lives and relationships of our kids, I’m hoping that the work He does, and the insight he receives will also shift his career and will bring him a lot of joy in Other areas as well. And I’m also really, really aware That things can go wrong.
Lora Cheadle [00:33:06]:
Weird things happen. Accidents happen. Climate change happens. Natural disasters happen like whatever it is. Yes. I’m aware of that. It’s just that I’m not focusing on it because where you focus is where your energy flows. And that’s not where I choose to put my energy because it makes me paranoid and bitter and nasty and negative.
Lora Cheadle [00:33:37]:
So that’s the beauty of gratitude and hope. It helps you feel better in every single moment. It does give you something to live for. It keeps you positive and happy Being healthy and moving forward and creating something really, really good. And to me, that’s what this season of Thanksgiving is truly all about. It’s about noticing what’s good. Seeing what’s bad, sure, but not focusing on that. And it’s about allowing yourself to be grateful without expectation, Because that’s the other part of it that I wanna talk about.
Lora Cheadle [00:34:30]:
So often when You hear about gratitude journals or gratitude practices or, you know, being thankful for things. It’s almost like it’s an end game. It’s almost like you can close the book, like I said earlier, and go, it’s over, and I’m so grateful that was a great Or at the end of a movie where you go, ah, and everything wrapped up, And you can just be so grateful that you read it, and then it warms your heart, and you’re thinking about it blah blah blah blah blah blah. Real life is more like the cliffhangers at the ends of sitcoms That don’t get resolved for another season or maybe don’t ever get resolved at all. And the thing is you can still be grateful for it along the way because gratitude doesn’t have anything to do with resolution. I’m gonna say that again. Gratitude has nothing to do with resolution. I am not a fan of resolution, and I am not a fan of closure Because I don’t believe in either of them.
Lora Cheadle [00:35:45]:
They never happen the way we think they are supposed to, supposed to is in air quotes, happen. We rarely get resolution, and we rarely get closure. And that doesn’t mean we can’t be grateful for it along the way. What I was saying earlier about the whole toxic positivity part of, like, My husband’s affair was the best thing that has ever happened to us in our marriage. To me, that’s a little bit toxic. The affair was not the best thing. It could have brought about some amazingly positive Changes, and you might not get resolution from it, and you might not even stay together. But this affair could have been the catalyst.
Lora Cheadle [00:36:40]:
I always say betrayal uncovers the truth. It could be the catalyst for you To reclaim yourself, to stop tolerating what you don’t want to tolerate anymore. It can be the catalyst to become a better communicator. It can be the catalyst for you to really rebuild your marriage and to do some amazing things. So you can have gratitude for the outcome. You can have gratitude for the There, you can have gratitude for the journey. I absolutely have gratitude for the journey. But you can also feel how horrible it was, and that’s life.
Lora Cheadle [00:37:32]:
There were a lot of horrible things with the COVID pandemic, and there were a lot of beautiful things that came of it. There were a lot of horrible things in the civil rights movement, in the women’s rights movement, and all of these different movements, black lives matter, anything. It’s a lot of really horrible stuff, and it brings about a lot of really, really, really good stuff too. George Floyd’s death is not something to be thankful for, but the resulting impact that has come up from it is something that we can be thankful for. It’s riding those 2 strands. It’s straddling And having both good and bad and being able to hold both good and bad in any and every situation, And being able to say, yes, here is the dark, and here is the light. Yes. Here is the dark side, and, yes, here is the light side.
Lora Cheadle [00:38:36]:
Because what goes up must come down. Whatever is positive is also negative, And I often see and I often believe that the worse it gets, the greater the capacity for joy. And the more joyful it is, the greater the capacity for sadness. So many people say that The betrayal recovery journey is like a roller coaster. And it is you go up and you go down, and you up and you go down, and you up and down and up and down. And, yes, the hills are going to smooth out, and they can smooth out. But when you’re riding a high, be grateful for it. When you’re riding a high, be grateful for it.
Lora Cheadle [00:39:30]:
When you’re in the depths of despair, just look up and know that another high is coming, And maybe even be grateful that this too shall pass. Because, really, life is a choice. I talk a lot about choice with the women that I coach because so often we forget that we are sovereign beings. We forget That our life is self directed by us And that we have choices. It’s so easy to fall into that. No. I’m trapped. I’m trapped in my job.
Lora Cheadle [00:40:09]:
I’m trapped because of my kids. I’m trapped in this marriage. I’m trapped in this house. I’m trapped because of finances. I’m trapped because of religion. I’m trapped because of family. Okay. No.
Lora Cheadle [00:40:22]:
I will push back pretty much on everything. You’re not trapped. You are not trapped. You can make any choice in the world, pretty much, as long as it’s legal. Even if it’s not legal, you can make any choice in the entire world, but you will have a consequence. So just a healthier way to frame that is not that I’m trapped, but that I don’t like the consequences. I’m choosing to stay because I don’t like the consequences. I’m choosing to do whatever because I don’t like the consequences if I don’t.
