Thank you to BetterHelp for sponsoring this podcast! Take charge of your mental health and get 10% off your first month of therapy at https://BetterHelp.com/FLAUNT

Narrator [00:00:01]:

 

You’re listening to FLAUNT!, find your sparkle, and create a life you love after infidelity or Have you been betrayed by life, your body, or someone that you love? You’re not alone. No matter what you’ve been through, naked self worth helps you regain confidence, joy, and enthusiasm so you can create a life you love and flourish. Tune in weekly and learn how.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:00:30]:

 

Hello, and welcome to FLAUNT!. Find your sparkle and create a life you love After infidelity or betrayal. I’m Lora Cheadle. I’ll tell you a little bit more about who I am and what I believe in a moment. But first, I wanna launch into what this show is going to be about because I love it, and I know you are going to love it. This show is about finding and sustaining inner peace. I know. Right? Especially now in the holiday season, we hear so much about peace on Earth and, you know, feeling the magic of the season, and Peace is something that we all talk about.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:01:12]:

 

Everybody wants inner peace. Everybody wants peace, peace, peace, peace, peace, peace. But if everybody wants it, It begs the question, why is nobody getting it? Because really, how many people do you know in your world who are like, you know what? I just walk around with a sense of inner peace every day. Nothing faces me. I’m all good. If you’re anything like me, you can’t really pinpoint a lot of people who are like that. And if you’re anything like me, you don’t always feel that sense of inner peace either, especially When times are tough, when you’re facing a crisis, when people around you aren’t cooperating. It’s so easy to get spun up into how stupid other people are or how uninformed other people are or how people just don’t get it.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:02:10]:

 

And that’s what we’re gonna do today is we’re gonna break down inner peace so you can feel and claim that sense of inner peace For yourself, no matter what happens, no matter what happens around you Or even within you. So I said I was gonna say a little bit about myself, and now is the time that I’m gonna do that. I am Lora Cheadle. I’m an attorney, a speaker, and a betrayal recovery coach. And I powerfully, firmly believe the betrayal uncovers the truth. Not only does betrayal uncover the truth about your partner and what they did, But it also really uncovers the truth about EU. It uncovers the truth about your potential. It uncovers the truth about your power.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:03:14]:

 

It uncovers the truth about who you were put on Earth to be. It uncovers the truth about all of the ways you are betraying yourself, settling for less, striving for more, And not living to the absolute fullness. So that’s what this show is about. That’s what my coaching is about. It’s about helping you uncover What is possible for you? It’s about helping you reveal all of the glorious things about you, Not only to yourself, but to the whole world. I really like to say, I believe that knowing yourself and showing yourself can change the world. Know yourself and show yourself. Because if you know yourself, you know how to show up authentically.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:04:15]:

 

Authenticity is such a big buzzword right now, but how do you have authenticity if you don’t know who you are? You’ve gotta know yourself and show yourself. Know yourself and show yourself. And in order to do that, you have to be comfortable with yourself. And when you know yourself and when you show yourself and when you’re comfortable with yourself, That’s when you find inner peace. And I think that’s why so many people out there don’t have inner inner peace. They don’t know themselves. They’re masking. They’re playing roles.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:04:52]:

 

They’re pretending. They don’t show themselves. They they only show the good parts. Imposter syndrome. Oh, I’m not gonna show that I’m afraid. And if you don’t know yourself and you don’t show yourself, How can you ever find that sense of inner peace? And that’s what today’s show is about. It’s about cultivating the tools And the habits necessary to be okay on the inside even when things are crazy and spun up on the outside So that no matter what, you can find, and then maybe more importantly, return to that sense of inner peace. Okay.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:05:33]:

 

Let’s start by talking about what blocks you from having the kind of inner peace that you desire. Well, I think we already covered a little bit of that. Not knowing yourself and not showing yourself means that you’re not comfortable. And if you don’t know yourself and you don’t show yourself and you’re not comfortable, how can you have inner peace? We live in this world where really very few people know how to find or sustain inner peace. We are taught on a daily basis that we need to project and we need to defend who we are, The decisions that we make. If you’re not really sure what I’m meaning by project and defend, I want you to think about religion, Politics. All the rhetoric around elections and the COVID pandemic. How often Are you encouraged to other people who are different than you? How often Are you encouraged to be like, oh, well, they don’t believe in vaccines and they don’t believe in masks, so I get a hate on them.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:06:50]:

 

They are misinformed. We are encouraged to other people who are different than us. We are not encouraged to step back and to ground into our common humanity. Truly, how often have you ever watched a news cycle or been in the middle of a contentious conversation? Have you ever had somebody say, you know what? Let’s take a break here. We probably all want to love and be loved. We probably all want our children to grow up happy and healthy. We probably all want meaning and satisfaction in life. Sure.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:07:30]:

 

