How to Feel Like Yourself Again After Betrayal — Without Fixing a Thing

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“What if feeling like yourself again isn’t about fixing anything—but releasing what isn’t you anymore?” — Lora Cheadle

 

Healing isn’t supposed to be another job. In this soul-stirring solo episode, Lora Cheadle reframes recovery from betrayal, showing why focusing on fixing what’s broken only keeps you stuck in the cycle of pain.

Instead of “working on” yourself, what if you started creating yourself — not the perfect version, but the real one?

Through the Alter Ego Embodiment Exercise from her book FLAUNT! Drop Your Cover and Reveal Your Smart, Sexy & Spiritual Self, Lora invites you to use art, imagination, and movement to rediscover who you are beneath the masks, labels, and expectations. This isn’t about performing for others — it’s about performing to stop performing. You’ll practice being the version of you who already feels peaceful, playful, and free, until it becomes second nature.

Whether you’re newly betrayed or years past discovery day, this episode will help you exhale, unclench, and reconnect with the woman inside who’s ready to feel good again — not someday, but now.

 

You’ll Learn

  • Why focusing on “healing” often leads to more healing work (and not more freedom)
  • How to shift from fixing the past to creating your future self
  • The safe, playful power of alter ego embodiment to reclaim confidence and joy
  • How to integrate your shadow and higher self into a Statement of Divine Empowerment
  • Why somatic release through dance and movement (like Yogalesque®) works better than thinking your way through pain

Join the Creation and the Conversation

 

#BetrayalRecovery #HealingAfterInfidelity #NonlinearHealing #SomaticHealing #MeditationForTrauma #IdentityAfterBetrayal #WomenHealingWomen #LifeChoreography #FromWoundedToWise #FLAUNTPodcast

 

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I'm Lora Cheadle

I’m Lora Cheadle, JD, CHt—a betrayal recovery expert, attorney, TEDx speaker, and author of FLAUNT! and It’s Not Burnout, It’s Betrayal. After uncovering my husband’s 15-year affair, I turned my own pain into purpose, helping high-achieving women reclaim their identity, power, and joy. As a trauma-aware coach and somatic therapist, I blend legal clarity with emotional and spiritual healing to guide women toward full-spectrum recovery.

Lora's Books

Flaunt! by Lora Cheadle
It’s Not Burnout, It’s Betrayal: 5 Tools to FUEL UP & Thrive

