From Performance to Presence: The Holiday Shift That Brings Back the Magic (Especially After Betrayal)

Woman by Chrsitmas tree looking peaceful and fulfilled

What would it be like to actually feel the moment you’re working so hard to create?

In this powerful pre-Thanksgiving episode, Lora gets real about the way so many women — especially those healing after betrayal — kill themselves trying to stage the “perfect” holiday, only to feel numb, resentful, or empty inside.

From Hallmark-movie expectations to Norman Rockwell Thanksgivings, Lora unpacks how performance, perfectionism, control, and emotional over-functioning have been culturally trained into women… and how betrayal often ramps those patterns up even more.

You’ll learn why performance is actually a nervous system survival response (fawn/fix), how it quietly steals your joy, and what it means to shift into deep, grounded presence — so you can finally experience the love, connection, and magic you’ve been trying to manufacture for everyone else.

Just in time for the holidays, this episode is your invitation to stop chasing the moment… and start feeling it.

Want to go deeper? Read the full Performance → Presence blog here: 

Top 3 Takeaways

  1. Performance is how we manage love when we no longer trust it.
    After betrayal and in dysfunctional family systems, performance becomes a form of protection. We overdo, overgive, and overfunction to cover our fear that love, safety, or support won’t be there.
  2. Performance is a nervous system response — presence is where the healing happens.
    Beyond fight/flight/freeze, Lora explains the “fourth F”: fawn/fix. That impulse to keep everyone happy, keep everything perfect, and pretend you’re fine is actually a trauma response that blocks creativity, intimacy, and joy.
  3. Your joy was never stolen by betrayal — it was stolen by the patterns you learned before it.
    Betrayal doesn’t destroy your joy; it uncovers the truth about all the ways you’ve been stealing it from yourself through scripts, shoulds, and chronic performance. Presence is how you get it back.

Favorite Quotes

  • “The harder we try to create the perfect experience, the further we drift from actually feeling it.”
  • “Performance is how we manage love when we no longer trust it.”
  • “Presence is our soul’s way of being felt.”
  • “Your joy has not been stolen by betrayal. Betrayal simply uncovers the truth about the behaviors that were stealing your joy long before.”

Free FLAUNT! Holiday Reset & Book Club

If this episode hit home, your next step is simple:

Join Lora on December 1st for a free live FLAUNT! Book Club & Workshop — a Holiday Reset designed to move you from performance to presence in real time.

You’ll:

  • Work with practices from FLAUNT! Drop Your Cover and Reveal Your Smart, Sexy & Spiritual Self
  • Get tools to break your performance scripts and over-functioning habits
  • Have space to decompress after Thanksgiving and prepare for the rest of the season in a different way
  • Practice embodying presence so you can actually feel the joy you’re creating

Sign up free: TheFlauntBook.com

You don’t need to be “caught up” or have read the whole book. Just bring yourself, your copy, and a willingness to show up as you are.

Resources & Links

  • Free FLAUNT! Book Club + Workshop (Dec 1): TheFlauntBook.com
  • FLAUNT! Drop Your Cover and Reveal Your Smart, Sexy & Spiritual Self – available wherever books are sold
  • Free Betrayal Recovery Toolkit: BetrayalRecoveryGuide.com
  • Learn more about Lora’s coaching & programs: LoraCheadle.com

.

Free Betrayal Recovery Guide

You don’t have to stay shattered. Download your FREE Betrayal Recovery Guide and come back home to yourself with clarity, confidence, and unshakable self-trust.

✅ Calm the chaos inside & out

✅ Break free from the trauma bonds

✅ Stop the spiral of second-guessing

✅ Call back your power, self-trust, & self-worth

Download Your Free Betrayal Recovery Guide

Ready for More?

I'm Lora Cheadle

I’m Lora Cheadle, JD, CHt—a betrayal recovery expert, attorney, TEDx speaker, and author of FLAUNT! and It’s Not Burnout, It’s Betrayal. After uncovering my husband’s 15-year affair, I turned my own pain into purpose, helping high-achieving women reclaim their identity, power, and joy. As a trauma-aware coach and somatic therapist, I blend legal clarity with emotional and spiritual healing to guide women toward full-spectrum recovery.

Lora's Books

Flaunt! by Lora Cheadle
It’s Not Burnout, It’s Betrayal: 5 Tools to FUEL UP & Thrive

Special Offers from Our Sponsors!

