If you are facing some sort of midlife or identity crisis, going through a divorce or struggling with a career change, or have just been feeling dissatisfied or unfulfilled by life, then you have lost your sparkle! Which means that you are living in a chronic state of fight, flight, or freeze, where you vacillate between bursts of determination to “pull yourself together,” (you go all in with intermittent fasting or the latest keto diet, and then give it all up and fantasize about moving to a tropical island somewhere) and sitting on the couch binge watching TV.
You are not alone, you are most definitely not abnormal, and it is not your fault! Part of the female condition involves being systemically shut down, silenced, and covered up. You have probably spent much of your life feeling like you were either “too much” or “not enough”, and the $49.2 Billion dollar diet, fitness and cosmetic industry, pus the $13 billion dollar self-help industries have quite literally have inundated you with messages about how you are broken and need fixing your entire life.
Of course you sometimes feel like a resentful, bitter, mess, wondering what the hell happened to you life! Who wouldn’t?
From Fight, Flight or Freeze to FLAUNT!
The only way to reclaim your sparkle is to reconnect to your God-given Naked Self-Worth, which has been inside you all along. And the way to do this, is through the 5 proven steps of FLAUNT! When you do, you let go of the need to please or prove your worth, and you will be able to comfortably and confidently reveal yourself authentically, and “be” exactly who you are.
No matter how much of a hot mess you think you are, no matter how overwhelmed you feel, and no matter how much you doubt your ability to ever sparkle again, you can, and I will show you the exact steps to get you there below.
What Does Sparkle Look Like For You?
Take a few breaths and think about a time in your life where you felt really good. Where you felt excitement, satisfaction, and a deep sense of purpose and fulfillment. Where you were clear, confident, and joyful. Breath that feeling in, and let it settle in, as if you were experiencing it right now. It doesn’t matter if it was a month ago, a year ago, when you were in college or even when you were a little girl. I know the secret that will get you back to that place. It doesn’t matter who you are or what you have been through, you can sparkle again. And no, you don’t need any special skills or extra hours in the day.
Naked Self-Worth is the Answer
The secret is Naked Self-Worth®, which you get through the 5 steps of FLAUNT! Naked Self-Worth is the ability to value yourself for who you are, not for who you think you should be. It’s knowing how to define success on your own terms and validate yourself instead of seeking approval outside yourself. It’s untangling yourself from others, as well as from the situation around you, and when you are connect to your Naked Self-Worth, you are so solid in yourself and your worth that you never come unhinged and fall of your center again.
The reason it’s different, and the reason it works is because it’s not self-help. Every woman is born with a sense of Naked Self-Worth. Having that kind of confidence and clarity is your birthright. You just lost connection with it, which dulled your sparkled. And here you are. But with the 5 proven steps of FLAUNT you can get it back, and I’ll show you how.
But First, How Do You Deal With Abuse of Power?
I spent more years than I care to admit in the self-improvement, self-judgment cycle and I know the kind of internal damage that it does. When I was in law school, I was a part of the student law office and I was able to represent clients before I graduated. I won the very first case I ever tired. Not out of luck, but because of skill and determination. What I did was objectively pretty incredible, and while everyone in the student law office was blown away by what I had accomplished, winning that case shut me down and filled me with such a sense of unworthiness, that I never litigated another case again. Ever.
After the judge made the verdict, he called me into his chambers and berated me for how I looked. For having long hair, for being young, pretty, and for “showing up” my male opponent in court.
At the time, I wasn’t connected to my Naked-Self Worth. I didn’t have what it took to untangle myself from his judgment or his prejudices. I was not able to be objective about myself and my worth. In fact, I rejected the heaping praise I got from everyone in the student law office and from my clients as well, and I glomed onto the criticism from the judge.
Have you ever had a moment like that? Where everyone tells you what a great job you did, but you focus on the one person who tells you that you didn’t? That is the classic example of a lack of Naked Self-Worth. And we’ve all been there. Female condition, remember?
Why Self-Help Doesn’t Work
Naked Self-Worth works because it’s not self-help. It’s an internal connection to something you already have but has just gotten covered up. Naked Self-Worth works because it gives you the ability to untangle from all of the BS that was layered onto you from society, from the patriarchy, from a world that wants to convince you that it’s all your fault and that you need to change.
It’s not you, it’s them. And when you value yourself for who you are, not for what you do, for who you are in relation to others, for the size of your paycheck, or the size of your thighs, then no one, and nothing that can ever diminish you, throw you off center, or dull your sparkle again.
Naked Self-Worth is Your Birthright! Claiming it Through the 5 steps of FLAUNT! Brings Back Your Sparkle.
FLAUNT! is an acronym that stands for Find your Fetish, Laugh out Loud, Accept Unconditionally, Navigate the Negative, and Trust in your Truth.
Find Your Fetish
Finding your Fetish is about finding the uninhibited state of joy you experienced as a child. WHY do kids play? This is not a trick question. They play because it is fun! They don’t play to impress someone or get better at something, or because they should. They play because it is fun, and when something isn’t fun anymore, they stop and do something different.