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Get the Transcript

  • Lora Cheadle [00:00:00]: What if feeling good again, what if feeling like yourself again wasn’t about fixing what was broken or getting to the bottom of why he cheated? What if feeling like yourself again was about releasing all of the things that aren’t really you anymore? In today’s show, I will invite you to unclench, to exhale, to stop efforting and working your way towards healing, to stop all of that endless Google searching and figuring it out and reading and doing and trying. And to help you ground back into who you most authentically are. To have that sacred reunion with yourself, with who you were before all of this happened, with who you were before you put on all of those masks that we all put on. The labels, the roles, the scripts, and to finally release and give yourself the gift of just being you? By this, by the end of this episode, it is really my intention for you to feel like yourself again. For you to realize that it isn’t about doing more work. It’s about allowing. Allowing what’s ready to leave, to leave. Allowing yourself to move on. Lora Cheadle [00:01:56]: Allowing yourself to make a decision, even if it’s the wrong decision, and I use wrong in air quotes, but just to allow yourself to decide, to move on, to do something. Because in my experience, not only personally, but in working with so many women and couples, I really know that the fastest way to feel like yourself again is to stop performing. To stop performing being competent and capable, to stop performing, being the old self who needed to keep everything together and to do it right and to just drop into being who you are. We are going to do an incredible exercise today that is going to change the way that you show up. I have had so many clients say that this exercise was life changing. As a matter of fact, this past weekend I went out with somebody who did one of my retreats, ooh, way back, maybe 20, 20, 21. And they said this one exercise truly has changed the way that they live. And that’s what you will have by the end of this show. Lora Cheadle [00:03:24]: You will have gone through this exercise. No, we’re not one on one. No, we’re not in a retreat together. But this alter ego embodiment exercise from my book, Flaunt, Drop your cover, reveal youl’re smart, sexy and spiritual self is one that will allow you to physically experience the shift. The shift from the compression of betrayal. You know, like when you wake up in the first 10 minutes of your day are like reorienting yourself to this new reality. And it’s going to help you shift out of that so you can wake up in the day and be like, yeah, I know who I am. So are you ready for this ride? Because it is really going to be a good one and I have so many good, good nuggets to drip along the way. Lora Cheadle [00:04:21]: I had mentioned doing this in a retreat. I do have a retreat coming up next April. So save the date. It’s the beginning the first week of April, so keep that in your mind, keep that in your heart. Yes. We’re going to get together in La Jolla, California. It’s absolutely beautiful there and you’re gonna love it. Absolutely going to love it. Lora Cheadle [00:04:49]: And I also, my other thing that’s coming up is I’ve got a book club coming up. December 1st, we are going to meet on Zoom for free. December 1st, we’re going to go through my book Flaunt, drop your cover and reveal your smart, sexy, spiritual self. And not only are we going to talk about the book, we are going to do some of the exercises in the book. So it’s more than just a book club. It’s a healing moment. It’s a fun, laughter filled afternoon where you can connect with me and just play. This is not focused on healing because again, what we focus on, we get more of. Lora Cheadle [00:05:35]: And sometimes when we focus on doing the work and healing and recovering, we get more recovery. I’m focusing on recovery. I get more recovery. I’m focusing on healing. There’s more to heal during this book club. December 1st, we are really focusing on being ourselves. We are focusing on being in a state of joy, in a state of empowerment, in a state of flow. We are focusing on what we want. Lora Cheadle [00:06:05]: Not only are we focusing on it, but we are embodying it. So I’m excited. I’m so excited. I think, you know, my favorite thing is that one on one personal time and connection with you. It’s one thing to speak to you in the podcast. I love speaking to you in the podcast. I feel you. I get so many emails and comments from you all and I love that. Lora Cheadle [00:06:32]: I love our connection here. It’s, it’s, it’s intimate, it’s profound, it’s deep. But oh my gosh, having that time either in person at a retreat or on Zoom, doing something like book club or a yoga less class, that’s really incredible in its own way because it makes things so much more personal and rich and rewarding. So with that, let’s get into this episode because I want you to walk away from today feeling like yourself again. Not only like yourself right before this whole thing ever happened, but yourself At a really deep soul level yourself as you haven’t been yourself for a long time. Okay, how I want to begin this is. Words matter. Words really matter. Lora Cheadle [00:07:34]: And I’m curious, what are the words that you have been saying to yourself through this journey? Because are you saying, I want to get over this? Are you saying I want to heal? Are you saying. What are you saying? And I want you to really think about that. What are you saying? Like, I know early on I would say, I just want this to go away. I just want this not to have happened. And