We may have different ways of going about that, and we may have some different beliefs around that. But let’s stop for a moment, and let’s see each other as humans. We’re all fragile and scared. We’re all doing the best that we can with the resources that we have. That doesn’t happen. And I really think that is the number one reason why so many people don’t have that sense of inner peace Because we’re encouraged to be an island unto ourselves, because we’re encouraged to make everybody else who doesn’t think like us wrong. So projecting and defending, those are the 2 words that I used. Projecting is projecting who I am to everybody else.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:08:17]:

 

Going out and being like, I am Christian. I am Democrat. I am an anti vaxxer. Like, whatever it is. We are told to go out and then to project who we are, to stand up for who we are, that we need this freedom to be who we are. And it’s like, you know, true freedom oftentimes is quietly being who we are, not projecting it in other people’s faces. And then as far as defending, that is us having to defend our position. Well, this is why I’m staying with my husband.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:08:53]:

 

Well, you don’t understand. This is what’s happening. Wait. This is you don’t wait. Wait. Well, this is wrong. This is right. This is what he’s doing.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:09:00]:

 

This is what she’s doing. This is what I believe. You’re gonna get punished by God if you don’t do this. You’re gonna defending is talking and trying to rationalize or justify your position. And the thing is you don’t have to rationalize or justify your position to anyone for any reason ever. You don’t have to defend who you are. You don’t have to defend why you believe something, why you hold a value, why Why you think something is to be true, and to live from that point of view, you don’t ever have to defend yourself. And when we are settled and comfortable in ourselves and what’s important to us, there is no need then To climb up on a soapbox and start projecting your beliefs to others or trying to sway them to your side of the argument.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:09:55]:

 

And then that need to defend, to respond to judgment, because this is really about responding to judgment, Disappears because we’re comfortable enough. We’re okay. We are okay on the inside no matter what people think of us because I’m okay with me, and I’m allowing you to be okay with you. And that is truly, ultimately, what inner peace is all about. It’s being okay. It’s being okay. It’s being okay specifically no matter what, no matter if somebody has cheated on you, No matter if somebody has lied to you, no matter if you can’t get off the floor because you keep crying, no matter what, You can have inner peace inside. Okay.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:10:54]:

 

In order to have inner peace inside, There are a couple of things that you need to do first. And as I said earlier, today, I’m going to give you the skills and the habits and the tools To cultivate a sense of inner peace. 1st, we’re going to talk about rest. Second, we are going to talk about stillness. And 3rd, we are going to talk about inner peace because we need rest and we need stillness first Before we get to inner peace. And, yes, I’m actually also going to give you some activities That I would like you to do to support getting you to the place where you can have inner peace. So let’s start with the idea of rest. And you might be thinking, rest? Yes.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:11:48]:

 

You need to be well rested in order to have inner peace. Being rested is a precursor to having inner peace. Being rested is where you need To start, if you ever hope to be okay on the inside on a continued basis. Okay. Anyone who has ever been tired Really knows that when you’re tired, you don’t have as much capacity as you do when you are well rested. You’ll also know that you’re not as resourceful or creative or engaged and engaging or as happy when you’re tired as you are when you’re well rested. And so often, we think That we’re giving ourselves rest. And then we’re like, why am I always tired? Gosh, I’m really trying to take care of myself.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:12:45]:

 

I’m doing this self care thing, and I just don’t feel good. Well, that’s because so many of the things that we do every day that we think of as rest Do not provide rest. I know. Right? There is a difference between rest and distraction. And in this crazy world, we have been taught that distraction is rest, And distraction is not rest. So let’s start by defining rest. Because I’m a lawyer, I like definitions. Rest is something that leaves you feeling energized, awake, Enthusiastic, filled up, fueled up, and ready to take on the world.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:13:44]:

 

Distractions do not leave you feeling awake and energized and rested. They’ll leave you feeling okay enough to return to work or to return to life, but kind of in a resigned sort of a way like, Okay. I’m done playing Tetris, and now I guess I need to go back to figuring out the rest of my life. Distractions also tend to leave you craving more distractions. God, I can’t wait for another episode. I had to quit binge watching tonight, but I just can’t wait For tomorrow. Distractions numb you out. They distract you from yourself, From your feelings, from what’s going on in your life and in your environment.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:14:33]:

 

And not But it’s bad to sometimes give yourself that sense of distraction, but it does not give you rest. So be clear with your language. I am such a proponent of clear language. If you say I am going to distract myself by scrolling mindlessly on Instagram, You’re in alignment with yourself. You’re being true to yourself because you are going to go distract yourself and scroll mindlessly on Instagram. And that’s fine, But don’t think that it’s gonna give you rest. Don’t think it’s a break. It’s not a break.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:15:07]:

 

It’s not filling you up. It’s distracting you. Again, rest fills you up. It provides you the energy you need to be able to sit with yourself, To sit with your feelings, to be in your crazy mixed up life. Rest fills you up, distractions distract. Common list of distractions. I know. I know.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:15:34]:

