“Potency is standing in the fire and choosing not to burn yourself.”
What do a travel nightmare, a betrayal, and a broken plan all have in common? They each offer you a choice—not just in how you respond, but in who you choose to be. In this raw and real episode, Lora shares the story of a 24-hour travel meltdown and the powerful metaphor it became for life after infidelity.
Discover how to navigate the 3 P’s:
- Pissed (when you spiral in blame and frustration)
- Passive (when you check out or freeze)
- Potent (when you own your power and act in alignment with who you really are)
Because healing isn’t about pretending everything is fine. It’s about staying present, breathing through the fire—and choosing not to burn everything down.
Whether you’re deep in betrayal recovery, coping with change, or just having a rough day, this episode will remind you: You are more powerful than your circumstances. Book Your Introductory Session Here: https://calendly.com/loras-schedule/first-time-session
Top Three Takeaways:
- Your Identity Is Always a Choice
You don’t choose betrayal—but you do choose who you’ll be on the other side of it. - Don’t Become the Emotion
Feel your frustration, anger, or sadness—but don’t become it. You are more than your feelings. - Potency = Aligned Presence
Real power isn’t about control—it’s about staying grounded, acting with intention, and living in integrity even when life is a mess.
LOVE THE SHOW? TAKE THE NEXT STEP
Don’t just listen—start healing.
Download your FREE Betrayal Recovery Tool Kit and take back your power with clarity, confidence, and support that meets you where you are.
✅ Calm the chaos
✅ Rebuild self-trust
✅ Stop the spiral of second-guessing
✅ Reclaim your worth and your future
About Lora
Lora Cheadle is a betrayal recovery coach, attorney, and TEDx speaker who helps women heal from betrayal on an energetic, emotional, and ancestral level—while also providing legal guidance to help them navigate the practical complexities of infidelity and relationship transitions. She empowers women to rise from the ashes, reclaim their identity and self-worth, break free from repeating patterns, and step into their power with confidence, clarity, and grace.
After being shattered by her husband’s fifteen years of infidelity, Lora knows firsthand what it takes to transform devastation into an invitation for healing, freedom, and joy. Her unique approach blends deep emotional healing with tangible legal and life strategies, guiding women beyond betrayal into lives of unapologetic confidence and purpose.
As the founder of Life Choreography Coaching & Advocacy, Lora provides comprehensive legal, emotional, intellectual, and spiritual support on demand. She believes that infidelity doesn’t have to be the end of the dream you poured your heart and soul into—it can be the beginning of a life filled with sovereignty, connection, and joy.
Licensed to practice law in California and Colorado, Lora is also a trauma-aware coach, clinical hypnotherapist, somatic attachment therapist, and advanced integrated energy practitioner. She is certified in yoga, mindfulness, group fitness, and personal training, bringing a holistic perspective to healing.
She is the author of FLAUNT! Drop Your Cover and Reveal Your Smart, Sexy, & Spiritual Self (an International Book Awards Finalist and Tattered Cover Bestseller) and It’s Not Burnout, It’s Betrayal: 5 Tools to FUEL UP & Thrive. She also hosts the podcast FLAUNT! Create a Life You Love After Infidelity and Betrayal.
Based in Colorado, Lora is an adventure-seeker who loves travel, a great book, and saying yes to life’s magic.
Let’s connect! Share your thoughts or questions from this episode with Lora at loracheadle.com. New episodes every week.
Subscribe, like, share, and join Lora Cheadle on your journey to reclaim your sparkle and create a life you love.
Special Offers from Our Sponsors!
Thank you to BetterHelp for sponsoring this podcast! Take charge of your mental health and get 10% off your first month of therapy at https://BetterHelp.com/FLAUNT
Are you ready to Rise, Reclaim, and Reign as the Queen of Your Life? Infidelity may have shaken your world, but it does not define you. You are powerful. You are worthy. And you are more than capable of creating a future filled with confidence, clarity, and joy.
I’m here to walk beside you, giving you the perspective, permission, and proven tools to transform betrayal into your greatest awakening. Whether through one-on-one coaching or my on-demand Affair Recovery Programs, you’ll gain the guidance and support to untangle yourself from the past, reclaim your power, and step boldly into your next chapter.
Your transformation starts now! Learn more at www.AffairRecoveryForWomen.com and visit www.LoraCheadle.com for even more resources and inspiration.
READY TO START A BETTER CHAPTER? Step into the future you’ve always dreamed of with the power of transformative rituals with the Mindful Subscription Box. Get a monthly box full of crystals, aromatherapy, and other spiritual tools worth $120. You deserve high-quality gems, crystals, oils, and mindfulness tools for self-care that truly work. It’s a monthly dose of self-love delivered right to your door! Go to www.Mindfulsouls.com and use Discount Code LORA30 for 30% off your order!