BetterHelp

Thank you to BetterHelp for sponsoring this podcast! Take charge of your mental health and get 10% off your first month of therapy.

BetterHelp.com

READY TO START A BETTER CHAPTER? 
Step into the future you’ve always dreamed of with the power of transformative rituals with the Mindful Subscription Box. Get a monthly box full of crystals, aromatherapy, and other spiritual tools worth $120. You deserve high-quality gems, crystals, oils, and mindfulness tools for self-care that truly works. It’s a monthly dose of self-love delivered right to your door!

Use Discount Code LORA30 for 30% off your order!

www.Mindfulsouls.com
Advertise on FLAUNT!

Get the Transcript

  • Lora Cheadle [00:00:02]: What would it be like to actually feel the moment that you were trying so hard to create? We plan dinners, we light the candles, we watch Hallmark movies. We have all of these expectations for what our holidays are going to look like, for what these big events are going to look like, for what our family, our relationship is going to feel like. Like. And then we chase those moments. We chase the kind of rush that we see on screen. And then we’re disappointed when our holidays, when our events, when our families don’t turn out the way that we wanted them to be. The truth. The truth is, the more we try, the more we perform, the more we strive for that perfect experience, the further we drift from feeling it, the further we drift from having it, the further we drift from achieving it. Lora Cheadle [00:01:20]: Today, kind of on the eve of the holiday season, I know we’ve just had Halloween, but we’ve got Thanksgiving, Christmas, Kwanzaa, New Year’s, just like all these other things coming up. I really want to talk about the pattern of performance, perfection, control and emotional over functioning. And if you’re anything like I used to be, you might be like, I don’t really know what you’re talking about. I just want to do things nice for my family. I just want to have a great Christmas for once, you know what I mean? For once. I just want to have that kind of New Year’s Eve that everybody else has. And you might not see the same way. I didn’t see how my performing, how my perfectionism, how my deep heartfelt desire for all of those incredible, amazing things was the actual one thing that was blocking me from getting them. Lora Cheadle [00:02:33]: So today we are going to talk about how to move from performance into a deep embodied presence. And how that one shift can bring back the magic that we’ve been trying to manufacture. Even when we are struggling, even when we are dealing with betrayal, even when things look different and other people might or might not know what we’re going through. Because that presence, that presence is the real luxury. It’s the one thing that we can’t buy, it’s the one thing that we can’t schedule, and it’s the one thing that we can’t fake. We are moving into truly a season of performance. We are moving into a season where days are getting shorter, nights are getting longer, the weather tends to be a little bit worse, at least here in the northern hemisphere. And we want to go inside and we want to slow down, down. Lora Cheadle [00:03:49]: But the world is telling us just the opposite. The world is telling us speed up, go to more More parties, eat food that’s bad for you, but keep, keep yourself in shape. So that means you’ve got to work out more. Buy all of this, all of these gifts for people, spend money, maybe money that you don’t have, and that it’s supposed to be the happiest time of the year, that you’re supposed to have deep family memories and connections. We’re all gathering around the turkey and we don’t talk a lot about the fact that a lot of families are dysfunctional and have dysfunction and that it can be stressful to gather around and to pretend that things are okay or to really enjoy each other’s company. Sometimes you just can’t enjoy each other’s company because there’s, there’s been trauma, there’s been abuse, there’s maybe alcoholism. You’re struggling with some other things. And to sit down and try to put on this picture perfect hall holiday family event, oh my gosh, it’s just too much. Lora Cheadle [00:04:56]: And even though that’s a normal, normal thing that has been conditioned into women, into our society around this holiday season, this whole cultural training that we’re the ones who hold it all together, we’re the ones who create magic for our family, we’re the ones who blah blah, blah, blah, blah, blah blah. After betrayal, performance also becomes a sort of a protection. It becomes this sort of two way protection actually. First in that if people around us know we want to put on this perfect performance, that the cheating clearly wasn’t about me. You can see me, you can see that I’m perfect, you can see that I’m amazing. And this clearly is not about me. So look at me. How could he do this? Look at me, I’m perfect. Lora Cheadle [00:05:49]: Look at me. I’ve held it all together. So it becomes like this defensive projection of perfection that puts us in the right and makes our partner wrong, puts our partner in the wrong. And when we are leaning into that kind of a hierarchy, it’s not going to make for good conversation, connection, family things. It’s going to make for an experience where you feel less than where you feel like a victim. And I will just go