In this soul-stirring episode, Lora Cheadle reframes the pain of infidelity through the lens of one of the most iconic betrayal stories of all time: Jesus and Judas. Whether your betrayal came from a partner, your body, or society, this episode will show you how to transform it from tragedy into a catalyst for growth.
Top Take-a-ways:
- Why betrayal is only the beginning of your story, not the end
- How revenge keeps you stuck—and how grace sets you free
- What crucifixion, resurrection, and spring rebirth all have in common with your healing
- A guided journaling practice to clarify who you are, what you deserve, and what you’re here to create
Free Resource:
✨ Download the Betrayal Recovery Guide – your first step to reclaiming your sparkle and re-choreographing your life.
About Lora:
Lora Cheadle is a betrayal recovery coach, attorney, and TEDx speaker who helps women heal from betrayal on an energetic, emotional, and ancestral level—while also providing legal guidance to help them navigate the practical complexities of infidelity and relationship transitions. She empowers women to rise from the ashes, reclaim their identity and self-worth, break free from repeating patterns, and step into their power with confidence, clarity, and grace.
After being shattered by her husband’s fifteen years of infidelity, Lora knows firsthand what it takes to transform devastation into an invitation for healing, freedom, and joy. Her unique approach blends deep emotional healing with tangible legal and life strategies, guiding women beyond betrayal into lives of unapologetic confidence and purpose.
As the founder of Life Choreography Coaching & Advocacy, Lora provides comprehensive legal, emotional, intellectual, and spiritual support on demand. She believes that infidelity doesn’t have to be the end of the dream you poured your heart and soul into—it can be the beginning of a life filled with sovereignty, connection, and joy.
Licensed to practice law in California and Colorado, Lora is also a trauma-aware coach, clinical hypnotherapist, somatic attachment therapist, and advanced integrated energy practitioner. She is certified in yoga, mindfulness, group fitness, and personal training, bringing a holistic perspective to healing.
She is the author of FLAUNT! Drop Your Cover and Reveal Your Smart, Sexy, & Spiritual Self (an International Book Awards Finalist and Tattered Cover Bestseller) and It’s Not Burnout, It’s Betrayal: 5 Tools to FUEL UP & Thrive. She also hosts the podcast FLAUNT! Create a Life You Love After Infidelity and Betrayal.
Based in Colorado, Lora is an adventure-seeker who loves travel, a great book, and saying yes to life’s magic.
Betrayal Recovery Tool Kit
Find Relief, Reclaim Yourself, and Rewrite Your Story
Download your Betrayal Recovery Roadmap & Tool Kit at www.BetrayalRecoveryGuide.com and start reclaiming yourself and your life today!
Let’s connect! Share your thoughts or questions from this episode with Lora at loracheadle.com. New episodes every week.
Subscribe, like, share, and join Lora Cheadle on your journey to reclaim your sparkle and create a life you love.
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Are you ready to Rise, Reclaim, and Reign as the Queen of Your Life? Infidelity may have shaken your world, but it does not define you. You are powerful. You are worthy. And you are more than capable of creating a future filled with confidence, clarity, and joy.
I’m here to walk beside you, giving you the perspective, permission, and proven tools to transform betrayal into your greatest awakening. Whether through one-on-one coaching or my on-demand Affair Recovery Programs, you’ll gain the guidance and support to untangle yourself from the past, reclaim your power, and step boldly into your next chapter.
Your transformation starts now! Learn more at www.AffairRecoveryForWomen.com and visit www.LoraCheadle.com for even more resources and inspiration.
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- International Book Award, Finalist Motivational Self-Help, 2021
- Tattered Cover Bestseller, 2019
Have you spent your life playing by the rules, only to realize those rules weren’t made for you? What if you could break free—from expectations, from betrayal, from the roles you were taught to play—and reclaim your true self?
FLAUNT! is your guide to stripping away societal conditioning, healing from the heartbreak of betrayal, and rediscovering the fierce, confident woman you were born to be. With humor, wisdom, and powerful, actionable steps, Lora Cheadle empowers you to rise above the narratives that have confined you and boldly choreograph a life that is smart, sexy, spiritual, and uniquely your own.
It’s time to stop living for others and start living for you.
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It’s Not Burnout, It’s Betrayal: 5 Tools to FUEL UP & Thrive
Burnout isn’t just exhaustion—it’s a betrayal of your time, energy, and trust. This essential guide redefines burnout, exposing its hidden roots and equipping individuals, teams, and leaders with five powerful tools to reclaim their passion, purpose, and well-being.
If you’re ready to break free from burnout and step into a life of clarity, confidence, and fulfillment, this book is your roadmap.
Available now on Amazon. Download your free guide, BURNOUT UNCOVERED: Fostering Candid Conversations for Teams at www.ItsNotBurnoutItsBetrayal.com.
