“Betrayal is a sacred initiation. It uncovers the truth—and the truth sets you free.”
Betrayal feels like the end. But what if it’s the beginning? What if the devastation you’re living through is actually the doorway to your deepest truth, your rawest power, and a joy you never knew was possible?
This special July 4th episode is a bold celebration of freedom—the kind of freedom that comes not from fireworks or flags, but from shedding everything that was never truly yours.
Because when betrayal cracks your life open, it also exposes what was always true beneath the surface.
Betrayal recovery coach and advocate Lora Cheadle reveals why infidelity isn’t just a relational rupture—it’s a soul-level awakening. And how, when you stop fighting the story and start listening to the truth it reveals, you gain something no one can ever take from you again: unshakable sovereignty, radiant joy, and the power to create your life on your own terms. Book Your Introductory Session Here: https://calendly.com/loras-schedule/first-time-session
Top Three Takeaways:
- Betrayal is a sacred initiation that strips away illusion. It forces you to confront the truth about your relationship, your past, and your deepest self.
- The pain is a portal. When you stop resisting what happened and start listening to what it’s trying to reveal, you begin to rise.
- Freedom isn’t about forgiveness—it’s about remembering who you were before you forgot your worth. And rebuilding your life from that place of unshakable self-trust.
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Get your free downloadable guide on the “The Top Three Ways You Betray Yourself Every Day, and How to Stop” at www.burnoutorbetrayal.com. https://workplace-burnout.com/the-top-3-ways-you-betray-yourself-every-day-and-how-to-stop/
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About Lora:
Lora Cheadle is a betrayal recovery coach, attorney, and TEDx speaker who helps women heal from betrayal on an energetic, emotional, and ancestral level—while also providing legal guidance to help them navigate the practical complexities of infidelity and relationship transitions. She empowers women to rise from the ashes, reclaim their identity and self-worth, break free from repeating patterns, and step into their power with confidence, clarity, and grace.
After being shattered by her husband’s fifteen years of infidelity, Lora knows firsthand what it takes to transform devastation into an invitation for healing, freedom, and joy. Her unique approach blends deep emotional healing with tangible legal and life strategies, guiding women beyond betrayal into lives of unapologetic confidence and purpose.
As the founder of Life Choreography Coaching & Advocacy, Lora provides comprehensive legal, emotional, intellectual, and spiritual support on demand. She believes that infidelity doesn’t have to be the end of the dream you poured your heart and soul into—it can be the beginning of a life filled with sovereignty, connection, and joy.
Licensed to practice law in California and Colorado, Lora is also a trauma-aware coach, clinical hypnotherapist, somatic attachment therapist, and advanced integrated energy practitioner. She is certified in yoga, mindfulness, group fitness, and personal training, bringing a holistic perspective to healing.
She is the author of FLAUNT! Drop Your Cover and Reveal Your Smart, Sexy, & Spiritual Self (an International Book Awards Finalist and Tattered Cover Bestseller) and It’s Not Burnout, It’s Betrayal: 5 Tools to FUEL UP & Thrive. She also hosts the podcast FLAUNT! Create a Life You Love After Infidelity and Betrayal.
Based in Colorado, Lora is an adventure-seeker who loves travel, a great book, and saying yes to life’s magic.
Let’s connect! Share your thoughts or questions from this episode with Lora at loracheadle.com. New episodes every week.
Subscribe, like, share, and join Lora Cheadle on your journey to reclaim your sparkle and create a life you love.
Special Offers from Our Sponsors!
Thank you to BetterHelp for sponsoring this podcast! Take charge of your mental health and get 10% off your first month of therapy at https://BetterHelp.com/FLAUNT
Are you ready to Rise, Reclaim, and Reign as the Queen of Your Life? Infidelity may have shaken your world, but it does not define you. You are powerful. You are worthy. And you are more than capable of creating a future filled with confidence, clarity, and joy.
I’m here to walk beside you, giving you the perspective, permission, and proven tools to transform betrayal into your greatest awakening. Whether through one-on-one coaching or my on-demand Affair Recovery Programs, you’ll gain the guidance and support to untangle yourself from the past, reclaim your power, and step boldly into your next chapter.
Your transformation starts now! Learn more at www.AffairRecoveryForWomen.com and visit www.LoraCheadle.com for even more resources and inspiration.
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Books By Lora
- International Book Award, Finalist Motivational Self-Help, 2021
- Tattered Cover Bestseller, 2019
Have you spent your life playing by the rules, only to realize those rules weren’t made for you? What if you could break free—from expectations, from betrayal, from the roles you were taught to play—and reclaim your true self?
FLAUNT! is your guide to stripping away societal conditioning, healing from the heartbreak of betrayal, and rediscovering the fierce, confident woman you were born to be. With humor, wisdom, and powerful, actionable steps, Lora Cheadle empowers you to rise above the narratives that have confined you and boldly choreograph a life that is smart, sexy, spiritual, and uniquely your own.
It’s time to stop living for others and start living for you.
Buy Now on Amazon, or wherever books are sold.
It’s Not Burnout, It’s Betrayal: 5 Tools to FUEL UP & Thrive
Burnout isn’t just exhaustion—it’s a betrayal of your time, energy, and trust. This essential guide redefines burnout, exposing its hidden roots and equipping individuals, teams, and leaders with five powerful tools to reclaim their passion, purpose, and well-being.