then that would shift. And then later on I would say things like, oh, I just want to understand. I just want to figure this out. I just want to know why he did this. Lora Cheadle [00:08:21]: I just want to be able to wrap my mind around it. What are the things that you’re saying and how has that shifted? Because what I’ve come to realize, the core of all of the things that people say is I just want to feel normal again. I don’t want this to be so heavy in my life. I just want to wake up without that realization that, oh my God, another day. And now I have to figure out all these things. Healing feels like a job. How many of you are like I am now, this expert in infidelity? And I never wanted to be an expert in this. It doesn’t have to be a full time job anymore. Lora Cheadle [00:09:10]: You don’t have to have that heaviness. So much of the problem is, okay, let’s just be honest. We’re all high achievers, right? We are all capable. We are all fixers. We are the fixers in our homes and our families, in our jobs, in our world. People come to us to solve problems big because we know how to fix things. We take care of things. We don’t let things just go by the wayside. Lora Cheadle [00:09:38]: We are the fixers in our life. We do our deep emotional work. And that’s. That’s the lie. I think that’s one of the things that drives me so crazy about this whole industry, this whole betrayal recovery industry is. It’s not about constantly fixing ourselves. That’s a lie. It’s something that keeps us trapped, especially those of us who are high achievers. Lora Cheadle [00:10:10]: It keeps us trapped in the constant fixing. Not only do we have to fix ourselves, we have to fix our spouse or our ex or our kids or the world. Like, we keep being told that we have to do our way out of pain, that there’s always another hurdle. There’s always something more for us to do. Oh my Gosh, you haven’t been to therapy. You need to go to therapy. Oh, my gosh. You haven’t done journaling. Lora Cheadle [00:10:38]: You need to do that. Wait, you haven’t done emdr. I think you have to do that. Wait, you haven’t listened to this podcast or read this book or done this thing. You need to do that. You need to do it. You need to do it. And there’s some validity to learning more and to understanding and to doing some of the things. Lora Cheadle [00:10:58]: I mean, yes, we need to do certain things, but it keeps us trapped. And the industry doesn’t want to tell you that it keeps us trapped at some point. And that point is oftentimes sooner than you might imagine. What benefits us most is releasing and exhaling and feeling and dropping in and coming back home to who we are. And this is that somatic angle that I do a lot with. Somatics, for those of you who don’t know, are just feeling. It’s the body. It’s of the body in the body. Lora Cheadle [00:11:53]: And it’s about creating the feelings, the sensations in your body that you want to experience. So it’s about feeling how you want to feel. And oftentimes the way we want to feel is not compelled to research. It’s not compelled to figure it all out. It’s not keeping yourself in that spin cycle. I think 99% of the women who come to me, either in their introductory session or signing up for a coaching package or in a workshop or whatever, what they say is, I’m stuck. And it’s like, of course you’re stuck. Said without blame and judgment, because you’re keeping yourself there. Lora Cheadle [00:12:47]: And you’re keeping yourself there because that’s what this whole recovery industry tells you you need to do. It tells you you need to do. Do it. Do what? If instead of doing. You just got to be. Sit with that for a second. What would it be like to feel like yourself again? And here’s one of the keys. It’s feeling like yourself again. Lora Cheadle [00:13:21]: Now is feeling like yourself again after this experience. There’s so much richness in my book. One of the exercises is called Evolving Avatars, and it’s about the evolution of being who you were before this experience and who you are after this experience. Obviously, you’re a different person. So when we talk about, I want to feel like myself again, I want to be normal again, I want to find joy again, I want all of these things. You can’t go back to who you were before because you’re different now. And yet at the same time, different is not wounded. It’s how do you heal that wound and integrate who you are? How do you heal that wound and integrate who you are now to go back to the positive pieces of who you are? But you strip away the lies, you strip away the pain, you strip away the confusion. Lora Cheadle [00:14:50]: You now know what was really going on in the past. And when you were that old person, you didn’t know what was really going on. I wasn’t aware for 15 years. I didn’t know what my husband was doing. I don’t want to go back to feeling like I felt because there were so much lies around that. I want to go back to my powerful parts and using the wisdom that I have gleaned for them from this experience, I want to evolve into a better, more rich, more whole person. I want to release the shame. I want to release the embarrassment. Lora Cheadle [00:15:36]: I want to release the pain. I want to remove all of the things that no longer fit. I want to take off those masks that I put on throughout our marriage, throughout our life, I put on the mask of a good wife. When we first got married, I almost desperately wanted to be this amazing wife. I wanted to have this incredible relationship. Our wedding song was Sade’s no Ordinary Love. And I wanted our love story to be so tremendous. I wanted that no ordinary love. Lora Cheadle [00:16:18]: I truly thought we