Books By Lora
- International Book Award, Finalist Motivational Self-Help, 2021
- Tattered Cover Bestseller, 2019
Have you spent your life playing by the rules, only to realize those rules weren’t made for you? What if you could break free—from expectations, from betrayal, from the roles you were taught to play—and reclaim your true self?
FLAUNT! is your guide to stripping away societal conditioning, healing from the heartbreak of betrayal, and rediscovering the fierce, confident woman you were born to be. With humor, wisdom, and powerful, actionable steps, Lora Cheadle empowers you to rise above the narratives that have confined you and boldly choreograph a life that is smart, sexy, spiritual, and uniquely your own.
It’s time to stop living for others and start living for you.
Buy Now on Amazon, or wherever books are sold.
It’s Not Burnout, It’s Betrayal: 5 Tools to FUEL UP & Thrive
Burnout isn’t just exhaustion—it’s a betrayal of your time, energy, and trust. This essential guide redefines burnout, exposing its hidden roots and equipping individuals, teams, and leaders with five powerful tools to reclaim their passion, purpose, and well-being.
If you’re ready to break free from burnout and step into a life of clarity, confidence, and fulfillment, this book is your roadmap.
Available now on Amazon. Download your free guide, BURNOUT UNCOVERED: Fostering Candid Conversations for Teams at www.ItsNotBurnoutItsBetrayal.com.
Transcript
Lora Cheadle [00:00:01]:
You’re listening to Flaunt. Find your sparkle and create a life you love after Infidelity or Betrayal. A podcast for women who’ve been betrayed by their intimate partner and want to turn their devastation into an invitation to reclaim themselves and their worth. Tune in weekly so you can start making sense of it all and learn how to be okay on the inside no matter what goes on on the outside. Download your free Betrayal Recovery toolkit@betrayalrecoveryguide.
Speaker B [00:00:35]:
This podcast is sponsored by Better Help. Have you been struggling lately? Relationship issues impact every area of your life. When I found out about my husband’s infidelity, I was so devastated I could barely function. Sleeping was impossible because I couldn’t shut off my brain. Eating was a challenge because I felt nauseous all the time and for the first month or so, everything felt pointless. Whether you’re having trouble sleeping, feeling hopeless, or just can’t focus, BetterHelp is here to help you. BetterHelp offers licensed therapists who are trained to listen and help. You can talk to your therapist in a private online environment at your convenience.
Speaker B [00:01:17]:
There’s a broad range of expertise in BetterHelp’s 20,000 therapist network that gives you access to help that might not be available in your area. Just fill out a questionnaire to help assess your specific needs and then you’ll be matched with a therapist in under 24 hours. Then you can schedule secure video and phone sessions, plus you can exchange unlimited messages. And everything you share is completely confidential. I know that confidentiality was important for me, especially early on when I couldn’t even get my own mind wrapped around what was happening. And it was so comforting to be able to speak with someone candidly about everything I was going through to validate that what I was feeling and experiencing was completely normal. You can request a new therapist at no additional charge anytime. Join the 2 million plus people who have taken charge of their mental health with an experienced Better Help Therapist Special offer to flaunt Create a life you love after Infidelity and Betrayal listeners, you get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com flaunt that’s betterhelp h e l p.com flaunt f l a u n t thanks again to BetterHelp for sponsoring this podcast.
Speaker B [00:02:50]:
You don’t get to choose what happens to you, but you do get to choose who you will be when you respond, who you will be in response to things happening to you that you didn’t plan, you didn’t control, and you are not a part of and my question leading into the show is will you be pissed off and spiral out? Will you be passive and give up all of your power or will you be potent? Will you be fueled by presence aligned action and the sacred clarity of self? Whether it’s a betrayal or an infidelity that has shattered your world that you’re struggling with or just something like a travel day from hell that I just had. Your power lies in one place. Your power lies in the way that you respond. And no matter what happens, you have the freedom to choose your response. Because freedom is not about smiling through the pain. It’s not. It’s about staying in choice even when things suck. Especially when things suck and especially when there’s really no good option.
Speaker B [00:04:22]:
Because again, it’s not about living in joy every single moment. It’s not about false positivity. It’s about taking what is and not just making the best of it, although there is some wisdom just making the best of it. But to staying present and aware in your power of choice and being aware. I’m choosing to be passive and give up my power or I’m choosing to be pissed off and angry or I am choosing to remain present and potent because that is the real meaning of freedom. Freedom is not escape. Freedom is not making things easy. Freedom.
Speaker B [00:05:09]:
Freedom is about being present in choice and it’s about being how you want to be and showing up how you want to show up. I’m going to give you a quick teaser of my travel day disaster where for a quick three and a half hour flight, it ended up taking me over 24 hours. I left my house at two in the afternoon on Tuesday and I didn’t get to my destination until, what was it, 5am the very next day. So yeah, it was a lot. And what I noticed on that journey from all of the other frustrated travelers is there are people who act out their frustration. Were they frustrated? Yes. Was I frustrated? Yes. But there’s a difference between, yeah, I’m feeling frustration and acting frustrated.