ahead and say it because I did it too. I put myself in the position of feeling like a victim. I set myself up as sometimes the long suffering wife and mom who did it all and who was underappreciated and undervalued. Lora Cheadle [00:06:42]: And it doesn’t feel good to be underappreciated and undervalued. And yet I never saw or realized that I was doing it to myself. I was taking that feeling of feeling undervalued and underappreciated, and I was amplifying it with my energy of continuing to overperform, to over function, to set higher and higher expectations. So I was amplifying my feelings of being overlooked. Another way that we perform, perform perfection to protect ourselves is by not letting people in. When I am so harried and busy and I’m running around cooking this and buying this and making the table look just so and doing the perfect outfit and the perfect place settings and, like, all of those things, I don’t have time to drop in and connect with you because I’m too busy. I’m the one who does it all. I have to do it all. Lora Cheadle [00:07:52]: And when I put myself on that pedestal, then I’m too busy to connect at a heart level with you, with anyone. So it keeps me out of the fray, so to speak, but it also keeps me out of the joy. I remember so many holidays, especially when my kids were younger, where I swear I killed myself for like a month and a half, you know, with the decorations and the gifts and the coordinated wrapping paper and the parties and the outfits and always putting on that happy face and always leaning in and not saying no and, you know, pretending to be wide awake when I wasn’t and having an extra coffee in the afternoon to power through. And then, like, during the Santa Claus years, staying up so late to get the gifts out and making the tree just perfect and then being so exhausted the next day that I was kind of in a coma. I was in a bit of a coma because, yay, we’re up early. Oh, I’m exhausted. But I did it. And then pretty soon everybody’s coming over for dinner, and it’s a lot. Lora Cheadle [00:09:10]: And I remember getting really frustrated sometimes that I couldn’t just lay on the floor in my pajamas with my kids and play Thomas the Tank Engine with them, that I always had to keep going. And then it would build up resentment with Sean, my husband, that, why aren’t you doing all of these things? Why am I the only one doing this? And it really took a lot. It took the betrayal for me to really see how when we were each leaning into that performance, how it was driving us away from each other and away from our kids. You know, there’s that bad moms Christmas movie that I dearly love. If you haven’t seen it, go check it out. But it’s basically that it’s where two moms. Not two moms, four moms. I think it is all agree that enough is enough. Lora Cheadle [00:10:08]: They’re not going to do this anymore. They are going to have some fun. That they are tired of creating all the magic and making all the perfection and going to the ballet that they don’t really want to see and doing all the big things that they don’t really care about. And that they’re sacrificing the time and the connection and the love and the joy of for show and how to let all of that go and really find that love and that joy. Watch the movie. It’ll. It’ll bring up a lot. Most people that I talk to, they’re like, I don’t know why, but I really wanted to cry. Lora Cheadle [00:10:45]: I really got teary through that. And it’s true. Because the holidays hold so much pressure, so much promise. And it is supposed to be this magical time. And we want it to be this magical time. And we kill ourselves trying to make it a magical time. And what we sacrifice in the process is love, joy, peace and connection. We sacrifice all of the things that we are trying to create. Lora Cheadle [00:11:11]: So I want you to think about this both with regards to your current or former intimate partner, but also in regards to your family of origin, especially if it’s a little bit dysfunctional. Performance is how we manage love when we no longer trust it. Performance is how we manage love when we no longer trust it. So think about your family of origin. Think about your current or past family or relationships. Think about how the more insecure we feel that the love will be there, the connection will be there, the support will be there, the safety will be there. How the more we amp up to cover for the fact that we don’t really trust that love. Performing disconnects us from ourself. Lora Cheadle [00:12:26]: Performance is actually one of the responses a nervous system response there is. Fight, flight. Performance is more than just a woman’s cultural response to creating a magical holiday season. It is one of the psychological defense mechanisms that we use. I’m sure you’ve heard of fight, flight or freeze, but the fourth of those Fs is either fawn or fix. And fawning and fixing is really just performance. Sometimes people say, I don’t exactly understand what that is. Well, it’s performance. Lora Cheadle [00:13:27]: It’s making sure everyone is taken care of. It’s making sure you’re taken care of. It’s making sure just, we’re all good, everything is fine, there’s no problem here. And that is a nervous system response. And it keeps us in that state of nervous system dysregulation. It keeps us in that state of being disconnected, being hyper