If you’re ready to break free from burnout and step into a life of clarity, confidence, and fulfillment, this book is your roadmap.
Available now on Amazon. Download your free guide, BURNOUT UNCOVERED: Fostering Candid Conversations for Teams at www.ItsNotBurnoutItsBetrayal.com.
Transcript
Lora Cheadle [00:00:01]:
You’re listening to Flaunt. Find your sparkle and create a life you love after Infidelity or Betrayal. A podcast for women who’ve been betrayed by their intimate partner and want to turn their devastation into an invitation to reclaim themselves and their worth. Tune in weekly so you can start making sense of it all and learn how to be okay on the inside, no matter what goes on on the outside. Download your free Betrayal Recovery toolkit@betrayalrecoveryguide.com Betrayal feels like the end. But what if it’s the beginning? What if the devastation that you are living through is actually a doorway to your deepest truth, to your rawest power, to a level of joy that you never knew was possible? What if betrayal was a sacred initiation, not into more pain, not into just good enough, but into radical freedom, radical transformation, radical freedom and growth. This episode is launching right around the fourth of July. And when we think about the fourth of July, so many of us think about freedom.
Lora Cheadle [00:01:32]:
The fourth of July is a very bold, loud, firework celebration of freedom. But the kind of freedom that I’m talking about is not that bold. In your face, firework flag freedom. The kind of freedom I’m talking about is the freedom that comes when you shed layers, when you shed everything that’s never been truly yours. When you drop the mask and you drop into who you are. Unafraid of judgment, unafraid of failure. And you really start living from a place of soul, from a place of heart, from that place of authentically being who you are. Because here’s the thing.
Lora Cheadle [00:02:27]:
When betrayal cracks, you open, it also exposes what was always there, just beneath the surface. I’m Lora Cheadle, and I know personally that infidelity is so much more than a relationship rupture. It’s a true soul level awakening that can shift you, your life, and even your relationships. But in order for that to happen, you absolutely need to stop fighting the story. You need to stop fighting those voices in your head that are telling you this is so bad and catastrophizing everything. You need to stop those voices that tell you you’re not good enough, that tell you this was a problem and that your life is over. And you need to start listening to that truth that is being revealed to you. And oh my gosh, I know it’s scary.
Lora Cheadle [00:03:42]:
I know how scary it is. We want to hang on to the story, to the narrative, to how good my life was before and to what he did to me now. And that how are we ever going to get through this? Like we Want to move into that we want to move into. I was good, I was kind, I was perfect, I loved so hard, I was morally superior. I never would have done this to him. And the thing is, while that all might be true, it doesn’t matter. What matters is that deep internal truth that is coming to the surface to be revealed so you can step into a life that is more real and more authentic than you maybe ever even thought was possible. I know for me, I know for so many of the women that I coach, it’s this slow understanding that starts dawning on you.
Lora Cheadle [00:04:53]:
Because, yes, the pain is so intense at the beginning and it takes a while to move out of shock, to move out of that devastation, and to start saying, wow, there is something being birthed here, there is something being revealed that if I lean into that thing and embrace it, it’s going to bring me something that is so powerful, nobody can ever take it away from me again. It’s this level of undeniable, unshakable sovereignty. It’s this level of radiant joy, this frequency of joy that just runs through your body and this awareness and power that you get to create this life on your own terms that it doesn’t matter what other people do or don’t do. You are so solid in yourself that nothing can ever interrupt your joy. And yes, I know that might be hard to hear right now. You might be thinking maybe for you, maybe for those other lucky women that you work with, but not for me. But what I’m here to tell you is, yes, it’s for all of us. I didn’t have anything special.
Lora Cheadle [00:06:24]:
The women that I work with don’t have anything special. And this is the gift of betrayal. Betrayal is a sacred initiation. Betrayal uncovers the truth, and the truth is what sets you free. So in honor of the fourth of July this year, let’s talk about freedom. Let’s talk about the sacred initiation. Let’s talk about how and why the truth shall set you free. And then I think, most importantly, let’s talk about how you, honest to God, were never meant to stay small.
Lora Cheadle [00:07:15]:
You were never meant to stay small. In my work, a lot of my intellectual property is built around flaunt. Flaunt is my clinically backed framework that I use when I work with people. And yes, flaunt, the clinically backed flaunt framework is. It’s an acronym for the steps in the process. But what I really love about the acronym and the steps is the energy contained in the word flaunt. Because flaunt is that ultimate freedom. It is going from that compressed, shutdown, small state into a state of radiant joy.
Lora Cheadle [00:07:59]:
Not in your face. I’m going to be a jerko and, you know, rub your nose into how awesome I am. Flaunting is not about false positivity. Flaunting is not about grandiosity. Flaunting is about uncovering yourself and being confident and unapologetic in who you are and what’s going on. It’s about playing big, being expressed, and being just confident and centered in yourself. It’s not grandiosity. It’s not in your face.
Lora Cheadle [00:08:37]:
It’s just that very clear. Confident. I am. Okay, because here’s the thing. Betrayal, honestly, is one of the worst things that can happen to us because it’s. It’s a wounding from the person who was closest to us. And once you get through that, you have been forged in the fire. You are unbreakable at that point because you’ve had to rely on yourself.