Speaker B [00:06:09]:
There’s the difference between being pissed off and then acting it. And there’s also a difference between being passive and accepting like what’s going on from that place of, yeah, whatever. And getting into that place of toxic passivity where, oh, I can’t control any of it, there’s nothing for me to do. And how we can and should always remember to stay potent, to stay present and to stay committed to the power of choosing. Okay, let me tell you the story of what happened to me because it was not fun. It Started off with a really long shuttle ride from the parking lot to the airport. A shuttle ride that is usually usually 15 to 20 minutes, turning into more like 35, 40, no big deal. Great.
Speaker B [00:07:09]:
Through security. And then our flight kept getting delayed and delayed and delayed and delayed because the flight that we were supposed to hop on was coming from D.C. and there were thunderstorms in D.C. so that flight couldn’t take off. Well, if it can’t take off, it can’t get to us. And if it can’t get to us, we can’t take off. So several hours of delays. Finally, when we actually got a plane here, guess what? Our flight crew timed out.
Speaker B [00:07:40]:
Once we got a new flight crew, guess what happened? Yes, the pilots timed out. So then we had to wait an additional 90 minutes to get pilots. And yes, we were sitting on the plane in the tarmac waiting to take off for about 90 minutes. And that was not fun. After a several hour delay in the airport, which was also not fun. And then when we landed in Virginia from Colorado the next day, we got there at four in the morning and guess what? You got it. The rental car company was closed until 6 in the morning, so we couldn’t pick up our car for two more hours. @ which point, in case you were wondering, I was like, forget renting a car.
Speaker B [00:08:28]:
And we hopped in an Uber and drove an hour to our destination, slept two hours and then got up, slept two hours on a blow up mattress, mind you, and then got up and faced a full day of moving, which was absolutely not the most fun thing that I have ever done. But that’s not my point. My point is when we were having our little travel odyssey, it was really fun to watch the way people responded. It was really interesting. We were all frustrated. We all wanted to get on the flight, we all had places to be, right? This was not how we planned. The travel delays, had nothing to do with us personally. The travel delays had to do with weather in D.C.
Speaker B [00:09:20]:
we all had important places to go and yes, we all expected to get there. But we also should have known somewhere deep in our little psyche that airline travel is not always completely reliable. Right? So with that as the backdrop, it was really interesting to watch how some passengers, some fellow passengers were negative, were grouchy, we’re slamming things around, we’re making snide comments, we’re up talking to, you know, the people at the desk and asking rude questions and riling other passengers up and saying, you know, out loud, I have to get there in the morning, I have to be There, I didn’t plan for this. And were externalizing their frustration. Instead of just externalizing frustration they were embodying, they were becoming frustrated. And the more frustrated they became, the more frustrated those around them became, the more pissed off they were, the more pissed off they became. And then the more pissed off people around them became as well. And it was interesting to watch that spiral.
Speaker B [00:10:39]:
And then on the complete flip side of that, it was interesting to watch the passive people, the people who just, whatever, they just rolled with the punches. I know they weren’t happy either. Nobody is happy for several hour travel delays, especially when you get in it for the next day, because nobody loves sleeping on a plane. But it was interesting to see how some people just responded by reading, hanging out, getting something to eat, chilling. Some people just completely let themselves go. They let themselves relax into the situation. And while you might be thinking, well, that seems like a good thing, Lora, isn’t that good just to let go and relax? Here’s the point that I wanted to make with that. Yeah, it can be.
Speaker B [00:11:33]:
It really can be. Because there was really not much they could do because it wasn’t about them and because they can’t control the weather or the airline schedule. But what I really wanted to comment on was I needed to be there in the morning as well, and I was trying to be relaxed. I was frustrated, too, but I was also looking at my options. I was also consciously choosing to see if anything else was available. I was looking at different flight options on different airlines. I asked about different flights going out that night. I asked when the next flight was going out in the next day.
Speaker B [00:12:21]:
I wanted to consciously get some information so I could stay present and so I could make a decision and so I could be ready in the event that our flight didn’t go out because it was getting later and later and later and later. And I know when it’s late like that, it’s harder to get a crew. It’s harder to figure things out. So I was trying to get information. I was trying to stay potent. I was trying to do what I could to manage in the moment. I was trying to take care of myself, too, by getting dinner, by figuring out a great place to sit where I could log in and get some work done by keeping my laptop and phone charged. I was trying to stay potent and present and to look ahead and to manage what I could control without getting attached to all of the things that I couldn’t control.