vigilant. And again, we do it because we think we’re protecting ourselves, when in reality, we are disconnecting ourselves. When we are in a state of performance or fix or fun, it blocks our creativity, it blocks our joy, it blocks our ability to connect intimately, both with our partners and our kids, as well as our friends and our family and everybody. Lora Cheadle [00:14:18]: Because we are wearing a mask, we’re performing. When you perform, you wear a mask. When you perform, you wear a costume. When you perform, you read the lines, you follow the script. You do what you’re supposed to do. You’re not being. You’re not in that deep presence. You’re not embodied, you’re not in your belly. Lora Cheadle [00:14:37]: When you are in performance mode, you have built up a wall between yourself and your soul. Now, we have talked a lot over the last few weeks about the Flaunt framework, and I’m not going to break that down in this episode. You can listen to it in some of the other episodes that I’ve recently done. But Flaunt is the way back from being too covered up, from being too performative. Flaunt helps you, just as the title says, drop your cover and reveal yourself is to drop that armor, to drop the COVID to take off the masks, to take off the pretense and the performance, and to really just drop into being who you are. And it can be messy sometimes. You can have the most intimate, beautiful, amazing connection when you’re messy, when you’re authentically messy. And that’s what I want to invite you into this season. Lora Cheadle [00:15:43]: Because something really remarkable happens when you stop performing, when you stop trying so hard, when you stop seeking to please not only other people, but like, weirdly seeking to please this vision of what you’re holding up in your head. In. In my book, in the Flop Framework, I talk a lot about the scripts. What are the scripts that you have in your head about the way Thanksgiving should look like this perfect Norman Rockwell Thanksgiving? What are the scripts in your head around what this perfect Christmas magical season should look like? What is the script in your head about New Year’s Eve? Flaunt is all about recognizing that those are scripts and that we are playing roles in service of trying to create that script in our own life when chances are high that that’s not really what we want or who we are or what is going to work. So what you may be asking is the alternative, like, okay, Laurie, you’ve railed on about performance and how it’s culturally conditioned and how we do it to protect ourselves. But what is that shift? What do you mean? From performance to perfection, from performance to presence. Because really, I’m not going to drop the ball on everything. I’m not going to not decorate this year, Although there’s been a couple years since my infidelity journey that I have not decorated. Lora Cheadle [00:17:11]: And you know what? That’s totally liberating. So if you don’t want to decorate, honestly, just don’t. If you don’t want to host a big dinner, just don’t. Just don’t. You don’t have to. But if you’re like, no, I still want to do some of these things because it’s meaningful to me. It’s meaningful to me to still have the dinner, to still have the people over. But I want to actually feel it. Lora Cheadle [00:17:36]: I want to really feel the love. I really want to have my heart expand, and I want to feel open and connected. And I want. I want that Hallmark movie experience for once in my own life. That’s what we’re going to talk about right now. That’s what we’re going to move into, is how to shift from performance to presence. Okay, here is what you do to start. You have to start by feeling it. Lora Cheadle [00:18:09]: And you might be saying, but I don’t know what it’s like. I haven’t been there. And what I’m going to say is, yes, you do. You’ve watched the movies that make you go, oh, oh, you’ve watched that. So what does it feel like? What is your end goal? Because we have to begin with the end in mind. What is it that you want to feel? And I’m going to challenge you to break this down, because it’s not. I want to see my children’s eyes shining and my husband, da da da da da, wrapping his arms around me and standing there with a beautiful necklace. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Lora Cheadle [00:18:45]: No, I’m talking about how do you want to feel? How do you feel when those big glorious moments happen in movies? How do you feel at the end of it? So when Wonderful Life, how do you feel? Start with your body. Where do you feel that? Is it like a warm glowing around your heart? Is it like down your back is softening? Is it in your belly? Where do you feel it? What is your favorite holiday movie? And how do you feel? The other day I was in a store, and they were playing some Christmas carols, and it got me a really festive feeling. And to me, festive feels kind of bubbly and exciting. It feels like expectation. It energizes me. It puts me back into that mode of feeling like a kid. What does presence feel like to you? What does presence. What does holiday magic feel like to you? And now I want you to think, in the past, where were you striving to create those perfect moments instead of allowing the real ones to unfold? Where were you striving to create the perfect moment instead of allowing the real ones to unfold? Just notice. Lora