Stop Fixing Yourself!

The number one reason women think they can’t sparkle or connect to their Naked Self-Worth is because they think they have to fix themselves first. Now, improving yourself is great! Putting your heart and soul into something and hitting a brick wall, because you didn’t know what you were doing is NO FUN! It is wise to educate yourself and prepare to the best of your abilities. But, have you ever had the experience where you do it all right and it bombs? Me too, and it sucks!

Most of us haven’t been conditioned to accept unconditionally or navigate the negative. Most of us have been conditioned to internalize our failures and delay our own happiness until we “do it right” and have everything under control. So we work harder, fix ourselves more, and get all grouchy when things still don’t work out the way we “think” they should. How has this cycle worked for you so far, in terms of making you a better, happier, healthier human? If it worked, 76% of American’s wouldn’t be categorize themselves as unhappy, and 90% of us wouldn’t be working on the exact same New Year’s Resolution every year!

What would it be like to RESOLVE that you do NOT need fixing and to connect to your Naked Self-Worth? To start enjoying yourself, your life, and to let yourself sparkle every day? As long as you are hung up on the belief that you have to be perfect first – and by perfect, I mean meeting some random, unattainable standard- you will never be happy.

If you have ever felt like you a hot mess, and delayed happiness because of something you thought you had to take care of, or “improve” first – I’m going to drop a truth bomb on you! Delaying happiness until something else happens… only delays happiness.

Let Happiness Happen Right Now!

Like I talked about in my previous blogs, what you are feeling is part of the shared female experience. There’s a $13 billion dollar self-help industry out there convincing you you’re broken. There’s a $49.2 billion beauty industry convincing you that you’re ugly. Literally everything is working against you! It’s a trap, and it’s perfectly normal to fall into it. But you don’t have to stay trapped! All you need Naked Self-Worth, through the 5- proven steps of FLAUNT!.

If Your Dream Came True Today, Would You Be Ready?

I’ve always loved to dance. I gave it up as an adult because I couldn’t justify the time or the money. Plus, my body after having two babies was not what it used to be! Then, through a huge series of coincidences, I ended up dancing again at age 44, and not only dancing, but dancing burlesque! At age 44 I auditioned, and got accepted, as a dancer in a burlesque troupe that traveled around the US performing. But I had to show my body! And since the dance troupe was happening right then – I didn’t have time to get in shape or become a better dancer first. I couldn’t wait till the kids were older or my husband had more flexibility in his job. I couldn’t even take the time to worry about what people might think, I had to accept the offer and dance, or I had to decline and stay home.

To many of my friends, the choice was obvious! GO DANCE! How many people ever have the chance to dance in Vegas or at the House of Blues in New Orleans? I was being given an incredible opportunity. But inside, I wasn’t sure I should accept, because I didn’t feel worthy unless I fixed myself and my body up first.

I dug deep, I accessed my Naked Self-Worth, and said yes! That experience changed the trajectory of the rest of my life forever. That one decision led to a career in burlesque, a book contract with an incredible publisher, speaking engagements, to me finding my passion, and living my dream – even though I wasn’t fixed yet.

I promise that there is nothing else you need to do first, before you connect to your Naked Self-Worth, incorporate the 5 steps of FLAUNT! into your life, and live your sparkle. You are perfect, just the way you are, and I will prove it to you.

Paper Doll Burlesque

Grab a piece of paper because we are going to do a little paper-dolls burlesque routine. But before you strip down, you’ve got to cover up, and understand what you are taking off!

Start by drawing yourself, but instead of drawing yourself as you think you look like, draw yourself as you really are inside. Draw your soul. You don’t even need to draw yourself as a human shape if you don’t want to! This is you, and you are perfect! Whether you are a shape or a sound or a feeling, this is your essence, the truth of who you really are. Remember that God and the Universe don’t make mistakes!

Now you’re ready to suit-up! Throughout your life you have probably been told things about yourself that doesn’t match who you are inside. So, just like a paper doll outfit, you “put something on” and covered up your essence in order to make yourself fit that image.

As an only child, I thought I needed to be perfect, so I cinched myself into a corset. I learned that girls weren’t good at math so I “put a cap on” my intellect. I learned that I needed a flat stomach, so I pulled on some Spanx. I learned that facts and figures were more important than intuition, so I put on sunglasses on to shield my own vision. I put on layer upon layer in an attempt to please, and BE what I thought I should be. But those layers didn’t change who I was underneath.

You don’t have to be a good artist, just start drawing some of the layers that you wear. How do you conform and fit in? Do you have a power suit? Mom jeans? Sexy pumps? A going out outfit? Draw some of the things that you wear, that mask or cover who you are, and take a look at what you have become. Notice that YOU are still there. You’ve just been covered up. Nothing in you is broken. You are not a hot mess, you’re just HOT from wearing all these conflicting layers of crap that have been layered on you for so long!

The Secret of the Mona Lisa

Recently it was discovered that there is a painting underneath the Mona Lisa. That she is the modified version of another woman’s image! How ironic that the most iconic and famous women in art history, is masked, and is wearing an identity that isn’t her own! Like us, she’s not broken. She’s just been covered up. Are you ready to strip down and BE who you really ARE?

The Art of the Tease & The Big Reveal!

When you have Naked Self Worth, through the 5 steps of FLAUNT you realize that you aren’t broken, and it’s a huge relief. But the process does take time, and Paper Doll Burlesque was just the beginning. Stripping out of your layers is a dance, a tease that’s meant to be enjoyed! You can strip down, uncover your true self, and sparkle once again.

But I know how the mind works and how we’ve been conditioned to stay safe, covered, and small. I also know how we put the needs of everyone and everything around us first, delaying our own happiness. I know that one of the thoughts going around in your head is, “I am so, so ready for this, but now isn’t a good time.” Whether it’s your family, job, or the shit-show of a world, I know that there is a push-pull going on inside of you, where you really want to break free and live life on your terms, but you also really want to get everyone else taken care of first.

Whether it’s money, time, your family or work situation, you are right; you DO carry a crap ton of responsibility carry for those around you. Which is what I’ll address in my last blog post of this series, How to Break Free & Sparkle Like a Diamond Even When You Feel Trapped & Overwhelmed (untangle yourself from from others, let go of judgment, and live your own life, your way!)

Did you know that this is blog is apart of a four-post series that you can access as a Vlog as well? Check them all out below and watch your sparkle soar!

  1. How to Find Your Sparkle, Reclaim your Confidence & Own Your Worth (Even if you’re a hot mess or feel so overwhelmed that you don’t think you can.)
  2. How to Connect With The Most Powerful Gift Every Woman has Inside (so you can reclaim your sparkle no matter who you are or what’s going on in life)

  3. How to Stop Fixing Yourself & Start Living Your Sparkle (even if you think you’re too much of a hot mess)

  4. How to Break Free & Sparkle Like a Diamond Even When You Feel Trapped & Overwhelmed (untangle yourself from others, let go of judgment, and live your own life, your way!)

Lora Cheadle, Betrayal Recovery Expert

Lora Cheadle, Betrayal Recovery Expert

Author, speaker and Burnout & Betrayal Recovery Coach, Lora Cheadle help women rebuild their identity and self-worth so they can find the courage to claim what’s possible on the other side of betrayal.

Get the support you need to find your footing, begin making sense of it all, and feel better fast. As an attorney, betrayal recovery expert, and survivor of infidelity I can help you find the clarity and confidence to create a life that you love on the other side of betrayal. Book Your Session Here