Speaker B [00:13:18]:
So let’s talk about this in terms of betrayal, in terms of all of These other life circumstances that happen to us, and they do happen to us, and that derail our plans, derail our expectations, and leave us with that feeling of, hey, wait, this isn’t what I signed up for. No matter what it is that you’re facing, whether you are new on this betrayal recovery journey or you’re several years out, or maybe it’s something else that’s going on, maybe there’s a scary diagnosis in your family or an aging parent or something like that that you’re dealing with. I want you to stay present and I want you to think about your choices. We have emotions. It’s good to feel our emotions. If you’re angry or frustrated or sad or joyful or grieving, feel your emotions. It’s not about pretending that you don’t feel them, but how can you feel them without becoming that emotion? How can you feel your emotions without becoming your emotions? And more importantly, becoming consumed with your emotions? Because we all know emotions are transitory. We will feel different later on.
Speaker B [00:14:56]:
No, emotions are permanent. So why is it that we sometimes believe that we should be happy forever, that we should be joyful forever, and that when we’re not, something is wrong? Because what goes up must come down. What goes down must come back up again. And then why do we internalize some of the bad things that happen to us? Why do we think our partner’s infidelity was all about us? We don’t think a delayed flight is all about us. So why do we think our partner’s infidel fidelity is all about us? I can’t control the weather any more than I can control my partner’s choices. And before you push back on that too hard, I really want you to think, can you honestly control your partner’s choices? No, you cannot. You can only control yourself. And yes, we all know, like, the only thing I can control is myself.
Speaker B [00:16:12]:
But this. I want you to take it a step further. It’s controlling your choices. How can you be whatever it is, angry, upset, joyful, frustrated, pissed, tired, and not necessarily reflect that to the whole world? How can you simply feel what you’re feeling and process what you’re processing and still choose to be amazing and still choose to show up strong and still choose all of the amazing things that are important to you? Still choose to be who you want to become? Okay, we’re going to talk about the three P’s. I love these three. Pissed. Passive or potent. Let’s talk about what it’s like to be pissed.
Speaker B [00:17:15]:
Oh, I bet. You know, right? You Know what it’s like? I know you know what it’s like. It’s venting. It’s stewing, it’s blaming. It’s telling everybody around you how unfair and bad and awful and mean and everything your life is. We’ve all been pissed and we have all acted like we’re pissed. And my question to you is, when you’ve been pissed or frustrated and you have acted like it, does it help? Does it help? Because sometimes it does help to vent. It really does.
Speaker B [00:17:57]:
It’s like, I just need to get this off my chest. But does it help to keep going? Does it help to stew in it? Does it help to vent to your mom, your sister, your friend, your kids, your neighbor, your boss, your co workers? Like, at some point there are diminishing returns. Does blaming somebody help? Has blaming somebody ever helped? I mean, if you really blame somebody because it really is their fault, does that help? The thing still happened, right? Whether you’re blaming your partner or blaming the other woman or blaming yourself, does it really matter? The affair still happened, right? Unless you held a gun to your partner’s head and said, you will cheat or I will shoot you, it’s not your fault. Spoiler alert on that one. So stop blaming yourself. Does it really matter where the blame should be? Does it make you feel better to blame somebody else? Really start thinking through this. I mean, it’s valid to be mad. It’s valid to want to blame somebody.
Speaker B [00:19:22]:
But does it help or does it drain you? Because usually being pissed off is just draining. It’s exhausting and it’s not fun. And if you’re anything like me, once I start going down the negative rabbit hole, it’s not only did you do this, but you did that. And then you always do this, and then you did this. And remember the time when. And then it’s not only just you, it’s everybody else in my life when they’ve been so horrible to me and they’ve been so awful to me, and then this has been so unfair and. And it just spirals into this whole pit of negativity and doom. And then I become somebody that I’m not.
Speaker B [00:20:04]:
It’s. I’m not somebody who has just gotten stuff, something off my chest. I become a vortex of negativity. I become somebody who makes everybody else negative too. I am so stressed and negative that I make everybody in my world stressed and negative. And that doesn’t help me either, nor does it help them. So think about all the times you are pissed. Think about how you Feel, think about how you make other people feel and think about how it shifts who you are.
Speaker B [00:20:46]:
So my question to you is, are you a pissed human? Is that your biggest vision for yourself in your life? Do you want it on your tombstone to say, and here she lies, pissed off. If that’s who you are and who you want to be, then be that way. Be it. Because as we choose to be, so do we become. And this is a huge secret of life. And because I love you, because I want you to be so happy, because I want you to have a good life and I want you to feel powerful and strong and I want you to have fun. That matters to me. Your joy does matter to me.
Speaker B [00:21:35]:
Why? Because I know you’re awesome. Because I know anybody who has gone through what I have gone through and you have deserves the most amazing, happy, awesome life ever. That’s part of the reward for going through this. And also because the happier we all become on this planet, the happier we all become on this planet and the better planet we have. So, yes, I care deeply about what happens to you for many different reasons. Reasons truly. Listen to this. Because this is going to shift you.