Cheadle [00:20:43]: No blame, no shame, no judgment. Just notice. And I want you to pause, and if you can, put your hand over your heart or on your belly, breathe into that feeling, whether it’s bubbly or warm or cherished or whatever it is, and ask yourself, what am I trying to prove when I perform? What am I trying to prove? Is this about worthiness? Is this about love? Is this about being good enough? Is this you trying to justify receiving? What am I trying to prove? Take a breath, and I want you to go back to a time where you realized it was safer to perform than it was to be in that state of grounded presence. When I was a little girl, I was an only child. I’m still an only child. Not only only child, but an only grandchild on both sides and an only great grandchild on both sides. And oftentimes people will say, wow, I bet you were so spoiled. I bet that was amazing. Lora Cheadle [00:22:32]: And in a lot of ways, yes, I was so spoiled, and yes, it was so amazing. And also in a lot of ways, it gave me a lot of pressure because it was just me. And during the holidays, everybody would come over or we would go there, and I was it. You know what I mean? Like, I was it. And I felt like I had to give the perfect response to the gifts, and I had to play the role, and I had to give everybody what they were looking for. You know what I mean? It’s not like the attention was spread out between all these other people, and I could just quietly slip into my own little space or feel a moment of disappointment that I didn’t get this. When I had really wanted that. I was on display. Lora Cheadle [00:23:24]: I was front and center for everybody, and I loved them, and they loved me, and I didn’t want to disappoint them. So I would perform some things, and I would feel anxiety over not loving something, and people would say, you know, oh, my gosh, your face just shows everything. So I would be really aware of my face because it was like, okay, I’m opening a present, and I need to get my face right, because if I open it and it’s not what I want or I don’t like it, or it disappoints me. I don’t want my face to show it because then I’m going to disappoint these people that I love. So over the years, I moved into more and more performing because it was safer, because I didn’t want to disappoint people. I continued that patterning in school. I didn’t want to disappoint my teachers. I didn’t like getting in trouble. Lora Cheadle [00:24:34]: It’s not fun to get in trouble. So I would rather bend over backwards, kill myself to meet their need, meet their expectations, and please them so I could get a positive response versus speak my truth, take care of myself, and risk disappointing them. And I know there’s that balance there because in school, at work, places like that, we do have expectations and we have to meet those expectations to a certain extent. And yet still, where, where do we advocate for ourselves? Where can we allow ourselves in? Like, there is only so much you can do sometimes. Again, whether it’s at school or work. And if something is really coming up, how can you be okay disappointing somebody else? How can you show up not on your A game? Because you’re being authentic. And through that authenticity, you can sometimes make bigger progress than through that constant state of performance. And I wanted to bring that up because it is a little bit different in the workplace at school than in a relationship. Lora Cheadle [00:25:53]: And it’s also a little bit different in relationships too. Like if it’s your, some, your, your child’s birthday or your parents, you know, whatever. No, you can’t hijack their huge event by going into your own emotional crisis. There are times we need to put on a happy face and we need to get through. I remember my son had his birthday shortly after D Day, and we had to go to dinner. Like, we had to go to dinner. My youngest graduated, my oldest had his birthday. We had to have some family meals and some family events. Lora Cheadle [00:26:28]: And it wouldn’t have been fair for me to make it about me. I still had to put on the happy face and I still had to perform to make it about them. But it wasn’t about me moving into a space of chronic and constant performance. Other people could see my tears, my confusion, my dismay, my total shattering at different times. But I could also pull it together to get through the big events. But then I spent the rest of the time grounded and in my own body and connected to my own emotions. So as we’re talking about this move from performance to presence, I want you to flow it and to embody it in your way. No, I’m not saying throw a fit at Christmas or at Thanksgiving and stand up on the table and do all of this horrible stuff. Lora Cheadle [00:27:29]: Yes, there are times you might need to fake it to get through something. But what I’m saying is, how can you give yourself the space and the permission to not fake everything all the time? To get out of that habit of performing and to be okay disappointing other people to be okay disappointing other people, to let people manage their own emotions and to sit with their own discomfort in service of you being more fully connected to who you are. Betrayal, the whole infidelity journey really helped me see how I spent more of my life performing than I deserve to. Presence is our soul’s way of being felt. Presence