Transcript
Lora Cheadle [00:00:01]:
You’re listening to Flaunt, Find Your Sparkle and Create a Life You Love After Infidelity or Betrayal. A podcast for women who’ve been betrayed by their intimate partner and want to turn their devastation into an invitation to reclaim themselves and their worth. Tune in weekly so you can start making sense of it all and learn how to be okay on the inside no matter what goes on on the outside. Download your free betrayal recovery toolkit at betrayalrecoveryguide.com.
Lora Cheadle [00:00:35]:
The real tragedy of betrayal isn’t the betrayal itself. It’s when we let that betrayal define us instead of refine us. It’s when we survive, but never allow ourselves to rise because betrayal will shake you. It will break you wide open. But in that breaking is the invitation. The invitation to come back home to yourself. Not the self that you were before, but the self that you were always meant to be. The self who carries wisdom in her wounds, power in her presence, and sovereignty in her soul.
Lora Cheadle [00:01:25]:
And that’s what transformation truly is. It’s not bouncing back, getting it over it. It’s rising a new, wiser, stronger, softer, and more self honoring than ever before. You are not here to simply survive betrayal. You are here to rise and reign fully and freely and on your own sacred terms. I’m Lora Cheadle and I’m an attorney and betrayal recovery coach. And yes, I too have walked this path of betrayal. And what this journey has really taught me is the betrayal is the catalyst.
Lora Cheadle [00:02:20]:
The betrayal is the catalyst that starts at all, but it’s not the tragedy. The tragedy is what happens after if you fail to capitalize on that catalyst. If you fail to rise and reign and shift and grow and develop and become everything that you were meant to be. This show is going to drop on Easter Sunday. And as I was thinking about what I wanted to say and what I wanted to talk about before I begin my next series, which is why did he cheat? What gave him permission in his own mind? Why didn’t thinking about me and the kids and our family stop him? What is the psychology of cheating? Before I drop into that series, that’s gonna be a four week series, I remembered this show that you were about to hear, and this show was from a couple of years back. And in this show, I use the original betrayal story, the betrayal of Jesus by Judas. And as I’ll say in the episode, whether or not you believe literally or figuratively doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter if you take this as, pun intended, God’s honest truth, or it’s just an illusion, a story.
Lora Cheadle [00:03:56]:
It doesn’t matter. I want you to hear the wisdom in this story. And I want you to understand that the betrayal of Jesus by Judas was the catalyst that started it all. Had we not had this betrayal, the whole story would be different. And perhaps, Jesus’s teaching and wisdom would have been lost in history because this story wouldn’t have happened. He wouldn’t have risen in this glorious fashion. We wouldn’t have Jesus the same way we have Jesus now. And I really encourage you to think about that for yourself.
Lora Cheadle [00:04:42]:
This is the catalyst. It starts it all. The tragedy of Jesus and the crucifixion, the crucifixion is not the tragedy. The crucifixion, if he would have never risen, that would have been a tragedy. But guess what? He rose. Sure. It took him three days. It’s gonna take you longer than three days.
Lora Cheadle [00:05:08]:
But it is in that rising that not only he reclaimed his power and became who he was supposed to be, but he changed the world. And that’s exactly what I want for you. Nothing less than that. So enjoy this episode. It’s an oldie, but a goodie. And I will see you next week for my series on understanding why the heck he cheated. Hello. Welcome to Flaunt.
Lora Cheadle [00:05:43]:
Find your sparkle and create a life you love after infidelity or betrayal. I’m Lora Cheadle, and I’m a coach for women who have experienced some sort of betrayal. Whether it’s an intimate partner betrayal, which is one of the things that I too have experienced, or whether it’s feeling betrayed by maybe your body in the form of illness or aging, or just from your life, from the system, from all of these expectations and ideals that you had that didn’t happen. I help women untangle from the pain of the past, the heartbreak, the shattering, and then to reclaim their identity, build their self worth and their self trust back up so they can really come to life again after infidelity, after any sort of betrayal, and really start feeling better in creating the lives that they love. Before we go any further, what I’d like you to do is go to www.betrayalrecoveryguide.com and download your copy of my sparkle after betrayal recovery guide. It’s got three steps, three things that you can start doing right here, right now, today that will make you start feeling better, that will help you on this process of untangling, reclaiming yourself, and then building a future that you desire. Today, we are going to take a deep dive into the most famous and the most well known betrayal story of all times. And that story is the story of Jesus’s betrayal, of how Judas betrayed Jesus.
Lora Cheadle [00:07:50]:
Now to be clear, you do not have to identify as a Christian to resonate with this show. It does not matter what your personal beliefs are. It doesn’t matter what your whole, you know, spirituality mindset is. None of that matters. I want you to think about this in terms of the story the story of what happened to Jesus. And then I want you to think about it in terms of Jesus as a man, A man who was betrayed and what I think is really the most important, what happened after he was betrayed. Because in Jesus’s case, as in my case, as in your case, as in everybody’s case, the betrayal is truly only the start of the story. The betrayal is always the start, the beginning, the catalyst for the rest of the story.