Speaker B [00:22:19]:
This episode, this information on the 3Ps is going to shift the way that you show up. It has the power to change your entire life. If you want to be a pissed person, if that’s your identity, if you want everybody to say, oh, Lora, yep, she’s the pissed one. Yep, she’s the whatever one, then go be that. Because that’s who you are. Labels, roles, scripts are really powerful. If you want to be the happy one, if you want to be the positive one, if you want to be the angry one, if you want to be the one with a temper problem, if you want to be whatever it is, you get to choose who you get to be. Yes, we all get labeled unfairly.
Speaker B [00:23:08]:
I have had people unfairly be like, yep, you’re the critical, nasty one. And you’re like, wait, who do you think I am? Because that is not me. When somebody labels you unfairly. Yeah, self reflect. How am I embodying that in this moment? How am I embodying being nasty and critical? And, yeah, there might be some truth to that. Good feedback. Good feedback. Thank you.
Speaker B [00:23:36]:
Because that’s not who I am and that’s not who I want to be. So good feedback. Thank you. Now I can get back to being me or, wow. I have not been being negative. I have not been being critical and nasty. That might be a projection from somebody else, because that’s truly not Who I am. That’s not how I have been behaving.
Speaker B [00:24:04]:
So thank you for that feedback. It’s not valid feedback. I just don’t need to take it on. You just offered me a coat that doesn’t fit. It’s a toddler jacket. I’m not toddler size. Thank you so much. But it doesn’t fit me.
Speaker B [00:24:17]:
I tried it on to see if it worked. Nope, that’s not me. Take it off and release it. No more attachment than that. Truly, no more attachment than that. So that’s that first P. The pissed, venting, stewing, blaming, Valid, but draining. If you want to be known as the pissed one, then keep doing it.
Speaker B [00:24:39]:
If not, let’s keep talking. The second P is being passive. That is truly hands off the wheel, detaching, freezing, giving up power, whatever, mindset. Now, here’s the distinction. I want you to know on that because you might be thinking, well, whatever, and being relaxed and going with the flow. Flow is good. I want to flow. Do you want to flow? I want to flow.
Speaker B [00:25:05]:
Here’s the difference. If you truly just want to flow your whole life and you do not care what happens to you and you do not have any aspirations, then you can be that person and you can flow. Is that you? Are you complete flow? Do you have zero ambition or aspirations? Awesome. You can be that person. Are you just saying you’re that person and then you get a little Marty? After all I’ve done, I was so easygoing and everybody took advantage of me. Nobody noticed. That’s kind of the dark side of being passive. Being passive.
Speaker B [00:25:50]:
If you truly are passive and you truly don’t care, fine, embody it, embrace it. But not if you were going to then twist the knife. Why did nobody notice? Why did nobody do this? Why does nobody care? And also, really, this is your one life and you’re going to be so passive that you’re going to. You don’t even care what happens, that there’s a whole buffet of food in front of you and you don’t pick what you want. You just say, give me whatever, and then you just eat whatever. Most of us want some say in our life. Most of us say, I want a healthy salad with the baby corn and I want cheesecake and a brownie, but please do not give me any of the roast beef and I don’t feel like potatoes today. When we’re too passive, we never get what we want.
Speaker B [00:26:47]:
When we’re too passive, we don’t get what we want. This life is kind of not ours. And I don’t think. I don’t think that’s good for any of us. I think it’s good to flow. I think it’s good to release attachment, but to truly be too passive, so timid that we can’t even show up in our own lives. Oh, my gosh, that is not healthy. Now we’re going to step into that third p potent.
Speaker B [00:27:23]:
But before we do, I want to go back again. Where are you being pissed? And where are you showing up pissed? And it’s becoming your identity. Where are you being passive? And where are you showing up so passively that you are missing opportunities, that you are missing important conversations, that you are not getting all of the things that you want and that you deserve because you are too passive? Where you are afraid to rock the boat, where you feel like you’re walking on eggshells, where are you being too passive? And I want to go back to the beginning of the show. Freedom of choice. Freedom of choice. What are you choosing? Pissed, passive or potent? And now we’re going to move into potent because this is the kind of power that I like. This is the kind of power that I teach. This is the kind of power that I want all of you to have.
Speaker B [00:28:33]:
Being potent is grounded power. It is naming what is going back to my travel story. This is frustrating. This is maddening. This is not what I expected. This is killing me because I’m getting no sleep. This is frustrating. It’s about feeling it fully.
Speaker B [00:28:59]:
I’m so frustrated. I’m so angry. But then it’s about responding with aligned energy. What is my goal? Dang it. I really needed to get to Virginia. I really needed to be awake and present for us to start meeting all the service people between 7 and 8 in the morning. I really needed that. Could I have rolled with other things? Of course.
Speaker B [00:29:30]:
But that’s what I really needed to do. So what did I need to do that to get that? I needed sleep, I needed to nourish my body. I needed to stay calm. I needed to maybe take care of some other things in advance so I could get what I needed. I also needed to realize I don’t have power over the weather or the airlines. So I’m not going to expend my energy or my frustration going down the rabbit hole of how horrible it is. Whether it is the airport and a frustrating travel day or the aftermath of infidelity, it’s the same concept you are here now. Sadly, we can’t unring the cheating bell.