is that deep, grounded enoughness and joy, and it’s the richness of being fully alive. And it wasn’t until I went through this betrayal journey that I was really able to look back and say, you know what? There were experiences that I had that I didn’t fully feel because I was so worried about managing and getting to the next thing and controlling and over functioning. And it helped me see that I deserve to feel, I deserve to get the joy that I’m creating for others. I deserve to feel the joy that I’m creating for others. Lora Cheadle [00:29:17]: And that when I step back, it gives that joy and opportunity to unfold and grow and flourish and manifest. And that is the real holiday magic, the kind of magic that you can feel, the kind of joy that brings you to your heart, to your belly, to your shoulders. The kind of joy that you can relax into and feel fully. Some people call it surrender. I have mixed feelings about the word surrender because I still have some control issues. But I want you to compare and contrast that curated perfection like that curated perfect holiday that we all craft, the holiday, look, the table, all that stuff with true lived intimacy. And whether it’s surrender or letting go or dropping in, I want you to see if you can imagine, visualize or pretend that you can see a path, a literal path between those two, between the curated perfection and that lived intimacy. And that you can see yourself kind of moving back and forth between those two extremes, if you will, that yes, there’s times you move into the perfection, but then you run back towards the intimacy and that it’s this flow, it’s this give and take, and that everything ultimately is done in service of that lived intimacy. Lora Cheadle [00:31:13]: And I’ve mentioned this paradox before, but it’s true. The moment you stop chasing, the warmth and joy will find you. The moment you stop directing and curating, all of that happiness and that lived experience will find you. It sounds cheesy in a way, but we all have had the experience where we’ve lost somebody that we’ve loved or we miss out on an experience and then we have regret. Why didn’t I do this? I wish I could just have one more season or I. I wish I hadn’t have let this happen to her. I wish, I wish, I wish. And yet still we can say that like, I just wish I could have had one more conversation, one more holiday, one more time. Lora Cheadle [00:32:06]: But then when we’re presented the opportunity to really drop in and go deep with somebody, how often do we cut that short? Oh, I can’t have lunch with you right now. I’ve got so much to do. You know, listen, I need to get off the phone because I have just got to get this taken care of. So it’s again, it’s that paradox. We get it and we know it and we’ve had those regrets and we’ve had those experiences. And then when the opportunity comes up to drop in and really go deep and spend quality time with somebody, we shut it down. This year, I want you to let peace come to you. This year I want you to move in to whatever you want to call it, the surrender or the peace or the presence, but I want you to magnetize it it to you. Lora Cheadle [00:32:54]: I don’t want you to chase anything. I want you to stop, drop, you know, the fire thing. Stop, drop and roll. We’re gonna stop. We’re gonna drop in and we’re gonna roll around in the juicy goodness that is our life and our relationships. This year we are going to let peace come to us. This year we are going to receive that kind of joy. Going back to what I was saying earlier about thinking about your favorite movie, your picture perfect postcard experience, I want you to hold that feeling. Lora Cheadle [00:33:38]: Not the details, not the details, not the sparkly eye or the diamond necklace, but the feeling in your body. Move your head over your shoulders. Move your shoulders over your hips. Balance your weight left to right. And I want you to feel that feeling inside of you, growing and expanding. And I want you to use that feeling as the beacon to pull into, magnetize experiences that will amplify that feeling for you. Just in the same way I talked about how we can amplify negative feelings, how we can amplify the feeling of being overlooked or underappreciated I want you to amplify consciously the feeling of joy, the feeling of connection, the feeling of holiday magic, whatever that means for you. That feeling of yay, the angel got his wings at the end of It’s a Wonderful Life. Lora Cheadle [00:34:56]: Magnify that feeling. And of course, start small. Is it just a smile from somebody at the store that dropped you in to that feeling of happiness? The way that hearing those Christmas songs at the store that I was at last weekend magnified my feelings of being festive? Maybe you’re going to a holiday luncheon or you’re doing some volunteer work. I know so many people are struggling to have adequate food this year. Maybe you are inexperienced like that. Lean in and magnify how good it feels. Don’t just drop toys in the toys for tot donations or make a contribution to a local food bank. Feel it and magnetize how good that feels and amplify it so more experiences will come in to you. Lora Cheadle [00:36:04]: Your joy has not been stolen by betrayal. Betrayal simply uncovers the truth of all of those behaviors that we had in the past that were stealing our joy. Betrayal doesn’t steal