In both my coaching and my book, I talk about what it means to be a woman, mother, daughter, or friend. I have the women I coach with free-write to the prompts “A good woman is…” and “A good woman does…” 100% of the time it is illuminating.
Many women have been wounded by men, whether it’s daddy issues, toxic masculinity, abusive relationships, sexism, or the patriarchy. Yet instead of understanding and healing that wounding, they either reject all masculinity or become the kind of masculine that hurt them and they plow through life wounding others.
Pause and think about that. Where have you done to others that which was done to you, that you didn’t like?
For instance, if father/boss/husband told you to be more structured or compartmentalized (traditionally masculine concepts, opposing the feminine concepts of flow and interconnectedness) did you think they were “right” and strive to be more structured and compartmentalized? And then did you shame, judge, or criticize other women for being flow-y or interconnected? Did you admonish them with the same admonition that given to you? All in the name of “I just want what’s best for you, and in order to climb the corporate ladder, this is what you’ve got to do.”
Yes, there’s a lot to unpack here…
This Father’s Day I encourage you to free-write to the prompts “A good man is…” and “A good man does…” and see what comes up. Are your beliefs around what a “good man is/does” healthy ones, or are they based on outdated ideals, fairy tale fantasy, or stereotypical/patriarchal views? Based on who you are now and what you desire in your own life, what do you want to believe about “what makes a good man?”
Why does it matter? Because we attract what we believe. When we believe that men are superior or inferior, hurt/abuse/neglect/use/criticize/lie/cheat/save/rescue/trustworthy/untrustworthy/need to be catered to/should be followed/or always know best, then that’s what we attract.
I don’t know about you, but I don’t want the men in my life to be anything except a fully functioning equal partners and capable, quality human beings. Which I will not attract until I have cleaned up my beliefs around men. Until I examine and let go of all of my stereotypes, judgments, and outdated beliefs around men.
If you feel like sharing what comes up for you, I’d love to hear!