Speaker B [00:30:25]:
We can’t forget that it happened we can’t go back. How can you name what you are feeling? How can you feel whatever it is you’re feeling, even if it’s a panic attack, even if you’re having a trigger, a PTSD episode? How can you name that? I am having a panic attack. I am going into this total PTSD spiral here. Feel it, and then respond with some aligned energy. How can you remain in that place of having freedom to choose, freedom to show up, and freedom to be who you are instead of acting out of character and out of alignment? Why this matters so much in betrayal recovery is you didn’t get to choose. You didn’t choose the betrayal. You didn’t choose to become a betrayed partner. But let this serve as your reminder.
Speaker B [00:31:41]:
You do get to choose how to rebuild. You do get to choose if you move forward with or without your partner to a certain extent. And you also get to choose who you become on the other side of this infidelity experience. I spent a lot of time when I was Talking about the three Ps, pissed, passive and potent. I spent a lot of time talking about, are you the pissed one? Are you the passive one? If that’s your identity, you know, like I was saying, go ahead and own it if that’s who you want to be. But it’s my guess that, like me, you don’t want to be passive, you don’t want to be pissed off. You want to be strong, you want to be courageous, you want to be happy, you want to be connected. You want to be chosen and adored.
Speaker B [00:32:40]:
You want to adore and to choose and to love others. You want to be happy. And this is your permission slip to be who you want to be. Let me give you that permission right here, today, right now. If you want to be chosen and loved, be chosen and loved. If you want to be brave and powerful and forgiving, be brave and powerful and forgiving. If you want to be free and to move on, be free and move on. You get to be inside whoever you want to be.
Speaker B [00:33:41]:
And those external situations don’t even have to match. This is the life changing part of this show. Those external situations don’t have to match. And you might be saying, well, Lora, this is the trick of life. It’s choosing potency when you feel powerless. It’s choosing to be how you want to be despite not being that. I want to be powerful and free and loved and loving and successful and I want to change people’s lives and I want to feel good about the work that I do. And I want to be so connected with my family.
Speaker B [00:34:37]:
And there are so many times where I that’s not my reality. Maybe part of it is. Maybe none of it is when I’m in a fight with my husband, where my friends have ticked me off, my kids are irritating me, my mom’s driving me nuts, my dad’s frustrating me, like whatever it is, and I can name it, I’m frustrated with my kids. My husband and I are just at each other’s throat lately. We’re just driving each other nuts. There’s all this stuff going on. And I can feel the frustration that this is not how I want it to be. And I can feel the frustration of I don’t like it when my parents are irritating me or whatever it is.
Speaker B [00:35:26]:
And then I get to feel it. But then I get to choose to go back. No. I am loved. I love and I am loved. I am chosen. I am adored. I am in a connected family.
Speaker B [00:35:39]:
I am super successful. I get to go back to that identity and I get to be that. That is the freedom of choice. It’s not necessarily, do I get to choose yes or no? Do I get to choose blue or red? Do I get to choose, you know what I mean, meat or potatoes? Yes, there’s that level of choice. But the level of choice I’m talking about is that deeper level of choice. I get to choose who to as I’m choosing yes or no, red or green, meat or potatoes. I get to choose who and how I show up. I get to choose who and how I am and I get to choose how I want my reality to be around me.
Speaker B [00:36:23]:
Even when, especially when the reality around me does not feel like the way I want it to be. You didn’t choose the betrayal, but you get to choose how to rebuild. And part of that rebuilding process is choosing your identity. This is about knowing yourself and showing yourself what betrayal made me realize. As I am a happy person, I am a joyful person, I am a powerful creator and I get to be that. I get to be a happy, joy filled, powerful creator. I get to be connected and loving and I love to love. I get to be all of that.
Speaker B [00:37:17]:
And nobody can take that away from me with their actions. Whether people lie or cheat or steal or what ever, I get to still be me. I get to still be me. And do you know how potent that is? That is that flip from powerless to potent. I don’t need anybody to choose me in order to feel chosen. I don’t need anybody to love me in order to feel like I Am deeply loved by others. I don’t need somebody to love. I can still just go love.
Speaker B [00:38:03]:
I don’t need anybody in order to be who I am. And that’s freedom. That is deep freedom. What would it look like for you right now to be 100% pure potency, to be completely potent, to be exactly who you want it to be? What would that look like? What would that feel like? Think about what you want. I want to be adored. What does it feel like to be adored? How would you show up if you were adored? Being potent is showing up like that anyway. How would you show up if you had a loving, faithful partner? How would you show up if your marriage had been ideal every step of the way? How would you show up if this had never happened? Feel that. You can still show up that way.