Lora Cheadle [00:41:04]:
People say they’re trapped at home because of finances. You can always get a job. Well, I can’t while I have kids at home. You can work. You can put your kids in daycare. You might not want to, and that might not be the choice you want to make, but you’re not trapped. You’re making a choice. Own your choice.
Lora Cheadle [00:41:23]:
You might choose to stay Even though you know you will never feel the same about your partner again, even though you know it’s not where you wanna be, but you are still making the choice that you know what? For now, I am choosing to stay in this marriage, whether it’s for financial reasons or religious reasons or the kids or whatever. You’re making a choice. The consequence is you’ll be unfulfilled. The consequence is you’re not going to be able to pursue another relationship. The consequence is you might have to, whatever it is. You’re not trapped. You’re not trapped. You’re just making a choice.
Lora Cheadle [00:42:10]:
Choose your choices and choose your consequences, And then find the gratitude and the hope within the decisions you have made. Find the gratitude within the decisions that you have made. Find the hope Within the decisions and choices that you have made. That’s a tall order, but at the same time, it is so simple. What are you choosing, and how can you be grateful? Maybe it’s just you’re grateful that you made a choice. Maybe you’re just grateful that you’re aware that it is a choice and that you’re going to Suffer the consequences. Be grateful that these are the consequences you’re suffering. If your choice is to stay in a marriage for financial support because you don’t wanna leave your kids In day care and go back to work, that’s a choice.
Lora Cheadle [00:43:22]:
The consequence you might suffer is Not the marriage of your dreams, but be grateful that you’re making that choice. Be grateful that you are financially taken care of. Be grateful that your kids aren’t in day care. You’re the one that made the choice. Be grateful for it. Instead of focusing on the negative, I’m trapped. Sure. I have many, but it’s not enough.
Lora Cheadle [00:43:48]:
I’m just getting older, and nobody’s ever gonna find love because I’m never gonna be able to date. Oh my gosh. I can’t speak honestly with my husband. He’s gonna cheat again. Don’t focus on the negative. Focus on the Positives or make a different choice. If you’re going to focus too much on the positives, I mean, too much on the negatives. It might mean that now is the chance to make a different choice.
Lora Cheadle [00:44:22]:
Because if you can’t break yourself out of seeing the dark side and move yourself into the light side for your own benefit, Then maybe it’s time to make a different choice. So you choose to leave. So you go back to work. So you have to put your kids in day care. So it’s harder. So you have to move out. So you have a smaller house. So you have less time for yourself.
Lora Cheadle [00:44:51]:
Focus on the positive. Maybe you have your dignity and your self respect. Focus on that. Instead of going through the I’m tired, I’m exhausted, I’m in a condo, I never see my kids, what are you gonna focus on? And this is such a good tool also for helping you make decisions because you can think out A lot of your decisions, and try them on before you actually make the decision. And you can see how you feel, and you can see where that Focus is going. If your focus is leaning towards the positive, even though there’s a downside, that might be a And then it’s gonna give you hope too. Hope that you’ll get promotions. Hope that your husband will have insight.
Lora Cheadle [00:45:50]:
Hope that you will reclaim yourself and that you will start having more fun. Hope that you will find the kind of relationship that you want or you will rebuild your in the way that you want. Because it’s all about hope. And if you don’t have hope, why are we doing it? So what I want you to do for the next 5 days for the next 5 days, I want you to consciously to find 5 positives, 5 upsides, Five things that you’re glad about or that you appreciate. Anytime you find yourself complaining, Anytime you find yourself feeling negative or going down a bad news rabbit hole, stop And just remind yourself. You know what? There is a different side to this too. Okay. We’re on the brink of a world world war.
Lora Cheadle [00:46:56]:
This is really awful. Let’s talk about some 5 positive things that we can find in this situation. Let’s have hope for 5 positive things that might come from this situation. Maybe once and for all, the world can come up with some sort of resolution. Israel, Palestine, like, this has been a hot spot for so long. Maybe this is the catalyst that it is finally taking for people to unite, for understanding to happen. Five things. You read the paper.
Lora Cheadle [00:47:44]:
You’re stressed out about something. You’re in fear. Stop. Find 5 things. There’s some more trickle truth coming out. You find a text or an email you really wish you hadn’t have found. I’m not saying don’t feel the pain, feel it, see it, Acknowledge it. Flow it.
Lora Cheadle [00:48:08]:
But you know what? What are some positives around this? What are 5 things? Okay. More is coming out. That’s positive. Okay. I found out now versus waiting 5 years and then learning about it later. Okay. It’s giving me clarity, And it’s giving me more information so I can make a better decision. Whenever you find yourself complaining or negative, Find 5 things to be thankful or hopeful for.
Lora Cheadle [00:48:40]:
Just find them and name them. I’m not even saying you have to stick with them for a long time. Just find them and name them. Politics, religion, infidelity, secrets, whatever it is. Find your positives, be grateful, and move into a state of hope. Because to wrap this all up, thinking about American Thanksgiving and the traditional stories, which we all know aren’t exactly true, and that’s okay. We’re going to just go with the little mythological version of Thanksgiving. The Indian sat down with the pilgrims, and they had a feast.