Lora Cheadle [00:08:57]:
And when you really are able to process that, to think about that, to understand, it changes the whole tone and feel of your betrayal story. Okay. So generally speaking, the story of Jesus’s betrayal is he had 12 disciples. One of those disciples betrayed him. Jesus made reference a few times to the fact that he knew he was going to be betrayed, and still he let it happen. And still, he had love in his heart. He had compassion in his heart, not only for Judas, who he might have known was going to betray him, but also for the guards who crucified him for for everybody in the situation who quote unquote did him wrong, which I find interesting interesting to note. Because if you’re anything like me, as you’re processing your own betrayal, it’s so easy to start pointing fingers everywhere else, pointing fingers at the other woman, at friends who might have helped your partner have this affair, at your partner, at all of these other people or situations or places.
Lora Cheadle [00:10:47]:
And then what ends up happening is you start having all of this hatred and bitterness and mistrust for the world and for people. And just comparing and contrasting that to how Jesus handled his betrayal. First of all, he might have known that it was going to happen. He had the wisdom, the foresight, the divine download to know that this betrayal, while painful, while it would lead to his death, was truly just the start of the story. Because had this betrayal not happened, the crucifixion might not have happened. The resurrection might not have happened. And truly, the resurrection is the bedrock of the Christian faith, the the foundation of all that we believe. So back to this betrayal story.
Lora Cheadle [00:11:56]:
Judas comes up to Jesus in the garden, and he kisses him. His kiss was the symbol to the guards to arrest Jesus. When the guard is trying to arrest Jesus, Peter, one of the other disciples, comes to Jesus’s aid, and he pulls out his sword and he cuts off the ear of the guard. Now Jesus does not want to fight. And in fact, he instructs Peter to return your sword to its sleeve. And then he cautions him, those who take up the sword will also perish by the sword. And this is one of my favorite parts of the story of Jesus’s betrayal because it shows that Jesus did not go into a state of revenge, of hate, of trying to do something bad or violent or something to perpetuate more evil. Even though he knew his arrest was not gonna lead to anything good, he still did not fight.
Lora Cheadle [00:13:12]:
And I know that is so powerful because so many times when we find that we’ve been betrayed, what we wanna do is get even. We wanna make it right here and now, and we want to exert our own authority, our own force, our own will in making it right. I know I’m gonna revenge cheat, or I know I’m gonna call these people and I’m gonna let them know, and then I’m gonna call over here, and then I’m gonna expose over there. And really? When you get down to what’s really happening there, it’s perpetuating more bad. I know you were hurt. I was hurt too. But that was one of the things that really, really kept me sane and allowed me to heal was that clear grip on who I am and what I do. And what I know and what I knew then was that I do not intentionally wreak havoc, create evil, do anything that is not from a place of love and goodness and kindness.
Lora Cheadle [00:14:26]:
Now that’s not to say that I haven’t made mistakes. Of course, I have made mistakes. Of course, I have done bad things. But in that moment, after I learned of my husband’s betrayal, I knew that I wanted to rage, and I knew that I wanted to do things that weren’t very good or kind or or gentle or loving. And I was also very clear that that wasn’t who I was. And that’s what I really love about Jesus telling Peter, put your sword away. We’re not gonna go there. We’re not gonna do this because when you start doing this, now you become as bad as Judas.
Lora Cheadle [00:15:11]:
Now you become a traitor too. Now you become evil as well. And that’s one of the foundational things that I work with when I work with women is that untangling untangling who you are, what your values and morals and beliefs are from those of your spouses. It is not about pointing fingers and saying your spouse is bad, evil, awful. We don’t know if Judas was bad, evil, awful, and terrible or if what he did was the necessary catalyst to create the rest of the story. And from where I stand, I truly believe that Judas was the necessary catalyst to create the rest of the story. So let’s move through the rest of that story. Jesus is arrested.
Lora Cheadle [00:16:12]:
He’s crucified. It’s a terrible crucifixion. It’s a terrible death. At the moment that he takes his last breath, the earth quakes, a temple curtain rips open, Other tombs open up. His body is taken from the cross. He’s anointed. He’s wrapped in linens. He’s put in the tomb.
Lora Cheadle [00:16:37]:
A huge boulder is rolled in front of the tomb. Three days later, we have the resurrection of Christ. The big boulder is rolled away from the tomb. He is seen. He makes his appearance to his disciples, to Mary Magdalene. They see his hands and his feet with the nail holes. They see that this resurrection has taken place, and that resurrection is the foundation of the Christian faith. It’s the bedrock of Christianity.