Lora Cheadle [00:09:11]:
You have have to get good at the tools and figure yourself out. You have to get radically honest, and you just do. So let’s talk about that. Let’s move through betrayal as a sacred initiation. How the truth shall set you free and why. Oh, my goodness, sweet sister, you were never meant to play small. This episode is going to change your life, and I honestly mean that it’s going to change your perspective. By the end of this show, by the end of our time together today, you are going to have a shift that, oh, wow, I see things differently, I understand things differently, and I’m actually really excited for this process.
Lora Cheadle [00:10:04]:
Who would know that an hour ago, when I first started listening to this show, I was so negative about things. Who would know that by the end of the show, you’re going to be like, yeah, I got this. Bring it on. I am excited and I am happy that this happened to me. Maybe not happy that this happened to me, but I’m grateful that this happened to me because. No. Did I want to go through this? Oh, my gosh, no. Am I so grateful that this opportunity was given to me? Yes.
Lora Cheadle [00:10:43]:
Yes. I am grateful that this opportunity was given to me. So I can’t wait to see you on the other side, because this is the bridge. We’re crossing it, and once you cross it, you can’t go back. I got you. I’m leading the way. Don’t worry. Okay? When we think about freedom and we think about, like, freedom and fireworks and it’s this bold myth of perfection, this myth of, like, a perfect relationship, a perfect Life, this perfect family, whatever it is.
Lora Cheadle [00:11:25]:
And what’s so hard? One of the things that’s so hard about betrayal is all of a sudden we are put in the position where we can’t have a perfect life ever again. Like, we can’t have a perfect life ever again. It’s been shattered, it’s been ruined. No longer can we show up and be like, yes, I have this solid, wonderful marriage. And it’s the shattering of this illusion. And here’s the thing, it was an illusion. Nobody has a perfect life. Nobody has a perfect marriage or a perfect relationship.
Lora Cheadle [00:12:02]:
We just don’t. It’s just that we all. We all want this Instagram worthy life. We all want to be that couple. And then when infidelity happens, it is so in your face, huh? Not you. Not you. Other people can have it, but not you. And even if you fix things up later, there is a big blemish and you can’t change it.
Lora Cheadle [00:12:28]:
And that was so hard for me. I was so attached to perfection. I was so attached to the illusion that we were happy and we were soulmates and we were twin flames, and we were. And the thing is, yes, there’s truth to that. There’s truth to that in moments. There was for me. I know there is for you, too. But what I’m asking you to do here and now is to crack open that illusion and see where you weren’t perfect.
Lora Cheadle [00:13:09]:
To see where he wasn’t perfect. We know where he wasn’t perfect. But to see where we weren’t perfect either. And what I want you to recognize is how the brain goes, okay, well, he did this, and I wasn’t perfect, but I was that bad. Our ego seeks to justify. Our ego seeks to explain. Our ego seek seeks to keep us in that oneup position. And I want to be really clear that when we keep ourselves in that oneup position, when we think it has to be perfect, when we cast blame and judgment on others, it’s really that we are welcoming blame and judgment of ourselves.
Lora Cheadle [00:13:51]:
And this is the freedom that I’m talking about. Freedom from blame, freedom from judgment, freedom from that. I have to stay perfect. And I have to strive with every fiber of my being to be perfect. It’s not about who did what and what was worse. It’s about, I don’t need to be perfect to be happy. We don’t need to be perfect to be in love. We can be happy despite the infidelity.
Lora Cheadle [00:14:22]:
We can actually have a better marriage because of the infidelity. I know that is so hard to wrap your brain around. And I know Sean and I have been in that place so many times where we’re like, why did it have to get to this point in order for us to get to this point? Couldn’t we have done this without the infidelity? Couldn’t we have just gotten here? And the thing is, the answer is no, Sadly. No, sadly. We have to drive the train off the rails, we have to crash the car in order to get here. And that’s why it’s the sacred initiation. It is this huge cracking open of the illusion the myth of the perfect life doesn’t exist. And here’s the thing.
Lora Cheadle [00:15:16]:
I’m telling you, you will be happier because your life is not perfect. You will be happier because your life is not perfect, because you’ve cracked all off that shell of needing to have it be perfect. So many of us feel free on the outside, but it’s always with conditions. We’re trapped by relationships, by roles, by responsibilities. Do you know how often I thought. And people that I work with think I have to keep it all together? It’s me. I’m the overachiever. If I don’t do it, he will never get it.
Lora Cheadle [00:16:03]:
He will never do all the things. He doesn’t see what I do, he doesn’t appreciate what I do. If I don’t do this, everything falls apart. The finances, the kids, the house, the relationships, the family events like, oh, my God, I have to over function because he doesn’t get it. And here’s that tension that does not create freedom in you, that keeps you trapped. And yes, I get, like, I so get that if you just don’t do it. Okay, well, the animals are not getting fed, the litter box is not getting cleaned, the kids are not getting picked up from school. Nothing is happening around the holidays.
Lora Cheadle [00:16:44]:
Like, I get that in the short term, your finances might go to pot. I get. I get the unwillingness to let things fall apart because I struggled with that. And I still struggle with that so much, I am unwilling to let my life fall apart. So I lean in and do everything. And then I resent the fact that I’m leaning in and doing everything. And it feels like a catch 22, because in so many ways it is. So I’m asking you to ponder some of that.