had something special. That was a mask that I put on in service of having this exquisite love. Here is the mask that I will wear. Here’s the costume that I will wear. As a lawyer, as a mom, I wanted to be a really good mom. I wanted to be a really smart lawyer. I wanted to create justice in the world. I wanted to fight for good. Lora Cheadle [00:16:52]: Like I. That was my role. My role was to be this defender of justice. My role was to be this advocate for my children. My role was to be this role model and to create this home filled with love. And it was like, by God, I’m going to create this home filled with love. I’m going to do everything. I’m going to give my children every experience that I possibly can. Lora Cheadle [00:17:21]: And it’s like I leaned into performing these roles. I put on the mask. I put on the happy face. I did what I was supposed to do. And yes, I did it out of love. I did it out of desire. I did it for, like, all of the right reasons, but it was constant doing. There wasn’t a lot of experiencing the joy of being loved, experiencing the joy of a deep, cohesive partnership, experiencing the joy of being a mom. Lora Cheadle [00:18:11]: And Witnessing my kids having these experiences that I was creating for them. This is what I’m talking about. It’s that leaning in and we’re going to make this work. That can do attitude. It’s so toxic. So what I’m going to invite you into today is to thinking, think about some of those times where you have worn the mask, where you’ve been the confident one, where you’ve been, I am the capable one. I can figure this out. All of those times when you’re like, I’m just gonna bite my tongue, I’m just gonna dig deep and to see that as a mask, to see that as a costume that you have worn. Lora Cheadle [00:19:07]: I am wearing the costume of the capable one. I’m wearing the mask of the positive one. But also I’m wearing the mask of the broken one. I’m wearing the mask, the costume, the cloak of the victim. Think about those times in your life, including now, where you’re wearing a costume, where you’re wearing a mask. Are you willing to take off that mask, to take off that costume just for a minute, just to see what happens? What if we have all done enough fixing, analyzing and trying to be okay? What if what we really need is a sacred homecoming back to who we are, to not just to who we were, but to that evolution, to that evolved, newer identity. That’s what we are going to do right here. One of the things that makes healing so difficult when we talk about this evolving avatar thing and going back to who you were and becoming something new is we don’t know what that’s like. Lora Cheadle [00:20:37]: Because most of us have never been healthy, happy, whole, healed, ever. We have been performing, we have played roles, we have done all of these things and we don’t even know what that means. So when you don’t know what that means, there’s stress, there’s trepidation into leaning into that next thing because what if I do it wrong? There’s all of these things that we don’t know how to do. So we feel this enormous stress, like, oh my God, I’m gonna get it wrong. And it’s get in it and it shuts us down. We are not performing open heart surgery. We are not standing up in court and trying to defend something and risking going to jail. We are just learning how to be. Lora Cheadle [00:21:26]: But our level of anxiety is really, really high, especially for overachievers. Because we want to do things right and because we’re not used to making mistakes and because if you’re anything like me, you have spent your Whole lifetime learning and studying and growing and trying not to screw it up. So to say, now I’m going to go be who I am, and I’m going to let go of all of this learning and I’m just going to throw myself in the deep end and be who I am. What does that even mean? And that is totally threatening. And I’m afraid. Afraid. The way to do this is by toning down that level of fear. How do you tone down that level of fear? Lora, I am so glad you asked. Lora Cheadle [00:22:17]: You do it by leaning into something that is playful, is fun, and that has very low stakes. That’s why in a lot of the work that I do, I bring in the concept of burlesque. Burlesque is a performance art. It is not serious. It is not reality. It is not. It does not matter. It’s not going to impact your life if you mess something up because it’s performance, it’s art. Lora Cheadle [00:22:51]: And you might be saying, okay, I get that, Lora, but we’re talking about not performing anymore, and you’re now telling me I’m going to perform so I can learn how to not perform. And I’m going to say, yes, you’ve got it. Exactly. That is exactly it. We are going to perform non performance. We are going to perform vulnerability. We are going to perform being healed. And you might be saying, I so don’t get it. Lora Cheadle [00:23:23]: And I’ll say, that’s okay. You will. When we perform being healed, when we perform all of these things, it lowers the stakes. We’re not getting it wrong. We’re creating a piece of art. You can’t screw up art. Art is subjective. You’re performing it. Lora Cheadle [00:23:47]: It’s not you. There’s that layer of protection. You are not screwing it up. You are just performing it. When I do this in workshops, what we’re doing now is the first step of this, is creating an alter ego who does the work for us. We create an alter ego who can now be and do and feel, but it’s not really us. It’s only our alter ego. So if she messes it up, if she does it wrong, we are emotionally safe because we have our little armored up self over here. Lora Cheadle [00:24:35]: And that’s not the person, that’s not the