Speaker B [00:39:36]:
You can still show up that way. I know, I know. That feels like a lot. That’s why this is such a deep episode. That’s why this has the power to truly transform your betrayal recovery journey. Not only your betrayal recovery journey, but your. Whatever. Recovery journey.
Speaker B [00:40:01]:
Whether it’s job loss, whether it’s cancer, whether it’s moving, whatever. How would you show up? Who do you want to be? And how can you show up like that? Now, I want to give you a few practical tools to cultivate this level of choice and this level of presence in the moment. But before we do that, I want you to sit with us a little bit. If you have an opportunity after the show, write down, what do I want more than anything? You know, earlier I talked about the gravestone. And if you want your gravestone to say, here lies Lora, she was pissed, or here lies Lora, she was passive, what do you want your epitaph to say? How do you want people to remember you? I was at a funeral a week. A week ago. Yeah, a week ago. I’ve got a newsletter coming out on that that you’re not going to want to miss.
Speaker B [00:41:07]:
So if you were not on my newsletter, go to lauracheadle.com right there on the very top. When you download your Betrayal Recovery Guide, it’ll put you on my newsletter list. And you’re going to love that newsletter. But I was at this funeral and everybody was talking about, as you do at funerals, the deceased. He was so joyful. He was such a strong leader. He was so fun to be with. He always had a smile on his face.
Speaker B [00:41:38]:
He had the greatest laugh. He always loved a good crossword. Think about all of the things that you would say about people that you love. And think about all the things that they would say about you. Not the things that you necessarily want them to say, but what they would say about you. Oh, she was always running around harried. Oh, she was always so intolerant. Oh, she actually never took time for herself.
Speaker B [00:42:10]:
Think about the things that really would get said about you versus the things that you would want to be said about you. She was courageous. She loved despite it all. She had such power in her presence. You always knew you would get truth from her, whatever it is. She was such a monument in her family. She was so important to her kids. She was always the one that people went to when they needed good advice.
Speaker B [00:42:54]:
Be who you want. You don’t need permission. If you need permission, I hereby grant you permission. I hereby grant you permission to be who and how you want to be. I want to be the potent one. I want to be the potent one. I want to feel my emotions fully. I want to take whatever aligned action I need to take in order to get what I want in order to get what I deserve.
Speaker B [00:43:25]:
I want to be joyful as often as I can and even when I can’t be joyful, like when I’m having a horrible travel day. I don’t want to wallow in misery. I don’t want to be a wallower. What do you want? Who do you want to be? Be that person now. So going into those practical tools to cultivate choice in the moment, the very first thing to do honestly is breathe. Because breathing connects our brains and our bodies. Breathing connects our minds and our hearts. When we breathe, we cultivate the ability to choose in the moment.
Speaker B [00:44:11]:
I am going to choose to vent and then I’m going to choose to get back on the horse and get some things done. The whole reason for our trip was we are flying to Virginia to help my son pack and move. And it’s a big darn deal to anybody who has ever packed and moved. You know, it’s not really the most fun thing you will ever do and it’s frustrating. And then when you’ve been up all night and have had no sleep and have had major travel delays and then you’re hungry, people get grouchy. So let me tell you, there have been some stress filled moments between me and Sean and my son over the last couple days. There’s been stress filled moments. It’s okay.
Speaker B [00:45:01]:
It’s okay. At one point I chose to take a walk and to call my mom and to vent and I consciously chose. I am going to go take a Walk. I’m going to call my mom and I’m going to vent. And then it was over. And then I came back in and I felt my frustration and I shared my frustration. And now I’m back on the horse and I’m in the game and I’m ready to pack. And at one point, my son is like, I am going to go lay down.
Speaker B [00:45:30]:
I’m over this and I’m going to go lay down. And he backed out, and he laid down and he wallowed a little. And then he said, do you want to take a walk? And we wallowed a little bit in the walk, and then we got back on the horse and we came back and it was fine. Same thing. Sean, at one point got frustrated and started yelling at people. And then he was like, oh, I’m. I. This isn’t working.
Speaker B [00:45:54]:
And he went and he got something to eat, and then he got back on the horse. It’s like, we’ve all had our little ups, we’ve all had our little downs. We’ve all had our little things, but we’re breathing and we’re connecting, and he’s aware. Oh, blood sugar drop. I gotta have some food. My son’s aware. Oop, I gotta lay down. Getting a headache.
Speaker B [00:46:13]:
I’m aware I gotta go take a walk and vent to my mom. It’s that breathing and it’s that checking in and it’s that choosing. I’m choosing to do something to manage this emotion, because this emotion is coming up and it’s overwhelming. I do it. We all named it out loud. I’m frustrated. I need a walk. My blood sugar is tanking.
Speaker B [00:46:33]:
I need food. You know, I’m getting a headache. I need to lay down, breathe, Check in. Name it out loud. Do something to shift it. Whether it’s a somatic tool, like shimming your shoulders or doing a big breath, or whether it’s just like that, taking a walk, laying down. Do something to shift that. To shift out of that trigger and to find your clarity.