 

There’s so many of them. You’re like, oh, oh, Netflix and chill. Binge watching things on TV. TV is a distraction even if It’s educational TV. I have downloaded things like, you know, the Gaia app, and, yes, I watch educational meaningful TV. It is still a distraction. It’s not rest. If you think I’m just gonna have a drink to relax or a dessert as a reward because I’ve been working really hard Or if you just find yourself meandering into the kitchen and snacking, that’s a distraction.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:16:11]:

 

I hate to tell you, but social media is a distraction. Browsing the Internet is a distraction. Watching YouTube is a distraction. Scrolling. Checking your email incessantly is a distraction. Playing video games is a distraction. Anything what anytime you’re dinking around with your phone, I’m just gonna go through my photos. I’m gonna clear things off.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:16:36]:

 

I’m gonna apps. Mostly, they’re just distractions. Another big distraction is getting overly involved with other people or their lives or gossiping about them. Did you know what that teacher is doing? Do you know what my neighbor is doing? Oh my gosh. My mom needs this over here, and then my aunt needs that. Blah blah blah blah. Distraction. Shopping.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:17:00]:

 

Not like going to the grocery store and getting your food, but Amazon shopping. How many of you have too Too many Amazon packages showing up at the front door every day. Me overworking. That was my big distraction to get me through infidelity. I can’t sit with my feelings. I’m gonna work. I’m gonna write a book. I’m I’m gonna build a website.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:17:22]:

 

I’m gonna build a whole new coaching practice, and I’m gonna revamp everything that I’ve ever done. Another distraction is just multitasking in everything that you do every single day. I’m gonna brush my teeth while listening to this, while taking care of this, While cleaning my sink, while multitasking incessantly is a way to keep your mind so busy and so distracted That you can’t focus on what you need to focus on. So as a reminder, rest returns you to the essence of who you are. Rest allows you to remember who you are so you know yourself so you can show yourself so you can find inner peace. Rest. Examples of rest. Being mindful, Whether it’s just taking a walk and being mindful, whether it’s working mindfully, meditation, like actually sitting down and meditating, Exercise, dance, stretching, yoga, all of those things that you have to do and coordinate with your body.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:18:29]:

 

Breath work. Counting in for a count of 4, holding for a count of 4, exhaling for a count of 4, Holding for a count of 4, mindful breath work, reading, reading a good book. Not necessarily reading for spiritual growth, but reading for fun. Taking a bath or a shower And enjoying it, not being like, I gotta get clean and move on, but really enjoying it. Hot tubs, saunas, things like that. Massage. Whether it’s a massage from somebody else or some kind of a self touch where you are mindfully putting on lotion, where you’re rubbing Your shoulders, your neck, your legs as you put on that lotion. Taking a nap, listening to music, and I mean really listening to it, Not just having it on in the background or singing mindlessly to it, but noticing.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:19:28]:

 

Classical is great because it’s got the different layers. Listen for the different layers, even in pop music. Where’s the drum? Where’s the guitar? What are the horns? Is it synthesizer? Really listen. Creating any time of any type of art like painting or pottery or those coloring books or photography or woodworking, Even decorating or redecorating the home or aggressor or reorganizing your closet, that can be a real big creative act That provides rest. Being in nature is very restful, looking at animals, playing with animals, petting your dog, Playing with your cats, engaging with trees or plants, digging, being in water, being on water, Boating, paddle boarding, fishing, whatever it is. Engaging in hobbies that you truly love, Especially solo activities where you’re not competing with other people, but where you can really get in and focus on the game and the skills in your body. Over Thanksgiving, I was practicing shooting pool. And it’s like, you know, your hand and your arm and the lining and the leg and the, Like, you’re focusing on a lot of things.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:20:43]:

 

Your attention is fully engaged, which actually provides rest. And then even smaller things just like watching a sunset or the sunrise or looking at the stars or watching the clouds pass by. What is really meaningful about rest is rest returns you to the essence of who you are. And in case you’re kind of struggling with that concept because you’re being like, what do you mean, Lora? I I was a ma a wife. I was a mom, and now all that’s been taken away from me. I was, you know, loved, and now I’m not. I want you to go deeper than that. I want you to think back to when you were a kid.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:21:27]:

 

I want you to think back to a time where you got lost in play, Where you were so absorbed in a craft or building something or playing dolls or reading a book That you literally lost track of time. When was the last time you read a book and you looked up and you’re like, wow. I don’t even know how long I was there reading. I used to be like that with my dollhouse. I would sit down in front of my dollhouse, and I would just start playing, And I had no concept of time. And then my parents would call me for dinner, and I’d be like, woah. And it would just break me out of that whole illusion world and pull me back. That’s deep rest.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:22:13]:

 

When you were resting, you were unselfconscious. You are free. Like, when I was practicing pool, I’m not conscious of how my butt looks. I’m not conscious of what my face is looking like. I’m focusing on the task at hand. I’m not thinking, what do people think when they look at me? I’m free. Rest gives you a break from that ever present need to project or to defend who you are. It gives you a break from having to be right or thoughtful or informed, and it just lets you Be who you are.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:22:57]:

 

So it’s my guess that you might be thinking, yes, Lora, yes. I need rest. I am so tired, and I am so tired of being tired. Help me learn how to rest. That is what I’m going to do next. But what I want you to do for the next 30 days Take note of and write down all of the things that you were doing when you’re tired. My favorite way of doing this is to take a sheet of paper, draw a line down the middle. On the left side, write distractions, and on the right side, write rest.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:23:34]:

 

And then just notice how your life is playing out. So if you come home from work and you’re like, I am exhausted, I need to sit down, and I’m gonna check my email and go through social. That’s probably a distraction, but write it down. You’re not judging yourself. Oh my gosh. Please don’t judge yourself. It’s about noticing. And then notice how you feel.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:23:55]:

 

Do I really feel after 30 minutes checking email and scrolling through Instagram? How do I feel? How do I feel? Do I really feel energized now? Do I feel ready to face the rest of the night to engage, or do I feel kinda like, Alright. I can do this. When you come home and you say, I need a walk or you have a really tough Marriage counseling appointments. And you come home, you know how you feel after marriage counseling, you’re like, or therapy, sometimes it’s just too much. And you’re like, I need a walk. I’ve got a process. And you walk, and you look at the clouds, and you hear the sounds of your feet, and you’re very mindful, and you’re present, And you come back home, take note of how you feel. You can be like, I do feel rested.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:24:51]:

 

Do you feel ready? Then write that down on the side that says rest. And why I’m saying don’t judge yourself, it’s not as simple as, like, Look at the rest list and do those activities. Look at the distraction list and don’t do those activities. The reason I’m having you tune in to notice is for a couple of different reasons. 1st, what is restful for me might not be restful restful for you and vice versa. Maybe something that is a distraction for others actually does legitimately provide you with an energized rested feeling. So that’s the first reason why. The second reason why is because so often we don’t take note of how we feel, and that’s about knowing yourself.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:25:37]:

 

You gotta know how it feels to be rested, to be exhausted, to be energized, to be fresh. Most of us just move through life. We don’t stop and take note other than I’m tired. I’m burned out. I can’t stand this. I wish I wasn’t going through this. We complain, but we’re not really taking note of how we’re feeling. And this practice is a 30 day practice, Not only of finding activities that provide you rest, but with allowing you to get a sense of how you feel And when you feel rested and how it feels to be rested.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:26:17]:

 

The next thing we’re going to talk about is stillness. Because once you’ve learned how to rest, you have energy. You’re ready to do more. That’s why we start with rest. Everything starts with rest because, otherwise, you’re just leaning in. You’re digging deep. You’re making it work, and that doesn’t cut it. So after you have learned how to rest, then you can learn how to be still.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:26:55]:

 

Stillness is the ability to stop, to be, To literally do nothing. Some people will say, well, I’m still. I sit there and I pray in silence every day. Or play pray in stillness every day. No. No. No. No.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:27:09]:

 

No. No. Praying is a doing. It’s a verb, to pray. Being being still is not praying. Sometimes people will say, I take a moment, and I’m still, and I plan my whole day. No. No.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:27:21]:

 

No. No. No. To plan is a verb. Planning is a doing thing. Thinking is a doing. Praying is a doing. Stillness is about being.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:27:31]:

 

The number 1 biggest barrier to stillness is this. It’s the belief that stillness is hard Because we have to do it for a long time, and then we get no benefits until we can Have this ability to be still and meditate for an hour. Length of time does not matter. Stillness is a microsecond. It’s a millisecond. It’s this tiny little snapshot, this ability to be truly still Just for a moment. It’s not about being still for 5 minutes or an hour a day. The 2nd biggest barrier to stillness is believing that we can go straight from all this Frantic and frenetic activity to from all of the stress and angst and anger and grief and decision making and Heartbreak and pain and blah blah blah blah, and just drop into stillness without taking time to somatically Process our thoughts, our emotions, and everything first.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:28:47]:

 

But before we talk about how to cultivate stillness, how to get over these 2 different barriers, I wanna say a few words about why you need stillness. Because you might be thinking, I don’t need stillness. I’m fine. I got my rest. I don’t need stillness. I’m fine. One of my favorite Bible verses is be still and know that I am God. Doesn’t matter what you believe in God or if you believe in God.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:29:14]:

 