part of us that is doing the work. It’s brilliant because what it allows you to do is to dip your toe in the water of what is it like to be healed? What is it like to be whole? What is it like to be whatever it is? And then when we know what it’s like, we can start becoming that because this is all done in service of being. So if you have got my book flaunt, go grab it. If not, go to Barnes and Noble, go to Amazon. New World Library is the publisher. You can find it on their website. Literally anywhere books are sold. Grab the book, go to page 143. Lora Cheadle [00:25:28]: Finding your burlesque name. The first step in burlesquing your world is to find yourself a burlesque name. And that’s what we are going to do. I want you to think of a name that embodies the woman that you want to be. Do you want to be powerful, embodied? Do you want to be present and peaceful? Do you want to be joyful? How do you want to be? And what are some names that trigger that in you? My burlesque name is Chakra Tease and Chakra is the sexy Flexi goddess of Zen. She is confident in who she is. She is connected to her energy. She is flexible both mentally and spiritually and emotionally and physically. Lora Cheadle [00:26:43]: She is a goddess. She serves herself and others. She is the goddess of Zen. She creates a Zen like atmosphere within and without. She is flirty, she is fun. She is deeply present with herself. And because she is the sexy Flexi goddess of Zen, she can handle anything with playfulness and presence. Now is that who Lora is? No. Lora Cheadle [00:27:26]: Lora can be a hot mess. Lora can be neurotic. Lora can be afraid. Lora can self sabotage. Lora can do all of these things that Chakra can handle. Where Lora falls apart, Chakra can step in. So who is your burlesque alter ego and what is she capable of? Who is your burlesque alter ego? What is she capable of? Now this is deep work. We start this process day one in my retreats. Lora Cheadle [00:28:10]: We start this process early on in coaching and then you have like a month to figure it out. Some of some of the names come right away, but most often it takes time. Foreign I’m going to share a couple different names. Sunny Bronze is one of the names that has come up. Bronze because she, she loves laying out in the sun, she loves being in the beach. Sunny because that’s her sunny personality. Gypsy Soul because she wants that gypsy lifestyle. She wants the connection to her soul. Lora Cheadle [00:28:57]: Cloud Mama because she loves watching the clouds and creating and being like this. Mother Earth connection with Gaia and all of these things that are present. What are some of the words that give you power? What do you draw on when you need to do hard things? What I’d like you to do Is to make a list about five attributes that you want to embody. Is it peace, joy, awareness? Make a list of those five attributes. Who are you at your most healed, healthy, old self? Who do you aspire to be? Do you aspire to be free? Who do you aspire to be? Now, I also want you to think about, who do you want to emulate? Who are the people who you feel really good in their presence? You always make me feel so clear. Who are those people who do that for you? Is there an artist, a singer, a dancer, a musician, an actor? Is there somebody who you are? Like, if I could just be like Oprah. If I could just be like Michelle Obama, oh, my God, Taylor Swift, she does it for me. Like, who are those people that you admire? Who are those brave people for you? Maybe you want to bring in their name or brave. Lora Cheadle [00:31:18]: If you want bravery, maybe your name can be somebody brave. Maybe it can be braverly. Phoenix is the last name a lot of the people have come up with because they want to rise like the Phoenix. So coming up with your name is the first step. And then the second step in this activity is whenever you are tasked with doing something that would make you uncomfortable, you’re not the one who does it. Your alter ego does it. Lora doesn’t do hard things. Chakra does. Lora Cheadle [00:31:57]: Lora doesn’t show up in these conversations that are difficult and stressful. Chakra does. I channel my inner chakra. She is a part of me. Because these are qualities that I want. These are qualities that I admire. Things that we admire are qualities that are in us that just haven’t been fully developed yet. I am not, not her. Lora Cheadle [00:32:24]: I am not pretending to be somebody else. I am pretending to be more deeply myself. Note that. Well, I am not pretending to be somebody else. I am pretending to be more deeply myself. All of those things that you admire, those traits, those qualities, those attributes, they’re all in you. How do we nurture them and bring them out? We nurture them and bring them out by creating an identity, an alter ego that embodies all of that wisdom, all of that goodness. And then we live as if we are that person. Lora Cheadle [00:33:07]: We talk about our inner child. We talk about our adaptive child. We talk about, like, our shadow and all of these negative parts of ourselves. The work that I do is about, yes, we’re acknowledging those. We’re integrating those shadows. But our main focus is on our higher self. Our main focus is on becoming our higher self, integrating our higher self and living from our higher self. That’s what changes us. Lora Cheadle [00:33:46]: That’s what allows us to stop fixing and to start being. That’s what allows us to drop the mask, drop the rule, drop the I’ve got to heal, I’ve got to figure it out and to live. So once you create that entity, that alter ego, that version of self that is your highest self, then it’s about living from her