Lora Cheadle [00:17:22]:
What is keeping you trapped? And what can you do to set yourself free with full knowledge and awareness that in the short run, yeah, things might fall apart? And there are some things. Yes, you have to keep feeding the animals. Yes, you have to keep Doing certain things. But what are the things that you honestly can let go of? Can you let go of a clean or an organized house? Can you let go of finances for a while? Can you let things get a little messy in service of making space for the other person to step in? And I know that’s a lot, and I know it really does take. It takes a lot. It takes more to do that than you might be willing to do. But that’s just what I want you to recognize, that it is a choice. And what is keeping you trapped? Because the illusion, the myth of a perfect life is really what keeps us trapped.
Lora Cheadle [00:18:44]:
I have said several times about the sacred initiation of betrayal. Betrayal is a sacred initiation because it is the breaking open of an illusion. So you think about that perfect life. Well, I have to keep our finances together. I have to keep my job together. I have to keep holidays together. But do you? No, you don’t. You are choosing to do that.
Lora Cheadle [00:19:14]:
And if you were choosing to do that out of obligation, it keeps you trapped in a different way than if you’re choosing to do it out of joy. And sometimes it’s not that you actually have to stop doing it. Sometimes you don’t have to stop taking care of the finances or cleaning the house or carrying that emotional burden, but you can just shift the way that you think about it. I am doing the emotional labor out of service to myself. Not out of service to you, but out of service to me because I thrive in an organized environment. I have so much joy when I wake up in the morning and walk through the house and it’s organized. I’m doing it to serve me. I’m not doing it because that’s what a good wife does.
Lora Cheadle [00:20:19]:
I’m not doing it because if nobody else did, nobody else is going to do it. And if I don’t do it, it’s not going to get done. And blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. That’s martyrdom. That is not freedom. When I said this episode was going to shift and change your life, this is part of it. How can you embrace the things that you do out of a sense of power and freedom and service to you. Oh, my God, let go of service to other people.
Lora Cheadle [00:20:50]:
Service to you. I feel good taking good care of my animals. I feel good connecting with my children. I feel good showing up at work and serving my clients in the best way possible. I do it for me. What can you do for you? Because when you’re doing it for yourself, it’s so much more rewarding and fulfilling. I even have this one client, bless her heart, she kept talking about how she was working out for other people. And it was like, wait, what? You.
Lora Cheadle [00:21:34]:
You’re working out for other people? And she was like, well, yes, I need to keep my body this way for other people. I need my husband to be proud of me. And it was like, okay, you’re really attaching into this in a kind of a not okay way. And then she took it even further to be like, I’m working out so I can stay healthy and strong and I won’t die and leave my family struggling. They had some younger kids and I’m like, okay, that’s great, but let’s really get to the root of this. You need time away and you want time away. And it’s your body and you feel healthy and strong in your body. You deserve that.
Lora Cheadle [00:22:14]:
You deserve to work out for you. You don’t need to justify to your family, oh, I’m stepping away to work out because I want to look good for you and I want to stay healthy and strong and have a long life for my kids. That’s not it. You don’t need to justify it. Do it for yourself. Do it for yourself and then don’t do it for yourself. Work out because you enjoy working out. And then when you need a break and you’re sore and tired and fighting a cold, stop.
Lora Cheadle [00:22:45]:
If you enjoy the smooth way your family runs, keep doing the things, but do it for you. Don’t do it with that energy of a martyr. And I know, I know this is a subtle mindset shift, but like I said, this is one of those things that’s going to really change the way that you show up. Betrayal as a sacred initiation is the death of the performance based self. And it is the beginning of raw power, clarity and choice. Hear that? Betrayal as a sacred initiation is the death of the performance based self. And it’s the beginning of real power, clarity and choice. You are living your life for you.
Lora Cheadle [00:23:42]:
Choose what you want, do what you want. Whatever it is, it’s about you. And I know that little voice in your head is like, I don’t want to be selfish. Stop that voice. That voice is keeping you small. That’s part of the sacred initiation is. It’s. It’s about not playing small anymore.
Lora Cheadle [00:24:07]:
You’re not selfish. Check. Check with yourself inside. Are you a selfish a hole? No. You’re not. We aren’t. Do you care about people and the planet and all it causes? Yes. Then you’re not selfish.
Lora Cheadle [00:24:25]:
Are you a narcissistic Jerk. No. Stop with the self condemnation. Stop with the fear that you’re going to be selfish. That was a message that was implanted in us when, by the patriarchy, by people who gained from our servitude. You get one life, my friend. One. You have one opportunity to live.
Lora Cheadle [00:24:58]:
And it’s not about you living for other people. It’s about you living for yourself. Because as you live for yourself, you bring joy, you bring growth, you bring such beauty to others. Have I touched your life? Has this show helped you through your process? I get emails all the time. I get comments all the time. Oh, my gosh. Your show put into words what I was trying to express inside, and I couldn’t do it. Your show helped me to see things differently.
Lora Cheadle [00:25:42]:
For the first time, I have hope. Oh, my gosh. Working with you changed my life. It wasn’t only in my marriage, but it was in my whole career and the whole way I show up. Like, I hear this all the time. Am I selfish in sharing my journey with the world? Am I selfish in taking all of the time and the money that I needed to develop the flaunt framework, that I needed to have it tested? Was I selfish in doing that? Was I selfish all the nights that I couldn’t cook dinner, that I did takeout instead when I was writing my book because I was under contract and had a deadline? Am I selfish and horrible when the house doesn’t get cleaned or the laundry doesn’t get done for an extra few days, or when it just doesn’t get done and somebody else has to step in? Oh, my gosh, no. I have lived more fully. You have lived more fully.