What do you do today, for no other purpose, except that it’s fun? Before bed tonight, I want you to do one thing that’s fun. Brush your hair, and tune into how good it feels. Stretch, or dance to a song that you love. Read a page in a book. Say yes to yourself, and to your pleasure and desires every day. Finding your Fetish is about stripping away the layers of expectation and figuring out what makes you happy, so you can infuse your life with enthusiasm, pleasure, and fun that goes way beyond a successfully completed to-do list.
Laugh out Loud
You might know this already but laughing is really good for you! There are numerous studies about the healing power of laughter. Have you ever laughed so hard that you couldn’t catch your breath? Numerous times I have ended up with stomachache from laughing so hard! What is the funniest movie, sitcom, and comedian you have ever seen? Write down your answers. This is the first step in creating a Laughter Journal, a tool that I use with my coaching clients to help them re-wire their brains to hold more laughter and joy. If you haven’t seen the Chewbacca Mom YouTube video, Check it out when you are done with this blog: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y3yRv5Jg5TI
How do you feel, right now, just thinking about laughter? You might have smiled at a memory, or feel some excitement knowing that you had a new funny video to check out. When you re-wire your brain for laughter you feel lighter and happier. That’s why I use intuitive hypnotherapy to rewire the brain for more laughter and joy. That way, even when things are serious, sad, or stressful in your life, you are still able to Laugh out Loud, and not miss out on the moments of laughter and joy that are all around you.
This step is the Golden Center of FLAUNT! (AU-the atomic symbol for gold) because it is where the life-changing magic of FLAUNT! and Naked Self-Worth come together. Accepting Unconditionally means accepting BOTH yourself AND others, unconditionally. It means untangling yourself from the opinions and judgments of others, and from the voice in your head, telling you you’re not thin enough, pretty enough, or successful enough. It means recognizing and releasing your outdated labels, roles and scripts and BE-ing and expressing exactly who you are, Without fear.
It also means letting go of everything outside of yourself that you cannot change, and loving others as they are, and for who they are, not for who you think they should be.
If you knew you could not fail, what would you do? Write it down. Underneath that, write down one thing inside of you that’s stopping you. Underneath that, write down one thing outside of you that’s stopping you.
Notice how it’s hard to untangle what’s yours and what’s somebody else’s. Maybe your fear of failure comes from a parent, and it’s not really your fear at all, just one that you were raised to believe. Instead of using something outside of yourself as an excuse or a block, can you use it as a reason to go for it instead?
Untangling yourself from your internal blocks as well as from your ideas about your external circumstances results in clarity, freedom, and the ability to live your own life, your way.
Navigate the Negative
Remember that being connected to you Naked Self-Worth doesn’t mean that things won’t go wrong – it means that you’ll be able to handle it when they do go wrong! And here’s the trick: NOTHING is inherently negative – or positive for that matter! Things are only good or bad because of the judgment we place on them. If you are on an Alaskan Cruise, icebergs are a good thing – because they are beautiful to see. But if you are on the Titanic, icebergs are really bad! But the iceberg itself didn’t change! Whether you love it or hate it, it’s just an iceberg, and your only job is to get around it safely.
Navigating the Negative means cutting out the drama and figuring out how to get around the iceberg safely. What’s going on in your life that you are turning into a Titanic iceberg instead of a pleasure cruise iceberg? What are giving way too much power and attention to? How much more time, energy, and enthusiasm would you have if you cut the drama and simply navigated around it?
Trust in Your Truth
Your truth IS your truth, whether you believe it or not, and YOU are the only capable of knowing what that truth is. Some people still believe that the world is flat. But that belief does not change the fact that the world is round. It doesn’t matter if you, or anyone else believes in your truth, it is still your truth, and life is much easier and a lot more fulfilling and fun if you trust in that truth.
When you Trust in YOUR truth, you have certainty, confidence, because whatever happens around you, you know that all you need to do is go within and connect to the truth of who you really are, and the right answers will appear. Imagine how good it would feel, to never spin with confusion or be paralyzed by overwhelm again.
Have You Ever Feel Like You Can’t Be Happy?
You might be thinking, “Maybe for other women… but you have NO idea how messed up I am! I need to get my shit together first.” I hear you, but you don’t need to be anywhere close to “figured out” in order to do this. It fact, #1 thing that stops women in their tracks, and prevents them from connecting to their Naked Self-Worth and finding their sparkle is the belief that they have to fix themselves first, before they are worthy to pursue happiness. That’s why the whole multi-billion self-help, beauty and fitness industries are aimed at women and not men.
It’s such a common belief, that I’ll be addressing in my next blog! I’ll show you where that belief came from, why it’s so prevalent, and how to maneuver right past it. No matter how broken or overwhelmed you are, or how much you doubt your ability to ever truly be truly happy and free again, you can’t help but sparkle!
Excited to learn? Catch my next blog, How to Stop Fixing Yourself and Start Living Your Sparkle (even if you think you’re too much of a hot mess) and get started!
Did you know that this is blog is apart of a four-post series that you can access as a Vlog (video blog) as well? Check them all out below and watch your sparkle soar!
- How to Find Your Sparkle, Reclaim your Confidence & Own Your Worth (Even if you’re a hot mess or feel so overwhelmed that you don’t think you can.)