perspective, from her wisdom. More and more it’s. It’s so simple really, but it’s also so hard because we’re so used to living in that default mode. I love Dr. Joe Dispenza in his book Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself. I have not read, but I love that title because that’s what it’s about. Lora Cheadle [00:34:46]: It’s breaking the habit of being yourself. It’s breaking the habit of being broken. It’s breaking the habit of being wounded. It’s breaking the habit of being a victim. It’s breaking the habit of being perfect, of being a performer. It’s breaking all of those habits in service of being who you are. I want to embody chakra. I want to be chakra. Lora Cheadle [00:35:15]: I want to live as the sexy Flexi, goddess of Zen. And I can and I will. It just takes time and presence and effort sometimes. And that’s okay. And it’s not that I’m not doing the work of healing, I’m doing the work. But it’s work in a whole different way. It’s an embodied living. It is that presence. Lora Cheadle [00:35:53]: It is your path back home to feeling good again. It is your path back home to feeling good again. Identify how you want to be. Your most authentic state. Who were you before the world told you who to be? How do you want to be now with all of this wisdom, with all of this joy, how you become that is through this prop flaunt process. Here’s the thing. It’s not about fixing, it’s about creating. It’s not about fixing. Lora Cheadle [00:36:48]: It’s about creating. When we lean into the energy of fixing, it’s about fixing problems. In order to fix the problem, you have to find the problem to fix. You know what I mean? Like, you can’t fix something if you don’t have a problem. And as high achieving women, we are fixers. We fix things in our relationships, we fix things for our families, we fix things at home. We are fixers. So in order to fix, we have to have a problem to fix. Lora Cheadle [00:37:16]: And then our brain is like, yep, I can do that. I can fix it. I can fix it, I can fix it. But. But what if it wasn’t about fixing. What if it was about creating? Yeah, what if it was about creating something new, not fixing the old? And it’s such a mindset shift, but it’s also the thing that will set you free. And I. I hang my hat on that. Lora Cheadle [00:37:47]: It is the thing that will set you free. Not that there’s no value in therapy or things like that. Of course there’s value, but it usually doesn’t set you free. It usually keeps you trapped. Which way are you facing? What I like to say is when you’re working with a therapist, a coach, a counselor, whatever. Yes. You want to turn and look at the past and you want to unpack and you want to figure some things out, but you don’t want to be left facing backwards. You want to be left facing the future. Lora Cheadle [00:38:24]: And what are you going to create? It’s about focusing on what we want to focus on. I want to feel like myself. How does myself feel? You know, how. How often do you ask yourself that question when you say, I want things to go back? Go back to what? You know, I want to feel like myself. What does that even mean? Let’s get into defining those things. I want to feel empowered. I want to feel free. I want to feel joyful. Lora Cheadle [00:38:54]: I want to feel. What is it that you want to feel? And your burlesque alter ego name is a name that reminds you of how you want to feel. I am Chakra ts, the sexy Flexi, Goddess of Zen. That reminds me of how I want to feel. How does she do it? She does it. I don’t. So when I am faced with a difficult conversation, when I’m tasked with something, when whatever it that’s happening is happening and I don’t know what to do, I rely on her. I call her forth from deep inside my psyche. Lora Cheadle [00:39:31]: I bring her forward and I let her do all of the things that I don’t know how to do because I’ve never done them before. You know, the. The bracelets, the saying, what would Jesus do? What would your highest self do? What would she do? And it’s about calling that up and then doing that thing. And it’s a. Yes, it’s performance in a sense. You know, I talk about, we gotta strip out of the labels, roll strip scripts. We’ve gotta release the mask. But sometimes in order to release the mask, you need to put on the mask of how you want to be, and you need to pretend first. Lora Cheadle [00:40:15]: It’s one part faking it until you make it, but it’s also another part giving Yourself permission, because who and how you want to be is inside of you. It’s just that you hold back. We all hold back. And there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s just that it’s. It’s you recognizing this is where I’m holding back. I have been doing a really amazing yogaesque series on Zoom. If you want to be a part of it, I can give you the link. Lora Cheadle [00:40:49]: You get a free class. But after the yoga, lusque, and it is a somatic processing class. It’s a combination of, like, Kundalini yoga and burlesque. And it’s doing just what we’re talking about here. After the class, we have time to decompress and talk about it together. And what somebody always says is, I held back. I was really enjoying it, but I held back. I don’t know why I was holding back, but I was just holding back. Lora Cheadle [00:41:17]: I was afraid I was being judged. I was afraid I was doing it wrong. I was afraid, I don’t know, that I’d fall apart. And that’s. That’s how we live life. We hold back. We don’t go all in, letting the full force of our personality or desires or expectations out there. We all want to play it safe. Lora Cheadle [00:41:38]: And when you have a burlesque alter ego, you don’t have to play it safe