your joy. Infidelity doesn’t steal your joy or ruin your life. Betrayal uncovers the truth about all of the ways that we have stolen our own joy, that we have chased the meaningless and then lamented the fact that we couldn’t find real connection and intimacy and meaning. I have got a free book club and workshop that’s coming up on December 1st. And the whole point, the whole reason that I’m doing this is because I want to show you how to move from that performance into that true, grounded presence. I want to show you how because I had a hard time figuring it out. Lora Cheadle [00:37:27]: I had a hard time breaking out of the patriarchy, breaking out of all of my limiting beliefs, breaking out of those shoulds, stripping out of those ideas and scripts. I had a hard time not managing everybody else’s emotional experience. And it’s not hard once you know how to do it. So that’s why I am doing this free book club around my book. Flaunt, drop your cover and reveal your smart, sexy and spiritual self. Because those that book has the practices that helps you regain that presence. But then we’re also doing the workshop part of it so you can practice it so you’ll have time to decompress from American Thanksgiving because it’s December 1st and prep before Christmas, New Year’s, all of the other holidays that are coming up. I want you to have the experience of doing it in workshop Format in a safe space with me so that when the events come up in your life, you understand, you’re able to ascertain, hey, where am I performing? Where am I projecting? What am I seeking to protect? And how can I amplify the positive, amplify the joy and stop amplifying the negative stories, but amplify the positive so I can attract more of that in and I can actually have the experiences that I am working so hard to create. Lora Cheadle [00:39:16]: And if you are like I used to be too, where we’re like, oh, I’m still not quite sure if I’m performing. I just want a happy experience for my family. I just want this. Holidays are meaningful. It’ll help with that too. Because again, the harder we perform, the more we lose touch with life. Presence, grounded, deep presence is what creates the magic that we have been chasing. And your joy, your sparkle, it never left. Lora Cheadle [00:39:53]: It wasn’t ruined by betrayal. It’s waiting for you inside. It’s waiting for you to be uncovered. Finally, once you strip out of and release all, all of those layers of expectation and performance and over functioning and control. So before, before we move on, I’m going to give you some of the information about the book club and workshop. Go to the flaunt book.com sign up, you’ll get the link. No pressure. There’s nothing that you have to do or be. Lora Cheadle [00:40:30]: It’s not a workshop where you have to do anything. It’s one where you get to experience and drop in and be. So before I talk more about that, I want to just give you a few tools to find that grounded presence. I gave you a simple one earlier when I said head over your shoulders, shoulders over your hips, balance your weight left and right. That’s a simple grounded tool to move back into that state of presence. Another one that I started the show with was think about that movie that just warms your heart. Think about that song that just makes you go, oh, or that scene or whatever. Feel that feeling. Lora Cheadle [00:41:17]: Not the details of the scene, but the feeling that that creates and bring that feeling up in your. That was a great tool for presence. And here’s another one. I want you to sit or stand wherever is comfortable for you. And I just want you to imagine or pretend that energy is coming out of your throat, your forehead, the top of your head, the sides of your head above each year, the back of your head, the back of your neck, and feel the energy come out so simultaneously at the front of the heart, the back of the heart and both sides of the Heart. So from the heart up, you’ve got radiance, 360 degrees all around you. That radiance is your presence. That radiance is the antenna. Lora Cheadle [00:42:53]: It’s the transceiver. It both sends out and receives in that which you attract. If you are sending out peace, magic, warmy, yummy feelings, this presence will pick up those feelings and bring them back to you. Send and receive. Heart, throat, all around the head. Take a breath and then move into the rest of your day. Maybe today, maybe right now, as you’re listening to the show, isn’t the day that you want to transceive holiday magic and joy. Maybe today is the day that you really need kindness, that you really need loving kindness and support. Lora Cheadle [00:44:10]: Transceive that. Find those connection points around the head, top of the head, all around the throat and the heart. Send out what you wish to receive. Kindness, grace, compassion. Because what you put out is what comes back to you. Presence is magnetic. Performance is artificial. And I want you to think about the times when it’s hard to be in that state of grounded presence. Lora Cheadle [00:44:59]: When something hurts emotionally, physically, however, and how our attention goes to the thing that’s the loudest. The pain in our broken ankle, the pain in our heart, the shattering of our soul. And yet still we can have that pain, that shattering, that grief, that rage. And we can still have presence and positive