Lora Cheadle [00:17:18]:
Had he not been crucified in this way, had he not had the resurrection and had this experience, we wouldn’t have the rest of the story. We wouldn’t have this atonement and and resurrection. We wouldn’t have this mission that Jesus and his disciples started. We wouldn’t have had this mission spread to us today, maybe at all, but definitely not within the same way. Otherwise, it could have just been another preacher with a message. It was the betrayal that set everything else in motion. And that’s what I want to talk about today. What did your betrayal set in motion? What if, like Jesus, somewhere inside your soul, your heart, your head, you knew that at some point this betrayal was going to happen.
Lora Cheadle [00:18:30]:
That your partner, the one that you loved, the one that you trusted, was going to betray you. And then my question is, like Jesus, if you knew that it was going to be the catalyst for this amazing rest of the story that had the potential to save humanity, Would you knowingly let that betrayal take place? And I think for most of us, the answer is a resounding yes. Yes. This is not what I wanna go through. This is not what I wanna experience. But if this is the thing that starts everything else and creates a lot of good, then, yes, I am willing to hold this in order for the rest of the story to take place, in order for the rest of the good to unfold. So what about you? What could your betrayal be the catalyst for? How does reframing the story of your betrayal and what, quote, unquote, happened to you look different when you see it in the same light of what, quote, unquote, happened to Jesus. Jesus did not fall into victim stance and say, oh my god.
Lora Cheadle [00:20:07]:
This is so awful and it’s so terrible and I can’t continue my ministry. And the rest of you disciples, let’s all gang up together and this is just awful. He moved through with grace and with a knowledge that things were going to be better. Not only better, but more powerful. How would you be handling your situation right now? Here. Today. If you knew that on the other side of your betrayal, on the other side of your crucifixion, because, oh, boy, just going through a betrayal feel like being crucified. My heart was shattered.
Lora Cheadle [00:20:57]:
I felt the crown of thorns. I felt the nails, not in my hands and feet, but in my heart and my soul. Hanging on the cross among criminals, suffering, not being able to breathe, bleeding out. Yeah. Isn’t that how we all feel? It is. But what’s on the other side of that? What happens after the resurrection? And I’d like you to take some time to ponder that, to reframe your journey, betrayal, crucifixion, and resurrection. What good are you going to bring from this? Because this did happen to you, but this happened to you in the best possible way that this happened to you. There’s always that reframe that it didn’t happen to you.
Lora Cheadle [00:22:01]:
It happened for you. And, yes, I believe that. But it also happened to you for a person, for a purpose. To you, not just to any random person, but to you because of the gifts that you have, because of the good that you can create in the world. Betrayal feels specific, and it is specific. Betrayal feels specific and painful because it cuts to the core of who you are. And when you have been cut to the core of who you are, what good is going to pour out? What changes are you going to make? What is going to happen because this happened to you? Had another disciple been crucified? Had Judas gone up to a different disciple and kissed them and betrayed them, it’s not the same. It was personal towards Jesus in the same way it’s personal towards you.
Lora Cheadle [00:23:07]:
You have light to bring forward into the world because of what happened to you. Of that, I am absolutely certain. And if you’re still sitting here thinking, I don’t know. This is just awful. I hear you, but not me. Wrong person. Sorry. I am gonna challenge you on that because this is personal to you.
Lora Cheadle [00:23:40]:
And no matter what your spiritual or religious beliefs, this betrayal was the catalyst. It is the thing that started the rest of the journey. And even though you may still be in crucifixion mode, in dark night of the soul mode, It is imperative that you do not forget that the resurrection is coming, and you need to be prepared for that. There was even a quote somewhere at the Last Supper where Jesus said something to Judas in terms of, like, hurry up and get this over with. If you’re gonna do it, do it now. Let’s get it done and move on. And not that all grief can be rushed, but when you approach your grief with a perspective of let’s move through this, let me rage and cry and sob and curl up on the floor because then it’ll be done, and now I can have the rest of the story. Then that is powerful.
Lora Cheadle [00:24:51]:
It is extraordinarily powerful. Now the story of Jesus, the resurrection, the crucifixion, the betrayal is really the story of Easter. And I want you to think about all of the secular things that have to do with Easter. It’s also takes place on the spring, the spring equinox. In every single religion, in every single culture, there’s ceremonies around spring. And spring always has to do with rebirth, reawakening, birthing the new. Yay. We’re about to have summer and flowers and new life and babies.
Lora Cheadle [00:25:40]:
It’s all about that rebirth and that reawakening. It’s all about resurrection. But here’s what I wanna get really, really specific about. What happens before birth? What happens before new life? What happens before resurrection? Breakage, cracks, destruction. We have Easter eggs. How do you eat an Easter egg? You crack the shell, and you peel that shell away. You destroy this beautiful brightly colored Easter egg to get at the yummy stuff inside. Even if it’s not an Easter egg, even if it’s a real egg that is birthing a new chick, how does the baby chick get out? Peck, peck, peck, it cracks that shell.