Speaker B [00:47:02]:
Make yourself something to eat, drink a big glass of water, hop online and play a game. At one point, my husband pulled out his phone and he’s like, we’re all going to play Wordle. It’s like, okay, let’s play wordle. And then we ended up doing connections, and then we ended up doing strands, and then we ended up doing the mini crossword, which are all little New York Times puzzles that you can do online. But we’re naming it, we’re choosing it, and we’re doing something to Shift out of that frustration and exhaustion and overwhelm that we’re feeling, back into a place of clarity, but more importantly, back into our identity. The next thing to do is ask, what is the next kindest step I can take? What is the next kindest step I can take? Ask yourself, what would. What would Oprah do? What would, you know, the whole, what would Jesus do? What would Oprah do? What would the leaders in your life, what would they do? What would Lora do? And then do that thing. Because potency isn’t pretending that everything is okay.
Speaker B [00:48:19]:
Potency is standing in the fire and choosing not to burn yourself. Potency is standing in the fire and choosing not to burn yourself. When I was frustrated, I could have started nitpicking at everybody and I could have burned the whole thing down. When my son was exhausted, he could have started. Started undoing everything and yelling and being a jerk and burn the whole thing down. When Sean started yelling, he could have continued down that path and gotten more and more, yeah, you did this. And then it was spiraled out of control and he could have burned the whole thing down. And not one of us burned it down.
Speaker B [00:49:00]:
We stood in the fire and we made a choice because we know who we are. I don’t do that. I don’t destroy relationships. I don’t hurt my family. I don’t hurt myself. I take care of things. I stay present, I stay aware, and I breathe. And I make that next most kindest step.
Speaker B [00:49:25]:
What about you? What do you do? Who are you? And how would somebody who is who you want to be respond? I know I am a person of integrity. I know what a person of integrity would do. Even when I don’t know what to do, if I ask myself that question, it puts me there. When I want to lose it, I remind myself of who I am. I want to be very clear. We all make mistakes. I make mistakes. Making mistakes doesn’t matter as much as correcting course correcting when you make the mistakes.
Speaker B [00:50:13]:
So if you have a trigger and you go psycho on your partner, course correct. If your partner makes a mistake and burns some things down, what matters is that they course correct. Who are you? What is your identity? How do you want to show up in the world? And what is somebody? What is the choice? Somebody who is who you want to be? What is the choice that they would make? Who are you? And how would somebody embodying that characteristic show up? Who are you? And how would somebody embodying that characteristic show up? That is freedom. That is the power of choice. Not just the power of the thing, yes, no green, purple. But in the freedom to choose who and how you respond. Remember who you are. Act in accordance with who you are.
Speaker B [00:51:25]:
Don’t be pissed, don’t be passive. Remember to stay potent, have an amazing week, and as usual, always remember to flaunt exactly who you are. Because who you are is always more than enough. Are you ready to break through and find out what’s possible for you on the other side of betrayal? If you are tired of the anguish, the pain, the confusion, the overwhelm or the obsessive thoughts, then reach out. Schedule your one on one hour long breakthrough call and together we will figure out what you need to do to break through and get to the other side of betrayal. During our time together you can explain what’s going on with you. Together we will figure out what it is that’s blocking you. Whether it’s your partner’s stubbornness or or inability to move forward on the same page as you.
Speaker B [00:52:38]:
Mindset, finances, concern about your kids, whatever it is. Together we will figure out what that block is and then we will put together a strategy so you can move ahead step by step and get to the other side of betrayal without overwhelm, without confusion, without being distracted and losing focus and wasting time, money or your valuable energy. Isn’t it time for you to get where you want to be on the other side of this horrific situation, looking back with peace and perspective? When we get together, not only will you have that one on one hour long zoom call with me but will also record it so everything will be memorialized and you always will have something to go back to so you know your own personalized plan. And you will also receive 30 minutes of follow up voxer support with me so you won’t lose track so you won’t get derailed. And so if you need something adjusted together we will be able to adjust it. To schedule your appointment go to betrayalrecoveryguide.com and click on the pop up link or reach out Lora L O r A Raracheadle L O R A C H E A D L E and let’s get you scheduled. I can’t wait to help you step back into your power and reclaim your identity, self worth and create exactly the kind of life that you love.
Lora Cheadle [00:54:39]:
Tune in next time to flaunt, find your sparkle and create a life you love after infidelity or betrayal with Lora Cheadle every Wednesday at 7am and 7pm Eastern Standard Time on syndicated DreamVision 7 radio network. Uncover the truth of what’s possible for you on the other side of betrayal and develop the skills and strategies necessary to embrace the future and flourish today. Download your free Betrayal Recovery toolkit@betrayalrecoveryguide.com.
Calm the chaos inside & out