Look at this verse. Be still and know that I am God. The verse teaches you why you need stillness. When you are still, then you will know things. When you’re still, then you’ll know things. Do you know what so many people reach out to me for? Do you know why so many people Coach with me because they want clarity. I don’t know if I should stay or go. I don’t know if I should trust my husband again.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:29:49]:

 

I don’t know if he’s going to be faithful. I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t know. The rug has been pulled out from under me, and I don’t know. And they mistakenly think that they have to fly into They have to file for divorce, find the right counselors, separate property, go back to school, get a new job, figure out custody, Talk to the affair partner like all of these things start layering on them, and the answer is be still and no.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:30:25]:

 

If you need clarity, you need to be still. If you’re perfectly clear about everything, you have my permission to bypass this step. But I have never met anybody who’s perfectly clear on everything all the time. This verse says, be still and know Be still and know that I am God. When you’re still, you know who you are. This is about identity. Be still and know that I am God. Be still and know my identity.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:30:55]:

 

When you’re still, you know who you are. When I am still, I know that I am Lora. When you are still, you know that you are Cindy. When you are still, you know that you are Anya. When you are still, you know that you are Beth. When you are still, you know that you are insert your name here. Be still and know. And the beauty about that is when you know who you are, By default, you know who you are not.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:31:29]:

 

And all of a sudden, you’re like, woah. How many years have I been married? You know those last x many years? I was not even myself. I started becoming somebody different, and That’s part of the reason this betrayal is so painful because I gave up myself. I gave up my identity To take care of you and to make you better, and I’m not even me anymore? Wow. I hadn’t even realized it. When you’re still, you know who you are. You know who you are not. It shifts your perspective because it grounds you back to reality as opposed to this illusion that you’ve been living in, And it returns you home to yourself.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:32:16]:

 

I know that I am a kind person. I know that even though I had a narcissistic partner, I’m not crazy. I know that even though I was told I was crazy because I was gaslit. I know that I’m not crazy. I know that I tried and that I was loving, that I was kind, and then I gave this person chance after chance after chance. I know me. I’m not a fool. I’m kind.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:32:44]:

 

I’m loving. I’m caring. I’m trusting. Those are all good traits. And when you’re still, you return home to all of those beautiful traits within you. Because let me tell you, You wouldn’t be here if you didn’t have beautiful traits within you. You wouldn’t be here if you weren’t trying, if you weren’t loving, if you weren’t connected. So when you know who you are, you no longer waste time or energy trying to figure things out.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:33:16]:

 

You no longer have the need to project who you are. Like, put on this false front. Live with pretense or to defend Your choices, your beliefs, who you are, what’s going on. You no longer have any compulsion to seek to please other people In an unhealthy way, to conform to standards or beliefs or to perform up to somebody else’s expectations. You’re just good being you. You’re really good with that. You can judge me all you want. It’s okay.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:33:46]:

 

Because when you judge me, it doesn’t change me. That’s fine. If you don’t like my outfit, fine. Wow. You think I’m sleazy wearing this? Well, I’m not. Your belief doesn’t change who I am. You think I’m a piece of work? How sad for you because I’m not. I’m a really kind, loving, good friend.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:34:04]:

 

And when you have me in your life, you would get a lot of support. It doesn’t change me. Sure. It might sting for a little bit, but it doesn’t change me, and that’s the power of being still. So you know If you’re impacted by judgment, your family, your friends, how could you stay? Why didn’t you see this? Woah. Your judgment of if I’m making a mistake staying together or if I’m making a mistake leaving. It’s not for you to judge, and I don’t care truly what you think about me because I’m still, and I know. And when you’re still and you know, then you can show yourself.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:34:50]:

 

And when you’re rested And you’re still and you know, that’s when that inner peace starts to come back. And you can start identifying the blocks to that inner peace. Why am I not feeling inner peace? Well, I’m not rested. Okay. I know how to fix that. I’m distracted. K. I know how to fix that.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:35:11]:

 

I’m not having inner peace because I’m not having a moment of stillness because I’m confused all the stinking time. Okay. Let’s put you back into a place of stillness so you can get that clarity. Now just like with the rest, you’re probably saying, okay, Lora. Give me some. I want some. How do I learn how to be still? Let me tell you my best tip on how to do that. I want you to select a time and a location every day.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:35:40]:

 

When I mean location, I like something like your bed Or the bathroom, somewhere that you go every single day. Every single day, you’re gonna be in a bed. It might not be your bed. It might be a couch. Every single day, you’re going to be in a bathroom. Might not be your bathroom, might be somebody else’s bathroom. Time and location, Kitchen. Kitchen sink getting water.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:36:04]:

 

Might be a water fountain at work. Might be a water fountain in an airport. Selected time And a location. I’m gonna do this in the morning, I’m gonna do this in the evening, or I’m gonna do this sometime midday. Select a time and a location, and commit to a daily stillness practice. And don’t panic. Stillness is the tiniest little micro thing you’re ever going to do. I want you to give yourself maybe between 1 3 minutes.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:36:32]:

 

Not a lot of time. Don’t time yourself. Do not time yourself. To begin your stillness practice, take a breath. Whatever kind of breath you want, it can be long and slow. It can be big and powerful. Notice your body. Ask yourself, What is getting in the way of me being perfectly still right now? The answer will either be something physical, emotional, or mental.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:37:08]:

 

I can’t be still right now because there’s this kink in my back. I can’t be still right now because I’ve got these racing thoughts. I can’t be still right now because I can’t quit crying. Notice what it is. Not touching it. You just notice it. Next, Ask yourself, what do I need to do to take care of that barrier to stillness right Now. What do I need to do to take care of that barrier right now? So first, you’re asking yourself, what is getting in the way of me being still right now? And then the second question is, what do I need to do to take care of that Right now.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:37:57]:

 

So if you can’t be still because you’re like, I’ve got this kink in my back, stretch, Sit down, move, do something to take care of that. Maybe the barrier is, My thoughts are racing. I have so much to do. Write yourself a note. Email Beth after the show. Remember to pick up ketchup at the grocery store. Whatever it is, if you’re like, I just have so much emotional angst, maybe you need to scream. Maybe you need to just go and shake and shimmy and do something weird.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:38:34]:

 

Maybe you need to put on some music and, like, dance or stretch it out. Maybe you need to watch something that’s funny, just like a quick meme. I need a quick cat video. Bounce, shake, stretch. Maybe you’re like, I can’t. I’m thirsty. Grab something to eat. Grab something to drink.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:38:55]:

 

You’ve taken care of it. Once you’ve taken care of it, sit back down and repeat this process 2 more times, Asking yourself, what’s getting in the way of me being still right now, and what do I need to do to take care of that barrier right now? And, typically, 3 times is enough. I don’t want you to do more than that. Be as still as possible. This is not about perfection. Sometimes you’re like, oh, no. I’m really good. I don’t need to go through this 3 times.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:39:26]:

 

But, typically, 3 times is what I like to to ask you to do, And that also allows you to go deeper because this is about getting out of the superficial, and this is about going deep. So try it for 3 times, And then come back down because now you’ve taken care of that movement, of that thing, that block. Now you’re ready for stillness. Now comes the stillness practice. For a moment, stop. Suspend everything and just be in nothingness. And it might just be the bottom of the exhalation where everything is still. It might be the top of the inhalation before you exhale where everything is still, And that might be it.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:40:28]:

 

Or it might be one of those days where you’re like, no. I’m just here, and this feels good. And it’s funny, but I said, you know, your bed or your bathroom or your kitchen because those are kind of the 3 places that you go every day. You get water, you go to the bathroom and you rest. Think about being there right now. Just visualize it in your mind’s eye. And it sounds funny to say, you’re sitting on the pot, but you might be. That’s perfect.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:40:57]:

 

You’re laying in bed. You’re standing at the sink or the refrigerator about to get more water. That’s all it takes. And it can be just that microsecond, or you can choose to just sit there, maybe close your eyes or maybe not, And just be in stillness. Sometimes just staring at the water coming out of the refrigerator or out of the sink And just letting yourself look at it. Sometimes just being even in a public restroom and just listening to the noises around you down the hall is enough to lull you into that sense of stillness, listening to air conditioning or heating, And that’s it. It’s not about meditating for an hour a day. It’s just about being still.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:41:51]:

 

And your body will tell you how long it needs and wants to be still. And just let your body take the lead. And that’s all you need to do to cultivate and curate the stillness practice. So now you are rested, and you know how to find rest. You know how to break out of the need to please conform and perform, you know how to stop projecting and defending and just how to be. You know how to find that stillness so you know. And when you have these 2 skills, then it’s time To find peace. And this is the 3rd and the final segment of this show.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:42:43]:

 

Peace. Contrary to what you might think or believe or have been told, Peace is not something that you receive. Give me peace. Why can’t I have peace? Peace is something that you are. Peace is something that you give. Peace is something that you offer. It’s something that projects from you, but not in a performative way. You don’t go out and perform being peaceful.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:43:20]:

 

It’s not about faking it until you making make it. You be peace. You exude peace. You are peace. You don’t receive peace. You can be in the Presence of somebody who is exuding peace, and it can help you find the frequency of peace. And you can be in the presence of someone who exudes chaos and dysfunction, And you can still be peace because you are not tuning into their frequency. You are projecting.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:44:05]:

 

You are so clearly. It’s a clear channel, A clear signal. Project the signal of peace by being peace. And the magic of that is others will not disrupt your peace if you’re pushing that Frequency of peace out. When you are peace, you’re not performing or pretending. Yes. I’m so peaceful and calm and happy right now, but really inside you’re like When you get to the point where you can consistently be peace and find that frequency again and tune to that station again, It means that you end up living a life where you are so comfortable with yourself that it doesn’t matter if you’re in crisis or despair, You’re still okay because you’re okay being okay, and you’re okay being not okay. And one of the reasons you’re okay being not okay is because you know how to rest.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:45:13]:

 

You know how to be still. You have developed the habits and the skills to practice, to discern what is restful and what is distraction. You have that habit of stillness. It’s okay that you’re not okay because you’ve got these other habits. You are unselfconscious because you know that other people’s judgment won’t impact you. You know that everybody is free to believe what they wanna believe. They can judge you all they want. It still doesn’t change you.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:45:49]:

 

It’s like if a tree fell on the woods and nobody is there to hear it, does it still make a sound? People judge you all the time, and you don’t hear it, and it doesn’t impact you. So why is it different when they judge you and you hear them judging you? It doesn’t change you. It’s the tree falling in the woods. It doesn’t make a sound because nobody is there to hear it. It doesn’t impact you if you don’t hear it. So why would you choose to let it impact you if you do hear it? Having inner peace means that you know that inner peace does not come from being free of troubles. Spoiler alert. You will never be free from trouble ever.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:46:41]:

 

Having inner peace comes from surrendering to the fact that you’ll never be free from troubles, free from conflict, or upset. And as ironic as it sounds, when you really understand that you’re never gonna be free from trouble, It boosts your level of contentment. It boosts your feelings of happiness, and it floods you with inner peace because you know you’re not doing something wrong. You know that this is it, and that it helps you navigate challenging situations more effectively, more efficiently Because you’ve got a more calm and relaxed attitude and outlook, and you’re not having these expectations that are completely wonky and unrealistic. You’re just resting, finding that stillness, knowing who you are, showing yourself who you are, not allowing yourself to be tipped or derailed or impacted by other people’s beliefs or actions. Notice the difference, though. We do get tipped or impacted, but we don’t stay that way. You see something bad.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:47:53]:

 

Somebody does something bad. You you get betrayed. You’re you’re not gonna be like, oh, it’s okay. I can rest and be still. That’s not it. It’s about being like, this really sucks, and I’m brave enough To go deep, and I’m brave enough to cry and be a warrior in this situation. Inner peace is a journey. It’s not a destination.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:48:17]:

 

I really like to think of life as being like being a little boat on a big vast ocean. The ocean is going to throw you around. It is going to throw you around. There will be storms. There will be nights. There will be dark nights. There will be long nights. There’s all this stuff, and you are just this little boat out there.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:48:37]:

 

But inner peace is knowing that you know how to right yourself when you get tossed around. Inner peace is knowing that you can find that stability again. Because when you feel anything that’s not peace, distress, anger, frustration, fear, pain, whatever, You know that, okay, I can do it again. You know, I was talking to some people yesterday in my Sparkle All Season, course, And we were talking about, like, the exhaustion of having to do it again and again and again and again and again. And it is exhausting because sometimes you’re like, I just want peace. I just wanna stop this. And here’s the thing about that. I wanna validate that feeling.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:49:31]:

 

Amen, sister. Sometimes I don’t wanna have to keep writing myself either. Sometimes I just want smooth sneeze sailing, right? And the thing is Rest and stillness help with that. You can’t guarantee smooth sailing because This world is very unpredictable, but you can guarantee yourself rest, and you can guarantee yourself stillness. And if you were committed to those 2 things, then you will find peace with the fact that you have to keep doing things that sometimes you’re like. This is ridiculous, and it will help. I’m not saying that you’re not gonna get tired. You will get tired, but you’ll know how to rest.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:50:19]:

 

I’m not saying that you’re gonna lose track of who you are and what you would want or are. You will. You’re gonna lose yourself, but you’ll know how to find yourself again. Now I wanna wrap up the show with a series of really, really powerful questions. These questions are questions that I want you to ask yourself whenever you’re not Feeling peace whenever you just don’t have that sense of inner peace because these questions will help out what is blocking your peace, and they’ll help you learn how to address that block efficiently. Now, again, though, don’t start here. Start with rest and start with stillness Because you need to know how to find rest, and you need to know how to find stillness. And I am going to put, make this show into a blog, and I’m going to post these questions on my website and at the in the show notes because they’re really important questions, and I really encourage you to print them out, because You’re gonna use them again and again and again and again because, remember, life isn’t perfect.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:51:42]:

 

You’re gonna keep facing things. You’re going to lose your inner peace. The name of the game is finding it again. The name of the game in cultivating a sense of inner peace and being okay on the inside No matter what is going on on the outside is realizing that it’s a journey. It’s not a destination, and you’re gonna have to do it again and again and again. And the fastest way to get back to inner peace is by identifying what is blocking you from getting to inner peace. In my Sparkle Out season, we did a meditation where we visualized running around a track. Okay.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:52:22]:

 