expectation and softness. We can be in a body that has a physical pain. We can be in a heart that feels shattered. We can be in a mind that feels broken and confused. We can be in a body that is wracked with grief or rage. Lora Cheadle [00:46:20]: Whatever it is that you’re feeling, just be with that emotion for a bit. Be with it and feel the deep presence of that emotion. Feel the support of your body within itself. My favorite presence tool or presence practice is using the body to do what it is that I need emotionally. So if I need support, how can I use my body in a way that is supportive? I can stand with good posture. I can align my spine. I can pull my ears back over my shoulder and pull the crown of my head to the sky. I can give my body good support. Lora Cheadle [00:47:33]: Maybe I can put on more supportive shoes or use a compression style lifting belt or a knee brace. What are the things that I can do to support my body in order to support my level of presence? Presence isn’t artificial. And sometimes we get confused about that because there’s talks about like, you know, the Wonder Woman pose and faking it until you make it and. And all of those things can be helpful in the right situation. But presence is being who you are. It’s not faking who you’re not. Presence is truly being who you are and being okay, being who you are. So if you need love, how can you use your body to create love? If you need nurturing and nourishing, what can you feed yourself? What is the comfort food? The healthy steps that you can take to truly nourish and nurture yourself. Lora Cheadle [00:48:59]: You know, we call it comfort food for a reason, because it’s comforting. And there is nothing wrong with comfort food. It’s just that how can we balance it with nourishing food as well? For some reason, one of my comfort foods, and I have no idea why, is frozen pizza. Like, the cheaper the frozen pizza, the better, the more comforting it feels for me. I can take care of myself when I need comforting by getting my super cheap frozen pizza and eating the whole darn thing. And I can also give myself my healthy vitamins, my water, and maybe begin my frozen pizza eating escapade with a healthy salad. But it’s that awareness of that presence and it’s making my body do what it needs and using my body as the instrument. I was saying earlier that it’s the antenna, that it’s the transceiver that we transmit and we receive. Lora Cheadle [00:50:06]: A transceiver both emits and receives and what we emit is what we receive. So if I am admitting I am taking care of myself, I’m giving myself comfort and I’m balancing in nutrition, I’m omitting that. I’m admitting that I am worthy of my frozen pizza and I’m also worthy of having a nutritious salad to balance that. So what am I going to be receiving? Same when I stand up tall, when I have good posture, when I take a walk, when I take a break, when I break away from the never ending emails or whatever it is, what am I transmitting out there that I’m worth, that I’m worth this? I’m worthy of the time away. I am worthy of a workout or whatever it is. So what do I receive? I receive more time. If I take time, I’ll receive more time. Especially at the holidays. Lora Cheadle [00:51:14]: I think people sometimes freak out around that I don’t have time to do all of this. If you’re admitting that I don’t have time, you’re going to get back less time. Start every day, and I do mean start every day, just with a moment, a breath, a meditation of gratitude. My Rise and rain program includes daily 3 minute meditations and or daily 1 minute journal prompts. I give you the prompts. I give you the meditation. You choose what to do. It doesn’t matter what you do. Lora Cheadle [00:52:01]: It doesn’t matter if you do all the journal prompts and then do all the meditations. It doesn’t matter if you shift them back and forth. It doesn’t matter if you add in some of your own things. What matters is creating the habit of starting each day in that place of presence. Starting in the place of presence, of focus, of emitting the energy that I have time for peace. I have time for clarity. I have time for self reflection. Because then, guess what? You get back. Lora Cheadle [00:52:37]: Peace, clarity and time for self reflection. The holidays are coming. Don’t let performance steal your joy. Learn how to drop into a sense of grounded presence. Learn how to emit exactly what you want to receive. And this year, maybe for the first time ever, you can experience a true different kind of holiday magic. Join me on December 1st for my free book club and workshop. Go to theflauntbook.com and sign up. Lora Cheadle [00:53:23]: It’s free. You don’t have to have the book completed, just grab the book so you can use the exercises and do some reading. But no, you don’t have to be, quote unquote perfect. Just show up in that state of presence. Join me for this Flaunt Holiday reset. You will be so glad that you did. Because remember, betrayal doesn’t destroy you, it reveals you. And when you can move from performance to that deep grounded presence, you too can finally experience the magic that you have been trying to create all along. Lora Cheadle [00:54:16]: Have an amazing week. I can’t wait to see you live on Zoom theflauntbook.com and always remember to flaunt exactly who you are, because who you are is always more than enough.