Lora Cheadle [00:26:39]:
It destroys the shell. It breaks the shell in order to get out. Let’s look at the way other animals, including humans, mammals, birth. The baby comes violently out of the mother. Yes. Birth is normal. Yes. Birth is natural.
Lora Cheadle [00:27:02]:
Yes. Birth can happen on a whole range of, like, totally traumatic to totally not traumatic. But regardless, it’s a pretty big traumatic event where this baby comes squishing out in pretty dramatic fashion. And oftentimes, yes, there’s tearing. The mother is not destroyed, but it’s a difficult process. Nobody ever, just like, woo hoo, pops out a baby and moves on and has no effects. Rebirth is difficult in the same way birth is difficult. Yet for some reason, we have this illusion that as we grow and change and rebirth in life, that we don’t have to crack the egg in order to get out, that we don’t have to destroy the casing of the old in order to, you know, move into the new thing, whether it’s the cocoon or the chrysalis.
Lora Cheadle [00:28:07]:
We have this idea that we can just, like, escape blissfully into resurrection, rebirth, springtime, blah blah blah blah blah. Even a seed. A seed is this tiny little, you know, seed, and it cracks. And then the casing of the seed is destroyed for the new plant to grow. Buds. Buds on trees. They crack. They unfurl.
Lora Cheadle [00:28:32]:
It’s a painful, difficult, unfurling process. It is no different for us in our lives. Rebirth is messy. Resurrection is messy. Creating the rest of the story is messy, and it’s okay to be messy. It’s okay to be scared. It’s okay to destroy some of the old in order to make room for the new. We love our Easter eggs.
Lora Cheadle [00:29:12]:
They’re beautiful. They are decorated so well. But what would it be like if we were always too afraid to crack them and to peel them? That cooked egg inside would rot. It would be no use to anybody. It would rot, and it wouldn’t help.
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Lora Cheadle [00:29:59]:
Don’t let your betrayal go to waste. And I know that might sound strange, but don’t let your betrayal rot. Crack out of whatever it is that is holding you in. Let yourself unfurl and be reborn. Having a broken heart is not the end of the story. Just like having nail holes in your hands and your feet is not the end of the story. You have been pierced so light can shine through. You have been cracked open so you can let more love pour in and around and through you.
Lora Cheadle [00:30:52]:
Yes. You were broken. There’s nothing wrong with feeling broken. The only thing that is wrong is stopping and then saying, oh, no. I was broken. My heart was broken. My hands were pierced. My life was shattered and then stopping.
Lora Cheadle [00:31:17]:
Don’t stop. Ask yourself what is the rest of the story. And here’s the thing. You may or may not know what the rest of that story is, and that is okay too. You don’t need to see a year down the road, five years down the road, ten years down the road. All you need to be doing is looking down the road to be looking in the right direction. At the point of Jesus’ crucifixion and then subsequent resurrection, I’m not sure how far ahead his disciples could look, how they would understand the power of the movement of Christianity, of how it would spread, of what it would turn into in one year, let alone five years, let alone hundreds of years. And neither do you.
Lora Cheadle [00:32:20]:
All you need to do is stay grounded in that moment, in that knowledge that a betrayal story, sadly, is a very primal story. All humans face betrayal just as Jesus faced betrayal. All humans will be betrayed. And that the only thing that really matters is what will I do because of it? How will I write the rest of the story because of the way that I was betrayed? And keeping in mind the whole concept of spring and Easter, a new life, and the breaking away and the shedding of the old in order to reveal something new, something better, something more brilliant. If you’re having a hard time with that, I really do invite you to reach out to me. You can send me an email, laura@lauracheadle.com. You can find me across social. And I’d like you to ask, to write it out, to challenge me, to tell me your story that this is what’s going on, and this is where I’m at, and this is what I can’t see.
Lora Cheadle [00:34:03]:
Because so often in the writing out of our story, we start seeing the light. We start seeing the blessing. And even though we can’t feel it quite yet because it’s too early, and that’s okay too, We can just start having hope. Again, like spring, longer days. Every single day, there’s a little more light. Every single day, you should have a little more hope. Every single day, you will glean a little bit more understanding about this situation and why it happened to you, not in terms of why did it happen to me, but in terms of awe. Why did it happen to me? What do I have to give? What do I have to bring forth? Why did this happen to me? And to ask that question with wonderment and with awe and to see what comes up.