anymore. Because in a way, it’s not you, it’s her. So if somebody rejects chakra, Lora is still protected. If chakra goes all in and it doesn’t work out, Lora is still protected. And what happens is, because yes, there’s success and there’s failure. It goes both ways. But what happens is so often you start building on those successes. You start realizing, oh, I didn’t go all in, but I. Lora Cheadle [00:42:11]: I did 10% more than I did yesterday, and then I did 10% more tomorrow. And then I did this, that, and the other thing. And then suddenly you are living at a higher level. You are living a life where you are playing full out more often. You are saying the things, you are doing the things you were asking for the things. And you elevate time, day at a time, and then it becomes you. You’re not taking a huge step that you can’t sustain because it’s so threatening and it’s so terrifying. You are doing things step at a time, piece at a time, and it feels safe and it feels secure, and it’s okay. Lora Cheadle [00:43:00]: It’s okay. Think about the things that you have wanted to ask your partner, that you’ve wanted to say to somebody. Else that you have wanted to give yourself permission to do, give your alter ego permission to do that. How does that feel? Because it changes the way you show up. And that’s. That’s the gift of infidelity. That’s the gift of betrayal. That’s the catalyst, is it sends you into that new level of betrayal. Lora Cheadle [00:43:34]: Being. Not necessarily healing and growing and processing, but being. You can suddenly be different, and you can experience life different because you’re taking different risks. You are getting different benefits. So that is the power of finding your burlesque alter ego and then that next step of performing as her, of living life as her, builds that confidence, builds that muscle. So pretty soon, you have embodied her, and she is you. And the lines between you are blurrier and softer, and she is a more prominent part of your personality. So we all have different parts. Lora Cheadle [00:44:31]: We have the part of us that is competent. We have the part of us that is insecure. We have the part of us. It’s. This is the intentional cultivation of the parts that you want to lead, of the parts that you want to show. And as you cultivate more consciously, more clearly, you are stripping away those habits. You know, I was talking about Dr. Joe and breaking the habit of being yourself. Lora Cheadle [00:44:59]: You are breaking the habit of being yourself. You are stripping out of those masks, those costumes, those labels, those roles, those scripts, and you no longer have to perform them because been there, done that. I don’t need that anymore. Been there, done that. I have performed that. I don’t need it anymore. So instead of feeling like myself again and you go back to who you were right before D day. Oh, no, no, no, no. Lora Cheadle [00:45:27]: This is feeling like yourself again. This is being who you were before you got hurt, before you were judged, before you had a mean girl enter your life in middle school and do something bad. This is before your very first boyfriend broke your heart. This is before somebody that you love died or somebody got cancer or you were fired. This is going back. This is myself again at the deepest level of self. Not wounded self, not sheltered self, not protected self. Not performing a role self. Lora Cheadle [00:46:07]: Not the self of me that is this great wife and mom. Not the self of me that is a competent attorney, but. But myself as my soul. And, oh, my goodness, it is so delicious, and it is so freeing, and it is so powerful. So when you think about masks, because I’m saying it is performance in a way, you are performing yourself as healed. You are performing yourself as authentic and whole and complete. And that’s what drives me crazy about the self Help and the healing from betrayal and healing from anything. Industry is. Lora Cheadle [00:46:55]: There is so much focus on the identity of being broken. There is so much focus on the identity of all the bad things that have happened. This is about shifting. Let’s focus on the identity of you as whole. That right there is the epitome of coaching. And sometimes people have said, I don’t really understand the difference between coaching and counseling. A lot of it goes back to the assumptions. In a therapeutic relationship, it is assumed that you are broken in a way that the therapist is there to diagnose, and you’re supposed to get healthy. Lora Cheadle [00:47:37]: And, yeah, sometimes that’s very helpful. The coaching perspective is you are healthy, whole and complete. You are healthy, whole and complete. I, as your coach, hold that vision of you as healthy, whole and complete. And then I will help you embody and live that version, because that version of you is inside of you. There’s nothing to diagnose. There’s nothing to treat. What I’m doing is reminding you of who you really are. Lora Cheadle [00:48:06]: What I’m doing is helping you stay grounded and connected with that version of yourself so you can start living from that version and speaking and being in that version. Now, like I said, there is some performance, there is some pretending at the beginning until it becomes you. And that’s what I’m doing in my monthly yoga lusque classes. And again, you get a free class. No risk. Just hop on, hop on, hop on. Get. Take your free class. Lora Cheadle [00:48:42]: But what we do is we move as that fully embodied version of ourself we perform. We feel what it feels like to stand up. It’s like the superwoman pose. You know, when you stand in the superwoman pose, when your arms are wide