Lora Cheadle [00:26:46]:
It’s not my selfishness. It’s the way that I share. It’s the way that you share. It’s creating those boundaries around you. It’s that honoring that. You know what? I have something to say. I’ve been through this, and I have come out the other side stronger because of it. And I have something to share that a lot of other people are missing.
Lora Cheadle [00:27:13]:
I have the wisdom based on who I am, with my spiritual connection, with my legal background, with the training that I have that nobody else in the world has. And so do you. This is not about, oh, Lori, you’re so cool. We all have our unique life experiences, and because of our unique life experiences, there are things that only we can share. I’m the only one that can share me. You are the only one that can share you. You change lives just by being who you are. When you own that, when you Realize that that’s another shift.
Lora Cheadle [00:27:53]:
That’s the other shift. Shift that now change your life in this moment. Oh, I am unique. I have this real power. I get to share that. Sharing that is not about me, me, me, me, me. Sharing that is about you, you, you, you, you. I will change lives by sharing.
Lora Cheadle [00:28:18]:
Me having that awareness is this other shift. Have that shift now and then. Make the choice to share yourself. I choose to let my beauty and goodness shine. I choose to let my wisdom and wonder shine. I choose to to show up differently. I choose to live like this were the last couple months of my life and that everything inside of me is going to be lost unless I start expressing and sharing it. Make that choice now.
Lora Cheadle [00:29:05]:
I see you. I feel your heart. No, I don’t know you personally yet, but I know that if you’re listening, you have heart. I know that if you’re listening, you’re in pain. I know that if you’re listening, you’ve been through something really tough and you’re like desperately wanting to figure it out to get to the other side and get this resolved. I know that about you. And if you feel all those things, then you. You are ready.
Lora Cheadle [00:29:39]:
If you feel all those things, then the time is now for you to make this shift. The time is now. You have been cracked open. It’s not about putting the whole thing back together again. It’s not about whatever that thing fill the cracks with gold, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. It’s about crack it open and move on. This is about rebirth. This.
Lora Cheadle [00:30:02]:
This is about letting the shells lie. Don’t try to rebuild the shells around you. Your soul cannot be broken. Your inner fire, your joy, your goodness, these can’t be squashed. It’s just that all of these layers on the outside have been put on you. Now they’re cracked open and you feel exposed. Now they’re cracked open and you feel uncomfortable and you feel naked and you feel raw. Don’t rebuild around you.
Lora Cheadle [00:30:36]:
Move forward. Betrayal reveals all of these things. Betrayal uncovers the truth. Betrayal reveals what is inside. Betrayal reveals truths about yourself, your relationship, your lineage that you’ve been avoiding. And I’m just going to call that out. Betrayal reveals all the things that you have been avoiding that you didn’t want to see, that you were uncomfortable admitting to because you didn’t know how to manage it. And I mean, they can be big things like, wow, I can see things about the patriarchy that I’m really deeply uncomfortable with.
Lora Cheadle [00:31:23]:
I can see things about racism and sexism and ageism. And all these different things. Like, I can see all these political problems. I can see all these economic problems. I see all these world problems, and it’s just like, I don’t know what to do about them. So I just shut them down so I don’t make myself crazy. And that’s what we do. That’s compartmentalization, by the way.
Lora Cheadle [00:31:44]:
Sometimes people are like, I don’t understand how he could cheat on me and not think about me and our family and the kids. And it’s like compartmentalization. And then people say, well, I get that sort of. But how. How can you compartment something so important as your wife and children and entire life? How can you compartmentalize that? Here’s the answer. Here’s another shift. This is another shift. Have you ever compartmentalized away the problems of the world? Genocide, huge issues just to move on with your life? Yeah.
Lora Cheadle [00:32:24]:
Yes. Yes, you have. If we were all worried about everything that’s going on in the world, that we worry about, the environment, whatever it is, we couldn’t function. We totally couldn’t function. I shut off all those things that I deeply care about. I deeply care about children starving and genocide and the earth and humanitarian crises and politics and people. Like, I genuinely care about all this. But I can’t have it all in my face all the time.
Lora Cheadle [00:33:00]:
So I compartmented away, and then I move on in my life, and I’m in my little first world life feeling pretty good about things. That’s how compartmentalization works. That is how your partner was able to cheat and not think about you. That’s how your partner was able to lie, come home, show up, be with her, be with you, and be in both places. Compartmentalization. I’ve got some shows on compartmentalization, both as a way to heal and how he did it, but that, in a nutshell, is what it is. It’s. There’s all these truths that are really hard to confront, and we don’t have the capacity or the time or the skills.
Lora Cheadle [00:33:50]:
So we just compartmental away and we move. Betrayal reveals all of that to us. It reveals all of those things that we have been avoiding. And it puts us in our face, and we have to deal with it. And here’s another shift moving from I have to deal with it to I get to finally resolve this. I get to finally figure it out. I get to finally have the conversations that I’ve always wanted to have. I get to speak my truth in a way that I never wanted to speak before because I didn’t want to rock the boat.