Lora Cheadle [00:35:17]:
And I would like you to share that with me. But I’d also be interested in having you chat and share with other survivors of infidelity and betrayal to champion each other to the kind of growth and healing that we’re all looking for. If you haven’t already, you can join my Flaunt Flock Facebook group or where you can interact with other people or where you can start sharing your journey and asking, what does this look like to you? Why is this a catalyst for me? Why me? Why me? And where you too can start getting some of the answers to some of your most difficult questions, to some of the things that are confusing you. That might be bringing you down, holding you back, and keeping you locked in that place of resentment or pain or anger or bitterness or resentment or even paralysis. Because the truth is you don’t have to keep obsessing over this. You don’t have to keep yourself in pain. You can relax and let go and heal and create something better, but like spring, like plants and flowers and baby chicks and baby lambs and all the little happy animals that we’re about to have because it’s about to be spring. Growth is a process.
Lora Cheadle [00:37:07]:
Growing up is a process. We get rained on. We get hailed on. There’s storms. Sometimes we lack fertilizer and water and enough sun, but growth always does find a way. And that’s what I wanna leave you with, that it is a process. We are about to move into spring and summer and wherever you are in the world, whether you’re listening to this right now in the spring or later on, it is your season of growth. It is your season of growth.
Lora Cheadle [00:37:52]:
It’s not your afternoon of growth or your day of growth, but it is your season of growth. And I want you to honor yourself for the process, for the strength, for the willingness you have to allow the process to happen, and to keep comparing yourself and your betrayal story to the most famous betrayal story of all times, the betrayal of Jesus by Judas. Draw whatever parallels you can that will help you in your situation. And in light of the whole phrase, what would Jesus do? This is really the perfect time to ask yourself that question. What would Jesus do? Because in many regards, you have the example for what did he do? He offered love. He offered compassion and understanding. And even as he lay dying on the cross, he said, forgive them. They know not what they do.
Lora Cheadle [00:39:18]:
How can you, through your betrayal story and recovery, Use this as a catalyst for the rest of the story and to be more like Jesus. Not from an egotistical place of, yeah, I am so like Jesus. I am awesome. But from a place of, I can have peace, and I can have so much understanding and wisdom and certainty. Jesus had complete certainty that this is going to work out. He had complete certainty that this was the foundational thing that had to happen, and that he was a player in this drama, and that Judas was a player in this drama, and that this is what had to happen in order for everything that he wanted to happen in the end to happen. So how can you be more like Jesus in terms of how can you be more certain? How can you be a % certain that no matter what happens, your story is going to work out fine? Not only fine, but it’s going to work out for everybody’s best interest and highest good. And that’s what I wanna leave you with this season, this day, is a prayer, a wish for certainty.
Lora Cheadle [00:40:51]:
Certainty that whatever happens, this betrayal was a catalyst that is going to launch you into the rest of your story. What is it that you are going to create? We are going to take a quick break for a word from our newest sponsor, one that I’m really excited to share with you. And then when we come back, we’re going to talk about ideas ideas for what it is that you might want to create. Because if you’re anything like me, I would vacillate on between like, oh my gosh. This is gonna be amazing. I’m gonna do all these incredible things, and I’m gonna be so happy, and this is gonna be a great brand new life for me, and it’s a fresh start, and then despair, and then everything in between. So what I’m going to do for the second half of the show is really walk you through some of the prompts, some of the questions that I use when I’m coaching my women one on one that really help them see what might be possible for them. I know I’ve asked that question a lot in the first half of the show.
Lora Cheadle [00:42:09]:
What are you gonna do? What are you gonna create? What what what what what? But in the second half of the show, stick with me because we’re going to actually start bouncing off some ideas and looking at things from a new, very fresh, very exciting perspective. So stick with this. We’ll be right back, and you will be glad that you did. Do you see now why I wanted to re air this episode? There’s just a lot to think of. And especially since this show is being dropped on Easter Sunday, I just couldn’t resist. So in terms of what to do next, what I want you to do next is two things. First, I want you to go to betrayal recovery guide, that’s betrayalrecoveryguide.com, and download your free betrayal recovery guide. In it, there are five tools and five tricks that will help you walk through the pain of betrayal and rise anew on the other side.
Lora Cheadle [00:43:13]:
The second thing that I really want you to do is like, subscribe, or review this show. Reviews make a huge difference, so let people know what we’re all about. Let people know that we are a community that is focused on way more than healing. We are focusing on growth and personal transformation and owning it, and that we’re not here to bash people or to whine or to give people a pass. We’re really here to step into our full power and grow. So betrayalrecoveryguide.com and like, subscribe, and pretty, pretty, pretty, please leave a review. And now for the rest of the show. And we are back.
Lora Cheadle [00:44:00]:
For the second half of the show, as promised, I’m going to walk you through some of the coaching activities that I do with my women when I’m coaching them, and I’m going to give you some very specific ideas for how to tap into your potential, how to go inside and actually start figuring out what is it that I might want to create, who am I, and how can I use this betrayal for good? Okay. The first thing that I often have my women do is make a list. I’m a big proponent of writing things out because writing is a subconscious behavior, so it really taps into the subconscious portion of our mind, and it affirms things for us. And when we start going off on a tangent and taking a deep dive into grief or pain or negative thinking, it’s really nice to have something that we can refer back to and look at. So one of the first things that I have my women do is I have them write down a list of the top 20 things that they really do appreciate about themselves, that they like about themselves. And it doesn’t have to be grandiose. It doesn’t have to be anything. It’s just things that you like about yourself.
