I’d like to provoke you a little by having you think about the worst thing that ever happened to you. Why? Because I want you to take this last week of 2019 to let go of some long overdue baggage that may have been weighting you down.

Using my tip for dealing with things that “just aren’t fair,” you can rewrite the “naughty or nice” stories you grew up with and reclaim your power, and make a conscious decision as to how to move on. Despite anything that has happened to you.

Growing up we are taught that if we do the right thing we will be rewarded and if we do the wrong thing we will be punished. We learn phrases like, “Good things come to those who wait” and we hear story after story and song after song where the heroes ultimately succeed and the villains fail. We are told to “hang on,” try again, play fair, be patient, and to trust that in the end we will be taken care of.

But none of that is true.

A lot of people have had bad things happen to them. A lot of people work hard and never get a just reward. A lot of people never succeed. A lot of people are hurt, and hurt people, hurt people.

Those who have experienced trauma, hurt, pain, or abuse often times inadvertently hurt others. They are out for themselves. Not to be mean to you, but in order to protect themselves. To survive. Because in their experience, nobody protected them or looked out for them. Nobody in their world “did the right thing” by them. They did not grow up hearing the same fairy tales and “naughty or nice” rhetoric that you did.

Their worldview is 180 degrees different from yours. Neither of you are wrong.

Think about it:

A child raised in a loving home, where the caregivers put the needs of the child first, raise a child who learns that his or her needs will be met and that it’s safe to trust people.

A child who is separated from his or her parents, who is abused, raised in poverty or with a parent who has a mental illness learns not to trust people and that their needs will not be met.

And they are both right.

But as adults, those raised to believe that they can trust people and that their needs will be met, often have a difficult time staying out of victimhood when things go wrong, when hurt people hurt them. They get locked into the belief that what happened to them “wasn’t fair,” spiraling them into self-pity, vengeance or bitterness, or that they did something wrong, spiraling them into shame or self-judgment.

Neither of which is true, and neither of which is a healthy response.

Which worldview do you hold?

When things go wrong, how do you respond?

Are you interested in learning a different, healthier response?

AU is the atomic symbol for gold, and I call it the Golden Center of the FLAUNT! Acronym, Accept Unconditionally. Accepting Unconditionally is the healthy way to respond when life disappoints you. When you do the right thing and fail to receive a just reward. When you trust others and they take advantage of you. When you stand up and fight for yourself and later realize that you were fighting a battle that only existed in your mind…

All you can do is Accept Unconditionally – and decide what to do next that keeps you in your power as opposed to your victim-hood.

What happened, happened. It cannot be changed. You were hurt, cheated, injured, embarrassed, or disappointed. So now what? Unless you Accept Unconditionally, you stay stuck in victimhood, bitterness, regret or shame. And when you are stuck in those emotions, it’s difficult to regain your power, make decisions that are in your own best interest, and move forward.

What’s the worst thing that happened to you? Was that thing made worse by your beliefs about what happened to you? You know, that it shouldn’t have happened to you, that you didn’t deserve it, that you did something to cause it to happen, or that it wasn’t fair, just, nice or kind?

It’s my hunch that whatever happened to you was made worse by your beliefs about what happened to you. And it’s also my hunch that you might not be fully “over” it either, because of those beliefs. If I’m right, then I challenge you to begin this New Year by re-writing the script in your mind about all of the bad, rotten and unfair things that have happened to you. I challenge you to write a script that is neutral, as opposed to vicitim-y and sit with your feelings once you do.

When you do, you set yourself free. Free from the unnecessary drama, stress and pain created from the ideas about what happened to you, and you can Accepting Unconditionally what actually happened, reclaim your power, make a choice of how to respond, and move on.

What happened was not your fault. You are the one who gets to decide what to do next. The only person that can make you feel like a victim is you.

How do you want to feel in 2020? What stories might you need to release and rewrite?

As usual, I’d love to be a part of your musings…let me know how I can best support you!

*Do you know someone who needs this message? Then please pass it on.

Happy Holidays and may your 2020 be Merry & Bright!

Lora Cheadle, Betrayal Recovery Expert

Lora Cheadle, Betrayal Recovery Expert

Author, speaker and Burnout & Betrayal Recovery Coach, Lora Cheadle help women rebuild their identity and self-worth so they can find the courage to claim what’s possible on the other side of betrayal.

Get the support you need to find your footing, begin making sense of it all, and feel better fast. As an attorney, betrayal recovery expert, and survivor of infidelity I can help you find the clarity and confidence to create a life that you love on the other side of betrayal. Book Your Session Here