Lora Cheadle [00:34:36]:
Raise your hand if you’ve ever not said something because you didn’t want to rock the boat. I know, right? Betrayal cracks that open and it puts you in the position of you like, well, I have nothing else to lose now. I’m going to say what I want to say. I’m going to ask for what I want to ask. I’m going to do what I want to do. This is all around self abandonment. We all, all humans have patterns of self abandonment. Well, maybe narcissists and totally clinically psychopathic people don’t, but most of us have patterns of self abandonment.
Lora Cheadle [00:35:20]:
What is self abandonment? I’m so glad you asked. It’s all the things where we don’t lean into what we need or want in service of others. And again, did that little voice pop up in the back of your head? Oh, my God. But you don’t want to be selfish. Really good women are self sacrificing. They take care of everybody. Women are healers of the planet and they take care of other people. Okay, step on that voice, put it out of your head and squash it.
Lora Cheadle [00:35:56]:
It’s the whole oxygen mask thing. Everybody else is going to go down. If you go down. I’m not saying that you can never stay up with a sick child or run an errand for an aging parent or skip your yoga class that you desperately needed because your friend is in crisis. That’s not what I’m saying. Don’t be black and white about this. This is patterns of self abandonment. What are the things that you need to do? I need to sleep.
Lora Cheadle [00:36:30]:
I need to have healthy food. I need to move my body. I need to connect with nature. I need friendship. I need all of these things. I need to talk. And guess what? Okay, well, I won’t do that because I know he’s tired. Okay, well, I won’t do that because I don’t want to look this way.
Lora Cheadle [00:36:51]:
Okay, well, I won’t bug them because I know they’re busy. Okay, well. Oh, sure, I can stay a little bit later. Oh, yeah, I can get that done. I don’t need this. It’s that pattern of self abandonment. And yes, it can be. So this is why it’s so hard.
Lora Cheadle [00:37:08]:
It’s small, it’s innocuous. It’s just these little things along the way. Can you just step up and do this? Oh, of course. Happy to. But where does it shift from? Of course I’m happy to. I’m honored to be of service to. My whole life is about everybody, but Me. Where does it shift from yes, I can do this to suddenly, oh, wow, I’ve gained an extra £30.
Lora Cheadle [00:37:34]:
I’ve lost muscle tone. I don’t feel comfortable in my body. I don’t feel strong and vibrant. I feel exhausted. I’m mainlining coffee. I don’t feel connected to myself. I don’t feel like me. How many of you said, I just don’t feel like myself anymore? I haven’t felt like myself in a long time.
Lora Cheadle [00:37:55]:
What does it even mean to feel like myself? Maybe this is just aging. Maybe this is just a part of being old. Maybe this is just a process. No, what I want for you is for you to come back home to yourself. For you to feel wild and free and happy and joyful and powerful and whatever it is that sets your soul on fire. I want you to lean into all of these untapped desires and joys and potentials. I want you to prioritize yourself because it’s fun. Not because it gets you anything, not because you will be better at something, but because it’s fun.
Lora Cheadle [00:38:48]:
Because that is what living is all about. It’s about that joy. When were you happiest? When did you feel the most joyful and free? When was that moment the first time that you remember just being out on your own? Maybe it was when you first had a job and you first had your own money. Maybe it was when you went away to school and you’re like, ooh, I don’t have a curfew. When was that time you felt the most free and the most like you anchor that into your body. Anchor that feeling of freedom. How I like to anchor things in what I teach my clients when we work one on one, is to create a physical anchor. Like touch your thumb and your index finger together as you breathe, Whether you’re closing your eyes or just looking down, anchor that feeling.
Lora Cheadle [00:40:00]:
Go back to that moment. Go back to that moment. It’s like the Sound of Music cover with her spinning and running down the hill. The Alps are behind her and she’s in her apron and she’s all free, find that in your body and push your thumb and your index finger together. That is your physical anchor. And in the future, when you feel compressed, when you feel shut down, when you feel overwhelmed, when there is so much to do and so much to figure out, take just a few breaths. Take a beat. Put your thumb and your index finger together to remind you, oh, yeah, I felt this before.
Lora Cheadle [00:40:49]:
And in your mind, return to that moment and you’ll feel all of Those obligations shift away, slide off your back, fall out of your head, and again. Do you notice that voice? Well, they’re obligations for a reason. I’ve got to make money. I’ve got to figure this out. I’ve got to. You don’t got to do anything. If you want to choose it and you want to do it, you may. And if you’re disappointed that somebody else is not choosing it and doing it, you’re a big girl, you can be disappointed.
Lora Cheadle [00:41:35]:
See how that works? And it’s like, I don’t want to be disappointed. I want my life to be perfect. I want. I want him to figure it out. I want him to get it. If I don’t make the appointments, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Stop. Just stop.
Lora Cheadle [00:41:53]:
Betrayal has made you uncomfortable. You can be uncomfortable again. You’ve cleaned up messes before, you can clean up messes again. Stop. Stop doing what you don’t want to do. And when you do things, choose it for you. Don’t. Don’t choose it because somebody else expects it.
Lora Cheadle [00:42:16]:
Nobody else does it. Like me. If I don’t do it, nobody else will do it. Stop self abandoning. Stop the martyr energy. Stop that whole victimhood. Because that’s what that is. I was cheated on.
Lora Cheadle [00:42:31]:
Yes, you were. So was I. And it’s not like, yeah, get over it. It’s not like that. But it’s like, yeah, that happened. And now what? Yeah, that happened. Now I need to look inside now I need to re refind my untapped joy and potential and desire and move into something better. Because that was the catalyst.