Lora Cheadle [00:45:24]:
It can be I like my nose. It can be I’m really, really good at gardening. It can be I always know how to manage animals. It can be that you synthesize information quickly. It doesn’t matter. I just want you to think. And and the point of it is not to judge, but to just think about those top 20 things that you really appreciate about yourself. And after you write it down, don’t second guess.
Lora Cheadle [00:45:58]:
Don’t allow yourself to start scratching things off. If you come up with more than 20, perfect. Write down more than 20. That’s fine. But I want you to come up with at least 20. And then I’d like you to either write it in pretty cursive handwriting or make it pretty somehow. Even if it’s using, like, a pretty font and printing it out on your laptop, I want you to have that list somewhere that you can refer to it. When you’re feeling down, when you’re feeling like I’m a victim, I am a total victim, and I have nothing to offer, and I hate all of this, and this is awful, go back to that list and remind yourself of the things that you like about yourself.
Lora Cheadle [00:46:56]:
And when you refer to that list, remember that other people see more in you than you see in yourself. And then here’s the kicker. Sometimes when people don’t see something in us that we want them to see, it’s because we’re not seeing it in ourself. When other people aren’t seeing us, aren’t connecting with us, aren’t treating us the way that we wanna be treated, oftentimes, it’s because we’re not seeing that in ourselves, or we’re not honoring ourselves in that same way. So after you make your list of the top 20 things that you really just like about yourself, Give it a break, come back, and then write a list of the top 20 ways you want to be treated in a relationship. And whether it’s a friendship, a marriage, a work relationship, just write the top 20 things that you want in a relationship. Clear communication, compassion, caring, mutual respect, romance, support, whatever it is. And I want you to be specific about what that means.
Lora Cheadle [00:48:42]:
Because it’s one thing to say, I want mutual respect, and it’s another thing to say, mutual respect looks this way. And this is what I mean, and this is what I will be doing, and this is what I want to be receiving. And then chill out a little bit and make this list pretty too. In this list, you can edit. This list, you can adjust. Because so often we end up in relationships by default. We don’t really know what we want until we get something and then we go, well, this isn’t it. This isn’t the thing that I want.
Lora Cheadle [00:49:25]:
And now I know. If you were anything like me, I never specifically thought that I don’t want a partner who cheats on me. Like, that didn’t even come up to my level of awareness. Of course, our wedding vows said, you know, we will forsake others. I thought that was just such a clear assumption that I didn’t even really give it thought. It’s not my fault that I didn’t give it thought. It’s just that until it happened to me, I never processed, oh, yeah. This is really important to me.
Lora Cheadle [00:49:57]:
So I would have never put that on my list. So give yourself time making your list of 20 things that you really want in a relationship. And, again, because this is focused around betrayal, it can be a romantic relationship or a partnership. But if you are still in the place where you’re like, never again. I am just not interested, then make it another kind of relationship. Parenting, friends, coworker, whatever. Because even though all relationships are different, they also have a lot of common denominators. So just just be basic there and make your list for the relationship.
Lora Cheadle [00:50:36]:
Once you’ve spent a few days going through that second list and cleaning it up, I want you to make it nice, and I want you to print that out too so you can physically, in both hands, hold sheets of paper with one, your list of the things that you really like about yourself and two, the list of the things that you want out of a relationship. Then I want you to kind of compare them. And I recognize that it’s not like apples to apples. It it’s kind of an apples to orange comparison. But what you’re doing is you’re going through and you’re noticing your gifts. The things that you like about yourself are your gifts. So the things that you’re wanting in a relationship, do they tie to those gifts? If you’re organized, if you are resourceful, if you are good with kids, if you are whatever it is, does that tie? Do these two lists look like they would come together? The person that you’re calling in in your relationship list, is that kind of a person going to appreciate the qualities that you have? And like I said, it’s kinda apples to oranges. It’s a difficult comparison sometimes, but are you calling in the kind of person that brings out your gifts? Are you calling in somebody who is going to value your organization, your friendliness, your desires for whatever it is? Do those lists kind of make sense? And if they do, that’s wonderful.
Lora Cheadle [00:52:27]:
But please know that for many of us, when we start looking at those lists side by side, we kinda go, wow. If I were writing a romance, this person and this person might not come together. I don’t really understand how these people would make it work. And, again, just spending some time with that. You might wanna edit your list for what you need in a relationship a little bit more based on your gifts. If you were a deeply spiritual person, are you calling in another deeply spiritual person? If you value achievement, are you calling in another person who values achievement? If one of the things that you like most about yourself is your physical abilities, your abilities to move and hike and dance and climb and play, Is that something you’re calling in in a partner? And it’s just interesting to sit with. It’s just interesting to be with and just kind of notice and adjust along the way. And then the third and the final step in this process and, again, this can take place over a series of days, a series of weeks.