and your hands are on your hip and you embody confidence, you feel more confident, confident, and you become more confident. But this takes it to a whole other level. This is, how do I feel? Healthy, whole, complete? How do I feel healed? How do I feel authentic? How do I dance and move and breathe as my alter ego, who is not another mask, but who is me stripped down? Who is me stripped down from all of that judgment, from all of that expectation? And you get a whole two hours with me to move, to dance, to somatically release, to lay on the floor if you want to, to strut around your living room if you want to, but to move as that version of you. And that’s where I want to bring this show to a close. Because this. Lora Cheadle [00:49:57]: This is a lot, and this is some deep work, and I don’t want to overwhelm you. But what I want you to think about is who would you be if you had never been hurt? Who would you be if you had never been hurt or harmed or judged? What would it be like to have everything that you have done be accepted? What would it be like to never, ever, ever, ever, ever feel judgment from another person? To know that you are unconditionally accepted for who you are, that you can try, that you can fail, that you can do all of these amazing things and that you’re still loved, you’re still accepted. What would it make you do more of? What would it make you do more of? Would you take more risks? It’s that whole classic what would you do if you knew you couldn’t fail? What would you do if you knew you couldn’t fail? And I don’t care if that means getting a divorce or staying together or like it doesn’t matter what it means. If you could not fail, what would you do? Because I look at my life and there’s a lot of things that I would do differently if I knew I couldn’t fail, if I knew that it would turn out. If I could release those what ifs, what if I die alone? What if I never find somebody? What if he does this? What if she does this? What if I run out of money? What if I, like, think about all of those what ifs. What if you couldn’t fail? What if it all turned out? Your burlesque alter ego is that person has that kind of confidence. Chakra Te is always liked and loved. She has money, she has time, she has resources, she has connection. Lora Cheadle [00:52:20]: Nobody judges her or hurts her. She is not disappointed in that way. Do things always turn out no. And she’s okay with that. Between now and the next time I see you, I really want you to figure out, at least get a start on your burlesque name. I want you to figure out those attributes, those qualities. I want you to spend some time figuring out who you would be if you had never been judged or hurt and how you would show up. And I want you to practice on a daily basis, even if it is just walking from the bedroom to the bathroom, from the shower to the closet. Lora Cheadle [00:53:12]: I want you to move as if that were you. Move as if that were you. How would you wake up? How would you shower? How would you make your way to the kitchen? What would you say? What would your face, your countenance be like? I want you to spend just a little bit of time every day being that alter ego Putting her first, calling her forth in situations and being curious how she would react, how she would respond, what she would say, say. You can start with some low stake situations. You can start going to the grocery store and having an interaction with somebody but then start bringing her in more and more often and see what she does and see how she responds. Pick up a copy of my book. You can literally get it anywhere books are sold. Start reading. Lora Cheadle [00:54:23]: You have between now and December 1st. Even if you’re not done on December 1st, show up anyway, you’re still going to get a lot out of it. December 1st it’s going to be Noon Mountain which is 11 Pacific, 12 Mountain 1 Central, 2 Eastern. Show up on Zoom for my free flaunt. Drop your cover and reveal your smart, sexy and spiritual self. Book club and workshop where we’re going to take this work a little bit deeper. If you want to embody it and do some of the movement and the somatic practices around it, you get a free yoga less class that’s two hours the second Sunday of every month from 8 to 10 Pacific, 9 to 11 Mountain, 12 to 2 Central and 1 to 3 Eastern. Book club is free yoga. Lora Cheadle [00:55:26]: L esque Somatic movement is free. The only thing that might be getting in your way is fear. The only thing that might be getting in your way is fear. Oh my God. If I show up, what will people think? I don’t want to be seen this way. I am so embarrassed. I am so ashamed. I don’t want to be with people like that. Lora Cheadle [00:55:50]: What if I do it wrong? Notice those voices in your head. Is that you? Are you really that person? Because it’s my guess that no, that’s not really you. Those are the voices of fear that are in your head. Those are the voices that we need to strip out of that you need to release. Take the risk, take the chance and ask yourself, what would my alter ego do? What would Chakra team do? She would show the frick up and she would be present and she would play full out and she would take every last bit of joy out of that. What about you? What would your alter ego ego do? What would your authentic self do? My challenge to you is to do that thing December 1st at book club or the second Sunday of the month at Yogalesque. Reach out let me know if you have any questions, comments. Grab a copy of the book. Lora Cheadle [00:57:05]: We are doing this together. Have an amazing week and as usual, always remember to flaunt exactly who you are because who you are is always more than enough.