Lora Cheadle [00:42:59]:
And sometimes catalysts are a little crappy and they’re not exactly what we wanted. But you know what? It’s a huge blessing. It is a sacred initiation. And what all of this is, is this move from shame to sovereignty. And sovereignty is scary because it is us doing it for us. It’s us creating our life. It’s us creating our reality. It’s us creating circumstances.
Lora Cheadle [00:43:31]:
It’s us leaning into things. It is us, us. And oh my gosh, isn’t that scary? Like if I make all the decisions and then they’re wrong. I’m so ashamed. Are you afraid of making decisions? And I don’t mean just a flippant yes or no. I want you to feel that viscerally in your body. I don’t want to be wrong. I don’t want to screw up.
Lora Cheadle [00:44:04]:
I don’t want to do the wrong thing. I don’t want to waste money, I don’t want to waste time. I Don’t want to go down the wrong path. I don’t think anybody does. But how much does that keep you stuck? How much does that keep you stuck? This is that victimhood. I can’t make this decision. It’s what if it’s wrong? What if it doesn’t work out? I would be a multi millionaire if I had a dollar for every time somebody said to me, what if it doesn’t work out? What if he cheats again? What if this is moving from victimhood to authorship. This is moving from life happens to me to I create my life.
Lora Cheadle [00:45:10]:
Notice the voices in your head. I get that, Lora, but still I have no choice over what if he does this and I can create that and then he won’t comply and that I’m going to do this and then that’s going to work. Notice that. Just notice that. That self sabotage, that’s the ego popping in. That is the power of victimhood. That is keeping you small, that is keeping you limited. That is keeping you from the best relationships in your life.
Lora Cheadle [00:45:47]:
That is keeping you from the most joy in your life. Betrayal wasn’t about you, but healing is. The betrayal was not your fault. But healing is something that you have to choose. And healing does not just happen. Time does not just heal all wounds. Rebuilding your life, your identity, your patterns of self betrayal, your patterns of thinking, Rebuilding yourself consciously instead of letting your parents mold you and your teachers mold you and the church mold you and your neighborhood mold you and media mold you and your friends mold you. This is rebuilding yourself.
Lora Cheadle [00:46:48]:
And this is a sacred act of creation. This is art, my sweet friend. This is not obligation. This is something that few of us really have the opportunity to do, to create ourselves and our lives anew. And that’s glorious. And guess what? What if you make a mistake? You rebuild. What if somebody else comes in and ruins your creation? You fix it up. Have you ever seen somebody working on a potter’s wheel? They’ve got the lump of clay and the wheel spins around and they use their hands and it’s like they mold it and they can create shapes in the vase and they put their hand inside and they pull it up and it becomes a tall vase and they push it down and it’s short and then they squeeze in and out as it’s moving up and.
Lora Cheadle [00:47:57]:
And then they have like a tool and they can create designs because it’s spinning and this vase forms and then if it falls apart, they smash it down. And sometimes I’ve watched videos and you’re like, oh, My God, that’s amazing. And then they go smash. And you’re like, they just ruined it. And then they just pull it right back up again. And maybe they make something different and better. That’s what this is. This is sacred play.
Lora Cheadle [00:48:27]:
It’s not like you get one shot at building the vase and oh, my gosh, something happened and I messed it up. Up. You will mess it up. Others will mess it up, and you fix it and mold it and rebuild it. And it’s. Here’s another big shift. Like I said, this show is going to change your life. It is.
Lora Cheadle [00:48:50]:
It already has. And here’s another shift. It’s just like that clay. It is that easily molded. You rebuild it. You can knock it down, you can fix it up. You. It’s joyful creation and play.
Lora Cheadle [00:49:06]:
And it does flow that quickly. The potter’s wheel is like life. It is spinning. It doesn’t stop. Use the spin of life to keep creating. Life is about creation and it’s art. It’s not punishment. You being, quote, forced to rebuild your life after how much you have done and how much you put in, this is art.
Lora Cheadle [00:49:39]:
This is not obligation. You get to write the story of your life, of the betrayal wasn’t about you, but your healing is. Create something beautiful, let go, make mistakes, build it up again. And then sometimes the mistake ends up being like, oh, wow, that’s incredible. Breathe anchor to those feelings of joy and lean in. Last week in the show about confidence, I talked a lot about the term that I’ve coined, which is naked self worth. Naked self worth is that deep soul knowing that you’re enough, that you don’t have to perform or prove or do or look in a certain way that you are worthy because you’re you, that living this life is your divine birthright. You get to live this way.
Lora Cheadle [00:50:58]:
You get to express and dance and bask in the sun and do whatever it is that makes you feel good. And when you are able to step into this place of naked self worth, knowing that who you are is always more than enough, it leads to a reclaiming of your voice and your vision and your joy. And I want to talk about that for a quick second. Your voice is your ability to say what you want to say. You’re not shut down because I don’t want to rock the boat. I don’t want to hurt other people’s feelings. I. Oh, my gosh.
Lora Cheadle [00:51:41]:
This is something I hear all the time, too. People are like, I see that my partner was such it in. It was so hurt. I See that my partner was in so much pain and that that’s what led to the cheating. I finally get that. But now I don’t want to hurt their feelings now. I want to keep them safe. Now I want to create this little bubble so they can heal.