Lora Cheadle [00:53:59]:
But it’s taking that list of what you want in a relationship, and then it’s turning that into some specific affirmations for yourself. I desire. I deserve. Relationships give me. And making that connection between I desire mutual respect. I deserve somebody who is willing to do the work to make sure we’re communicating well. And then tying that again to your list of things that you appreciate about yourself with a because. I want or I desire whatever it is that you want or desire because and then tying it to the list of something that you appreciate in yourself.
Lora Cheadle [00:55:09]:
So I might say I desire somebody who is fierce and bold in his determination to fight for what’s right, to let truth prevail, and to speak his truth, and to speak my truth on my behalf. Because I am a seeker of truth, because I always fight for what’s right, because I’m not afraid to do the hard thing. So it becomes an affirmation and an understanding and a tie back to who you are. And that is one of the most powerful ways that we can create change, that we can make sure that this betrayal was a catalyst for something positive because we’re creating that positive thing right then and there. Tying together our top 20 list of the things that we appreciate about ourselves and like about ourselves with the top 20 things that we like in a relationship and putting that all together. You may or may not know depending on how often you have listened to my show, but my husband and I have worked things out. We are both happier in our relationship than we ever were before, which is not to say that we still don’t have difficult times, but we are happier. We are more solid.
Lora Cheadle [00:56:58]:
And that is because we have done this kind of an exercise. I know what I value in myself. He knows what he values in himself. I know what I want in a relationship. He knows what he wants in a relationship, and we know how that desire ties back into one of our core values. I want somebody who is spiritually connected because I value my connection to spirit so much. He wants somebody who is kind and compassionate because he values his tender heart. See how that works? It becomes this perfect balance of desires and needs and gifts.
Lora Cheadle [00:57:54]:
And that way we each elevate each other in our desires. It’s not that I am lacking and he fills a gap or that he is lacking and that I fill a gap. It’s that we’re very solid in the because of what it is that we value and appreciate about ourselves. And you don’t have to stay together with a person to do this. This is whether you’re staying with somebody whether you’re separating, whether you want a new relationship, or whether you’re not ready for that yet. It doesn’t matter. This is where you should start. This is the foundation of figuring out what is the rest of the story.
Lora Cheadle [00:58:37]:
The betrayal was the catalyst. Now what’s gonna happen? What’s gonna happen is you’re gonna get really, really, really clear on what you value about yourself, what you like about yourself, and what you want in other relationships, and how you deserve that, and what you might need to do in order to make that happen. And that’s where the whole beauty of this process is. Once you’re really clear on what I want and why, then it starts becoming clear. Oh, I might need to move. I might need to go back to school. I might need to go back and reconnect with some people in my past. I might need to pick up this hobby again.
Lora Cheadle [00:59:21]:
I might need to change my health. I need to adopt a shelter pet and go play with cats. I need to start a garden. I need to bike again. I need to get some girlfriends. I need to study. It becomes really, really, really clear what you need to do. So especially if you are feeling confused, I urge you to do this.
Lora Cheadle [00:59:46]:
And like I said, this is one of the first exercises that I do when I am coaching my women one on one over their six month package. Find out what you appreciate about yourself, the top 20 things, make it pretty. List the top 20 things you want in a relationship, make it pretty, and then start connecting those. And you don’t have to connect them one to one to one to one to one to one. Sometimes there’s gonna be, like, two or three things that you like about yourself that tie to one relationship thing. Just do your best. It doesn’t have to be even. Just come up with the top few things.
Lora Cheadle [01:00:29]:
I’ve said it before. You can always reach out to me for help. I love helping people. Lora at Lora Cheadle dot com. If you celebrate Easter and if you were listening to this when this show drops, happy Easter. Have an amazing spring. May your heart may your soul and may your whole life blossom into something even more beautiful than you have ever imagined. Because like Jesus, this betrayal was not the ending of the story.
Lora Cheadle [01:01:04]:
This betrayal was the catalyst in the beginning of your story. So have an amazing week. And as usual, always remember to flaunt everything that you are because who you are is always more than enough.
Lora Cheadle [01:01:23]:
Tune in next time to flaunt, find your sparkle, and create a life you love after infidelity or betrayal with Lora Cheadle every Wednesday at 7AM and 7PM Eastern Standard Time on syndicated DreamVision seven radio network. Uncover the truth of what’s possible for you on the other side of betrayal and develop the skills and strategies necessary to embrace the future and flourish today. Download your free betrayal recovery toolkit at betrayalrecoveryguide.com.