Lora Cheadle [00:49:27]:
And everybody was happy, and it was wonderful. And they celebrated Because finally, the pilgrims knew how to live in this new land. They knew how to grow food. They had shelter. Okay. They didn’t focus on the illness that killed most of the pilgrims that originally came over on the Mayflower. We’re not focusing on the horrible winter that was so bad Most people died. The fact that they couldn’t build houses, the fact that the crops wouldn’t grow, the fact that They were taking over Native American land.
Lora Cheadle [00:50:08]:
The fact that Native Americans were being kicked off their lands by foreigners And that there was contention around that. Like, we’re not focusing on all the negatives. We’re focusing on some of the positives. Toxic positivity is not Acknowledging all the bad things. But it’s the story is about gratitude. The story is about in this moment, There was a feast. In this moment, there was friendship. In this moment, There was plenty, and there were relationships.
Lora Cheadle [00:50:44]:
And in this moment, there was hope. The pilgrims had hoped that they had found this beautiful, wonderful, new land to live in where they could worship and live freely. The Native Americans were hopeful that these new settlers could probably come in and be friends with them, And that they could find room for everybody and that they could live in peace and that they could trade knowledge and they could trade goods And that everybody collectively would elevate. Hope is important. Gratitude is important even if it is for 1 breath. And that is my call for you This holiday season or wherever it is that you are listening to this in whatever country To just pause in each and every moment, and, yeah, you can see the risk. But to choose to focus on the hope and the gratitude and the what might be possible for you. Because the person you’re going to save is yourself.
Lora Cheadle [00:52:06]:
And like I said earlier with my cynical view of life, Just a journey from birth to death. This is about you making that journey better, more enjoyable for you. So, yes, for the next 5 days, Challenge yourself to notice 5 things that you are grateful for or that you have hoped for every time you find yourself Slipping into a negative thought or cynicism. And then going forward, Find that gratitude in each and every breath, especially when it relates to infidelity and betrayal because The story is not over. The story may never be over. All you have is the present moment. There will be plenty of present moments that aren’t that great, so do your part to stay connected gratitude and hope in every moment that you can. Have an amazing week, and always remember to FLAUNT! exactly who you are because who you are is always more Bad enough.
Lora Cheadle [00:53:30]:
To all the women who have cried in the shower, smiled when they wanted to scream, And couldn’t wait to get home and unhook their bra. FLAUNT! is the definitive guidebook on how to get back in touch with who you are underneath your labels, roles, and scripts. Fall in love with yourself right now. Breathe life into the dreams you left behind and live each day with uninhibited joy. Pick up a copy of Lora Cheadle’s number 1 best selling book, FLAUNT!. Drop your cover and reveal your smart, sexy, And spiritual self wherever books are sold. It’s available in print, digital, and audio formats and comes with 2 downloadable meditations.
Lora Cheadle [00:54:11]:
Are you ready to break through and find out what’s possible for you on the other side of betrayal? If you were tired of the anguish, the pain, the confusion, The overwhelm or the obsessive thoughts, then reach out. Schedule your 1 on 1 Hour long breakthrough call, and together, we will figure out what you need to do to break Through and get to the other side of betrayal. During our time together, you can explain what’s going on with you. Together, we will figure out what it is that’s blocking you, whether it’s your partner’s stubbornness or inability to move forward on the same page as you, Mindset, finances, concern about your kids, whatever it is, together, we will figure out what that block is, And then we will put together a strategy so you can move ahead step by step And get to the other side of betrayal without overwhelm, without confusion, without being distracted And losing focus and wasting time, money, or your valuable energy. Isn’t it time for you to get where you want to be? On the other side of this horrific situation, Looking back with peace and perspective. When we get together, not only will you have that 1 on 1 hour Long Zoom call with me, but we’ll also record it so everything will be memorialized, and you always will have something to go back 2 so you know your own personalized plan. And you will also receive 30 minutes A follow-up Voxer support with me so you won’t lose track, so you won’t get derailed. And so if you need something adjusted, together, we will be able to adjust it.
Lora Cheadle [00:56:26]:
To schedule your appointment, Go to betrayalrecoveryguide.com and click on the pop up link, or reach out, Lora, l o r a, at Lora Cheadle, l o r a c headle.com, and let’s get you scheduled. I can’t wait to help you step back into your power and reclaim your identity, self worth and create exactly the kind of life that you love.
Narrator [00:57:06]:
Tune in next time to FLAUNT!. Find your sparkle and create a life you love after infidelity or betrayal with radio host and live choreographer, Lora Cheadle, every Wednesday at 7 AM and 7 PM EST on syndicated dream vision 7 radio network. Develop naked self worth and reclaim your confidence, enthusiasm, and joy so you can create a life you love and embrace who you are today. Download your free sparkle through betrayal recovery guide at naked self worth.com.