If you don’t know what’s blocking you and you have to run around the track once to get to inner peace And you’re blindfolded and there’s hurdles on the track, you’re gonna come crashing into those hurdles, and that’s gonna hurt, and you’re gonna trip, and it’s gonna fall, And it’s gonna be messy, and then you’re not gonna wanna get up, or maybe you are getting up, but you’re hobbling, and then you’re moving forward, and then you smack into another hurdle again. Whereas, if you open your eyes and you label those hurdles, here’s my block. My block is self judgment. My block is fear. My block is a cheating partner. My block is a judgmental family. Wow. Not only do you see the hurdles, but you’ve labeled them and you’re like, these are my 5 blocks to peace.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:53:09]:

 

Now what am I gonna do to clear these blocks? And your chances of being successful about finding inner peace go way up because you’ve identified and labeled those blocks, And now you can give yourself enough rest so you can clear the hurdle and find your way to inner peace. Okay. So let’s conclude with these. I think it’s 6. 1, 2, 3, 4, 6 questions. Okay. And, again, these are questions to ask yourself whenever you are not feeling a sense of inner peace. Am I because I’m trying to control a person or a situation that I have no control over.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:53:46]:

 

Am I upset because I’m trying to control a person Or a situation I have no control over. Yeah. That’s usually it right there. Ding ding ding ding ding. Because we have no control over anything Other than ourselves. Second question is, who do I need to forgive? Who do I need to forgive? It might be yourself, and it might be others. You know you need to forgive someone if you ever feel self righteous Or resentful or judgmental. 3rd question is, where am I right now? Am I in the future or the past? And unless you’re in the present, if you’re in the future or the past, focus back on where you are right now.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:54:32]:

 

Don’t replay an old story. Don’t replay a what if scenario. Stay in the present. The other question is, where am I with my thoughts and emotions? Am I projecting and vomiting all over other people, or am I processing and regulating myself? Because that’s a big thing, especially with infidelity or betrayal. We, like, project our fears on our partner. 5th 1 is I am in a am I 5th 1 is we’ll do that again. Am I in a loop that’s making me obsessive or crazy? Am I in a loop that’s making me obsessive or crazy? If yes, how can I journal my thoughts and emotions and Channel this into something else to get it out of me? And the very last question, am I grounded and centered, Or am I spinning out of control? Am I grounded and centered, or am I spinning out of control? And if you find that you’re spinning, ask yourself, what can I do right now to connect to mother Earth and to allow her to hold And to support me? And like I said, I’m gonna put all of those questions up, and I’d like you to print them and to just go through the list Anytime you feel agitated or anxious or whatever it is, reach out. Let me know how this is Going for you, Lora, l o r a, at Lora Cheadle, l o r a c h e a d l e dot com.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:56:09]:

 

And in the meantime, have an amazing week, and always remember to FLAUNT! exactly who you are because who you are is always more. Not enough. Are you ready to break through and find out what’s possible for you on the other side of betrayal? If you were tired of the anguish, the pain, the confusion, The overwhelm or the obsessive thoughts, then reach out. Schedule your 1 on 1 Hour long breakthrough call, and together, we will figure out what you need to do to break through and get to the other side of betrayal. During our time together, you can explain what’s going on with you. Together, we will figure out what it is that’s blocking you, whether it’s your partner’s stubbornness or inability to move forward on the same page as you, Mindset, finances, concern about your kids, whatever it is, together, we will figure out what that block is, And then we will put together a strategy so you can move ahead step by step And get to the other side of betrayal without overwhelm, without confusion, without being distracted And losing focus and wasting time, money, or your valuable energy. Isn’t it time for you to get where you want to be? On the other side of this horrific situation, Looking back with peace and perspective. When we get together, not only will you have that 1 on 1 hour Long Zoom call with me, but we’ll also record it so everything will be memorialized, and you always will have something to go back to So you know your own personalized plan, and you will also receive 30 minutes of follow-up Voxer support with me So you won’t lose track, so you won’t get derailed.

 

Lora Cheadle [00:58:30]:

 

And so if you need something adjusted, Together, we will be able to adjust it. To schedule your appointment, go to betrayal recovery guide.com And click on the pop up link, or reach out, Lora, l o r a, at Lora Cheadle, loracheadle.com, and let’s get you scheduled. I can’t wait to help you step back into your power and reclaim your identity, self worth and create exactly the kind of life that you love.

 

Narrator [00:59:15]:

 

Tune in next time to FLAUNT!. Find your sparkle and create a life you love after infidelity or betrayal with radio host and live choreographer, Lora Cheadle, every Wednesday at 7 AM and 7 PM EST on syndicated dream vision 7 radio network. Develop naked self worth and reclaim your confidence, enthusiasm, and joy so you can create a life you love and embrace who you are today. Download your free sparkle through betrayal recovery guide at naked self worth.com.