Lora Cheadle [00:52:02]:
But oh my God, I’m hurting. Okay, we can be kind, good, gentle people and create this bubble of safety, but we also can’t do that at a cost to ourselves. I have created a lot of bubbles for safety, for my husband’s healing, because I know he had a lot of deep, dark healing to do. And I expressed myself fully. And it’s not that I wasn’t going to rock the boat. I was going to choose when to rock it. And that’s what reclaiming your voice is about. I know when to rock the boat.
Lora Cheadle [00:52:41]:
There’s times don’t rock the boat, but it’s not about never rocking it, stuffing it down, shutting up, put up and shut up. It’s about when am I going to rock this and how. How am I going to rock this boat? How am I going to do that? As a lawyer, I’m good at advocacy. Let’s learn some advocacy skills. Let’s learn how to rock the boat in a constructive manner. Let’s learn how to say the things we want to say so we can get our needs met instead of unbridled self expression. I’m just spewing all this stuff out out there and now I’m pissing everybody off and now everybody’s shut down and angry. Using your voice is about stepping into the skills and power of.
Lora Cheadle [00:53:22]:
How do you use your voice? Similarly with vision. What was your vision growing up of your. Of your life? Did you think it would be like this? Probably not. It’s about reconnecting back to that vision and choosing to live a life that leads to that vision. Because so many of us live by default. Life has created us. Oh, well, this happens and I have to manage now. This happens and I have to manage.
Lora Cheadle [00:53:55]:
Okay. This job shift happens and I have to manage. This relationship happens and I have to manage this health crisis happened and I have to manage how much of your life is. Yeah, I got to manage that. Yeah, I got to manage that. Yeah, I got to manage that. If you’re like so many of us, you get to the point where you’re like, all I did was react in life. All I did was like hit the next ball that was coming at me.
Lora Cheadle [00:54:22]:
I lost the vision for my relationship. I lost the vision for myself. And that naked selfworth this Radical Freedom is about reclaiming your voice by learning the skills, how to use it and reclaiming that vision so you can be the artistic creator of your life and be like, this doesn’t fit. This does fit. More of this, please. Less of this, please. It’s about living unhidden, on purpose and out loud, in service of something greater. Like at the beginning of the show when I was talking about flaunt.
Lora Cheadle [00:55:04]:
It’s not about grandiosity and being a jerko face. This is about living unhidden and real and authentic and grounded and on purpose, with intention and with clarity because you have the skills. You have the knowledge. So many of us, nobody is taught, not even so many of us, nobody is taught how to do life. We just stumble into life because we’re at a certain age and our parents stumbled into life because they’re at a certain age, and we’re all just figuring it out as we go. And the reason self help is so popular, I think, is because so many people are like, I gotta figure this out. But then also, the reason that a lot of self help doesn’t work is there’s no accountability after the fact. Like, okay, well, here’s what you’ve learned.
Lora Cheadle [00:55:54]:
But now how are we going to apply it? And we don’t apply it because there’s no real reason to apply it. Like, if you have a horrible diagnosis, you’re going to change your diet and lifestyle so much more quickly than if there’s no horrible diagnosis and you’re like, you know, I really should lose weight. I really should eat less sugar. I really should, but it’s hard. And then you get diabetes and you’re like, oh, things are going to shift now. That’s what an affair does. It makes you go, oh, I got to do this now. It’s the ultimate accountability gift.
Lora Cheadle [00:56:35]:
If that’s what you choose it to be, infidelity can destroy you or it can set you free. Infidelity 100% can destroy you, or it can set you free. And that is your choice. Betrayal is a sacred initiation. It uncovers the truth and it sets you free. If that is what you choose. If you are loving this show, if you were loving the show and you’re like, whoa, it did shift my life. Lora was right.
Lora Cheadle [00:57:18]:
The perspectives. I’m seeing it click, click, click, click, click. It’s all clicking into place. And I am so ready to go deeper. You can book an introductory session with me for only $97. You and me, one on one. Download your betrayal recovery guide at betrayal recoveryguide.com it’s going to give you the first five stages of healing. This is the first part of of my clinically backed Flaunt framework and it’s give going to give you the link to book a session with me right there on the download page.
Lora Cheadle [00:57:55]:
Here’s what happens. You go to betrayal recovery guide.com it says put in your name, put in your email address. You click, you get taken to a thank you page where you can download the guide. And then right at the bottom of that page it’s book your session with Lora. Here there is a calendar for right there. You literally put in the date, you book your session, you click pay and it’s done. Betrayal Recovery Guide.com book your $97 introductory session with me and take action. Move ahead.
Lora Cheadle [00:58:36]:
Do this. Say yes to the sacred initiation. Allow yourself to be set free because you, my sweet, sweet, sweet sister, were never, ever meant to play small. Have an amazing week. And as usual, always remember to flaunt exactly who you are. Because who you are is always more than enough. Tune in next time to flaunt, find your sparkle and create a life you love after Infidelity or betrayal with Lora Cheadle every Wednesday at 7am and 7pm Eastern Standard Time on syndicated Dream Vision 7 radio network. Uncover the truth of what’s possible for you on the other side of betrayal and develop the skills and strategies necessary to embrace the future and flourish today.
Lora Cheadle [00:59:31]:
Download your free Betrayal Recovery toolkit@betrayalrecoveryguide.com.